Lily Pad
by 13BlacKAnGELs
Summary: Lara's been searching frantically for Avalon, but before she can, there's some deeply buried business to deal with...and help comes from an unlikely source. finally finished!
1. Prologue

_Lily Pad_

_Summary: Lara is searching frantically for the entrance to Avalon-where her mother went-since she discovered what had happened. However, to make things more confusing, there's some unfinished, deeply buried business to deal with first from an unlikely source…_

A loud thunderclap roared above again, in perfect time to a malicious lightning flash. In that split second, I can pick out all of her features. Her almond shaped eyes, the dark tone of her skin, even the tears running slowly down her cheeks.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," I repeat desperately, in the naïve hope that she would understand.

"So you're just gonna…dismiss this? Dismiss me-again?" she choked. I could tell that she was trying to be strong, but I also knew that I had probably just broken her heart.

"We never should have met," I say. She gives me a furious look, hiccupping slightly. She turns away toward the door to the kitchen, with her 'friends' no doubt waiting for her. I wasn't afraid of them, nor of her, or her so-called 'father'.

"You know," she begins, turning back. "I thought you of all people would understand."

"How would I understand-"

"I'm not finished!" she snaps. "When I met you, I was all 'oh my God. I've found her! I've found the one person who could maybe make all those childhood fantasies come true! Now I can see how naïve I was, that all they were was fantasy. And I'm sorry for putting you through this, but, you know, I thought maybe you'd have a heart!"

"Sweetheart-"

"Don't call me that! You have no right!" she shouts, before storming out of the kitchen. I feel inclined to follow her, but am not really sure what to do when I catch up to her. Apparently her daddy-dearest has a helicopter waiting outside for her. Either he's scarily psychic or extremely pessimistic. Of course he could just be protecting his daughter, I suppose.

Eventually, I make up my mind to follow her outside, into the grounds. Sure enough, there is a helicopter with a fancy 'R' on the side hovering above the driveway. There is a young-ish man, late-twenties, early-thirties, maybe, in what could only be described as a designer shirt. I stop dead as I get a look at his face. He's now staring down at me through his sunglasses, looking as shocked as I probably do.

'No, no there's-there's no way,' I think desperately. It was impossible, we'd never-

Was…was her father James William Rutland?

_Jeez, I feel frustrated! I hate those fucking professors with all their 'ooh I'm so superior!' and they're acting all sympathetic when you get shit grades when what they're actually thinking is 'christ, how thick is this kid?'_

_But what I hate most is when you work all goddamn semester on a term paper and they give you a freakin' 'F'! Okay, so it wasn't Shakespeare, but damnit, I think I deserved a better grade than an 'F'! My father had to pull serious strings to get me here, and when I get home at the end of this semester, he's gonna give me 'the talk'. _

_He gave my brother Sean 'the talk', and guess what, the guy dropped out of college, just like that! No letter explaining or anything, just never went back. He gave my sister Caroline 'the talk' when she got herself arrested because of possession and use of heroin, and she walked out on the family the next day. I guess he coulda kicked her out, but he's not that sort of guy. He is a senator, sure, but he'd rather have her sent for a grueling rehab than have her end up in a whorehouse/crack house. _

_Right now, I guess I'm the only kid who's never let him down. So I'm the youngest, sure, but he's not gonna be pleased with all these fucking 'F's! I got all 'D' for my final exam grades last year, which was really unfair! So I seduced the examiner's kid, he had no right to fail me! I worked my arse off for those papers! I didn't do too good on my term papers, either, so if it hadn't been for my father's influence, well, that would have been his second son dropped out of NYU. The examiners were surprisingly nice to my father…how odd. Arse-kissing dicks._

_But you know, I never really wanted to major in Politics. It was just assumed that I'd follow in my father or my brother's footsteps, who picked Law. I was never gonna make it into Law-you actually have to give a shit and be honest. At least with Politics, if by some miracle I did pass, I could just use my father to work my way up. But it looks like that 'dream's' over. Screw it-if I'd had my way, I wouldn't even have picked NYU-it's a freakin' craphole! There's loads of foreign pissers who think they fit in! There's this one French bitch in particular, Gabrielle Lamore-god I hate her! She talks in this stupid accent all the time and expects everyone to speak French around her! Too up her own arse to realise that she's in America, not Paris!_

_Despite this, though, everyone loves her! I see her with other guys in those crap campus shitholes they like to think of as 'bars' and she's always jabbering away in French, and I'm just thinking 'where do they _pick up _shit like that?' _

_She's here now actually, alone for once-no adoring, love-struck, arse-kissing freaks and no guys. Stupid bitch is trying to get the attention of the ignorant bartender, saying 'excusez-moi! Garcon, garcon!'_

_Me, I'm just sitting here, drinking all the beer I can afford. Damn, by the end of tonight, I'm probably gonna end up in a gutter again. It's happened twice already, both times after a bad term paper. You'd think those dickheads would see a connection, but they're too busy trying to get all of those students out of their butts. _

"_Dude, you okay?" the bartender asks._

"_Sure I am. Just enjoying one last beer before I jump off the Empire State."_

_I hear a snort to my right. It's Gabrielle._

"_Something funny, La-whore?"_

"_Oh, I don't know, perhaps it is the idea of you jumping off the Empire State Building."_

"_Sure, revel in my depression-glad someone finds it amusing." She raises her glass to me, and takes such a small sip, you'd think she was at a geisha teahouse. _

_This seems to attract the attention of one of the wackos in the corner playing pool, though. He's come over, and started complimenting her in French, which is why she's so easy, if you get what I mean. One word of French, she'll jump into your bed faster than an Emperor's concubine._

_She's laughing like a manic, and I think of a way to piss her off-I'm that drunk._

"_Hey, Gabs?" She sighs and turns to face me._

"_May I help you?"_

"_Did you get that prescription sorted?" By now, the wacko's listening in._

"_Prescription?"_

"_Yeah, you know. Course, the cocktail's one hell of a treat if you got HIV, but it's not so great for AIDS, you know? You mustn't blame yourself, though, Gabs, any one of you could have mistaken Professor Clarington for that cute exchange guy."_

_The wacko's now backed off totally. _

"_You bastard!" she curses. "I hope you do fall off the Empire State Building! And if you get scared and need a push, call for me!" She marches out of there. The bartender's giving me a funny glance, like a 'was that necessary' kinda thing._

"_Damn!" I mock curse. "Did I just stop La-whore from having sex tonight? That makes me feel so bad!" The bartender snorted._

"_You know, there is a special place in hell for guys like you."_

"_Yeah, it's called military school," I sigh, holding out my tumbler for a refill. The bartender reluctantly takes it muttering 'you've had way too much' under his breath, but he can't argue-the guy's underage and I'm the only one that knows it._

_He passes me the newly filled tumbler and I gulp half of it down. I slam it down and allow my head to collapse on the bar._

"_Hey, come on, Junior, can't be that bad," the bartender says. I look up._

"_I got all 'D's in my sophomore year. I just got another term paper with an 'F'. My father's good friends with some creep who runs a military school-you do the math."_

"_Yeah, except these days they want smart people for these things, and you certainly don't qualify for that," he grins. I ignore him and finish off my beer._

"_Refill," I demand._

"_Don't you think you've had enough to override the limit of uh, I dunno, sixty people?"_

"_No-don't you think how highly inappropriate it would be if I were to accidentally slip something about the fact that you're actually twenty to a professor?"_

"_Look, Junior, you can threaten me with that, but you've had enough for tonight. Come on, I'm surprised you haven't numbed your senses so much you can't remember your name."_

"_You sure know your alcohol," I mutter sarcastically. _

"_Come on, JR, lighten up. You just pissed off Gabby!"_

"_It's easy to do-you just speak English around her!" He smirks._

"_Well, whatever, dude, but you know what I think?"_

"_That you should go drown in the river?"_

"_You're gonna drown in alcohol if you don't stop!" he protests. "I think you should go to your apartment, and don't wake up ever!" I look up. Confusion is written all over my face. "Well, you're a total arsehole when you got a hangover-actually you're always a total arsehole-"_

"_I hope you're going somewhere with this."_

"_Yeah-my point is you ain't never gonna work off that hangover."_

_I sigh again, and stumble to my feet. "Want a cab?" he offers._

"_Across the campus?" He shrugs._

"_I dunno. The state you're in, it'd take you three hours to walk straight."_

"_I think I can manage two blocks," I sigh, and begin to walk, only to trip over the stool. The bartender can't manage to contain his laughter, and actually has a couple of tears running down. Jeez, he's more pissed than me! "Go to hell," I mutter, able to leave the bar with dignity. At least I didn't fall over anything again._

_I stumble through the streets of the campus, trying to remember exactly _where_ my apartment is! Cos I'm a little richer than the rest of the students, I can afford a place outside the campus. I don't actually _have _one, but it makes me feel good bragging about it!_

_Damn, was it three blocks, four blocks? Shit, which direction is it in? _

_Ah, screw it, I can't be fucked to find it right now. I'll just wander about-it's NYU campus. No bad guys here. (Who am I kidding?) _

_For some reason, out of nowhere, a picture of that prissy sophomore bitch-you know her, Gabrielle-comes back to my head. Damn, bet she looks hot naked._

'_What are you _thinking_, JR?' I ask myself. She's a freaking slut. All sorority sisters are. Them and their stupid 'delta' names. Oh wait, Gabrielle isn't actually a 'delta' yet, I just remembered. She's applying-has been since freshman year, but hey, no luck yet. And after sophomore year, she'll be 'too old to be a new member'. Hey, it means she's more accessible. I even know which building she lives in. Maybe I'll pay her a visit. It'll be nice and police, let her know there's no hard feelings before ripping away her slutty nightgown-_

'_What the hell?' I think. This alcohol has gone straight to my head. So why am I standing outside her building, and making my way to her top floor apartment? They're called 'apartments' but it's just a way to make the dormers feel less patronised by the likes of me who can afford an actual apartment!_

_Hey, here it is! It's quiet inside, guess she's asleep. I could skip the formal bit I guess. Just a time tactic anyway._

_Wait, someone's moving-those are definitely footsteps. She's…turned on the stereo. Oh great-a Carly Simon fan! That slut just gets better and better. La-whore really is full of surprises. I hear a door slam and the sound of water running. She must have gone to the bathroom._

"'_-your hat strategically dipped below one eye. Your scarf it was apricot. You had one eye in the mirror-'" are the words I hear clearly as I silently opened the apartment door and just as silently slipping in. Huh, being drunk makes me surprisingly nimble._

"'_You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you, you're so vain-'"_

_I'm approaching the closed bathroom door. There is definitely someone having a shower in there. "You fall right into it, don't you, Gabs," I mutter silently, unable to contain my grin of excitement. You'd think I'd just barge in there, in the drunken state I was in, but no, I'll wait. Give her time to think she's all alone-no roommate, no perverted arsehole standing outside the bathroom door…just her._

_Like a typical girl, she's taking forever in there! I haven't even heard her climb out of the shower yet!_

_The song on her stereo changes just as I hear her climb out. This must be some sick album or something, cos all the songs have been by that Carly Simon! In perfect timing, it's 'Nobody Does It Better'. Hell, I can hear her start to sing along. She's got a nice voice, actually._

"_Nobody does it…half as good as you! Baby-"_

'_How true,' I think, sneakily turning the bathroom lock, so inconspicuously she probably doesn't even notice!_

_I'm in. _

_She's standing with her back to me, towel wrapped around her, dark hair dripping wet and checking herself out in the mirror. She's still singing quietly and by some miracle hasn't seen me in her mirror. Now I'm stumped. Do I pounce or let her know I'm here and give her a chance to scream? Hey, I'm a gentleman-I'll give her that chance._

"_Hey, Gabby," I mutter quietly. She looks up into the mirror to check behind her, and opens her mouth to scream, but I'm too fast. I've clamped one hand over her mouth and the other is messing with the towel. Sure enough, it comes off in seconds. She is now completely at my mercy…_

"_Uh, hey, I kinda forgot my key!" someone shouts through the door about an hour later. "You couldn't get off your arse and let me in, huh?" It's another girl-her roommate probably._

_Shit, her roommate! If she comes in here and sees La-whore in the heap she's in…and sees me, too…she's gonna figure everything, and the only place I'll have to worry about going to is jail!_

_I walk back over to the pile that is La-whore. She flinches, terrified, as I lean down toward her. "You're not gonna tell anyone about this, are you?" I whisper. She shakes in response. "Let's keep it that way," I say. _

"_Hey, you hear me?" her friend shouts. "Damnit, you _cannot_ be asleep! Yo! Wake up, you slut, and let me in!" She's started laughing now, and as I expected, Gabs doesn't move. I realise that unless I think fast, her roommate will find some other means of getting in, and I'll be screwed!_

_Okay, I guess I gotta hide the evidence! I realise they're gonna know sooner or later what happened, but they won't be able to trace it to me. Sure there's DNA and shit, but I'm not gonna worry too much about that-they haven't even started teaching in molecular biology yet! It's nothing foolproof._

_I march back over to La-whore and in two swift kicks, bundle her into the bathroom closet. She won't stop shaking, and is this close to screaming. I slap her viciously, which seems to calm her down. At least she's stopped moving. _

_My God, she's still crying! "Get over it, you alien bitch!" I say, slapping her again. "This is what happens when you piss me off!" I force the door closed on her fragile body. I don't hear any snapping so I'm guessing I didn't break anything. Shame._

_Just as I walk out of the bathroom, I see the doorknob turning! Shit, I must have left the thing unlocked like that stupid Gabs did! I duck behind the sofa._

"_Uh, sweetie, you kinda left this unlocked! What's all that about, huh?" she shouts, coming into the apartment. "You know, how many times have I gotta warn you-Kent has the biggest crush on you! It'd be so easy for him to sneak in and-" she faltered as she noticed the mess. "Although by the looks of it he's already paid a visit!" the girl giggles. She's blond and has a tattoo on her neck. She looks around, as though expecting Gabs to come charging out. "My God, why have you not come out threatening to kill me yet? Everything okay?"_

_She's finally sensed something's wrong! For the love of God, she's slow!_

"_Honey?" she's shouting, moving on through the apartment, going into one of the bedrooms. I take this as my chance to escape. Sure enough, she's so slow she gives me enough time to reach the door and get into the hall. I'm about to shut it, when I hear her moving about. Better leave it open-it's how she left it._

"_Where _are _you?" I hear her shout in frustration. I quicken my pace. I don't wanna be seen anywhere near the building when she discovers La-whore!_

_Just as I'm leaving the building, I hear high-pitched screams, one after the other, coming from the top floor, right where I left her._

_Right, you see that button after the box 'submit review'? Any chance you could press that and tell me what you think? If it's weird, tell me. If you love it, tell me. If you hate it and condemn me to die unless I take it off…well I'd be officially hurt, but tell me! Latersxxx_


	2. Ghana

Disclaimer: Yes, I was very stupid last time and forgot to write this thing. But you probably already guessed I'm not anyone from Eidos…

_Timeless4Life: Hey there! Well, I hope this also 'lives up to your expectations'. I don't think it's my best, but don't let that discourage you! It gets better! Enjoy reading…I hope_

_The Third Demi God: Hey, thanks for being the first to review! Right, the italics in the last chapter was in James Rutland's POV (and if you don't know him, then this'll get very confusing. He's one of the characters from 'Legend') and the normal one…yeah, you don't find that out till later (though you could probably guess it in this chapter). But I hope you like this one_

The bright rays of the dawn sun are hitting my eyes, forcing me to open them. I lie there, too weak to move. I really don't feel like leaving this bed-breaking up with someone is hard enough, but breaking their fragile hearts just kills you.

"Miss?" someone's calling. Most likely Winston-he's the only one who ever calls me 'miss'. I've been on at him to call me by my name, but he's obviously accustomed to calling me 'miss', bless him. Zip found it hilarious at one point.

He's knocking on the door now, calling 'miss, is everything all right?'

No, everything is _not_ all right!

"I'm coming, Winston," I shout in a moan, yawning. I'm grudgingly dragging myself out of the comfort of the duvet, and force myself to my feet. I pull on my dressing gown hanging from the bedpost, and am preparing myself for what will be a long day, I'm sure. Even if I have nothing to attend to, guilt is a hard thing to live with.

I keep hearing this sad voice in my head, muttering _'you should understand'_. Perhaps I should, maybe I made a huge mistake rejecting her…

No, I had to do it! It was too late, there was nothing to be done! Besides, she has her precious father, James Rutland by her side!

Oh, god, Rutland! You must remember him…total bloody arsehole! Thought he was special, just because his father was a Senator, and he was in the military! About the only thing he's ever done is go to West Point and tried (and failed) to reforge Excalibur. I'm glad to say that that was my success.

It's in my room, actually, in a case. I haven't eliminated its power-it's too precious. Anyway, I have some very interested professors from Cambridge and Oxford alike coming to see this artefact!

Sometimes, though, I wonder if I'd have gotten into this mess had it not been for a chance rumour that my good friend Anaya had told me about an ornate stone dais in Bolivia. You know the one, at the Tiwanaku ruins. As I recall, Zip humorously referred to it as 'a big rock…and she won't say why!'

Anyhow, after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing (and a little visit to Cornwall where I was nearly eaten alive by two huge serpents!) I finally discovered that the key to Excalibur was an artefact that my own mother had had all along. It was lost in the wreckage of the plane in Nepal. My father had found the Ghalali Key in Ghana, where I attempted (and succeeded) to pursuit James Rutland. And I suppose that could be where this all starts…

"_I'm really not your enemy, Rutland," I sigh, watching him collapse to the floor. It's pathetic really-he has the sword fragment giving off blasts of energy and I'm able to overcome him with a few rounds of my pistols! _

_In the confusion (and possibly surrender) he's dropped his shard. I pick it up and bring out my own fragment-the piece from Viracocha's staff I got off Takamoto (long story) in Japan. I study them closely, as Rutland lies panting on the floor, obviously injured. I'd feel sorry for him if he weren't such a pompous dick!_

"_These weren't broken apart," I realise. "They were designed to separate and reattach…the Ghalali Key does that?" He says nothing. He's just crouching there, looking weak and sorry for himself. "I don't suppose you could tell me where this came from?" I continue. "The Crusades? King Arthur?"_

_I await an answer, but he says nothing, so I'm about to leave, when he mutters; "History…doesn't interest me."_

"_Well, then stay here and start thinking about the future. Make sure I'm not in it, however," I advise. "You won't enjoy seeing me again."_

_I'm now walking away, promising myself to not look back._

"_Your father might not have found the Ghalali Key," he says suddenly. I turn. "But Amanda doesn't know that. She's at your mansion right now." He smirks unpleasantly. "Better have good insurance," he sneers. I'm so tempted to go back and punch that bastard right back down to the ground! But I can't-Zip and Alister and Winston are all there! I lost contact with them-this is most likely why._

"_Well go already," he sneers again. "You don't wanna be the cause of the death of your friends as well, right?"_

"_What in the name of Ariadne are you going on about?" I confront. He's crouching there, trying not to laugh. I bring out my gun and aim at his forehead._

"_Oh, nothing," he laughs. I cock the gun at him. "You gonna shoot me?" There is now a very long and awkward silence between us._

"_No," I say eventually. "I don't tend to waste my bullets on rodents-they're not worth it." I put away the gun and am trying to walk away again, when, out of nowhere, I feel a-weight on me and a sharp pain in my leg, before darkness overrides m…e…_

"Okay, Lara, you got three seconds before I barge through this door and-what's the rest of the sentence, Alister?" Zip warns.

I hear a frustrated sigh that is Alister. I go to the door as Zip is beginning to count down.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"You, uh, okay?" Zip says, standing up in his normal position. He was crouched, like he was ready to head butt something-the door.

"Fine," I reply. "And by the way, Zip, your head wouldn't have had the power to open the door. At best your head would have gone through the wood and you would have it stuck. At worst, you'd have a very bad headache for the remainder of the season." Zip smiles coyly because he knows what I must be imagining-it cracks me up!

"So, is everything…?" Alister begins uncertainly.

"Of course," I answer. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"That's great!" he says too over-enthusiastically, also dodging my question.

"So, what about the whole, um, Li-" Zip tries to begin.

"Please, just don't-not now." He nods understandingly. I continue down to the kitchen, where I was last night. Nothing's here that's out of the ordinary. What was I expecting-a tearful letter from her?

I sit down on one of the stools, and try not to contemplate too much on what happened last night. I wasn't lying when I told Zip I'm not ready to talk about it-it's too overwhelming for me.

"Your newspaper," Winston says, interrupting my thought. I'm glad for the intervention.

"Thank you," I smile.

"Would you require any breakfast?"

"Perhaps just some coffee?"

"Is that all?" I nod. Unwilling to argue I presume, he gets on with it. I glance at the headline, but it's nothing special. I force myself to read anyhow-I need to clear my head.

Oh it's no use! I could go skydiving without a parachute, and I'd be wandering if she was still mad at me! It must have broken her-perhaps I was too hasty…?

No, no, it had to be done! I wasn't ready to cope with that sort of relationship! It would've hurt her even more if I hadn't been honest-well, harsh anyhow. She might not have given up, and it may have taken drastic measures for the message to sink in. Odd how determined one can be.

"Your coffee," Winston announces, setting it down on a silver tray-he really goes all out. It's quite sweet in a way.

I am taking a sip of the steaming coffee, and gasp. I've noticed the date-it's-it's-

The mug falls from my hand and shatters all over the kitchen floor. But I don't care-I can't believe I forgot! Every year-_every year_ this date stands out, and this year of all years, I forget!

I go outside, still in my pyjamas, and go to the monument I visit every year on this day. Engraved on it reads; _'Amelia, dear wife of Richard, and doting mother of-_' but the name is now unclear-so many years of weathering. I keep meaning to have that inscription repaired, but is there really any point now? Now that I've found out what really happened?

"Oh, mother," I sigh. "What do I do?"

* * *

_Lily's POV_

"Hey," I mutter, getting his attention. "Do you think she knows?" He looks up from his newspaper, frowning.

"Know what?" I roll my eyes patiently, smiling.

"About today," I clarify.

"Oh yeah, probably," he replies, now turning back to his newspaper.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Sure I am-it's just the war between-"

"You mean the anniversary of a war that ended like fifty years ago?"

He looks up and is smirking. "Yeah, that." I realise what he's thinking.

"_I'm_ not waging a war, James," I say.

"No, sure you're not. You're just invading in her life, right?"

"Well if that's how you feel about me, then maybe I should just walk out here right now!"

"Come on, Lia, you know I don't want you to do that," he sighs. "Look, all I'm saying is, forget her."

"Normally I would. If it was any normal relationship then I'd get over it faster than it could fall apart! But this one was different."

"It never really started, though, did it, honey?" he says gently, stroking my hair. "You don't need her, and you haven't wanted her up until now anyway!"

"Hey, I've 'wanted' her as you put it since the day I found out!"

"You only found out last week!"

"I've known for a while! Why do you think I kept following her? I wasn't spying for you-I was doing it for me." There, I've admitted it. It _is_ something I've known for a while-I just never told James. I'm not sure why exactly. I guess I figured if it blew, he'd either do the 'I told you so' routine or the pity routine. I don't know which is worse.

I have the courage to look into his face, and he looks…betrayed, hurt.

"How long have you known?" he asks. I shrug.

"I had my suspicions after the Ghana incident," I admit. "But I wasn't sure until…it doesn't even matter."

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asks. He still looks hurt.

"I thought you might stop me from seeing her," I reply. "I know what close friends you guys are."

"Right, so, you don't trust me?" I sigh.

"It's not that I don't trust you-"

"Sure, yeah," he says oddly, scratching his head. Why do men always do that when they're feeling awkward?

"…_unto his great resign…" he reads, struggling._

"_Resign?" I say sceptically._

"_Don't diss the scriptures, sweetie, you'll piss off their gods," he grins._

"_I think the only thing that'll piss off the gods is you calling their ancient texts 'scriptures'," I mutter, going back to examining the statue. All these African cultures-they're so ornate and unique. So…intricate almost._

"_All right I give up!" he curses, throwing down his…sword shard? I take no notice, but say;_

"_Don't you mean you resign?"_

"_And you can shut up as well!" he says. I snort with laughter. Oh, James-such a need to be perfect. "Do you wanna read it, Lia? Huh?"_

"_All right," I accept, moving closer to the texts. The carvings have worn away over the years, but I think I can make it out._

"…_unto his great _reign_," I read, looking smug. He scratches his head awkwardly. "Not resign. Unto his great reign…damnit, it's all…blocked."_

"_Blocked?"_

"_Yeah like-like there's something there we shouldn't read." I look at him forebodingly._

"_Well, continue," he encourages._

"_I can't read something that's not there!" I protest._

"_You just said-"_

"_Oh, they're there-just illegible," I say, glancing over at the sword shard. "And why do you always carry that thing with you?"_

"_What?"_

"_The sword. What's the deal with it?"_

"_It's-it's complicated," he says, trying to brush off my question. I'm ready to contradict, when we hear a loud explosion outside. There's a commotion going on through the brown door with a snake engraved on it._

"_Go," he says._

"_What?"_

"_Go!" he repeats._

"_But the explosions are coming from through that door!" I argue._

"_I know who it is. She'll leave you alone-way too many cheetahs in this place for her to worry about an eighteen year-old!"_

"_And what about me and the cheetahs?"_

"_The mercenaries will guard you."_

_We hear gunfire and the sound of men screaming. "Sounds like whoever she is has dealt with them," I say._

_Suddenly, the ground begins to shake. "James, what the hell is that!" I shriek, panicking. I cling onto him for support._

"_It's just the boulder trap," he 'reassures'._

"_What freaking boulder trap!" I yell._

"_Hey, relax, it's aimed at her not us. There are two more, so, get ready to hang on." I am being put through two more of these shaking ordeals, convinced we're going to die. I'm crying by the start of the third quake._

"_Oh, hey, come on, Lia, honey," he soothes, putting his arms around me. "What's up? It was just a few quakes." Nothing he says reassures me. We hear footsteps._

"_Shit, she's here!" he curses, letting go of me, and setting another 'trap'. He'd told me that if she made it this far, he'd work the door so she'd need to stand on a lever to get in there and reach the door before it closed. I think it's pointless-if she's made it this far, a timed door isn't gonna stop her! _

"_It buys me time," he'd said. Is three seconds enough?_

"_Lia, you gotta go!" he warns._

"_Where? She's through there!"_

"_There's a hidden alcove in here. Go in and-"_

"_Why aren't you coming?"_

"_Cos I wanna see how this works out," he grins. I'm not smiling. "Just do it, Lia," he says, pushing me towards the cleverly hidden alcove. It's so concealed, nothing would be able to reach me-not his grenades, not her bullets. I'll be perfectly safe. But what about James? He can be determined, but he's not the strongest guy. If she's athletic enough to get up here, then she'll be strong enough to defeat him…_

_She'd better not. He spills just one drop of blood because of her bullets, I'll go out and finish the job! I don't care if he doesn't want me to, I don't care if she kills me-all I care about right now…is him._

* * *

Hey, it's me! Your favourite author! Okay, well, same rules apply-you like it, let me know, you think it's weird, let me know, you hate it and condemn me to die etc. let me know. Oh and one last question-you know that scene towards the end of the last chapter? When I do it in the victim's POV, should I do it in detail? Tell me, yeah? 


	3. First Contact

_Alister's POV_

_Disclaimer: (in robotic voice)I do not own this_

_The Third Demi God: It's a little clearer now, huh? I'm really glad you like it by the way, and for your short stories, here's a theme; how did Lara and her mum reach the monastery from the plane wreck?_

We all watch Lara run outside, but none of us except Winston actually seems to know why. We look at him questioningly, but he says nothing. He bows his head and looks as if he's in a trance.

"Uh, Winston?" I ask cautiously. He ignores me, and is starting to mutter something under his breath. Like he's…praying! But why's he praying? I never thought of Winston as particularly religious. Then again I never thought of Lara as-

"Uh, hey, Alister, why don't you go check on Lara?" Zip suggests. Typical-he always leaves me with the awkward jobs.

"Maybe you should?" I say. He shrugs in an 'I dunno' manner.

"You're better with the empathy thing," he mumbles. I sigh.

"Oh, fine," I say, making a big deal of it, although secretly, it was me I wanted her to turn to-

Mhm-purely because I'm such a good friend. There is no other reason! I think I'm going to and check on her now!

I look everywhere for her-inside the Manor, outside-she's nowhere to be found. She's not by the assault course, she's not in her room, the swimming pool or the gym, she's bloody nowhere! I'm about to give up when I hear a stifled sob, sounding oddly female.

"Lara?" I call. There is no reply, except for a hiccup. I follow the sound and come across the one place I forgot to check-the memorial of her mother.

'You dozy git, Alister!' I scold myself. How could we have forgotten? It was twenty-seven years ago today that she'd 'passed away'. Because she disappeared in front of Lara's eyes, she was pronounced dead. Poor Lara always blamed herself-until Bolivia.

"Lara?" I say gently. She looks up. She looks embarrassed to see me, and hurriedly wipes her tears away with her sleeve.

"Are you all right?" I ask stupidly. You twit! Of course she's-

"Of course," she replies surely, but sniffing.

"Well, it's just, the way you ran out on us like that-"

"Oh, you noticed?"

"Well, yes. You literally shoved past me and pushed Zip into the open freezer. And that was before banging the door so hard I swear some glass came out," I say, trying to humour her. She gives a weak laugh, but it's more halfway between a sob and a laugh.

"Listen, Lara," I begin, expecting her to ignore me so I could babble on aimlessly, but she's actually turned to give me her attention. Now I'm buggered-what do I say!

"You know what happened now," I eventually come out with. "Amelia's not actually dead, she's in Avalon."

"Isn't that theoretically where the dead go?" she contradicts. Damnit! I didn't think of that! Um, um…

"Theoretically!" I point out. She smiles.

"Yes, but until you'd reminded me, I'd completely forgotten today was when she was pronounced dead." Wait, what! That shocks me. What else could get her so grief-stricken? She comes out on this day every single year! But she's also been known to come out a week earlier, the anniversary of when it actually happened. We just presumed she was paying double respects.

"Lara? What else is-"

"You remember all those times I came out here on this day?" she interrupts. I nod. "It wasn't her I was crying for."

"Well, then, what?" I contradict, not really able to control my tone. If there's one thing I despise more than not getting my bloody dissertation yet, it's being the only one not to know anything!

"Winston's the only one who knows," she says, as though sensing my thoughts. She goes quiet, as a fresh wave of grief seems to overcome her. She's kneeling on the ground and beginning to cry again. This is so odd-I've never seen her cry before. She's usually so strong.

"Lara?" I say stupidly, and-feeling even more stupid-putting one arm around her. I expect her to shrug it off and say she was 'being stupid' but she leaves it there, and actually turns in towards me so she can cry in my chest.

Oh, now I'm really starting to feel awkward. I'm no good with girls! I've only had three steady girlfriends in my life; the first-Tilly- with a love and obsession for Mel Gibson (she even mumbled his name in her sleep and once in our…mmm, 'private time'! Actually, when I first heard it, I thought she was a lesbian!) I dumped her the next…week. I'm not very good at it!

Anyway, the second-Nadia-possessed a peculiar fetish for…oh this is embarrassing-sadomasochistic sex! I'm ashamed to say that I actually began to enjoy myself! Never repeat this to anyone! If Zip found out, god, I'd have to shoot him-or myself. Actually that looks like the better option.

The final girl-Anija-was normal in those senses, but her father was a traditional Pakistani, Sikh guy who was _extremely_ protective of his daughter! There were so many rules and attachments to Anija that I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did. I finally ended it when I was told that I would be a 'good suitor for Anija, despite obvious cultural differences'. Terrified me to my very core!

Despite these long lasting relationships, I don't think I ever loved any of these women. Tilly was a 'spur of the moment' thing, which I ended up making a commitment to. Nadia was a blind date a straight girl wouldn't say no to! And Anija…she was different. Had it not been for her father, maybe something really good could have happened. I might have married her eventually…maybe…I just didn't want her father dictating our lives! That's mainly why I ended it. I really could have loved Anija I think…

There's only one other woman I've ever felt that way about.

"Lara?" I whisper again. "What's going on? Why are you…what's happened?"

"I've never told anyone this," she mutters.

"But Winston-"

"My father told Winston! I've _never_ told anyone! It was too painful."

"Well, maybe I could help?"

"It's a bit late for that, Alister," she sighs. "Much too late."

"Lara?" I say, prompting her. She seems to be on a roll, plus it would be good for her to get it off her…C-cup chest…that surgeon did a good job…what the hell! Sorry, yes, that's right, Lara, umm, yeah, she has a problem and I think she's about to tell me.

"Today's her birthday," she says quietly.

"Whose?"

"Lily. It's her birthday and…I actually forgot." She looks so depressed, poor thing. I've never seen her this vague and distant before. She looks so troubled. I don't understand, though. What's so special about this 'Lily?' Who is she anyway?

"Alister?" she says. Oops, dozed off a bit there.

"Sorry, I was just wondering-who is this Lily? You've never mentioned her before and-how long have you even known her?"

"Oh we go back," she says mysteriously. "We go back-exactly nineteen years." I make a 'huh' sound. That's a long time to have known someone, yet we've never met her.

"You met her yesterday," she interrupts. Did I say that out loud or has she turned scarily psychic on me?

"Oh, she was the girl at the door? The dark one?"

"Yes that was her!" she snaps. I flinch. What did I say? "You know what, I think I made a mistake."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, it's not your fault. I guess I'm just-not as ready as I thought I would be. It's all right, Alister. I'll be fine, of course I will. I'm just over-re-"

"Lara! What is all this about?" I shout after her. She turns to look back at me.

"You-I really don't think you'd understand."

"Try me," I offer.

She opens and closes her mouth, as though debating with herself. Should she tell me, should she not? Whatever it is, it can't be that huge! It wouldn't make me love her any less. As a friend! Of course as a friend! She's Lara, the woman some just love to hate and hate to love but you can't help being sucked into it all!

Sorry, I think I let my emotions slip away.

"Alister?"

"Yes?"

"If I tell you, do you promise never to repeat this to anyone?"

"Of course. I respect your privacy, you know that."

"I just don't think I can cope anymore!" she says, starting to cry again. I allow her to fall into my arms and let her get it all out. I start stroking her hair, and plant a little kiss on top of her head. I realise that as her shaking ceases, she could be about to tell me something that I never expected. Something that shocks me more than those fake ones Zip likes to trick me with!

But even if she confesses to brutally killing her father in cold blood, I wouldn't think any less of her! No matter what she says, it couldn't change the way I feel about her.

…could it?...

* * *

_Lily's POV_

I remember when I first met him. Well, first spoke to him properly. The first time I ever saw him, I was in the supermarket with Dee-my adoptive mother-getting groceries for my couch-bound grandmother. She tried to claim it was her arthritis, but even Dee was on to her! She was just too polite to say anything.

Anyway, I'd been looking into my birth family for, what a year, and then I spotted my alleged birth father in the next goddamn aisle! It was kinda funny actually-I kept finding excuses to be near him, acting all obsessive and Dee got bored of it and told me to 'piss off and find something useful to do-like go jump in one of the refrigerators!" At least she wasn't following me everywhere after that.

Okay, it's a very long story, and let's just say some freak crashed into me, and I went flying into his cart! After skidding for a few seconds-and finally jumping off-I slip on a wet patch on the floor, and whose feet should I fall at but his? I mean, come on, that's just taking the piss! Obviously God was in a mood that day and thought he'd take it out on the wonderfully sophisticated innocent teenager…who am I kidding? I practically _attacked _the secretary at his father's offices.

Which brings me back to my other point-when I first spoke to him for real. He got so freaked, it was great! I totally came out the more mature one, which was what I wanted, I guess.

"_Thank you. I'll be sure to pass the message on!" the secretary smiles, laughing way too loud. "All right, thanks for calling! Have a good day!" She slams the phone down, and sighs. She writes down some notes, and throws it in the trash can. I take the opportunity when a phone isn't attached to her cheap jewelled ear._

"_Uh, hi," she says, noticing me before I can say anything. "I don't know where you think this is, but the youth centre's across the street!" She gives me a big smile and a laugh. I look at her disbelievingly, raising an eyebrow. Her smile lowers. "Yeah I need to work on that." I smile. "So, how can I help you?"_

"_I'm looking for someone," I begin._

"_Uh, well, you know, I'm afraid Brad Pitt's not dropped by today! But give me your number, I'll let you know if he does!" She starts laughing manically-you'd think she thought she was being funny. I just give her my best 'unimpressed, one raised eyebrow look'. Her smile ceases._

"_How old do you think I actually am?" I say. She shrugs uncomfortably. "It's just, you must think I'm like six or something, if you expected me to laugh."_

"_Well, you know, I'm sorry, I was just trying to break-"_

"_What, your nose with all that banging your head on your table when you were laughing at those _hilarious _cracks?" I say sarcastically._

"_I was going for ice there, but-"_

"_You know what, screw this. I actually kind of _like_ the ice between us. The only ice I wanna break right now…is with him." I produce the photo I have of him. "Do you know him?" She glances at the picture._

"_Well, yes," she nods._

"_Is he here?"_

"_Who are-"_

"Is _he here?" I repeat. I know I'm being a little bitch, but I really have no patience for people like her who try to 'break the ice'! It's like, do your job, woman!_

"_Yes," she says, using an irritated tone. "But I don't think you'll be allowed to see him."_

"_Why not?" I say plainly._

"_Do you even know who the man in this picture is?"_

"_No, of course not, I just carry around his picture cos I'm so madly in love with him," I retort. She doesn't look impressed. Okay, I'll give her the biography. I take a deep breath. "James William Rutland," I recite. "Second and youngest son of Senator, James Rutland Senior. Mother passed away when aged nineteen, attended NYU until junior year where he consummated his military career at West Point." She's looking a little surprised-did I say too much._

"_Big deal," she says eventually. "So you've memorised his biography. Doesn't mean I grant you a permit to see him." Huh, she's getting bitchy! Sort of characteristic you need in a secretary. I don't move, though. Clearly she wants to say more. "You wanna see him, you gotta get an appointment," she states._

"_He doesn't even work here!" I argue._

_Oh," she scoffs. "And just how would you know that?"_

"_He's only here to see his father."_

"_Oh, really, and why would that be?"_

"_I guess Jamie misses his daddy," I shrug._

_She's standing up, and putting her hands on her hips._

"_You know I really don't want to have to have you removed, but-"_

"_Aw, am I getting too smart for the secretary?" I taunt. "Come on, Emma, just let me see him." She gasps._

"_Wait, how did you-are you some kind of stalker?" I nod._

"_Sure, it has absolutely nothing to do with it being on your nametag." She glances down._

"_Well, okay, fine, but that does not give you the right to-"_

"_Hey, you wanna talk rights? Legally, I have the right to be served in a non-aggressive manner, and right now you're just not doing that for me."_

"_Yeah, and I maintain the right to have removed any aggressive customers," she replies. "I suggest you leave, or I'll have no choice but to call security."_

"_Oh, okay. What if I dial it down a little?"_

"_No. We maintain the right to refuse service to anyone for a particular reason. And it is because of this particular reason that I'm going to have to ask you to leave."_

"_Whatever," I say, and flop down in a chair. She makes no movement, but is looking at me strangely._

"_I _will _call for security!" she warns. I shrug._

"_Go ahead. You'll just earn a reputation of not being able to handle a sixteen year-old. Won't look good on your resume, though. Hope you haven't got people skills listed." I smile sweetly._

"_All right," she agrees. "You want to see Mr Rutland? You _will_ see Mr Rutland!" She goes to her phone and dials a number. "Hello, James," she greets. "I've got someone down here who's absolutely insisting she sees you! What should I tell her?" There's some talking. "Well, yeah, she has been a little aggressive. Nothing too serious, just a little cursing. You will? Oh great, I'll tell her. Bye now." She turns to me. She smiles. "Well you got what you wanted. He says he'll see you."_

"_You know it was Rutland Jr I wanted to see right?"_

"_Oh yeah, they kind of come as a package!" she smiles. "Just wait there, honey, someone'll be along in a minute."_

"_I think I can find my way," I say._

"_Oh no, everyone has to be escorted." I sit patiently for a few minutes, when a guard who looks like he should still be shopping in the juniors' section comes out. Emma looks unimpressed. "They sent _you?_" she says disbelievingly._

"_I-I may only be a trainee," he begins, which is interrupted with a sarcastic 'yeah?' from Emma. "But I-I think I can handle this." _

"_All right, I'm sure you're right," she says sweetly. "She's right over there." He turns towards me, smiling geekily. He comes up and holds out his hand._

"_Hi, I'm Kurt, um, I've-" There's a frantic hiss from Emma. She's whispering 'no pleasantries!" Kurt turns back to me. "Uh, right, yeah!" He clears his throat. "Um, I'm an official security guard, miss, and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to escort you out of the building."_

"_I thought you said you were a trainee," I point out. He contemplates that, but I ignore him. Wait, what did he say? "What do you mean you'll escort me _out_ of the building?" I repeat. I hear a giggle behind me. I turn to Emma, and she's looking mock-guilty. _

"_Oh no, it must have been what I said about you being aggressive!" she admits. "My bad!" I am furious._

"_You smooth-talking slut!" I rage. _

"_Uh, I'm-I'm afraid that such aggressive behavior to employees is pro-"_

"_Quiet, kid!" I say, and am ready to give Emma another insult, when he grabs my arm._

"_I'm afraid I'm gonna have to remove you from the premises!" he states confidently._

"_I thought that's what you were meant to do anyway, junior!"_

"_If-if you refuse to…come quietly-"_

"_Oh, I will. _Today, _sunshine!" I promise. I turn to Emma as he leads me away. "But I'll be back! And next time I might not be so nice!"_

"_Yeah, okay, bye, we look forward to your next visit!" she shouts sarcastically after me. I swear, if I wasn't in such a pacifying mood for junior, I'd have gone back and slapped that whore right to Rutland's offices!_

_But hey, I made a promise. And I _will _be back! We New York girls don't give up that easy!

* * *

_

And I did go back. Again and again and again. Stupid slut couldn't take a hint. I kept on harassing her, even thought it wasn't her fault. But hey, she didn't let me through-what would you have done if it was just one bitch in the way of you and your birth father?

_I walk back into the reception area. Six weeks I've been at this! Rutland only goes to visit daddy once a week. He's very predictable in his schedule-same time, same day every week. The only obstacle is Emma._

_She literally jumps up from her chair when she sees me._

"_You know, this could qualify as harassment!" she accuses, pointing her finger at me._

"_Well you'd better make a note of that. Wouldn't want you to miss anything on my charge sheet," I smile. She's frowning at me._

"_All right, I give up. Security is obviously not getting through to you, so how about this? Either you leave now, or I call the cops." I raise my eyebrows._

"_And tell them what?" I challenge. Other than me calling her a dumb blond bitch-among other things-she's got no case._

"_That _you_ are stalking me! Yeah, this is no longer an innocent wind-up, missy, this is stalking!" she shouts. Good job no-one else is around, huh?_

_I repeat that to Emma, and it annoys her even more. I really know how to light a fire under her. It's kinda fun watching her freak out every time I walk into reception._

"_I'm serious," she warns. "If you don't get up and leave this second, I'll call the cops and have you arrested for stalking!" Damn, there's so many things I'd like to say, such as 'well I haven't followed you home yet and taken pictures of you in your underwear' but that sounds pervy._

"_Well you've seen 'Scream', right? Just give me what I want, I'll leave you alone. Minus the leaving you hanging bit."_

"_Hey, was that a threat?"_

"_No," I shrug. "So what if it was? It would just be hear say evidence."_

"_Hey, we have security cameras," she points out._

"_I thought those things couldn't hear anything?"_

"_All right, I'm calling the police," she says, picking up her phone. I march up to her and snatch the phone out of her hands._

"_Come on, Emma, why did you make this a personal vendetta?" I reason, replacing the receiver. "I really don't think I'm being unreasonable. All I want is one meeting with one guy."_

"_Yeah, well, I can't get you that and that's when you started getting threatening," she argues._

"_Aren't you the guy's secretary? Shouldn't you be in charge of like organising appointments and sh-stuff?" She gives me a glare as I was about to swear, but hey, I recovered myself. "You didn't even offer me that."_

"_That's because you'd just waste his time!" she spat. Man, now she's just being downright pissy!_

"_Why don't you let him decide that?" I ask. "Please, just ask him if he'll see me?" She sighs, and retrieves her office phone._

"_Fine," she agrees. "But if he says no, I want you gone!" I have to agree. If I don't, there's a good chance she'd call goddamn security again, or the cops. I have been violating some shit code or whatever, I'm aware of that, but she's not been role model secretary! She's too argumentative-too much like me in fact! At least she knows how to handle crap like this._

"_Oh, but, hey, what about actually getting through to Rutland this time?" I suggest. She shoots me a glare. Bitch._

"_Hi, yeah, she's back," she says into the receiver. I glance up. She hasn't-_

"_Well I was hoping as Head of Security you could do something about this, she's not giving up," Emma whines into the phone. That manipulative slut!_

"_Yeah, I don't care if you need 'authority' to do something like that, damnit you _are_ the authority!" she argues. Oh no, has her evil plan backfired? "Call Rutland? Don't you understand it's him I think she's a danger to? So what if she's only a damn teenager, they're often the best targets for subtle acts of terrorism!" What! That's actually slander! Oh my god, I cannot believe she just said that! I'm gonna-wait is this what she wants? Is the whore trying to provoke me? Not gonna work, bitch!_

"_Yeah, she's right here. What do you mean am I up to it again? I have never-well come on, that kid was just smutty!" There's more conversation. You know, I take back what I said about Emma-she's the perfect secretary-keeps away all the freaks. Obviously not born and raised to be refined._

"_Oh, okay, well as long as it's your recommendation, sir," she checks. She sighs a deep sigh as she replaces the receiver. I smile at her sweetly as she glances at me. "Damnit, you're a lot smarter than the last one!" she rants under her breath._

"_I know," I agree._

_She dials another number into a phone and holds it up to her ear impatiently._

"_Hello, Mr Rutland? Yes, I've got another appointment for you. Uh, no, it's not an official appointment as such, but she's kinda desperate." I shoot her a glare, but she ignores it. "Oh yeah, it's that girl who always comes in. Are you busy? Oh, that's too bad, well, you know what, I'll tell her you're busy-what?" She looks shocked. "Well, yes! Of course I agree it must be urgent! All right-y-shall I send her through? Great. Good afternoon, sir." She hangs up and turns to me. "Okay, you can go through," she points to the door._

"_Sure I don't need an 'escort'? I mock._

"_Don't tempt me, bitch," she mutters._

"_You know I could have you fired for that?"_

"_Yeah, well, you know what, it's only hear say evidence," she smirks. I snort with laughter._

"_I'll see you later, Emma," I smile._

"_All right, will you just go already? You can go through, so do it!" I give her a mock wave as I go through the screen-you know those metal detector things at airports? Yeah, it's like that. Wait, she never told me which level it was! Oh, I'll find it-I'm not gonna give up just cos I can't find my way around the goddamn building!_

_I've scoured the first two levels when I bump into a familiar face-Kurt, the trainee security guy. He always gets called to 'escort' me out of here. He looks so geekily innocent it's almost cute._

"_Hey, Kurt," I smile._

"_Oh my god, does Emma know-"_

"_Relax, she's the one who gave me the all clear," I explain. He still looks unsure._

"_I'm-I'm gonna have to check with my supervisor!" he says. "Stay there!"_

"_Wait, Kurt-" but he's gone. I sigh and calmly continue my way down the corridor. I stop in my tracks when I hear rushed footsteps behind me._

"_Excuse me, miss," the guy who's obviously the supervisor says. "May I see your ID, please?"_

"_ID? What do I need ID for?" I say disbelievingly._

"_Just your visitor's tag," he clarifies._

"_I wasn't given one," I reply._

"_Well then we can't let you continue. We're gonna have to escort you down to reception to resolve the problem." He takes me by the arm and begins leading me back down the hall. 'Oh no you don't!' I think. 'I've come too far!' I wrench myself free of his grasp. Feeling like a fugitive, I start running down the hall._

"_Hey, come back!" the guy shouts. I hear him talk into his radio, but I don't turn back. I can't._

_But fortune really doesn't like me apparently. As I'm passing the elevator, someone steps out, and I crash right into them. I'm knocked to the floor, winded. I look up at the person who knocked me over, and gasp. It's him-it's James Rutland Jr! He looks at me through his sunglasses, unimpressed I'm guessing by his expression. I see an older guy step out of the elevator as the guards catch up to me._

"_What's going on?" Rutland Sr. demands._

"_This girl was caught wandering the corridors without an ID," the supervisor explains. Rutland Sr. takes a closer look at me. He frowns._

"_You're not the girl who's been harassing my secretary, are you?" he questions accusingly. God I'd love to say no, but if I do, I'll definitely get marched right out of here. If I admit it, there's the smallest chance he'll want to deal with it himself. I nod nonchalantly. His frown widens._

"_Thank you, Reg, Kurt, but I'll take it from here," he says. Score!_

"_But, sir-" Reg protests._

"_I can handle it!" the guy sighs. "Now go!"_

"_Do you need me to stay, father?" James Jr asks._

"_No, no, son."_

"_But wait, he's-" I begin to protest._

"_I really don't think you're in the position to argue, do you?" Rutland Sr. says, pulling me up forcefully. No, no! This cannot be happening!_

_Rutland Sr. begins leading me down the hall again and opens a door. This is my last chance!_

"_James!" I yell. "It's you I need to talk to! Please!" His father pushes me in roughly, and forces me into a chair._

"_All right, you're here after harassing my employees endlessly for six weeks! You'd better have something good to say, miss, because I'm in no mood for a teenage prank!" If I wasn't so scared of losing the opportunity, I'd retort with a smart comment. Right now, though, I can't even think of one! "Well?" Rutland Sr. demands impatiently._

"_It was actually your son I wanted to see, Mr Rutland," I declare politely._

"_I don't see why I should allow him to waste his time with a foolish young girl."_

"_Because it only has to be a waste of time if he wants it to be," I say._

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_Please, sir," I beg, feeling tears of desperation welling up in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I try to keep my composure. "I have to see him." He decides to take pity on me, because he sighs and goes to his intercom._

"_Emma?" I hear a buzz back. "Has my son left the premises yet?" A pause, then another buzz. "Well, when he reaches reception, send him back up."_

_We wait for a few minutes in this awful silence. Now that I'm here, I'm starting to have doubts. What the hell do I say to him! I've been so busy trying to get up here, I never thought about what I'd say when I _saw_ him!_

_I'm seriously having second thoughts when we hear a knock. "Yes?" Rutland Sr. calls. And in comes-James Rutland Jr. He looks a little bemused, but other than that is keeping a very cool posterior._

"_What is it, father?" he asks. Rutland Sr. nods towards me._

"_I'll leave you to talk," he says. "But let it be known, there is a camera in here. Oh, and, uh, this one listens." Great-that'll make me less nervous! Rutland Sr. closes the door, leaving me to my destiny-will it be broken? Please, god, no, don't let this-_

"_So what did you want?" James says. My throat's too dry for me to say anything, so I produce the picture I showed Emma. "What, you want an autograph?" I shake my head. "Well, what?" Oh my god, this isn't gonna work! I can't-_

"_Oh screw this, you're wasting my time." He goes to leave when I jump up-I have to make sure._

"_Were you at NYU sixteen years ago?" He turns. _

"_Yeah, so?" Oh god, oh god, is this him? I'm shaking. I feel faint… "Hey, are you all right?" he says. I collapse into the chair. I hear him move about as I close my eyes. I feel a small nudge and open my eyes. He's got me some water._

"_Thanks," I mutter. I take a few sips, but don't really feel better. "This is ridiculous!" I say angrily._

"_What is?"_

"_I've been waiting for this moment for a year and a half, and now I'm just gonna screw it up!" I rant. "I'm sorry, I thought I could do this, but I can't. You should go. I should go. I'm just not ready."_

"_Look, sweetie, I wanna be sympathetic, but I don't know what the hell you're going on about!" I'm feeling really shit now. The tears have actually started flowing out properly and I'm sobbing for…everything._

"_This was stupid!" I say and get up to leave, but he stops me._

"_Look, you obviously wanted me for something, so you may as well just say it!"_

"_You don't wanna know-you'll freak," I protest, trying to break free, but he's strong._

"_Well you wanted to say it, so don't have second thoughts now! Come on, what was it?"_

"_I think you're my father!" I burst out. Immediately he loosens his grip, but I don't move. I stay there, not daring to look up at him. God knows what he's thinking-probably shit like 'what did I do to deserve a daughter like her?' I want to leave, I really do. But I've said, and I could regret it if I go now…

* * *

_

_James's POV_

_Son of a bitch! I mean…sonofabitch! How the _hell_ did this happen to me? No, no, no, I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming! This did not happen, this did not-_

"_Mr Rutland?" she asks concernedly. My throat feels parched. I go to the water dispenser and gulp down the cup, but I don't feel any better. "I shouldn't have told you," she sighs. No, maybe you shouldn't!_

_I've taken her seat, feeling more scared than I-well, not scared, I mean I was in the military for Christ's sakes! "Who are you?" I utter._

"_My name is Lily," she explains. "I'm sixteen and-"_

"_I got it," I interrupt. Great-a sixteen year-old daughter! Big day for you, James! _

_I look up at her again, and take in her attire. She's wearing a brown army jacket with a black tank top underneath and faded pants with some suede boots-very smart._

_Wait, what the heck! Why am I giving a shit about what she's wearing? 'Really the thing to focus on, you doofus!' I curse myself._

"_Is this some kind of sick joke?" I ask._

"_What? No!" she replies defiantly. "I swear to you. I wouldn't even _be_ here if I wasn't sure!" Uh huh, yeah, well just _how_ sure are you, sunshine?_

"_Well, just how sure are you?" She shrugs._

"_About 98," she smirks._

"_What about the other two?"_

"_It's all in the DNA." I say nothing. "Look, James, I'm not asking for a…commitment or anything, just-"_

"_What? What do you want from me? You're already comfortable enough to use my first name!" I contradict. Yeah, I'm not freaked anymore, I'm mad! Who the hell does she think she is, coming in here and dropping this on me! Like I _want_ to be a father!_

_Her eyes are glistening with tears again. "I don't know," she admits._

"_Then why are you here?"_

"_I guess I just wanted to know what you were like," she says thickly._

"_Yeah? Well, here's a pointer for you-you wanna get to know somebody? Become their friend, not their freakin' kid!"_

"_Hey, you know this is not my fault! I mean if it wasn't for your twenty-year old self, I wouldn't even be here!" she shouts back. She's got the Rutland temper-wait, no, no, no! Damnit, James, think straight! What fucking Rutland temper! What, so it's a family trait now? You arsehole!_

"_Tell me again, girl, what exactly did you want from me? You still haven't made that clear." She looks hurt when I say 'girl' but what does she want me to say 'daughter'? And I'm not like her-I don't call people by their first name till I get to know 'em-most of the time._

"_I dunno," she says, looking mystified. "Delusion, I guess." She smiles. "Habit of mine. So hey, um, I'm sorry to bother you, Mr Rutland. But thanks for taking the time to see me. Good day." She picks up the little denim bag she had with her and walks out the door. She's handling it pretty well-she's strong.

* * *

_

_Lily's POV_

_He dumped me. Well, what did I expect? A kiss and a hug? A 'I've been hoping you'd find me. I've dreamed about the perfect daughter my whole life, now I have her?' Get over yourself, Lil-that only happens in movies. Even then it's normally too cheesy to leave soap operas._

_Why do I feel so disappointed? I don't even know the guy damnit! It's not like I'm really losing anything. He's just that…random guy in the supermarket. That's all he is-and it's all he'll ever be._

_I walk back down-I don't have the energy or patience to wait for the elevator. Besides, if I keep moving, I can't cry. What am I talking about crying? Why would I cry? There's nothing to cry about. So I got shot down-big deal, happens everyday._

_I go to the reception area, hoping to avoid anyone, but again, fate's being shitty._

"_Hey, how did that meeting go?" she calls out sarcastically. I ignore her. "Aw, didn't he like you? Sorry, hon, but the cold bitch thing just isn't what people go for these days."_

"_Really? Then why are you such an expert?" I retort, not able to take it. Yeah, I feel like someone's ripped out my heart and put it in a blender-then thrown that in the trash, but hey, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Besides, no-one talks to me like that._

"_You know, of all the comebacks you could've said, that was the most predictable," Emma smirks._

"_Whatever," I sigh. Wow, I really _don't_ have the energy!_

"_Okay, what's-did something happen up there, cos you normally give me a comeback before I've even said the insult!" she laughs. My throat feels parched and lumpy again, and my eyes are starting to sting again. Oh shit, no! No, not here! I can_not_ cry here!_

_Too late._

_Before I'm even aware of what's going on, I've covered my mouth with my hand to stop the sobs coming out, and the tears I've struggled to hold back come out. Great, this is the shittiest day ever! I get shot down, and now I can't even control myself in front of Miss Bitch! Even my smart insults are gone!_

"_Oh, hey, hey, honey, come on, the meeting can't have been that bad. Normally they cry _after_ they see the bill!" I let out an involuntary sob. "Yeah, you're right, now's inappropriate. Okay, come through to my office, come on." She comes behind the desk and puts a comforting arm round me and leads me through the door behind her desk. Inside is a comfortable office, but I really couldn't give two flying fucks right now. "All right, now sit. Would you like coffee?" I shake my head. "Tissues?" I make no movement, but am trying my hardest to stop shaking. "That's obvious. Okay, here you go."_

_I sit there sniffling and blowing my nose and wiping my eyes, but I don't feel any better. As nice as she's being, she's really not helping. I just wanna go back to my sad little motel room and be alone._

"_So what actually happened up there?" Emma asks for the god-knows-what time. I shake my head again. I'm not ready to tell anyone, let alone Emma, no matter how nice she's being. "It's just it must have been pretty bad." How d'you work that one out? "I mean, for you to get so upset like this." Don't remind me. "You know, I know we haven't exactly seen eye-to-eye, but I'm a good listener. And definitely not a gossip. I won't tell anyone." I don't care, I'm not saying anything!_

"_So, hey, I should probably get back to work but, you can stay here as long as you need," she offers. No. I have to go-if I stay here any longer, I'll just explode._

"_No," I say. "Thanks, but I've just gotta get outta here."_

"_Well, are you sure, I mean-"_

"_Seriously," I press. "Please just-let me go." She nods._

"_All right," she agrees. "You're probably right, you need some privacy. Oh, would you like me to call you a cab?"_

"_No thanks, you've done enough." I smile weakly, but inside, I'm breaking apart._


	4. First Contact II

_Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't own don't own don't own...don't own it don't own don't own don't own_

_The Third Demi God: Yeah I like the 'Alister being in love with Lara' story too!There'll be more on that later.And I thought it was obvious Lily being Rutland's daughter...? Do you know who her mother is? N-ee-way, thanks for reviewing (again)

* * *

_

_Lara's POV_

You know it's odd, but what I've never thought about before is where I would be if that plane in Nepal hadn't crashed all those years ago. Mother would most probably still be alive (or at least not in Avalon) and God only knows what I would have done with my life. Would I ever have taken such a fascination in archaeology? Would my father still be here?

I realise that the connection is hard to see between the crash and my archaeological interests, but it's there. As I said to Zip in Nepal, that crash is what all my adventures, calamities, rendezvous' have all been about. If that crash had never occurred, I most likely wouldn't have been in Paraiso when Amanda almost died. If that crash had never occurred, I most likely would never even have come across Werner Von Croy, much less been accused of his murder. If that crash had never occurred, would…would anything of what has happened to me have happened?

Who knows, I could have been 'married off' early. But because both my mother and my father died before I even reached my twenties, it was never certain what would become of my life. Even before his death, no-one was ever sure what would become of me after my mother 'died'. They thought it was amazing enough that I'd survived the three day trek across the Himalayas to Katmandu. That wasn't so much what aroused an interest for archaeology, but ironically, the idea of travel appealed to me greatly after that.

There are so many possibilities and paths I could have taken had the crash never occurred. It's ridiculous, but until now, I've never truly realised how influential that crash actually was on my life. Yet, in a morbid way, I'm almost glad it happened. How boring might my life have been if it had never happened? How much danger could the world had been in had I never retrieved those artefacts myself? The Scion, the Dagger of Xian, those artefacts off the meteorite? The Amulet of Horus, the Armour of Horus, the Philosopher's Stone, the Spear of Destiny, the Iris and most recently, Excalibur?

Although, I was never entirely sure what Rutland had wanted with Excalibur. Certainly it could do damage, but it was hardly the right tool for world domination. Did he just want the satisfaction of reforging a priceless legendary artefact? It couldn't have been anything to do with fame or fortune, he had enough of that. It's so strange. He himself declared that he wasn't particularly interested in history, so why go after the most historical and legendary artefact of the English legacy?

And as if this wasn't confusing enough, there's the fact that he is father to…Lily. I just don't understand how on earth he could have fathered that child-he can have been no older than twenty when she was conceived, judging by their ages, meaning he was probably at university at the time. And because of her birthday, the conception must have been around near the end of the second semester. But wasn't he at West Point for his uni years? I highly doubt there would've been too many girls in his division at the military base.

What am I talking about? Of course he wasn't at West Point for all of his years at university. He must have gone there mid-way through his studies. Junior year, I'm guessing. Yes, it has to have been. He certainly wasn't a freshman, and I know for a fact he wasn't a sophomore! And by that time, the seniors had departed-their final exams were finished. I went to one of the many graduation parties with Amanda. There were others there as well, of course-Kent, Anaya, Jason and Oscar among others. You probably know all of them-they were in Paraiso with us.

It's so tragic to think that of the fifteen of us, only four got out-Amanda, Anaya, a scientist called Gregory and myself. Assuming of course that the others didn't keep a low profile, like Amanda did. I wonder if she ever got out of Bolivia? She must have done-even if she didn't, I'm not going to feel guilty about it. It's because of that whore that my mother went to Avalon by accident!

Wait a minute-how did Rutland get out? I thought he was dead-his last words had been 'Amanda…see…you' and then he was gone. Amanda must have gotten him out-or Lily, I have no doubt she was there somewhere.

"Lady Croft?" Winston interrupts my thoughts. I look up. "Professor Warrington to see you." Warrington? Oh, he's one of the Oxford professors father worked with. He's obviously here to see Excalibur for himself-funny that. A legendary sword belonging to a legendary king-why shouldn't he believe it?

"Lara Croft," he greets.

"Professor Warrington. I'm glad you could come at such short notice," I reply, shaking his hand. It's remarkable how I've been able to keep up this 'I'm glad you could come' etc façade. This must be the thirtieth balding professor come up unexpectedly, claiming to have been invited when all he really wants is to see if the rumour is true or not. And like all others, he will not be disappointed.

"So how have you been, Miss Croft?" Warrington asks.

"Oh, quite well, thank you, yourself?"

"Can't complain." I nod.

"Well," I begin. "I suppose without further ado, it's time for you to come and see it." I'm about to head off, but I notice he doesn't move. "Professor?"

"Excuse me, I'm a bit confused-what is it I'm supposed to be seeing?"

"Well if you follow me, it's upstairs," I explain.

"What is?" My forehead frowns in confusion.

"What are you here for?" my confusion speaks aloud.

"Well I was hoping to discuss the matter of a possible dissertation with your assistant-where is Mr Fletcher, may I ask?" Oh, of course! I completely forgot Warrington's the one Alister's been working with.

"Oh, I expect he's in the library," I reply.

"Thank you. Where is it, may I ask?"

"Winston?" He appears. "Kindly show Professor Warrington to the library."

"Yes, Lady Croft." I would show him myself, but I really can't be bothered right now. Although it looks like Alister's dreams are about to come true. His long-awaited dissertation may finally come through. He's waited for years-if I'm correct, this is his fifteenth year as a student. Perhaps those old bores at the university finally woke up and realised that what Alister's been saying has been right all along. I for one agree-I think everything is connected in some way, you just have to want to see it. Take those daises in Nepal and Bolivia-you wouldn't think they'd have any connection, true? So far apart, no similarities aside from their configuration? Well, they're so connected, I spoke through both ends! Well, my mother spoke through the one in Nepal, but I was there!

Do you know one thing that scares me? That out there, in another time dimension, there's another Lara Croft, leading the same life I have. If only I could go to her, and warn her…but it's impossible. If it was possible, I've no doubt the Lara speaking through the end when I was in Nepal would have tried to warn me. Even if she had, would I have believed her?

* * *

_Amanda's POV_

_My God, this is so freaky! I mean, who would _do _a thing like this? Just mindlessly rape someone then stuff them into a closet? We sure have some real monsters walking about here! I hope they catch that bastard!_

_I was terrified. She wasn't opening the door, the damn thing was unlocked, she was nowhere to be seen, then when I go to the bathroom and hear a small whimper and open the closet…there she is! I screamed the place down! I must have woken up the whole neighbourhood! All of NYU!_

_She's too scared to say anything, keeps muttering she can't remember anything past the fact that she had a shower, and when she got out, this man was standing there! The police have figured it must have been a student, because all the professors here are either, bald, grey or female-and she knows the guy was fairly young, but past that-nothing! Maybe she really can't remember, you know the whole 'blocking memory' thing? She must have been so scared…it gives me creeps just thinking about it._

_I was crying earlier-through shock, fear, but mostly because of what my best friend had been through. And she's a goddamn exchange student-does this arsehole have a thing against 'em or something, cos it's a freakish coincidence that some of the juniors were rebelling against the foreign students (oddly enough, there were no foreign students in their group) last week, and now my best friend who just _happens_ to be a foreign student gets raped!_

_The cops are questioning her now-they say it's better to do it sooner than later, that'll it stop the guy striking again to threaten her. Can't they see what a _wreck_ she is! She is in no state to answer their goddamn questions! And from what I'm hearing, it sounds more like an interrogation!_

_They wouldn't even let me sit in with her! Said I might 'influence her' or some crap like that! I'd just be there for support! They're not getting anything out of her, I can tell. There's been about four different officers go in there and come back out again. I keep asking if I can see her, but they always say no. _

_Another officer has just come out of the consult room, looking just as unhappy as the last. "All right, miss, you can go in and see her now," she says. "Maybe you'll be able to get something out of her-the girl's a wreck!"_

_So would you if you'd just been raped, bitch! I try not to say it out loud, but I can't help muttering it. I don't think she heard me, though._

_I go into the consult room, not really sure what to expect. Her head slumped on the table? Her not being able to stop crying?_

_When I go in, she's messing with her gown. She was given a bathrobe thing to warm her up-mainly because she was naked when I found her. They couldn't let her dress in anything normal because of 'tests'. Basically, they were just prodding and poking and making her feel more violated!_

"_Hey, honey," I smile. She doesn't even look up. She's staring into deep space, her eyes fixed on the wall opposite. "Honey, I'm so sorry!" I go over to her and try to give her a hug. She doesn't push me back, but she's not responding either. Poor thing, she's so distant. It's not like we can blame her, though. I'd distance myself, too._

"_He raped me," she says suddenly, muttering._

"_Oh, I know, honey, I know!" I soothe._

"_Three times," she mumbles. I stop._

"_What?"_

"_Three times," she repeats. I shake my head._

"_No, no, he did not-" Oh my god, I can't believe this! I just-where did this sick bastard come from! I swear, if he walked in here right now, I'd be put on trial for murder! Son of a bitch, how could someone-why did he do this? How long was he with her? What did he actually _do_ to her? _

_All of these questions and awful pictures keep coming up in my head-each time she's screaming and some faceless bastard just keeps laughing his head off manically! _

"_Excuse me, miss, I'm afraid your time is up," someone says._

"_Look, could I have just like one more minute, please?" I beg._

"_No, I'm afraid questioning will have to commence again soon-at this time, it's crucial. Besides, did she tell you anything?"_

_I nod. "Oh, yeah. She admitted that he raped her and that he did it three times! So do _not_ tell me that she needs to be 'questioned' like it was her who committed the crime!"_

_I'm so angry right now! With him, with the bitch who just walked out, with _everyone! _I'm angry at myself for not being able to help her! I'm angry at everyone else in the dorm building for not noticing some creep sneaking around and going into her dorm uninvited! And I'm mad at her for being stupid enough to leave the damn door unlocked!_

_Oh, wait, she probably did it for me. She always goes to bed a lot earlier than me, and can't always let me in, and the number of times I've forgotten those damn keys…oh my god, it's _my_ fault he got in! Shit, why did I have to go drinking tonight? Why couldn't I just have stayed at the dorm? The door would've been locked and any arsehole who did break in would have two of us to deal with!_

_Another officer has come in. "Did she tell you anything?" he asks. I nod._

"_Yeah, she told me that he-" I feel someone grasp my wrist. It's her. "Hey, honey, what?" She shakes her head, in a 'don't tell' way. "Honey, I have to, it's the only way to put this bastard in jail!" I hear a mutter of disapproval coming from the officer, but I ignore him. She keeps on shaking her head. "Why don't you tell me?" I lean my ear down, and she whispers;_

"_I can't say any of this to him, I just can't!" She starts crying, and I hug her again. I get it-she doesn't want to be anywhere near a guy right now._

"_Um, do you think you could send in a different officer?" I ask._

"_Why?" he says, looking confused._

"_I just don't think she can be around any men right now," I explain. He nods understandingly, and leaves, presumably to bring in the female officer who was in here before me._

"_All right, miss, I'm afraid it's necessary that I question her in privacy," she begins automatically. "It'll stop our victim from feeling crowded."_

"_The 'victim' has a name," I point out._

"_Not where I come from, sweetie. Now, I'm afraid you're gonna have to leave."_

"_But I'm here for support-"_

"_I don't care if you're the ghost of goddamn town of Mississippi-you're not staying!" the officer snaps._

"_Fine. Call me in three hours when you've given up," I surrender. I feel her grip my wrist again. "Sorry, honey, I gotta go. As much as I'd love to stay here and piss off the officer, I gotta leave. And you gotta answer her questions." She shakes her head. "Yeah, I don't think you're gonna get anything out of her," I state._

"_And you think you could? An unlicensed, untrained non-professional?"_

"_Hey, I might not be any of those things, but I am her friend!"_

"_But you're not a relative?" I shake my head. "Then you're not staying."_

"_For god's sake, will you just let her stay!" someone bursts out. I turn to discover it's my best friend, fuming._

"_As much as I sympathise, I'm not gonna go breaking regulations for one person. I get about six of you people every week-why do you think you're an exception?"_

"_Because it might not have occurred to you that this could have been the work of a serial rapist," she says, amazing me. Where is all this coming from?_

"_He'd have to be a goddam Time Lord to do all these! Besides, only authorised personnel and students are permitted on your campus-you said yourself it had to be a student."_

_She sits back down, surrendering. "Listen, you not telling us doesn't affect us in any way at all. It doesn't make us look bad because you refuse to part with the information." She says nothing, and it looks like she's gone distant again. "Okay, miss," the officer turns to me. "I'm afraid you're gonna have to step outside now. If your friend co-operates, she shouldn't be in there for too long."_

_I take one last look at her, and decide maybe I should just go. I'm not being any help to her right now._

"_Amanda?" she calls. I turn and she beckons me over. Ignoring the sighs of the officer, I go to her side. "Why can't you stay?"_

"_Would you say anything if I did?" I ask. She nods._

"_This isn't easy, reliving it," she mutters sadly. Of course it can't be, hon. All right, time to battle the dragon again. I open my mouth to argue my case when I see she's sitting down._

"_Pull up a chair," the officer says. She's letting me stay! Guess our little foreign friend got through to her!_

"_Okay, let's start with the attacker," she begins. I smile at my friend encouragingly, but she looks like a nervous wreck again. "Can you remember anything, aside from the fact that he looks like a student? We can't just go prosecuting every male student at NYU."_

"_He had an American accent," she mumbles._

"_So he wasn't an exchange student?" She shakes her head. "Okay, that limits it down to about six thousand."_

"_You know the sarcasm isn't helping," I say pointedly._

"_Do you wanna stay in here?" Damnit! "All right, any facial features that stand out? Hair colour? Eye colour? You got anything?" Okay, now she's really getting impatient._

"_He jumped on me so fast, I-" she struggles. Her voice goes all weird, like there's a lump there. This is way too emotional for her. "I'm sorry," she says bravely. The officer-Officer Tomlinson it says on her badge-nods._

"_All right," Tomlinson begins. "Let's skip that for now. What about the attack itself? Can you remember anything?"_

"_What's that got to do with anything?" I hiss._

"_Listen, miss, I think I'm being very lenient by just letting you witness this, but if you begin questioning _my_ methods, then I'm afraid I'm gonna have to go back being the heartless bitch who throws you out." I'm silenced again. Clearly she's in the wrong department-I can see her interrogating any rapist without a problem! "So anyway, can you remember anything about the attack itself?"_

"_Which one?" she answers. Tomlinson stops._

"_Do you mean to tell me that he attacked you more than once?" she clarified. _

"_Yes." For the first time, Tomlinson actually looks shocked. She stands up, and places a hand to her mouth. She's struggling with this information, I can tell._

_But she seems to remember herself, and shakes her hands, as though shrugging it off. "All right, miss, the first attack-where did that take place?"_

"_In the bathroom."_

"_I see. What were you doing before he attacked?"_

"_What is this, a cross-examination?" I argue._

"_Who are you, her goddamn lawyer?" Tomlinson shoots back. I would normally stand down and be quiet, but not this time-she really is starting to sound like the defence lawyer of the rapist! Tomlinson sighs. "Not that it's any of your business, but if the guy is in fact-as your friend suggested-a serial rapist, he's bound to leave a noticeable track! One of the clues is a pattern to his attacks."_

"_Right, so does anything resemble any other attacks?"_

"_Honey, I deal with too many of these to remember specific cases," Tomlinson replies. "Now, if it's all right with you and your little lawyer stance, may I get back to my job?"_

"_Of course," I say cheekily. She sighs again, but doesn't threaten to kick me out._

"_All right, so what were you doing before the attack?"_

"_Taking a shower," she answers stiffly._

"_Then he literally jumped at you?"_

"_He managed to sneak into the bathroom. The water was running, I didn't hear anything! I went to the sink, and when I looked in the mirror, there he was!" Her face screws up, and she starts shaking again. I take her into my arms, letting her cry it away. This is too much._

"_Rewind," Tomlinson says. "And stop at the mirror. It's a freeze-frame. What did he look like?" She says nothing. "Any small detail could help us catch him." She looks up into the face of her interrogator._

"Any _detail?" she repeated. Tomlinson nods. "Including the attacks themselves?" Tomlinson nods again. "Well, where to begin. He groped my breasts after removing the towel, he threw me down onto the floor after banging my head against the sink, he took down his pants, forced himself on top of me and violated me like I've never been violated before! And to cap it all, the bastard did it _three_ times! Is that detailed enough for you, Officer?" She stands up, robe flapping, and marches out there. Tomlinson looks lost for words, and doesn't even protest as I follow her lead._

"_My God, honey, that was great!" I gush. "I'm so proud of you!" She looks at me._

"_For what? Being the victim? Surviving the attack? Or reliving it? Which is it, Amanda?"_

"_The last two are good," I say weakly. She shakes her head. _

"_None of this is good."_

Damnit, damnit, damnit! That stupid bitch took my pendant! Right after she nearly killed James, she went and _stole_ my pendant!

Not that it's really important anymore. She destroyed the portal-that was my _only_ chance of getting to Avalon, and she took it! She didn't even _use_ it! All she wanted it for was to find her precious mother! She died when you were nine, Lara! Get over it! I know I said she wasn't dead, but she might as well be! Once you're in Avalon, you can't come back! Bet she doesn't know that either! She's good at athletics, but she is _unbelievably _stupid sometimes! I hope she knows how the pendant works-I'd hate for something bad to happen…

As for James, he's been good, but I don't really need him. I never _loved_ him, especially not after his little princess came along! He was a good tool-hey, he got me most of the sword pieces. Then he went and lost one to that slut! How could he be so freaking stupid? Even his precious daughter's got more sense than him! Now I think, it was her who got that sword piece! He thought it was in Nevada-she thought it was in Australia-guess who was right? James saw the markings and thought it was some alien code, so automatically assumed it had something to so with Area 51. She recognised it as Aboriginal texts and located it in central Australia.

Well, whatever, it's too late. Excalibur's reforged, and look who's got it-Lara fucking Croft! The English bitch who gets everything-including out of that those pre-Incan caves with Anaya and some other geek, leaving me there to rot!

I never thought Anaya would betray me. I shouldn't have told her about Bolivia-she realised after that she'd made a mistake-she admitted it to Lara. At least she kept it hidden that she knew I was still alive. I lied when I said that no-one tried to get me out-Anaya did. The other two went to the town, but she stayed, claiming she was injured. She knew I was alive, and she found me. That's why she couldn't go back down-I asked her not to. If she'd been down there, the mercenaries wouldnt've attacked, which kind of eliminated the point of sending them. The chasing her thing? Total set-up. It meant Lara'd speed up and get down there! She never found it, though-she never found what was there! All she got was a tomb-what I got was a legend.

* * *

_James's POV_

She's locked herself in her damn room again! I keep trying to talk to her, but she keeps telling me to 'fuck off!' Well, to hell with her! If she wants to sulk, let her. I really can't be fucked to sort out her problems. Why doesn't she just accept that her precious Lara doesn't want her!

I'm getting kind of tired of England. I wanna go back to New York, where I actually have some kind of life! I'm only here for her. I didn't even have to come, but I figured that when she went after her, it would blow, and I couldn't leave her to do it herself-what kind of father would I be if I had done?

Not that I've been a model father-it took me six weeks to find the bitch! Apparently I'm not as good at research as she is, because it took her three _days_ to track me down. It took her three days to discover my habits! That I flew out to Washington every week without fail to visit my father, to hear his 'disappointment' in me before freaking out about some work dilemma. This is why I didn't stay in D.C.

"_James," my father greets._

"_Good morning, father," I say, mentally preparing myself._

"_How have you been doing? Any news?"_

"_Since last week? Not much," I reply. He sighs. Comments like that mean I'm not taking anything seriously in his book. I expect him to say something like that, but he remains silent. Maybe he's given up?_

"_Listen, son, there's something that's been bothering me." Here we go. "What happened to that girl who was in here last week?" Huh-I wasn't expecting that!_

"_Uh, nothing," I shrug. Well, come on, I can't exactly tell him the truth! Illegitimate kids are definitely 'no!' _

"_That's interesting," he says. "Because I was talking to Emma…" Ah, Emma. She's really cute-bet she'd look hot in a slutty nightgown. "…that she was really upset about something. That it happened after your visit."_

"_What did, father?"_

"_For God's sakes, listen, child! That girl, apparently she was really upset after your consultation with her." Call it a talk, damnit, why's everything a 'consultation' or a 'debate'? I shrug again. "What happened between the two of you, James?"_

"_Hey, look, I didn't rape her and get her pregnant or anything," I smirk. His face frowns._

"_No, because we've had quite enough rape scandals, haven't we, James William?" Uh oh, he called me by my middle name-he's pissed. "Be _serious_ for once, James, before it's too late!" I nod. "You can start by telling me what happened, and no sarcasm, please-it's the lowest form of wit." As you've informed me before, father, as you've informed me before._

_I sigh. "She said something that kinda got me freaked out, and I'm guessing she didn't like my reaction." Hey, it's the truth._

"_What did she say?"_

"_Father-"_

"_What is it you're afraid of, James?" I laugh._

"_What?"_

"_Why are you so afraid to tell me? Are you ashamed? Is it something from the past that's come to haunt you?"_

"_Now you're just talking bullshit-"_

"_Am I?" he contradicts. He's sitting down, but his piercing glare makes me feel like 6cm tall. It feels like he's towering over me. Oh good, now he's stood up. "Am I being so ridiculous, son, or have I hit a nerve? Which is it?"_

"_You've 'hit a nerve'," I admit. I dunno-for some reason I never could lie to that big, ugly fat-arse. He's so intimidating-guess that's how he got the Senator position._

"_Well, perhaps you'd care to elaborate?" he prompts. No, not really. I hadn't planned on saying anything about it, but you forced it outta me, didn't you?_

"_It doesn't even matter anymore. She's probably not even in town."_

"_That doesn't mean you don't have to deal with it. This visit could only be the start."_

"_She said herself it only had to be important if I wanted it to be, and I don't," I argue. He looks impressed. Why, what did I say?_

"_Good Lord, you've given me a brilliant idea," he smiles. "I still got the security tape. I'll just watch that." My eyes widen. Shit, I forgot about that! No, no, no, he can_not_ see that!_

"_There's no need," I say._

"_Oh, you'll tell me yourself?" he says, feigning surprise. I nod reluctantly. "Well, James, it's good to see you have a conscience. Begin anywhere you feel comfortable." He settles himself in his chair. I'm not sure how I'm gonna do this. Should I break it gently, so as not to shock the old man? Or should I just be blunt with it? Screw it, I'm being blunt!_

"_You sure you're ready?" I check. He nods impatiently. "You're a grandpa." His smile falters. "That girl was my sixteen year-old daughter who I never knew I had, and she got upset because I said no." His mouth is now literally hanging open, and his eyes look terrified. Did I say too much? "I think that's pretty much it," I say as a final piece. "Anyway, I'd love to stay, but I gotta go. Have a good day, won't you?" He hasn't moved his position at all-not even his face is different. I smirk and begin to laugh as I sling my leather jacket over my shoulder and head out. That was fun._

_I'm passing reception when I'm stopped by that hot piece of arse Emma._

"_Uh, hey, James, that was quick!" she smiles._

"_Yeah. No stalkers this week, huh?" I smile. She laughs._

"_Yeah, I haven't seen her about. Guess she finally gave up. So anyway, I was wondering, what happened between you two?"_

"_Why do you care?"_

"_Oh, I-I don't, it's just she was kind of upset. And she's the type of kid who doesn't look like she gets upset easy, so I was just wondering-it doesn't even matter." She sits down in her chair, awkwardly, throwing herself into her work. "Although," she says, as I'm leaving. "She left her purse behind."_

"_Yeah, so?"_

"_Well, it's not ours, and she hasn't come in to claim it, so-"_

"_Throw it in the garbage."_

"_Hey, this is Gucci! You do _not_ just throw Gucci down the garbage chute!"_

"_Okay, so keep it."_

"_Oh, I'd love to, but with these shoes, I'd feel like I was turning into a designer bitch!" She clasps the purse to her chest dramatically. Oh I get it-she's 'flirting'._

"_Well you know there's nothing wrong with being a little designer," I say._

"_Yeah…" she says, fingering the purse. She looks up at me with those eyes that girls do-I dunno, it's some kinda tactic or something. "Oh, but I really shouldn't. Maybe I should just return it?" she sighs. What does she want me to do, tell her she can keep it? _

"_But I'm always so busy, I don't think I'd have time to just drop by," she continues. Wait- "Maybe you could?" she suggested nonchalantly. Damnit, was this her plan? "I mean, you gotta go to the airport anyway, and her motel's right by it!" she says, laughing. I'm nodding, struggling not to laugh. If she's trying to not be subtle, oh my _god_ she's crap at this!_

"_And how would you know where her motel was?" She stops._

"_Uh, she gave me the address," she lies, running a hand through her hair._

"_And why would she do that?"_

"_Well, hey, I don't know, maybe she just felt like it!" Emma argues. "Now would you just take this to her?"_

"_Emma, I know what you're doing," I sigh._

"_Really, and what's that?" she replies, sitting back down in her chair._

"_You're trying to get me to talk to her cos she told you everything," I explain._

"_Oh," she says. "What would that be?"_

"_Don't make me say it-"_

"_No, seriously, I haven't-what the heck are you talking about?" She leans forward on her desk, propping herself on her elbows. She's smiling up at me in that weird way of hers-it's so cute!_

"_Emma, you're not-this isn't gonna work, okay? It's a very cute plan that you concocted but, I'm not falling for it. Sorry."_

"_Are you writing a screenplay, or something, cos you're not making any sense," Emma laughs. "What is the deal with you two?" I raise my eyebrows. "Okay. So I've been to her motel room just to check she was okay, but I really don't know what happened. Maybe you should sort it."_

"_You really don't know?" She shakes her head._

"_No I don't. But if you just tell me, my expression will tell you if I'm lying or not."_

"_What if you're acting it?" I smirk._

"_I'm not that good an actress," she assures me. Fine, Emma, you're getting what you want._

"_So she never mentioned, just in the passing, that she was my daughter from sixteen years ago when I was at college?" Emma's smile falters and stops completely. She's jumped up._

"_What? You're-you're her-oh my god!" she gasps, starting to pace. "Oh my god, I cannot-is this for _real!_" she babbles. I nod, and she gasps again. "Oh my-James, how could you reject her!" she bursts out._

"_What-?"_

"_Oh, now it all makes sense," she sighs. "That's why she got so upset. That's why she asked me not to ask _you! _That's why she…James, what were you thinking?"_

"_What else she did she do?"_

"_Well, she started going on at me about parents and adoption and should they be allowed contact, and what did I think? I just-I was like 'what is this girl on'. It never occurred to me it was because of you."_

"_Hey, this is not my fault, she just sprung this on me!"_

"_Yeah, well, she behaved a lot more rationally than you!"_

"_She'd known for longer!" I argued._

"_You know what, I really don't want toyou talk about this now so will you just do the decent thing and take her purse back?"_

"_Fine-what?" What did she just say?_

"_Take it back," she repeats, standing opposite me, hands on her hips._

"_I am not taking her-"_

"_Oh yes you are!" she cuts in, taking the purse from the desk and handing it to me. "Because _you_ broke that girl's heart, and the _least_ you can do is give her an explanation!"_

"_Since when did this become so personal?" I argue, taking the purse._

"_Hey, man, that's my talent! I make things personal, and you know what, it makes a whole lot better at the job-"_

"_Emma, that's not your job-"_

"_I'm also good at screening," she smiles. "Now would you just go to the motel? I got the address right here." I take it reluctantly._

"_She won't wanna see me," I protest._

"_Yeah, well, at least she'll know you made the gesture. Also it saves me from returning the purse," she mumbles, thinking I didn't hear her.

* * *

_

_Lily's POV_

_Have I got everything? Ticket, passport-scratch the passport, I don't need it! I'm only flying to JFK for god's sakes! Uh, flight details? Yeah. Everything packed? Yeah. _

_Relax, Lil. You got everything, you scoured the room three days ago! Well I got three hours till I have to leave-may as well take a shower._

_I'm interrupted as I'm drying my hair with a loud buzz from the intercom. That's what I like about this place-they respect your privacy. They don't send anyone up unless you give them the 'okay'._

"_Yeah?" I say._

"_Miss?" the intercom crackles. "There's someone here to see you." Huh, that's weird. Who'd be here to see me? Oh, I wonder if it's- "Miss?"_

"_Who is it?" I ask._

"_A James Rutland." I stop. My face frowns in confusion. What's he-why's he here? "Miss? Shall I send him away?" I hear an angry sigh from the other end. I'm guessing it's Rutland._

"_No, no, that's-you can send him up," I reply._

"_All right, miss." He signs off. I collapse against the wall and take a deep breath. What could he want, or is he here to make sure I don't spread it?_

_Son of a bitch, I'm only wearing a freakin' bathrobe! I run through into the bedroom and rummage through the closet. Right, I packed everything! Damnit!_

_I go back to the bathroom and quickly throw on the tank top and jeans. Thank god I left my brush in here, my hair looks like a bush!_

_I hear a knock at the door. I give my hair one last brush through and go to the door, trying to act nonchalant. I look through the spy hole, and it's definitely him._

"_Hey," I say, opening the door. "What do you want?" See-totally cool, not at all acting like I would if it was Emma i.e. a total wreck with red-rimmed eyes._

"_Uh, you left your purse at the offices. Emma asked me to bring it to you," he explains, holding it out._

"_Oh," I say, taking the purse. I take a look at it and stop. This isn't mine. "Why didn't she bring it herself?" He shrugs._

"_She claims she was too busy," he says, smirking. Damn you, Emma-you're a lot smarter than I thought you were!_

"_So hey, that's gotta suck," I state._

"_What?"_

"_Well, you're about two and a half hours away from me being out of your life forever. Then you gotta go making home deliveries." He nods as he understands. "So, thanks for bringing this by," I say._

"_Yeah, well," he replies awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. I smile-he did that the last time we met, too. _

"_Well, I'm sure you're busy," I say after an awkward silence. I know, I know-this is my chance, why am I getting rid of him? Because honestly, I'm not sure I have the energy to find out anymore. He's made his choice-he wants nothing to do with me._

"_Uh, yeah, of course," he agrees. "Uh, can I use the bathroom?"_

"_Uh, yeah, I guess. Just don't be too long, I gotta be out of here ten minutes!" My god what is he doing here? He couldn't just let me go! For god's sakes, don't you think it's bad enough to destroy me once, but to actually come back and…do it again? _

_I go to my cell phone stowed in my carry-on and dial in a number. I wait for her to pick up, and when she does she's all "Lily, heeey!" all dramatically._

"_Emma, hi!" I say. "How are you?"_

"_Oh, I'm just completely swamped right now!"_

"_Yeah, I imagine it can't be too easy."_

"_No, it's really not."_

"_Yeah. I mean you must be busy not to be able to come by and drop off the Ralph Lauren yourself!" There's a big silence._

"_First of all, it's Gucci!" she protests. "And second, what are you talking about? You left that bag-"_

"_Emma! You know I own no such bag. And _I _know that it's yours because I remember seeing it on your coffee table in your little office!"_

"_Okay, fine! But I had to get him down there!"_

"_Why?" I argue._

"_So you could talk it out. I knew you took your real purse, so I gave him mine!"_

"_But, seriously, Gucci? That must have cost you like three hundred bucks! Were you that desperate?"_

"_Well, hey, you know it had to be designer! If it wasn't, he could've used the 'throw it out' clause! I had a stronger case when it was Gucci!"_

"_Well, he's here. Got any more scripts worked out?"_

"_Actually, this is where my creativity kinda runs dry," she admits. "But you'll work it out."_

"_There's _nothing_ to work out, Emma," I sigh. "It's over. And just so you know, I'm keeping the purse."_

"_Hey, man, I paid $350 for that! That is _my_ purse!"_

"_I was kidding, Emma. I'll drop it by the office on my way to the airport."_

"_Oh, but wait, don't you have a plane to catch?"_

"_That's kinda why I'm going to the airport."_

"_Yeah, but I could stop by the motel," she suggests._

"_I thought you were swamped," I remind her._

"_Yeah, but if you drop it at reception, I'll come and pick it up."_

"_How will they know it's yours?"_

"_Well, we'll work out a secret code, or something!" she snaps._

"_Don't start getting pissy with me, Emma, this was _your_ fault!"_

"_All right, I'm sorry. Just tell them-Emma Fletcher should be there to pick it up."_

"_Whatever," I sigh. "So hey, thanks for-trying-but, it's not gonna work out. And I should probably turn this off before I forget, because before you know it, Dee will start calling while I'm on the plane and we'll crash, and I really don't need that now."_

"_Hey, call me when you reach New York," she says._

"_Sure," I agree. "Bye, Emma."_

"_Yeah, see you, Lily." We hang up. I turn around, expecting to find Rutland behind me, because with my fortune he'd have heard the whole thing, but the bathroom door's still locked-I guess he's in there. How long does it _take_ to piss anyway?_

_Hello! What did you think? If you have any opinion, big small, nice horrible, press that button and tell me_


	5. Unnamed

_Disclaimer: Is this really necessary? Everyone: Yes! Fine, quite simply, I do not own Tomb Radier. Is that clear enough? Everyone: No Why? Everyone: Because you spelt it 'radier' Oh, whatever!_

_The Third Demi God: My lovely sole reviewer-yes, Emma is Alister's sister and yes Rutland is rather a sick bastard, but he has his reasons! And I'll explain them (properly) in a later chapter. Thanks for what you put btw-anyways, I shall (not) see you later!

* * *

__Alister's POV_

I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! My dissertation-the one I've been waiting for for fifteen years has finally come through! Warrington just came over and told me I'll be joining in the 'graduation' ceremony. Technically, I was never at University for the last ten years, but it's a University-based doctorate. And it's come through!

'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dr Alister Fletcher!' I think proudly. I think it's a title well-deserved. It should earn me some respect at the very least!

I am interrupted in my glee by the sound of my mobile going off. I don't recognise the number on the front, but I'm delirious, so I don't notice.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Alister, baby! How's it going?" shouts an all too familiar voice.

"Hi. Haven't we talked about this?" I say as a way of greeting.

"What? Oh, what, like I can't greet my brother in a nice way anymore?"

"Well, it's just if anyone knew who you were, they'd think it was incestuous, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever!" she sighs. "My god, what did Mom do to you to screw you up so bad?"

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, I'm just kidding. So, how are you, you never answered?"

"Oh, you know, normal," I reply nonchalantly. "What about you?"

"Oh yeah, I've been great!" she replies enthusiastically. "Well, it wasn't so great two months back, because my boyfriend dumped me-arsehole! Oh, and uh, I was this close to getting fired!"

I sigh. "What did you do this time?"

"Like sleeping with the head security guy is against the rules!" she argues. I snort with laughter. "No, no, it was just a little mix-up. I cancelled an appointment I shouldn't have and James just blew up, so-"

"James?" I ask.

"Yeah, Rutland. The Senator?"

"Oh," I say, realisation hitting me. How's that for a coincidence? My sister works for the Senator Rutland, and Lara has a feud against his youngest son! Wait, didn't he die?

"Has he been stressed recently?" I ask nonchalantly.

"Uh, well, his son was in hospital-you know, Sean, but that was six months ago. I mean sure, the cancer could return, but…for now he's all good."

"What about his other secretary? Why didn't she get the blame?"

"Honey, keep up, she quit three years ago!" Oh yeah. "Alister?"

"Yes?"

"I can tell from all the way in America that you're excited about something. So come on, don't be selfish-tell me."

"I'm finally getting my dissertation!" I announce proudly.

"What?" she says sounding genuinely shocked. "Oh, that's great! Honey, I'm so happy for you! I mean after fifteen years of hard work-you finally got there! Oh, I'm so proud of you."

"You can take the piss," I say. I'm very perceptive of her feelings, like she is mine. It's an odd bond, considering we grew up in different continents!

"Thank you!" she shouts. "Look, seriously, how did it take you fifteen years to get a doctorate that you could've gotten ten years ago if you'd just admitted that _maybe_ your theory of 'everything being connected' was bullshit?"

"Because, Emma, I waited and now I'm getting the honours with my theory still intact!"

"Yeah, I guess that could be the upside, but you have to _really_ wanna see it!" she laughs. I remain silent. "Oh, come on, don't give me the silent treatment, I'm kidding!" Still I say nothing. "Yeah, I'm not gonna grovel like I did last time," she assures me.

"Oh all right," I agree mock reluctantly.

"What amazing willpower," she mutters sarcastically.

"Well then, Emma, what is it?"

"Huh?"

"Well, it's just you don't normally call me at random times in this particular social climate-there must be something else." She gasps.

"Why, Alister! I'm officially hurt and mortally offended that you'd think I'd have a hidden agenda!" she says, quite OTT. I raise my eyebrows, although I realise she can't see. "You're raising your eyebrows, aren't you?" she guesses. Damnit-how does she do it? Does she have a secret videophone or something? She laughs at my stunned silence. "Well, all right, as a matter of fact, there was something," she admits. Finally.

"Yes?"

"Well, I've been given a lot of vacation leave-sort of a guilt trip thing for overreacting, I'm guessing. Anyway, I really don't wanna be stuck in Washington for like five weeks on end, so I was thinking, why don't you come to the States?"

"America? Me? To see you?" I blabber.

"Well yeah, I mean we haven't seen each other in two years, that's a kinda pathetic record."

"Well, maybe, but I'm not sure I'd be able get time off," I begin.

"Oh come on, your boss won't let you have two weeks?" she says sceptically.

"Well-"

"Look, honey, if you don't want to, you can just say, it was _just_ an idea," she assures, but I can tell she's putting a brave face on.

"Oh, it's not that, I'd love to see you," I pipe up. "I'm just not sure I want to spend two weeks in Washington DC."

"Oh, Alister, it wouldn't be in Washington! I'm not asking you to come stay, I'm asking if you'd like to go somewhere on vacation-you know, as siblings. I was thinking somewhere like Miami, maybe, cos I could relax, you could smother yourself with sun block! And hey, in the evenings, we could go to a club and get laid, and then the next morning, we could take the piss out of the people we got laid with-it'll be fun!"

"Okay, so if we _did_ do this, how would it work? Would I fly to Washington and then we'd go on to Miami together, or-"

"Oh no, I wouldn't ask you to do that!" she laughs. "No, we'd meet each other in Miami! Or wherever, I mean LA sounds good, too!"

"Or Barbados?"

"Oh my god, I would _love_ to go the Caribbean!" she gasps. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"It's beyond me, 1989 SATs," I cough.

"Hey, you _know_ I was given the wrong test papers, they admitted it themselves!"

"Yes. You were entered for Higher, they gave you Foundation," I laugh.

"Yeah, well, I'd studied it way more in depth, I didn't know the basics!" she argues.

"All right, all right, I believe you," I say. "Anyway, I'm not sure about this holiday thing."

"Why not? It was you who suggested Barbados," she argues weakly.

"Yes, but, I'm 37, who am I going to 'pull'?"

"Okay, I know you did air quotes!" she laughs. "Don't be so hard on yourself, there's gotta be someone with no sense of self-um, that's self-loathing," she changes it.

"And that's better because?"

"All I'm saying is, it doesn't take someone with a sense of self-loathing to date you."

"Thanks. You know, I was going to offer you a room here, but now-"

"Wait, what?" she interrupts.

"I was going to suggest you come to stay at the estate, but if that's how you feel-"

"Hey, I was complimenting you!"

"Yes, sister dear, I know, I forgive you. So how about it, or is it too unbelievably sad?"

"No, not at all. It's actually a great idea, I'd love to come to England," she says enthusiastically.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I mean, you've come to my apartment a couple of times, now I finally get to see the big estate! But hey, would your boss be cool with it?"

"Well, first of all she's not my boss, she's-"

"You're her research assistant, right?"

"Yes."

"Sounds like an employment contract to me."

"Whatever, she wouldn't appreciate you calling her my 'boss'. But I don't see why she should have a problem. She's not here half the time anyway."

"Then, how come-"

"Oh, it's really boring and complicated," I say.

"You always blow me off whenever I ask that question," she sighs.

"Well, it's her lifestyle and her choice about who to tell."

"Of course. You're right, I'm sorry. Um, okay, well, call me back."

"Wait, when do you have leave?"

"Uh, from three weeks from now to the beginning of May."

"Well, I'll let you know."

"Okay. Bye, honey."

"Emma-"

"Sorry. Bye, baby brother!"

"I'm four years older!"

"Whatever! See you!"

"Yes, bye, Emma."

Well, isn't this a big day for you, Alister? A dissertation and a sisterly visit. I'm sure Lara will be okay with this. I mean, so Emma works for 'the enemy'…oh, Lara will have to accept her, even if she works for Rutland. Speaking of whom…

"Alister?" someone calls.

"In the library!"

"Hey, why doesn't that surprise me?" Zip says, coming in. "So hey, you got dinner plans?" I look up, my face questioning.

"Are you asking me on a date, Zip?" I say innocently.

"Well, of course I am!" Zip laughs. "Don't you find me attractive?" I raise my eyebrows at him. "No, it's just Lara and Winston have got something going on, and I'm getting hungry."

"Well you know where the kitchen is, don't you?"

"Well sure, but I thought it would be more fun to eat out."

"You mean easier?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Didn't you used to work in a top Danish restaurant?"

"Sure-"

"Following a head chef position in Hungary?"

"I was just-"

"Not to mention a very well-paid job as sous-chef in the Norwegian climes?"

"You know what, dinner's off!" he mock shouts.

"Fine, be that way!" I join in, laughing. Unfortunately, who should come in that moment but Lara Croft herself?

"I'm sorry, I can come back later," she smirks.

"No, no, that's quite all right," I assure her.

"Well, it seems like you two have issues to work out," she says, smiling. God, what a radiant smile…they really set off her sparkling brown eyes…

"We'll deal with them."

"Well, just so long as you're certain," she smiles. "Although actually, Alister, I needed to talk to you."

"Oh sure, take his side!" Zip pouts, closing the door behind him dramatically. Lara ignores this and moves closer.

"Listen, Alister," she begins. "About this morning-"

"Lara, it's okay, you really shouldn't feel embarrassed," I cut in. She shakes her head.

"Um, no, it's not that, I'm not embarrassed, it's just, well you seemed dumbfounded-quite rightly-and is there anything you want to ask me?"

"I'm sorry?"

"About the whole thing. You didn't get the whole story, so there must be some gaps that are unclear to you-"

"You don't have to do this, Lara," I say gently, because she's starting to look upset again.

"Yes I do," she replies bravely. "And not just because it's unfair that you be burdened with this without knowing all the details, but because I think I'm going to explode if I don't share it!" She's starting to shake and is looking like she's struggling to keep it together.

"Oh, Lara," I sigh sympathetically, taking her into my arms again. "There's nothing more I need to know, so don't put yourself though this, please."

"I have to," she sobs. "Please, Alister, if I don't get it out now, I really don't think I'll be able to go on much longer."

"Lara, don't talk like that."

"Oh, why are you so surprised?" she snaps, pushing me away. "What, you think Lara Croft can't get upset? There's nothing she can't handle, isn't that true?"

"Lara, I don't-"

"Did I just waste my time telling you this morning?" she says out of the blue.

"What? Lara, of course not-I-I think it was very brave of you to come clean. If anything, I respect you more if that was possible."

"Quit grovelling, Alister-you sound like Rutland."

"What!" I say, truly shocked to the core. How could she-"I am nothing like Rutland," I reply defiantly.

"Really? Designer jacket, always wearing sunglasses, similar tacky haircuts and, ooh, what was the other one? Ah yes, appears to come back from the dead." She looks at me with those cool, confident brown eyes of hers, and I…am…furious!

"Do you honestly, truly think I'm anything like that mindless filth!" I say angrily. "Because if you do, _Lara_, then here's something that may interest you."

"Amaze me," she says sarcastically.

"Oh I think this will," I reply confidently. I go over to my desk and pull open a drawer, and brandish a few pieces of parchment. I thrust them into her hands, and watch as she unfolds it. Her eyes change from defiant to mildly surprised to downright shocked.

"Alister," she says. "Wh-"

"Perhaps I am like Rutland in more than ways than one," I admit, watching her read the parchments again. "But make no mistake, Miss Croft, I do _not_ sound _or_ act like Rutland ever!" I storm out of the library in a temper, aware of what I had just done. I've had those papers for some time, only I never gave them to her, because…because…because I didn't want to lose her.

* * *

_James's POV_

She's come out of her room, but she's not being very active. She's just sitting there, staring into space. She's not even flicking through a magazine, for Christ's sakes!

"Lily?" She looks up at me. "Are you…okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm just great, James," she replies, in a tone that's on the brink of sarcasm.

"Look," I begin. "Why don't we go back to the States?"

"What?"

"Well, without wanting to be insensitive, but the reason you came here is kinda…dead now. What's the point in staying? Let's go back to New York and just forget about her." I'm half-expecting her to jump up and lash out in rage. I'm half-hoping she does. But she's just staring at me sadly, as though I don't know anything.

"James, did anyone actually elaborate just how long it took for me to get to see you?"

"No, but-"

"Six weeks," she answers. "I came in every week, hung out all day, for _six_ weeks! Just to get the chance to meet you. And if that doesn't say anything to you, then I'll help you out. Yeah, it might seem a little desperate, obsessive, needy but that's not it. That was a perfect example of my determination and I will not stop at _anything_ to get what I really want! Back then, what I really wanted was you. So, are you seriously telling me that if I'd given up, we'd be here now as father and daughter?"

"Probably not," I admit. "But, to be fair, you only didn't give up while you thought it was still possible. You left the second you knew it was a lost cause."

"Yeah," she remembers. "But now, I know that was one of the best moves I ever did. Because in the end, you came after _me. _It was always gonna work better that way, rather than us trying to 'bond' cos you felt obligated."

"So try that this time, she-"

"She's not gonna come round-not on her own. Look, James, all I'm asking for is to just stay here a little longer."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you more determined to get her than you were me?"

"You know, I'm not sure that's true."

"But you gave up on me."

"Do you know why I stayed that extra week?"

"No, but you're gonna tell me," I say certainly.

"I was stuck in my motel room-all week."

"Doing what?" I say sceptically.

"Well, if you really wanna know, I was crying most of that time. The rest I was either sleeping or throwing up. What does that tell you?"

"Lily, look, it's okay, you're sensitive, I get it, but, I'm not sure staying in England is gonna do you any good."

"Why?"

"Because if you think this is a lost cause, you need to move on," I say gently. She takes a big sniff, and is now crying.

"But I don't wanna leave her," she sobs.

"But, Lily, she doesn't-I mean, why is this so important?"

"You really need to ask that question after everything _we_ went through?"

"Lia-"

"You know, there's one thing I never really got."

"What?"

"Why did you…come looking for me? I know why I looked for you, you're my father, but…I didn't get the impression you wanted to know your daughter."

"Oh, come on, Lia, I was freaked! Weren't you when you first found out?"

"Not really. But that's because I'd known I was adopted my whole life."

"Lily, where's this conversation going?" I have to ask.

"I'm just trying to get a few things together in my head," she explains.

"Well, if it helps, I haven't regretted it once."

"Huh?"

"I haven't regretted finding you once."

"Not even when…"

"Not even back then," I assure her.

_I stare at the sheet, not really able to believe it. I hear a gasp from Emma as she reads it behind my shoulder._

"_So…it's really-real?" she clarifies. I nod solemnly. "Oh my god!" she gasps. "Oh, honey, what are you gonna _do_ with this?"_

"_What I should have done in the first place," I reply._

"_Okay," she agrees. "What's that again?" I stay silent. "Oh no. No, no, no, honey you can't just throw this away!" she begs. "This is too…too-"_

"_What, life-changing? Horrifying?" She shrugs._

"_Maybe not horrifying," she smiles. "But, uh-"_

"_Uprooting?"_

"_Okay, James, what do you want me to do here? Do you want me to tell you to let it go, do you want me to persuade you? I mean, come on, give me a sign, what do you want from me here?"_

"_I want you-" I begin. "To tell me what you think I should do."_

"_Uh, well, I would-"_

"_No, no, not what you'd do. What you think _I _should do." She blinks at me. I can clearly tell that she's debating with herself in her head. Why's this so hard for her-it's not gonna influence my decision._

"_I think you should go after her," she says eventually. I nod. Thank you, Emma-you've made this so much easier!_

"That's all it took?" she laughs.

"Like I said, I would've gone anyway," I say casually.

* * *

_Lily's POV_

_God, I've missed this. Being in Washington for the past, like, two months…I definitely prefer it here. Here's home, here's life, here's…family._

_I can get over this. Hell, I _am_ over it! It was just a stupid idea, a dream…just a dream. Who was I kidding, thinking he'd actually be interested? He's James Rutland, his dad's some big shot politician, he's American aristocracy…why would he want some New York reject? For god's sakes, he has an apartment on Fifth! You'd have to be Rutland rank to get a _tour_ of the freakin' place!_

_Even if he had 'accepted me', I really don't think I would've liked his lifestyle, you know? Fifth Avenue apartments would have been great, but he must have functions and the whole thing to attend, just to look good. Would I have been able to keep on living in Brooklyn where I recently inherited the apartment? Dee and Terry-the adoptive dad-have 'moved on to better things'. By that, I mean they moved like sixteen blocks to the south, the 'better' part of the city. By that, I mean Manhattan. I would have gone with 'em, you know, cos it's closer to NYU, but I like having my own apartment. Okay, so I can't legally rent it until I'm eighteen-which is a year away, I had my seventeenth last week-but it's not like I'd pay full rent. Dee and Terry would pay for half and I'd pay for the other half with my job in Bloomingdale's._

_I know, right-Bloomingdale's. I'm just a check-out girl, but it's not a bad job to get at my age, especially as I can only follow specific shifts-I can't just change suddenly because of my studies. Also, a little secret, Bloomingdale's are a little short-staffed. They eliminated a whole department, just to make ends meet in other departments! Besides, being a check-out girl's great-you get the gossip without the drama of it._

_I'm starting at NYU next semester, to do Anthropology. It sounds boring, right? But, in my junior year at high school, this archaeologist came in, and brought with him real artefacts from one of his digs-he even brought in some Egyptian texts. Obviously he'd had those copied, because they were a lot more fragile. _

_Whatever, I was hooked. He actually said specifically to me that he 'hadn't seen such an archaeology enthusiast for a long time'. I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not, so I just smiled._

_Although, I gotta be honest, it wasn't so much the archaeology bit that interested me-you know, the digging part. The artefacts themselves gripped me. It stayed with me for high school, now I'm doing it for college._

"_Lil? Lily?" I look up to the sound of Terry's voice. "Hey, you okay? You sorta drifted off there."_

"_Oh, that, I was just…daydreaming. Where's everyone else?"_

"_They gone to the lake-couldn't be arsed to wait while I got you."_

"_You coulda just left me here," I sigh, lying down on the grass._

"_It's a big park, Lil-we could lose each other."_

"_Yeah, so? I'm a big girl, Terry, I can find my way home."_

"_Okay," he smiles. "Just come down to the lake, anyway, huh?"_

"_Fine," I surrender. "But I'm not getting in a boat."_

"_That was completely accidental, you know that!" he protests._

"_Yeah, sure," I agree. "Cos the lake's just swarming with eels, right?"_

"_It could be." I shake my head, laughing. Last time we were on the lake, Terry 'claimed' he saw an eel, then he turned the damn boat over! Which was kinda stupid, cos even if there were eels in the lake, he just took us closer to them!_

_Terry and Grayson and Helen have got into their little boat now, with Terry rowing, Grayson screaming cos he's scared and Helen checking the water for eels. Me, I'm just lying down again, too bored and tired to even sit up and watch._

"_What a beautiful view," someone mutters. I look up, and gasp as I take in a familiar face._

"_Wolfgang! Hey, what you doing here?" I gasp. "I thought you were still in prison?"_

"_Nope, got let out early. Cool, huh?"_

"_Wow. So, good behaviour or bribery?"_

"_All the bribery in the world don't get you out, Lil. I had to be good."_

"_Oh, well, that's okay. You're back now!"_

"_Yeah. So how'd I guess you'd be in Central Park?"_

"_Cos that's where I go when things blow," I sigh._

"_Oh, yeah, the dad thing. How'd it go?" he says innocently, sitting down beside me._

"_Quite simply, Wolfgang, it blew," I sigh._

"_No! How could anyone reject my little Bearclaw!"_

"_Rutland can."_

"_Who?"_

"_James Rutland. You know, the senator guy's son."_

"_We have a senator called Rutland?"_

"_Yes."_

"_He has a son?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Wow. So you're like…rich!"_

"_No," I shake my head. "To be rich, you have to be a family member, and I failed that."_

"_Right. So, how's the marijuana?"_

"_What?"_

"_You're still smoking it, right?"_

"_No. I gave it up when I realised NYU kinda frown on that."_

"_NYU? What do you wanna go there for?"_

"_So I can get a degree."_

"_Why do you want that?"_

"_So I don't end up in and out of prison all my life for drug trafficking like you."_

"_Right, so you're too good for me, huh?"_

"_No. You can do that all you want. You just need someone with enough money to bail you."_

"_Aw, you'd do that for me?"_

"_Honey, I _have!_" I remind him._

"_Oh yeah," he grins._

"_Two minutes, Hartley!" someone shouts in our direction. I look behind us and see a cop standing there._

"_I thought you said you were out," I say. Wolfgang shrugs. "This is just a venture, isn't it?"_

"_Sure," he agrees. "Come on, Bearclaw, you're not mad are you?"_

"_That you're still an inmate? Course not," I smile. "But, I guess you gotta go in, like, a minute, so it was good talking to you again."_

"_Yeah, you, too."_

"_One minute, Hartley!" He frowns._

"_I got it!" he shouts. "So, any last words, before I go back inside?"_

"_No," I smile. "Just…take care, okay?" _

"_Oh, I got protection," he says mysteriously. I snort with laughter._

"_Time's up, Hartley!" He sighs._

"_I guess I gotta go. Don't wanna keep Big Momma waiting." He gets up and starts to leave._

"_Hey, Wolfgang?"_

"_Yeah?" I go up to him and plant a kiss on his lips._

"_Thanks," I mutter._

"_Hartley!"_

"_I've gotta go," he repeats._

"_So go!" I push him. He returns to the officer, who's got handcuffs waiting! Freaking handcuffs! What, so he's worried he'll run off? You're gonna need leg shackles for that…_

_I turn back to the tree I was sitting under, and almost fall backwards! There's someone there, someone with dark sunglasses, someone with a red, designer shirt…someone who looks freakishly like James Rutland Junior…_

_What is he-what the hell is he doing here? Goddamnit! Why-why are you here?_

"_Hey," he calls. What?_

"_Hey," I call back._

"_Lily? Yo, Lily?" I turn._

"_Terry! Hi!" I shout._

"_Hey, what's up?"_

"_Nothing. Did you guys have fun?" I ask Grayson and Helen. Grayson jumps up and says;_

"_I saw a frog! A real frog, Lily!"_

"_Did you? That's great!" I smile, patting him on the head. "What about you, Helen? Did you like it?" She shrugs._

"_Daddy told me there'd be eels. There weren't any."_

"_Well, do you know what an eel looks like?" She shakes her head. "Then how do you know you didn't see one?" She shrugs, and starts laughing._

"_Terry!" someone shouts. "Good to see you!"_

"_James! Hi, how's it going?"_

"_Oh, you know. Things aren't too great in Washington right now." he smiles. Shit, he's coming over! My birth father is coming over!_

"_Terry, I'm gonna take the kids for an ice cream," I say._

"_No, wait a sec, Lil-you are gonna _love_ this guy!" he says enthusiastically, putting an arm around my shoulders and hugging me close._

"_Oh, I doubt it," I mutter._

"_So, Terry, how's Dee doing?" Rutland asks._

"_Oh, yeah, she's great. She was sick a little while back-" Rutland's face changes to one of sympathy. "But, she's doing okay. But, anyways, I thought I'd take the kids off her for a day, and it's actually been real fun, right, kids?" Grayson and Helen nod silently. I stay stone cold. "Uh, anyway, these are the twins, Grayson and Helen." Rutland stoops down to their level, and smiles._

"_So, Grayson, you like pictures?" Grayson nods. What the hell- "So how about me and your dad take you to the Guggenheim someday? You'd like it, they have some great paintings." Grayson smiles and nods._

"_Can we, dad?"_

"_Yeah, I guess," Terry says, looking bemused. Why so surprised, Terry? It was probably you who told him he loved art._

"_And, Helen, what about you, do you like paintings?"_

"_No," she replies straight. "They're boring."_

"_Well, what do you like?"_

"_Animals," she says stiffly._

"_You know, the Natural History Museum's got some great animals."_

"_I know, daddy took me there!"_

"_Which bit was your favourite?"_

"_I liked the fish. They look creepy."_

"_Fish, huh? Yeah, I never really liked fish. They always freaked me out."_

"_Well, maybe if you watched them, you'd like them," she suggests. I shake my head._

"_Yeah, maybe I will," he smiles. A smile slowly creeps up on her face. God, what is with the schmoozing!_

"_Oh, James, have you met my other daughter?" Terry interrupts. Oh no._

"_I don't think so," he replies, standing up. _

"_Well, this is Lily," Terry introduces. Okay, Rutland, what you got?_

"_Hey," he smiles._

"_Hi," I smile back, acting nonchalant._

"_How old are you?" he makes a fatal mistake._

"_I'm surprised you've forgotten already," I whisper. "But then again, maybe not."_

"_Shoot!" Terry curses. "Crap! I forgot I had this stupid presentation to do!"_

"_What, for your cheese campaign?" I say._

"_Cheese _maker_," he corrects. It's a huge project-I can't let 'em down!" As you've probably guessed, Terry works for an advertising company. They mostly do small campaigns, like radio advertising, but occasionally, they get 'the big one'. Personally, I don't see what's so great about a cheese maker-I mean, come on, who's gonna _buy_ that?_

"_Lil, can you take the kids?"_

"_Yeah, of course," I assure him. He flashes me a grateful smile and dashes off._

"_Do you need any help there?" Rutland asks._

"_I got it," I say coldly. "Hey, you guys, let's get outta here."_

"_Where are we gonna go?" Grayson asks._

"_I dunno, I'll take you to Liberty Island or something."_

"_You don't have to leave on my account," James says out of nowhere._

"_Not everything is about you," I reply._

"_Lily-" he says, taking my arm._

"_Get your hand off me!" He puts them up in mock surrender._

"_All right, you got it," he smirks. "But, hey, I think you should read this. It might interest you." He passes over a sheet of paper, neatly bent over. It looks kind of official._

"_What is this, a summons for harassment?"_

"_Just read it." I sigh and begin to open it. "Not here. You don't wanna cause a scene." He flashes me another horrible smirk and wonders off. Arsehole!_

"_Lily?" Helen mutters._

"_What?" I look at her._

"_Where are we going?"_

"_I don't know where do _you_ wanna go?"_

"_Me and Grayson wanna stay here," she says shyly._

"_Fine. Whatever," I agree._

_Later_

_Okay, this is stupid. It's just a freaking letter! Why am I finding this so hard? What, am I worried it's a rejection letter or something? Oh my god, that's what it is! God, Rutland, you're so tacky it's unbelievable!_

_I'm not opening it. Why read something I already know? Besides, even if it wasn't, it can't be good. He specifically told me not to open it there, so I wouldn't cause a scene-not a good omen. I don't wanna know-I'm not reading it, I'm not reading it, I'm not reading it, I'm not reading it…_

_Oh, sonofabitch! What great willpower I have! Damnit,-this better be good, or I am gonna track that bastard down and hurt him bad!_

_Oh my god, I'm shaking, I'm actually shaking! 'Get over it, Lily!' I tell myself. 'It's probably just a rejection letter-nothing important, nothing life-changing, just a really smutty way to let you down. That's _all_ this is!'

* * *

_

_Dee's POV_

_Man, my back is killing me! It hasn't hurt this much since I was carrying the twins! Damn you, Terry! If you've got me pregnant again, I'm leaving! Three kids is enough! I'm just glad I only had to give birth to two of 'em! One more, I swear I would've killed my husband!_

_God, Lily's been a freaking godsend! We were lucky to find that girl. Poor thing had been raped apparently-not really a perfect candidate for motherhood. _

"_Dee?"_

"_On the couch!" I shout. Terry comes through, looking all happy with himself._

"_Hey, sweetheart. How is my lovely wife today?" he says, kissing me on the cheek. I look at him oddly._

"_Are you high again?" I ask._

"_No! What, can't a husband greet his wife in a nice way?"_

"_Not when that husband is you and that wife is me," I sigh. "Swear to god, my back hurts!"_

"_You know what the doctor said-it's a side effect of the drugs."_

"_Yes, the anti-inflammatory drugs which are supposed to _stop_ the pain!" I point out angrily. "You sure you been putting the condoms on right?"_

"_Dee!"_

"_Hey, you remember what happened last time? You know, I was a cripple, I needed help, and it was all because you put the damn thing on upside down!"_

"_I was young and inexperienced back then!" he argues._

"_We'd been married for six years!"_

"_You wanna try it!"_

"_I did. You remember that diaphragm I had? The one that you mistook for trash and-"_

"_I do recall it vaguely, but, there's no need to get so up-"_

"_Oh I'll be uptight if I wanna be!" I snap, standing up fiercely._

"_I was going for upset there, but-Dee, are you pregnant or something, cos the only time you were ever such a nightmare was-"_

"_What, a nightmare? Well, so would you if you'd been knocked up with twins just after you got your diploma!" He looks confused._

"_Dee, that didn't happen," I reason. She shrugs._

"_Yeah, well, no matter, you know if I was pregnant again because of your incompetence, I would be so-"_

"_Sonofabitch!" we hear someone shout. I look at Terry questioningly, but he's as confused as I am._

"_Wow, she just said it for me," I marvel, smiling. "Oh! Uh, Lily?" I shout. She comes out._

"_Yeah?"_

"_What's with all the screaming? I mean, seriously, you want this place to collapse, keep going."_

"_Uh, total twist in a soap opera story," she replies, not missing a beat._

"_But you don't watch soap operas," I point out. "You said it was a way for losers to spend their time daydreaming about the people who have lives!"_

"_Then I guess I'm a loser with no life," she smiles._

"_Well, yeah, if it's got you that hooked," I say. She nods, and turns. "Lil?"_

"_Yeah?" I want to ask, I really do, but if there's one thing Terry and I have learnt, it's don't nose-it makes you a much less successful parent. If it was important enough, she'd tell us, right?_

"_Could you pass those pills?" I smile.

* * *

_

_The End (of the chapter. I'm WAY away from the end of the story!) So you know, review, yeah? If you got anything to say, tell me-nice/mean whatever_


	6. Trying

_Disclaimer: Uhhh...nope no comments, so will just stick with the standard 'I don't own this'_

_The Third Demi God: Wow, like I said in the PM (I did send it, right?) I wanted this to be confusing but maybe it's a little much I don't know. Anyways, if you drift your eyes dwon just slightly, the papers will be explained. Lov ya and thanx 4 reviewing!_

_Lara's POV_

I'm still lying in bed, I'm so disturbed. I don't understand why Alister never gave me those scrolls before, he knew how determined I was! But it's not just that, but the scrolls themselves. Where did he get them from? Scrolls like that don't just appear on the Internet, he must've worked so hard to get a hold of those!

So why would he do that and then not give them to me?

_Alister's POV_

I shouldn't have done it, I know I shouldn't but she made me so angry! Not just because of what she said, but because I'm already mad at myself most of the time! Everyday, it's like a torture that won't end, and even when you go to sleep, it just comes back to haunt you, and then the day comes and the whole cycle starts again, time after time after time after time again and again and again!

How can you love someone so much when it breaks your heart?

_Lara's POV_

I don't understand Alister's recent behaviour. Normally he takes a very limited interest in my affairs unless I need him as a researcher-he's absolutely devoted to his job, but I never really got the impression that it was all that important to him. I only hired him because a friend recommended him-by friend, I mean professor, one of the select few who wanted to believe my father, but just couldn't. He's tried to help me out in so many ways, and Alister was an invaluable assistant of his. I'm eternally grateful for that.

Alister, himself, though, while definitely being a great researcher and loyal, has never really struck me as a friend, the way Zip and Winston have. It's not that he's ignored me and has no involvement whatsoever, but he really surprised me the other day-when he found me at the memorial garden.

He was so kind, so comforting, so…it just really surprised me.

_Alister's POV_

The main thing that always gets to me are these opportunities I have-the number of times we've been alone in the hallway and I've just wanted to grab her and kiss her-but didn't.

The number of times I've seen her near death I've wanted to be by her side and protect her and carry her off in my arms-but couldn't.

There's only been one opportunity that I took in my stride-last week, when she walked out on us, and I found her in the memorial garden. When she told me what happened, I wanted to find that bastard and kill him, but I didn't need to-I was there for her. I took her in my arms, I comforted her, I let her cry in my chest…

I did everything a friend could've done…but it wasn't enough.

_Lara's POV_

Perhaps there's something more to these scrolls that he's not letting on. I've studied them over and over, and none of them make sense. I can't even decipher what bloody language it's in!

Where did they come from for starters? And why did he take so long to give them to me? How did he get by them…so many questions, Alister, but can you answer a single one?

These…these scrolls could have come from Avalon for all I know…

_Alister's POV_

She'll never be able to translate the scrolls. They're to do with Avalon, yes, I'm sure of that-but that's about it. I must have used literally thousands of sources; none of them even come close to relating to the text on the scrolls. They weren't made to be translated-at least not in this realm.

I have no doubt they were originally from Avalon. Words like that are not of this dimension-not even texts as ancient and surreal as pre-Incan comes close. No, they are from a different dimension. I found a reference to the scrolls, but nothing about translating it. It can't be done. I'm sorry, Lara, I gave you a false hope.

Perhaps it's for the best-if you were to find your way to Avalon and never be able to return…no, no, it can't be done.

It can't be done.

_Lara's POV_

I've given up and gone down to breakfast. I had to rise at some point. I noticed Alister was late as well-he normally gets up before Winston!

I'm still uneasy, though-and not just about those scrolls, but about what I told Alister. Aside from our row yesterday, we hadn't spoken since the previous morning where I…told him everything. Today, he's completely blanking me, but I suppose it could be normal. I've never really paid much attention to Alister before-he was always so quiet, you barely noticed when he entered a room! For the first month or so, he hardly spoke. He spent all his time in the library (what's changed?) and when he did come down, it was to discuss a work-related topic, often with Zip.

I begin pouring myself some tea, when Zip turns on the radio. An old seventies tune begins playing.

"I didn't know you were into seventies," Alister commented.

"Yeah, you can't rock a good Carly Simon tune!" Zip mutters sarcastically. Alister raises his eyebrows. "This radio's old, it can't pick up any other channels."

"So, by old, you mean 'old'," Alister mutters innocently. Zip smirks.

"You got it. Hey, anyone mind if I turn this up?" I start laughing silently.

"What's got you, Lara?"

"Nothing," I smile.

"_Nobody does…it better. Makes me feel sad _for_ the rest. Nobody does it…half as good as you! Baby you're the best!" _I look up. Who did he say this was?

"_I wasn't looking! But somehow you found me. I tried to hide from your love…"_

_He gropes my breasts, laughing cruelly. "You don't disappoint, La-whore," he mutters, then suddenly, he lurches forward, banging my head on the sink. I feel the blood rush to my head as pain starts to take over, clouding my vision. He tosses me roughly on the floor. I start shaking, but he ignores this._

'_No!' I beg silently. I try to get up and crawl away, but he straddles me before I can even move. I then hear the sound that makes my heart do somersaults-the sound of a zip…_

"_No! Stop it!" I scream. He punches me hard in the ear and it starts ringing._

"_Quiet, bitch!" he snarls. I can't stop the tears flowing down, feeling so helpless. My head hurts, my bones are numb and I literally can't move! No! I didn't want to lose my virginity this way…please, Amanda, anyone, please walk in!_

_I feel pain like I've never felt before as he…begins. My senses have now gone numb. All I can hear is the background music…_

"_The way that you hold me. Whenever you hold me…"_

I jump up, stomach lurching. I place my hand in front of my mouth, and quickly run out of there as fast as I can!

"Lara!" I hear someone call after me, but I ignore them. I can't, I can't, I can't!

I empty the contents of my stomach down the toilet, but feel no better after. I have tears streaming down my face, though I'm not entirely sure what they are…tears of sickness or tears of remembrance?

I sit on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest, hugging myself. I start shaking as more tears come down. I rest my head on my knees and begin to cry.

_Alister's POV_

What happened there? Oh, Lara, what happened? We were all just listening to Cara Simon or whatever her name is, when you just ran off, clutching your stomach, and making gagging noises. I called after you, but you just ignored me, understandably, I suppose.

I follow her down the hallway to the bathroom, but she's locked it. "Lara?" I call, knocking gently. "Lara?" There's no answer. I know she's in there. Maybe I should just leave her alone…?

No, I can't. She needs a friend, she's all alone in there. God knows what happened to have made her this upset. I hear retching and call again. She's making no noise. "Lara? It's Alister." There's no reply. What's the right thing to say to someone who's obviously very distressed?

"Lara?" I call. "Listen, I know…I know something's really upset you and we're getting really worried." What are you _doing,_ Alister! You stupid arse!

"Look, I really want to help," I tell her. "So, please, let me in. Lara? I know what happened, remember?"

I hear a movement through the other side of the door, and a key turning. She opens the door, and looks at me full on, her sparkling brown eyes moist with tears.

"You _really_ want to help?" she asks thickly.

"Of course," I assure her gently, taking her in my arms again. She looks so…small, so frightened. Her whole upper body is wrapped in my arms, and she's shaking. I stroke her hair gently, whispering to her.

I know this will sound unbelievably sad, but minus the crying, this is exactly how I'd want it. I-I do love her.

This is the first time I think I've actually admitted it. I love her. But how could she ever feel the same way? She's Lara Croft, the legend, the adventurer, the-she's everything I'm not. She's brave, she's strong, she's…beautiful.

I'm geeky, I'm weak and I'm no beauty. You've seen me around-who would you pick? The goof in 'designer' or-or someone like Zip? Can you honestly see someone like Lara with me?

I'm just Alister-the research assistant…and that's all I'll ever be.

_Anaya's POV_

I don't know why I have come. When she first called and asked to meet me, I said yes with no hesitation. But now I'm beginning to wonder-why would she call me just for a social visit? It must be important if she can fly to Bolivia rather than make me go to America.

The last time I met with her was about the sword. She never explained what it was, just asked me to inform Lara of a 'rumour' of a dais up in the Tiwanaku ruins. I should have asked for more information-it obviously has Lara gripped if she returned home, only to fly back out to Paraíso the following week!

Amanda said she would meet me at the café, right by the foot of the Tiwanaku hill. She still hasn't come, but I am starting to consider leaving anyway. I am not sure if I want to get involved in something like this-

"Anaya, hey," she says behind me.

"Make it quick, Amanda," I reply impatiently. She looks a bit surprised by my reaction, but says nothing.

"All right," she agrees, sitting down. "I'll cut to the chase. Have you heard from Lara since you returned to Paraíso?" I shake my head. "Good. It'll make it a lot easier for me to explain."

"Explain what?" I contradict.

"Just give me a chance, Anaya," she says. I sit back, waiting and ready to listen. "Would you like a drink?"

"No, I would not."

"Anything to eat?"

"Amanda, perhaps _I _should cut to the chase," I begin. "I am not here to make pleasant small talk, I am not here to have a lunch meeting to discuss 'business', I am only here because you sounded desperate when you asked to meet. But if you are only here to dwell on the past or to discuss Lara, I am not interested."

"Where'd the sudden loyalty come from?" she smiles.

"I just think we have both meddled enough," I say, standing up. "If there is anything else you wish to say, save it, because I am leaving!" I collect my bag and am starting to walk away when, Amanda calls back;

"James is dead, Anaya!" I turn.

"What?"

"He died up at the dais," she continues. "I'm not really sure what happened, but-I think Lara killed him!" She brings a hand up to her mouth, and I can see she is struggling.

"Oh, Amanda, when did this happen?" I ask sympathetically, taking a seat next to her, and putting an arm around her.

"Two weeks ago."

"You have been in Bolivia all this time?"

"Yes," she nods, sniffing. "I didn't know what else to do. I mean, first of all, I couldn't bare to leave him, and I couldn't face going back to Washington alone to tell his father, and-I don't have any other friends!"

"You could have come to me," I offer.

"Yeah. After what you just said, I didn't think you'd wanna help!"

"Amanda, you know I would have done," I sigh. "You should have told me straight away that James was dead. I am so sorry, I truly am." I feel her head nodding, but I stop. "Wait, did you say Lara killed him?"

"Yeah," she replies.

"But why only him? You are both her enemies."

"It was an accident! She-she used the sword! I don't think she realised its power!"

"What sword?" I ask.

"It was from those fragments-the piece I had! She collected them all and reforged the sword! And then she killed James with it…James, oh god!"

"Lara always said she would never use the artefacts," I whisper. "Amanda, where is James?"

"He's still up there!" she sobs. "She left me unconscious, I had to get off the mountain! I just left him!"

"Don't blame yourself," I soothe. "This is Lara's doing. What about his daughter?"

"Huh?"

"Lily. Where-how is she?"

"I don't know, she wasn't there," she replies thickly. "I don't know where she is." I nod. Never mind her now. She is probably fine. "How easy is it to reach the dais?"

"Not easy," she admits. "We always had to use a copter." She looks at me. "No, no, Anaya, you can't do that!"

"You just said you can reach it with a helicopter," I say.

"I can't ask you to spend your money on a corpse!" she sobs.

"Not even for the man you love?"

"I can't afford it," she shakes her head, crying. "And I can't ask you to do that for me just cos _I_ can't afford it!"

"Amanda," I whisper. "Not a penny would have to be spent."

"How?" she asks.

"We have helicopters where I work-the company owns them."

"But neither of us can fly!"

I shake my head. "I can, Amanda." She looks up at me again, hope in her eyes. "Part of my training was to put the engines into practice. As most of our engines were from helicopters, that is what we used. I can remember enough to get us up the mountain." She's smiling, and starting to laugh.

"Really?" I nod. "Thank you, Anaya." I take her into a comforting hug. "I really want to get James back."

"Amanda, he is-"

"Down. I just want him off that mountain," she corrects herself, ending our embrace.

"Yes. Is there a good landing spot?"

"By the dais," she recalls.

"Can you remember the way?" She nods.

"I think so, yeah." I smile.

"Then let's go."

_Unknown POV (_not_ the Unknown Entity!)_

Well, isn't that just beautiful? I come to Bolivia, guess what I hear? A nice little plot. Sweetcheeks would love to hear this.

Things haven't been easy since that little injury of mine. I got over it, you know, kept travelling, doing my thing and all that. She was just another weary traveller as far as I was concerned. Of course, then I did the stupid thing and got involved. I guess I was never very good at detaching…

It's an annoying habit of mine-that girl was the second time I'd gotten too involved and the _second_ freakin' time I almost got killed for it!

But what the hell, I survived. I'm free-she's no concern of mine. Shame, though. I heard some interesting stuff. It's a weird coincidence…truly weird. Well, I'd follow them up their little hill, cos I would _hate_ to miss their faces! But I don't think so. Gotta report back to headquarters.

I got the number on my cell somewhere. I'm still not sure why I'm doing this, but I guess I owe her one.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Hey, Sweetcheeks!"

"Hey, how's it going?" she laughs. I shrug.

"Oh, you know, still recovering from my terrible injury," I reply. She laughs again.

"Yeah, once again, really sorry, I swear I didn't-"

"Forget that, I've just overheard a very interesting conversation."

"Oh yeah, between who?"

"Two women, Amanda and someone, it's hard to remember."

"Amanda?" she pauses. "Blond? Tattoos?"

"Yeah. I overheard them say they were going to the top of a mountain, by a dais. Sound familiar?"

"Yeah," she says, sounding unimpressed. "So?"

"That's not all I heard."

"Keep talking," she prompts.

_James's POV_

"Lily?" I call, knocking on her door.

"Yeah?" she replies. She sounds-cheerful. I go in, and see her working at her nightstand, using it as a makeshift desk. "Hey, James," she smiles, then turning back to her work.

"Hey, Lily," I say back, uncertain. She's being _too_ cheerful-and I'm not saying it's not cool or anything, but yesterday she was being really paranoid! "So, everything okay?"

"Yep," she replies, not looking up from her work.

"What are you doing?"

"My assignment. Well, actually, it's my term paper and it's freakin' difficult!" she laughs.

"Yeah, I always hated them," I remember. "I think my highest grade for a term paper was a-ooh-a D." She snorts, and swivels round.

"Seriously? You only ever got a 'D'?" I nod. "My god-how did you last to junior year?"

"Oh, you know, I did a lot of work for the exams, my assignments…my dad paid them a lot of money."

"Yeah, that sounds more like it," she smiles, pointing her pen at me. "Why did you pick a major you hated so much?"

"Well, I-I didn't _hate_ it," I protested weakly. She raises her eyebrows. "It's what my father wanted," I sigh. She nods. "I mean, it was either that or…Law." I shudder, and she snorts again.

"But in the end, you went to West Point," she concludes.

"But in the end I went to-hey did you know that? I never told you that!"

"In the three years we've known each other?"

"I have never talked about West Point to you, to anyone," I protest. She shrugs. "You knew that before we even met didn't you?"

"Kinda, yeah," she admits.

"Where did you get-"

"Uh, James, as much as I love you and these little talks we have, if you don't let me do this paper while I'm in the mind flow, I may lose it." I raise my hands in surrender.

"Sorry for trying to be an attentive father," I mock.

"Hey, come on, you know I appreciate it, I just really gotta get on with this."

"Helps distract you, huh?" She pauses, and stays absolutely still. She's back to facing her nightstand now, but she's not writing or doing anything. Shit, I've upset her again.

"Yeah," she finally agrees, writing again. I take that as my cue to leave, and close the door quietly, so I don't disturb.

"_Why did you ask me here?" she asks, demandingly._

"_I figured we should meet," I reply calmly. "You know, just to talk."_

"_About what?" she says sceptically._

"_What's with the hostility?"_

"_I dunno, what's with the schmoozing my entire family?" I chuckle. _

"_All right, all right, I get it, fair point."_

"_Did you actually want something, or did you just wanna see if I'd come?" she says. Ooh, getting straight to the point. Thank god-I hate time wasters!_

"_Do you like the Knicks?" I ask._

"_Yeah," she replies uncertainly._

"_They got a game on now."_

"_Yeah, the Final," she says._

"_All right, let's go."_

"_Have you actually _been_ to one of these games before?" she checks. I nod. "Then you'll know you can't get in without tickets, right?"_

"_Relax, I got tickets," I sigh, but smirking. She laughs._

"_What made you so sure I'd come?"_

"_I dunno. Delusion, I guess," I quote her. She starts laughing again, and takes the ticket I offer._

"_Thank-you," she smiles._

_After_

"_I cannot believe he blew that shot!" I whine as we file out._

"_Oh, come on, get over it!" she laughs, throwing a nacho at me._

"_That's what determined the winning or losing team!" I continue._

"_It wasn't even the Knicks who lost!"_

"_Yeah, well, I kinda prefer the other teams," I shrug. She laughs._

"_Relax, there's always next season," she soothes. "Besides, it's not like you bet on it!" I look up, and away, shiftily. "Oh my god-how much?"_

"_Umm, a grand," I mutter sheepishly._

"_A thousand-son of a _bitch_, you must be rich!" I look at her. "Oh, that's right!" She laughs again. I can't help but carry on looking at her. I had a feeling she'd come, but I didn't think it'd be this fun. It's been so relaxed, and not at all weird. She's just throwing her nachos away, but-I know it sounds crazy-I can't help but like her, just for her personality. Whoever raised her did a good job. She's not at all like the bastard I am, or the bitch like the female Rutlands._

"_All right, what's next, or is this where your ideas run out?" she smiles, sidling up to me._

"_Coffee?" I suggest._

"_Okay," she shrugs. I can't believe this is the same girl who was so defensive only hours before! The same girl who spent six weeks stalking the offices! "I know this great place in Brooklyn!" I nod._

_We don't really say much to each other on the subway. Now it's getting awkward. Before, when we were in the arena, it didn't matter, cos we were shouting at the players, we didn't notice the weirdness. There's so many things I want to ask her, but…I'm not sure if I'm ready to be her father yet. Don't get me wrong, she's a great kid, but…I'm so confused._

_If I wasn't ready to be her father, why'd I get that damn paternity test taken? If I wasn't ready to be her father, why did I hunt her down the second I returned to Manhattan? If I wasn't ready to be her father, why did I give her the test results? If I-oh, you get the picture._

_These are the questions she'd be asking if I told her I just wasn't ready. Hell, I can't answer them myself in my head! How could I answer them to a teenager who just wants to know her dad?_

"_All right, this is our stop," she announces. I follow her off the train, and let her lead the way out of the subway station. I've never been to Brooklyn before, actually. The furthest I've gotten from Manhattan was Roosevelt Island, and that was just for an 'attendance'. I dunno, I guess I just don't like straying from Manhattan-it's big enough without getting lost in other parts of the city!_

"_Are you okay, you're a little-out of it," she says, bringing me back to earth._

"_I'm great," I say. She smiles in response._

"_Oh, hey, here we are," she stops outside a building. From the outside, it looks like your average coffee shop, but inside, it looks like a living room! It's so homey and cosy -woah, back off there, James! Getting too mushy and enthusiastic there! "Uh, what do you want? Cappuccino? Latte?"_

"_Cappuccino," I reply, sitting down on the sofa. Oh god, what is wrong with me? Am I going to be a total prick and let her down-again? "I'll get that."_

"_It's only a cappuccino and a hot chocolate," she replies, waving off my offer, and digging into her pockets. Son of a bitch._

"_Here," she says, handing me my cappuccino._

"_Thanks," I answer, and take a long sip. "So, uh-?" I begin uncomfortably. She looks at me expectantly. "How long you been living in New York?"_

"_All my life." I nod. Damnit, James, what the hell's the matter with you! "You?"_

"_Uh, just for the past ten years or so," I reply._

"_So you moved, when you were, what, 26?" I nod. "Where from?"_

"_Washington."_

"_What, wanted the Big Apple experience, or just got tired of being in the same state as your old man?" she guesses._

"_The second," I smirk. She laughs._

"_Wow, talk about irony." She puts her cup down, and stares ahead._

"_What are you thinking?"_

"_Just…I just can't believe we're really here," she says vaguely._

"_What, in the Westside Coffee House?"_

"_No," she laughs. "Us. Here, you know, in the same building, talking." I nod, and take another gulp of my cappuccino. I'm gonna do this, aren't I? I'm sorry, Lily, I just can't._

"_Lily," I begin._

"_James?"_

"_I-I can't do this," I say nervously._

"_What?"_

"_This. The whole father-daughter thing, it's too soon." She keeps on looking at me, her expression now gone neutral, so it's impossible to tell her mood. She nods._

"_Okay," she says uncertainly. "So, what do you want me to do with that?" Huh-not the reaction I was expecting._

"_I just-I'm sorry, but-"_

"_James?" she prompts._

"_I think I have to go," I say, rising. "I'm so sorry, Lil-"_

"_Just go!" she snaps. I don't move._

"_Lily-"_

"_You know what, I'll make it easy for you-_I'll _storm out! Let you look like the victim!" She jumps to her feet, and does what she just said she would-she storms out, slamming the door so all eyes are on me-most are sympathetic gazes, but the girl at the counter looks unimpressed._

_Well, what was I expecting-a hug?_

_Lily's POV_

"_Son of a bitch!" I sniff loudly, in my room. I try to hold in the sobs and cries, but it's worthless. I'm so glad Dee and Terry weren't in the main room when I got back-I just can't face them right now. All I told them was that I was going out. They thought it was a date, I didn't say it wasn't, and if they saw me, they'd assume the 'guy' dumped me. Which he did. Bastard._

_Why did he do that to me again? Why did I _let_ him? The first time, okay so that was kinda my fault, but _why_ did I _fall_ for it! God, I'm so stupid. I read a note that says 'meet at Madison Square Garden at 7:00' and I…get shot down again…_

_Damn, why am I even so upset about this? I was okay, I'd gotten over it…now the fucker's back and he just won't leave me alone-not in my head, nor apparently in real life. Why are you doing this to me, Rutland?_

"_Lily?" I hear a squeak. I turn from staring out the window, and see Helen open the door._

"_What do you want?" I say harshly. I'm trying to cover it up._

"_I heard you crying," she whispers. "What's wrong?" I turn back to the window. _

"_Nothing," I lie._

"_Is it that man?"_

"_What man?" I mutter, giving her my attention._

"_The one we saw today-you know, the one who knew Terry."_

"_He's your dad, Helen, you can call him that," I sigh. "I only call him Terry cos I'm just a lone ranger."_

"_What's that?"_

"_Nothing. Look, was there something you actually wanted?" I snap._

"_I wanted to see if you were okay."_

"_I am," I try convincing myself._

"_But you were crying-"_

"_Yeah, well, people can cry when they're happy," I protest, turning back to her._

"_Are you happy?" she asks innocently, staring. I stare back, before finally replying;_

"_No." She comes closer and climbs onto the bed below my windowsill._

"_Is it because of that man?" she asks again. I'm just not here right now, the tough composure's gone, so I nod. "What did he do?"_

"_He shot me down," I admit. I hear her gasp. "He didn't _shoot_ me," I smile, climbing down onto the bed with her. "He just…rejected me." She nods, but I'm not sure she really understands._

"_Does Lily pad want a hug?" she says sweetly. I smile, and nod. She's started calling me Lily pad when she found out there were lily pads in the lake at Central Park. She says I'm just as pretty as them, which is real sweet. "That man's stupid for not wanting you," she says eventually. I guess she did know what I meant._

_Amanda's POV_

I can't believe she fell for it.I mean, I seriously cannot believe she actually bought it! Damnit that was one of the worst performances I've given! But hey, she's all 'aw, poor you'. She'd give me all her savings if she thought it'd help me! God, such loyalty-so stupid!

She actually had to go and plead with her boss to use one of their copters. From what I'm hearing, he's threatening to dock her wages if she doesn't 'stop being so headstrong.' There's lots more, but it's in Spanish, so I can't really pick up a lot of the conversation.

She comes out, looking pleased with herself. She smiles as I look 'expectant'.

"We can use one," she promises. My face breaks out into another fake smile.

"That's great!" I gush. "So, can we go right now?"

"Now? I thought you would want to wait?" She sounds genuinely shocked. My expression changes.

"Well, when did you think?" I ask.

"Well, none of our own helicopters return until next week," she explains. "I thought this would be okay-"

"Next week?" I gasp. Oh that's real, believe me. "But-James is _up_ there, Anaya!"

"He is dead, Amanda-I do not think he will notice," she says, smiling at her 'joke'. Even without the 'distress', that's still not funny. I guess I have to go tearful and helpless again.

"Up there in the wild where animals could go over and eat him!" I protests, sounding shrill. "Anaya, I can't wait that long! It's already been two weeks!" My face screws up as I try to force more tears out.

"Amanda, I'm sorry, but the only helicopters here now are privately owned-we cannot use them."

"Okay, fine!" I shout, still 'crying'. "I'll find my own way. I'll climb the hill if I have to!" I begin storming out when, as I hoped, she called me back.

"Amanda, you can't be serious?"

"Hell, if Croft can, so can I!" I say adamantly. It has the desired effect.

"She is a skilled athlete! What if you were to slip and fall? You would also be dead, and I'd lose another of my friends! I cannot allow you to do this!"

"It's the only way," I 'sob'. "I can't wait till next week!" She takes a deep breath. I shake my head, and make to move again.

"I will talk to my boss again," she says. I stop, and turn to smile, but she's already back in the office. This is too easy.

I hear more arguments coming from through the door, and her boss shouting swear words in Spanish. I'd feel bad for her, but, you know. Woah, what did she call him there? She told him to stop being such a 'snobby, prissy hairy bastard!'. Wow, she is _so_ fired!

Wait, the shouting's stopped-what's going on? I press my ear to the door, hoping to hear something, when it's suddenly opened, and I almost fall to the floor. It's Anaya, and she's looking triumphant.

"You still want that helicopter ride?" she smiles.

"You got it?" I check, sounding hopeful. She nods. I screech and hug her again. "Thank you, Anaya! Lead the way!"

"Slow down, Amanda. Come, I will show you." She leads me through a maze of hallways until we reach the showroom.

"Which is ours?"

"The cheapest," she smirks. "I am paying."

"Oh, no, I can't ask you to do that, you've done enough," I protest.

"No arguments, Amanda-"

"Yeah, you're right," I agree. "You're doing enough by piloting the copter-besides this is all for me. I'm paying." She shrugs. I could have let her pay, but then it would actually _look_ like I was taking advantage, rather than just doing it.

I leave Anaya to pick-you know, whichever is easiest for her to fly. I wanna get up there, but I don't wanna die on the way. As for James, I'm not really sure how I'll cover that. I know he's up there dead, sure, but it's not a corpse I'm going all the way up there for. I guess I'll have to take the stinking, rotting flesh back-eew! Whatever, but I'm not touching it. I'll say it's too emotional or some crap like that. She'll buy it-she has done so far.

"Amanda, we leave in ten minutes!" she calls. Great-let the fun begin.

_Twenty minutes later_

Shit, shit, shit I'm feeling nauseous! I always hated flying, but with an obviously inexperienced pilot, this is the freaking worst!

"I thought you said you could fly!" I mutter.

"I thought you said you could remember the way!" she retorts. Well, it's not like I've forgotten completely-it might just take us a while to find the right hill again! No big deal-no challenge for someone as 'experienced' as Anaya. The trouble is, all these stupid mountains look the same-very rocky with a few trees! How the _heck_ did Croft _navigate? _This is hard enough from up here! Wait, there's-

"Anaya, you see that weird rock over there?" I point. She looks and nods. "Fly past it, I think I know where we are."

"You think?" she says sceptically, but follows my orders. Sure enough, just beyond it is the valley, in the middle a big stone dais. "Is this our landing spot?"

"Yeah," I say quietly for her benefit. If I start acting like it's too emotional now, it'll look more real when I actually see the corpse! With skill-I gotta admit-she lands it in the small gap with ease. As soon as the blades stop rotating so fast, I climb out, and start scouring the area.

"Wow," I hear Anaya breathe, but I ignore her. "This is incredible." Where is it? "I can see why Lara was so interested," she continues. Yeah, cos it's all about Lara freakin Croft!

I walk around the dais, searching the ground for any sign, but nothing. Shit, no!

"Amanda?" Anaya calls.

"Yeah?"

"Have you…found him?" Who? Oh right, James. Huh, good point.

"No," I call back. You know, you'd think a corpse would stand out better. Where's that damn stone! This is what I came all the way up here for! No, no-she took it! That little bitch actually _took_ it! All right, Croft, you're not getting away with this! I swear to god-

"Amanda, I cannot see anything," Anaya calls again. "I can see no body. Perhaps-"

"I saw him die, Anaya!" I shout, acting upset again. "Of course he's here! He _has_ to be! I don't know what I'd do if-what if some animal ate him?" I fall to my knees, crying again.

"I'm sure that is not true. I will look behind the stones-"

"No!" I protest. "I will." Damnit, James, I know I don't care, but where are you?

I look around behind all the stones, and no sign. I duck to check beneath the copter and nothing. Where is he? Where the _hell_ is he! I look around the whole dais, but there's no sign of a body.

"He's-he's gone," I mutter. "Anaya-!" I gasp, for in front of me stood Anaya, with a gun in her hand, aiming it at my forehead...

_Hello, ruler's not working so all the POV's are kinda shoved together, but you should still be able to get a gist...and if you can, it would be just great if you could say what you think. Even if you can't-oh you know the rest! Bye_

Also, here's a quick preview (it's not all one scene, but like I said, the ruler's not working)

_Emma: You don't believe me, do you?_

_Unknown: Not so much, no_

_Emma: Why are you looking for her anyway?_

_Unknown: She's just an old friend_

_Alister: If Lara wants to open up and share it, we should let her_

_Winston: She never has done before_

_Alister: No, but Lily wasn't here before_

_Lily: It's just easier this way!_

_James: What is?_

_Lily: It's a lot better to think she rejected me because I'm-as you said-a bitch, not because she just hates me!_

_Unknown's friend: Why are you so desperate to find her?_

_Unknown: Why does it matter to you?_

_Unknown's friend: Because I'm about to tell you where she lives, and if you're just out to hurt her, I don't want that on my conscience! So what do you want?_

_Unknown: Answers_


	7. Old Friend

_Disclaimer: I'm very happy to announce that Crystal Dyanmics has finally given me ownership of this!_

_Alister: No they haven't_

_Me: Shh_

Steph: Thanks for the review, the compliments, and Alister is very flattered (hands you Alister plushie)

Timeless4Life: What if I didn't update? Would you kill Phoebe off? Or worse...would you kidnap the Cheese Monkey Leader? All right, I'll update soon! Thanks for the (threat) review!

The Third Demi-God: Thank god you understand it, cos I haven't got a clue what I'm on about sometimes. Again, Alister is very flattered, but his heart belongs to Lara...oh god, did she hear me? Word of advice-don't try to beat music out of your head with a different song, does not work! Thanks and I hope you like it!

Team-chaser: Technically this is the second update cos you reviewed on chapter five...anyway, thanks for the review-and the favourites list!

Bluewolf: So many people love the Alister/Lara pairing-I can't believe no-one else has done it! Thanks for the review, tho-and I'll come up with a better comment next time-for you, too, Team-chaser!

_Emma's POV_

"Emma!" the intercom crackles. I sigh, and press the button;

"Yeah?" I respond.

"Have you got the files for me?"

"Which ones, I got a whole bunch here," I sigh impatiently.

"On the election!" he shouts.

"Right, those, uh-somewhere, why?"

"I need them," he states obviously.

"Well, can I fax them or do I have to make a personal delivery?"

"Emma, I am not in the mood for your sarcasm!" he snaps. I mouth the words with him, pulling a face, and stop when I see someone giving me a weird look. I smile. "Emma!"

"What?" I snap back.

"Did you hear any of what I said?" he sighs.

"Uh…sure, fax them right?" I guess. He sighs exasperatedly. Chill out, dude!

"No. I said they're too important to be faxed!"

"Yeah, but there's less chance of interception if I use the homeline," I mutter.

"Emma!"

"All right, I'm sorry, so you want me to deliver them?"

"Yes, please!"

"Right this second?"

"Don't toy with me, girl-just do it!"

"Even though I'm busy?"

"Aw, you doodling little 'I love Alister' hearts?" he sneers. What? Eeew!

"Eew, no, he's my brother!"

"Yeah? I feel sorry for the guy." I frown. I'm getting tired of this…

"Oh, you want your files? You'll _get_ your files, Mr Rutland!" If I could, I'd slam the phone down, but not easy to do with an intercom. I tried banging the table once, and he just all pissy, telling me to 'grow up' and 'the way I'm going, I'll be fired within the hour'! Arsehole! Like hell he'd fire me, no-one else'd take his stupid job!

"Oh, and Emma?" he crackles.

"What?"

"Don't mess up the files again." He signs off. Damnit! He's on to me-wait, how the heck did he know that was me! Gotta find another way to blow him up I guess.

"Oh, I'm sorry, can I help you?" I say to the person.

"I dunno," he answers. "You tell me."

"Well, it's a lot harder to do when I don't know what you want."

"You Emma Fletcher?"

"Yeah," I answer.

"Great," he smiles. "Then you can."

"Um, with what exactly?" I have to ask.

"This," he throws a snapshot at me. Huh, this is starting to feel very familiar, when Lily came in. Except this time I don't recgonise the person in the picture.

"Uh, sorry, I don't know her," I say, passing it back.

"You sure?" I look up at him.

"Why would I lie?" I ask, making sure I do the eye-contact. He shrugs.

"I dunno. To protect an old friend? Just a theory."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"Not so much, no."

"Yeah, well, you know what, I don't care. I have never seen that woman before in my life, and what makes you even _think_ that-why are you looking for her anyway?"

"She's just an old friend. I wanted to, uh, catch up on old times."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I can't help you," I begin looking through the file. But apparently, he's not done.

"Really?" he contradicts.

"Yeah."

"Oh, really?"

"Oh, yeah."

"You know, it's weird, but according to her bio, she's currently got an employment contract with someone by the name of 'Fletcher'?"

"And of all the Fletchers in the world, you choose _me_ as the most viable candidate?"

"Let's just say I have sources. So you've never worked for her?"

"No. I'm glad we're finally on the same level." He sighs, but picks up a helmet I didn't notice before, and starts stalking out of there. God, what is it with weird people bugging _me? _I'm just the freakin' secretary!

"Hey, wait a second!" I call back. "Got a question for you."

"What?"

"Who _is_ that the woman in the picture?"

"Why?"

"Hey, man, you're the one harassing a perfectly hard-working secretary who is _always_ busy-" We hear a loud crackling laugh coming from the intercom. "Oh, knock it off, James!" I turn back to the guy-who's wearing scruffy pants and has a shirt that makes him look like a teenager. A kinda casual look-I like it. "I think I'm entitled to some kind of explanation," I finish.

"Why?" he repeats carelessly.

"Because I don't know her picture, but I might know her name." He stands staring at me-like James did once (junior that is)-like he's checking me out, but more serious. You know, can't take his eyes off me but not because he's flirting or attracted sorta thing.

"Croft," he says eventually. "Lara Croft." Lara Croft, Lara-oh wait, isn't that Alister's boss? Huh, I know her! "You know her?"

"No, no, I don't, sorry," I lie. He mutters something that sounds a lot like 'figures' and walks out again. Arsehole-that was the exact reason why I didn't tell him. I didn't like his look. Besides, if she's in England, what good's me telling him gonna do him, huh? It's not like he's gonna fly out there, and-oh wait, Alister was supposed to get back to me on that.

As if on cue, my phone is now ringing. Wow, I love it when that happens. His name flashes on my cell.

"Hey, Alister, baby!" I greet.

"Emma, we've talked about this," he sighs.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I brush him off. "So hey, what's up, baby brother?" I hear him sigh at 'baby brother', but he doesn't say anything.

"It's about England," he mutters.

"Oh yeah, the Big Apple-no wait, that's New York!" I slap myself on the forehead, but I don't feel a lot smarter. "Uh yeah, what about it?"

"Well, I've spoken to Lara about it, and-"

"Aw, on first name terms with your boss?" I joke.

"No, no, that was inappropriate, um, anyway what about your boss?"

"What about him?"

"Well, aren't you on first name terms with him?"

"What, with Mr Rutland? Oh god no, he's an old-"

"Choose your words carefully, Fletcher," he crackles.

"Okay, could you _please_ stop listening in?" I snap at the intercom, and switch it off when he laughs. "Alister?"

"Anyway, she says you're more than welcome," he finishes.

"Really? Oh thank god, cos I'm losing it here. That's great!"

"Yes, so when would suit you?"

"Oh, whenever. You know, from two weeks to the middle of May."

"How long for?"

"Oh as long as you think you can deal with me," I answer.

"Well, seeing as it's a five week holiday, what about the middle three weeks?"

"Three weeks? Really?"

"Oh, is that too long?"

"Oh, no, no, it's great, it's just, is your boss cool with it?"

"Yes, she should be fine with it."

"Oh, well that's great! Better hook up with the airline. What are the dates again?"

"Um-just let me check my calendar," he mutters. I suppress a snort-oh my brother, so efficient. "Uh, that would be the 10th of April to the 2nd of May," he reads (I'm guessing).

"Okay, great," I smile. "I'll let you know! Bye, honey!"

"Yes, good-bye, Emma," he replies, in that weird tone of his. It's like he sounds kinda frustrated, but is trying to cover it up or something. I mean, is that just the way he is, or is he trying for a reaction there, cos if he is, he's gonna have to help me out there.

"Emma?" the intercom crackles again.

"How did you do _that?_" I gasp. "I turned it off!"

"Well, apparently not. Listen, I really don't have a lot of time today so, you know what to do."

"Absolutely." Wait, what?

"The file," he prompts.

"Right!" How does he do it?

_Unknown POV_

Well, well, well, Croft-as elusive as ever. I can't believe I haven't found you yet! I mean, come on, how big can this world be? I know you were in Bolivia, then you just disappeared…literally. Like last time when you didn't wait…

I know it probably seems like I'm just out for revenge, but I'm really not. Well, not entirely. I guess I just wanna know why…why you left me there to die. Why you never came back, why…I could do this all day, there are so many questions.

Maybe you're back home, after your little thing in Bolivia; maybe you moved onto the next thing like that-kinda like last time if memory serves; maybe someone caught up with you and murdered you, maybe someone finally got the better of Lara Croft!

Be kind of a shame if they did, though. It'd make this so much harder. You owe me answers, and I will get them…just as soon as I answer my cell. Hey, look who it is!

"Sweetcheeks! How's it hanging?"

"Yeah, okay, I guess," she replies glumly. Woah, back up there, she answered normally-clearly something's wrong.

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, come on, Sweetcheeks, I know something's up."

"And just how would you know that?" she says accusingly.

"You seem to have forgotten, my dear Sweetcheeks-"

"Oh yeah, that."

"You gonna tell me, or am I gonna have to find out myself."

"Do neither. I don't wanna be analysed."

"Okay, okay, I get it-so, why'd you call?"

"You still looking for Lara?" I stop. Well that I wasn't expecting.

"Why?" I ask suspiciously.

"Because I'm up a cliff and want these to be my last words-because I know where she is, you doofus!" she snaps.

"Hey, what is _with_ the name calling?" I pretend to be hurt.

"Just having a bad day. I keep getting psycho-analysed and she won't leave my head!"

"Well, nor mine, but, uh, I'm guessing we have very different pictures in our heads," I smirk. I finally get a small laugh out of her. "Wait, did you say you knew where she was?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, where?"

"Come to England-we can swap stories."

"What story have I got to swap?"

" You're gonna tell me _exactly _what you overheard in Bolivia."

_James's POV_

I don't get it. She's gone completely nuts! One day, she's totally distressed and pissed about the Lara thing, then she's silent and distant, then she's cheerful and acting like nothing's happening, now she's gone back to silent and distant. I'll never understand girls.

Like last time, I keep knocking to check she's okay, but she never answers. I know she's in there, because I haven't seen or heard her leave-she's just ignoring me. Also, she hasn't eaten in two days!

"Lily?" I try again. I hear a sigh and footsteps. She opens the door.

"What?"

"You want something to eat?"

"No." She tries to close the door, but I jam my foot in the way. She sighs again, and stops fighting with the door. She walks across the room and flops down on the sofa.

"All right, just what the hell's going on?"

"Huh?"

"You. You've been acting like a little bitch over the last two days-ignoring anyone who comes to the door. Apparently you won't even let the damn maids in! Now, just what the hell is going on, Lily, cos I'm getting sick of it!"

"What, you getting sick of my mood swings or not knowing where you stand?" she replies, staring at the TV.

"Lily!" She turns her head towards me.

"Which is it?"

"Well, a little bit of both, actually," I admit. "Your mood swings, okay are understandable, but why are you taking it out on me? For god's sakes, I'm standing by you! I'm supporting you!" I wait for her reaction. She sniffs, and turns towards me again.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, yeah there is, actually," I say. "Why aren't you talking to me? Why do you look like you don't even wanna be in the same room as me right now? What have I done so terrible you treat me like this-"

"Because it's just easier that way!" she snaps. Finally, we're getting somewhere.

"What is?"

"This whole thing!" she begins. "All this Lara stuff-it's just easier, okay." I wait for her to finish, because I can tell she's just getting warmed up. She looks like she wants to cry. "It's just a lot better for me to think she rejected me because I'm-as you said-a little bitch! Not because she hates me!" she sobs.

"Lily, she doesn't hate you-"

"How do you know, James? How do you really know?" She's shaking. "She-she gave me up at birth," she whispers. "There has to be _something_ there."

"Lily-" Oh good, I'm getting upset now! Damnit, keep it together, man!

"Do you have any idea how much it hurts to be rejected? And not just that, but by your own _mother? _The same mother who rejected you once before, after you'd just been born! She didn't want me…and after all this time, she still doesn't!" I go up to my daughter, and pull her into a cuddle.

She's never really talked about this before. I mean sure, she's mentioned her mother once or twice, but not very much. She's never talked about _this_ before. I thought she was okay with it…but all along, what she was doing was searching for her mother. You remember-she told me it herself.

How did she find out it was her? She said she'd 'had her suspicions after the Ghana incident' but she never explained it. I guess I didn't give her a chance.

"Don't go, James," she whispers shakily. "Please don't leave me…" She's so vulnerable.

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetie," I promise, kissing the top of her head. Oh, Lily, what have we done to you? You were probably so confident before all of this-then I destroyed you, and now…Croft, too.

Croft, Croft-how did it happen? You can only have been nineteen when Lily was born-I didn't even meet you until…

Oh god, oh shit! I get it…all those years ago when I was 'on the prowl' shall we say. I remember Amanda in college-she was your roommate, wasn't she? She was the one who discovered you…

You were La-whore.

_Lara's POV_

"Five…six…seven…eight," I count breathlessly, swinging around the horizontal metal bar. I release my grip on the tenth swing and catch the gap in the wall opposite. I traverse to the left, and take a jump to the pole. This is getting too easy. Maybe I should install those traps in Ghana like I said. It would make it more challenging.

I drop to the floor from the pole, and start to pace around the gym. I don't know why I even bother to come in here anymore-I know it all so well, it just doesn't present any challenges anymore. I've trained in here so often, not even the real thing comes as a surprise-the design is surprisingly accurate. The only difference is there's a slightly higher chance I plummet to my death in places like Bolivia, or even Japan.

I have to admit it-I'm just doing this because it serves as a pretty good distraction. It's funny, since I was ten, I've worked hard-though not as hard as since I was nineteen-just to be distracted. The reasons are only too obvious, except when I was nineteen, it wasn't just a distraction I needed…

Even while I was pregnant, I still worked out when I could .I couldn't risk it happening again-especially not while I was carrying. All the police could conclude was that 'he was a very dangerous man'. Like it wasn't obvious! Until now, I never understood why they couldn't catch him, try him and lock him up in what was hopefully a jail that gave out death penalties! It never occurred to me they'd been bribed. I didn't think police could be, not even by a Senator! Oddly enough, according to the yearbook, one of the juniors left soon after. It never struck me as suspicious. I didn't even care back then!

I never thought this would happen-the past would come back to haunt me. I never thought that baby girl I gave birth to nineteen years ago would try to find me. I never thought I'd get to know the child of a rapist…

I go to the library-the gym obviously hasn't worked, perhaps the books will. Besides, it's where I left the scrolls. I've checked half of the damn library, none of them even refer to the scrolls! I'm hoping Alister might have some clues.

"Alister?" I peek into the library, but there's no-one here. I come in properly, and collect my scrolls from the desk. When I remove the last scroll, I notice something. What's this-the dates 10th April-2nd May? What's all that about?

"Lara?"

I spin round. "Alister. Hello." Why am I so uncomfortable in front of him?

"What are you doing?" he says nervously. I guess the feeling's mutual. I gesture to the scrolls and he nods.

"One thing, though," I begin. He looks up. "What do the dates 10th April to the 2nd May mean?"

"Oh, that's when Emma will hopefully be staying," he explains. Who's Emma?

"Emma?"

"My sister. I invited her here, remember?" Oh, of course.

"And she's staying for three weeks?" I check. He nods.

"I hope that's all right?" Well it's a bit bloody late now, isn't it?

"Yes, it's fine," I smile. Suddenly, his phone rings.

"Excuse me. Hello?" He disappears out of the door again. What _is_ this feeling? I feel flushed, even though it's air-conditioned. I feel adrenaline, even though I'm calm. It must be a fever or something. "Uh, Lara?" He pops his head through the door. "Emma can only get a flight out on the eighth-is that okay?"

"Yes, yes, it's fine," I agree. I decide I can't be bothered to wait for him to finish his phone call, so I drag the two book carts over to the pressure plates. The secret passage in the wall opens. I grab the scrolls and go down it, back to my room.

_Unknown POV_

"Why did you ask me here?" I ask.

"I didn't," she replies. "You asked _me_ to meet with you." I sigh.

"I meant, why did you ask me to England?"

"I didn't," she denies. "You would have come anyway, right?" She's let her curly black hair tumble loose, and is wearing jeans and a dark blue tank top. She looks kinda sexy in it.

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, what the hell, we're both here, so…shoot." I sit down on the grass. I pat a place next to me, but she stays upright. She's looking in the distance, looking kinda miserable. "What's up?"

"Nothing," she says, but she doesn't even smile. "Okay, before I shoot, I just wanna make something clear."

"Absolutely."

"Why are you so desperate to find her?"

"What? Why does it matter to you?"

"Because I'm about to tell you where she lives, and if you're just out to hurt her, I don't want that on my conscience. So what do you want?"

"Answers," I begin. "Is what I want. Explanations is what I want." I move in closer. "_She _is what I want. That good enough for you, Sweetcheeks?" After a long wait, she nods.

"You got it," she agrees. "Okay, basically it's just a big estate out in Shropshire."

"Well, where?"

"I'm just getting there!" she snaps. "Here's a map."

"A _map!_" I shout sarcastically. "My god, a map, how did you get your hands on this, Sweetcheeks?"

"Do you want it or not?"

"Absolutely. Why didn't you just tell me to get a damn map in the first place?"

"Because then we wouldn't have had a trade. I've done my part, now it's time for you to spill," she demands, holding back the map. I surrender.

"Okay, okay-what am I supposed to spill?" She sighs.

"What you overheard in Bolivia," she explains.

"I already told you everything," I protest.

"No you didn't. You said 'there's more', I told you to keep talking and then you made up an excuse to hang up and that you'd tell me another time." She leans in closer. Is she gonna- "This _is _the other time," she finishes.

"All right," I agree. "The other one-you know, the one that isn't blond-"

"Anaya."

"Yeah, Anaya. Anyway, she started telling the blond-"

"Amanda."

"Are you telling it?" I snap. She stays silent, and I continue; "Anaya told Amanda about a time her and Croft were in Peru-place called Paraiso or whatever. Anyway, this Amanda chick looks very interested, and starts rattling on about some pendant of hers, and asks Anaya what Croft found down there. Anaya starts digging on about the tomb of a Tiwanaku queen, and says that's all Croft ever found-or that's all she revealed. Amanda looks pleased, and mutters something like 'at least she didn't find it'. I don't know what 'it' means, but, I'm guessing it's big."

"That's it?"

"That's it." She stands up.

"You know, I'm glad I only got you that shitty little map! That 'information's' barely worth that!" She thrusts the map into my hands, and walks off.

"Hey, come on, Sweetcheeks! You got no idea what it means!" I shout after her. She turns.

"Oh I know what it means!" She's storming up to me. "It means you couldn't be fucked to find your own way of getting to her place and made up a whole bunch of crap so I'd trade!"

"I did _not_ make it up!" I say indignantly.

"Well, whatever, it's still crap!"

"You know what else is crap?"

"What!"

"This map! It doesn't even go as far as this Shropshire place!"

"Guess I picked the wrong one," she sighs. "Either that, or you can't read maps."

"I can _so_ read maps!" I argue. She rolls her eyes, and picks it up. She scans the page I was on and frowns. "Can't find it?"

"No, but it's not cos this map doesn't go as far, it's just not on here," she says. I notice realisation dawn on her face. "Or…she doesn't wanna be found. Her estate's not on here." She passes the map to me.

"So just how the hell am I supposed to find her?"

"Guess you gotta figure your own route," she suggests.

"I don't even-"

"I could do it," she offers.

"What-"

"Of course, I will need your bike."

"Hey, no, I love this thing!"

"It's not even yours! You rented it!"

"And how would you know that?"

"Cos you came from Bolivia!" she snarls. "Or is it a new thing, you know, bikes for carry-ons?" I sigh. So it's rented, whatever. "Look, I can only help you if I can get back there, and I can't do that without your bike." Damnit! Why couldn't she just get a cab? Why couldn't _I _just get a cab? Oh, right-I guess if Croft's off the map, she's off the cab charts. Damn you, Croft!

"What time?" I surrender.

_Alister's POV_

I re-enter the library after I hang up, hoping to talk to Lara, only to find her gone. I notice the book carts on the pressure plate, and guess she must have gotten bored waiting. She's been so unwilling to be around anyone recently, which I suppose is understandable, what with the Lily escapade, arousing horrifying memories.

I shrug it off. What I needed to talk to her about wasn't that important. Wait, where have the scrolls gone? Oh, of course, she had them in her hand. I've been so distracted lately, I think I'm overtired.

I _have_ been suffering from insomnia, but it's been sudden and unpredictable. One night, I'll sleep like a log, the next I'm as awake as a hyper owl. Even then, those are just spells. I'll be moving about into the early hours, and finally clonk out at four in the morning, only to realise the next morning that I've overslept to the afternoon, which means the cycle starts again! It can be very frustrating.

"Good afternoon, Mr Fletcher," I hear someone greet. I look up and see Winston with afternoon tea.

"Oh, hello, Winston."

"Your afternoon tea, sir," he says, placing the tray on my desk. He bows and begins to walk out.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like any of this?" I offer. As usual, I expect him to decline, but today, he nods curtly, and replies;

"Thank you, Mr Fletcher. I should like that." I offer him the second cup. I always have him prepare a second, because usually one isn't enough, and the other mug's coffee. Winston draws up a chair and takes a seat opposite.

"Mr Fletcher," he begins.

"Alister."

"Yes. Alister, I would like to use this as an opportunity to discuss something of, uh…well, importance to me."

"Feel free," I reply, taking a sip of my coffee.

"It concerns Miss Croft." I choke on my coffee, and spit it out on a napkin. "Good heavens, is everything all right?"

"Of course," I splutter. "What about Lara?"

"I hear she has been discussing somewhat, ah, private matters with you," he says. I wait for him to finish, but he just looks at me blankly. Well, as a matter of fact, yes, but which ones do you mean!

"I'm not sure-"

"A disturbing event of her past," he explains. "While she was at University?" Oh…right. I nod. "How do you feel about it?" Eh? What sort of question is that?

"Uh, shocked?" I suggest. He sighs.

"Do you feel any differently about _her?_" he clarifies.

"Oh, no! God no, of course not! How do you mean?" Winston sighs again.

"Mr Fletcher-"

"Alister," I mutter.

"This is probably the most traumatic event any girl must go through, and what most of them wish to do is to forget it…for the time being, at least. As I'm sure you are aware, the lord above wasn't even so kind as to do that-I take it you know of the girl Lily?" What, that's she's Lara's daughter? I nod. "Yes, well, this has naturally disturbed her balance, and what would really help her was if you kept your discretion. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I begin to nod, then frown.

"No."

"I'll try to phrase it in another way, then. I have been serving the Crofts for many years, and since her birth, I have made what is hopefully a mutually strong bond with Lara-making her one of my oldest friends. And as my oldest friend, I naturally wish to protect her in any way possible-even if it means helping her to forget. I hope you will act in the same way?" I think about this. No, he's lost me.

"So you're saying," I sum up. "That…I shouldn't mention it to Lara?" I guess.

"That is correct," he nods.

"Are you sure that's best?"

"It was the most painful experience of her life, Mr Fletcher-why should she be forced to relive it? Her past has already come back to haunt her in the form of that girl."

"Yes, but-"

"Do you follow?"

"Yes, but-"

"Thank you for being so understanding," he smiles. "Oh, and thank you for the tea."

"Winston!"

"Yes?"

"Do you remember that day she ran out on us?"

"Which occasion?"

"The first." He nods. "I found her, and she told me everything." Winston looks surprised. "But that's not all. She came to me later on in the library, and one of the first things she said to me was 'if I don't get it out now, I don't think I'll be able to go on much longer.'"

"I am just doing what I thought is best for Lara," Winston says defensively.

"And I'm not insulting you," I assure him. "I'm just saying, if Lara wants open up and share it, we should let her and listen."

"She never has done before."

"No, but Lily wasn't here before," I point out. Winston nods, and mutters;

"Good day, Mr Fletcher," and stalks out. What did I say?

_Later_

Oh, bugger, I must have dozed off! Ow, my neck hurts. Here's a tip-never fall asleep using a desk a pillow!

I rub my eyes to try and regain full consciousness. I check the mug, but it's empty. Can I be bothered to go to the kitchens? Oh, sod it-I have to leave this library at some point!

I stumble through the kitchen door, only to find Zip already there making a pot.

"You found the kitchen, then?" I mutter.

"Sure did. Tea?"

"Yes, why not?" I grumble.

"What's up, man?"

"Nothing. Just a cramp."

"Well, if you want I can sort that out for you," he offers. I look up. Why am I getting a flashback of last week?

"Zip," I begin. "This is the second time in one week you have made suggestive passes at me. Are you sure there's nothing you want to tell us? We'll understand."

"Oh, you know," he grins cheekily. "Just trying to butter you up so you won't be so mad if I do your sister."

"What!" I rage. He bursts out laughing.

"That was too easy, dude," he smirks. "Tea?" I glare at him and take the mug he offers. How I'm able to restrain myself from throwing it at him, I don't know.

"I'm going to the library if anyone needs me."

"Yeah, cos it's not like you've spent all day there," he mutters.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, come on, man, you gotta get out more, or you're gonna die an old maid."

"Why thank you for that assessment, Zip," I reply. "But I think I'm already slightly past my date."

"Come on, dude, you're 37."

"Exactly."

As I said, I return to the library and sit back in my chair. I lean my head on my hands-I'm a mess! Zip's right, I do never get out! The only girls I've been since coming here with have either been blind dates set up by Zip or…dear god, that's all! Oh my god, what-why have I let this happen? Shit, shit, shit!

Oh, there goes my phone. A number I don't know flashes up on the screen. Christ, Emma, have you changed your number already!

"What?" I answer impatiently.

"Alister Fletcher?" a male voice says.

"Yes."

"In current employment of Miss Lara Croft?"

"Yes, yes, what's going on?" I snap.

"This is the police, sir," he says. "I'm afraid there's been an accident…involving Lara Croft."

_Oh dear...well, if you want to know what happens, you know what to do_


	8. St George's General

_Disclaimer: I've been arguing and arguing but apparently no amount of negotiation will persuade them to let me own this! So I took it out on the characters (muahaha)_

_The Third Demi-God: Hey don't worry bout the review writer's block. I had it when I first joined up and all I could say in reviews was really random stuff like...um...yeah anyway, I got over it. Btw, I read your update...are they mad at me? Because I have a secret weapon! And yeah, u guessed rite about the 'unknown' person thing...either it was so obvious that even I could guess it or...you have a secret webcam wired up to my brain-let me know if you find any flashes of inspiration there. N-ee-way lol and thanx 4 da reveiw!_

_Timeless4Life: Thanks for the warning about the random reviews-although if I didn't know you I'd find it difficult to believe they cud get more random-and don't be 2 evil-remember I own george's girlfriend in my otha story! But anyway, here's da update so nw u can leave phoebe draco and the cheese monkey alone...right?_

_Team-chaser: Hey thanx 4 all those gr8 ideas! I will absolutely use them-hope u like da plushies. ooh I should warn u tho-u sed u needed cheering up this chapter's not 4 u-even I got a little depressed but I dunno if that's cos I'm just weird (everyone: no!) or if it really is that sad...i'm gonna go 4 the weird thing. lol! thanx 4 da review!_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Alister's POV_

We wander the mazes of corridors, looking desperately for the sign. You'd think they'd put A&E somewhere bloody obvious for the paramedics!

"Up ahead!" Zip points out. I read the sign, and we should keep on going straight. We're all doing our best to stay calm, but truth be told, I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life…

_I nearly drop the phone at the words 'there's been an accident…involving Lara Croft'. All sorts of frightening images start going over in my head-Lara, lying unconscious in a pool of blood; Lara, screaming in pain, her blood spattered everywhere; Lara, dead…_

"_Sir? Sir?"_

"_I'm here," I whisper. I struggle to keep it together, I can feel adrenaline running through the pit of my stomach, I'm trembling so much I can barely stand. "What happened?" I croak._

"_We've yet to assess that, sir. All we can tell you is that she's being taken to A&E at St George's General. I'd recommend you get yourselves down there fast-she's-she's pretty bad." With that, he hangs up. Just like that. He's just told me that the woman I love, my best friend, will die, and the bastard hangs up!_

_I grab my jacket and run out of the library, trying to keep it together, but I'm terrified. I can feel a couple of tears of terror leaking their way out of my eyes, but I wipe them away._

_I bump into Zip on the staircase. He grabs my arms and slows me down._

"_Woah, dude, I didn't know I upset you that bad," he smirks. "I'm sorry, okay?" He pulls me into a manly hug. What is he doing!_

"_Zip, quit pissing around!" I snap, my voice sounding thick._

"_Hey, what the-"_

"_Get Winston! We have to get to the hospital!" I order. I start rushing down the stairs again, those awful images of Lara still clear in my mind. 'Focus, Alister,' I tell myself. 'I have to get the car. Just get the car out.'_

"_Alister, what-"_

"_DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID!" I yell at him. He jumps at the outrage, but keeps his composure._

"_What is all this outraged shouting about?" I hear someone grumble. I turn, hoping in my heart of hearts that it's Lara, and that it was all a mistake…_

"_Get your coat, Winston," I say as calmly as possible. "We need to get to the hospital. Zip, why are you still standing there, get a fucking move on!"_

"_Alister, Alister! What the _hell_ is the matter with you?" he shouts._

"_It's Lara!" I burst out, unable to control my tone, even my tears. "She's been in an accident, they've taken her to A&E…they say she could die." In a flash, Zip is down the stairs and out the door, presumably to the garage. Winston looks as though he's in shock, but I really can't worry about him now! Lara could still be lying in the middle of the road, with no medical help, dying…_

We arrive at the A&E desk, but there's no-one there. Zip calls for a nurse but no-one comes.

"What does it take to get some fucking service here?" I shout. A nurse comes up to the desk.

"We _do_ have patients, some in critical condition, to deal with, sir," she says coolly.

"Then get yourself a bloody receptionist!" I rage.

"May I help you, sir?" How does she stay so calm-I could be a drunken maniac. Yeah, like that's the thing to be focusing on, you twat!

"Lara Croft-she was just admitted!" Her expression changes to one of understanding.

"Yes, of course. She's been transferred to intensive care, but I can take you. Right this way, sir. What about you two?" she says to Zip and Winston.

"We're all one party-where is she?" I answer for them. She nods sympathetically, and leads us down more corridors. Why has everyone's expression softened when we say her name-is it a cert she's going to…to…?

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_James's POV_

Wow, she does _not_ look good. She looks so pale and…frightened.

"Uh, Lia?" She looks up at me.

"What?"

"What's up?"

"Nothing," she shrugs. I open my mouth to press her further, but then her cell phone rings. She doesn't seem to hear it-she's just staring into space, looking down.

"Uh, Lily-your cell?" I prompt.

"What?" She snaps out of her daydream. She looks down at the flashing screen of her cell. "Oh," she mutters, picking it up. "Hello?" She stands up and begins to pace-she always does that.

Suddenly, she stops, and turns towards me. Her expression changes from down to shocked to so terrified, I couldn't describe it. She closes her phone and reaches for her coat.

"Lia?" She ignores me as she opens the door and marches down the hall. "Hey, Lily?"

I catch up with her outside (after locking the door) and see her wandering the parking lot in a hurry.

"Where's your car?" she shouts.

"Lily, I don't-"

"The one you rented!" she says frustratedly. "Where is it!"

"Lily, _stop_!" She stops wandering and looks at me fearfully. "Do you wanna explain to me what's going on?" She blinks sadly.

"Lara was in an accident," she says thickly. "She got taken to the emergency room-they don't think she's gonna make it." Oh my god sonofa-okay, okay, stay cool, James. You don't even _like _Croft! You're only here for Lily, remember? This is all for your daughter.

"Which hospital?" I finally say.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

We burst through the doors of the ER, and stop at the desk.

"Can I help you, sir?" a nurse says.

"Lara Croft?" Lily answers for me. The nurse nods sympathetically, and leads us down more halls until we reach a private room with a window looking into it. Three guys are already there.

Lily looks through the glass, and gasps horrified.

"Oh my god," she says shakily, backing away. "Oh my god!" I follow her gaze and take in a tragic sight-the invincible adventurer Lara Croft lying motionless, unconscious on a bed, tubes everywhere, and an oxygen mask. Son of a bitch. I take Lily into my arms again, but she doesn't look away from the sight of Croft-Lara.

The other guys look kinda shell-shocked, too. The old guy keeps muttering something, the black guy looks uncertain about everything, but the other guy looks plain terrified. They don't even seem to have noticed us.

I keep stroking her hair, when suddenly, Lara's whole body lurches and won't stop shaking. Lily breaks free of my grasp as an alarm sounds. One of the monitors is flashing red. Lily runs to the window, screaming.

"Lara! Lara! Help! She needs help!" Already, nurses and doctors are rushing towards us, and have gone into her room to try and sort it out. A crash cart soon follows. Lily's pressed up against the window, crying but no longer screaming.

Just as suddenly as Lara went into what I can only presume was a seizure, Lily goes almost limp. She's still crying.

"Mom," she sobs. "Mom." She's not shouting anymore. She's breathing heavily, and crying silently. It's like she's given up. I feel the eyes of one of the guys on me, and turn to see the 'other' guy looking at me. His eyes drift towards Lily and back. I nod.

He goes up to her, and gently removes her from the glass. She looks so small…

She turns towards him and accepts his embrace. I dunno, this-this makes me feel weird. Seeing them, holding onto each other, looking fearfully through the glass into Lara's room-it makes them look like the husband and daughter. Son of a bitch-maybe they are. Lily's definitely her daughter, and could this guy…be Lara's husband?

The alarm stops suddenly, and her monitor is green again. I hear everyone breathe sighs of relief. One of the doctors comes out, and looks around confusedly.

"Which one of you is related to Miss Croft?" Lily comes out of the 'other' guy's embrace and steps forward. "And you are?" the doctor says.

"Her daughter," she replies simply. The doctor looks reluctant to tell her anything, and looks around one of the other guys here. "Are any of you others related? Sir?" He turns to the 'other' guy.

"I'm just a close friend," he admits. The doctor sighs.

"Doctor?" Lily says. He turns to her. "I'm nineteen, you know. You can tell me." He nods.

"Of course," he agrees, and leads her down the hall. Hey, what the hell's he doing? I try to follow, but the 'other' guy stops me. (A/N the 'other' guy is Alister.)

She comes back about five minutes later, looking pretty shaken. Everyone stands up as she approaches. She's trying to be strong, but it's obviously got to her. No-one says anything.

"Um, they say she's stable…for now," Lily begins, managing to keep it together. She looks through the glass at the unconscious Lara, and turns back to everyone. "They're keeping her in overnight for monitoring. Obviously."

"Will she make it through the night?" the black guy asks. The other two glare at him, but wait for an answer.

"They're not sure," she shakes her head, her voice shaking. "They said something about risks of internal bleeding, a heart attack except they might not be able to revive her…" Her voice trails off, as she looks back into the room. Just the sight of Lara seems to destroy her.

_What am I still doing here? Now _I'm _acting like some obsessive freak! I mean for god's sakes, I've been hanging round Central Park like some crazy person, just in case I bump into her!_

_Okay, so that's not entirely true-I take a break for lunch and stuff. But, basically, yeah, I'm desperate to find her, tell her that things are cool, tell her that I want to get to know her, tell her that-if she's up to it-that I…I want to be her father. I know I was freaked, and acted like a…a…oh I can' think of anything right now, but you know what I mean! I guess even in Washington, I was kinda ready-who do you think paid for those paternity tests? Hell, I always knew that Emma was trying to get me to go round there-truth is, I wanted to anyway. She just provided a very good excuse for me, while at the same time scaring the crap out of me with the prospect of Lily being my daughter._

_Well, whatever, I'm here now, she knows and I'm okay with it. 'That's what you said last time,' a voice whispers. I sigh. Damnit! I thought I was cool with it back then, but I apparently wasn't._

_This time I am, though! I'm sure of it! Yes, I'm ready! Damnit, I'm ready! Okay, I just need to tell _her_ that!_

_Maybe I'm just being a loser waiting in Central Park for her to show up. (A/N really? You don't say!) I should go find her instead of waiting for her to find me in Central Park. I know she lives in Brooklyn, but which neighbourhood? Damnit, I don't even know which part of Brooklyn! Is it the north or the south-I just don't know. Wow, what a great father I am!_

_Screw this! I'm going to Brooklyn. That waitress at the coffee place seemed to know her-she'll probably know._

_I stand up, and walk down the path back toward the Natural History Museum to the subway station. There's one right next to it._

_I'm walking down the path, not concentrating on where I'm going. I must be colliding with everyone in the damn city, but I don't care. And no, smart-arse, not just cos I'm some hotshot rich kid, but because I'm only focusing on one thing right now._

"_Hey, watch it!" someone retorts fiercely. I look at them, and see…guess who? Lily. She sighs in disbelief, and pushes past me._

"_Lily!" I call._

"_Get lost!" I catch up to her, and grab her arm. "What did I just say!"_

"_Lily, listen-"_

"_Wasn't I clear enough? Fuck off!" She wrenches free and storms off. No you don't miss-I'm not giving up on you yet._

"_Lily, stop!" She stops and spins around._

"_What the-what are you still doing here?" she demands angrily._

"_Lily-"_

"_No, no, you keep screwing with my head! I came here to clear it, not to have you mess it up again!"_

"_I just wanna talk-"_

"_About what? Huh, you wanna make sure there's no hard feelings, scared I'm gonna set a boyfriend on you or something? Well, you know what, as tempting as that is, get _over_ yourself! You're not worth that much, Rutland!"_

"_Is that why you turned up on Tuesday?" I argue._

"_I was sick the day before, it was just the fever talking." I look at her sceptically. She ignores this, and walks off again._

"_Lily, just hear me out."_

"_What!" She comes marching back to me until she's inches away. "What do you want, Rutland? Do you want me to fight you off? Do you want me to burst into tears so you can act like a hero?"_

"_I want you to listen," I state simply._

"_Well maybe I don't want to."_

"_And I can't force you-I just want you to give me a chance."_

"_I did Tuesday, look what happened."_

"_Look, I was a jerk, okay, I admit that, I shouldn't have done that," I agree. She's not looking so angry, and she's not moving away. I'm guessing she'll hear me out. "Lily, I don't know why I did it, okay, because I thought I was ready. Why do you think I got those paternity tests?"_

"_I was wondering that," she admits. "So what happened, you just freaked out?"_

_I nod. "Kinda, yeah." She looks unimpressed._

"_Okay, Rutland, tell me something."_

"_I'm listening."_

"_If you thought you were ready then, but you freaked out, how do I know you're not gonna do that now? Are you saying that this time you're so _unbelievably _vain and sure of yourself I should put all my faith in you not to freak out again? Is that what you're saying?" Wow, way to put it in perspective-she's good. But, you know what, I'm not freaked. After all this, I'm still not freaked!_

"_Yes," I nod, taking her hand. She shakes her head. "Lily, I promise-"_

"_You're never gonna be ready, James," she whispers, moving her hand away._

"_Lily-" She doesn't answer me. She turns her back to me and starts walking away. I don't follow her. Why aren't I following her? Why am I standing here like a defeated? No, no, this isn't over!_

_I run through the crowds (starting to look like that hero now, huh?) until I reach the road at the other end of Central Park. I can't see her anywhere. Shit, where _is_ she?_

"_Lily?" I call. Oh, there she is-up ahead. She's crossing the street. At the sound of her name, she looks back at me sadly. She looks like she wants to turn around, but at the last minute she forces herself to turn back. I sigh in despair._

_That's it, I've-what the hell! I hear a loud screech of tyres, followed by a terrified, heart-stopping scream. I turn back towards the road, and am one among the many pedestrians crowding around something in the middle of the road. There's gasping and more screams around me, but I've gone numb. In the middle of the road, with her head cut open and unconscious…is my daughter._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Alister's POV_

She's stable, they say she's stable. That's good-that has to be a good thing. Of course it is, Alister! You twat!

How could she be 'stable' though? She was in a crash, she had a seizure, there's risk of internal bleeding, she's being kept under constant observation…they're even having to breathe for her and they say she's comatose.

What if…what if…I can't even bring myself to think it! The thought is so terrible. Just thinking about makes me….

She looks so vulnerable in that hospital bed, a tube going down her throat, a tube attached to her wrist to monitor heartbeat. Lara…what happened?

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_Zip's POV_

We didn't even hear her leave the house! I just assumed she was working out or something…she didn't even tell Winston she'd gone out. Alister's really freaked-well, we all are, but Alister's gone overboard! I don't think I've seen him so angry…or so scared. I don't think _I've _ever felt so scared, and I've seen Lara get herself in some pretty sticky situations-one boulder in Ghana springs to mind.

This whole thing is just so…surreal. I've seen Lara near death so many times…I never thought I'd be in the position where I might have to say good-bye…

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_Lily's POV_

How did this happen? This is…this is Lara. My mother. She shouldn't be the one lying in intensive care. She shouldn't be the one in the coma, the one with the seizure, the one who can't even breathe for herself.

Why couldn't it have been _me? _I'm not important, I'm not special…but no, as always, the so-called 'God' decides' to take the better one-who's more worthy of life-rather than some stupid teenager who hasn't even _started!_

This is all my fault. Maybe she wouldn't have left the house if she hadn't been stressed, or needed to clear her head. For all I know, she could have been coming for me, only to get knocked down halfway there! She doesn't deserve this! She doesn't deserve it…

What if she never comes out of that coma? What if she needs help breathing for the rest of her life? What if she doesn't stop having seizures and has to spend half the time in the hospital? What if she has a heart attack? What if the internal bleeding starts…and doesn't stop? What if she dies? She's 38-she's only 38.

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_Winston's POV_

Life has been so unfair to Lara. Her mother gets taken from her when she was just nine, and then had to get herself to safety across the Himalayas! She was only fifteen when she had to abandon someone for her own safety.

Aged 20, God struck again by taking her father. He wouldn't even let her rest before that-he gave her an unwanted pregnancy as a result of rape! And now this, 19 years later.

The only thing that's been good to Lara was that she was never short on money, and that in itself has been a curse. If she hadn't been so wealthy, she would most likely never have been victimised by that vile American who destroyed her. If they hadn't been so wealthy, most likely her mother and Lara would never have taken that fateful trip to China.

You might think me a stupid old man, but I do consider Lara to be my best friend. It is as I said to Alister-best friends look out for each other, and it-it kills me that this time I truly am helpless.

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_Alister's POV_

I've been here all night-we all have, even Lily and…Rutland. I'm surprised Rutland found it in himself to stay here overnight-I wouldn't have thought this would be good enough for him-hospital accommodation. It was no picnic, but we're all here for Lara.

She made it through the night. The doctors weren't too hopeful, but she pulled through! There are obviously still risks and about 101 ways she could…but she survived the first night, which is always seen the most crucial.

I make my way down to the canteen, stopping by Lara's room on the way. I'm surprised to find someone already here-it's only 6 in the morning. On closer inspection, I see it's Lily. Now I think about it, I don't recall seeing her at all last night. Had she-

"Were you here all night?" I ask. She jumps at the sound of my voice.

"Pretty much," she replies groggily. God, no wonder she looks exhausted. "Those benches are _not_ comfortable!"

"I can only imagine," I agree. "Why on earth didn't you ask for a room?"

"The doctors weren't too hopeful, were they? If she was going to die, I didn't want her to be alone. We might not have had enough time…" her voice trails off into a yawn.

"Perhaps you should get some sleep?" I suggest. She shakes her head. "I don't want to sound morbid, but unless you get some rest, you'll be hospitalised right by her side." She says nothing. Perhaps she simply didn't hear me. "Anyway, I'm going to the canteen. Do you want anything?"

"Hot chocolate?" she smiles weakly. I nod, and continue down the corridor. I feel such a failure. Why did I go to those bloody rooms last night? I should have been down here with Lara and…Lily. What a devoted friend I am! "Hey!" Lily calls. "Don't feel bad for not staying down here. If anything, I judge myself for being so negative." How did she _do _that? It literally is like she read my mind!

I come back from the canteen feeling a lot more awake. I give Lily her hot chocolate and we sit in silence.

"So, uh," she begins. "Where do you come in?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Like the old guy's her butler, the black guy's her technician-who are you?"

"Oh, research assistant," I say, almost proudly. Note I say almost.

"How long have you known her?"

"A few years-not long," I say off-handedly. Why am I feeling so uncomfortable? She's just a teenager-though the daughter of the woman I…like as a friend. Who am I trying to kid? I bet even Lily can tell!

"So you're like one of her best friends?"

"I suppose," I shrug. She nods.

"Gotta be tough sometimes," she mumbles.

"How do you mean?"

"Keeping track of her."

"We do fine, thank you."

"Hey, come on, relax-I wasn't criticising," she reasons.

"Yes. Sorry, just-"

"Emotions a little high?"

"You could put it like that," I sigh. We sit in another awkward silence as we sip our hot drinks in unison, gazing at Lara through the window.

"So, hey, it's Alister, right?"

"Yes, why?" She shrugs.

"Nothing, just…thanks for being so understanding yesterday." I nod. That was such a frightening moment, I swear I let out a tiny shriek myself. It was the moment I realised that she could really die.

But…she'll get through this. She has to. She's made it through the first night-that's always the hardest, but she made it.

I'm being surprisingly optimistic for someone like me. Just looking her at her in her condition-unconscious, ventilator, pulse monitor-it tears me up. I keep thinking 'this isn't right! This isn't Lara-it should be someone else there!' I know how selfish that is, but doesn't that go through every close friend or relative at some point? Emma reckons it's something to do with not wanting to believe that they're not invincible-they could get hurt and they could die. It's strange in the fact that you know and believe it's happening, but ironically, it's the moment of truth or something, and…oh I don't know, I'm not a bloody psychologist!

Oh my god, Emma! She's supposed to be coming here in a couple of weeks! Well I guess that visit's off. There's no way Lara would want the stress of a guest-that's _if_ she's even discharged by then.

I sigh loudly. I try to stand up, but feel a weight on my shoulder. What the-oh, Lily's asleep. Damn! I want to get up, but I don't want to disturb her…oh, if she's out, she won't notice if I lay her on the bench. I hope. Knowing my luck, she'd wake up and I'd end up on a rape charge…no, no, not funny, Alister! God, what _is_ it with me! Why am I such a useless freak! I can't do anything properly. I can't even help Lara!

"Dude, what are you doing?" I hear an American voice say. Oh, good, now I have to deal with her-

"Oh, hello, Zip. What are you doing up so early?"

"Uh, it's like ten."

"Oh-is it _really?_" I gasp. Christ-where did that time go? Had I also fallen asleep?

"So, has anything changed?"

"With what-oh, Lara! Uh, I don't think so," I babble.

"How you doing?"

"I'm fine, Zip-how are you?" He shrugs.

"Did you even know she'd left the house?" I shake my head. He's got a point-none of us even _noticed_ she'd left! What great friends we all are! "I just don't know how the hell something like this could even happen," he mutters. I nod. I know the feeling.

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_Lily's POV_

She's been like this for three days now. They tried to take her off the ventilator, but she didn't start breathing for herself, so they had to switch it back on. They say she's definitely comatose (like they couldn't figure that before!) and that they don't know when-or if-she'll wake up.

This wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to meet her then be told I'd have to say good-bye…

"Lara?" I whisper. I'm in her room-after three days they decided it wouldn't do any harm. Now that most risks levels are lower, she's allowed visitors. Right now, I'm the only one in here. James went back to the hotel, and Lara's other friends are getting dinner. They asked me to join, but I'm just not hungry. It's nothing new, I've always had a small appetite. Alister said he'd bring me back something, which is kinda sweet. It's weird, he's the only one who seems to acknowledge I'm there. The old guy just glances at me sadly and looks away, and the black guy-I dunno. I haven't really spent a lot of time with him.

"Lara? Lara?" Why do I keep whispering to her? What's it gonna do? What, is she gonna wake up and decide she wants her daughter by her side? "I know you probably can't hear this. Well, maybe you can, but whatever. This is…this is really difficult, but I have to say it, even though you won't remember." Deep breaths, Lil-gotta get it right.

"I really wish I knew what happened to make you give me up. But, I realise I'll probably never know. Every time I ask James, he just shrugs. I think he's hiding something. But, that doesn't matter, the point is-I do still love you. And…I do forgive you. I just really wanted you to know that."

"Lily?" I jump.

"Hey, Alister," I greet, smiling.

"I have some chips," he offers.

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry for a snack," I decline.

"Oh, no, they're uh, French fries."

"Oh, right. Great, thanks." I take the plate and go outside. I sit down at the bench outside and realise I am starving! I start eating the fries, when I notice Alister followed me out. I smile in thanks, but he doesn't do anything.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"Um…I…nothing." I nod. I get it-he heard what I said.

Suddenly, we hear a loud alarm go off inside her room. Shit, is she having another seizure! I drop the plate of fries, and look in desperately as doctors and nurses go running in. I'm getting that feeling again. Already, I can feel tears welling up. This is it, isn't it? This is how my mother's going to die…

"No," I sob quietly. The doctors look really concerned-that's never a good sign. Wait, what are they-they're putting an oxygen mask on her! What the hell is going on!

My knees feel weak, and I'm panicking again. I want to scream, I want to cry-but I don't. I'm just-scared. No, terrified. I'm getting that feeling when it's hard to breathe…oh god, what the hell's happening?

"Lara! Lara!" I shout panickedly as they wheel her out. Where are they taking her? "What's going on?" I ask a doctor.

"She's bleeding internally," he replies nonchalantly. "We need to get her to theatre or she _will_ die." Wait, that's it? My god…what is with the-coolness? You're making it sound like…like…like you're a very bored professor teaching a class. There's no feeling to it, you're just getting the information. And what is _with_ the-bleeding internally? Well, what does that mean?

I look to Alister for clues, but he looks as pale as she does. He doesn't need to say anything…I know what bleeding internally means, of course I do. Lara…mom…

I feel weird, so tired all of a sudden. I take a seat on the bench. I'm in a daze…I can't stop thinking about-about last Sunday. About that crash…

She couldn't have even known what was coming. I've seen her on a motorcycle and she is freakin' good! It was so wet and misty-it must have been near impossible for her to have seen anyone…

"Uh, hey," someone says. I look up and see the black guy. "What's going on, where's Lara?"

"Surgery," I mumble. I'm still in a daze. I see his eyes widen.

"Well, what happened?"

"Internal bleeding," I say in a monotonous tone-hey just like that doctor. I say that to the guy and he starts looking all confused. I laugh. "You think I'm a weirdo, don't you?"

"Uh-"

"It's all right," I giggle. "You can admit it. Hey, I do!" I start laughing like some crazy person. "You know, it's something I've always known, just never thought about! But enough about me-what is up with you?"

"I'm good," he says uncertainly. I frown.

"Yeah, you're no good at conversation." I stand up and go over to Alister. He looks like shit. "Hey, Alister, you look shit-what happened?"

"What happened?" he repeats. I nod, making 'duh' sounds and smiling, but he's looking mad-what did I do? "Your mother was hospitalised here two days ago only to suffer a seizure! She is now in a coma, and to top it all, she just got taken down to theatre to try and stop a potentially fatal internal bleed! Does any of that mean anything?"

I take in every word, but honestly, it means nothing. "Well, if you're gonna exaggerate," I mutter.

"Exaggerate?" he spits. Eew, saliva in my eye! "What is _wrong_ with you, you facetious little bitch!"

"Woah, hey, Alister!" the black guy interrupts.

"I know you're American and all Americans have a tendency to be very stupid!" he snarls. "But you must have the IQ of a fucking plastic spoon!"

"Alister!" the black guy gasps. I ignore his comments and take in what Alister just said. Oh my god…

"Oh my god," I breathe. Why does this always happen? This happened when my best friend was convicted-I got all stupid and acted like I was drunk, when I hadn't touched alcohol in my life! I just completely forget what just happened. The psychiatrist said it was 'temporary selective amnesia'. The name kinda speaks for itself (actually it doesn't, cos I got no idea what it means!)

"Has it sunk in?" Alister snarls again. I would say 'it's all coming back to me' but it was always there. For those wonderful moments, I just…forgot. Ruled them out. Oh my god, what if-what if-?

"Miss Croft?" Everyone looks at me. I stand up and go towards the doctor. Now is not the time to mess things up! He takes me by the shoulder and leads me down the hall and into his office. Oh god, that means the news must be awful…

"I'm afraid Lara suffered a heart attack in the surgery," he begins. I nod, trying to stop this feeling again. "To bring her out of asystole, we were forced to shock her, and this, unsurprisingly, opened up another internal wound, which is proving very hard to stop. The team are doing all they can, but at the moment, the situation is looking very serious." I gasp and choke at the same time. "I'm so sorry." This time I can't help starting to cry. The doctor is very sympathetic but I take no notice. All I can think about is Lara-alone on that operating table. Maybe her soul's already trying to break free, maybe it's already gone, leaving behind the body. Maybe my mother's already dead.

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_Alister's POV_

"What are you shouting at _me_ for?" I yell at Zip.

"Cos you were _way_ out of line!"

"_Me! _She was-she was taking the _piss_, Zip! This is _Lara_…she's in theatre, Zip. She's dying, she could already be dead! And all that girl could do was-"

"She was in shock," he reasons. I shake my head. I don't care if it was shock. She was still taking the piss. Zip doesn't even look that bothered. I guess he just doesn't care as much as I do.

"Why do you look so unrattled?"

"Huh?"

"I haven't seen you lose it-or even come close-once! Our best friend is in intensive care and you don't even look that bothered by it."

"Don't go there," he warns. "And I would _not_ say that again, dude."

"Why?" I ask. "Am I getting a bit too close to home? Has it finally reached you?" He says nothing. Oh, how typical. He's always got some smart remark, but when it comes to something like this, he can't hack it.

I repeat this to Zip and he shifts uncomfortably. If anything, this just spurs me on.

"You know," I begin. "It was you who wasted most time getting down here. It was you who kept suggesting we leave her. It was-"

"Alister, shut up," he warns again. Oh yes, I'm scared now!

"Or what? You'll beat me to a pulp and put me right by her side? I wouldn't recommend it, Zip. You'd just be adding more to your visits, and even this one seems too much like hard work for you-" He spins around and presses his arm against my throat, shoving me to the wall.

"You know what, Alister? Right now I would _love_ to hurt you bad!" I struggle against his arm, but he just sneers. "But I'd feel too guilty after, because, let's face it-who'd come in to visit you? I sure as hell wouldn't, Winston wouldn't. And even if Lara could, she doesn't care about you." He removes his arm, but it doesn't make a difference-I'm already limp.

Oh my god, I am such a twat! Because it's true, isn't it? Lara wouldn't care enough. Who am I but her lame research assistant? She didn't even hire me-I was 'recommended'. Fuck.

I walk slowly down the corridor, my mind a haze. What am I still doing here?

Without knowing why, I follow the signs to 'Surgery'. My god, I-I have been so stupid! How could I let myself fall for her? I've been an absolutely useless 'friend', to use the term lightly. And then to go and fall in love with her. Nice one, Alister.

I'm not even sure what it was at first. I was always a bit intimidated by her, because she was so amazing, but what aroused these feelings for her, I don't know. I used to watch her work out a lot. I'm not sure she even noticed, not even back then. But there was one time, when she definitely did notice;

_There she goes again. Is there no end to her energy? That's about the tenth swing on the pole! I don't know why I come down here so often. She's the sort of person you can't take your eyes off, and her acrobatics are superb._

_Her head swivels in my direction. I smile and give her a small wave. I expect her to ignore me-like she usually does-but she smiles back. Obviously she can't wave as she's-oh wait, she's only swinging on one hand. Now she's just showing off!_

_Suddenly-although it feels like it's all in slow motion-she loses her grip on the bar. I hear a terrified shriek as her perfect, athletic form heads straight for the floor, so fast, I barely catch it._

"_Lara!" I shout just as I hear a heart-wrenching snap! as her body hits the polished wood. I run to her side, not knowing what to expect, and see her clutching her head. She's groaning in agony. "Lara?"_

"_Hi, Alister. Quite a fall, wasn't it?" she manages to smile, though in pain._

"_Lara, I'm not sure you should move," I advise._

"_Oh come on, Alister, you're not a doctor yet," she smirks._

"_Well, no, but I did get the Gold Award in St John's Ambulance." She looks up at me confusedly. "A joke," I mutter. She nods, but gasps in pain when she does._

"_Ooh, hey, hey, keep still. Just lie back and relax, okay?" She does so and looks up at me expectantly. What do I do now? "Seeing as you can move your neck, I'd say-at worst-you've just cramped it up a bit. Maybe concussion." Do you know what the hell I'm talking about? Good, cos I haven't got a clue._

_Lara seems to buy it all, though. "Yes, it's just concussion," she agrees._

"_But we should probably get you to the hospital, just in case," I say._

"_How are you going to get me there if I'm supposed to lie back and relax?" she smirks._

"_Well, not literally," I argue._

"_Doctor's orders, Alister."_

"_Ah, but I'm not a doctor." She gives a small laugh._

"_Either way, Alister, there's no need, I'm fine, it's just concussion," she argues sitting up. I see her wince._

"_Lara, just-"_

"_Just _don't_, Alister!" she snaps. "I am _fine_!" She wanders out of there, holding her neck. She's in pain, but she's still walking about as if everything's normal. I really do admire her for that. That and for her…beautiful toned arse._

I never watched her again after that. I just couldn't. It was because of me she'd gotten distracted and lost her grip. She wouldn't have fallen if I hadn't been there. That was the excuse I told myself anyway. The truth is, if I'd spent too much time with her-even if it was just watching her work out-I knew I'd go mad eventually. Even back then, I'd had a crush on her. More than a crush.

When I reach surgery I see someone already hanging out by the doors leading into a theatre. When I move closer, I see it's Lily. She doesn't seem to notice me as she doesn't make any move or sound, even though she must have heard me approach.

"What happened?" I say after a long and eventual silence.

"She's still bleeding," she mumbles.

"Still!" I gasp. "I'd have thought they should hurry to close it!"

"I guess it's harder to seal more than one."

"What do you mean?" I ask, feeling panicked.

"She had a heart attack. The shocks opened up more bleeds-you do the math." Her voice breaks up as she says it. "I don't want-I don't want-"

"Lily?" someone behind us says. We both turn around and see-

"Dad!" she sobs, running up to him. He embraces her and lets her cry in his chest.

"Shh," he soothes. "Come on, honey, what's happened?" He looks to me for answers, but it takes a lot of self control to not go over and punch him! I may have been more kindred yesterday, but I can't help thinking and remembering what that shit did to Lara!

I turn away and look through the windows on the doors-I can't see much, but what I do glimpse is…horrifying. I can see a pair of toned legs, blood running down them; doctors and nurses running around frantically. If I lean to the left a little…shit! Oh my-fuck, I should not have done that! I caught a wound. Her stomach is cut open, and she has blood spilling out of her liver.

Oh, this is such a nightmare! Lara…hang in there, please…I-I need you…

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

They've brought her back to her bed in intensive care. They were able to close the wound, but they say she was _this_ close to dying. Our Lara doesn't give up easily. When they say she'll stop at nothing to get what she wants-I guess that's even true of death.

She's now breathing for herself which is a good sign. The nurse I'm speaking to said it was a 'strong first step'. I don't want to be too optimistic, but maybe this means she'll wake up soon?

"Well, things have been looking great, but don't expect too much too soon," she smiles in a strong Cockney accent.

"But, she's breathing independently," I argue, standing on the other side of the bed, bringing myself to her bent over level. "They closed her wounds." She's now shining a light in Lara's eyes.

"The second wasn't a breakthrough on her part, though, was it, sir?" she points out sympathetically. "She hasn't got concussion-her reflex is still there."

"That's good, right?"

"Yeah, course it is. Truth be told, it's what we'd expect from most comatose patients, but…it's one less thing to worry about." She doesn't even say this grimly, she's smiling. She's obviously been taking her bedside manner too seriously. "Not that you shouldn't be optimistic," she says hurriedly. "She's showing good signs. Her legs might be an issue, though, I should warn you."

"What do you mean?"

"She broke both of them-didn't the doctors tell you?" I shake my head. "Well, her spine wasn't affected-amazingly-so she should still be able to walk."

"I think she'd have a lot more than just walking on her mind," I mutter. She laughs.

"Yeah, bit of an athlete, is she?"

"A bit? Christ, you're obviously new around here."

"Yeah, I was transferred from south London a few weeks ago," she nods.

"Oh," I say awkwardly. Great, I can feel a blush coming. Why does this happen to me? This is what teenage girls do!

"But, um, she's very famous in all parts, isn't she? I'm sure I've read an article or two about her," she says, recovering my mistake.

"Try an archive," I mutter. She laughs again. We stand there in another awkward silence, when she pipes up;

"You know, I think you're great for doing this." I look at her questioningly. "Staying by her side all the time. All the men I know would run off to the nearest pub quicker than a virgin comes! You're a great boyfriend to her." What…

"Wait, no, I'm not her boyfriend!"

"Oh? Oh shit, you're her brother or something, aren't you? Um, yeah, I'm just gonna go and drain some pus or something!" she says in an embarrassed tone, hurrying off.

"No, no, wait! I'm not her brother, I'm just a close friend!" I shout after her. She stops and is smiling when she turns round.

"Thank god," she laughs. "I hate draining pus." I laugh with her.

"Well, you seem like a very good friend anyhow. It's who she needs at a time like this." I nod.

"So, uh, if her condition changes, who should I ask for?"

"I hear Nurse Marina Lyddel is very efficient," she smirks. "And who should I refer her to?"

"Alister Fletcher."

"Right," she laughs. "Um, my shift ends in about an hour if you want to get a coffee or something?"

"Yeah, that'd be great," I say. Dear god, I really am acting like a girl! It should be me asking her! "Although, shouldn't it be me asking you?"

"Well, you can renew your manhood by buying," she smirks.

Huh. Wow, got myself a date there.

"Hey, Alister," Zip says, making me jump.

"Afternoon, Zip," I say as coldly as I can.

"You've gone all-were you flirting with the nurse?" he smirks. Hmm, act all coy and give him what he wants, or be bold and admit it-tricky.

"Yes," I nod defiantly at his disbelieving expression. "And we're going for a coffee just as soon as her shift ends."

"Really? Hope you got spare change."

"Yes-what?"

"Heard the whole thing, dude. Kinda disappointed she had to ask _you_, but-least you're getting yourself back out there." He pats me on the back as he says it.

"Well, that'll be one visitor," I mutter.

"Yeah, about that-"

"Hmm?"

"Um, I'm-well, I didn't-oh don't make me say it!" I give him a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry, Alister." I nod.

"All right, Zip, no need to grovel."

"Sure, yeah," he says mock disbelievingly. I ignore him-there's something I need to do.

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"Come in," she calls. I poke my head around the door and see her sitting on one of the beds. "Hey, Alister. Any change?" She sounds very nonchalant.

"Yes," I say. From her expression, I can tell she's expecting the worst.

"Spill," she prompts, sounding like she's trying hard to be strong.

"They stopped the bleed. They've taken her back to her room and she's…breathing for herself." She looks shocked, and I can see a big smile of surprise creep up on her face.

"For real?" she gasps happily. I nod, smiling.

"Oh my god!" she exclaims. "So she's getting better?" I nod again. She can't stop laughing in relief. "Oh, oh thank you for telling me that," she smiles.

"Yes. So, do you want to go and see her-she's allowed people in there," I offer. "I'm about to go myself."

"Uh, yeah, absolutely!" she nods, still smiling. Well, she looks a lot better than when I last saw her. I guess knowing your mother's getting better makes the world seem a lot less horrible a place. I know I felt the same when Lara was improving. When I was speaking to…Marina.

Oh god, I'm supposed to meet her in under half an hour! She never said where, so I'm just going to head for the canteen.

We walk to Lara's room in silence, though I can tell just by glimpsing at her she's a lot happier. She can hardly contain her smile-which is a bit unfitting as we're now in the morgue.

Suddenly she stops and stares at an empty panel where they store the dead bodies. She squints. What the hell is she-dear god! Is this some sort of sick fucking joke! She turns to me for answers.

"Is this your idea of some sick joke?" she says accusingly, voice raised.

"Do you honestly think I'm capable of that?"

"I don't know what you're capable of cos I don't know you!"

"Well know this! Lara is my best friend, has been for six years and if there was anyone who cared more about her in this entire building…"

"_I _care about her!"

"To the same extent?"

"She's my mother!" she hisses fiercely. "She may not have wanted me, but there is no-one in this goddamn world-with the possible exception of James-that I care more about or love more! You got that!" Well, Lily, perhaps we have more in common than I thought. Aside from the bit about Rutland, obviously.

Why are you all looking at me like that?

"So who the hell would have done something like that?" I say. "I'm not accusing you."

"Maybe they really thought there was no hope for her," she mumbles sadly. "Maybe it's still true." Her voice breaks again, but she regains herself on time. "Are we going to go see her or what?" I nod, and let her pass, but I hang back. I can't take my eyes off it. I know it's morbid of me but it's so…confusing. Why is it there! "Are you coming?"

"Yes," I reply, taking my eyes off it, and catch up with her down the corridor.

By the time we reach Lara's room, I've managed to stop obsessing about it-it is haunting, though. "Still sleeping," Lily mutters.

"Yes, but she _is_ breathing," I point out. Lily nods.

"Can we actually go in?" I nod. She pushes the door open gently and goes to her bedside. I follow. I plant a small kiss on top of Lara's head and cradle it gently, and Lily takes her hand. If anyone were to walk in now, they'd see a family, wouldn't they? I'd be the adoring husband, Lily would be the doting daughter…although, honestly, that image sickens me. Lily's not mine-Rutland would always be on the sidelines, because Lily wouldn't give up her father easily. I can see why.

I hate Rutland. He is a sick, twisted, manipulative bastard who really should have been put away for life after what he did to Lara…but he has been a brilliant father to Lily.

Suddenly, she jumps up, looking terrified yet overjoyed at the same time. "Lily, what-?"

"Her hand. It just moved!" she exclaimed. What-! I look down at her right hand and see her fingers twitch. Oh my god-she's waking up! The same thought seems to strike Lily because she exhales a laugh. We look at each other, and we can't stop the smiles. I think this nightmare is finally over!

Then, we hear the sound that brings horror to our hearts-a deafening 'beep! Beep! Beep!' and the sight of her heart monitor flashing red. Doctors and nurses come running in. "We need you to step outside," a nurse orders. Lily's shaking, but I'm able to lead her out and close the door behind. This doesn't stop the alarm from getting through. I glance at the monitor at the same time as Lily-whose face has tear streaks again-and what we see…a flat line.

Some people say that before they die-or if they're close to death, they can see their whole lives flashing before them. I'm having that now;

_I walk into the room feeling nervous and out of place, then Miss Croft-my new employer-looks up at me and flashes me a huge smile. I smile back dumbly…_

_The screen keeps bopping up and down as she manoeuvres skillfully with the rope. "The screen's going to make me sick if you keep on swinging, Lara," I say. _

"_Look away from the screen, then," she giggles..._

_She starts crying again. I allow her to fall into my arms and let her get it all out. I start stroking her hair and plant a little kiss on top of her head…_

_She's targeting the bullseye with such precision, that it's a shock for me when she steps back right into me! My hand gets knocked and I've gone and spilt coffee all over her! She starts laughing, and I can't help but laugh with her…_

"_All right, lads?" she says casually coming up to us. Zip nods. "Alister?"_

_"I'm_ _fine...I'm fine. Just…not my usual evening routine," I say, still in shock. She flashes me one of her radiant smiles with a small laugh…_

"_What happened there? And who's Amanda?" I ask indignantly. No-one ever tells me anything. But when I say 'Amanda', I glance at Lara, and not for the first time, I see real fear in her beautiful eyes…_

_We sit on the couch, laughing our heads off, each of us with a bottle of chardonnay in our hands. We both sit back, until Lara starts bursting into laughter again. She manages to recover herself, but doesn't wipe that ravishing smile off her face as she turns to look at me. I look back, lost in her chocolate eyes. We find ourselves inching closer, closer…_

I snap back to reality. I glance at the monitor again-still flat. I can't bear to look anymore.

_Closer…_

I turn around and start to walk away.

_Closer…_

I keep walking not looking back.

_Closer…_

Not looking back.

_Closer…_

I keep walking, not looking back until I-I just can't. I collapse against a wall, unable to contain it. I let out a sob as I think about Lara, all our good times together, our…very nearly first kiss. I can't even do _that_ right!

I think that's when I realised I was in love with her. I was in love…with her. If we hadn't been interrupted by bloody Winston-god knows what would have happened.

I hear a loud strangled sob that is Lily but I can't think clearly now. This isn't happening, this can't be happening! No, no, no! I lean against the wall, feeling desperate. I start openly crying. I don't care what people think! Anyway, this is intensive care! Except it won't be much longer, will it? It'll be the…

…morgue! They must have known she wouldn't make it. I was all 'this is ridiculous! She's Lara-how can she not make it?' But they knew…they knew.

For on that empty panel was already an inscription-

**LARA CROFT**

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_So was that okay or am I being just too cruel? Or is it totally crap and you condemn me etc. all reviewers will get a plushie and...um...chocolate!_


	9. Numb

_Disclaimer: I, Crystal Dynamics Man, herebey declare that Crystal Dynamics has given 13BlacKAnGELs the sole proud owenrship of Tomb Raider! (whispers) Was that it? _

_I nod_

_Crystal Dynamics Man: All right it's yours-will you let us go now?_

_Me: Why would I do that?_

_CDM: You promised freedom from slavery if we let you say you owned it_

_Me: Where's Lara's gun when you need it?_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Team-chaser: After finally being worn down (glares) by the plushie beatings I had the genius idea of splitting chapter 10 into two parts so I could update with chapter 9! But be warned-the Revelation monsters are coming! Still, you got your plsuhies to protect you and don't diss the wooly stuff! It's cool!_

_The Third Demi-God: Okay, well all that I said in the review reply-I think God got the message. The webcam thing was a flase alarm but if I've given you any ideas...now would be an excellent time for a smart remark but my brain's tired-first day of school and I had to get up again. You really needed to know that_

_Right, well thanx 2 both of u 4 those rather nice reviews (and Team-chaser for the ideas and 'encouragement')_ Read it and weep!

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_Author's POV_

It's a grey, rainy day outside, with storm clouds gathering. There had already been the deafening rumble of thunder, the blinding flash of lightning, but on the fourth floor of St George's General, it feels fitting.

The morgue attendant looks gravely at one of the panels, which contains a fresh corpse. This is always the aspect of his job that he hates most-taking the newly dead to the autopsy lab. But someone has to do it.

He removes the body from the panel and places it gently on the bed to wheel her down. Note that he doesn't really care for this particular patient-he just doesn't want to sabotage any evidence which could prove useful in the autopsy. Many can't see the point of it. It was quite clear what she'd perished of.

Meanwhile, about three long corridors to right of this grim place, is a group of mourners. It had been an intense, terrifying week for them, but all their prayers have gone to waste. It's too late-she's past the point of no return.

The mourners are an odd group-an old man looking deeply sorry, an African-American dumbstruck, a man with orange sunglasses looking devastated, a man with normal sunglasses looking out of place, and the last-a teenager who can't take her eyes off the spot, for she fears of losing grip.

It's on this corridor, on this grey and rainy day, storm clouds gathering where Lara Croft had been lying for the last week in a coma, in Room 14 of intensive care. It's here where her friends had been gathering, waiting for her to wake up. It is here that she died.

This evening, as the clouds move on and the stars start coming out, her friends are gone, given up. A nurse goes into Room 14 to tidy up despite her shift ending. It feels strange, forbidden. It's always so quiet up here. Too quiet. Even with the monitors, if you've been in the profession as long as Marina Lyddel, you get used to the sound. You don't even notice it.

This evening, as Marina departs, there is a rustle, but she doesn't hear it. Maybe it blends in too well with the monitors from the next room. Maybe she imagines it. But this evening, as the clouds move on and the stars start coming out…Lara Croft begins to stir.

_Lara's POV_

I feel groggy. I woke up two _days_ ago, and I'm still feeling shit! Why can't I just be sent home away from these bloody tubes and monitors beeping every sodding hour of the day and night!

The doctors say I need to be 'kept under observation'. Well, what for? I'm awake, aren't I? What more do you want? They don't even have the courtesy to tell me just _what_ the hell is going on! I haven't got the first bloody clue why I'm here! This is just where I woke up, with Alister and Lily looking down at me.

I don't really know why she's here-I said I wanted nothing to do with her, and it still stands. I guess it wasn't hint enough!

Someone knocks at my door. "Come in." Alister pops his head around the door. He's been my most frequent visitor.

"Hello, Lara," he smiles awkwardly. I nod in recognition. He sits down on one of the chairs. "Are you all right?"

"Just peachy," I say. I hear a small laugh. What was funny about that? "What am I doing here, Alister?" I ask. This must be the fifth time, but he never answers.

"Lara, you don't want to know."

"Well I obviously do or this wouldn't be the fifth time of asking!" I snap. "For god's sake, Alister, I've been awake for two days, and no-one has thought to tell me just _why_ the hell I was in a coma! You can understand my lack of patience!"

"Lara-"

"Look, don't get all sympathetic and patronising, Alister, just tell me! Tell me or I swear to god, I'll shoot you!"

"But, Lara, you don't have any guns."

"So I'll hit you over the head with something, then, just tell me!" He seems to take pity on me, because he sighs in that way of his-like he's reluctant to say anything, but you've ground him down.

"Can you remember anything from six days ago?" I shake my head. He sighs again. Get on with it, Alister! "You were in an accident."

"What, like what happened the last time I had an accident? When I was working out? Fuck me, it must have been bad-all I got last time was concussion," I ramble.

"No, Lara, it's worse than that," he says sympathetically.

"Stop trying to soften the blow, Alister. I'm a big girl, you can tell me." He does that long sigh of his. I mimic it to show my impatience.

"You were in a motorcycle accident you were brought to the hospital unconscious and not breathing for yourself-"

"I would've-I didn't go out on my motorbike that day," I protest, but Alister just nods.

"None of us even heard you," he admits. I look up.

"So, no-one missed me until someone phoned up to tell you where I was?" I contradict.

"I didn't mean it like that, Lara-"

"Just piss off," I mutter.

"Lara-"

"Didn't you hear me!" I snap. "Just go, Alister!" He gives me a sad look and meekly exits. Oh, what's his problem? I can't even feel my legs and all he does is-

Oh shit…

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_Alister's POV_

Don't take it personally, don't take it personally-she's stressed, upset, in hospital-of course she's pissed! This is why I didn't want to tell her. I knew she'd react badly. She's never been in hospital before-not even when she had that fall in the gym. She just told us to 'not bother, it's not important'. Fortunately, it _was_ only concussion, but what if it had been a fracture? A broken neck? She came down quite hard.

"_No! Shit!_" I hear her screech. I run back into her room and find the covers off her and one of her legs in an impossible position over the side of bed.

"Lara, what are you-"

"I can't feel them," she whispers. "I can't feel them. Alister!"

"I'll go and get a doctor," I offer, turning to leave.

"No!" she calls me back. "Just help me stand."

"Lara, you can't-"

"Don't tell me what I can't do!" she snaps. "Now help me-please." She holds out her arm, looking at me pleadingly with those soft brown eyes of hers. I don't know what's coming over me-lust, I suppose, and wanting to help my friend.

I take her arm and gently lift her up until she's managed to swing both legs on the floor. "Help me up," she asks, starting to lean on me for support. I put one arm around her shoulders and prop her up onto her feet.

"Can you stand?"

"Let go of me and we'll see," she says in a snappy tone. I'm not going to take offence-she's obviously just really worried in case she can't. I let go of her, and she wobbles almost right away. "I wasn't straight."

"I know, I know," I whisper. I push her to her left a bit so she's standing straight and let go of her again. She doesn't move, and looks like she'll make it, when she falls back. I put my hand out to stop her, but she hits it away furiously, and allows herself to fall back on the bed.

"What is going on?" I hear her say in a demanding tone.

"I don't know, Lara," I admit.

"Why was she out of bed just now?" I face towards the door and see a nurse standing there. I realise it must have been her who'd asked the question.

"She wanted to stand," I reply weakly.

"You should know better than to let her," she sighs impatiently.

"Why? What's wrong with my legs?" Lara interrupts.

"It's nothing, sweetheart, they're just a bit weak right now-they won't be able to take your weight just yet."

"Fine, but I can't even feel them," Lara argues. The nurse looks surprised.

"Really?" Lara nods. "Well, that shouldn't, your spine wasn't even-I'll get a doctor to examine you."

"Can't you do it?"

"No, I'm not qualified."

"You're a nurse!"

"In training." Lara looks stunned, almost disgusted. It had never occurred to me that this nurse is still training. Now I look, though, she's quite young-still in her twenties. "Dr Pieter is very sympathetic and-"

"I'm not a child, okay? I don't need 'sympathy' and 'affection', I'm not _that_ old!"

"Well, he's qualified, so just make your peace with that," the nurse says.

"Oh, great, another man to feel me up," Lara mutters off-handedly. Instantly, the nurse's eyes flicker to mine in accusation. She gives me a questioning look, but I raise my hands in defence. She looks uncertain, but says no more and leaves.

"Thanks for that, Lara," I say.

"Well I didn't necessarily mean you, did I?" she protests.

"Not what _she_ thought!" Lara shakes her head, mumbling 'why are you so bothered?' I'm bothered, Lara, because of what you told me about that American bastard out there! Maybe I'm taking this too seriously, but what he did to her was sick and twisted, and I don't like getting blamed for it, even if it _is_ just some junior nurse!

"Miss Croft?" We both look towards the door and see a bearded man standing in the doorway with the nurse behind him. "Nurse Piper tells me you have been feeling some discomfort?" he says in a heavy European accent. I'm guessing Dutch.

"Actually, it's lack of discomfort that's concerning me," Lara replies. He smiles.

"Yes, of course. Well, I will examine you if you do not mind?" Lara nods, and lies down on the bed. Is this necessary, or- "Are you comfortable, Miss Croft?" She nods again, but he doesn't see this. "Miss Croft?"

"Yes," she answers. He produces a large needle from his pocket and proceeds to scratch it gently across her left leg. I'm so glad I'm not in her position-needles really creep me out, I hate them!

"Can you feel that, Miss Croft?"

"No," she says quietly.

"I'm sorry?"

"No, I couldn't feel it." He moves to her right leg and repeats the process.

"Anything?"

"No." I can see her starting to look desperate. He moves down to her right foot. "No," she repeats. He does the same to her left, but she can't feel that either. Oh, this is horrible.

"Miss Croft, I am going to test your reflexes," he announces, and brings out a reflex hammer. He knocks it down on her left knee and her leg kicks out. The process is repeated on her other leg. "There is nothing wrong with your reflexes," he summarises. "Nurse Piper?"

"Sir?" He asks her to do something in Dutch. She disappears soon after. Lara, though, looked confused.

"Why do you need a blunt needle?" she asks. A blunt needle?

"It is simply to test sensitivity," he assures her.

"Sensitivity where?" she says.

"On the inside of your thigh." I notice her eyes widen with fear.

"Why? It's not necessary," she says shakily.

"It is simply to determine the area of numbness, Miss Croft. I assure you it will not hurt," he smiles.

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_Lara's POV_

"It is simply to determine the area of numbness, Miss Croft. I assure you it will not hurt," he smiles. I don't care if it doesn't bloody hurt, that's not the point!

"It's unnecessary," I repeat as calmly as possible. "I'm sure it's fine."

"So am I, Miss Croft, I just want to be certain.

"No," I mumble, feeling desperate. This happened 19 years ago, and it's not happening again, it's _not! _I can't let them do this to me again! I don't know which was worse-the rape itself or them 'examining' me after!

The nurse comes back, looking rushed.

"I'm sorry, sir," she says in a perfect Dutch accent. "This was all I could find."

"No, no, it will do nicely, Rose. Thank you." She smiles back at him and turns her attention. I guess she notices my reluctance, because she's saying;

"No-one likes this part, miss, but it'll be over in a second." That's what they told me last time…

"Perhaps the gentleman should leave?" the doctor suggests, indicating to Alister.

"Yeah, it might not be a bad idea," she agrees, looking pointedly at Alister.

"Whatever would make Miss Croft comfortable," the doctor continues.

"Well right now, what would make Miss Croft comfortable was if the gentleman stayed," I reply, holding out my hand to Alister. He takes it and squeezes it, and smiles down at me. I don't know what I'd do without him sometimes. He moves his hand away, and I let mine sink onto the sheets.

The doctor places his hands under my knees and pushes them upwards gently.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I am positioning you correctly, Miss Croft."

"Well I could have done that!" I argue desperately. Oh, get a grip, Lara!

"I thought the problem here was that you could not?" he says, sounding genuinely confused. I sigh, and lie back. "Just try to relax, Miss Croft." I am!

He presses the needle just under my knee. Well, I think he does-it's where the needle headed anyway. "Can you feel that?"

"I'll tell you what, I'll shout out if I can feel it," I mutter. I hear a giggle coming from the nurse. She repeats what I said in Dutch, and he gives a chuckle.

"Very well, Miss Croft." I see him move his hand up slightly higher, and I tense. Stop it, Lara! Get a grip, girl! He presses the needle against the flesh. Christ, I can feel it.

"I can feel it," I say.

"That is good," he says. He moves the needle up higher, and I tense again. "Did you feel that?" I nod. No higher, no higher, you've gone high enough…

I feel another small prick. Can't you take a hint, you stupid-what is he doing!

I kick my left foot up and hit him square in the nose. He falls backwards with a loud groan.

"Dr Pieter!" the nurse exclaims.

"Lara, what happened?" Alister asks, taking my hand again. He got too close, Alister, that's what!

"Get him out of here. Now," I say, feeling close to tears. Oh god, why did this stupid nurse have to bring _him? _This bloody pervert should have his license revoked!

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"_Just lie still, Miss Croft. This should all be over in a second," Doctor Connelly 'assures'. I nod nervously. He's said about four times 'this should all be over in a second'! Or was it five? Oh god, I don't know, I can't think straight._

_Why won't that pain go away? It still really hurts-it feels torn, ripped. I start crying again-this must be the sixth time! Just thinking about it... The nurse in the room comes up to me and takes my hand._

"_It's all right, honey," she whispers. "Just try to relax. I realise that's gonna be really difficult, but it'll make this much quicker, I promise." I turn my head away from her. She just doesn't understand. None of them do. They've all been so lovely and sympathetic, and 'understanding'. But they weren't there, so how could they _possibly_ understand?_

_They weren't there when I climbed innocently out of the shower, only to see a stranger looking back at me in my reflection! They weren't there as he removed the only item covering my dignity! He banged my head on the sink, but while that certainly impaired my vision, it didn't do anything to numb the pain. And I still saw the blood…_

"_Well, well, this guy was extremely dumb!" the doctor announces triumphantly._

"_Why?" I ask._

"_He left behind a sample for us. This is always what nails 'em. Uh, Georgia, could you go get us that sample needle." She nods. Needle? Why do I need a needle? For god's sake, haven't I been through enough!_

_Georgia returns with a whole trolley! Just exactly how many are there? I repeat this to the doctor._

"_Relax, it's just the one, then we'll be done-promise!" So you said half an hour ago!_

_I start shaking again. "I'm gonna need you to lie still," he says. You try getting raped then prodded and then 'lying still'! "Miss, this will just take longer, and it will hurt more." I doubt that. "Georgia, hold her legs." The nurse comes round to my left, and picks up my legs and spreads them further. What the fuck is all this-_

"_Aaagh!" I screech as I feel a sharp pain. He holds the needle there for a minute. Stop it!_

"_Thank you, Georgia," the doctor says. She nods and puts my legs back down. "You can cover yourself up now, Miss Croft. It's over." With what exactly?_

_When I walk out of the room-still only in that towelling robe they gave me-Amanda is waiting. "Oh, honey!" she soothes. "I heard you scream, what happened?" I take deep breaths to try and regain my composure, but if anything, it just upsets me more. For the first time in my life, I break down and collapse against the wall in tears. Amanda places herself beside me, and tries to comfort me, but it doesn't work. _

_I don't want to be here. I just want to go home. Let me go home, back to England…please…_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Lily's POV_

You know, for five minutes there, I really thought I'd lost her. The flat line, the panel meant for her in the mortuary. I mean, I don't think I was being totally negative, right? For a second there, it really was like I'd never see her again, never get to know her.

Did she _ever_ want me? It says on my birth certificate that I didn't go into custody of Dee and Terry until _three_ months after I was born! Three months! What does that even mean? Did they change their minds, was the process longer than they thought, or…did Lara just have a change of heart? But if that was true, then why do this to me now?

I know it's crazy I found James first, but I figured I'd have more chance with a father who may never have known I existed than with a mother who gave me up. I didn't really have much to go on-Lara's name wasn't on the certificate, and the adoption agency denied me access to her file. Apparently she'd said she never wanted contact.

You know, through sport, I've had some pretty painful accidents, but nothing hurt as much as hearing that. Was I crazy to try and find her anyway? I mean, was I being totally deluded? When I heard about her accident, something just woke up. Before, she'd been Lara Croft, just the birth mother. Now she's…my mom. I know she doesn't want that name, or me, but it's how I see her now.

Since she woke up, I haven't been into her room. Alister's been in, like, a billion times, but I just can't. Not yet. Why? Honestly, because I don't know how she'd react. Would she freak out, would she invite me in awkwardly…would she get so shocked she'd have another heart attack?

Maybe James was right. This'll never work properly, will it? I mean, it's like, even though she's my mom, I'm afraid to go in and visit her. Not like I'm intimidated, but-oh I don't know. I'm so confused.

"Uh, Lily?" I look up and see Alister staring down at me.

"Hey," I greet unenthusiastically.

"Um, is everything all right, only you've been sitting out here for the last hour." He laughs nervously.

"Have I?" I say, out of it. "Oh, right."

"Do you want to go and see Lara?" How the heck did he know? "Only, you're aware you're outside her room, aren't you?"

"I am?"

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah," I nod. "Just a little out of it, I guess." He nods, looking understanding.

"Where's-" he struggles. I look into his face and see serious anger issues. "Rutland?" he says eventually.

"Cafeteria I think. I dunno-a meteor could have hit the hospital I wouldn't have noticed."

"Well, there have been no meteors, but, uh, Lara definitely hit the one of the doctors," he smiles.

"You're kidding me?"

"No, it's for real!" he says, laughing.

"You've never said that before in your life before, have you?" I smirk.

"Not once," he agrees.

"Oh, hello," someone says behind him. He turns around.

"Marina! Hi!" Marina? My god, he's on first name terms with a nurse?

"How you doing?"

"Great. Listen, about last Thursday-"

"Oh no, it's fine! I was talking to Rose and she told me about your friend having a connery." Even from here, I can see Alister frowning in confusion. "Heart attack," she smiles.

"Um, yeah, so about that coffee?"

"My shift's just finished, if it still stands?"

"Yeah, of course!" he says enthusiastically.

"Great. And, uh, this time, maybe it'll be me you'll be tending to in an emergency," she smiles seductively. He nods uncertainly, and she starts laughing. She starts walking away down the hallway, and he catches up and puts an arm round her. So cute.

Screw this-I don't care if Lara freaks and tells me to get the hell out. I still wanna see her. If Alister can take the plunge with a nurse when he _clearly _has feelings for Lara...so can I. I can take the plunge.

I knock quietly but there's no answer. Maybe she's sleeping?

I push open the door, and look in. I was right. Hell, I don't care. At least she can't freak. I sit down on one of the stools, and just…watch her. If you walked in right now, and saw us together, you would not believe we were related. It takes a while to see the resemblance. Cos I take after James more, I'm olive-skinned and naturally tanned, like him, but Lara's white. Apparently our eyes are exactly the same, though.

She moves. I sit up, kinda hoping she'll wake up. Oh my god, what if she does? What next? Wait, she's mumbling something. "Ari-adne." What…?

She turns her head to face me, shifting her whole body. "No, Ariadne," she whispers. Huh?

She opens her eyes and sits upright. "Don't freak," I beg.

"What are you doing here?" she demands, breathing heavily.

"I-came to see you," I shrug. "I can go if you want me to." She doesn't say anything and she doesn't look away from me.

"Why are you still here?"

"Like I said, I can-"

"In England," she clarifies. "Why are you still in England?" Uh, I dunno-because you're my mother and you're in hospital!

"Why are you asking me this?" I answer.

"Because I want to know what's possessing you to bother with me when you know quite clearly what I want!"

"And what would that be?"

"Well, you out of my life, for a start!" she snaps. I don't flinch. I didn't get all As in my drama assignments for nothing! I manage to stay cool, but inside-no, not so cool.

"Wouldn't you give anything to see _your_ mother, Lara?" She looks taken aback (I've been spending _waay_ too much time with Alister!) "Think about that," I say coldly, getting up and walking out of there, not looking back.

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_Alister's POV_

It's been ten days since the crash, but Lara's improving immensely. They say that if she carries on at this rate, they may even be able to discharge her next week! Obviously she couldn't return to her normal lifestyle, but…at least she'd be home. Croft Manor…

Oh my god, Emma! Bugger, she's supposed to be flying over next week! No way is that still possible. Lara's far too ill-don't tell her I said that. I'd be next. Lara doesn't want the strain of a guest-that's if she's even discharged by the time Emma's supposed to arrive. I know she's coming on the 8th, that's a week Saturday. It's now Wednesday. No, there isn't enough time, it's only ten days away!

I get up from my bed and go over to my private line phone. Lara insisted we all went back to the manor. I believe her exact words were 'if no-one goes back to that manor, then someone's going to fucking rob it! And as I'm somewhat out of action, do you think possibly you lesser mortals could bugger off and fend for it!" It's the morphine.

I dial Emma's number, and she picks it up on the fifth time of trying!

"Hello?"

"Emma, it's me." Silence. "Your brother," I clarify.

"Hey, Alister! How's it going?" she exclaims.

"Uh, just been a little bit frazzled, but, uh, okay," I say.

"Oh well, you know, at least it's going good for you!"

"Why, what's-"

"This packing is just a total nightmare! I mean there's the ticket, the passport, all the goddamn other crap I'll be needing! And I haven't even _started_ on my suitcase!"

"Emma, you know you're flying out _next_ week, right?"

I hear a small gasp and an awkward silence. "Damnit!" she exclaims. I snort with laughter. "Come on, be nice, I'm…frazzled!"

"I can imagine."

"Yeah, well, I'll get over it. Oooh, hey, what's the weather like over there?" I look out the window at the overcast sky, with a heavy rain setting on the ground.

"Just don't pack too many tank tops."

"Really? It's just I figured, maybe it's a little warmer over there?"

"Actually, it's probably the opposite. Our highest temperature was, ooh, about 17."

"Damnit, now I gotta repack!"

"Um, Emma, about that."

"Uh oh, why don't I like that tone?"

"I'm not sure it's going to be possible now."

"Really? Why-why is it a problem?"

"It's just been…complicated."

"Yeah, well, your last visit wasn't so great for me, but I still let you come!"

"That's because your crisis occurred while I was in-flight," I remind her. "By then it would have been pretty difficult to turn back."

"Okay. So I get it, it's complicated, why can't you just tell me?"

"It's-private."

"Okay, look, it's either two things here, Alister-either it's something to do with your boss or something really serious. I'd understand -better-if you just told me!"

"It's both."

"Wow, that's not good." I nod even though she can't see. "Alister?"

"Emma, you know I'd love you to come, it's just-not a good time," I say as calmly as I can, although inside, I'm feeling very different.

"Well, I really wish I could help you out, but-my flight's booked and it's kinda non-refundable cos it's so late notice."

"I'll reimburse you for the flight."

"No, Alister, that's not what I want, I just wanna know why. I won't freak, I won't get mad-unless you're saying this to keep me away, but you're not a jerk, so I don't even think that."

"I just-there was an accident." I hear her gasp.

"Oh my god, honey, are you okay?" she asks concernedly.

"Not me."

"Yeah, I know, I just-how you doing?"

"Not good," I say thickly.

"Oh no, no, honey, you can't cry on me, I'm no good at this over the phone!"

"Sorry," I sniff.

"I won't come," she agrees. "If I'd have known things were this bad, I-I wouldn't have even-just, if you wanna talk, I can listen." I smile.

"No, Emma, it's fine, really. I'm really sorry-"

"Hey, don't you start apologising, Alister, okay? This is not your fault! Really, it's fine, I only lost like five hundred bucks. My annual salary is near ten times that!"

"Five thousand dollars?"

"Right, make it a hundred times," she laughs. "I was never any good at math."

"Emma?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks for being so…nice."

"Oh no, honey, it's fine, seriously, you be there for her! Come on, you're her friend, she needs you! I understand, she doesn't want the strain of a houseguest!"

"Clearly you've never been one of her guests." She laughs at this. "I'll call you."

"Yeah. Let me know when she starts getting better," Emma says. "I'll talk you to later, honey."

"Bye, Emma." I hang up. Wow, that was surprisingly…easy. I forget how…gentle she can be. Don't ever tell her I said that-god knows, she'd probably get here quicker than the plane!

It's so strange that we grew up apart, but we…seem to know each other so well. She knew something was up and even if I hadn't been acting so obvious, she would have guessed. See, that's the thing about Emma-she may not seem particularly smart, but she's scarily accurate at psychology-especially mine! It's a shame she can't come, really-I would have _relished_ the interaction between my employer and my sister. Who knows, they could've got on great-or they could have clashed more than King Arthur's sword!

That sword! I still can't quite believe that it's all real! Lara's already had to take several parties down to the tomb for excavation-she did offer for me to join them, but I had, um, other plans. Odd she never warned them about that supposed giant serpent she battled after being held hostage and we lost contact with her. Perhaps it 'slipped her mind'.

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_Lara's POV_

"You know I'm not really authorised to give you this?" the nurse sighs. I nod. "I could lose my job over this!"

"For giving a patient their file?" I ask sceptically.

"It's classified and confidential!"

"Between the doctor and the patient," I point out. "I'm the patient, so it's my right."

"But-"

"Look, Nurse Lyddel, if it had really been that big a deal you wouldn't have brought it to me!" I snap.

"Well-"

"Do you mind leaving now?" I say rudely.

"Fine. But if I don't get it back before the doctor comes back, I'm not getting done for this!"

"Oh, so I left the bed when I can't feel my legs and just _happened_ to know which doctor's office, which filing cabinet?"

"Look, just get it back to me on time, we won't have a problem!" She storms out, but I ignore her. I could have gotten this file myself had my legs not been numb! I don't need some stupid Cockney nurse to get what I need!

I turn my attention to the file. If you haven't already guessed, they're my medical records for this 'stay'. Since no-one's told me anything-all I could get out of Alister was that I'd 'been in an accident' on my bike-then I'll have to figure it out myself. I'm no doctor, but I think I can read a chart!

I turn the pages and see graph after graph after graph. How about some notes? All I can see is that my blood pressure is high and…hold on-I had a heart attack? _Two? _Well I wasn't expecting _that_.

"Lara, what's that?" I hear someone say. I look up and see Alister.

"My charts," I reply nonchalantly.

"Your charts? Lara, you're not supposed to read them, they-"

"Better go and tell the teacher on me."

"How did you get them anyway?"

"Your little friend Marina has proved herself a useful ally." I hear a small 'oh' but take no notice as I'm struck. Well I wanted legible notes… "Alister?"

"Yes?"

"What exactly happened?"

"Listen, Lara, she's really sweet and everything, but I don't think it'll lead anywhere special, you don't have to worry." What? I give him my most confused expression.

"Alister, what are you babbling on about?"

"Marina and I-what were you talking about?" he asks, looking embarrassed. Bless. He's got a crush on the nurse.

"Well, as touching as the subject is, it wasn't you two I was talking about."

"Oh. That's-good." He sits down, looking absolutely mortified. I snigger.

"Swiftly moving on," I begin, laughing inside as he looks relieved. I hope he realises I will of course be telling Zip. "I actually meant since I was admitted."

"Lara-"

"I've read it all here, Alister, and I just-can't believe it." My voice starts breaking up. "I need you to tell me-how many times did I almost die?" He looks so reluctant I almost take pity on him, but-I need to know. "Please."

"Six," he whispers.

"Six?" I gasp.

"Five if you don't count the seizure, because they're not normally fatal," he pipes up, smiling, hoping I'll do the same.

"So, why am I still here?" I continue. "Why in any of those six times didn't I give up?"

"Lara, why would you want to?" he gasps, looking genuinely upset.

"I could have been with her by now. All of this shit would have been over!" I sob. I lean forward and place my head in my hands, shaking and crying violently. Why couldn't I just go? Why couldn't I just die? I could have been with her, I could have been with her…my mother.

"Lara, you don't mean that!" Alister says, his sounding surprisingly thick. "You have so much to live for!"

"Like _what_, Alister?" I screech. "My mother's gone, my father's dead, I have a daughter who I don't even know…and now the one thing that was my salvation is gone! I can't feel my legs so that's the end of tomb raiding for me! My blood pressure's already high enough for me to suffer a stroke or a heart attack!" Alister starts crying himself, but I'm uncontrollable. "Maybe I should just…request a form."

"What form?" he asks.

"So I can tick 'no resuscitation'."

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_Alister's POV_

"What form?" I ask, horror rising inside of me.

"So I can tick 'no resuscitation.'"

"Lara, no!" I cry. "You don't mean this. This is just the-"

"It's not the bloody morphine! I'm tired of life, Alister-it's just been one disappointment after the next!"

"What about Lily? She's your daughter! And _Excalibur_?" I say desperately.

"What can that really do for me apart from get me to the place that I could already go to if I just died?" she says sadly, still crying.

"But what about your daughter?" She shakes her head.

"I'd never go down that path again. Being a mother was the worst time of my life." I clasp her hand in mine and sit down on the bed.

"Lara," I begin. Once again she gives me her full attention. But that's good-I'm not babbling this time. "There is one thing-if there's nothing else-you could stay for."

"What, Alister?" Oh god, this is harder than I thought. I thought I was ready-well, I wasn't, but I need to get her out of it. And it's true… I open my mouth to tell her my well-kept secret for four years...

"Miss Croft, I'm gonna need that file back," someone interrupts.

"Take it," Lara mutters not taking her eyes off me.

"Good, it's just he's back and hasn't quite forgiven me for just laughing when-oh hello, Alister!"

"Marina, hi!" I say enthusiastically, breaking mine and Lara's moment. She laughs at my over-enthusiasm, but I think my reason is good enough.

"I'm surprised I haven't seen you here for a couple of days. At one point I thought you'd been superglued to her bed."

"Yeah, I was grounded," I nod, sighing. She giggles.

"Oh, were you a bad boy, Alister?" she teases. We stare into each other's eyes for a few seconds when she suddenly remembers herself. "Right, the file! I gotta get it back. Um, do you wanna meet up for another coffee, Alister?"

"Absolutely," I nod.

"Great. And maybe one day, if we're lucky, you'll ask me," she smirks, walking out waggling her hips. I gaze after her (what man wouldn't?) when I hear a crash behind me.

"Lara?" I whip round to see her on the floor behind her bed, groaning. "What-did you fall out?"

"No, Alister, I tried to stand up! I thought maybe someone would let me get that back, but apparently I'm destined to-to-" her voice breaks off again. I crouch down beside her and pull my best friend into a deserving hug. "I can't do this anymore," she sobs.

"Of course you can," I soothe. "Yes, things have been really shitty lately, but you've also discovered something so ornate and beautiful-it's a legend!"

"Yes, one that I can't use," she whispers.

"Of course you can use it! Since when has a little thing like no feeling in your legs stopped you?"

"What?" she says disbelievingly, although she's smiling. She's smiling!

"Lara, even with the feeling, you wouldn't have been able to go very far-you haven't got a clue where another dais is, do you?"

"No, but I could've looked."

"What about the scrolls?"

"You could have done that," she says weakly.

"We'll work better as a team," I promise.

"So, you mean I'm going to be stuck in the library all day everyday?" I nod. "Translating something that may or may not be possible to translate?" I nod again. "Oh my god," she gasps. "I'm going to be you!" I give her a mock glare. Thanks, Lara!

She bursts out laughing at my expression. Glad I'm so amusing-at least she's smiling again. You know, I'm not actually too bothered that she laughed at me. I mean, with Marina on the scene…

…could something happen between us? Would I finally have the power to…let go?

No, no, don't be ridiculous, you don't get over love like that, you dozy git! So…why am I getting butterflies at the idea of Marina…?

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_James's POV_

I've paced the halls all around this damn hospital and I still haven't found her! Where is she? I haven't seen her since yesterday-

"Lily!" I call when I catch her walking out of the bathroom. She turns around and notices me, but her expression doesn't change. She looks like she's been crying. "Hey, I've been looking for you!"

"Sorry," she mumbles. "I guess I just…forgot."

"You okay, Lia?"

"I'm great, yeah!" she smiles. I give her one my 'come on' looks. "Can we just-go home?" she asks. I nod.

"Sure," I agree. She nods sadly and smiles in thanks (I'm guessing). "Honey, what happened?"

"Nothing," she shrugs. "I'm just-tired." Why does she always shut herself off? Would it kill her to just _tell_ me something?

As we walk down the halls, she stops outside the mortuary. Her eyes keep scoping the place like she's looking for something. "It's not there anymore," she mutters.

"What isn't?"

"Nothing," she replies. Goddamnit!

She was silent on the drive back to the hotel. She didn't even look like she was really there. She kept looking out the window, but her eyes weren't flickering like they were following the scenery-they were completely still.

When we get back to my room she goes over to the bed and stares out the window again. I sigh and make myself a pot of coffee-obviously I'm not gonna get anything out of her, even if I ask.

"I can't do this," she whispers.

"Huh?"

"I want out."

"Of-what?" I say confusedly, putting my mug down. She looks back at me but says nothing. "Wait do you mean-this?" She nods slowly.

"I just wanna go back to the States."

"Honey, you got it. I'll go book the tickets." Thank god! I've missed New York! I get out my cell and dial Virgin Atlantic. They're well known contacts of ours so I can normally get reduced seats-first class of course.

"Don't you wanna know why?" she asks.

"I respect your privacy," I answer, dialling. She cracks up.

"Smooth," she snickers.

"Although," I begin, hanging up at the engaged tone. "Can I ask-"

"Why?"

"Yeah." She looks down, and back out the window. I've known her long enough to know she's just preparing herself. It's a habit of hers.

"Before I saw you, I was outside Lara's room, right? I, um, heard her talking to that guy, Alister and she kept saying all this stuff like, how she couldn't feel her legs, how she almost died six times…it just got me thinking, she's stressed enough." I nod. Okay, I think I get what she's saying. "It's already gonna be hard enough for her to recover, and I don't wanna be the one to get in the way of that."

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_Or is there maybe another reason? Did she hear more than she let on? How will Lara cope with the loss of her use of legs? Well I'll tell you…_if_ you review which means I can see the point in updating and you find out. Latez!xxx_


	10. Sinking

_Disclaimer: I'm afraid to report...sniff!...that due to my holding Crystal Dynamics people hostage, they...sniff!...took Tomb Raider away from me! Noo!_

_kk: Aw, thanks, that's really nice of you to say. Oh, and, yay! Another new reviewer!_

_Team-chaser: The chapter you've been waiting for! It's here, my friend, it's here...I promised you it'd be up! I'm going to stop being random now and let you get on with reading as there might not be an update for a couple of weeks after this...why I just told you that I don't know cos you'll get me with the plushies, won't you? Oh, and Marina's not going anywhere (ducks)_

_Bluewolf487: Hey, you didn't give up on me! Yay! Finally, someone who doesn't want Marina dead (raises eyebrows to Team-chaser) I really love that scene with the form, as well. There are a few more emotional scenes (well they are to me) coming up but I'm going to shut up now and let you read! _

_The Third-Demi God: Soz, but Marina's staying...and no he didn't tell her his secret. Oh well...about the unknown character, he's not in it for a while, but I haven't written him out completely...I have big plans for him..._

NONE of which are in this chapter, so read and weep, people!

A/N Thanks for the reviews!

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_Alister's POV_

She's been depressed. Well who can blame her really, after all she's been through-the nurses keep tip-toeing around her because she's already earned a reputation for being snappy! How odd…

The doctors have told her she can come home today, but here's the catch-she'll need a wheelchair until her legs are strong enough to take crutches. I keep trying to remind her that at least she'll be away from those 'bloody monitors' and back home but she just grunts in reply, and turns away from me.

"Lara?" I say as I knock.

"Yeah?" I come into her room and see Marina finishing the adjustments to her wheelchair.

"Hi, Marina," I say coyly.

"Hello, Alister," she says knowingly. I clear my throat nervously.

"Um, I'm ready to leave just as soon as you've stopped flirting!" Lara interrupts. I snap back to my senses.

"Of course!" I agree, going up behind her wheelchair. "You have my number, right, Marina?" She nods. "So, you ready, Lara?"

"Just get me back," she mumbles sadly.

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_Lara's POV_

Jesus, this is so humiliating! I don't even need to look up to know what people must be thinking. I'm well known over here-what must be going through their minds as they see Lara Croft reduced to a wheelchair. One that I can't even push myself!

I keep my head down as we pass through the many corridors-how he's navigating himself around I couldn't say. I wish he'd find a faster way, though-it's like he's taking me the scenic route!

A bright glare on the damp floor forces me to look up as we near the entrance. I glance around for what is hopefully the last time I come here as an in-patient and catch two nurses looking directly at me and gossiping about something. When they notice me, they hush up, but I can see it in their eyes 'she's given up'. Not quite, bitches!

"Alister, stop," I say.

"Is everything all right, Lara?" he asks coming round to the front and crouching to my level. Oh, the shame.

"Move," I order. If I'm going to be in a wheelchair, the least I can do is propel myself along rather than have some poor sod doing it! At least I'll still have some independence.

"Lara, I can push-"

"Well I don't want you to!" I snap.

"Can I at least take your bags?" he offers.

"They are fine on my lap," I sigh.

"But they're quite heavy-"

"Well it's not like I can feel it or I wouldn't even _be_ in this bloody wheelchair!" I snap in a strained voice. Oh good-add more to my list of indignities-why not just start crying in the middle of the corridor!

Alister raises his hands in surrender, and I start moving again. I make a point of looking over where the nurses were but they're gone. I sigh and keep going.

When we reach the doors Alister rushes to open them for me. I don't say anything but I'm suddenly aware that everyone must be looking at me. I'm not paranoid-I just have to glance at one person and they're staring at me. Not necessarily in a hostile way but still I could do without it!

I get outside and start scanning the car park for the limo. Did he even bring it because now I think about it, Winston would surely have been the one to collect me. "Where's the car?" I ask.

"Oh, I brought mine," Alister replies shiftily. Oh yes, there's his Jeep. Hang on that's Zip's! Oh good grief, has this turned into an outing?

"That's Zip's car, Alister," I point out.

"Yeah, mine's in the garage."

"You had your MOT test four months ago," I smirk.

"Yes I did," he says, sounding embarrassed. "I mean it's _literally _in the garage." I raise my eyebrows at him. "But it was either this or the limo and I can't figure that thing out."

"Good," I breathe. "Make this as inconspicuous as possible." I look at Alister and he just nods. I've had enough people looking at me oddly-bringing the limo would just be taking the piss.

When we reach the car I realise a dilemma. How am I supposed to get in? I can't stand and I really don't want to have Alister helping me in-

"Alister, pass me my crutches," I ask.

"Lara, I don't-"

"I can handle it!" He sighs but for once doesn't do as I ask anyway. He lowers himself to my level again and whispers;

"Lara, it would be far more humiliating to you if I had to pick you up off the floor than if I just helped you out of the chair."

"Be quick," I mutter.

"Do you want to go in the back or-"

"I think the front will be fine!" I snap, looking around the car park. Fortunately there's no-one else around right now. Good. That helps me to relax a little. He grips my upper arms and gently lifts me up so I'm standing. I'm hoping against all will that I'll feel my shoes, the cobbled stones under the soles…nothing.

He lowers me down onto the seat and swings my legs into the car. I close my eyes in shame and feel a couple of tears of frustration that don't make their way out. I simply refuse to let them.

After a lot of faffing about with the boot, Alister finally climbs in beside me. "So, where to, Miss?" he says jokingly, but I'm not in the mood.

"Just drive me home, Alister," I mutter. I hear him move the car into gear and start the engine, and then we're off. Finally.

As soon as I'm out of view shot of the hospital, I allow myself to look out of the window. The countryside flies by, hedge after hedge, field after field. Normally my mind's far too preoccupied for me to even be looking out the window let alone taking it all in, but for some reason, I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate on anything right now.

When Alister drives around the round-about, I suck my breath in. I wait tensely as we approach the spot and close my eyes so I don't have to see it again. I can't-I just can't look at it. Already I can hear the roars of the engines, the rain on my hair and chest and face, the blinding light coming from nowhere in my eyes and the horror as I realise I've lost control…

I open my eyes quickly. We've stopped, right where it happened. I look to the windscreen and see a queue to the traffic lights just ahead. Move, now! Please!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Is she still breathing?" a police officer asks hurriedly. The woman nods._

"_Yes, and she has a weak pulse. I called an ambulance, but the paramedics they sent were on another job so they won't be coming from the hospital."_

"_Which means they have to get through those bloody traffic lights!" the officer curses._

_I'm in…so much…pain. What-what happened? Why… I sit up hurriedly, feeling a wave of nausea come over me. "Sweetheart, you can't sit up, we don't know how bad your-oh dear lord." What's she talking about? "Just lie back, darling, someone will be here soon. Sir!"_

"_Has something happened?"_

"_Sir, she's bleeding from the mouth, it looks like a haemorrhage…" she says anxiously. Am I dying? I feel drowsy and so very tired. I close my eyes and darkness overrides me…_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Lara?" Alister says, awakening me.

"I'm fine," I whisper, though in truth, it just haunts me.

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As Alister wheels me in to the house I feel that sense of embarrassment creep back. What will Zip and Winston say? I shouldn't be needing a wheelchair to get about. How am I supposed to work out? How am I supposed to find the daises? What if I can't even get through to Avalon from the daises because of this bloody wheelchair? That would mean the end…

"Lara! Hey, welcome back, Sweetcheeks!" Huh, Sweetcheeks. He hasn't called me that in a long time. If memory serves, last time I threatened to push him in the pool-Zip has an irrational fear of water. And sheep, which I told you for no reason at all.

"When was the last time you called me that?" I ask. He grins cheekily.

"Lady Croft." Typical Winston-even at a time like this, formality never fails him. "I'm glad to see you back so-"

"Well?" He nods and smiles nervously. "Come here, you stupid bugger," I laugh, opening up my arms. He approaches nervously, but allows himself to fall into my embrace.

"I'm so glad you're back, Lara," he smiles.

"Me, too," I agree.

"Uh, would you guys like a moment alone, or-" Zip begins.

"Well you were next, but I'm not sure you deserve it now," I smirk.

"Aw, you know I didn't mean it!" he says in a mock upset tone. I laugh and hug him, too.

"As for you, Alister," I begin. "You deserve a lot than a hug."

"Do I now?" he smiles.

"Come here," I giggle and plant a small kiss on his lips. "You've been great."

"And cue Celine Dion," Zip mutters. I give him an odd look and he brings his face back to innocent. Christ, I've seen convicts more convincing than him! "You okay there, Alister?"

"Of course!" he says, but Zip's right, he's gone all red! My god, I didn't know I was that revolting! Suddenly, just like that, my good mood's gone. I literally feel like a huge weight has been placed on my shoulders, my chest-even my throat feels strained as I fight the urge to just burst back into tears.

I take a deep breath and force a smile back onto my face. "Um, I'm feeling quite tired," I lie, the best excuse I can think of.

"Okay, I'll take you to your room," Alister offers. I nod thankfully.

As we leave, we hear Zip humming; hmhmhmhm_hm_hm hmhmhm hm_hmmm_hm. It's that bloody song 'My Heart Will Go On'! "You know we can hear you, Zip?" I check.

"You'll never prove it," he laughs.

Alister wheels me up the ramps (since when did we have ramps!) and into my bedroom. He even helps me onto the bed like a true gentleman. So why do I still feel so depressed?

I roll on my side, listening to Alister fiddle with the wheelchair and hear a few frustrated groans and sighs but I don't take them in. God, I'm so pathetic! Why couldn't my body have broken an arm or something, why my legs? Why the one thing that defines me? I can't do anything anymore. I can't work out, I can't swim, I can't-I can't even get up the stairs…

I clutch the pillowcase as a wave of fury and self-loathing comes over me. I really despise myself right now. How stupid was I to think for one _second_ that this could all be normal, like the way it was? How stupid was I down there, hugging everyone like this was some tearful reunion. And the kiss…what came _over_ me! Why am I so bloody _thick_ sometimes?

Oh, I'm sorry, make that all the time!

"Sleep well, Lara," Alister whispers.

"It's two in the afternoon, Alister and all I've done for shit knows how long is lie in bloody bed!" I say angrily. I'm not sure who I'm angry at-him for saying something so stupid or me for…my predicament? Who uses long words like that?

"Well in your predicament, it's no surprise," he reasons. I guess Alister does. I snicker to myself. "Well, lie here and daydream, Lara." I hear his footsteps become quieter and I realise I don't want to be alone with my thoughts.

"Alister?" I call, hating every word and loathing myself even more. "Will you-"

"What is it, Lara?" he asks concernedly.

"Will you stay with me-for a while?" I ask. He looks lost for words like he's struggling to answer.

"Of course!" he says like it's obvious. I smile at him but it's more a smile of self-pity than thanks. He comes over to the bed and sits opposite me and takes my hand comfortingly. "You'll be okay, Lara," he assures me. I want to nod and agree and say 'of course' or 'thanks' and all that bollocks but I don't think I can. I acted far too soap opera-like downstairs-still why break the habit of a lifetime? There was always one point in every aspect of my stupid life that I acted like a soap star! Whether it was the heroine, the damsel in distress or just the over-dramatic on-looker…I can't escape that very sad fact.

Perhaps it's time I started facing them. The facts, my demons.

_Oh great idea, Lara, that'll cheer you up, you stupid bitch! Why not consider the way your mother disappeared right in front of you when you were nine, the best bit-it was your fault! Oh yes, this makes you feel much better!_

"Lara?" I look up at him.

"Yes?"

"I-," he stutters. Well what? God, he's not going to proclaim his undying love for me, is he? Oh look, there goes EastEnd girl again! "I-I just want you to know, I'm always here for you." All that for _that?_ I nod.

"Thanks," I smile. At least I'm not the only complete twat in the world… "When's your sister coming?"

"Emma? She's not-"

"But I thought-"

"She was, but I cancelled it," he explains.

"Why?"

"Well, because of-you know."

"What, my newfound love of wheelchairs?" I say sarcastically. He doesn't say anything and looks down uncomfortably. "You shouldn't have cancelled it on my behalf."

"I just didn't think you'd want the stress of a guest," he argues.

"Well you could've asked! I may not be on top form but I think I'm capable of housing someone! I mean let's face it, I do you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" he contradicts.

"I hate to break it to you, but you're hardly a necessary resident, Alister! You're only here because you're too fucking immature to get your own place!"

"Oh really?" he says dangerously. "Well, what about Zip?"

"At least he _has_ a flat! You're just completely dependent on me!"

"You know, Lara, if I was half the man you apparently think I am, I would subtly remind you of how you got upstairs tonight. Oops, I'm sorry, did that slip? My mistake." I sit up furiously, only to find him halfway across the room.

"You are so fortunate you're out of my reach!" I snarl.

"Yes," he agrees nonchalantly. "A pity you can't walk, isn't it?"

"You truly are one heartless bastard, Alister," I say on the verge of tears.

"Well at least I earned it this time," he breezes. "And just so you know, I _will_ invite Emma back here. You're right-the world doesn't revolve around you and if I want my sister to come, she will come. Do hope that's all right with you, boss."

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_Emma's POV_

What the-who would be stupid enough to _call _me at this hour? They'd better have a freaking good excuse because I was dreaming-well, you don't really need to know about that.

"Yes?" I spit down the phone.

"My god, Emma, I swear I ended up with saliva in my eye," I hear someone with a strong British accent say.

"Alister!" I snap. "_What_ are you doing _calling_ me at this hour!"

"Emma, it's 2:30," he says.

"No, it's not, it's 8:30 and-oh my god, I should've been at work ten minutes ago!"

"It's Sunday, Emma."

"Right," I remember. "Then _what_ are you doing _calling _me at this hour!"

"You really aren't a morning person, are you?"

I clear my throat. "Um, Alister, unless you tell me what you want in three seconds, I will catch the next plane to England, I will _walk_ to that little estate of yours-"

"Clearly you didn't get a map of England-"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm threatening you!" I snap angrily.

"Emma, it really won't be necessary of you to walk," he says mysteriously.

"What, you want me to swim there?"

"Never thought of that," he laughs. "Or I could just pick you up."

"You'd pick me up when I'm threatening to kill you?"

"Well, minus the threats."

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Do you want to come to England?"

"Well, yeah, but you cancelled," I remind him. I thought my brother was supposed to be smart.

"Still stands, if you want to."

"What, so, your boss is cool with it?"

"I've just decided her opinion doesn't matter anymore," he says casually. He never talks like this-what's up with him?

"But, honey, you could get fired and I could get thrown out."

"Neither will happen, Emma, I promise you," he assures me.

"Well, if you're sure-"

"Absolutely," he says, smiling (just guessing here).

"All right," I smile. I mean to tell the truth, I was kinda bummed when he cancelled it because England's somewhere I've never been before. It's so weird that half my family grew up there, but I've never been! And also, I haven't seen in him like two years.

"So, uh, flight details?"

"Aw, you really gonna pick me up, honey?" I tease.

"Well I could just send you a cab…and then make you pay-"

"You do that, you may find yourself in a very awkward, unexplainable situation you couldn't recover from for all eternity!" I threaten.

"Like what?" I stop. Damnit!

"Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"

"You haven't got a clue, have you?"

"Not so much, no," I smile. "But anyway, if you do decide to be a complete jerk, I will think of something on the cab ride."

"Would I do that to you?" I stay silent. "Never mind. I promise I'll pick you up. You're coming in at Birmingham, aren't you?"

"Uh yeah, I think so. Hold on, let me check," I answer. "Okay, Washington International to-yeah, Birmingham! Wait, this doesn't make sense!"

"What?"

"I take off at 10 in the morning, and it's what a seven hour flight, but I don't get into England until eleven at night!"

"Yeah, Emma, that's eleven _England _time!" he says, laughing.

"Oh. Yeah I didn't think of that. Well, now you know, I land in Birmingham at eleven on the 8th. Oh my god, I'm actually coming to England."

"Yes you are," he laughs again. I start laughing again.

"Okay, I'll see you a week Saturday, honey!"

"Yes, bye, Emma," he says in that weird way of his. I used to ask him why he did it, but in the end I just gave up-sometimes just nodding along is the best thing you can do.

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_Alister's POV_

We've been avoiding each other since…the argument. It's not exactly hard to do-I just stay upstairs. She prefers being downstairs in the tech room with Zip. Why do I always do this? Every time we argue, I always end up going too far and really trying to hurt her.

Why am I doing that? Am I really that angry at her that I want to slowly destroy her…or am I just pissed at myself and taking it out on her? Do I want her to feel as bad as I do?

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_Lara's POV_

I'm only down here to avoid Alister, I know that. I keep trying to tell myself it has nothing to do with him, that I just like to go outside, but even stupid little me can figure out I'm just lying to myself.

When he said 'a pity you can't walk' I just felt so…vulnerable, in a sense. For some reason, I didn't hate him for it, but I couldn't stop thinking about how true it was, and I how I despised myself for it _being_ true! I know that sounds ridiculous and all I can think about is how stupid I'm being about everything!

I mean, look at Zip! I can't see him getting flapped about being in a wheelchair! He'd probably hook up a console and play games all day while keeping track of me! It wouldn't make much difference to Alister, all he does is sit in that bloody library chair all day anyway! As for Winston…he'd be as stuck as me. At least he'd be getting the break he deserves.

I hate having literally everything done for me. But now I think back, that's what it's been like all my life. Whenever I was to go travelling again, it was always Zip and Alister who made the 'usual arrangements'. Whenever something needed packing or unpacking, that was always left to Winston. Anything to be done at home, I've solely relied on them to do it! Oh God, I was always useless…

Even before I got this stupid wheelchair I never did anything. All I did was go travelling and make a nuisance of myself everywhere! I must have condemned God knows how many to death, with or without the work of my pistols-Luddick, those hundreds of mercenaries who were just doing their jobs, Amanda (though she survived, I just left her!) Rutland even! The father of my child and I tried to kill him…I actively waved the sword about and let the energy escape…

But what about those more innocent-Zip, Alister, Winston-I put them in danger everyday just for associating with them! That Russian naval officer I had to abandon, Werner and…Kurtis Trent.

All of those people whose lives I've indirectly taken-maybe things are better for them if I'm like this. Confined to a chair for the rest of my life-perhaps it's a blessing in disguise…

_Oh what are you talking about, you stupid bitch! This would've happened anyway! All of it! You're not that important! Stop flattering yourself that they would be safer just because the great Lara Croft wasn't about! It's not all about 'you' 'you' 'you'! Pull yourself together!_

"Lara, you okay?" Zip asks.

"Fine," I nod.

"Umm…" he says nervously. "You might wanna see this."

"What is it?"

"I was going over the footage from the whole Excalibur thing and look what I found." He hands me a printout of a Bolivia image where Rutland is brandishing his sword fragment. Behind him to his left is a helicopter with two enhanced figures, Amanda and-Lily! I shrug.

"So she was there," I say nonchalantly.

"She was also in Ghana," Zip points out, giving me another printout.

"So she travels with her father a lot."

"And in Kazakhstan-" I push the printout away.

"Amanda was there-Zip do you actually have a point?" He shrugs and goes back to his computer. He frowns as he looks at the screen.

"Neither of them were in Cornwall, am I right?"

"Aside from their employees as I was coming out," I mutter. He hands me yet another printout and there she is again, hidden in the shadows. All of these have been enhanced. "So the little bitch was following me around. She was in Nepal, as well."

"What? But I've been studying these images like crazy, and I've never-"

"You wouldn't have done," I reply. "She showed up after we lost contact."

"We lost contact?"

"Yes," I remind him. "If memory serves, you thought it was due to a particularly harsh snowstorm. I just never bothered to correct you."

"So what happened?"

"There was another of Rutland's ambushes waiting for me outside the monastery and one of the little bastards shot the camera. I believe he was aiming for my heart."

"What, he actually shot you there?" I give him an odd look.

"Hundreds of times you've seen me deal with these bastards single-handed, yet you're still surprised?"

"No, just-you don't normally give 'em a chance!"

"I was caught off-guard," I admit. Zip gives a low whistle. "Why are you so surprised, it has happened before."

"Well sure, but-man!" he exclaims. I shake my head and study the pictures. Why was she always following me? The first three, fair enough-there was either Amanda or Rutland there, but to stalk me to England and Nepal! She must have been desperate!

I discard the picture, like I did her. I meant it when I said I didn't want anything to do with her. I wouldn't put myself through it again-motherhood truly was the worst time of my life! I hated every aspect of it! The conception, the pregnancy, the birth, the-you get the gist.

Why am I wasting my time thinking about her? I wrote her out of my life when I was nineteen, I'm not about to let her back in…and that's the way it'll stay. It's the way it has to stay. It's how it has to stay…

Why do I seem to hate her so much? Why do I resent her for following me, for finding me, for being there for me while I was at the hospital? Is it him? Rutland? Is it because of…is that why I seem to hate her? Or is it because she's too much…is it because she reminds me of me? Desperately searching for her mother…resorting to desperate measures-in her case stalking, in mine…well I haven't changed. But wasn't my mother what it was always really about?

I've been like this ever since Paraíso. I just lost it, I lost the plot after that. I'd hated having to leave Amanda behind, so I resorted to travelling alone instead of with companions. Every time I've had a companion with me, I've abandoned them-Nepal, Cambodia, Peru, Prague…this is why I'm alone, isn't it? I'm a bad omen to anyone stupid enough to want to work with me!

I turn around in the chair and wheel myself out. I can't be with anyone right now. I'll just go outside-that's all I need, just some…

_Oh, who are you kidding! You're not going outside to get some 'fresh air' you're going outside to grieve and feel sorry for yourself because it's your entire fault!_

"Lady Croft, do you need-"

"No!" I snap.

"I was simply offering assistance in getting outside," he says, taken aback.

"I know what you were offering," I say in a low tone. "And I'm getting sick of it!"

"Yes, Lady Croft," he says submissively. What is _with_ him? Can't he be a friend instead of a fucking butler just _once! _

I can't go any further than the porch, but I just don't care. I'm away from everyone else, that's all I need. Like I have been since the age of 23. Or was it 22?

_Like that's the thing to be focusing on, you twat! For god's sake, quit the 'I'm so troubled' routine, because this is all your doing! You chose to leave those people behind, right? It was either stay and die or leave and live and move on. Which did you choose? Hmm. Then you got all pissed about Werner leaving you when that's exactly what you did to him aged sixteen! Get some perspective, girl!_

I can't really blame Werner, can I? At least he came back for me! I never returned. I got out of Angkor Wat as fast as I could and just…left. I got out of Paraíso as fast as I could and just left, I got out of Prague as fast as I could and just left! I can't blame myself for Nepal, really-that was an accident on Amanda's part!

_Really? Is it just easier blaming someone else? If memory serves, it was _you_ who pushed the sword in properly-_both_ times-therefore _you_ who activated the portal both times! You started this, Amanda just finished it!_

No, that's not true! I wouldn't have even done it the second time if the other Amanda hadn't condemned my mother to Avalon!

_Okay, but if all those other yous hadn't put the sword in those daises in the first place, Amanda wouldn't have had the chance, would she? All you did the second time was continue the chain by depriving another nine-year old of their mother._

It happened to me! I didn't know what was going to happen!

_Cos you just jump right into them, don't you? Did it never occur to you to pull the damn thing out yourself?_

Well why would I? I was trying to contact her!

_You got that, all right._

It was what was supposed to happen, I couldn't break the link of fate! I couldn't! The consequences would have been disastrous!

_And you end up the sad little heroine again, don't you? Just like you wanted._

I didn't want this.

_Then what did you want?_

To-talk to her again…

_But you did. It just wasn't what you were expecting._

I wanted to bring her back…I just wanted her back!

_Even you knew that was never going to happen. God knows, you've done enough tomb raiding._

Well what's it achieved? All that, what was it all for? Did I seriously hope to find a way to bring her back? How could I have done? I didn't even know where she'd gone! Why did it take me so long to find that dais? Why wasn't I even _looking_ for it! Why did it take me twenty-nine years to go looking for it?

_I guess after the abandonment of your last companion you thought you'd try and bring one back. You had to do something to begin repenting. You're getting old, Lara-nearly 40. Not exactly ripe for tomb-raiding, are you? Especially not in your predicament._

Bound to a wheelchair. This really is it. Even if I got out, would I ever get enough strength back to do all this again? Or would I stay weak?

_You've been weak all your life, Lara._

Only emotionally.

Especially _emotionally! You had to be detached what with all those killings._

It was self-defence.

_Tell that to a judge._

I will!

_That you're arguing with a voice in your head? That'll just weaken your defence-unless you plead insanity._

I haven't been summoned _once!_ Why are we having this discussion?

_Good question. Why are 'we'?_

I'm not crazy.

_Not much._

I'm _not_, I was-

_Let me guess, corrupted in your upbringing? Shocked by your mother's disappearance? Blaming someone else again, huh? Always was an all time low of yours. You're sinking, Lara. First you lost your legs, now you've lost your sanity. What's next?_

I won't lose everything!

_What else is there? The world's a bitch for people like you who've torn themselves away._

It was for everyone else!

_Ah, because you're a 'bad omen'? So it was an act of compassion? Aw look, you get to be the tearful heroine again!_

It was-it was-

_Desperation._

Well, why? There was nothing wrong back then, everything was-

_Fine?_

Yes! What could I have had to be desperate about?

_You know, Lara. Don't you remember? Hmm, selective memory. How convenient for you._

I didn't lose her…

_So where is she?_

I haven't lost her, not yet.

_You're running out of time, though, and you know it. You want her, act fast._

This is ridiculous! I'm having an argument with my cynical voice! I'm going crazy, I'm actually going insane.

"Lady Croft, it's getting rather cold. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable inside?"

"I'm quite all right, Winston," I reply.

"I insist, Lady Croft." I spin the wheelchair around and look him in the eye.

"And who gave you that right?"

"Lady Croft, it would be much more convenient if you were to simply come inside." Since when does Winston argue? "Listen to me, Lara." I sigh and wheel myself in through the doors.

I've gone and been defeated again.

_Quit the depression, it's getting irritating._

I'm not going to listen to it anymore. Voices of cynicism are signs of weakness. I'm not weak, I can't be weak! I need to be strong.

_Since when were you-_

"STOP IT!" I screech, breathing heavily. "Just shut up!"

"Lady Croft, what-"

"Back off, Winston!" I snap. "And you, Zip! Just piss off, the lot of you!" I wheel myself out of the room and up the ramp for the first time. I don't care-it's not important. I was going to have to someday, wasn't I?

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_James's POV_

There's something about this whole thing I don't get. You know I wanna go back to the States more than anything, but she made this decision so rashly I can't help but wonder that she's keeping something. Hey, I'm not gonna argue with her, it's her decision and all, but why suddenly now? Last week she nearly kicked me out the hotel when I suggested it!

Now she's all 'when's the flight? 'what time should we leave?' 'can we move it up?' like she can't wait to get outta here. I'm with her, don't get me wrong-I've been wanting to get out of this craphole hotel since we arrived, but she's been so determined to stay. Did something happen? Something she didn't tell me about?

"Hey, James!" she smiles. "You got everything?"

"Lily, we're not going till Thursday," I remind her.

"Well I'm sure as hell not jumping on the next plane at JFK to get that designer shirt you left behind," she smirks. I smile.

"So I won't leave it behind." She nods sceptically, but doesn't say anything. She remembers the Gucci incident.

I don't know why you're looking at me like that cos I'm not gonna tell you…

"Anyway, what makes you so sure you got everything?" I contradict, crossing my arms dramatically.

"I made a checklist," she smiles.

"And how do you-you made a _what? _Man, you geek!"

"James, remember that time three years ago after our short trip to San Francisco?"

"Yeah."

"And you left your Ralph Lauren sweater at the hotel?" Ah! Yeah, about that- "And when we got back to New York, it was _then_ you realised you'd left it behind, and what did you do?"

"I very reasonably told them to mail it," I say shiftily.

"James, you ordered it be locked in the safe in their basement until you could get there, using two helicopters and a private jet!" I shake my head with a sneer on my face trying to think of a good comeback. Damnit!

"Well the first helicopter wasn't mine," I mutter.

"No, you picked up a tourist copter and demanded it be redirected to Newark Airport just so you could get your private plane back to Frisco!" I shrug. "And remember the time after that, with your Gucci shirt-"

"Let's not get into this now," I say. She snorts but stops talking about it.

"Whatever, James. Geek," she breathes silkily, walking into the bathroom. I pull a face at the closed door, before realising how stupid I must look. (A/N it took him that long!)

As I start packing again, the phone rings. Who the hell knows we're here? It better not be damn reception again, offering room service! "Hello?"

"Lily Rutland?" a British female voice says. What, I sound like a girl now?

"No, it's her father. What's going on?"

"I have a caller on hold who wishes to speak with Miss Rutland. Is she about?"

"Uh, she's in the bathroom, can I take the call?"

"The caller specifically requested Miss Rutland."

"Well you can tell your caller that it's either me or not at all," I say demandingly.

"Of course, sir. Just a moment." I hear a weird sound as I'm placed on hold-and then a song playing. Well, what do you know? Carly Simon. I love the seventies!

"Sir?" the voice says after a few minutes. "The caller says they'll speak with you."

"Put them through," I reply. Who the heck could it be? And why would they be so desperate to talk to my daughter? Hey, maybe it's that guy-the one she met up with a while back. That would explain why he asked for her. I hope he's not planning on dating her-I've seen him once from a distance and he's at least ten years older than her!

"Hello?" a nervous British voice asks quietly. Sonofa-who _is_ this?

"Uh, hello, who is this?" I say. I hear a short gasp and the sound of someone hanging up. Well that was weird.

"What's going on?" Lily asks behind me.

"You got a hang-up," I reply, starting to feel angry. Who the hell was this person and what did they want with my daughter!

"Really? Who was it?"

"I don't know, they hung up."

"Well what did they sound like?"

"Uh, British," I reply. "You been hooking up with a lot of British people, Lia?" I joke, replacing the phone. I turn to look at her and she has a look of shocked realisation on her face.

"Was it a woman?"

"Sounded feminine," I reply nonchalantly. What is she-oh dear Lord. "Lily, I doubt it was her."

"Well it could have been!" Without warning, she rushes out of the room, grabbing her key from the slot.

"Lia, where are you going?" I shout after her. She doesn't answer and keeps on running until she gets to the elevators. "You're not going to reception," I tell her as I catch up.

"Uh, I think I am."

"Lily, it wasn't her."

"Oh, what do _you_ know, James?" Relax, I got a smooth answer ready.

"I know that you're my daughter and that we're leaving Thursday so there's no point in even finding out!" See, smooth!

"Well if it was her, I'm not going anywhere!"

"What?"

"What if she wants to talk things through? If she wants to see me, to hell with the flights, I'm going to see her!" The elevator doors open and she literally runs to the reception desk. Goddamnit!

"Good afternoon, miss, how can I help you?" one of the receptionists says politely, smiling.

"Did you get a call for Lily Rutland a minute ago?"

"Uh, yes. Your father took the call. I presume you _are_ Lily Rutland?" Lily nods, looking confused, but then starts to smile. Since when did she take my name?

"Who was the call from?"

"I'm afraid the caller withheld their identity."

"That's not possible, you'd have needed to get basic information just to let them through. All I need is a name."

"I'm afraid those details were withheld, miss. The caller simply requested to speak to Lily Rutland."

"So, they knew that was my name?"

"No, first they requested a Lily Wickets. I told them we have no records containing that name."

"So it was her second guess? She _did_ know who adopted me," Lily mutters. The receptionist looks a little confused but doesn't say anything. "Was it a 'she'?" The receptionist blinks at Lily's lack of formality, but nods curtly. "Did you get the number?"

"Such details were-"

"Withheld, I get it. But come on, how many other people could have called that line in the two minutes it took me to get down there?"

"The caller requested anonymity-"

"I just need her damn number! You can do that 1471 thingy!"

"That's against protocol!"

"And what if the caller had been threatening in some way? You'd have needed 'such details' then, right?"

"But they were not, so this doesn't qualify as an exception."

"It's important to me," Lily says calmly. "I just-need to be sure."

"I'm sorry, miss," the receptionist sympathises. "But if a caller requests anonymity, we must respect that. Besides, if she was so desperate to remain anonymous, she would most likely have withheld her number anyhow."

"Then what's the harm in trying?" The receptionist sighs. "I'm not a threat to her. I won't even call back. I just need to be sure."

"I'm afraid I can't, miss. Please step back from the desk, there are other guests waiting." Lily looks ready to argue her arse off, but to my surprise, she steps back. She glances at me sadly and wanders out of the lobby.

"Lily!" I call.

"Yeah?" Damn-I did _not_ expect her to listen or even answer!

"You okay?" Lame, I know. She shrugs.

"It was probably nothing," she says quietly.

"Yeah, but you did a good job in there. You didn't get pissy or anything-I'm proud of you." I put my arm around in a comforting way.

"Thanks, James," she smiles. She removes my arm. "But I'm not done yet." She goes into the computer room (that has like six computers) and takes a seat at one of them. She inserts a couple of English coins (I still can't get to grips with them) and logs online.

"Lia, what are you doing?"

"A little trick Dee taught me," she replies mysteriously. Ah, Dee. Scary woman. If I hadn't already decided I would be Lily's father, I swear she would have put me off!

I watch her type in various URLs and passwords (where does she _get_ them from?) until she reaches a telephone bill site. A _telephone bill site?_ "Lia?"

"You'll get it, James," she smirks, typing in another password. A little box comes up, asking for the name of the person they'd like to look up. She types in 'Lara Croft' and a whole bunch of lists come up. I hope she knows what the hell is going on!

She clicks on the topmost one and a list of numbers comes up, and their dates. She scrolls to the bottom and sighs. "It was her," she says confidently.

"How do you know?"

"Take a read of that." I follow her finger to the bottom most one and read;

_Arydia Star Country Hotel-4/9/06_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Whew, that one took me a long time! Okay, usual rules apply-review and I'll repay you with chocolate, plushies and an update...eventually so don't eat the chocolates too fast! LOL to all of you! Latezx! _()


	11. Far From Heaven

_Disclaimer: I do of course own this-unfortunately it's not all legal yet, but I think the negotiations are starting to work. It's amazing what a gun pointed to the Chief Director's head can do..._

_The Third-Demi God: Plenty more kisses where that came from...not in this chapter, so don't go all like 'oh my god, it's finally happening!' I didn't really like the hospital either but the reactions were very amusing. And yeah, it is another' top secret thingy that will appear later'. Hope you like the chocolates lol!x_

_Team-chaser: That pathetic kiss wouldn't have happened at all if I hadn't kept being badgered (not mentioning any names)...you know you don't like marina...you may want to speed-read the end then...thanks 4 da great idea lol!x_

_Note: The main theme at the end was all Team-chaser's idea-take a bow! (Team-chaser bows) You're great lol!x_

_One last thing (you all groan) I know I say this at the start of each chapter, but you may not want to take it too literally at the end here...read and weep people!_

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"You're dropping the case?" I whisper, staring at the two police officers opposite me disbelievingly.

"I'm afraid that, due to lack of evidence, we have no leads or suspects," the female officer-Jayne she said her name was-tells me gently.

"It was a hit-and-run," I state. "How much 'lack of evidence' do you need to drop a case like this? It's not just me who's in danger, if they did it once and got away with it-"

"It's unlikely they'll do it again," Jayne cuts in. "This driver must have been irresponsible, therefore fairly young and inexperienced, perhaps. The remorse they must be feeling would be punishment enough for them."

"And what makes you think they feel remorse?" I contradict.

"Do you?" the male interrupts.

"For…what-?"

"I would expect someone with your record to be extremely lenient, especially as you didn't actually die!" he says rudely. I look to Jayne for answers.

"His father was a mercenary, believed to be murdered by…well, you," she explains. I let out an exclaim of surprise.

"That was self-defence," I say.

"What could he possibly have done to deserve death at your hand?" the man snaps.

"He tried to kill me, sir, that's what!"

"Frankie, you promised me you'd not let your personal issues interfere!" Jayne scolds. "Can you start acting like a professional or do I need to dismiss you?"

"I think I can control my urges," he mutters sarcastically, shooting filthy looks my way. I ignore this, not letting on how unnerved I'm starting to feel.

"Miss Croft, are there any other questions?" Jayne asks kindly.

"Yes. I'd like to know who's bribing you to drop the case," I reply confidently. Jayne looks confused and even 'Frankie' doesn't look certain.

"I can assure you, Miss Croft, we don't accept bribes of any manner," Jayne says.

"Really?" I contradict. "You did nineteen years ago. I wouldn't have believed it until you dropped a case that was so obviously able to be solved."

"Miss Croft, there are no other records of crimes against you in our files."

"That's because it was in New York," I reply.

"You really think those Americans are capable of thinking anything other than themselves?" Frankie says boredly.

"Your father's employer being a prime example," I remind him. "I'm assuming, as the emotional wound is clearly still fresh, he must have been a mercenary of James Rutland?"

"You don't have the right to talk about him!" Frankie spits, standing up.

"And you have no right to accuse me of murdering your precious father when that was his intention from the moment he laid eyes on me!" I snap fiercely. I turn back to Jayne. "Officer Griffiths, I would appreciate it if your loyalty could be wavered by double the sum you are already being paid."

"Miss Croft, _I _would appreciate it if you could stop insulting us in this manner," she says calmly but firmly. "We don't accept bribes, we are dropping this case as there are more important matters to be dealt with."

"I understand you have to prioritise," I agree. "What I'm unsure of is why this case is being dropped rather than simply being put on hold."

"The board has discussed it, and we don't consider it a high-profile case. You have sustained no physical long-term injuries and your head-"

"No physical long-term injuries?" I cry. "Need I remind you I'm in a wheelchair with numb legs because of what they did!"

"Which, as you so confidently assured us, is healing all the time." I back down, both emotionally and physically.

"And that was your motive? That's what you're basing this decision on?" I check.

"No, of course not, Miss Croft, although the assurance from you did make the decision all the easier." I sigh and lean back in my chair. What a load of bollocks.

"Interesting, because I was under the impression that the decision had been made prior to my 'assurance'," I remind her.

"Miss Croft, an answer would give you the false impression that you actually _mattered_ to us," Frankie sighs.

"Frankie!" Jayne scolds again.

"Jayne, we've told her what we need to and she'll have to accept it. She's wasting valuable police time!" he argues. Jayne looks taken aback but nods meekly.

"Unfortunately, we do have other duties to see to," she says kindly. "But please, get in touch if you have any queries." She hands me a card.

"What if new evidence were to come along?" I ask.

"Well, if it was incriminating enough to lead us to a compatible suspect, we would consider reopening the case, but otherwise-"

"Consider your case dead," Frankie finishes for her, emphasising 'your' and 'dead'. Jayne sighs but doesn't argue back. She obviously feels sympathy for Frankie. "Good day, Miss Croft. Hope you make a speedy recovery." He smirks at me cruelly, making a point of looking down at my legs. He tuts and shakes his head.

"You're extremely lucky I'm not armed, sir, or you may be with your dear father sooner than you thought!" I threaten. His smile falters.

"You know, threatening a police officer with a violent act is an arrestable offence."

"I don't see why, you lot do it everyday," I mutter.

"But I'll let it slide," he says sweetly. "Call it a disability allowance. Besides, you've suffered enough 'arrests' over the past two weeks. Take care." With that, he walks out behind Jayne who must have heard every word. That bastard-who the…who the hell does he think he is!

I hear Winston show them out and I feel like reprimanding him for it! The last thing they deserve right now is formality from my butler! "Winston!" I shout, anger raging up inside of me.

"Yes, Lady Croft?" he replies in that husky voice of his. He sounds so ridiculously ancient with that stupid voice! He should get a voice box!

"Why did you just show those police officers out?" I demand.

"I assumed the visit was over," he replies, then looks fearful. "Should I call them back?"

"No, you should _not_ call them back if you don't want to be fired because right now I'm on the verge of putting you on probation!" I snap. Winston looks shocked. That stupid old man-he's seen me angry before! "Did I ask you to show them out?"

"Lady Croft-"

"Answer the question! That's an order-you do understand that concept, don't you? I realise your memory can't be what it was as it was a very long time ago but I think even your ignorant brain can decipher an order!" I am so angry at him right now! He just looks shocked and speechless. Good! It means I don't have to hear that hoarse tone!

"It's a protocol," he says weakly.

"Oh so now there's a butler's protocol to show out rude, arrogant bastards in a polite fashion?"

"It was simply to rid you of them faster," he says calmly. I lean back in my chair, taking it in. Was that all it was?

"Was that really all it was?" I repeat to him. He nods solemnly. "Oh," I whisper, my rage being replaced by guilt. I can't quite find it in myself to apologise, though. "That was good of you," I eventually settle for. "Thanks." He nods, understanding the hidden meaning. He's known me for far too long. I smile awkwardly and he takes that as a hint to leave. God, I'd be lost without him. Completely and utterly fucked.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

The last thing I expect to hear when I go down to the kitchens is enraged shouting. I instantly recognise the voice as Lara's but as to who is on the receiving end-they must have really upset her;

"-but I think even your ignorant brain can decipher an order!"

"It's a protocol," the other one replies weakly. That sounds like-

"Oh so now there's a butler protocol to show out rude, arrogant bastards in a polite fashion?" That _is _Winston! What's he done to her? That moody little-no, sod her. She's got her problems, I have mine. I, um, need a biscuit.

When I return I see Winston by the fireplace, in his normal position. "Winston?"

"What can I do for you, Mr Fletcher?"

"Uh, is everything all right?"

"Of course. Why shouldn't it be?" he says cheerfully.

"I heard shouting earlier-"

"Oh yes, a slight conflict between myself and Lara. It's nothing to fret about, Mr Fletcher, she's under stress-I can sympathise perfectly." I laugh nervously.

"Maybe, but that doesn't excuse the way she treated you. What can you possibly have done?"

"Mr Fletcher, I'd advise you not to interfere. I made a-rash judgment shall we say, and she overreacted slightly." No, no, she can't talk to him like this, she'd be completely lost without him! I hand over my mug of tea to him and march into the lounge. "Mr Fletcher!"

"Just hold the mug, please, Winston," I reply. I storm into the lounge and see Lara staring dreamily out of the window like nothing happened. Her hair looks so…beautifully shiny when the sun hits it like that…focus, Alister! "Good day, Lara," I say sarcastically to gain her attention.

"Good afternoon, Alister," she replies mock pleasantly.

"I've been having a very interesting conversation with Winston."

"Oh really?"

"Yes," I say, deciding not to go right into it. "How are your legs today?" She blinks. I guess she wasn't expecting that.

"About the same," she replies uncaringly. Good façade, Lara-I'm impressed. It's almost believable.

"Yes. Still having trouble walking?" I ask in a genuinely questioning manner-no malicious tone, I'm still a gentleman.

"Not there yet," she says, sounding like she's gritting her teeth.

"Hmm. Only I imagine it must be a lot more difficult to get what you need about the house now that you're somewhat out of action?"

"Do you have a point to this, Alister, or are you simply here to be the arrogant arse you dress like?" I have to chuckle at this. I know my fashion sense can be bollocks, but that joke is getting _old_.

I repeat this to her, but she just stares on, awaiting an answer. "Why were you such a bitch to Winston?" I ask, getting straight to the point. (Finally!) She looks down uncomfortably. "Hmm?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you, _Alister_."

"Don't have to or don't want to?"

"I have my reasons, Alister, only I wouldn't expect _you _to understand right now!"

"Oh and what's that supposed to mean?"

"You've completely lost it! You used to be charming and pleasant to be with, but now you're this unpredictable monster who seems to be PMSing constantly!" I don't say anything. She doesn't looks like she's finished with me yet. She props her elbows parallel to the armrests and forces herself into a standing position.

"Lara-"

"What happened to you?" she says sadly. "You used to be someone I respected, someone I liked, someone I could trust. Now you're just…this." She hasn't collapsed yet-is she getting stronger? Well, stronger physically, stronger emotionally-she can hack it.

"Wake up, sweetheart, this is how I've always been! You've obviously been so blinded by your own 'problems', you just haven't noticed anybody else."

"And it is stuff like _that_, Alister, that's different about you!" She takes a step forward, grabbing the table with one hand-yet she's still standing. She's now visibly shaking at the weight of her body on her legs, but she's not collapsing.

"Lara, be careful," I warn. She looks up, surprise in her eyes. She smiles.

"Stuff like that," she says sadly. "Where's it gone? I could expect concern like that from you-"

"Wait, _concern? _Please don't mistake my anal attentiveness for actual affection." She snorts.

"I don't know why you're trying to prove yourself as a bastard, Alister, because I've known you long enough to know that this isn't you! What happened to the man I once told my darkest secret to? What happened to the man who was so passionate about his dissertation that he literally threw a celebration when it came through?" She's edging nearer with each word until eventually she's right opposite me. "What happened to the man I'd grown to love?"

With that word, everything just stops. My heart slows down, beating so loud I can hear it in my ears, the seconds feel like hours, I feel a slow surge of adrenaline seep through my stomach…even the movement of Lara's fringe from the small breezy rustle from the window is in slow motion. I'm so close to that symmetrical ovular face, to those beautiful chocolate eyes, to those perfect pink lips…

"You're my best friend," she continues. But we could be so much more, Lara…you just don't see that. I lean in closer to her and hear her gasp slightly. In that small moment when I hear the gasp, I make my mind up…

"You…" I whisper, so close I can feel the hairs on her neck stand up. "…are so full of bullshit, Lara." I hear her take sharp intake of breath and suddenly hear the cold sharp sound of a slap just before the skin on my cheek acknowledges the hard contact of her hand. My head turns sharply to the left.

"As are you, Alister," she whispers harshly. "For everyone's sake, especially your sister's, sort yourself out before Saturday." With that, she places herself back in her wheelchair and begins wheeling herself out. How she manages even _that_ with grace is beyond me. I guess while she was taught entrances and exits, they neglected the verbal area, if you see what I mean.

"Mr Fletcher?" Winston calls.

"In here, Winston," I reply.

"Is everything all right with you and Lara, only I heard-"

"Was there something you actually wanted, Winston, only I do have stuff to be getting on with," I say as calmly as I can. It's all about bloody Lara in this house! It might be hers, but we all live here!

"Uh, yes, there's a young woman on the phone for you." Why's Emma calling the house phone? How did she even _get_ the house phone number? "She sounded Cockney," Winston clarifies at the written confusion on my face. Oh, Marina! Yes, I did give her the house phone number, I remember.

"Thank you, Winston," I reply courteously and pick up the receiver to take the call. I smile at Winston, hinting I want him to leave, although apparently not amount of years living with Lara has taught him to read subtleties. "I'll take this call privately, Winston." He nods and leaves. Finally. "Hello?"

"Hi! Is that Alister or just some guy who sounds a lot like him?" I hear Marina's familiar Cockney drawl.

"Well, which would you prefer?"

"I dunno, is the other guy cuter?" she giggles. I smile.

"We're about the same."

"In that case, give me Alister."

"Aw, miss me did you?"

"Course I did. How have you been doing?"

"Oh you know, the usual. Nothing particularly riveting. You?"

"Ooh, yeah, fascinating stuff," she mutters sarcastically. "Hmm, there was this one guy who threw up all over my junior while she was taking a sample or what about the woman who claimed she was giving birth in the middle of the ward when it was just chronic diarrhoea?"

"Didn't need the details, Marina."

"Really? Only I've known you to be quite specific with your details," she says teasingly. I feel a blush creep up on my face. I know what she's talking about…

"Yes. Well perhaps we should discuss these 'details' at a later date?"

"Oh, what you got in mind?"

"What about a romantic candlelit dinner for two at this region of Shropshire's most prestigious- i.e. expensive-restaurant where dancing isn't only optional, it's compulsory?" I suggest.

"You have been doing your homework," she says, half-impressed.

"Just showing off my great attention to detail," I say off-handedly. "This Thursday. What do you think?"

"I think-" she says mysteriously. "That there's a lot more to you than meets the eye, Alister Fletcher."

"Oh and what's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm sure we'll both find out Thursday," she giggles. "Better hurry and book that table-I hear these 'prestigious' places can be hard to get into."

"Not with my contacts." She laughs again. It's so sweet-she sounds like a teenager. She really acts it, too. I don't mean she's immature, but she uses her time to go out and have fun rather than stay in and fret all the time. She's definitely young at heart as well as in looks.

"I'll see you at my flat, then. You do remember where it is, don't you?"

"Trust me, it'll be hard to forget," I smirk.

"Bye, Alister."

"Talk to you later, Marina." She makes a puckering up sound, giggling and hangs up. See, that's someone who appreciates the fun little things rather than being so serious and stressed. She's a woman who knows how to have fun in life, despite her life as a nurse. Even despite this, she's not emotionally detached, she's fun to be around and…she actually seems to like me. Don't take this the wrong way, but she's someone I have a chance with. Lara's too far out of my league-Marina is also out of my league, but…she's different. I can't explain, but I don't need to. I like her, she likes me and I'm finally being an adult about this 'dating' lark. I'm not holding out for the one that'll just break my heart, I'm…grabbing the spoon. I'm moving on.

* * *

_James's POV_

You know, I'll never understand the female race. They can never make up their minds about what they want. Like Lily-yesterday she couldn't wait to get out of here, now she's questioning going at all. And Lara-she said she didn't anything to do with Lily (I can't bring myself to say 'our daughter'. I'm sure you get why) and now she's calling the hotel!

So why did she hang up? Lily thinks it was because I answered. She thinks Lara lost the nerve when she heard my voice and won't call again. But that wasn't the only means of contact-oh no, Lily left Lara her cell phone number and Lara took it. She could've thrown it out, but I don't have the heart to say that to her. She's already stressed enough. Ever since our 'little talk', she hasn't taken her eyes off her cell. She's barely slept in case Lara phones in the middle of the night. In a way, it kinda breaks my heart to see Lily acting like this. She was fine before she found Lara. She wasn't so obsessed with being near her, with talking to her, she was…normal, upbeat, and cheerful, with the occasional episode but what teen doesn't?

"_Why did you answer?" she demands._

"_It was an anonymous call, it could have been anyone!" I protest._

"_And it never occurred to you to let me take it myself?"_

"_I was trying to protect you, Lily! How was I supposed to know it was her?"_

"_Who else would it be?"_

"_I didn't know, that's the point! Besides, you've been taking a lot of 'private' calls on your cell recently!"_

"_I know who they are, though-"_

"_And I didn't, that's why I took it in case it was some creep trying to perv after you!"_

"_Well you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" she says pointedly._

"_That was totally over the line, Lily," I warn. "Take it back."_

"_Well maybe she wouldn't have given me up if-"_

"_But then you wouldn't even have been here!"_

"_I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you?"_

"_For the love of God, how many times do I have to tell you, I love you, you're my daughter and I'm glad you found me!" I scream. "Why isn't that enough!" She doesn't answer. She looks like she's debating with herself. She shakes her head sadly._

"_Because for people," she begins, brown eyes glistening with tears. "It's never enough." I frown in confusion. "Think about it-if you'd gotten Excalibur, would getting that have been enough? For you, for Amanda? No, because after she'd found Avalon, there'd be another realm or forgotten culture or something to discover. And if Amanda wasn't happy, you wouldn't be cool because you'd want to keep her happy, so finding Excalibur wouldn't have been enough for you either." She looks into my eyes solemnly, her eyes glistening. "It's a basic flaw of our race, James. Whatever we get, it's never enough."_

Even as I think back, I still can't find something to say to counter that, cos I hate to admit, but it's true. Like all those Christmases when you were a kid-you saw this great bike you could use in the summer and beg your parents for it because it's so cool, and they surprise you with it. Only when you get outside, you see someone pass by on a snowmobile and suddenly, the bike's not so cool anymore.

Or when you scream and shout for the last bagel with your older brother and you win the fight, but then your aunt comes in with chocolate chip muffins and your brother's laughing because he's the only one who's allowed one, and suddenly the bagel's not a victory anymore.

She's right. Nothing is ever enough. It's not because there's one particularly selfish child, but it's the same for everyone. Would Excalibur and Avalon been enough for Amanda? If she hadn't been able to return, would Excalibur have been such a triumphant find?

I'm still not sure why two adoptive and one biological parent isn't enough, but it's like she said-nothing is ever enough. Even if she got Lara, she'd want that cute guy who ignored her. Even if she got him, she'd want to go somewhere further, to have the perfect white wedding, to have a beautiful baby everyone would be jealous of, for that child to get straight As. This kind of selfishness doesn't die out as we progress into adulthood. If anything, it gets worse.

I was so cruel to Lara. Back then, it didn't feel so cruel, what felt cruel was my being sent to military school for it. What felt cruel was getting refusal for the simplest things because I hadn't been on top form. I never considered how much shit my father had gone through to keep the media quiet, what I put that poor girl through…

_I sigh and shudder as I relieve myself. She's shivering and crying silently. I climb off of her and pull up my pants as she rolls onto her side, showing me her bare arse. I step over her and crouch down beside her._

"_That's a mean bruise on your head there, La-whore," I say, touching it, knowing this will hurt her. She squirms but doesn't make an effort to move away. It wouldn't work-it didn't last time. "Tell me, why are you exchange students so goddamn irritating you drive us to do this? I'm a nice guy-just ask the bartender-but there's something about you that I just hate. Any theories?" She keeps on shaking, opening her mouth and a bit of sound comes out. "What's that?" More sound, but nothing comprehensible._

_I stand up and she gives a harsh jolt. She's really freaked. "Relax, I'm just getting some water," I assure her. "Sounds like you could use some with that dry throat." I walk into the kitchen and grab a glass to fill it up with water. When I get back I find La-whore hasn't moved an inch. I crouch down beside her again and press the glass to her lips. "Drink," I order. She opens her mouth, but nowhere near far enough. "You need some help?" She shakes her head and takes the glass. Hey, she's learning!_

_She tries to sit up, but is shaking too much. She presses the glass to her lips, but chokes as soon as the water passes into her mouth. Water sprays from her mouth all over the floor and she takes deep breaths, one hand by her throat. She's still shaking and starts another round of crying. Jesus Christ. She keeps her head bowed so I can only see her glossy brown hair twisted into a plait._

_I reach out and cup her chin, pulling her face towards me. I'm tempted to push it down if you get what I mean, but I restrain myself. It wouldn't be fair to her if it was just me feeling the pleasure. "Are you trying to tell me you didn't enjoy that, La-whore?" I sneer. "Cos it just surprises me when you probably lost your virginity with some random guy who told you you looked pretty in French. Is that true?" She tries to shake her head, but my hand's blocking it. I move it and see her shake her head. "Now that's just not true, is it, La-whore?"_

_I think about pressing her further, but I leave it. I'm just being cruel otherwise._

Sonofabitch, how did she not beat me? Back then, it didn't seem so horrible. I was so drunk I couldn't even tell I'd raped the wrong girl!

* * *

_Lara's POV_

How could I have been so stupid? Did I honestly think it'd work?

_Why not? You feel like everything else should have, why stop there?_

Why the hell did _he_ have to answer? I asked to talk to _Lily! _Couldn't that stupid bloody receptionist distinguish father and daughter? Saying that word makes me feel sick-father.

_Well, yeah, it would._

I specifically asked for Lily!

_But you got Rutland instead. Why didn't you just ask for Lily again?_

I lost my nerve! It had taken all day to gather the courage to call her and that-that _bastard_ answers!

_Life's a bitch._

She's even changed her name to Rutland…

_You should have seen that as a bad omen._

Why would she do that? There was nothing wrong with Wickets. At least that had a sort of ring to it! Lily Rutland just doesn't go.

_Well, what did you want her to do, be Lily Croft? That sounds even more stupid!_

But it wasn't, was it? It wouldn't have even been Lily Croft.

_Neither of them make much sense._

She should have stuck with Wickets.

_Well maybe if you'd been around, there wouldn't have been any confusion._

Deirdre and Terry Wickets. Those were her adoptive parents. Why didn't she keep their names, they raised her!

_And you gave birth to her, and Rutland conceived her. It would have had to have been Croft-Rutland-Wickets or something ridiculous like that._

But why take _his_ name? He wasn't even part of her life until I'm guessing three years ago!

_Maybe it's because he didn't reject her twice._

It's only been three years!

_She probably took the name Wickets when she was handed over!_

That's all right when they did it, she was legally 'theirs'.

_But she's also biologically 'his'._

She would have made a great Croft…

_Don't start this again…it was your choice to give her up both times-_

But it WASN'T! It wasn't fair the way it was done at all! I didn't even get a say!

_But you would have done it anyway…?_

Maybe I wouldn't have done.

_But you said being a mother was the worst time of your life._

Maybe I was just reflecting on the rape. That's all she was-just a reflection of that rapist. But she's so much more, I've seen her. She's a much better person than he could ever hope to be!

_But you didn't give her a chance, did you?_

I'm not screwing this up again!

I wheel over to the private line in my room, and check the scrap of paper I've kept beside my bed. I pick up the phone and nervously begin to dial…

* * *

_James's POV_

She's got her head in her hands, looking completely distressed. Man, I feel useless. I don't even know how to _start_ cheering her up-we're leaving tomorrow, but would that make things better or worse? She'd be away from Lara, but wouldn't that piss her off even more?

"Honey?" I say. She looks up. "Maybe you should turn your cell off?"

"Why would I do that?" she sighs. "See, that would make it harder for her to get through to me, which kinda eliminates the point of this thing being on all the time in the first place."

"She hasn't called yet, has she?"

"Uh, that's where you're wrong, James, because she did, she just freaked halfway through because it wasn't me who answered. You remember that?"

"Who's to say she wouldnt've hung up anyway?"

"Then what would have been the point?"

"I'm just saying she might have freaked anyhow."

"But we'll never know, will we?" She'd better not be starting this again. "I'm not blaming you, but I think I'll go crazy if I don't have something to hold on to."

"Lily, it's a false hope and from my experience, they're not the best things to hold on to."

"What else do I have?"

"Me? Your friends? Dee and Terry?" She looks back down at her cell, sighing sadly.

"James, I can't explain it, I-" She's cut off by the sound of a rock song coming from her cell phone. She gasps and checks the number. "You were gonna have me turn it off!" she says disbelievingly. "Hello?" Sonofabitch, is it really her? Her face falls. "What the hell do you want?" she says angrily.

My shoulders sag. This has gotta be tearing her apart. "_Nothing _is eating me!" she snaps. "Was there something you actually wanted or are you just adding to your hotel bill?"

"I don't care if it's your damn cell phone bill! Or if you're using the rest of your cash to make this call!" Her expression changes to one of total irritation. "You really want the directions? All right, you'll _get_ your damn directions! Basically, you follow the road until you reach a big house that says 'Croft Manor'! Do you think you can do that without swerving off into a ditch!"

"There is _nothing_ bothering me. Did you get all that?"

"Good!" she snaps, snapping her cell phone shut. I blink and look awkwardly to the side.

"So," I say breezily. "Who was that?"

"No-one important," she mutters, walking past me. "I'm going to my room."

She slams the door behind her so hard I swear some dust comes from the ceiling! In her rush and anger, she's left her cell behind. Without thinking, I wander over to it and search through her 'call' list. She's been talking to someone for a while-she even met up with 'em but she's never said anything about them. It better not be a British boyfriend, because I am _not_ paying for her to fly back and forth to see him!

On the most recent one is a number labelled 'private'. Interesting.

I select it and press redial. I put the phone to my ear and wait for the person to pick up. "You feeling a little guilty there, Sweetcheeks?" I hear an American voice say breezily. My eyes widen. Who the _hell_ is this! "Lily? You there?" I snap the phone shut, really freaked.

All right, who the-where's her room again?

I knock on the door. "What do you want, James?" she calls.

"You gotta open the door, Lily," I remind her. I hear footsteps and her head pokes around the door.

"What's-" she begins, and stops as I hold out her cell. "Oh. Did I leave it there?" I nod. "Huh. Didn't think I could forget this thing," she mutters, pocketing it. "Okay, thanks." I jam my foot in the door. "What?"

"Who's the guy who calls you Sweetcheeks?" Her eyes widen.

"How did you-?" she gasps. "Did you go through my cell?" I nod defiantly. "Why?"

"Because you're not telling me anything! How else am I supposed to find anything out?"

"That doesn't give you the right go through my cell!" she snaps.

"Who is he?"

"A friend," she mutters.

"Oh really? What's he doing here? When did you meet him?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"Yes, he is a friend, we met in Bolivia," she explains. "I don't know why he was there."

"And why's he here?"

"We got a mutual interest." My eyes widen again, my arms unfold. Has she slept with him? "Not that!" she giggles, reading my face. "Lara."

"What does he want with Lara?"

"Personal reasons, apparently. Mine were the same, so I didn't wanna press."

"And who is he?"

"No-one you know," she sighs, sitting down on the bed again.

"Just tell me his name," I sigh.

"It won't-"

"Lily!"

"Leave it, James. My God, why are you getting all obsessive?"

"Because I'm getting so sick of you not telling me anything!" I snap. She looks surprised.

"James-" she begins.

"Screw this!" I sigh, walking out and slamming the door behind me. Let her _have_ her secrets! It just means she's got something to hide, something I might not help her with…

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Engaged. It was engaged. I try to call her for the second time in two days, and it was bloody _engaged! _Are we destined to never talk to each other again!

A huge weight places itself on my chest, my throat feels strained, my eyes feel leaky. I place a hand on my forehead to support myself as I begin to cry. Everything's gone so bloody wrong!

I find out it was my old best friend who sent my mother to Avalon, my past comes back to haunt me in the form of Lily, I lay eyes on the man who destroyed me all those years ago, I lose the feeling in my legs…and I don't think any of this will ever come back.

My best friend betrayed me so I can never forgive her, my mother may as well be dead, I can't make amends with my daughter, I can't confront the monster from university and while the numbness has been subsiding, my private physiotherapist doesn't think they'll ever return to the full strength they were last time. No amount of exercise will undo the extensive damage done on that night.

_So basically, you're buggered._

What can I do? The most I could have done was translate the scrolls.

_So why can't you?_

I had a huge fight with Alister…

_You're still his employer. He'll still have to work with you._

But what if there's another way out? I can't be bound to the library for the rest of my life, I can't! I was never very skilled in that sort of thing. I know archaeology, I know of old cultures, I can learn languages but can I create one?

_It would be difficult. Near impossible._

That was always Alister's area of expertise.

_And yours was going to find the places yourself._

Well I can't do that anymore, can I! I'm screwed because of that stupid son of a bitch who ran into me! What can I do? I can't stay in and just translate-that's what graduate students are for!

_There is one thing you haven't considered…_

What else is there!

_I think you know…_

Am I that desperate?

_It would be over. You wouldn't have to deal with any of this again!_

Isn't that the coward's way out?

_Maybe, but is wanting it all to be over really cowardly or brave for taking that plunge?_

I shouldn't be reduced to this. I was so strong. Before-before-

_What? What changed? Your legs? Lily? Realising the identity of your rapist?_

All of this. Before all of this. I was fine!

_But you were alone._

I had Winston.

_For the rare occasion you were home._

Then Zip and Alister. Jean-Pierre, Von Croy-

_Because he was so great._

He was a good friend.

_The only times you worked with him ended in tragedy. The same goes for everyone you worked with!_

Why does this have to be it? I'm not ready to give up…

_What do you have to live for, really? Finding your mother in Avalon? You could do that anyway._

But I've never considered it before!

_Haven't you? Wasn't it always there? This just unleashed it-this was what drove you over the edge._

I'm not…over the-edge…

_But you are, aren't you? You don't have anyone to talk to-Winston's too much a butler, Zip while being a good confidante isn't great with feelings, Alister's being a bastard and you can't get through to Lily._

If she'd even want to talk to me. I've been such a bitch to her. It wasn't her fault.

_Who's always the best person to talk to when you're desperate?_

Your mother usually, but I never had that. I'm used to it.

_But isn't it getting to you?_

It would get to anyone.

_All you want in the world is to talk to her and see her again, right?_

Of course, but it's impossible!

_Is it? You don't lack the means. Nor the motive._

This is crazy. I'm arguing with a voice in my head about committing suicide!

_Now you've lost your sanity. What else is there?_

The race.

_Of what? Being the first to find Avalon? But that's not true, is it? Amanda's known for ages._

The thrill of getting there.

_There you _do_ lack the means. Well, not entirely. There's always another way, Lara. Do you have the strength?_

No. I definitely do not.

_Well, in this case, the strength is the weakness and you have that._

I'm not weak…

_No. You have the strength to get what you want. What happened to the girl who stopped at nothing? Even if that nothing means death? Or desperation? Just a few seconds and the pull of a trigger, it'll be done._

They'd hear me.

_But then it would be done. You'd be past the point of no return. It'd be over._

I'm not that desperate!

_One more setback, you'll be reaching for that knife you display in the next room…_

The Dagger of Xian?

_It said that the one who had the courage to plunge it deep into their hearts would gain ultimate power. What if that ultimate power were ultimate peace…_

* * *

Oh! I think I must have fallen asleep. I don't remember going to bed last night…where am I? 

I look around and spot loads of gymnastic equipment, climbing frames, a swimming pool. Did I fall asleep in the gym? Christ, I'm really not with it.

"Lady Croft? Is everything all right?" Winston asks.

"Fine, Winston," I say, trying to convince myself more than him.

"It is now quarter past twelve, Lady Croft."

"Is it?" I say vaguely. "I suppose I'll be getting to bed."

"Would you require any-"

"I'll be fine, Winston. Thank you." I make an effort to smile as I wheel past him. He smiles back. At least his is genuine.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow…I've got my first date tonight in almost two years, so you can understand if I'm a bit nervous! I don't want to sound like a teenage girl, but what the _hell_ do I wear!

"Dude, you okay in there?" Zip shouts through my door. I made the very stupid mistake of telling Zip. He was laughing, congratulated me then offered to help. I'm that desperate I took it!

"No I'm not okay!" I snap.

"Jeez, I hope _she's_ not on her period or that restaurant would explode," Zip mutters. I poke my head around the door.

"I asked you for help, Zip, not sarcastic comments! God knows, I'm paying you enough!"

"Then consider the sarcastic comments complimentary!"

"I don't need to pay for them," I sigh. He smirks.

"Okay, you got anything that looks _remotely _normal?"

"Like what?" I demand.

"Like a sweater that doesn't have those stupid stripes down 'em, damnit this isn't the sixties!"

"What about-"

"Or those cheap designer imitations!"

"Then what is there, Zip?" I snap. "Help me!"

"Well let me see your closet." I sigh, and pull him in. "Well this is cosy," he smirks.

"I think I'll stand outside." Zip laughs and starts looking through the racks.

"Oh man, this is beautiful!" he gasps, holding out a plain blue sweatshirt.

"What about it?"

"You could wear this, it looks okay. Wait, where are you going?"

"Um, that Italian place in town."

"Okay, scratch that!" He throws the sweater out. It lands on my head.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's way too casual for a place like that!" he says obviously. He's scarily accurate at fashions-I'm really starting to wonder about him. "Wait-have you thought about a tux?"

"A bloody _what!_"

"Well, come on, it's gonna be a posh restaurant."

"Zip, you may find this ridiculous, but I'd been hoping to _not_ show her my geeky side yet."

"Yeah, you're right, forget the tux. Though if you're worried about being geeky, I'm not sure why you're going in the first place-"

"One more word from you and you're out, deal off!" I warn.

"Sorry, it's just so easy," he smirks. "So, what would impress a nurse? Hmm…" I'm really starting to regret asking for his help now! I can never tell if he's being sarcastic or not! "What about this red shirt? Man, did you just forget about it or something?"

"Which one?" I ask. He holds out a red shirt. Hmm…that one's actually quite nice. Why _did_ I never wear it before? I take it from his hands and press it up against myself. It looks like it would still fit.

"Does it still fit?" I shrug and pull off my white shirt. "Looks quite snug," Zip mocks as I pull the other one around my shoulders.

"Piss off," I mutter. He gasps, laughing, mumbling 'chill!'

"Well give me a twirl." I turn to face him. "Very nice. You should stick with it-and I don't just mean tonight." I shake my head. "Okay, the only thing I'd recommend is not buttoning it up to the top."

"Why, I don't think I'd get too hot," I say puzzled.

"No, it just looks stupid." I sigh, and unbutton the top two buttons. Zip twists his hands in front of him, an unsure expression on his face. I unbutton the third. He sticks his thumbs up. "Okay, you got some pants?"

"I figured I'd just wear jeans."

"And undermine _that_ shirt?" he says dramatically. "No, no, you can't wear jeans with that. You need something a little smarter."

"What about the ones I have on now?"

"They're okay, they're just a little-"

"What?"

"Crap." I sigh again.

"Well, you've been the fashion expert. That's what I'm paying you for."

"And I thought this would be the easiest fifty bucks I made," he mutters.

"Pounds," I correct.

"Whatever."

"Any colour recommendations?"

"Black definitely. What about these?" He holds out a pair of black trousers like-well, like the ones I have on now. They're identical!

"Zip, they're just like the ones I have on now!"

"Sure they're not. They're a little smarter-just what you need for this. Come on, try 'em." He hands them to me.

"Do you mind giving me a little privacy first?"

"Just use the closet, I'll wait outside."

"It's too small!"

"Don't be such a pussy, just get in there!"

"Maybe you should go in there and close the door," I suggest.

"I don't want to, it'd be like invading your private space."

"Which is why you've been rummaging in there for the past half hour or so?"

"Will you just get in there?"

"No it's my room and I think _you _should get in there!" We hear a small cough coming from the hallway. Oh crap…

"Hey, Lara," Zip says awkwardly. She gives us both a questioning look. (A/N dear God, what must she have heard...)

"Is there something going on between you two because I'm really starting to wonder," she says looking serious.

"Nope, nothing," Zip laughs looking mock guilty. She smiles but I try not to take any notice.

"You're looking very smart, Alister," she comments.

"Well I have a date tonight." She looks surprised.

"With who?"

"Marina." She frowns in confusion. "From the hospital."

"Oh. And what role do you play in this, Zip?"

"I'm his dresser," Zip explains. "I think fifty pounds is a very reasonable price for that job." She nods, smiling.

"So when's the big date?"

"In about an hour." Zip answers for me. Lara looks to me.

"Blimey, I thought only women took so long to prepare!"

"Well you wouldn't really remember, would you, Lara. I mean it's been so long," I retort. Both her and Zip look taken aback by this, but I don't care.

"Dude, what was that for?" Zip asks.

"Thanks for all the help, Zip," I answer, not taking my eyes off Lara. I hand him the fifty I owe him. "But I think I will wear these trousers. I'm sure this outfit will be good enough for Marina." I turn away from them.

"Oh because you don't expect it to stay on long, you mean? Don't flatter yourself," Lara says nastily. I turn back to her, anger rising inside me.

"Alister, Alister!" Zip interrupts. "Calm down, okay?" I retreat. "Have I missed something here?" I open my mouth to respond when-

"Absolutely not, Zip," Lara assures him, throwing me a fake smile. "We've never been better, have we, Alister?"

"Of course not, Lara," I lie, giving her a fake smile. Zip looks from me to her and to me again. He sighs and walks out. "Do you actually want something, Lara?" She doesn't say anything, so I ignore her and go over to the bed. She doesn't try to follow me. Good.

I come out with the new trousers on. I think I actually look pretty good. I hope Marina appreciates it. Of course she will-she's that sort of girl. When I come out, I see Lara with her head hanging, hands on her lap. "What is it, Lara?"

She looks up and I see her eyes moist with tears again. In that instant, what I'd have loved to have done before was go over to her and comfort her, pull her into my arms. But I stay put. "They dropped the case," she mutters.

"Who did? What case?"

"The police. They dropped the case."

"What case?"

"The hit-and-run, Alister! The reason you hear a loud squeaky wheel every time I approach you!" I shrug.

"Did they say why?" I say breezily. She shakes her head.

"They claim lack of evidence. I don't see what lacks."

"Well did they explain it?"

"They tried."

"Maybe you just didn't understand," I mumble.

"But that's not the point, is it, Alister? I couldn't give a shit about the hit-and-run but-"

"Oh I understand. You don't feel so important anymore, do you? Like you're not top of their lists anymore? Is that what's bothering you?" She looks straight into my eyes. I'm right. I must have hit a nerve.

"Why are you being such a prick?" she asks sadly.

"I'm a prick to you because I'm telling you a few home truths, Lara," I say calmly.

"What was it?" she says out of the blue.

"What?"

"At the hospital, when I was telling you about the form because I had 'nothing to live for, you said that if there was nothing else, then there was this'. What was it?"

"Why are you asking?"

"What was it?" she repeats.

"It was nothing."

"Alister, can't you see I'm losing it! I'm desperate to hold onto something, _anything_ so if you ever loved me like I think you did, you will tell me," she says thickly. The trouble is, Lara, you're right-I didn't love you the way you thought I did. It was so much more. You just couldn't see it. There were times I felt I had nothing to live for because I couldn't have you…and in the end, you weren't it. There is no fixed salvation-you have to find it yourself.

"It doesn't matter, Lara," I say quietly. "There is nothing to live for in this bitch of a life. Don't you understand that?"

"Screw you, Alister!" she snaps, making me jump in shock. "I don't fucking need you! You're fired!"

"Whatever, Lara," I mutter. "I'd love to stay and discuss this, but I have a social life. Bye!" I walk out then change my mind. "You want to come downstairs? I'm sure Winston would be willing to listen to your sympathy pleas."

"Piss off." I shrug.

"Well I want you out of my room. Who knows, I may be expecting company." I hear her emit a frustrated sigh and she wheels herself out. She gives me one last look before wheeling away again.

"Tell Alister I want him back," I hear her say. "Rutland!" That bloody-no, no, I'm going to ignore her. Going after her would give her the impression her opinion matters.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Zip and Winston waved Alister off as he drove to Marina's apartment. It's like he's moving out or getting married. I wish he was, then I wouldn't have to put up with him! He's been a total bastard recently-you heard him. What the hell happened to him?

What the hell happened to _me?_ I never used to let myself be bothered by shit like that. Not that he was ever like that before, but I can't imagine myself getting this wound up about it five years ago.

Is it the wheelchair? Has my emotional stability been completely sabotaged as well as my physical? Or was I already insecure since my past came back to haunt me? I'd not broken down (at least in front of anyone) often before she found me. The day before I was determined to begin another adventure to find my mother, and I end up _being_ the mother, spilling all her secrets to someone who I had considered one of my closest friends, but I guess I was wrong.

Did I rely too much on Alister before? Was he just getting tired of having to be sympathetic towards me? Did I just wear him down? He'd spent all that time with me at the hospital…he collected me, he stayed with me and that's where it all fucked up…

Sitting in this wheelchair, I feel so utterly useless to anyone-especially myself. Perhaps I'd never let it out before because there was nothing _to_ let out because I'd worked it all away in the gym. Isn't that where I always went if it got too much? I even ended up there last night, despite my inability to use it.

_That knife isn't looking so hostile now, is it?_

There has to be _something _to live for!

_There never really is, sweetheart. It's a sad but certain fact of life._

What about-what about…

_What is there? Face it, Lara, you've lived your life. There's nothing left. Give up._

But if I'd given up all those times before-

_Whatever, you'd be dead anyway. Being strong isn't never giving up, it's being brave enough to admit defeat…to surrender at the right time before more damage is done._

What more damage is there to be done?

_You're losing it, Lara-any longer like this, you'll go insane. At least if you do it now, it'll be in dignity._

Since when has suicide ever been dignified?

_When you know it's time…_

Surely if it was time, you'd already be dead?

_And who decides when it's time?_

Well…God, maybe.

_After everything that's happened, you really still believe in him? You _know_ it's time, Lara. Everyone knows when it's their time…it's not having the strength to do it that stops them._

I don't have the strength.

_You do, you know it. You have the strength, the means, the motive. What's stopping you?_

I'm scared. What if I miss something? Something really important?

_You admitted yourself there's nothing to miss._

Lily-

_What about her? You've tried to get through to her twice, neither of them successful…what more signs do you want? The last thing you had to cling onto has basically been disconnected._

I can try again!

_How many times until you give up, Lara? You'll agonise yourself to death if you do this!_

I don't care. I'm going to call her. She'll listen, I know she will, she's strong, she's mature. She'll listen-she has to!

_On your own head be it._

I reach for the phone again and dial her mobile number from memory. I've only tried it once, but I've looked at that scrap so many times a fish would have it memorised by now!

Please, Lily, pick up. Please pick up, please…

* * *

_Lily's POV_

"This is the last call for boarding for flight 236 to JFK New York. Repeat, this is the last call for flight 236 to JFK New York departing at Gate 14."

"Lily, come on, we gotta go, or we will actually miss it!" James says, getting up.

"Just two more minutes!" I beg, staring at my cell.

"Lia, if we don't leave now, we will be the first people in history to have missed a flight when we were at the damn gate!"

"They wouldn't take off without you, James, we got first class tickets!"

"Which makes it better for them to rip us off! Lily, come on, damnit!" I sigh. Was I being completely deluded thinking she'd call again?

Reluctantly, I press the 'off' button of my cell. If she was gonna call, she'd have done it by now, right? Besides, just because I was in America doesn't mean she can't call me. She knows I'm there-she must if she called me once.

The screen goes blank and I put my cell in my carry-on. James smiles at me, but I just can't right now. We go through the gate and walk up to the plane. He puts his arm round me sympathetically and smiles down at me. I manage to smile back, but I can't help thinking this is the end of the chapter. Now I really do have to move on.

Good-bye, Lara.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"_The mobile phone you have called is switched off," _the automatic voice declares. _"Please hang up."_ I throw the phone down on the floor with a frustrated shriek. She's gone, isn't she? She must have been at the airport or even the plane! I called the hotel one last time, and they said that they'd departed two hours before. She's gone. Everything's gone…

My mother, my father, my best friend, now my daughter…

_It finally got through to you then?_

I could get my parents back…

_...if you did it._

I could be with them…forever, in Avalon.

_Yes, you could._

There's nothing for me here.

_No._

But I can't just kill myself! What am I even thinking!

_Are you desperate enough?_

I don't know…

_Are you lonely enough?_

I'm lonely, yes, but-

_There is no other way, Lara. You could do it tonight. Alister's out, Zip's downstairs with Winston. You'd have the whole top floor to yourself._

I will, won't I?

_You'd have all the privacy in the world…literally._

My eyes trace the wall, scanning for the tell-tale dark spot that indicated where my main treasure room is. That's where I keep it.

My main tool for my biggest adventure yet-ultimate peace…

* * *

_Author's POV_

They arrive at the restaurant promptly at eight pm, right on time for their reservation. She's wearing an elegant red dress, he is donning the red designer shirt and smart black trousers.

"Please follow me to your table, sir," the waiter says in a deep Italian accent. The pair look at each other, and try to contain smiles as the waiter almost has a head-on collision with a busboy. The waiter starts shouting bloody murder at the poor busboy, until he finally dismisses him…for good.

"I must apologise," the waiter says politely. "Madam, if you would like to take this seat here?" He pulls up the chair and offers her his hand.

"Why, thank you," she replies in a Cockney accent, clearly relishing the efficiency of service as he pushes her chair in.

"And, sir?" the waiter offers. He takes his seat and automatically moves to push his own chair in, and nearly falls out when it starts moving on its own accord! She laughs, though not in a nasty way. It's a contagious laugh-just like Lara's.

No, he won't think of her tonight. Not that way ever again. He's with a beautiful, talented woman, and he's not going to blow that by pondering.

"Can I get your drinks?"

"White wine spritzer," she orders.

"No, no, make that a bottle of your finest champagne," he says. The waiter nods, looking gleeful. It wasn't often he found someone dumb enough to order their highly overpriced champagne! It was always the ones who were besotted, the waiter though to himself.

"You're splashing out, aren't you?" she says, sounding surprised.

"I don't know why you're surprised, Marina. Any man would be mad not to!" She exhales in thanks, muttering 'that's really sweet'.

The waiter returns, lighting a candle upon his departure. She looks even more beautiful, Alister thinks, as the flames dance their shadows on her face.

* * *

She strikes a match, and lights the first of many candles. She won't be having any electricity tonight, she tells herself. She'd rather have the candles burning about her, their aromatic smells wafting up her nose until the entire room is subdued in the perfume of various different scents, each smelling as sweet as the next. They relax her. She feels more comfortable with their constant flickering than the continuous circuit of an electric bulb. They feel more…natural. 

She turns to the last candle, the one she has been saving. The biggest candle, its scent reminding her of what she lost. Yet it's her favourite. It's the one she's been saving for almost twenty years.

She strikes the last match and ceremoniously lights it. Despite its age, its aroma hasn't worn away, and as she sits there in semi-darkness, the scent of a fresh water lily overwhelms the room…

* * *

They smile at each other awkwardly across the table. The waiter had just presented her with a bouquet that was 'courtesy of the gentleman', only it turned out she had hay fever, and was apparently especially allergic to those particular flowers, leaving him embarrassed. 

"How were you meant to know?" she'd kept trying to reassure him, only it would have been much more convincing were her eyes not watering at the time!

* * *

Her eyes are beginning to water from all the dust of the perfumes, but she doesn't care. She's not even sure if it's the candles making her eyes water. It could just be plain desperation. 

She walks slowly over to her stereo and switches it on to her favourite CD. She's never admitted it, but this song has always been one of her most-loved ones-My Heart Will Go On, by Celine Dion.

'_Every night in my dreams/ I see you/ I feel you/ That is how I know you…go on

* * *

_

As the slow song begins to play, she eyes the dance floor with all the other couples already dancing close. "Do you want to dance?" she asks him. He looks unsure. But one look of smiling pleading from her breaks him. Besides, it's fitting.

He stands up and offers her his hand. She takes it gracefully, and as they reach the dance floor, they place their arms around each other, feeling a bit awkward, but they soon sink into it until they're completely relaxed. She lays her head on his shoulder.

'_Far across the distance/ And spaces/ Between us/ You have come to show you…go on

* * *

_

She sinks onto the bed sheets, staining them with her tears. She never thought she'd sink so low, she'd be so desperately lost…that there really was no other way out.

'_Near, far/ Wherever you are/ I believe that the heart does…go on

* * *

_

'_Once more/ You open the door/ And you're here in my heart, and/ My heart will…go on and on'_

Closer they dance, manoeuvering gracefully across the floor, perfectly in time to the music...

'_Love can touch us one time/ And last for…a life time/ And never let go till…

* * *

_

'…_we're gone/ Love was when I loved you/ One true time/ I hold to/_

The irony of the words not penetrating her clouded mind, she picks up the large, silver and gold dagger, one of her earlier conquests. She fingers the blade up and down, as though testing sharpness. She presses the cold steel against her wrist, memories of nineteen years ago, flooding back, when she'd been just as desperate…

* * *

'_In my life we'll always…go on' _

They gaze at the other couples around them, each one looking adoringly into their partner's eyes. They look at each other, not able to contain smiles, when they find themselves trying to squash every particle of air between them…

* * *

'_Near, far/ Wherever you are'_

No turning back. This was it, the moment of truth. She rolls up her left sleeve, shivering and crying, but telling herself to be strong. This is what she wants, what she needs!

She holds the Dagger over her left wrist…

'_I believe…' _

…and slashes.

* * *

'…_that the heart does…go on/ Once more, you open the door…'_

He spins her around, and they begin to move rhythmically to the music once again, both really starting to enjoy themselves, and each other's company…

'…_and you're here/ In my heart, and/ My heart will…go on and on'

* * *

_

She looks at her bloodied left wrist, taking it all in. What had she done…no, she can't stop, she can't stop. She slashes one more time, sobbing hysterically as she does it.

When the pain becomes too intense, she holds up her left wrist in front of her face, and gasps. Light shades of grey begin clouding her vision, her legs feel like jelly. Her breathing increases heavily, and finally surrendering, she collapses…

* * *

'_You're…here/ There's nothing I fear/ And I know…'_

He pulls her close to him, her head on his shoulder again.

'_That my heart will…go on'

* * *

_

As though a wind was blowing in the room, the candles extinguish one by one, soon throwing the room in complete darkness, save the moon, its silver beam illuminating the figure in white, with splashes of crimson on her gown, her forehead. What it doesn't reveal is the horrific stigmata-resembling wound on her left wrist, still bleeding heavily…

* * *

'_We'll…stay/ Forever this way/ You are safe/ In my heart and/ My heart will go on and on'_

They look into each other's eyes again, except this time it's not so funny. Her pulse increases, his breathing quickens. But they both want it…and they know it.

She closes her eyes, he leans down toward her, and their lips meet, fulfilling all those desires they have for each other. He brings his arms to her back as he deepens the kiss, she responds with placing her arms around his neck.

Even as the song finishes and the other couples depart, those two are left standing there, oblivious to anything else except them and their moment. They are frozen in time as they continue kissing passionately…

…whereas only miles away, lies the one who unknowingly stole his heart, her own pumping one more millilitre of blood from her fragile body every second…

* * *

_Hehehe (that's supposed to be an evil laugh) well you know the routine, my dears...review and you get to see if she survives or not-will be issuing tissues for all my lovely reviewers and the custom chocolates and plushies (except to Team-chaser whose extensive collection has bruised me! You still get chocs tho!) LOLX!_


	12. Sweet Dreams

_Disclaimer: Crystal Dynamics barred me from the building, so I've decided to annoy Eidos instead for ownership. Watch this space..._

_k: Aw, thanks again lolx I had a lot of fun writing it as well!_

_Team-chaser: Yay, someone thought it was sad yet brilliantly written...! BTW the absence of your threats has been duly noted and, honestly, missed...but I did update faster this time! Oh and one last thing...Marina's not in this chapter, so u can put that extra-big, extra stuffed plushie away now...lolx_

_The Third Demi-God: You sounded very confused...not sure if that's good or not. Anyways, read on and thou shalt see if thy prayers have been answered...lolx thanx 4 da review_

_Timeless4Life: So you didn't fall off the earth and land in a big black hole...would be fun tho...I know I'm evil, but don't take it out on the computer! Glad you reviewed again lolx

* * *

__Alister's POV_

This is surreal. It's literally like I've gone back in time…back to the worst moments of my life.

It was only last week when I was here, sitting, waiting, hoping…and feeling more terrified than I thought possible. It was the last thing I expected when I returned home from a great evening…

I'd walked back into the house, feeling ridiculously happy because I'd had such a good time with Marina. I got a bit pissed to tell you the truth, and for no reason at all I decided I needed to sober up before going to bed. My luck being my luck, guess who should walk in on me?

"_Hey, Alister," Zip says groggily. I look at him from behind the huge milk carton. His confusion is written all over his face. "You missing the breast, huh?" he smirks. I put the carton down and shoot him one of my best glares. Zip snorts and then goes and does the same thing!_

"_Yeah, yeah, very funny, I'm very lonely without my mother's comfort at night."_

"_No, I was just thinking you'd found a new love for cows," I say. He nods._

"_Yeah, that's not so stupid," he mutters. "So, it's midnight, that means she doesn't hate you, but you're back here, drinking milk. What went wrong, buddy?"_

_I shake my head. "I think we got so pissed we would have accused the other of taking advantage the next morning." He nods in understanding. "That's it, Zip."_

"_So there was no other reason?" he says flirtatiously._

"_Remind to not be in the same as you alone." He raises his hands in surrender._

"_Whatever, dude. You'll see it one day."_

"_I'm going." He puts a hand on my shoulder and stops me._

"_I'm kidding, Alister. Jeez, learn to take a joke, will you?" I raise my eyebrows at him. "Sooo-" he says awkwardly. "Is your sister hot?"_

"_Don't even-"_

"_Kidding, dude! She's your sister-that's enough for me."_

"_Be glad that I'm pissed," I mutter._

"_Or you'd kick my arse?"_

"_I just can't kick straight now." He snorts in laughter._

"_Great comeback. So seriously, it went okay?"_

"_Yeah, I think it did," I nod. "She didn't slap me at the end or threaten me with a restraining order." Zip gives me an odd look. "I am _never_ telling you that story."_

"_Damnit!" he curses. "Guess I gotta get you even more pissed."_

"_Zip no amount of alcohol-spiked or otherwise-would make me surrender that story."_

"_What about ecstasy?"_

"_No!"_

"_I'll find something!"_

"_Then you'll be very frustrated and no longer the eligible bachelor you claim to be." He shrugs._

"_Hey, what do you mean 'claim?'" he demands._

"_Talk about a slow reaction," I mutter. He shakes his head. "So what have you been doing?"_

"_I dunno about Lara, but me and Winston have been watching a thriller marathon of James Bond movies." I nod impressively. "What?"_

"_You geek!" I laugh._

"_Wow, did you really outdo me on the social count? I must be losing my touch!" I snort with laughter. "Hey, that reminds me, we haven't seen Lara all evening."_

"_She's probably in her room sulking," I mutter._

"_Is there something going on between you? Because you are being a real dick towards her right now." I shrug._

"_It's just an argument got out of hand. Nothing serious."_

"_Dude, I'd be more than happy to believe you if you hadn't just said what you did. _Or _if I hadn't heard what I did this afternoon! You actually told her there was nothing to live for! Have you not noticed how depressed she's been?"_

_I shrug. "I haven't really noticed."_

"_You must be blind, dude. Or emotionally detached."_

"_Like her, you mean."_

"_All right, that's it, I've had enough of this!" he snaps. "Sort this out, Alister! I don't know what the hell went on between you, but I'm getting really tired of it!"_

"_She fired me."_

"_She-what?"_

"_She fired me, so I can do pretty much as I like."_

"_Why did she fire you? Were you being a prick to her after I left?" I shrug. "You know you'll have to move out now?"_

"_What do you care?"_

"_Oh come on, I'll miss you! I won't have anyone to take the pi-valuable advice from!" I raise my eyebrows again. "Come on, dude, you can sort this out. She'll take you back. She loves you, man."_

"_What?" I whip round._

"_You're like her best friend." I sigh._

"_Why has everyone been saying that to me today?"_

"_Cos it's true. And like who?"_

"_It doesn't matter." Why does that always get to me? "But she sounded pretty final, Zip."_

"_Trust me, she'll take you back. She probably doesn't even remember it." I sigh. "Go to her tomorrow."_

"_Why don't I go right now?"_

"_Cos it's like half midnight."_

"_She'll be awake, I can guarantee you," I say, pushing past him._

"_Alister!" I ignore him and press on. He wants me to apologise, she'll get the apology! Show her how committed I am! Actually going to her in the middle of the night!_

_I crash up the stairs, banging down the hallway leading to her room. I push the door open, and see a few dying candles. Did Zip lie to me because it definitely looks like she's had company tonight. The bed sheets are all rumpled! She's not actually on the bed, though._

"_Lara?" I whisper. "I came to say I've been a prick and-where the hell are you!" I walk further into her room, scanning the area near her bed. My eyes spot a dribble of blood on the bed. What hap-oh nooo…_

_Fear rises inside my heart, panic throws itself into my system. On the right side of her bed lies a figure in white, with brown hair, fringe bathed in blood…_

"_Shit!" I shout, running up to her, and turning her over to face me properly. There's a line of blood running down her left cheek, coming from-what the-where did that wound come from? "Lara! Lara, wake up, please!" Without thinking, I tug at my sleeve until it rips. I bandage it around the horrific wound, stopping the blood flow._

_It was still pumping out, she must be alive. "Lara? Lara, please," I beg. I cradle her on my lap. "Lara?"_

_Zip comes running in. His eyes widen at the sight. "Alister, what-?"_

"_Call her doctor! Or an ambulance or something!" He stays still. "Zip!" He jumps to it, running out of the room. I pick her up in my arms._

"_Lara, please," I beg. "What happened?" My eyes drift to the left and I spot a dagger. "Did you do this to yourself? Lara, why? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell anyone?" I sob, hugging her close. "Why?"_

"_Was I such a prick to you? Did you honestly think I wouldn't listen?" I try to ignore the small voice in my head telling me otherwise. "I-" Go on, say it. "I-I love you…please, Lara, I love you so much! Don't die, you can't give up! You've come too far! You've come too far! I love you…" _

I froze after that. I was lying there, stroking the top of her head, when I thought I felt a small movement, but I must have imagined it and I just stayed frozen. She hasn't woken up. I've been by her bedside since. It's now Saturday-she's been out for near two days.

The doctor thinks she'll wake up fairly soon, as she fainted through exhaustion-she's not in another coma…thank God. He says her body's got enough fluids to keep her alive without external aid, but if she doesn't wake up by tomorrow, he'll have to have her moved to the hospital. Tell the truth, it was his first suggestion, but I didn't want Lara waking up with drips and tubes around her again! It's not what she deserves.

What am I talking about, none of this is! She truly is an outstanding woman, whose probably done more in one year than most people have in two lifetimes! She doesn't deserve _any_ of this shit! Which is why I'm so pissed at myself right now for being such a prick! I love her! Why did I treat her so badly, I could see she was falling, reaching for help…and I ignored her.

_Lara's POV_

"_Lara, have you found any wood for the fire?" my mother calls. I pretend not to hear her as I come closer to the monument. I touched one a moment ago and it opened up, with a green ball of light coming out._

_I walk closer to the sword in the stone. "Lara?" my mother calls again. I look behind, but I can't see her. Taking a deep breath, I reach out and nudge the sword._

_Immediately, it goes deeper into the stone, twisting. The ground lights up with green liquid running through the grooves. "Lara, what have you-get away from there!" mother cries, pulling me out of the circle, just as a big barrier flies over our heads._

"_What is that?" mother asks._

"_There's something in the light," I point out._

"_Stay here," she tells me, then walking towards the light. "Yes? Who are you, what do you want?" There's a loud, strange noise coming from the light, I couldn't possibly describe what it sounds like. "What about my daughter?"_

_Fear rises up inside my chest, as I realise; "Don't touch the sword!" I shout._

"_You stay away from her, she meant no harm!" mother says in a demanding yet pleading tone._

"_Take out the sword!" Amanda shouts to my right._

"_What? No!" I shout. "Mother, mother listen to me-"_

_She looks scared. "Mother what is it, who's there?" I ask fearfully._

"_Oh God," she shouts, pulling the sword out._

_There's a huge flash of light. I put my arms up in front of my face to stop it blinding me. When it dims, I look up. "Mother?" I call. "Mother!"_

"_Mother, mother listen to me!" I beg._

"_It'll explode unless you pull out the sword!" Amanda shouts. Mother screams and pulls the sword out the other end._

"_NO!" I shout. Realising what's about to happen, I spin around and jump away from the portal, landing with a heavy blow, the sword right by my head._

"_You _idiot!_" Amanda shrieks. "You ruined everything!" I rise, and brandish one of my pistols. _

"_All these years I blamed myself," I say as calmly as I can. "And it was _you! _You killed her!" I declare, aiming a pistol at her head._

"_Killed her?" Amanda exclaims. "She's not dead! She went where I was supposed to go-where you _could _have gone!" she says angrily. How dare she-_

"_Make sense right this second or I swear I'll execute you where you stand!"_

"_I told you to pull out the sword, I _told _you-"_

_I fire, just missing her. "Where-BANG-is-BANG-my-BANG-mother!"_

"_Avalon!" Amanda shrieks. "It's not a myth, don't you get it?" I frown, pondering whether to believe her or not. "You'll never understand," she says. "I'm wasting my breath." With that, my full anger returns, and I press the gun right up against her head._

_An image of my mother comes to mind. I can't-she wouldn't like what I've become. I turn away, but can't resist smashing her over the head with my pistol. She's knocked out cold. "From this moment," I whisper. "Your every breath is a gift from me."_

_I turn away to face the portal again. It's still shining. What the-_

"_Mother?" I call. "Mother!"_

"_Mother, mother listen to me!"_

"_There's something in the light."_

"_Mother? It's Lara, your daughter."_

"_Mother, what is it, who's there?"_

"_Don't touch the sword!"_

"_Mother!"_

My eyes snap open, blinking a few times. Where-what-?

I prop myself up on my left elbow, surprised to feel a sharp pain going through my wrist. I gasp in pain and collapse again. My eyes flicker upwards and I see someone by my side. Someone with dark hair-black…father?

"Lara?" he says. Alister-it's Alister. Why's he here? What's going on?

"Alister, what's going on?" I say dazedly.

"Don't you remember?" I shake my head. Or try to, but my neck cramps up. His eyes move down to my left wrist. I follow his gaze and gasp at the red bandage. Is that-is that blood?

Suddenly it comes flashing back;

_I gasp in pain as the Dagger penetrates my skin. Keep going, Lara, almost there! I tell myself over and over. I slash again and again, ignoring the physical pain, but relishing the sense of relief I feel._

_After a while, I begin to feel faint. Patches of grey cloud my vision, as I hold up my left wrist to inspect the damage. There's a line of blood pumping out every second-I must have hit a vein._

What are you _on_, girl! Stop it now!

_I'm so close…so close._

_I slash one more time, telling myself to keep going, I can't stop, I'm too close!_

_I hold my wrist in front of my face. What have I done…?_

_More patches of grey continue to block my vision, and my legs feel like jelly._

_I give in, collapsing under my weight…

* * *

_

_Someone's shaking me. "Lara! Lara, wake up, please!" Leave me alone, I want to sleep. I'm so very weak…_

"Lara?" I look into his eyes again, feeling as weak as I did then, head aching like crazy and feeling nauseous all at the same time. "Do you want some water? The doctor said you're dehydrated." Water…I'd like some water.

I try to raise the glass he passes me to my lips, but my arms can't lift it. I'm so weak. He takes it and unjudgingly presses it to my mouth. I swallow what I can, not feeling any better. He places an arm around my shoulders supportively. I start shivering, pressing a hand to my mouth. I feel sick…

My stomach lurches and I pull away from Alister and throw up on the floor over the other side of the bed. I feel someone pull my hair away from the front of my face as another wave of nausea hits me.

"It's okay, Lara," he soothes as tears of sickness and embarrassment leak out of my eyes. "Shh, it's okay." He pulls me into his chest. Why's he being so nice now?

"Alister, why are you-?" He shakes his head.

"Forget about everything I did, Lara, please-I was just in a bad mood. I didn't mean it." I nod and relax in his chest again. I understand. I said some things I didn't mean, too.

"It's a good thing the floor's laminated," he mutters. I laugh.

"Yes," I agree, hugging him back. "It is." He plants a small kiss on top of my head. This is so…comfortable. I actually do feel like I could stay here all day, just hugging him and I'd be content.

I feel a small rush of adrenaline go through my stomach, but I ignore it. It's not the first time I've felt it-hell I've been in peril enough times! Adrenaline's an everyday factor of my life.

He starts rubbing my back gently. "Are you all right now, Lara?" he whispers softly.

"I'm great," I reply hazily, pulling away from him and look into his face, into his eyes which for once have the absence of the sunglasses. I'm not sure if he looks better or not-he's Alister. He looks all right with or without sunglasses.

We still have our arms round each other. We're looking into each other's eyes, and suddenly I'm overcome by a feeling I've only experienced once before in my life. I don't quite know how to describe it-

I look away, breaking the moment. Wait, what moment? There was no 'moment'! He's Alister for Christ's sake, we don't have 'moments'! He's one of my best friends…

"I think I'd like to go downstairs," I mumble.

"Of course. Do you want the wheel-"

"I think I've had enough of wheelchairs to last me two lifetimes," I smile. "Just get me my crutches."

"Lara, I'm not sure if your arms are strong enough for those," he says carefully, remembering the glass incident a minute ago. I wriggle my toes-oh my God, I can feel my legs! I knew they were getting stronger, but I haven't been able to wriggle my toes before.

"You could support me," I suggest.

"What about your legs?"

"They'll be just fine," I assure him.

* * *

_Zip's POV_

"Come on, Lara, just a bit further. You can do it!" I hear someone say enthusiastically. My God, what is she, eight?

"Alister, if you do not stop talking me like a one year-old taking their first steps, you_ will_ be!" she snaps. So not quite eight then-just throw a thirty in front.

They come through into the kitchen, in such a cute way I could just throw it on my calendar! He's got her left arm around his shoulders and is holding her hand, with his other arms supporting her armpit, again holding her hand.

"Hey, Lara! Great to see you moving!" I smile.

"Yes. It's great to _be_ moving," she agrees, sitting down in a chair with Alister's help. Ain't that just so cute?

"So, you want any breakfast, Sweetcheeks?" I smirk.

"I'm not confined to the wheelchair anymore, Zip," she warns, though smiling.

"Damn!" I curse. "Does that mean I can't be annoying?"

"Well we wouldn't want to _completely _rid you of your personality…" Alister chuckles at this, but I ignore him.

"Breakfast?" I offer.

"No, just some water," she says.

"You sure, the doctor says you're really weak-"

"I'm also feeling constantly nauseous, so unless you wish to take over Winston's job of mopping it up, I suggest you keep me away from food."

"That's just the loss of blood," Alister explains. "Your brain's just rejecting anything until it makes enough to cope with it. But once you start eating properly, you should be fine."

"Even so, I'm not hungry," she argues.

"Lara-"

"Did you hear me! I'm not bloody hungry, I just want some water!" she snaps.

"Okay, okay," I surrender, raising my arms up. "Your wish is my command. One glass of water coming right up."

I'm still kinda freaked, you know. I mean, you know Lara-she's strong, seems secure, happy maybe. Then she goes and does something like-well like that! I mean, Jesus, I knew she was depressed, but this still came as a total shock. It's like, all I feel for her now is wanting to protect her so she doesn't do it again. Although, by the look of it, Alister's beaten me to it. I've never seen him so-so _caring_ before!

And another thing, like why did he and Lara have such a huge fall-out the other day? It's like he really wanted to hurt her-you know, verbally. I heard him say some really mean things to her. He must have _known _she was depressed-and now suddenly he's like a born-again Mother Teresa! I'm kinda starting to suspect he feels guilty, and that maybe that's why he's being so attentive.

"Here you go, Lara," I pass her the glass.

"Took you long enough," she mutters, raising it to her lips. I turn my back, when I hear a loud smash!

"What the-!" I turn to see the glass on the floor, with like half its contents gone with it. Lara's cursing, and looking really upset again. "Hey, come on, it's just an old glass," I say to her. It doesn't seem to help. "Hey, look if you start crying, I'm gonna start crying and it'll just get uncomfortable!" Alister sighs, but Lara gives a choking laugh. Hey, I knew I still had it.

"I think I'll go before I break any more stuff," she smiles.

"You sure, cos we got a whole bunch of crap crockery here that could do with a real good seeing to," I offer, looking deadly serious

"I think we should probably dispose of them in a conventional way," she laughs.

"Since when were you conventional?" I mutter, looking around guiltily. I hear a small gasp from her.

"Um, I'll have you know-" we both give her 'the look'. "Yes, all right, I'd have to agree with you there," she says, trying to stand up. I thought she was getting stronger? "But anyway, what crap crockery-surely I'd have used any of that stuff for target practice before now?"

"I never said broken," I smile. She laughs and gives herself one last push with her arms and she shoots up so suddenly she goes flying forward into Alister! It's a shame he stopped the fall-that would have been funny. I'm kinda surprised he did, though-never knew he had it in him.

"I think I'll go now," she says, moving her hair from her forehead.

"You okay, Lara?"

"Fine," she assures me. What a pity she's not as convincing at lying as…uh…well you know what I'm talking about. She walks out completely on her own, which is kinda nice in a way-she must be getting sick of all of us needing to help her.

I catch Alister staring after her longingly. "You just concerned for her, buddy, or is there something on her arse?" He snaps out of it.

"Well, it's obviously concern!" he says way too trying. "She's my best friend." I nod.

"Sure. Yeah, I know the feeling." Jesus, he's so transparent. I think he's got a little crush on her…so cute. Speaking of cute- "Dude, when's your sister coming?"

"Oh, bugger, today!" he exclaims. "Shit, I completely forgot!" I raise my eyebrows. "I've been pre-occupied!" he argues. What is _with _him! He's acting totally weird(er than normal). "Um, about half three."

"Shouldn't you be gone by now?" I say, checking my watch. Yep, half eleven. He's really pushing it.

"Tomorrow morning, Zip," he corrects me, sounding irritable. Oh, I'm supposed to be some great mind-reader now? "She's coming in at eleven tonight." I nod. "I'm really going to hate the drive back."

"You want me to come with you?"

"Why?"

"We can share the driving. I could sleep on the way there to 'refresh' and drive back, or you could do that, whatever."

"Thanks, Zip, but I actually want to get home."

"You implying I'm a bad driver?" I say mock-hurt.

"No, I'm implying that you have an odd tendency to take ridiculous 'short-cuts' that makes it take three times the time!"

"Whatever, dude. Just trying to help." I go back to cooking my pancake.

"Yes, thanks, Zip, but I'll be fine. I'll just take a nap this afternoon."

"On top of the half dozen you already take. Kidding!" I rush as he glares at me again. So touchy.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I stare out of the window, not paying much attention to the vast green and brown fields, my vision obscured by little droplets of rain. I'm at the window in the library. I'm not sure why I came here, really-in Surrey, the window in the library was always my favourite spot. I haven't really chosen one here yet.

It's quite comfortable, actually-the windowsill is padded so I'm not just sitting on hard wood. I unfold the picture crumpled in my hands. It's one of me and my mother right before we left for that fateful trip to China. Aside from a couple of amateur snaps of mine, this the most recent memento I have of her. I looked so different back then, aside from the obvious. I had an air of innocence about me-I didn't look troubled at all. Still, the worst hadn't happened then, had it?

When did I change? Was it after my mother disappeared? Was it after the tragedy in Paraíso? Was it after the…the rape even? If you think about it, that's when my 'innocence' was literally robbed from me.

"Is everything all right, Lara?" a husky voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Of course," I mutter.

"You've been sitting there for the past hour."

"Which means you've obviously been standing there for the past hour. What's your problem?"

"I am concerned for you, Lara." I turn to face him. "You look deeply troubled."

I lean back onto the padded wall. "How would you know?"

"I've known you since you were born, child-you must give me some credit."

"I'll be all right once things are back to normal, Winston," I assure him.

"Tell me, Lara-what, for you, is normal?" I shrug.

"Being able to work out, being able to go off whenever I feel the need-not being confined to this house for some reason or another!"

"You just need something to cling onto-something to be happy about," he advises. I sigh and turn to face him again.

"Winston, do you think I like being this depressed?"

"Of course not, Lara, that's not what I'm saying-"

"You know me, Winston-I don't get depressed toe easily, do I? Or at least if I do, I hide it a lot bloody better."

"So what's different about now?"

"Because there's nothing to be upbeat about." I see his expression change from concerned to surprised. "Winston, if you know of anything for me to be happy about, please tell me, I'm grasping at straws here." He stays silent and looks down uncomfortably. That's just my point-there's nothing to be happy about right now.

"Excuse me, Lady Croft," he mutters politely.

"Winston, wait," I call him back.

"What is it, Lara?"

"I know you're trying to help," I smile. "But I'm fine, really, I'll get over it as soon as things are back to normal." I try to keep the smile on my face for him, but I know that even someone as unperceptive as-as…well a very unperceptive person could read me.

"Lara, you don't always need to force a smile on your face for others," he tells me.

"I thought your problem was that I wasn't," I remind him.

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't…well-"

"What, suicidal again? I've been put off for life, Winston-it's an ugly business, one I don't intend to repeat." He looks uncertain. "I promise you, Winston." He smiles.

"Is there anything you need, Lady Croft?" Christ, I thought we were getting closer to the informality thing-a pity, I was enjoying his company as a friend. I shake my head out of pure habit. Face it, he was raised to receive orders-he's an ex soldier. I was raised to give orders-we're a match made in heaven.

Just occasionally, though, like just now, I wish he could stop being Winston, the butler, and morph into Winston, loyal friend. I'm not questioning his loyalty, God no-he goes beyond boundaries! I only mean, I'd like to be able to introduce him as my good friend one of these days rather than my butler…

* * *

_Alister's POV_

I haven't seen her since this morning. I know where she is, I just figured she'd want some privacy (also Winston told me she'd probably be best left alone). I'll admit, it hasn't been easy resisting the urge to go in there, just to check on her. In truth, what I'd really like to do would be to pull her into a hug. Even if we just sat in silence, I'd be content with that. At least she'd know that someone's there for her…

I haven't been very good at displaying that recently. Hell, I was crap! Just thinking about those shitty things I said to her…it's a wonder she didn't shoot me or at least hit me for being a complete prick! I would've done in her shoes!

Oh, why am I even _beginning_ to compare myself to her! I can't even start to imagine what torment she could have been putting herself through! Depression's an odd thing, isn't it? You'd think if you knew you were depressed, you'd try and stop yourself. I told my theory to Emma and she just laughed! She told me I was 'so cute with my perfect world theories' but I should come into the real world! Ashamed as I am to admit it, psychology is one area where Emma excels over me at ridiculously high levels. I suppose women are just better with empathy.

Then again, if memory serves, at one point she was a very promising Psychology student at Washington University. I'm not really sure what happened-she just dropped out for no apparent reason and never went back. That's how she ended up as a secretary. She had such talent-what the hell happened!

I did ask her once, but she dodged the question, telling me to 'know when to shut up'. Apparently it's a touchy subject for her.

Anyhow, back to the depression thing-Emma did (try to) explain it but it didn't really sink in. I just don't understand the concept of empathy too well! Everyone just assumed I will because I'm a bookworm. That was Zip's reason anyway. Emma says that if you're depressed, with no ounce of happiness, the depression itself acts as a depressant, sinking you further. It makes no sense to me-she just said if people get too deep, it can be bloody hard to recover from. It's like an energy, all built up, and if it's released it's like a nuclear reactor. All her words, not mine. The trick is to find a valve.

So what was Lara's…what happened about? Was that her valve or was that the 'nuclear reactor'? Stop being so thick, Alister! It was obviously her explosion-letting it all out in one burst, of course it was…so why's she still so depressed?

"Lara?" I say, entering the library. She's by the window, like Winston said. Has she moved at all? She doesn't even grunt in reply. Maybe she didn't hear me. "Lara?" She moves her head and turns to face me. She has a stone expression-she doesn't look sad, but she doesn't look happy either.

"Hi, Alister," she mutters. "Do you want me out?" What-

"No, you're fine," I reassure her. "I just wanted to…are you all right?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just don't look very happy." She shrugs.

"Everyone keeps saying that," she mutters. "There's nothing wrong." I come closer, stopping at the desk. I've only just noticed she's still wearing her blue pyjamas.

I nod. "There's no need to look too convinced," she mumbles.

"Lara-"

"Why does everyone assume something's wrong?"

"Why do you look so miserable, then?"

"Oh, so because I don't have a smile on my face, that immediately condemns me to depression?"

"No, no, it's just-you're still in your pyjamas." She looks down at them.

"So what? It's not the first time."

"You keep staring out the window."

"Oh for God's sake, I'll just go and work out, shall I? Oh wait, I can't, my arm's too weak! I could read those scrolls, oh but they're impossible to translate! What's left!" I shrug hopelessly. "If I just want to stare into space, could you please just let me get on with it?"

"If you're happy-"

"I'm bloody great, Alister!" She returns to her original position, hugging her knees close to her chest, and staring out of the window, at the bleak horizon. If she wants to sit here, fine. But she shouldn't have to be alone.

_Lara's POV_

He takes a seat beside me and places an arm around my shoulders. Normally I'd shrug it off, but it's actually quite comforting. I feel a small rush of adrenaline go through my stomach again. Why does this keep happening? Every time I'm near him, I feel a small flutter! It's not as if this is unusual behaviour. Well, not too unusual. He's been doing it a lot recently. It hasn't bothered me before.

I lean in to his chest, ignoring the ever-increasing adrenaline rushes. He takes my hand in his and squeezes it gently, planting a kiss on top of my head. Another adrenaline surge-what the hell is this!

I shiver involuntarily and he pulls me in closer, wrapping both arms around me. I expect the adrenaline to go into overload, but it doesn't come. I don't feel any different…

"Alister-" I mutter.

"It's okay, Lara. You don't need to say anything."

I don't say it. I don't need to…he knows what I mean.

* * *

_I'm walking down a long corridor, catching a glimpse of light at the end of this dark tunnel. Cobwebs surround me from all sides, and I'm breathing heavily, as though I've just come from a draining battle. Perhaps it's just excitement._

_I continue to walk, but the corridor seems to stretch on for eternity. The distant light doesn't seem to get any larger, and I'm left with a feeling of uncertainty._

"_Turn back, Lara," someone whispers, sounding like they were behind me. I spin around, guns drawn but there's no-one there. I frown in confusion, but press on, tossing it aside._

"_You have to turn back," someone whispers. I turn around again, but again there's just darkness behind me. "Turn back-"_

"_Why!" I shout out. "Who are you? _Where _are you!" Nothing. I sigh and continue again, trying to ignore the echoes; turn back, turn back, turn back' coming from all of the walls. I break into a run, getting closer and closer to the light. I'm almost there! So close, just so close…_

_I stop when I reach the light. It's glowing peacefully, illuminating the path behind me. Even the voices have stopped _

_Suddenly, it flares up. I raise an arm to shield my eyes. When the glare seems to recede, I look back to the light and see a silhouette standing there. "It's too late, Lara," the voice whispers. "You should have turned back."_

"_Who are you?" I demand, drawing a gun again._

"_Much too late," the voice continues. The figure's becoming clearer and clearer, and I can see that their head is bowed. "It's too late, Lara."_

"_Who are you?" I repeat._

"_You've opened up the path to hell, Lara. Every step you took released the demon, slowly…now you must face the consequences." What-? The figure looks up, and into my eyes. She has black hair and deep blue eyes, her hair done elegantly into a knot on top of her head…._

"_Mother?" I gasp._

"_Your mother is gone, Lara-we had to sacrifice her to satisfy the demon's hunger. She cannot come back."_

"_No!" I shout. "Bring her back right now!" I point the gun at this mirror image. She laughs._

"_I think it's a bit late for guns, Lara. You didn't always possess such a violent streak. She would have been ashamed."_

"_No," I repeat. "You're my mother, you have to be!"_

"_Looks can be deceiving, Lara. As you know quite well-you being the prime example." She's beginning to fade._

"_Mother?"_

"_It's too late, Lara, your mother's gone."_

"_Mother! Mother! Mother!"_

My eyes snap open, and I find myself in someone's arms. "You're awake, Lara," they soothe. "You just fell asleep." That sounds like…Alister.

"Alister?"

"Yes. It's okay, Lara, you're awake." He pulls me closer, hugging me tight. What happened…? "I have to go soon, Lara."

"Why?" I ask dazedly.

"I have to pick up my sister from the airport," he explains, releasing me. "I probably won't be back till early morning, so this is good night, I guess." I nod dreamily. "I'll see you tomorrow." I nod again. He smiles and walks out. I feel another surge of adrenaline. This is just getting tiresome now.

I follow him out of the library, only I head down to the kitchens in the hope of finding some food there. I'm starving now!

I walk in to find it empty, with a half a loaf of bread on the counter. Forgetting all etiquette, I take it and start gobbling it down, not even bothering to cut a slice off. The crust tastes pleasantly chewy, although the flour's a bit too much.

Even as I wolf it down, I don't feel the hunger subsiding. I polish off half of what was left, not really feeling satisfied. "Got your appetite back, did you?" I hear a voice mock behind me. I turn. Of course. Zip.

I smile. "Yep," I nod.

"Want me to fix you something?"

"I would love it." He smiles and goes over to a cupboard. "What are you making?"

"Your favourite," he says mysteriously. He pulls out a can of beans. What the-? "It is still beans on toast, right?" he checks. I nod, smiling. "So have you seen Alister at all today?"

"Yes, he was in the library-"

"Ah, that figures," he smirks.

"I was there, too."

"Really? Oh my God, have you descended to the dark side and become Alister?"

"No," I laugh. "He was-I was already in there and he just came and sat with me." Zip nods approvingly. "It was…nice."

"Really? Nice as in 'pleasant, we should do it again' or nice as in totally confused after, like 'why didn't we do that before' kinda thing?" Well, that's one way of putting it.

"Well, the second I suppose," I admit.

"Did he feel the same?"

"About what?"

"Well, you know, did he think it was 'nice'?"

"Oh, I don't know," I shrug. "He's the one who sat with me so it can't have been that terrible."

"What, so you just sat next to each other for like, three hours?"

"We were hugging."

"Nothing else?"

"We didn't proclaim our love for each other if that's what you're wondering."

"Well, there's still hope." I shoot him a glare. "Kidding, Sweetcheeks. So, you didn't kiss or anything?"

"Zip, where are you going with this?" I have to ask.

"I dunno, maybe I'm just completely weird-"

"No change there, then," I mutter.

"Let me finish." I smile in apology. "I dunno if it's just me, but I've noticed something between you."

"Oh really? Like what?"

"Kinda like a spark."

"A spark?"

"Yeah, you know, like when-"

"I'm well aware what a spark is, Zip, I'm just trying to find one example of a 'spark' between Alister and me."

"You know what, you're probably right, I'm just being weird." I shrug. Normally, I'd tell him to elaborate, but there's no point. It's ridiculous! "Okay, beans on toast! Enjoy!"

"Thanks, Zip."

"Would you care for some water?"

"Absolutely." He fills me a glass and I try to lift it, but I'm still too weak. "Shit."

"Hey, I'll get that," he smiles. I smile in thanks, but feel so embarrassed when he presses it to my lips. "Lara, honey, don't feel bad, okay? It's not your fault."

"Isn't it? I didn't see you standing over me with a knife and slash my wrists," I mumble.

"Come on, you were desperate."

"What for, Zip? I've been going over it in my head, and I just can't figure what possessed me to do it! It's not like the worst thing had happened! I've had worse, so why do I slash this time?"

"It all added up-everything from before plus everything from now," he explains. "No-one's judging you for it, Lara-we're just glad you're still here."

"I'm not," I murmur. He looks at me sadly. "Sorry-I guess I'm still a bit depressed. I'll get over it." He nods. "No more suicide attempts, Zip, I promise." He strokes my hair gently, but I see his eyes flicker down briefly. He can't stop thinking about my bandaged wrist-I can't blame him. Sometimes that's all I can think about as well.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

"Ladies and gentlemen, Air France is pleased to announce the safe arrival of flight 675 from Charles de Gaulle, Paris," the PA system crackles. That's not it either. I checked with Emma and she said she's on Virgin Atlantic flight 614. She also said it was supposed to land at eleven, but it's half past and nothing!

I've tried her mobile, but it's switched off, which tends to suggest she's on board. I've checked the monitor numerous times, and it's not even listed! It _was_ Birmingham, wasn't it…?

"Ladies and gentlemen, American Airlines are delighted to announce the safe arrival of flight 754 from Washington Dulles International, Washington, after being delayed for one hour." Well, it's a Washington flight-and I'm at the arrivals gate so I may as well look out for her.

Yet another stream of new people comes flooding out of the gateway, though I suspect they were on the Paris flight. "Come on, Emma," I mutter. I scan the room for familiar signs, such as dark brown hair (though God knows what colour it would be now. The time before last, it was blond) or-or, damnit! I'm really going to have to start paying attention!

Twenty minutes later and there's still no sign-by now a stream of another bloody flight has come through! "Alister! Alister!" someone shouts. Someone feminine, someone feminine with an American accent- "Honey, I know you got glasses, but I don't think they're helping!" Ah, of course, there she is, donning her trademark designer t-shirt. Every time we see each other, she's wearing something or other designer. She's even got the bag.

"Christ, Emma, where have you been?" I say, walking up to her.

"Well, it's good to see you, too," she mutters sarcastically. I smile and pull her into a hug. "I've missed you, honey-and you know what, you have not changed a bit." I retreat.

"Is that good or-"

"Well of course it is! I mean, where would I be without knowing that somewhere out there, my stupid big brother was exactly as I left him?"

"Thanks, Emma," I say sarcastically. "So, are you okay?"

"Well, it depends whether you mean today or in general."

"Uh-in general's good."

"Well in that case, I've been great," she smiles, picking up her suitcase.

"So what was wrong with today?" I ask as we leave the airport.

"It has been a _nightmare! _First that stupid cab driver drops me off at the wrong airport! Then, when I finally get to Dulles, I discover I had nothing to rush about because my flight had been cancelled and it was taking them time to find us another flight, so we got stuck on this stupid American Airlines jet. And if that wasn't enough, I nearly lost my seat cos there weren't enough. It took a very nice guy to step down, and I was top of their reserve list," she says proudly. "Oh yeah, and this total pervert tried to grope me the entire flight here, but apart from that, everything's been great! So what about you?"

That's a lot to take in in ten seconds… "You know, normal," I say off-handedly. She nods.

"So, are we gonna stand about here all night, or am I gonna get to see the big estate before morning?"

"No."

She shoots me a confused look. "I mean, we're never going to get there before four at this rate," I yawn. Stay awake, Alister!

"Oh, well do you want me to drive cos you know, for me it's still like, six at night."

"No, I'll be all right," I assure her. "Anyway, you don't know the way." She shrugs, but looks unconvinced. I struggle to keep in another yawn.

"Honey, with the state you're in, a fourteen year-old could get us home safer!"

"Pack it in, Emma." She puts her suitcase in the boot. We climb into the car, and I yawn again.

"My _God_, when was the last time you got laid!" she exclaims. What has that got to do with anything? "I mean, seriously, if you think this is tiring, I'm surprised you're not a virgin!" I start the car wordlessly. "You're not, are you?"

"No, of course-how the heck can I be, you set me up with one of your friends!"

"Wha-oh yeah, Nadia, I forgot about her…she was weird," Emma agrees.

"By the fact she's in to S&M or the fact that she's a bi?"

"She's not bi!" Emma protests. "That kid really did look like a dude!"

"Well even so, she must have been just slightly suspicious when she climbed under the covers and-"

"Okay, honey, stop! I'm still awake! And even if I wasn't, those would be the last images I'd want in my mind if I was feeling dreamy!" I have to chuckle. "You always were trying to corrupt me."

"Me!"

"Well yeah, always giving me disturbingly clear accounts like I was some freakin sex therapist!"

"That was you!" She goes quiet, and I hear her relaxing in the back seat.

"Ooh, yeah," she says embarrassedly. "Yeah, there's an excellent chance that's true." I smirk. My sister, everyone.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

_I've been here before, I know I have! I recgonise this room, this whole building! But something's wrong-so very wrong. There's a figure ahead of me-a girl, with black hair. She looks slightly darker than me, but that could just be the shadows._

_Suddenly she spins around and I know only too well who she is. "You know what it's like to lose your mother like this, Lara," she whispers sadly. "Don't do this."_

_I turn away from her but collide with someone else. He's fairly tall-just above me, with light brown hair, an circular case hanging off his belt attached to his green trousers…Kurtis?_

"_You left me there, Lara! You took the Chirugai and you just left without even trying to find me!"_

"_No, Kurtis, it wasn't-"_

"_How many more people's lives are you going to wreck, Lara. How many more can you abandon before it's finally you who gets left behind?"_

"_I already have been, Amanda!" I protest, spinning round again._

"_How could you _do _that to me, Lara?" a voice sounding a lot like Alister shrieks. _

_What-_

"_Who do you think you are to just be able to not care! Didn't you hear me clearly, Lara-our daughter is missing!" someone shouts._

"_She's not ours, Rutland!" I retort. "She never will be 'ours', she-"_

"_You always were an unfit mother, Lara," a new voice interrupts. A refined English voice, with authority and cruelty tied together in one sentence. I don't need to turn around to confirm it-I know exactly who he is._

"_I'm not," I say, trying to convince myself more than him._

"_Look at your daughter, Lara-she doesn't look too happy, does she?"_

"_At least I gave her the chance, Lara," Rutland butts in._

"_Don't you realise, Lara-it's too late to get your mom back," Amanda sneers._

_Too much, this is too much, I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE! I collapse to my knees, panicking, starting to sob. They all close in on me, taunting me, harassing me, pressing me further down into the darkness._

_Amidst all the shouting, I can hear footsteps. Footsteps made by high heels, footsteps that echo, footsteps with authority, like-like my mother used to make._

"_Mother?" I look up into the face of a woman I have not laid eyes upon for 29 years. She hasn't changed. "Mother?"_

"_What have you become, Lara?" she exclaims sadly. "A murderer?"_

"_I found you," I say, ignoring her. "I found you!"_

"_But it's not me who's lost anymore, is it, Lara?"_

"_Mother, it doesn't matter," I sob. "None of the past matters." I lean in to hug her, but she pushes me away. "Mother?"_

"_You're no daughter of mine," she whispers. Fear rises up in my chest._

"_Mother?" _

_She doesn't even answer, she just turns around and walks away from me. "Mother, no! Mother!" I try to run after her but trip up and end up flat on my face, still crying heavily. "Mother!"_

"_You really have made a mess of things, haven't you?" Kurtis taunts._

"_I thought you of all people would understand," Lily says sadly, defeated._

"_You know what really used to bug me, though? When I got out and saw that you left without even trying to…" Amanda breaks off._

"_You know, Lara, if I was half the man you apparently think I am, I would subtly remind you of how you got up here tonight," Alister says cruelly._

"_Forget it, Lara-you couldn't protect yourself, so how could you possibly protect a baby?" my father contradicts. Raped or not, I-_

"_Are you trying to tell me you didn't enjoy that, La-whore?" he sneers. I feel someone approach me. The hairs on my neck stand on end as they come closer, and suddenly, they clap a hand around my mouth, struggling with my top. I try to scream…_

I sit up suddenly, panting heavily, in shock from the nightmare. Why am I suddenly dreaming of my mother _now? _It's been haunting me for nearly thirty years! As for those other demons, they're a bit bloody sudden as well. I suppose Lily, Rutland, Alister and Amanda make sense, but why Kurtis? And...?

I lean back onto the bed and turn to face the clock; 5:36. Brilliant. I can't sleep because of nightmares, and it's only five-thirty! I may as well get up. If I leave it till later, I'm just putting off the inevitable-another day of sitting, whilst pondering about God-knows-what, with the occasional wander to increase leg strength.

I crawl out of the covers and pace up to my wardrobe to retrieve my dressing gown. No point getting dressed, is there? At least, not until later. I expect Alister's sister won't get up till about noon after the jet lag.

I absent-mindedly make my way to the library. It's as I mentioned before, it's a good thinking spot. Back in Surrey, I managed to make sense of a lot of things while I was in the library. Perhaps it will be the same here.

The first thing I see as I enter the library are the scrolls sitting on the desk, illuminated by the rising sun, bathing them in a delicate gold. A few words (or at least I think they're just words) have been circled and numbered, with a few notes on a separate page. Alister's been trying really hard-it's quite sweet, actually, even though it's what I hire him to do.

He _has_ been quite sweet lately, mixed in with him being a complete prick. I can't get my head round it. Before Excalibur, he was this uncomplicated man who I saw as an employee and loyal friend…now I just can't get to grips with him. It is literally one minute he's supportive, the next he's trying to emotionally destroy me! And before the…attempt, he was a complete bastard, but when he came back, he was the first one to find me. He cradled me in his arms…well someone did. It sounded like him, but it's all a bit hazy. I was in such a dreamlike state at the time I'm surprised I can remember _that_ much!

_I can hear banging…stop it, I'm so weak, so tired-I just want to sleep…_

_I hear a loud thud as someone barges into my room-no, no! Go away! Let this finish…why isn't it finished? Why aren't I-_

"_Lara?" someone whispers. "I came to say I've been a prick and-where the hell are you!" Go away, give up! Please just-leave me alone._

"_Shit!" they shout. I hear hurried footsteps getting louder and coming closer. They turn me over. I can't even struggle…I'm so weak. Even my eyelids don't have the energy to open…it's like a waking coma. "Lara! Lara, wake up, please!" I hear a quiet tear as though they're ripped something, and they pick up my wounded wrist and wrap something around it. No! Let me sleep! Don't make me wake up again! Just let me sleep…_

"_Lara? Lara, please!" they beg, pulling me onto their lap. It sounds like-_

_More footsteps. "Alister, what-" someone interrupts. Alister!_

"_Call her doctor! Or an ambulance or something!" he shouts back. No! No, I can't go back there! "Zip!" I hear their footsteps echo away hurriedly._

"_Lara, please," he says again. "What happened?" _

"_Did you do this to yourself? Lara, why? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell anyone?" he sobs, pulling me closer into a hug. I couldn't tell anyone…none of you would listen…let me sleep…_

"_Was I such a prick to you? Did you honestly think I wouldn't listen?"_

By then, my mind and body were so tired, I basically went out cold…sort of. I could still feel him holding me, but I was out. I couldn't remember anything past that if I tried…

"_I-I love you…"_

What-well I haven't remembered that part before! I must be imagining it. Delusion, that's all it can be! Why am I even getting so worked up about it?

Or, if not imaginary, it could have been real, just a different memory from a different time. Of course, that's what it is! Christ, Lara-as if Alister would actually say that! Even if he did…if it's real, they said it like they meant it, not just platonic…

"…_please, Lara, I love you so much! Don't die, you can't give up! You've come too far! You've come too far! I love you…"_

I can't have made that up…but I must have! That can't be real-the only loves I've ever received have been platonic, and that most definitely isn't!

So why do I feel like I'm there…being held in his arms, the flickering of the candles penetrating my eyelids, the pain in my left wrist all I can think of…

My imagination's far too powerful! I'm just going off on one again! My mind's playing tricks on me. It can't be real, it can't be, it can't be, it can't…could it?

Just thinking about as if it were real is sending the adrenaline into overboard, so much I feel like I'm having a panic attack. My breathing's shallower, my pulse has quickened…oh holy Jesus…

All those times he's been there for me, all those times he's comforted me, held me-he's-he's loved…me?

No, no, it can't be true. He's also been such a prick sometimes, it's unimaginable-surely someone who was in love wouldn't vent their anger on their love interest? Oh Christ, that actually makes sense…if he did love me, I would technically be the cause of anguish and torment, therefore the prime target…he uses logic in that odd way.

Now I think about it, there have been occasions when I've caught him staring at me. At first I thought he was just mesmerised by my breasts (he's not the first, believe me!) but over time, I realised he was looking at _me_, my face, my hair, my eyes…and once when we got drunk, we did almost kiss…I never thought anything of it other than an impulse brought on by alcohol. Chardonnay always did make me do things out of character-not exactly out of character, if I like someone, I tend to let them know-but with people I wouldn't normally…think about like that.

I hear a thud as someone sounds like they fell into the ajar door. I turn around to find…Alister! "Bloody hell, Lara, what are you doing up this early?" he says.

"I could ask you the same thing, you've been up all night!" He shrugs.

"Just couldn't sleep."

"What time is it?"

"About half-six." Have I really been here an hour? "Anyway, why are you here?" Trying to sort some things out, Alister…

"Same reason," I smile awkwardly. Oh God, here comes the adrenaline again…I almost feel sick with nerves, but what's there to be nervous about…?

"So, how are you doing today?" he asks, indicating to my bandaged wrist. That seems to be the object of everyone's attention these days!

"Better," I assure him. "Less intense, anyhow." He nods.

"That's great. Anyway, I'm going to make some coffee, so I'll see you in a bit." He turns to leave.

"Alister?" I call him back.

"Yes?" I don't say it. I can't say it. What if I'm wrong? Do you have any idea just how humiliating it would be to ask him such a question only to find my theories were completely off-course? "Are you all right, Lara?" I see real concern in his eyes through his glasses. I've only just noticed he's fully dressed. So efficient…

He comes closer, and I'm reminded of only a few days ago, when we were having that other argument. He leaned in to me then, too, like he was going to kiss me, but then he drew back… "Lara?"

"Do you mean it?" I whisper.

"I-what-?"

"Did you mean it?" I repeat quietly.

"Lara, I don't-"

"On Thursday night-do you remember it?" I see a flash of remembrance pass his eyes. He nods. I lift up my wrist. "While I was unconscious," I begin nervously. "I-I heard you say that-that…" Come on, don't cut out now! Even Alister's starting to look worried. "That you…loved…" I can't bring myself to say the last word. I've said enough. He knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"Did you mean it?" I ask again, trying to stay cool and collected, but I've seen Victoria sponges with more stability than me!

"Yes," he whispers. I gasp and my eyes widen. I turn around so I don't have to look at him-so he doesn't see my expression. Oh my God, he just admitted it! He actually admitted it!

My breathing gets even more out of control, my heart goes on overload and the adrenaline is incomparable! I find it hard to not let myself burst into tears. Why am I close to crying? What's wrong with me? He just-

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I didn't even know he was behind me! I turn around to face him, and see genuine care on his face. "I've meant it for four years," he admits, stroking my cheek. Four years! He's meant it for four years and he's never-

He leans down and touches his lips to mine gently. They're soft, and warm. The adrenaline subsides. It feels…nice. I close my eyes, but then he retreats. Why did he do that?

He's looking down at me with such feeling in his eyes, it's-it's enough to dissolve me…not once in my life have I experienced something this strong before…

I find myself reaching up towards him, wanting to kiss him again. I close my eyes as our lips meet again. It feels so right. It's firm but tender…

I push all and any thoughts out of my head as we lock our arms around each other, still kissing, allowing our lips to express just how much we really want each other…

* * *

_So does that meet to everybody's expectations? Cos if it doesn't-screw you, I'm just happy that I've got it done! Yay! Well, you know the drill, people...tell me what you think via reviews and I'll tell you what happens next...hehe...if you'll excuse me, I have Eidos employees to harass...lolx 2 all of u!_


	13. Love and Guns

_Disclaimer: Haven't actually manaed to get an appointment yet-it turns out they were warned by Crystal Dynamics...but it will be mine...it will be mine!_

_k: You know, you're the first person to have even mentioned Lily in a while! Things have sort of come to a standstill on her part (for now) but I do have ideas! Thanks for the review lolx_

_Team-chaser: What certain character would that be? And plenty more kisses where that came from...hehe-and by the way, no more chocolate for you! Thanks for the review tho-really speeded the process up lolx_

_The Third-Demi God: I really like the kissing bit as well, it woz fun to write-and about the dreams, yeah they're odd, but also so much fun to think up! Again, you're the second person to mention Lily in a while...but as always, I do have big plans for her! Thanks for reviewing! lolx_

_Crosby Inc.: It's a good thing you like drama then. Thanks for all the things you said-they were really motivational, without wanting to sound like a soppy moo. Fortunately, there's less drama in this so you'll have time to work through the rest...oh and hopefully it'll be clearer who's talking-I tried! Thanks for the review lolx_

_A/N You're all so great! Thanks for reviewing (again). This chapter is what I'd call a 'fluff' chapter, but some people (i.e. Timeless4Life) disagree with me...anyways, wil finish the note at the end lolx

* * *

__Alister's POV_

God, she's so beautiful. Even though she's on her back and not even facing me, everything about her is just so…perfect, flawless…beautiful. I already knew that, but it was a pleasant confirmation.

I love her. I have done for four years, like I told her only three hours ago. It was so special, so magical. It finally happened. I kissed her…and she kissed me back.

I'm sure I don't need to explain what happened next…doesn't the fact that we're now in bed together tell you enough?

I haven't been able to sleep, but she was so tired, bless her. She hasn't been sleeping well, you can tell. She's got dark circles under her eyes, and she's been having nightmares. I assume that's what she meant by 'just couldn't sleep.' She was definitely nightmaring before she woke up yesterday while I was at her bedside. And when she was in my arms.

You know, it's funny, but I've been waking up beside her for a few weeks now. I was always at her side when she was in hospital, but I've never been so close to her before…I've never felt happy waking up near her before. All those other times I was worried sick about her. Now I'm delirious that…well, something's happened.

I know I'm right next to her, but now it feels like I can't get enough of her. I have to fight the urge to just reach out and stroke her. But she's sleeping-it wouldn't be fair to wake her up. But she really is just so…beautiful.

Suddenly, there's a loud knock, interrupting my thoughts. "Lara? Lara, you awake?" Shit, that's Zip! Oh fuck, what if he walks in right now and sees me? I wouldn't mind if everyone found out, but Lara might not see it like that. "Lara? Come on, get up, it's near ten." Bugger off, Zip! "I'm coming in!"

Shit! I give Lara a quick nudge. She stirs. "Alister," she says, smiling.

"Zip's outside," I whisper. "He's coming in." Her expression changes to one of alarm.

"Zip, what is it?" she calls back.

"Uh, it's half nine, and, uh-can I come in?"

"Not really, Zip, no," she replies, struggling not to laugh. I have to admit, it's all very comical.

"Why?"

"I'm getting dressed!"

"Oh, okay. But, uh, could you speed it up? I really need to talk to you."

"I'll be out in a second, Zip," she promises, climbing out of bed, pulling the comforter around her. She walks over to the door, and leans against it. "He's gone," she tells me. "That was bloody close." I nod, fighting the urge to laugh. We can't help it, though-we just burst out into laughter, though I'm not really sure what at. "Imagine his face if he'd come in and seen us!"

"I swear we would have witnessed spontaneous combustion," I mutter. She giggles at this.

"I suppose I should start getting dressed," she mumbles, heading for her walk-in wardrobe.

"Or we could just stay here?" I suggest. She looks tempted but declines.

"I have your sister to meet and greet, remember? And I don't want her thinking of me as 'the boss who's doing her brother'. Not yet anyway." We start laughing again at this. "It's unreal."

"I know," I agree. "But it's good unreal, right?"

"Oh, absolutely," she smirks, walking back over to the bed. She leans down and kisses me again. "You should probably get dressed as well." I sigh and reluctantly climb out of the bed, picking up my clothes. "So, what's your sister like? Anything like you?"

"Not really, no," I mutter. She's less of a prat! "She's just-different to me, I can't really describe it."

"Okay, but what's she actually like as a person? Is she happy-go-lucky, fun-loving…or is she like you?"

"Thanks, Lara," I say, going off in a mock huff.

"You know I didn't mean it," she smirks, coming up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I raise my eyebrows at her. She pulls away. "Sorry, that was very uncharacteristic of me." I shake my head.

"Not at all," I smirk. "I'm starting to like this new Lara," I say teasingly, leaning down to kiss her again.

"Ah, but wasn't it the old one you fell in love with?" Damnit, she's got me there! She laughs at my expression and kisses me again. "You're so cute, Alister."

"Oh God, now you're starting to sound like my sister," I mutter.

"Speaking of whom, don't you think it's time I gave her a traditional Croft greeting?"

"Lara, I wouldn't appreciate it if you shot my sister on the _first _day," I say.

She laughs. "Not that one," she smiles. "Although it's reassuring to see where your loyalties lie." She says it in such a way I can't tell if she's being sarcastic or not… She snorts again at my expression. "Come on, Alister-you've got some introductions to make," she declares, holding out her hand. I kiss it formally and take it in mine as we exit her room.

* * *

_Emma's POV_

You know, I swear the guys who live here have like, a map or something, because I just can't figure out where anything is! Thank God my room has a bathroom attached or I would have ended up in Alister's room or something just as freaky! I might try it anyway, though-his expression would be just hilarious.

"Is everything all right, miss?" a raspy voice interrupts. I see an old guy with a…how would you describe it? Anyway, I'm guessing he's like, the butler or something.

"Uh, where's the kitchen?" I ask.

"Oh, it's right this way, if you'll follow me." I nod. Man, he's polite! Either he's always this sweet or he just makes extra effort for more brownie points with guests. God knows what he gets from his employer, this Lara Croft.

You know, I must have asked Alister about her like, I dunno, a thousand times, but he never gives me a real answer, you know, he just mumbles weird words like 'she's…eccentric' or 'she's…very individual'. Call me crazy, but he has definitely got a crush on her. It's so cute.

He takes me through endless hallways until we reach the entrance hall. "Wow, this place is nice," I comment.

"Yes, Lara's family has worked extremely hard on it," the butler says proudly. I nod interestedly.

"Did they build this place?"

"Not as such, but they've taken it under enough renovations over the generations."

"What, so it's like, a real family home?"

"Yes. It's been in their possession since they were granted the title in the fifteen-hundreds." Wow, what a history. Wait-

"What title?" I ask stupidly.

"Earl and Countess of Abbingdon-I'm so sorry, who are you?"

"Oh, I am Alister's sister, he just never tells me anything about his boss," I reassure him.

"Oh, well, if you ever suffer from insomnia, I've got their whole history stored up here." He points to his head. "It's been known to send even the nocturnal to sleep," he mutters, making a rasping laugh.

"Aw, honey, I bet they're not that bad," I smile.

"Oh no, no…no that's Alister's speciality." I gotta laugh at that. He looks kinda worried-I'm guessing it's cos I'm his sister and everything-but he really shouldn't be worried. I'm first in line in taking the piss out of my brother. He smiles and keeps going. It takes me a few seconds to realise I'm supposed to follow.

"Good morning," he says to apparently no-one as we come into the kitchens.

"How's it hanging, Winston?" an American drawl replies. Hey, I'm not the only non-native! I come in properly and see a black guy cooking. "Woah, Winston, I know we guys like girls younger than ourselves, but don't you think you're going a little far?" Eew-oh wait, Alister told me about this guy. Damnit, what's his name?

"No, Zip, it's not as perverted as that," the poor guy says embarrassedly.

"Kidding, Winston-she's probably one of the ones I picked up." He turns around to take a closer look. "Wait…this isn't the girl I brought home last night."

"Oh, but I am, baby," I counter, keeping my face serious. "Don't you remember, cos I sure as hell remember you. You were amazing…" I continue edging closer. He's looking kinda freaked. "I probably shouldn't say this in front of the butler, but…I'm still a little weak in the knees." I'm now inches away from him, and he's actually starting to look panicked. "Kidding," I smirk. "Trust me, honey, even if it was true, I'd never say it after the first time!"

"Don't do that!" he scolds. "You'll…give Winston a heart attack. See, the poor guy's shaking." I laugh.

"Yeah, Alister told me all about you. Zip, right?" He nods.

"Alister's sister?"

"How did you figure that?"

"I guess I'm just psychic." I smirk again. "So, how did you turn out, well, normal?"

"We grew up on different continents with different parents," I explain.

"Gotcha. By the way, don't take offence at the whole Alister-"

"Honey, if someone's taking the piss, I'm first in line," I assure him.

"I think you and me will get along just fine," he smirks.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

As I walk down the corridor, my hand grasping Alister's, I still can't believe what's happened. What's stupid is, nothing's really changed. We were walking down the hall yesterday like this, too…except then it was for other obvious reasons.

I'm not one to give in to emotions easily-particularly romance-but when he kissed me, it's like something inside me just woke up. Something I've kept hidden and locked away…something that provided not just an impulse to kiss him again, but a desire.

_As we continue kissing, the whole world around me seems to just…dissolve, like it's just me, Alister and this moment left. We break for air after a couple of minutes, but I find myself reaching up for more. I want this just as much as he does…and we both know it._

_He starts to get a bit firmer, but it's okay-it's not rough, it just feels more desperate, like he's releasing something. Although after four years, it can only be expected…_

_What am I doing, even thinking? I'm kissing a man who really does love me and all I can think about is such trivial matters, they're not even worth thinking about!_

_His tongue nibbles at my lower lip, requesting entrance. I happily comply, and can't suppress a small giggle as his tongue clashes with mine. I find myself being pushed back until I'm sitting on the desk. I feel another build-up of adrenaline, as I wonder where it'll go from here, but he doesn't try to push me down. He seems content just kissing. _

_He breaks off again, but instead moves down to kiss my neck. I let out a small gasp as more feelings arouse. He undoes the top two buttons of my nightshirt and begins kissing my chest. As he reaches for the third, I stop him and lift his head up so it's level with mine again. I smile at him and lean in to kiss him again. I've always preferred it when our lips meet to letting them do all the work._

_His tongue goes into my mouth again, clashing with mine, and another feeling arouses. I let out a quiet, muffled moan as his hand undoes the third button, then the fourth. My legs twitch, and it's all I can do to stop myself from wrapping them around his waist._

_He undoes the fifth button, and I stop him again. "I can think of somewhere much more comfortable," I whisper seductively, smirking. I jump off the desk and kiss him on the lips again briefly, when I find myself being lifted into the air, one arm under my knees, the other supporting my back. We both start giggling as he carries me down the steps of the hidden corridor._

_He kisses me on the lips again, and more feelings arouse. I emit another silent moan as he deepens the kiss again. Despite this passion, I find myself mentally preparing myself for him to trip up-just the thought sends me into a fit of giggles. I can't help but giggle some more, but kiss him again to show I'm not laughing at him (even though I technically am)._

_He lets me down as we walk into my room and leans down to kiss me again. I'm surprised he didn't just carry me to the bed…perhaps he just doesn't want to push me into it. I know he wants it-I've been close enough to him if you understand what I mean. And…he loves me. I definitely want this too._

_I take his hand, breaking off our kiss and lead him over to my four poster, feeling another pleasant build-up of adrenaline. I reach up to kiss him again, placing my arms around his neck, until we collapse on the bed, still kissing passionately…_

"What's wrong, Lara, you're all red and giggly," Alister says.

"I was just thinking about before," I tell him, checking for his reaction. He nods, a smile escaping his lips as well. "And just in case there were any doubts…" I mutter. I go up to his ear and whisper; "…it was amazing."

"Well so were you," he smiles. "In fact, you've always been rather amazing, Lara Amelia Croft."

"My middle name's Amelia Rose," I smirk.

"Ah, but do you even know _my_ middle name?"

"You don't have one."

"Damnit." With each sentence, our faces came steadily closer. I smirk again and kiss him briefly.

"You are so cute," I whisper, moving away.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To meet and greet with your sister. Isn't that why my slumber was so rudely interrupted?"

"No…that was Zip's fault." I nod, breaking out into another laugh. "Why, Lara, did I just see you stumble?" My smile leaves me.

"No," I reply, crossing my arms. What's he playing at?

"I'm sure you did. In fact, you definitely did. Oh dear, I think you need to hold onto something while we're going downstairs…" The conniving git…so cute.

"Well yes, they are a bit shaky. I think I will need some support." I outstretch my hand, and he takes it in his. I giggle again and he comes nearer, placing an arm around my waist, and we begin to trek down to the kitchens, with God-knows-what awaiting me there.

* * *

_Emma's POV_

"No way, you have got it completely wrong! Gina is the one who _thought _she was pregnant with Christian's baby, Julia actually _was_ pregnant with his baby!" Zip argues.

"Which would make her the biggest slut! Okay, think about it; she had a child with a man when she was engaged to be married to the guy's partner-to-be-and best friend-the next goddamn day!"

"But Gina's slept with so many guys, she didn't even _know _which one was the father!"

"But neither did Julia! She had to have those paternity tests, which I'm sorry, were always just gonna open a big can of worms. Therefore, she's at least the biggest drama queen."

"Uh-uh, no, no, that's gotta be Kimber."

"And just how exactly is Kimber over-dramatic?"

"She ties Christian to the bed and threatens to knife him!"

"Ah, yeah, but he traded her for a car!" I point out.

"It was a Lamborghini!" I raise my eyebrows at him. "Besides, she had a good lifestyle."

"Yeah, with a completely incompetent, ugly drug addict."

"At least Julia's got good taste in guys," he mutters.

"But Kimber was just using Merrill cos she was pissed."

"Aha! So, that would make her a big drama queen!" he says triumphantly. Damnit!

"Well…" I begin, trying desperately to come up with a good comeback. Oh… "Julia hires a male prostitute! And calls him Sean!"

"He was not being a prostitute to her!"

"Which makes it a little worse that she called him Sean."

"Well, Kimber slept with Christian while she was seeing Sean."

"So she should join Julia's club, she's got jackets."

"What are you two on about?" says a very confused, very British voice from the doorway. That would be my brother.

"Don't worry, honey, we're just having a debate," I tell him.

"Give up now, Zip, you'll never win." I smile triumphantly.

"Lara, you've seen Nip Tuck, right?" Zip says. Jeez, what he needs her support now?

"Uh, yes," she says. Wait a second, did he just say 'Lara'?

"Who do you think is the biggest slut; Kimber, Julia or Gina?"

"Zip, why are you debating with my sister about Nip Tuck? You will _never_ win against her on that one!" Alister says.

"Thank you, Alister," I smile, turning around.

"It wasn't a compliment," he says, smirking. "Anyway, Lara, this is Emma, my sister who will apparently be getting on very well with Zip, and Emma, this is Lara."

"No introductions for me, then?" she smiles, taking my hand and shaking it.

"Well, what can you really say?"

"Fair point, the tabloids say it all," she smirks. I have seen her before somewhere, and I don't just mean in like, the newspapers or something. I've seen a different picture…

"_This," he throws a snapshot at me. Huh, this is starting to feel very familiar, like when Lily came in. Except this time I don't recognise the person in the picture._

"_Uh, sorry, I don't know her," I say, passing it back._

"_You sure?" I look up at him._

"_Why would I lie?" I ask, making sure I do the eye-contact. He shrugs._

"_I dunno. To protect an old friend? Just a theory."_

"_You don't believe me, do you?"_

"_Not so much, no."_

"_Yeah, well, you know what, I don't care. I have never seen that woman before in my life, and what makes you even think that-why are you looking for her anyway?"_

"_She's just an old friend. I wanted to, uh, catch up on old times."_

I push this thought out of my head. I mean, come on, there's gotta be loads of girls who look similar to her, and the snap was a year old…yeah, there's gotta be loads of girls like her called…Lara Croft. Yeah, he did actually tell me her name. Oh, whatever-I bet he didn't even find her! He's not here, right? And so what if he did find her, you know, he said she was just an 'old friend'.

But it must have been kinda serious if he tracked me down first, thinking I worked for her! He got the right family, just the wrong sibling! Why am I even obsessing about this? It's not important, it's not important.

"You okay there?" Zip asks.

"Great, yeah, I'm just great. Just a little…overwhelmed, I mean this house, God this house is just beautiful!" She smiles.

"Thanks. Although something tells me you're going to be seeing more of it than Alister has in four years!" He rolls his eyes at that as I giggle a little. He's told me he spends half his goddamn life in that little library of his. "I think you'll be giving him the guided tour by the end of it."

"Oh, you bet. I gotta admit, I'm a total sucker for big houses, you know, if I'm in one, it's like I have to explore every room just so I know where it is and what's in it."

"Then you'll love this house," she smiles again. I nod. Okay, now this is getting kinda awkward again. I mean, she seems nice and everything, but she's not as easy to talk to as Zip. She's a little too…refined. This looks like the sort of woman whose grown up attending prestigious tea parties with her mother, come out in fancy balls accompanied by her father, she probably even got herself an arranged marriage…I mean I know she's obviously away from all that now, I mean come on, she's an archaeologist for God's sakes, but judging by her vocab, it hasn't left her. Well not completely.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

"That seemed to go quite well, don't you think, Lara?" I ask her as we go back up to her room.

"Mmm," she mumbles, sounding as though she's not really paying attention. She walks over to the bed and pulls off her sweater.

"Well, you don't hate each other, right?"

"No, no, she seemed perfectly nice, it's just…"

"What?" I come up closer to her. She turns around, untying her hair.

"I just can't believe she's your sister," she replies.

"Why not?"

"You're so different. I don't just mean physically, but-"

"Well, be fair, Lara, we were raised extremely differently on different continents," I chuckle. She nods.

"I suppose you're right," she agrees. An awkward silence befalls us as we both stare at the rumpled sheets on her bed, flashbacks of earlier springing to mind.

"Lara?"

"Yes?"

"What did you mean by she'll be seeing a lot more of the Manor than I have in four years?"

"Oh, it was nothing," she says guiltily, trying unsuccessfully to hide a smirk.

"Lara, I think you were taking the piss again."

"Well it's so easy," she protests. I sit down on the bed in a mock huff. "Alister?"

"No, no, I'm just some big joke to you, I'm not interested."

"Fine, fine…I guess I'll just shower by myself."

"What?!" my head jerks towards her, catching her radiant smile.

"Had a little change of heart, Alister?" What amazing willpower I have. She comes closer, fingering my jacket seductively. She pulls me up by the collar and leads me into the bathroom…

* * *

I walk out of her room after a 'refreshing' shower, and I can't help but muse over all that's happened in less than six hours…I finally told her how I felt, how I've been feeling for four years. What's fantastic is, the feeling was at least partially mutual. I obviously don't expect her to have obsessed over me for four years (that would just be absurd!) but she wasn't revolted. As what happened just now proved…let's just say Nadia's antics seem like virginal tactics compared to what happened in there. You remember her…the S&M addict.

Why am I even thinking of her for God's sake?! I'm with Lara now…and for the first time I've slept with a woman it's not just been lust that's been spurring me on…it's love.

If it's even possible, I think I love Lara even more now. I always knew she was beautiful inside and out, but even so, it's really good to know your initial thoughts were correct. It's probably because I finally have her…assuming she doesn't see it as a one-night stand. She can't do, no…I didn't just tell her I had feelings for her, I told her I loved her…and she didn't get scared off, come on, we kissed, we slept together…

No, it wasn't a one-night stand, that's left to the men. People always assume women are the sluts, but I'll be the first to admit that our track record is far higher than a woman's could ever be. They're just seen as the more 'slutty' gender because of the fact that you find more female prostitutes around. Women don't tend to do one-night stands, especially women of Lara's class.

Then again, she's not exactly the perfect example of a woman of her class…she was basically disowned by all her relatives after the death of her father because she wanted rights to the Manor and won the legal battle against her uncle. She's now estranged from them all. Even before that, she didn't have a traditional upbringing. Her father was an archaeologist, so wasn't around to teach her to be 'ladylike', which is ironic as he was probably the first to complain about her decision to study archaeology! He never fully supported her choice, she told me, but 'loved' her enough to pay her university fees.

Perhaps I should just 'play it cool' as Zip would say. I won't get too attached, even though it's far too late for that. I just won't show it. If it's not just a one-night stand in her eyes, then bloody fantastic, but if it is…well, if I act nonchalant beforehand, it'll make me look less of a twit.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I trudge downstairs feeling extremely…relaxed. I must admit, I haven't felt quite so…relaxed for a long time. I used to get that feeling after a particularly heated workout, but nowhere near as intense. Let's just say virgins wouldn't be used to this sensation.

I'm heading for the swimming pool. I figure that even if my arms couldn't take my weight, they should be strong enough for swimming. I don't intend to train until they're strong enough, and I'm just helping them along their way. I spoke to a physiotherapist once after a previous injury, and they say that the use-no matter how small-will help to increase strength, but that they would recommend swimming, as that doesn't just depend on that one weak muscle-I'm exercising all of them. He called it a 'one for the price of two', not realising until many minutes later that he'd had the word order wrong.

I walk into the empty pool room and take a deep breath as I prepare myself for a swan dive into the pool. I haven't done this in ages-just taken a relaxing swim rather than an intense session for both my muscles and lungs. I really should. Even as I'm just treading water, already I feel better, especially as my arms aren't too tired to continue swimming.

I swim two lengths of the pool, occasionally going under, but not for too long-I don't want to push it. It's not just my arms that need to recover full strength.

"Looking good, Lara," someone says as I surface for air again. I turn around and see Zip at the doorway.

"Hello, Zip-care to join me?" I smirk.

"Uh…that's okay, I don't even have a bathing suit…" he mutters, embarrassedly looking away. Zip and his fear of water-I still don't know what triggered that. I have asked, but he just clams up and I have to respect that. After all, he respects my secrets.

"You sure, Zip, it's really refreshing," I continue, not resisting the urge to tease him a bit more. He shrugs.

"That's okay. Anyway, you sure you should be in there?"

"Why not?"

"Well, your bandage'll get all wet."

"It's waterproof, Zip."

"It could still get through-"

"It hasn't yet," I sigh. "Don't worry about me, Zip-everything's fine. And I mean it this time." I smile at him and he nods, but doesn't look convinced. "Look, I just know it this time."

"How can you be sure, Lara? I don't wanna sound like the doomsday guy or anything, but that's what you said last time, and, well-"

"Look what happened? You saw quite clearly, Zip-hell, you just mentioned it!"

"Lara, I'm just saying, are you sure it's all right this time?"

"Yes!" I snap. Jesus, why won't he get off my case?! He shrugs.

"Just so long as you're certain," he mutters, walking off.

"Zip, wait!" I call, swimming to the ladder. I climb out and wrap a towel around myself. "Look, I know you don't believe me because of what happened last time, but I can assure you, it isn't even crossing my mind, Zip." He just nods again, and walks away wordlessly. I think I'll talk to Alister-he's the only one not accusing me of being manically depressed at the moment!

* * *

As I expected, I find him in the library, talking to his sister-Emily, wasn't it? They sound like they're having a _very_ interesting conversation;

"No, honey, it's not that I don't _like_ her, it's just she's a little…refined." Alister splutters his coffee all over the desk, starting to cough violently.

"Refined?" he repeats sceptically. "You think Lara's _refined?!_"

"Well, I dunno, maybe it's just how she was raised, maybe it's just a show for guests, she just seemed very…well, refined," she argues. Oh really?

"Well, how's that a bad thing?"

"It's not, it's not, really she seems very nice," she tries to recover. I shake my head.

"Besides, I'm refined," he says. She snorts.

"Yeah, sure, honey, and I'm Prime Minister of Canada!"

"It's how I was-"

"Yeah, honey, I might not have known Mom that well, but I sorta got the impression she wasn't the type," Emily says 'sympathetically'.

"Emma-" Oops, sorry, Emma.

"Oh, sweetie, you weren't raised like that. You just put on that stupid accent for college and never really figured how to let go."

"I didn't-"

"Damnit, Alister, you were raised in south London! Not a lot of south Londoners survive with an accent like yours. It's gotta be new!"

"Central London, but that's not the point! Perhaps I picked it up at Oxford, but I certainly didn't create it," he says, sounding hurt. Perhaps I should intervene soon because this sort of recurring argument could go on for hours.

"It's okay if you did," she smiles. Or at least I assume she's smiling. "Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to fit in!"

"You're not helping, Emma."

"Look, honey, I'm sorry if I upset you I just…didn't think it was that big a deal."

"So what were you trying to say?"

"I was just saying that…I don't know what I was saying. I was just arguing that you weren't really like her, because-"

"And how, pray tell, am I like exactly, because you never really explained that part," I cut in. She freezes and slowly turns around. I manage to keep my expression frozen, whereas she just looks horrified. She shoots me a nervous smile and spins around again.

"How long has she been standing there?" she hisses to Alister.

"Since 'no, honey, it's not that I don't like her, she's just a little…refined'," I answer for him.

"Oh…that's good," she says nervously.

"Why, did I miss the really good bit? Such as the part where you explain exactly what you meant? And if I'm talking too refined for you, I do apologise," I say sarcastically, blood boiling.

"No, refined is good," she counters. "Besides I'm used to it-I talk to this guy every week," she points to Alister.

"Funny you say that now, because I heard you counter his comment earlier."

"Look, I'm sorry if I offended you-"

"Oh, not at all. At least you were honest. Not to my face, but it's a start."

"I think I'm gonna go now." I nod.

"You do that. I need to talk to your brother anyhow." She looks uncertain as to how she should react, so she doesn't do or say anything, other than walk out the door, closing it behind her. "Well, that was enlightening," I mutter. "What a great first impression I made."

"Lara-"

"Don't bother, Alister. I don't know why I'm surprised. Everyone's either trying to kill me or find a new lie for their tabloids."

"Um, neither me nor Zip did that," he points out.

"Then you're one of those rare exceptions," I smile. He smirks back. He strokes my cheek gently.

"Don't worry about my sister, Lara," he whispers.

"I wasn't," I assure him, removing his hand, but not letting go. "At least you're not reprimanding me for snapping at her."

"Well, you've been under stress lately, haven't you?" he says kindly. "I was just…making sure." I see his eyes flicker down to my bandaged wrist. It's so brief I'm not sure if I imagined it or not, but years of experience in spotting traps has taught me to always trust my instincts.

"Jesus, not you as well," I sigh angrily, letting go and standing up.

"What-"

"Everyone seems to think I'm bloody suicidal! If it happened once, well, it's just got to happen again hasn't it?! I've just got to explode, lash out and-" I'm interrupted by him grabbing my wrists and pulling me towards him. "Get off-"

"Lara, Lara, calm down," he says. "What's wrong?"

"I'm getting sick and tired of everyone looking at my fucking _wrist_ whenever they talk to me!" I snap, sitting down heavily.

"Who-"

"Zip and Winston. They don't actually voice their concerns but it doesn't take a person with a bloody degree in Psychology to figure out what they're thinking! It's like I'm not Lara anymore-I'm just the suicidal maniac who just happens to be their former friend!"

"Former-Lara, nobody judges you for it…we still love you." At those words, I feel a fresh surge of adrenaline in the pit of my stomach. "We all do."

"You especially," I mutter.

"Well-"

"Don't feel embarrassed, Alister-it was incredibly sweet. Really."

* * *

_Alister's POV_

"Don't feel embarrassed, Alister-it was incredibly sweet. Really." Was? I'm still feeling it, right this second. "And this morning truly was amazing," she finishes. There's that 'was' again. So what's the hidden meaning-it was just a one-night stand?

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asks.

"Well, what would you like me to say, Lara?"

"Well, some feedback would be nice. Or at least acknowledgement that you'd heard me."

"It was an outstanding time, Lara," I agree, not sarcastically. "It really was. Later this morning was quite good, too." She giggles.

"I think I might have gone into overboard there," she says coyly.

"Absolutely not," I smile, taking her into my arms. She doesn't lean into my chest, but instead looks up at me. She really is breathtaking…maybe she is feeling something back…perhaps I wasn't just a way to relieve stress. She reaches up and pecks me on the lips. "It was a nice extra."

"Extra?" she says, sounding confused.

"Sorry, you're right, you're right…that was extremely bad phrasing. I just couldn't think of a better way to say it." In that one sentence, her face goes through a series of expressions. From confused to laughing relief to confused again to downright pissed off.

"I'd have said this morning was all part of it," she counters, removing herself from me.

"That's a new one on me," I remark. "Then again, it's been so long since I've had a one-night stand-"

"One-night…I thought you said you meant it when you said you loved me?"

"I did. I do-"

"Then I'm a bit confused here, Alister. You tell me you love me, you kiss me, you sleep with me-twice!-now you're accusing me of seeing it as a one-night stand, because I _know_ that's not how _you_ feel about it!"

"Lara, come on, you never thought it was serious, did you?"

"Well, yes, actually, I did!" she replies forcefully. Well, that's…surprising. "When you said all those wonderful things, I actually believed them!"

"Lara, I do love you, you know that-I couldn't even begin to express just how much I love you, I-"

"Then, why do you think so little of me?" she asks sadly, sounding genuine.

"Think little of you? Lara-"

"If you honestly think I can respond the way I did and think I only saw it as a one-night stand, I-I really don't know what to say to that," she whispers, looking-for lack of a better word-devastated. She looks like she's trying so hard to keep it in. Now I feel terrible.

"Lara, I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop messing with my head, Alister, please," she says thickly. "When you've sorted it out, tell me." With that, she turns around and walks out of the door, not even slamming it behind her. If I'd made her pissed at me, I could deal with it, but if I made her cry…Jesus what the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't I just get this right?! I should have just stopped at her confusion at the words 'one-night stand'.

What sort of twat am I? I know it was me that got her upset again. Jesus, I should be the one to comfort her rather than be the one to get her in any kind of state in the first place!

I love her. I know I love her, she knows I love her so why am I still messing this up?! Every time I look into those beautiful eyes, I just want to…kiss her, hold her tight, make love to her…just to let her know that she should never feel unloved, just so she knows she will never be alone. That she should never feel sad or depressed, and hell, if she does, I'll be there for her.

I know I haven't worded that well, but it's impossible to describe just how intense those feelings I have are. I didn't kiss her in the hope that it would get to the next stage, I did it because I wanted to express just how much I love her and to be close to her; I don't hold her tight just because she's depressed, but just hold her for the sake of holding her and to be close to her; I didn't make love to her just so I could see her in all her glory or so I could satisfy myself…I did it because I wanted her to wake up feeling happy, safe…and again to be close to her.

Am I being pathetic letting myself have such feelings for someone so far out of my league we're playing a different sport?! Am I being delusional in thinking that she could one day maybe feel the same for me? I realise it would be near impossible for her to love me as much as I love her, or is that just big-headed? I made a rash judgement once, and look what happened there. I know I seem to be under-estimating myself with her, but this time I under-estimated her. I didn't truly think for one second she could like me enough to want to stay with me, if for a short while. I under-estimated her…what would it be? Her commitment, even though that's stupid. Her emotions, her…feelings towards me?

That sounds about right. I under-estimated her feelings towards me…

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I awaken slowly from another dream, again containing my mother. Why do I keep dreaming of her now suddenly? And why do all of them depict our reunion in a bad light? In each and every one, something goes wrong. This one was more watered down than the rest, but I still faced one of my biggest fears…

I turn to face my clock; six-thirty. Am I destined to wake up at the crack of dawn every morning? I suppose yesterday it was a positive thing, but I'd rather not make a habit of it.

I find Zip downstairs, rapidly typing something into the computer. A full screen of different images comes up, all of them containing images from my latest conquest.

"What are you doing?" I say, causing him to jump about a mile in the air.

"Jeez, Lara, don't sneak up on me like that!" he gasps, clutching his chest.

"Sorry," I mutter, unable to contain a giggle. He smirks.

"Whatcha doing down here, anyway? It's like, uh, six-thirty."

"Just couldn't sleep," I shrug. "What about you?"

"Got hungry," he replies, turning back to the screen and shutting it off. "So, you okay?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"You sure? Cos you haven't been sleeping a lot lately-"

"Zip, I'm fine," I sigh. "What were you doing?"

"Just something I've been working on," he says mysteriously. I raise my eyebrows at him, but he just pats his nose with his left index finger. I sigh. "Don't worry, I'll tell you when it's finished."

"Fine. Zip, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"What? When? How?" I smile. He always does that.

"On Sunday morning, you said you needed to talk to me about something. What was it?"

"Oh! Uh, it was nothing. I was just gonna talk to you about this, but I figured cos I'm nearly done, I might as well wait." I nod.

"Fair enough. I'm going to the kitchen."

"Hey, I'll come with you!" he says enthusiastically. I know what he's thinking…kitchen, knives, me acting secretive-you see the connection.

"Zip, I'm only going to get some water," I tell him.

"Yeah, I know, I'm parched," he says. I sigh again.

"So I'll bring some up," I tell him.

"Damnit, Lara, let a guy get a drink!" he says dramatically, placing his hands on his hips. I have to laugh at this, and stop arguing as he follows me down to the kitchen.

"What do you want?" I offer.

"Honey, let me get this." I raise my hands in surrender and sit down on one of the stools. I was planning on making him get them anyway. "So, what would madame like?"

"Oh, how about a chocolate latte with whipped cream, extra marshmallows, chocolate sauce stirred in, one sugar cube and plenty of foamed milk?" I say, managing to keep a straight face.

"Coming up," he says.

"Water will be fine." He smirks and gets a glass from the cupboard, filling it with tap water. "Thank you," I say in an overly posh voice as he hands it to me.

"So…why aren't you sleeping?" I shrug.

"Just…insomnia." He nods, not looking convinced.

"Are you sure? Because it sounds more like nightmares to me."

"And how would you know the difference?"

"I can read the signs, Lara-if you really did just have insomnia, you'd be acting a whole lot more tired. But you're not, which means you've been tossing and turning all night, due to some horrific nightmare."

"Well, no worse than usual," I mutter.

"Ah, there we go-a confession," he says mock triumphantly. "What was it about?"

"My mother," I admit. "And…"

"And…?" he prompts. I shake my head-I don't want to think about it. "Okay, so what about your mother?"

"It's nothing too horrifying, it's just…haunting."

"How?"

"It's just a bit…close to home," I say, shrugging. "Don't worry about me, Zip-things have just been a bit…overwhelming in general. I'll be fine."

"Okay, Lara, but if you ever need to talk-"

"I know, I know, you're there for me. Thanks, Zip," I smile. He smiles back at me and takes my water glass. "So…" I begin to break the silence. "Any big plans for today?"

"Oh, you know, taking Emma to town," he replies casually.

"No, I didn't know-what does Alister think of that?"

"What, like we need his permission?"

"No," I shrug. "I just…wondered. So, you and Emma are getting on okay?"

"Sure, she's cool," he says off-handedly. "What do you think of her?"

"A bit mouthy, but who am I to talk?" I smirk. He chuckles.

"And what's on your agenda?"

"Oh, I thought I'd take a quick field trip to Chile, go shopping in New York and stop off for a quick break in Spain on the way back," I say.

"Have fun," he says. I nod, smirking again.

"Actually, I thought I'd try swimming again," I say seriously.

"Yeah, you were getting on okay with that yesterday," he remarks. "It's gotta be good for your muscles."

"Yes, that's what I was thinking." I smile at him again and stand up. "I think I'll go up to the pool now. Wake me up a bit."

"Okay. Hey, Lara?" I turn and he pulls me into a hug. I hug him back, sinking into it. "Don't freak out again, okay?"

"I'm not going to try it again, Zip," I sigh.

"But you've never really talked about it-"

"Maybe there's a reason," I say, pulling away from him. "The wound's literally still fresh, Zip-"

"But, Lara, you gotta understand how we feel. I know how unbelievably selfish that sounds, but for us, it's like-one minute you seem fine, maybe a little depressed but not too bad, you know. Then you go and try to kill yourself…" he trails off. "So, if you're not gonna talk about it, which is cool, are you at least glad that Alister got to you when he did?"

He's the first person to have asked me that. I must admit, it's very thought provoking. Am I glad Alister saved my life? Or do I just wish he'd let me get on with it?

Had I died, who's to say I would have ended up in Avalon anyway? I mean, let's face it, I'm not exactly sin-free. I'm guilty of a number of those Ten Commandments. On the other hand, do they rule it all? And who's to say that there's even hell? Avalon could just be _the_ afterlife, where I would have been reunited with my mother…and all those others I've killed.

I've always prided myself on taking the challenging route-would suicide have been that route? No, it was the easy way out. And even if I had gone to Avalon, who's to say my mother would even recognise me? She didn't through the portal…in all my dreams she has recognised me, but also, she's rejected me in some form or another. What if I got there, obviously trapped for all eternity, and found that…she wasn't the mother I remembered, the one I'd dreamed of. At least if I used Excalibur, there may be some hope of return. If I'd died, I would have been stuck.

"Yes," I answer honestly. For a number of other reasons as well, of course-Alister's confession being the highlighted one. Although, what's going to happen now? He accused me of a one-night stand, I stormed off and haven't spoken to, or even seen, him since.

But the man said he loved me…and he sounded genuine. Personally, yes, I am a bit…freaked out as Zip would say about this whole thing. It's not everyday your best friend confesses his true love for you, as Emmerdale like as I sound. I'm still trying to go over it in my head, but each time I think about yesterday morning-the kisses, the love-making…I get butterflies in my stomach and light up. I can't help but smile as I think about it.

I don't want this to be sabotaged.

_So why don't you tell him that?_

Oh God, are you back?

_I'm just your conscience, Lara. I'm only voicing what you know inside._

Yes, being particularly influential with the contemplation of suicide.

_That was just the depression talking._

Oh Jesus, I'm going mad again. I am still arguing with a voice in my head…but I don't care! Alister's told me he loves me, we've already 'expressed ourselves' to put it lightly and I'm contradicting myself with a phantom voice! Although for once it has a good point-I should tell Alister how I feel. Minus the voice in my head part, preferably. I'm sure he'd still love me-after this long, it would only be a minor setback-but even Alister would tire of visiting me at St George's Psychiatric Institute.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

"Mr Fletcher, a young woman on the phone for you," Winston tells me. I nod and smile in thanks. Who could be calling me?

I get up and take the receiver off his silver tray. "Thank you, Winston," I say, by means of dismissal. He bows curtly and exits. "Hello?"

"All right, stranger?" a familiar voice drawls. "Your butler says the sweetest things-do you know, that's the third time he's called me 'young woman'."

"Who's this?" I say uncertainly.

"It's Eve-Adam's done a runner and I'm feeling a bit lonely. I'll see you in Eden by the forbidden tree-naked." My heart does flips and somersaults as I realise-Marina.

"Hi, Marina," I begin awkwardly. "Are you feeling neglected, then?"

"Oh, I'll get over it," she says, in a tough-love way. "But you know, I wasn't joking about the forbidden tree bit." She gives a small giggle, and I join in, feeling awkward and embarrassed. "So, how's tricks?"

"Oh, you know, the usual," I reply. Jesus, this is so awkward. Do I tell her it's over, or do I hold on to her…her feelings are mutual to mine. "What about you?"

"Well, I made the big mistake of covering a shift down in Children's last night-got thrown up on about six times. All the dears had been to a birthday party serving dodgy hamburgers, and they've all got bloody food poisoning! I will never know what possessed me to agree."

"Oh, perhaps a moment of weakness?"

"Or such sheer boredom it sounded like fun. You said you'd call me."

"I did?"

"Ah, typical bloke-doesn't remember a thing. Not a one-night stander, though-unless your idea of a one-night stand is shagging me, going out with me again and…actually that sounds about right. Thought you'd come back for seconds?"

"Marina, it wasn't like that. I did just genuinely forget, I'm sorry."

"All right, all right, I believe you," she says in a mock-surrendering tone. "Anyway, that aside, Thursday was really fun."

"Yes. I had a good time," I say absent-mindedly. As I'm sure you've guessed, only one event sticks in my mind for Thursday.

"Good? Well, it's better than 'totally crap' I suppose."

"Sorry, it's just-"

"What? You got home and threw up all over the floor? Join the club, mate." I squinch my nose upon hearing that.

"Not quite that, no."

"Good-I was kidding." I smile. "So, what did happen?"

"I've just been a bit pre-occupied, that's why I'm not-"

"Obviously. You didn't even get back to me on the Eve comment. I'm surprised you didn't start some religious debate with me. What's on your mind?"

"Oh, it's nothing that would bother you. I don't mean that in a nasty way."

"Come on, I'm a good listener. I won't laugh, I promise."

"I wasn't exactly laughing either," I mutter, remembering that night, how scared I felt.

"You can tell me," she coaxes. "I'll listen."

"Marina, trust me you don't want to know," I warn her.

"Alister-"

"I mean it."

"So do I-tell me-"

"She tried to commit suicide!" I burst out, a few sudden tears welling unexpectedly up. I hear her gasp.

"Who?"

"Lara. You remember her?"

"Jesus Christ! Oh my-oh, are you all right?"

"Honestly-no."

"Aw, fuck me, Alister, I'm so sorry, really-I had no idea."

"I know, which was partly my fault-"

"Don't you dare start apologising. I don't blame you for being pre-occupied. Is she all right?"

"I think so, yes," I tell her.

"Well, what about you? How do you feel about it?" she asks.

"I'm shocked," I admit. "I didn't think-I mean, why would she do it?"

"Maybe because she put all her fucking trust in an absolute arsehole," she says. What-oh dear God. I look up to see Lara standing opposite me, looking betrayed and livid at the same time.

"Marina, I'll have to get back to you," I tell her, begging Lara with my eyes not to go anywhere. She stays in one spot thankfully, though not getting any happier.

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later," she says, hanging up.

"Who was that?" Lara asks automatically.

"Marina, from the-"

"Oh, the nurse? The one you went out with on Thursday?" I nod. "Remember Thursday quite clearly, do you?"

"Lara, I'm-"

"You know what, I'm not even going to waste my breath shouting at you, so I'm just going to cut to the chase-why the hell did you tell her?"

"Lara, it just came out, I didn't know what I was saying, I-"

"Funny, because you looked pretty damn relieved like you'd got it off your chest."

"Well, it has been bothering me, so-"

"Therefore, it didn't just 'come out'!" she snaps. "Why _her_ of all people, Alister?! Why not Zip or even Winston-why your ex-girlfriend?!"

"Because she was the only one who seemed to care how I feel!" I retort. "Yes, we all understand how depressed you were, Lara, but you've shut yourself off, so how can we possibly-"

"You never even tried!" she screeches. "No-one actually thought to _ask _me how I was feeling! You all just automatically thought I was manically depressed, that you should just be careful around me, but no-one had the decency to _ask!_"

"You were shutting yourself off, Lara, you didn't give us a cha-"

"No, Alister, you never gave _me_ a chance!" she rages.

"All right," I surrender. "All right, tell me, Lara, how are you feeling about this whole thing?!"

"Honestly? I feel shit about it!" she admits fiercely. "I feel shit for having done it, I feel shit about everything that led to me doing it, I feel shit about this fucking scar that will serve as a constant ugly reminder of the whole thing, but right now, what I feel most shit about is _ever_ having trusted you!"

"Lara-"

"Do you know why I came up here?" she says out of the blue. I shake my head. "I came up here to tell you how good I was feeling about yesterday, how happy I was about us, that your little fears of it being a one-night stand was just pure, irrational negativity…now I just feel like I hate you for putting me through all this." Each words tugs harder and harder at my heart until it feels like it will just burst or fall out of my body.

"Putting you through what, Lara?"

"You know what, it doesn't even matter, Alister," she says.

"Yes it does," I argue. "Tell me."

"Well, let's see, you act like the best friend I could ever have, someone I thought I could trust, then you act like a total prick, so much you drove me to... you know, on top of everything else bothering me, you tell me you love me, you sleep with me, you accuse me of seeing it as one-night stand then you go and tell bloody Marina what happened! Did I miss anything?" The way she puts it, she makes me sound like a horrible person. Jesus, I am a horrible person. "And I just don't know what to think anymore. You know what, the sooner things get back to bloody normal around the better, because I just can't deal with this anymore!"

She storms out of the library, but instead of letting her go, I do what I should have done yesterday-I follow her. "Lara!" I shout after her, following her down the hallway.

"Piss off!" she yells back. I catch up to her easily, grab her wrists and push her up against the wall, to try and calm her down. We look at each other, her looking furious when we suddenly find ourselves kissing furiously, letting all the energy out. I release her wrists and she wraps her arms around me, following my lead.

We break apart, panting, but our lips meet again, with as much rage and passion as before.

I feel her fighting against me, and I break off again, looking into her eyes. She shakes her head, and pushes me away and stalks wordlessly off. I lean against the wall, sighing, and make up my mind to follow her again.

"Lara, what just happened there?" I contradict when I barge into her room.

"It was completely inappropriate," she replies, walking into her massive wardrobe.

"I wasn't the only one there, Lara-you felt it, too, I know you did."

"Well, so what if I did? I was the only one with enough responsibility to end it."

"It wasn't responsibility throwing you off, Lara, it was something else."

"Well, there was also the tiny factor that I'm still pissed at you."

"Why?"

"You betrayed me! You say you love me, then you go and tell one of my biggest secrets to some nurse you went out with once!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but all of your secrets seem to be your biggest!" I snap.

"Oh, so you wouldn't call a suicide attempt particularly big? You wouldn't call being raped as a teenager horrifyingly scarring and traumatic? Those are my biggest secrets, Alister, and I made the huge mistake of telling you about them!"

"I was witness to one of them if you remember!"

"Yes, when you declared your love for me when, for all you knew, I could have been dying! A bit late, wouldn't you say?"

"Well, that was my biggest secret!"

"But I didn't tell anyone! I'm a bit more committed!"

"Wait, are you actually questioning my commitment?" I gasp.

"Well, why not? It seems the only thing you've truly stuck to over the last six years has been your dissertation," she says, coming out.

"And helping you!"

"Correction-helping me with a severe dry spell right in the middle! Two years, wasn't it?"

"I didn't stop loving you," I point out.

"All right, then, you've managed to keep two things, but it's not exactly a great record, is it?"

"Okay," I admit. "I cocked up this time, I shouldn't have told her, you're right, I _am_ sorry. Look, perhaps we should just start again, I-"

"I think it would be a lot simpler if we were to forget the whole thing," she says plainly.

"Is that what you really want?" I ask dumbstruck.

"Good question. At one point, what I really wanted was to die, at one point, what I really wanted was to be with you…I just don't know anymore, Alister. Right now, what I really want is for things to get back to normal, and while we're fighting like this, that's not going to happen."

* * *

_Lara's POV_

He gives me such a look, it would make an unrepentant convict feel guilty! I'm starting to make a habit out of breaking people's hearts. He doesn't even say anything to that-he continues giving me that look. "I would kill for you, Lara," he whispers. It's breaking my heart to do this, but if this goes on, I could end up too depressed again. We're both too argumentative.

I shake my head. "You wouldn't," I say, feeling heavy inside. "You're too sweet. Just not sweet enough to keep my secrets. That is, after all, what sabotaged it."

He gives me one last look and leaves wordlessly, leaving me in another bout of personal torment. I sink to the floor, leaning against the wall, and begin to cry.

_Nice work, Lara._

Oh shut up! You're not helping! If you're really my conscience, do something to help me instead!

_How? You made me, I just tell you what you don't want to hear, but what you need to know._

Well screw you.

_He's not going to return, Lara._

Do I care?!

_You look and sound it._

Well, you know what, it's probably a good thing! I said I wanted things back to normal-that wasn't normal.

_What, a man falling in love with a woman and telling her so?_

All right, I want things as they were before, then.

_He was still in love with you before-you just didn't know it._

Well I really wish it had stayed that way.

_Do you?_

No. No, I don't, not one bit…

"_Mother?" I call again. It's so dark and dusty. Perhaps she's just playing with me. "Mother? Mother, where are you?" I don't hear anything…she's really good at this game. "Mother? Mother!"_

"_Mother, I'm getting scared!" I shout. "Mother, please, stop this now! Mother!" I run out of the room and back to the hall with the broken bridge. It's over a very big hole-maybe she's hiding there._

"_Mother!" I call as I lean over the railing. I can't see her, it's so dark. "Mother!" I can't see her anywhere and she's not shouting back. "Mother, I don't know where to look. Please tell me!" I know that would be cheating but I'm getting so scared! "Please, mother, tell me. I don't know where to look."_

_Suddenly, the whole ground around me crumbles and rocks fall into the pit. "Lara, get out of there!" Alister cries. I spot a fairly steady pillar to my left and hop to it, and jump again to the right._

_I continue jumping across all the stones until I finally reach the fully broken bridge end. I pull myself up and brush dirt off my jacket. "So, what's happening now?" Zip asks._

"_We're going back to Bolivia," I reply. "Then we'll see." I tread out of the monastery, shivering occasionally and reach the slope. Will my grapple be able to cling to the ice? I attempt the climb when I think it's steady enough._

_I'm halfway there, when suddenly I hear a loud gunshot, causing me to lose my grip and fall back down the slope-_

I sit up hurriedly. Another dream of mine I haven't had in a while. Well, not the second half-that's a new one. That gunshot sounded so real, so close…like it wasn't just a dream.

Oh, stop being so dramatic! It was a dream and my imagination is _far_ too over-active. I lie back down in bed, shifting position to get comfortable, when I hear a loud _bang! _I sit up again, instinctively grabbing for the guns I keep under one my pillows. I hear a slam as though someone were shutting a car door. Who would be coming at this time of night?

Oh Christ…I know exactly who would have such flexible hours…mercenaries.

I climb out of bed and go over to the window. I can't see any cars or vans, but I definitely heard a door slam.

A loud creak brings my attention back to my room. What if the door slamming was the front door? I creep slowly and silently towards my door and press a hand against the knob, gently twisting until I open it forcefully, in the hope that if I didn't knock one out, I at least stunned one of them, making it easier for me to attack.

I look into the hallway, gun drawn and see-nothing. I hear…nothing.

"I'm going crazy," I mutter, turning around and come face to face with an armed, uniformed man! Shit! I point my loaded guns at him, but as usual, this doesn't throw them off. I suppose this is what they sign up for. So why hasn't he shot me yet? He's looking intently at something behind me. I slowly turn my head, keeping one eye on the mercenary and look at the empty hallway. I turn around and find him lifting a heavy object above my head, ready to smash it down. I shoot three shots, right into his skull, and he falls to the floor, the object landing on his head.

If he wasn't dead before, he certainly would be now.

"He did say don't kill unless she tries to attack, right?" I hear one whisper behind me. I spin around and march out into the hall, shooting both of them on sight.

"My motto exactly," I smirk, inspecting the bodies. Both of them have loaded Uzis-obviously too immature to handle machine guns. Not to mention stupid enough to make themselves heard. Bloody amateurs.

"Well," I sigh, though not able to contain a smile. "Here we go again." I did say I wanted things back to normal.

_As I was saying before...um...well you got the gist. Anyways, you know the drill...if you loved it, tell me and you get chocolates and plushies...if you think there was too much fluff, tell me and I'll do better next time and send you a plushie for your honesty...if you absolutely hate it, tell me but no chocolates or plushies for you! lolx everyone!_


	14. The Stalker Returns

_Disclaimer: As much fun as it is throwing in mini-stories here, this chapter's long enough and I'm sure by now you've guessed I don't own it! Also, I'm completely out of smart comments-thank you!_

_Team-chaser: I had a very interesting conversation with Timeless4Life-she warned me about the plushies, and I have defences, so don't waste the plushies-also I think I deserve some slack for getting this up in a week! Btw, I'm glad the thirteenth was worth it, cos I really wasn't sure-thanx lol! (and waddaya mean 'gollum?!')_

_The Third Demi-God: More bad guys in this one...briefly (ish) and I love the love triangle! And just out of curiosity-who do you think is appearing soon, cos I'm intrigued...lolx Thanx!_

_A/N As always, I'm not done babbling! This chapter is slightly more...graphic, shall we say-nothing too horrifying, just a little forewarning...okay, read and weep, people & cos you've all been so brilliant, I updated faster! lolx!

* * *

__Emma's POV_

What _is _that? That stupid banging woke me up! Okay, so I had to pee anyway, but now it's just getting really annoying! Is it Lara? Alister told me she's kinda athletic and she likes to work out at weird times. How about doing it a little quieter?!

I crawl out of the bed. Damnit, it's cold! And it's only half-past two in the goddamn morning! I don't even pull on a dressing gown as I leave the room. I'm not sure what I'm gonna say if I see her, but…well, it's better to move about than to try and go to sleep with all this stupid banging! I can tell her to pipe down!

I hear another loud bang. My God, what is she doing, knocking the damn house down?!

I hear another noise. Okay, now this is getting freaky. Was that a gunshot? Is she shooting something? Why did I have to wake up? Why couldn't I just stay dreaming about…okay, so it wasn't a cool dream, but it's better than wandering about, worried that she'll shoot me if I get in her way!

_BANG!_

Jesus, that was so close! Is there someone else here? "H-hello?" I call out. I hear footsteps…footsteps coming from through the door right ahead of me. "Who's there?" I whisper, now starting to feel really freaked. I grope around in the dark for something to use as a weapon, and find a…umbrella? What's she got an umbrella here for?! Oh whatever, it'll do!

Shit, they're coming closer. What do I mean 'they'? It's gotta be Lara…who else can it be? I hold the umbrella tighter, raising it over my shoulders as I edge nearer to the door. Whoever it is is _not_ gonna scare me! No, I'm gonna beat 'em to it!

Suddenly the door bangs open and I feel someone grab my throat with a single hand. I drop the umbrella as I try to scream but find a gun pressed against my temple! I whimper.

"Jesus Christ, Emma! What are you doing?!" someone curses, letting go of me. Who is-is that Lara?

"Lara? What was _that?!_" I say angrily.

"I thought you were someone else!" she says, just as pissed.

"_Who?!_" I screech. "Who in this house would you want to try and strangle…or shoot?"

"With any luck, the same one who's trying to shoot me," she mutters. Wha-what's she talking about? She sees my confusion and smiles. Is she kidding? "Sorry, I forgot you're unfamiliar with this side of my lifestyle."

"What side?" I have to ask.

"The side where I fight for my life regularly because of extremely petty men sending their often extremely inexperienced mercenaries after me." She's smiling-this has gotta be a joke. "The less refined side, shall we say?"

"Honey, please tell me you're kidding." She shakes her head. "Wait, so this has happened before?"

"I've lost count," she shrugs, then spins around. I know, I heard it, too. She raises her gun-where the heck did that even come from?!-and aims at the now closed door. She moves herself so she's right in front of me. "Don't make any sudden movements," she warns me.

"What, cos they'll get me?"

"And also because I won't be shielding you anymore." I nod, starting to feel more and more terrified. But she's acting so cool about this-how can she so cool with it?! Was she serious when she said she'd lost count? She had to be-she's really taking this in her stride.

I snap out of my thoughts as she fires and I hear someone slump to the floor. I look over and see it's just a mercenary-that could so easily have been Alister or Zip or even that butler guy! "How did you know that wasn't Alister or someone?" I ask as she disarms him. A little late.

"Ooh, an experienced one. You'd think he'd have had the sense to not-"

"How did you know-"

"Because he was moving along far too quietly," she answers. "If it had been Zip or Alister, they wouldn't have tried to be discrete at all. As far as this lot are concerned, I'm the only one awake, therefore the one target. Let's keep it that way. Oh shit, Zip and Alister!"

"What-you forgot-"

"It's been a long time since I've been visited at home. Usually they just try to kill me mid-mission." She's being so calm and brave about this. "Shit, I need to get them out."

"Outside?" She starts to nod, then stops. She walks toward the window and sighs.

"That's where you were hiding, you sneaky bastards," she says under her breath. "Okay, scratch outside-bad idea."

"Then, where are we-what are we supposed to do?" I say frantically. She shushes me.

"It's not the best tactic them sneaking about, but they're not as experienced as me, so will follow any sound-including a very loud voice!" I nod.

"Sorry."

"And in answer to your question-oh, this is tricky. There is one thing…it's not particularly pleasant or hygienic…but it's a lot of fun."

"What is?"

"We shoot our way out." I begin to nod then-

"Wait, what?!"

"They've covered the entire mansion, there's nowhere to hide even if it was a realistic option…so if we want to get out alive, the only possible way is a shoot-out."

"Literally shooting our way out?"

"You learn fast." She goes towards the wall and opens a closet. Where did _that_ come from? She throws me a handgun.

"I don't know how to use this!" I hiss.

"And hopefully you won't need to. It's just there in case you do."

"How do I-"

"Release the safety, aim and fire." I shake my head.

"This is crazy."

"Well, look it's either shoot our way out or wait here for them to come and get us all at once and try to tackle them all-which do you prefer?"

"The first," I say meekly.

"Brilliant. I guess we'd better awaken the boys-they won't want to miss this," she smiles. I can't even try to smile back. I just nod. She goes to the door and kicks it open, aiming her gun at the hall. "Clear. Alister's room is down the hallway-go and wake him up and give him this gun," she tells me.

"And what about if there are mercenaries in there?"

"There won't be, I promise. And if they are, that's what the gun's for."

"Lara, I can't do this."

"You can!" she insists, grabbing my shoulders. "I don't want to seem harsh, but unless you want a higher chance of dying, you've got to pull it together…and for God's sake, _stick_ together!" I nod again. "His room's to the right."

"Where are you going?"

"Are you kidding-can't miss the action." She runs off quietly in the opposite direction. Oh my God, Emma-what _have_ you got yourself into this time?!

* * *

_Lara's POV_

You can always tell when someone's never even seen a mercenary before…they act like Emma did just now. Shivery, confused, frightened-well, all right, it is scary, but where would the thrill be otherwise? It surprises me that she didn't start arguing 'but we're murdering them'-most newcomers do.

Alister's room at the back of the house, so there's only one way to go on from there-the way I've come, and by the time they get here, all of our mercenary friends should have been dealt with. Besides, Alister knows the drill…it's not his first 'visit'. It's the first shoot-out, I'll admit, but the concept's easy enough. You just shoot everyone except those on your team until they're all dead. Messy, but brilliant fun once you get into it.

I sneak down the hallway, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Not many mercenaries will have had enough training to hear me when I creep along as silently as I am now. It's surprising I haven't met anyone yet. I'm close to Zip's room, and his is at the other end of the house. Maybe they're all waiting for me downst-

A bullet hits the wall narrowly missing me. Spoke too soon-either that or one of my friends needs laser eye surgery. I spin around as more bullets are released. I shoot at will until no more gunshots can be heard. You might think that was a cruel ambush-four of them, but it's nothing new. I inspect their bodies for better quality guns. Ooh, a machine gun-that's a bit formal. I'm sorely tempted to take it, but I think I'll stick with my trusty pistols-much smaller and easier to control. Not to mention they don't run out of ammo so easily.

As I hear another gunshot behind me, I duck instinctively. Fortunately, the shooter has extremely poor aim. I roll over and fire, hitting his chest. Right in the heart…I can't just leave the poor sod to bleed it out. I walk closer and fire another shot into his head. Yep-definitely dead now. I must be getting old-I've never been quite so nice before.

I follow the hallway to Zip's room, taking out more mercenaries on the way. Oh, lovely-six of them lying in wait for me at the end of the hall. I hope they realise they've basically cornered themselves.

I smirk and fire a 'warning' shot into the closest one's head. The others react automatically, firing aimlessly, bullets flying everywhere. I'm not as nimble as I was before. I manage to flip to one side whilst shooting, but that didn't do my legs any favours. Shit, I'm still not strong enough!

I throw myself onto the floor, and roll over to an alcove, still shooting. There's still two standing. One of them 'creeps' up to the alcove, but I'm ready. One quick fire in the head is all that's needed. He thinks I've surrendered. Amateur.

I jump out at the last minute, guns firing when Zip walks out! He jumps backwards into his room. I start giggling as soon as the mercenary's been taken care of. "Jesus, Lara!" he curses.

"Had a bit of a fall there, Zip?" I smirk as he comes out.

"What the _hell _were you doing?" I point to the dead bodies with my eyes. He does a double take. "Jesus, they're making house calls?"

"Apparently. I have to admit, I've been wondering where these chaps were. I've been expecting them."

"Who from?"

"Oh nobody in particular-just some unfinished business or a new friend…either suits me. You might want to grab a gun-they're having a little party downstairs."

"Shit, what about Emma?"

"I left her down Alister's corridor. He knows the drill, and I checked it was clear first. I'd better be heading back, though. I didn't do anything about the staircase."

* * *

_Alister's POV_

It's not very pleasant being woken from a nice dream by a petrified, incoherent sister babbling on about mercenaries, holding a gun to you and shouting 'we're all gonna die!' It wasn't that easy to calm said incoherent sister, babbling on about mercenaries, holding a gun to you and shouting 'we're all gonna die!' She's still panicking now-what did Lara say to her? Normally with mercenaries, Lara's the optimist.

We haven't actually come across any mercenaries thus far, thankfully. I'm on full alert, though, just like I was taught in a crash course by Zip once. Always sneak about-mercenaries don't tend to be able to detect you if you're extremely sneaky and quiet. Second, try and stick together-mercenaries are like sharks, they don't like their prey when they've got company with them.

"Alister, do you actually know what you're doing?" Emma whispers as I creep around the corner.

"Not really, no," I say honestly. I'm just mimicking the movements Zip taught me and scenes from James Bond. I hear her sigh frustratedly, yet scared. "Do you?"

"No! But I don't _supposedly_ know the drill!" she hisses.

"Who told you that?"

"Lara did!"

"She was just saying that to calm you."

"Well she was doing a much better job than you are now!"

"At least I _am_ calm!"

"Excuse me for never having been attacked by mercenaries before," she retorts sarcastically. "I know it's extremely inconsiderate of me, but there you go."

"Emma?"

"What?"

"Shut up." She huffs a bit but stays silent. At least she's not panicking (so much) anymore. It helps me if she's calm-not because it gets me wound up, but if I'm busy trying to sort her out, I'm not on full alert to protect her when necessary. I see that as my duty-one that I'm willing to do-to protect my sister. And Lara…except she doesn't want protecting. She claims she doesn't need it, but she does…she does.

Suddenly we hear a loud creak. Emma gasps and spins around, pointing her gun shakily at the source. I doubt it was a mercenary-they don't tend to be loud when on a job. I hear a small click as she releases the safety on her gun. "Emma, be careful it's not-"

Everything happens so fast-the door bangs open, followed by a loud gunshot, then a loud clatter from something metal followed by a loud groan. "Oh my God, honey, I'm so sorry!" Emma gasps. "Alister, I almost shot the butler!"

"Oh, no worries, Miss Fletcher," I hear Winston say. "I'm quite accustomed to being target practice."

"What?"

"Why do you think I carry this tray with me all the time?"

"I always thought it was because you're so darn efficient."

"No, just so darn paranoid," he smiles. She gives a small laugh. "So what on earth is going on? I may be used to being target practice, but never quite so late. Or early, depending on how you look at it-"

"Winston, perhaps you'd like to join our team?" I suggest. "We could do with a shield."

"Oh, I don't think this tray is large enough, Mr Fletcher."

"No, but you've got more in the store cupboard, haven't you?"

"Oh yes, that's true. I'll go and retrieve them." We hear him amble off down the hallway,

"Oh my God, you guys were serious," Emma says as he returns with trays and three army hats.

"Well of course we were," Winston replies seriously. "You must never enter a battlefield unarmed. The unspoken rule of the military."

"Wait, you were in the army?"

"Many years ago, yes-would you care for a green or a brown helmet?"

"Brown's good."

"Ah, excellent-I have such a fondness of green." I can't help but smirk at their banter as he passes me my tray and my own helmet.

"Are we ready, troops?" I ask.

"Hey, who put you in charge?" Emma questions.

"Miss Fletcher, you never question the sergeant," Winston scolds.

"Sorry. Ready, _sir!_"

"Winston, are you ready?" I check.

"As I'll ever be, Mr Fletcher, as I'll ever be."

"That's sergeant to you, Winston. Emma, you all right?"

"Are you kidding? I'm holding a gun for the first time of my life, wearing an army hat and using a tray as a shield from mercenary bullets-what's not to be cool about?"

"That's the spirit, Miss Fletcher," Winston smiles.

"Good. Let's go." Hang on, hang on. "Winston, have you got a gun?"

"My shotgun, sir."

"Since when did you have a shotgun?" I ask.

"Since Lara permitted me to own it, now can we move?" I nod, and open the door ahead of me, to a darkened corridor. There's no signs of any mercenaries yet, but they can be surprisingly nimble, and very good at hiding in the shadows.

"Stay alert," I tell them, half-expecting Emma to crack; 'what's a lert?' but she doesn't. She's being serious for the first time I've known her.

We press through the corridor, not meeting anyone. We pass several closed doors, but if there were any mercenaries behind them, they would have come out by now, wouldn't they? They're nimble but not often subtle creatures.

Suddenly, one of the doors bang open and three mercenaries come running out. Before I've even had time to react, I hear three shots coming from Winston's shotgun, followed by three groans as they slump to the floor. "Are they dead?" Emma asks stupidly.

"Goodness, no, dear," Winston says. "These are simply tranquilliser bullets, containing enough fluid to knock them cold for a few hours. I only kill when absolutely necessary, besides they may prove useful should Lara wish to interrogate one of them." She nods, but is looking frightened again. I want to put my arm around her, but she's doing so well at keeping it together. An act of kindness could send her over the edge.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Zip and I have been extremely fortunate. We've dealt with no more than four mercenaries, each of them on their own. This is getting too easy. I suspect they're all gathered in the hall-the word of a shoot-out having spread-waiting…

We're nearing the main staircase. As soon as we're through that door to our left, I can almost guarantee a ring of fire aimed at us. It won't be pleasant, but we'll have to deal with it.

As we edge to the door, both tense, I hear something. Someone sneaking about, the sound coming from the door right in front of us. To our left is the hall-right ahead of us is just a shortcut to the other side of the house. "Zip?" I whisper, gesturing to the door. He looks up and listens.

"Stay here," he whispers.

"As if!" I snort. "Do you not know me?"

"Sorry. Okay, I'll go first."

"Whatever happened to ladies first?" I smirk. He sighs, but not in a frustrated away. Actually, I think he finds it very amusing. I grip my gun and approach the door and see the doorknob turning. I motion for Zip to duck into the alcove as I stay to the side of the door. I reach out my hand to twist it when suddenly, the door bangs open. I automatically hold my gun up, and three people wearing army hats and bearing trays come rushing out, screaming war cries. I look at Zip and he looks at me, carrying the classic 'uh…' expression. I can't help but laugh as the figures turn around and I recgonise them.

"Very innovative," I smile, holstering my gun.

"You guys played dress-up without _me_?!" Zip says, mock-hurt.

"Well, you were such a bitch at the last tea-party," Alister mutters. I smirk and I hear a snort coming from Emma.

"And, Winston, you let _them_ wear your army hat, but when I asked-nooo!"

"That's because, if you remember, you wanted them for the sole purpose of tricking Mr Fletcher into wearing one so that you could test whether he'd notice being hit with a baseball bat or not," Winston replies. Zip shrugs.

"What-" Alister begins, but Winston cuts him off.

"At least now they are being put to good use."

"You call testing their strength not good use?" Zip argues.

"Boys," I sigh.

"Sorry," Zip smirks. "Okay, any joy?"

"Well, Winston knocked about three of them out," Emma begins. "Then we all came down here, thought you were mercenaries and came charging out. And that's when the weird conversation started."

"At least we didn't miss the good bit," I mutter.

"The good bit?" Alister questions uneasily.

"The shoot-out," I remind him.

"I thought that's what we've been doing."

"Oh no, those were just warm-ups. Now we come to the race."

"I didn't sign up for this," Emma mutters.

"Nor did I, but it's a fact of life-deal with it." She shrugs. "Are we all ready?"

"Absolutely," Emma says confidently.

"Would it be too late to suggest simply calling the police?" Alister asks.

"As I'll ever be," Winston replies.

"Bring it on," Zip smiles. I smile. At least I can count on this lot.

_Relax, Lara, you've done shoot-outs before_

Oh, you're back, are you?

_Just boosting your confidence_

I'd have said you were having the complete opposite effect.

What am I doing?! Pull yourself together, girl-you've got to stay focused! I look around at everyone, my 'troops' and nod…

I kick the door down and run out, being hailed by bullets as soon as my feet have contact with the carpet. I flip sideways, landing on my feet and drop to my stomach to shoot them from between the banisters. Zip covers himself behind one of the wooden supports pillars, shooting when he can. The other three are holding their trays up, shooting over the top of them. As touching as it is, it's not working. They're all (with the exception of Winston and maybe Zip) so inexperienced with targeting, all they're doing is distracting the mercenaries. Wait, that's it…

I climb onto the railing, still shooting furiously. "Lara, what the heck-" Zip starts.

"Keep focused, Zip!" I scold. By some miracle, I seem to have been almost forgotten-their eyes are trained on the trays being used as shield. Whoever sent them is one bloodthirsty bastard if they want us _all _dead!

I take a leap to the chandelier and manage to land on the beam just above it without breaking it. How handy I had that beam installed-it's so I can move it whenever I need to. And now I definitely do.

With one swift kick, the thing gets moving, barely giving me time to jump on it before it goes out of my reach. Still none of them have-shit, he's seen me. Forgetting my original, slower idea of just unscrewing the thing, I begin shooting at it instead, while trying to dodge his bullets. The good thing about having my back-up is not all of the mercenaries can deal with me at once.

Suddenly, I feel a searing pain in my left arm as one of his bullets makes contact with my skin. Bollocks-that's already my weak arm!

The bullets don't seem to be working, so instead I whack the weak spot with my gun, finally causing the chandelier to drop, landing right on top of some of them. I hold on while I can, but flip off before it hits the floor. The few remaining turn all their attention to me, but I can handle them. Besides, I've got my friends above.

They all run down the stairs towards me, aiding me in my final battle to bring down those last few mercenaries. Well, what I hope are the last few…

When they're all down, we all breathe sighs of relief, releasing breaths we didn't know we'd been holding. "Don't relax yet," I warn them. "There could be more outside. Or in parts of the house we haven't covered."

"Actually, we took the scenic route through the house-we didn't find anyone," Alister tells me. I nod. At least the house is relatively secure now. As for the grounds…well, all in a day's work. "Lara, have you been shot?"

"It's nothing new-I'm sure some of you got a few bullet wounds as well." They all shake their heads. I sigh. It was just a bullet to the arm-no big deal. "Anyway, never mind this now-we need to check outside."

"There aren't any, Lara," Zip tells me.

"And just how can you be so sure?"

"Cos the damn bastards are driving away," he smirks, motioning me to the window. Bloody cowards.

"That was easier than I thought it would be," I sigh. "I'm going to take a shower."

"What about-" Zip begins.

"I'll deal with it later."

"Lara, it's a bullet, just let-" Alister interrupts.

"Ten minutes isn't going to make a difference!" I snap. I turn away from them and begin heading upstairs, turning to the left back to my room. I hear a few mutterings, but I ignore them. I just don't have the energy right now. Even though that's the easiest shoot-out I've ever been through, it also feels like the most exhausting. It's really not the best time to be tested physically-weak arm and recovering legs. I'm a wreck.

I climb out of the shower, feeling much more relaxed and alert afterwards. There's something so soothing about the right temperature of water landing all over your body.

As I didn't have the sense to grab a towelling robe, I dry myself off with one of the smaller towels and throw my pyjamas back on. I probably would have gone back to bed after I'd dried my hair anyway.

I walk down the hallway back to my room when I suddenly stumble. What the-oh, it's just a mercenary. I guess we'll dispose of them tomorrow. Shame I couldn't keep one alive-I'd have enjoyed an interrogation. Oh, didn't Emma say Winston had knocked three of them out? At least he's got foresight!

The mercenary's breathing. He must be one of the drugged ones. I know the chemicals knock them cold for hours, but I still don't feel happy about leaving him here on the floor, unsupervised. Perhaps I should at least tie him up.

I continue walking down the hall, but take a right to one of the storage cabinets. I always keep the essentials in them-mops, brooms, guns…lengths of rope. I take two of them and head back to where I found the mercenary, ignoring my left arm screaming in protest. I probably should have let someone remove the bullet, but I'm so sick of needing to be helped! I know it was irresponsible, immature, but…forget it. I'm also getting sick of judging myself and having to justify myself. It's how I feel-deal with it!

I come back into the hallway where I found the mercenary and scan the room for him. He was-he was just here! I saw him! I saw him right there only a moment ago. Oh shit…either I'm going mad or the bugger's managed to throw off the drugs! I'd better alert the others we've got potentially three stray mercenaries running loose!

I drop the rope and reach for my gun-bollocks, I took the holster off before my shower! I'll have to fight him hand-to-hand if it comes to it. I run back the way I came from towards the bathroom, towards the main hall when I trip over something. I slam to the floor, not able to stop the impact on my chin. Great-I now have a split lip and most probably a cracked tooth to add to my list of physical inconveniences.

I stand up, sighing. What did I trip over anyway? Oh, it's another mercenary. Not breathing. Funny, I don't remember clearing this corridor. Perhaps he was shot with too many chemicals-

Suddenly, I'm hit over the head with something and feel the rope being placed around my neck. I gasp and choke as my attacker keeps tugging cruelly. I'm already starting to feel faint, seeing shades of grey…

No! Amidst the struggle, I'm able to elbow him in the stomach. He releases his grip and I duck under the rope, swiveling to face my attacker. It's that mercenary. I'm ready to fight-

Before I can even blink, he lunges at me grabbing my throat and shoving me up against a wall. He presses down on my larynx until I can't breathe. I struggle against him, too weak to fight but strong enough to claw into his arms, scratching.

"You fucking bitch," he snarls, not relieving his grip. "He said he didn't want you dead-I assume he wanted to do the honours himself." Who?

He presses harder and I go limp, my entire line of vision being clouded by grey. I can't breathe…

"But I think I'll do him a favour and save him the paperwork," he sneers, enjoying my downfall…

I want to scream for help, I want to fight him off…but I can't. I'm so very weak, I need oxygen. I choke and gasp again, fighting for breath, but the pressure is relentless. My head begins to droop through weakness and still he doesn't let go…

_BANG!_

Something splatters on my face, the grip around my throat is loosened and my ears are ringing from the loud sound. I look up to see the mercenary, with half his face blown away, a stunned expression permanently carved on to his face. In slow motion, he falls against me, one hand still on my neck, blood spattered head falling to one side. Dead.

I look to my right, not really sure what to expect…another mercenary with bad aim intending to shoot me?...when I see…Alister at the end of the corridor, holding up a gun, pointed right where the mercenary stood…

He looks a wreck. He's shaking, his hands are unsteady and his expression is terrified. Zip, Emma and Winston come running through the door behind him.

"Honey, did you hear that gunshot? Who was killed?" Emma asks, when she notices the gun in his hand. "Was-was that you?" she says, sounding scared. He slowly nods.

"It was me," he admits, looking and sounding like he's just acknowledged it. Maybe he has…it's sometimes difficult to accept your first kill. I threw up after I killed someone. I told myself it was self-defence and vowed never to do it again. My, how far I've come…

He falls forward, his legs collapsing under his weight. Zip moves fastest, and catches him before he hits the floor. It seems it got a bit too much for him.

* * *

I really don't know how Alister had the patience for this-just sitting there, waiting for me to wake up. Or in the case of the coma, _if _I'd wake up. I've been here for almost two hours with no sign of movement and I'm so bored, I'm tempted to call the mercenaries back just for something to do.

It does bother me who sent them, though. As far as I know, the only real enemy I've made recently is Rutland, and I think it highly unlikely he sent them. Lily wouldn't have allowed it. Unless she's turned against me as well, of course. No, no, I can't see her doing something like that. Then again, nor did I think shooting was in Alister's capabilities.

I realise that even if I wasn't me and I saw my best friend being strangled and I just happened to have a gun in my hand, I would most likely shoot, but it's still shocking. I mean, _Alister! _Shooting someone…it's just not what I'd expect of him. There are things in his life he's kept secret, of course-like that two year gap we had after his three-year employment contract was up-periods of his life I know nothing about…but even with these 'mysteries', I still wouldn't have expected it.

I don't want to sound big-headed, but it must have broken his heart when I…said what I did. The man literally killed for me, just like he promised. That really says something, even to someone like me who considers killing-if through self defence-almost a regime. And-I did…I did have a good time. Well, far more than that…it was amazing. And not just because of what we did, but it was because it was with _him_. Someone with enough masculinity to confess he loved me. Someone with enough masculinity to love _me_ and not my C-cups! Someone with enough open-mindedness to love me despite my lifestyle and us never having been together. I heard him say it-it's not something that he's been feeling since he came back, he's meant it for years. He even admitted it-he's loved me for four years…

That means he was in love with (or the very least had a crush on) me before his contract was terminated! To be honest, I'd never understood why he suddenly returned…it's still a bit of a mystery. You'd think that if he was in love with me, he'd either avoid me like the plague or come on to me. He did neither. Maybe he was just content being close to me, because even when we did kiss, he never tried to push it. In the end, it was me who led him to the bed, me who suggested we go to my bedroom. It was even _me_ who initiated the second kiss, the one that got us somewhere…

Now I think about it, that can only really mean two things, can't it? It either means that when he did get what he'd obviously fantasised about, it wasn't like he expected, but he was willing to keep going as far as I wanted to…or he loves me so much, he's content, no matter what we do, just so long as he's with me…

He stirs. Well, it's about time…it's been nearly two hours! "Afternoon, Alister," I smile.

"Jesus, is it really?" he yawns, sitting up.

"No," I laugh. "It's half four." He looks confused. "In the morning," I clarify.

"Oh. Then what are you doing here-are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I was just…thinking. And waiting for you to wake up."

"Why?"

"You'd fainted-don't you remember?"

"Weren't there some mercenaries?" I nod. "And-shit, are you okay?"

"What-?"

"You got shot. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine-Zip removed the bullet," I assure him. "It's you I'm worried about."

"Why?" Typical. Any normal man would be thrilled that their love interest was worried about them, Alister just goes straight in with the questions. "What happened to your neck?" he asks concernedly. He really doesn't remember? I give him a look, and I see a flash of remembrance pass by his eyes. "He tried to strangle you…and-"

"You took care of him," I finish for him.

"Lara, are you sure you're all right? He held you pretty tight-"

"I'm fine, really," I smile. It's so sweet he's more worried about me.

"Listen, Lara-"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For telling Marina this morning. I don't know why I did it, it was irresponsible and stupid of me, and I'm sorry. I love you and…" Keep going, Alister. "…I don't want it to jeopardise anything." I shush him and climb onto the bed. I touch my lips to his.

"Nor do I," I whisper, kissing him again. It takes him no time to respond, as our lips move together, his tongue clashing with mine as it enters my mouth. I move so I'm straddling him and move my hands to his chest, undoing the top button of his nightshirt. I continue down his shirt, as I keep kissing him, until they're all undone. He sits up slightly and I push it off his shoulders and lean in to kiss him again…

…when I find myself being rolled over so he's on top of me. I giggle as he follows my lead and begins unbuttoning my shirt, but hesitates as he reaches my breasts. He breaks off the kiss and begins kissing my chest and breasts. I moan as a feeling arouses.

His hands move back to my shirt and he starts unbuttoning it again, kissing more of my body as it's uncovered. I sit up and he pushes it off my shoulders, gently caressing my arms. We break off the kiss and just look at each other-I see nothing but warmth and passion in his eyes…

We reach for each other's faces at the same time. I giggle and pull him closer. Our lips meet again and he nibbles at my lower lip again. I giggle and moan as more feelings arouse. I hear him give a small moan too.

One of his hands begins stroking my breast, caressing it gently. I giggle again and push him down properly, allowing my hair to sweep over his chest as I continue kissing him. My lips move down to his neck and chest, planting small kisses over what feels like every inch of his torso until my hand reaches the waistline of his trousers. I tease him, trailing my fingers along his stomach, occasionally 'slipping' beneath the waistline. I hear him moan quietly and I smirk.

"You have a condom, right?" I check. He nods, pointing to his bedside table. I climb off him, making a charade of bending down to check the drawers, until I find them in the top drawer. Someone's being very practical. I'd say optimistic, but that would just be cruel. And untrue.

I feel his arms snake across my waist, now teasing me, trailing his fingers across my stomach, 'slipping' beneath the waistline. He starts kissing my shoulder, moving down my entire right arm until he reaches my hand. He moves across and starts kissing my stomach. I reach out and cup his chin, pulling him back up to my level. I smile and lean in to kiss him again, which apparently he's more than happy to do!

His hand moves back down to my hips, but this time slides around my back, teasing me again until he gives a sharp tug and my pyjama bottoms fall down. I follow suit and find myself being pushed back down onto the bed…and I can tell even now that I'm not going to regret this, because he loves me and I…really do like him…

* * *

_Emma's POV_

"You know, the one thing I really _hate _about shoot-outs is the cleaning up after!" Zip grumbles as he pours more glass into a bucket. Jeez, I'm not sure which is worse-the mercenaries trying to kill us all or him not shutting up about cleaning up some glass!

"The one thing I really hate about this shoot-out is that you won't shut up about it," I mutter, sweeping the glass into a pile. Winston insisted we didn't do anything, the sweetheart, but we couldn't leave the poor guy to clean up alone-he barely did anything worth cleaning up!

"What's your problem?" Zip says.

"Oh, I don't know-try coming here for a nice vacation then nearly getting bullets shot into my head."

"Well, come on, that was inevitable," he smirks. I have to laugh-Alister warned me Lara's lifestyle was…eccentric, but come on, I thought the guy was exaggerating! And even if he wasn't, I never expected _this! _To be honest, I'm not even sure how I got out of bed this morning. Seriously, I am so freaked about it. Wouldn't you be? I literally had a near-death experience, but it's not even that that's freaking me out. I'm not sure what it is, but I swear if I stood still for a second, I would shake more than a bowl full of warm jello.

I don't think I'll be so cool on the outside when we have to get rid of the bodies, though…what do they do with them, anyway?

"Hey, Emma, do you know where Alister is today?" Zip suddenly asks.

"Uh, no, I haven't-I haven't seen him since he…fainted." _Killed someone. _Why am I even surprised? He wasn't the only one pulling triggers at them last night. I was too-I never actually killed anyone, but if it wasn't for Winston's 'paranoia' the poor guy would be dead! I feel so guilty about that! I could have killed him last night…that's what's getting to me, isn't it? It's not that I could have been killed, but that I killed someone…or would have done if my aim wasn't so crap.

"Weird, he wasn't in his room-"

"That's cos you left him in Lara's," I point out.

"Ah," he nods. "I think I'll go check."

"No, don't, let him sleep."

"I meant more for Lara. Where is she anyway?"

"I dunno. Maybe she crashed in his room?" He shrugs. "Do you want me to check?"

"Why would you need to check?"

"Why do you?"

"To make sure she's okay."

"I think she's fine-she's used to this."

"Talking about me again?" someone interrupts. Every goddamn time! I turn around, ready to apologise again when I see she's smiling. "Crisis averted, I'm here. So's Alister in case you were wandering." He comes down behind her, looking extremely…happy. _That _sort of happy…

"Emma, you didn't have to clean up," Alister says.

"What, and leave Winston to do it by himself? Zip sure as hell wasn't gonna volunteer."

"Hey!"

"Oh, who are you kidding?" He shrugs. "He just did it anyway." Alister nods.

"Need a hand?" Lara offers.

"No, no, that's quite all right, Lady Croft-we've got it covered," Winston says.

"I didn't mean the glass." Winston nods. "It is usually me who does it anyway."

"Are you certain, Lady Croft?"

"Absolutely." She turns round and starts dragging one of the corpses outside. Jeez, this is horrible…I'm not sure I can watch- "Would someone like to help?"

"I can," I volunteer. What? I need to get to know her, and I do that by spending time with her. Besides, I need to get over this, so maybe this'll help.

"Are you sure?" she says sounding surprised. "It's a very gruesome task."

"I can handle it." She shrugs and grabs another body. I do the same and follow her out.

"So, how do you-how do you normally get rid of them?"

"Burn them," she says unblinkingly.

"Isn't that a little against the ecologists?"

"That's right, I'm a massive contributor to the greenhouse effect," she smirks. "It hasn't made me popular. That's why I have to keep moving." I don't say anything. "I could always bury them, I suppose, but I'd run out of land." She turns around and sees my expression and starts laughing. "Emma, I'm joking. I just nip them down to the crematorium and let them deal with the arrangements."

"Oh!" I exhale, laughing. "Yeah, that makes much more sense. Um, don't they ever ask questions?"

"Not if I find the right person," she says mysteriously.

"What about a truck?"

"I was just going to get one. Unless you'd like to. It's not pleasant waiting with the corpses."

"I'll be fine," I tell her.

"Well, look you can go inside anyway, I can load them into the truck."

"I'll be fine," I repeat. She smiles and heads off. Man, I miss my original 'refined' thoughts!

* * *

_Alister's POV_

I find her bending over a computer screen, studying something. I hate to disturb her when she looks so busy…

I sneak up behind her and snake my arms around her waist. She gasps and turns around. "Hello, Alister," she smiles. I look up into her smiling face and kiss her. She closes those beautiful brown eyes of hers and I follow suit. She turns around properly as the kiss deepens. "Are you busy?"

"What have you got in mind?" She giggles. She's got such an infectious laugh I can't help but smile. She doesn't answer my question, but instead reaches up to kiss me again.

"A repeat of last night wouldn't go amiss," she mutters suggestively when she breaks it off.

"Oh, sorry, Lara, I don't do repeats," I sigh. "I only do improvements."

"Oh, really? Care to demonstrate?"

I kiss her again. "I'd love to, but I do actually have some work to be getting on with."

"Such as?"

"The usual. Those scrolls aren't easy."

"Those bloody scrolls," she sighs.

"They're for a good cause," I remind her.

"A good cause that feels impossible." I kiss her again.

"Difficult," I agree, kissing her. "But not impossible."

"Are you anywhere close to a breakthrough?"

"No," I admit. "But give me a chance, I've only been trying for a few weeks."

"I know," she smiles. "And thanks. You've been doing more than I have." I smile back and lean down to kiss her. I've already got my arms around her waist and she places her own on my back. I nibble her lower lip, and she responds brushing her own tongue down on my lip. I withdraw and comply, allowing her to explore my mouth for a change. Her tongue darts back and forth until it goes deeper. I give a muffled moan as I'm aroused. I hear a small giggle coming from her as she breaks off our kiss.

"I see someone's happy," she smirks. "Or perhaps that should be 'feel'."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you 'happy?'" She gives me another mysterious look, like she's hiding something but making it obvious at the same time. I slide a hand up her thigh and hear her gasp as I reach her centre. "That would be yes," I smirk.

"I thought you were busy?"

"It can wait," I say as I kiss her again…

* * *

"You never cease to amaze me, Alister," she sighs, breathing heavily, about an hour later.

"Well, where would the thrill be otherwise?" I quote her. She giggles and turns to face me. She is so beautiful… I tell her this and she smiles coyly.

"And you're so cute," she whispers.

"In looks or behaviour?"

"Both," she replies, pecking me on the lips. I kiss her back, planting small pecks on her lips before moving down to her neck. She giggles sweetly again, stroking my hair. I bring myself up to her level again and kiss her on the lips.

"Alister, you in there?" someone shouts through my door. We break off.

"Jesus," I mutter, but Lara just smiles at me. "What is it, Zip?"

"Have you seen Lara?"

"No, why?" I call back.

"I can't find her!"

"So keep looking!"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter, look, can I come in anyway?"

"NO!" I burst out, making Lara jump. "Sorry," I mouth to her.

"Okay, okay, relax! I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Zip."

"That's the second time that's happened," Lara mutters. "Do you think he suspects something?"

"No," I shake my head. "What's there to suspect in his eyes?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself," she smiles. I exhale a laugh. "What?"

"Nothing-hypocrite!" I cough.

"If you're referring to that bloody attempt again-"

"No, not that, you're just very hard on yourself in general." She nods, no longer smiling and turns away from me. "I was joking, Lara." She nods again. I sigh and take her into my arms, and begin stroking her. I plant a kiss on her cheek.

"I don't know why I did it," she whispers.

"Lara, you don't have to-"

"No, Alister, I want to," she interrupts. "Please. Will you listen?"

"Of course," I nod, holding her tight. She doesn't say anything. "Take your time."

"I tried to call her," she says out of the blue.

"Who?" I ask. Surely she can't be talking about her mother?

"Lily," she replies. "I tried to call her. Three times."

"What happened?"

"The first time, Rutland picked up." I feel her tense slightly and I struggle to not clench my hand. Instead I take hers in mine comfortingly. "The second, she was engaged, the third…it wasn't even switched on."

"Why did you try calling her?"

"I hoped she'd want to listen. I needed someone to talk to…and I suppose I must have wanted to clear things up."

"You still could," I tell her. She shakes her head.

"It's too late. She's gone."

"Lara, if she came to England looking for you, she would listen-"

"And what would I tell her? I tried to kill myself? She'd think I was a nutter. And even if it did work out, Rutland would always be there in the background…and I don't know if that's what was stopping me. Would I have rejected her anyway, or was it because of him?"

"I don't know, Lara," I admit. You'd think talking about another man's child would make me uncomfortable, but I'm all right with this. It's good for Lara to share it…and it's good for us if I listen.

"It just all finally got to me," Lara continues. "The fact that I couldn't walk, that my ex best friend had betrayed me beyond imagination, my estranged daughter turned up from nowhere, no-one would listen and the one person who I thought would…wasn't available." Who's the 'ex best friend'? Does she mean me or Amanda? And who did she think would listen? I thought she was talking about Lily again, but maybe she meant her mother. Is that one of the reasons she did this…just to try and see her mother again?

"Lara," I begin. "Did you do this so you could see your mother again?" She nods, sniffing.

"Partly," she confesses. "And I was just so tired of life and everything it was throwing at me," she sobs. I turn her over and pull her into a proper cuddle. "I just couldn't cope."

"Lara, why didn't you talk to anyone?"

"No-one would listen. I felt like I wasn't good enough anymore. I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but-"

"I'm sorry, Lara. I-I shouldn't have been such a prick, I-"

"Don't, Alister," she says. "It's not your fault, I was just already insecure-"

"But I didn't help. Hell, I probably made things worse!" She doesn't say anything. I pull her closer. "I love you," I tell her. "And you know what, if you think you've made an absolute cock up of everything, don't. No-one should have to go through that torment, especially not you." She looks up at me and smiles in thanks. "And if you ever think for any reason you're not good enough, you will always be good enough for me. You always were."

I mean it. It's so complicated what I feel for her. When I'm with her, it's as if things couldn't get any better, but also as if I can't get enough of her. When I'm just standing opposite her, I want to pull her into my arms, just to touch her. But even if I am touching her, I feel like I never want to let go. When I kiss her, I feel like I never want the moment to end, but another half of me does want it to end, just so I can look at her again, so I can get lost in those beautiful chocolate eyes again.

Never repeat this to anyone! It's far too sentimental-Zip would probably die laughing. Emma would go 'aww' for a couple of seconds, then burst into laughter. I don't even know how Lara would react. But I don't need to know-she's enough, how she is, right here right now, she's enough.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

As I laid there in his arms, I felt this strange sensation sweep over me. I'm not sure what it was-it wasn't adrenaline like when we first kissed and got together, it was…something else. To be honest, I've been feeling it each time we got together. Even before he told me, I'd feel the odd snatch of it.

Every time I wake up in his arms, I can't help but smile like a giddy, smitten teenage girl-you know how it goes; let's face it, we were all teenagers once, have all had that feeling of not being able to stop smiling. You don't even need to be with them, but just thinking about them makes you happy.

We've obviously been 'together' since our heart-to-heart (or more like my pouring my heart to him) but that one sticks out. I never thought I'd find it so easy to talk about how I'd felt during my depression, particularly _then_. I still can't bring myself to say it…it's still too fresh. I can get about as far as 'tried to kill myself' but I just can't say the word. No-one can. It's still preying on their minds, I can tell, but not so much. It's been eight days. Besides, we've had our guest to entertain.

She doesn't seem to expect too much, actually. I guess having to shoot your way out of a mercenary 'visit' really changes your perspective. I have spent a bit of time with her, and I now know that she works for Rutland's father…and that she knows Lily quite well. Only because she apparently harassed her for weeks trying to get in to see Rutland. I wonder if Lily would have done the same had it been me?

And why does my mind always go back to her at some point? At times, I find myself thinking about her, subconsciously, and only when I snap back to reality do I realise what I was thinking about.

_She's your daughter, it's natural._

Yes, but I made it quite clear that she wasn't anything to me.

_It's like you said to Alister-was it you that made you act so bitchy or was it Rutland?_

Oh it's a number of things. Maybe it's some sort of irony-I've been thinking about my mother, now I'm thinking _like_ a mother…sometimes I do get the urge to just pick up that phone and call her mobile again. But what would I say? 'Hi, it's Lara, your mother. You know, the one who rejected you. Oh, by the way, I tried to kill myself. So how have you been?'

Who's to say she'd even listen?

I need to stop thinking about her. For God's sake, I'm in a relationship-an _actual_ relationship for the first time in bloody years! You know, I think those thoughts about Lily are just a form of aversion therapy.

The thought of being in a relationship doesn't horrify me, don't get me wrong, it's just it's been so long, I'm a bit clueless as to what I should do sometimes.

_It's been less than a week, Lara._

The man loves me. He said I'm good enough for him-always will be, just how I am. Clearly this isn't a fling.

_Still, you're acting like you're afraid to commit when so far there's been nothing to commit to!_

How about-

I'm losing it! I will not listen to that voice, I will not argue with that voice again. Why does it always come at those moments when I could really do with some proper 'thinking' time? Besides, I was being stupid-Alister loves me…he loves me. I love that he loves me…I do really like him. I feel like I want to be with him right now…

"Lady Croft, the doctor is here," Winston interrupts. Doctor? Oh, of course.

"Thank you, Winston," I smile. I forgot-because it's been a week, he'd like to examine my wrist again. Properly this time, as it won't start gushing out blood at a touch! "Where is he?"

"In your office space like you instructed," he tells me. I nod in thanks and turn to leave. I told him to take Dr Jacobs to my study so we'd have more privacy. I don't even want Alister present.

I approach the door and go straight in-it's my office. "Lady Croft!" he greets, beaming. "How have you been?"

"Well," I reply. "Yourself?"

"Not bad, not bad. So, I gather you're a bit uncomfortable about the whole affair?"

"What gave you that idea?"

"Most patients of mine prefer friends or family with them when the bandages are opened for support," he explains. I nod. When it comes to injuries, I'm furiously independent. It took a lot of persuading from Zip to allow him to remove the bullet. I often have to remove them myself and don't like breaking out of the habit. Also, I don't want to show them how unnerved I am by all of this. I'm not looking forward to having to see the scar.

He opens up his briefcase and retrieves surgical scissors. "Couldn't you just unwrap it?" I ask.

"The bond is far too tight," he tells me. "It had to be so, given the nature of your…injury." I sigh. These euphemisms are getting tiring. He skillfully places the scissors underneath the tight bandages and begins cutting away. I force myself to look away. It's only morbid fascination that's keeping my gaze at my mutilated wrist.

I feel as though a small weight has been lifted off my wrist and cold air rushes to it. I feel a slight stinging as the bandage is removed. "It's healing," he says. I turn to look and see huge stained gashes.

"That's _healing?!_" I gasp disbelievingly. It looks like it's still open, but as though a huge blood clot has formed around it.

"It was a large wound-these things take time," he says sympathetically.

"Did it not occur to you to use a skin stapler or stitches?"

"I tried on several occasions-the blood flow just worsened at each attempt. But now that there's a clot over it, we'd risk the wound re-opening if we tamper with it."

"So I'm stuck looking at this?" I ask.

"Well, obviously I will give you another bandage. It's closed but you'd still risk infection." I sigh. What the _fuck_- I nod, trying to smile bravely.

"Could you get on with it, please?" He nods and smiles back at me. At least his doesn't look strained.

* * *

I come out of my study some time after he's left, still clutching my wrist. I needed to think. I'm so engrossed in my thoughts, I literally bump into Alister. He catches me in his arms so I don't fall over.

"Are you all right, Lara?" I nod. "How did it go?"

"Well it's apparently healing and there's no sign of infection, so he'll be back next week for our standing arrangement," I reply monotonously. He pulls me into a hug and kisses my cheek. I stay limp in his arms.

"Lara?"

"Sorry, Alister," I mutter, pushing him away. "I just…need to be alone."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

* * *

"_Lara?" someone whispers. I stir. "Lara?" I sit up properly and squint as a phenomenally bright light shines through into my room. "Lara?" I stand up, still squinting as I see a silhouette appear in the centre of the light._

"_Mother?" I gasp as their features become clearer. The smiling figure nods. She holds out her hand._

"_Come on," she whispers. I smile as I walk closer to the window and see not the grounds, but a whole new world. It looks so beautiful, so peaceful…could this be Avalon? "We don't have much time, Lara," the figure whispers. "Come, before the portal collapses." It looks so tempting…_

_I feel something tugging, pulling me back into the darkened room. I turn around to see…Lily! "Lara, snap out of it!" she's saying. I shake my head and turn my head back to face my mother bathed in light. "Lara, you can't leave," she begs. I ignore her._

"_Lara?" someone else calls. Alister._

'_Go away!' I think as I outstretch my own hand to meet my mother's. She's floating away from me. "No!"_

_I step onto the windowsill, desperately trying to follow her. "Mother!"_

"_Come on, Lara," she coaxes, still smiling. I smile back at her, ignoring the voices calling me back. I stretch out my hand and as they meet, I feel something like I've never felt before. Everything's right-I'm with my mother…everything's right…_

…_when suddenly…_

…_I feel something fall from beneath my feet. The light goes out and my mother disappears. I let out a terrified scream as I fall with it-_

I land with a thud as I hit hard ground. My eyes snap open and I inspect my surroundings. I'm in the lounge-just the lounge. I check the clock on the mantelpiece; half eleven. How long have I been asleep?

"Um…are you okay?" I hear someone ask. I look up to see Emma. I smile.

"I fell asleep. Apparently this couch isn't ideal for restless sleepers." She smiles back at me. "How long have you been there?"

"Oh…I dunno, about ten minutes, maybe," she says almost guiltily. "Were you like, having a bad dream or something?" I don't say anything. "I'm not judging!" she adds quickly. "I mean, come on, Alister says you have a…eccentric lifestyle, you're bound to have the occasional nightmare." I smile up at her.

"That's the nicest way you could have put that," I tell her. She smiles modestly.

"So, it was about your mom, huh?" I look at her, surprise etched on my face. Surely Alister didn't- "It's just, I heard you whispering 'mother' over and over." I stand up, almost defiantly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lie. She looks a bit disbelieving, but what do I care? "It's just a recurring nightmare," I find myself telling her. She nods.

"Always the same dream or-"

"Always the same character-and theme," I correct. She nods again. I don't say anything. Where the hell did that little confession come from?!

"Don't feel embarrassed," she says out of the blue. "The number of nightmares I had after Alister was arrested-I thought those guys would either come after me or get him in jail-you did not know that story, did you?" I shake my head-Alister was in prison?! "Oh my God," she breathes. "Forget I ever said that, he'd kill me if…I-I don't why I thought-I just thought you knew. Sorry."

"What was he arrested for?" I ask.

"I've said way too much already," she says. "You'll have to ask him, just _don't _mention me!"

"What the hell did-"

"It wasn't anything too shocking, he only got like-"

"So he was actually found guilty? Was he guilty?"

"I'm sorry, I should not have said anything," she says apologetically. "But don't let this put you off him, he's a great guy, I mean look at Zip!"

"What about him?"

"He did time but you still hired him."

"He was tried for hacking and-" I protest.

"Possession of drugs?" I sigh. "Seriously, don't let this put you off him. You know what a great guy he is, you've known him for six years." Yes but for four of those he carried with him a huge secret I could never have guessed. Okay, so he was absent for two of them, but-was that why he left? No, no, his contract had terminated, that's all. "Please, just forget it." I nod. I have to, really-I mean let's face it, she has a point, Zip isn't exactly sin-free either. Nor am I for that matter…he never let any of that bother him, so why should I let this bother me? Still, it's a bit unnerving to hear your supposedly conventional friend was doing time for something…

* * *

_Alister's POV_

These past two weeks have been absolutely amazing…I feel so stupid now for not telling her before. If I'd had any idea how well she'd take it, how fantastic it would've been…I would have told her four years ago. I might not even have left.

Of course, pessimists would argue that it took certain circumstances for her to react the way she did, but all it does is put her in a bad light. There is the factor that I'd had longer to remain loyal, but looking back, I've probably never been crueler to her before, but she still took to me.

At one point-while I was going through a particularly negative stage-I was terrified that if I'd had her a few times and released that energy I'd built up over the four years, suddenly I wouldn't want her anymore…it's not like that at all. It's as I said previously, I feel like I can't get enough of her but I also know that I could never ask for more. At least now if I want to grab her and kiss her in the corridor, I normally can! She doesn't complain…

What's so fantastic about her is that I can never feel let down. Even if she all she wants to do is cuddle, I'm satisfied with that-that could be an advantage of having to wait for four years, I suppose. It's made me very patient, so in a way, I'm glad I did have to wait that long. I might not have found myself so willing to just do the small things if I'd told her right away…and she was worth every day, every hour, every bloody minute of torment I sometimes put myself through, especially when we weren't even in the same residence. I'd tried to convince myself I could forget her, but after a particularly harrowing day, I'd find myself pining for my old job, and my old employer…

"Hello, Alister," the object of my affections greets as we pass each other in the hallway. Oh god, that sounds terrible-um, rephrase that-my love, no too soppy. Oh shut up!

"Afternoon, Lara," I smile back, taking in her unusual attire (for her that is). She's wearing a plain white blouse with her top two buttons undone and a black skirt just above her knees and black high heels. "Any reason for-"

"Interview with someone from the Cavendish Lab," she explains.

"Really? You don't normally bother with formality with people like them."

"That's because they're not usually stodgy bastards of ex-relatives who think I've 'gone down the pan' since I was technically disowned."

"And you're trying to prove-"

"That I'm not the 'archaeologist' they think I am like it's a dirty word…also because these shirts are the only long-sleeved tops I own and my combats just don't match." I nod, finally understanding. "Does it not look okay?"

"No, no, it looks great!" I assure her. "It's just not-"

"Me?"

"-what we're used to," I finish. She smirks and comes closer, pecking me.

"Your family are incredibly talented at putting things the nicest way possible."

"How do you mean?"

"Just something Emma said the other night-she put it in the nicest way she could."

"What was it?"

"Nothing important," she smiles. Oh bollocks, Emma! "What?"

"I'm supposed to be taking Emma to town!"

"Didn't you take her yesterday?"

"Apparently not for long enough. Shit, I said we'd leave at three!"

"Alister, calm down, it's only twenty to. Although interestingly enough, my cab comes at about then."

"Why are you taking a cab?"

"Because I can't be bothered to drive and I really don't want to take the limo," she replies. "I want to prove I haven't 'gone down the pan' but the limo would just be trying too hard." I nod. She looks so different in that outfit-quite cute in a way. She's tied her hair into the usual neat ponytail

"I don't suppose I could come with you?" I ask

"Absolutely, but I don't think Emma would appreciate it," she smirks.

"Come with you in the car, Lara," I clarify, even though she knew perfectly well what I meant. She giggles.

"Of course, but what's wrong with the car?"

"Nothing-I just can't be bothered to drive either."

"And how will you get back?" she smirks, pecking me briefly again.

"Damn!" She snorts.

"Well I'll only be a couple of hours so you can hitch a lift again if you want," she offers.

"That would be great," I tell her, leaning in to kiss her properly.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Suddenly he breaks off. "What?" I ask confusedly, my arms now wrapped around his shoulders.

"Lara, we're in the middle of the corridor-someone could see us."

"Didn't stop you yesterday," I remind him. He smiles embarrassedly, and I lean in to kiss him again. He begins to respond but then breaks it off again.

"I mean it, what if someone did see us?" he continues.

"What if they did? You're not ashamed are you?"

"No, no, of course not, I just-"

"Alister, do you know that stage of a relationship where you just can't keep your hands off each other?" He nods, with a questioning look on his face. I raise my eyebrows. "Don't tell me you're not there, too?"

"Oh, trust me, I am," he whispers, pressing his body against mine. "I've just got very practiced at restraining myself after four years."

"Well, now you don't need to-you have me," I remind him.

"Are you letting the leash off?"

"Well perhaps not entirely," I smirk. "Although I'd love to see what Alister Fletcher gets like when all those bottled feelings are released." He smiles seductively and kisses me gently and breaks it off. He gazes into my eyes and I find myself being pushed up against the wall. He starts kissing hungrily, like he's releasing the tension again. He nibbles at my lower lip and I open my mouth, allowing him entrance.

I moan as he deep-throats me and he breaks off again and proceeds down to my neck and chest. I moan again. "Do you like that?" he whispers. My heavy breathing gives him the answer he wants as he brings himself up to my level and kisses my lips again.

I feel his hand slide down my arm, resting at my hip, caressing it gently. It moves down to my thigh, making the same movement before sneaking up my skirt…

I gasp as loud as I dare as his fingers ease in. He starts teasing me, slipping them out and pushing them back in. I let out several quiet high moans as he continues and I move to kiss him again, trying to distract myself. I moan again as more feelings arouse.

I open my eyes as he retracts his hand and smile at him, looking deep into his eyes. My own drift over to scan the room and they spy-oh fuck! I give a small shriek and push Alister away from me, although it's a bit late now! He gives me a confused look but follows my gaze.

"Shit," he mutters, looking down.

"Um, sorry," Emma flusters, not really sure what to do with herself. "I'm just gonna-yeah." She exits, being careful to close the door behind her.

"Emma!" Alister calls, going after her. I lean against the wall, sighing. I know I said it wouldn't bother me if someone did find out, but to be honest, I feel really uncomfortable now, and-for lack of a better word-inappropriate. I'm his employer! If I was the employee, people might not judge me for it, they may even sympathise as I might be being 'pressured', although to be honest I don't know which is worse. Emma and I were starting to see eye-to-eye too. What's she going to think of me now-the boss who's doing her brother.

Reluctantly I grab my handbag and make my way through the halls. I come across Emma and Alister again;

"No, really, honey, it's great. Why would I have a problem with you guys screwing each other?" I hear her babble incoherently. "There's nothing wrong with work affairs, right? I mean, come on, it's the 21st century! I gotta go now!"

"Emma, for God's-"

"It's really, great, I'm cool with it, don't worry about me." I catch up to him and gently nudge his shoulder.

"Not taking it too well, then?" I smile. He smiles back weakly but proceeds to follow her. "She won't tell Zip, will she?" He falters then breaks into a run. Apparently that thought never crossed his mind.

"Emma! Emma!" He grabs her shoulder and spins her around. "Are you going to tell Zip?"

"Uh-I dunno, why, don't you want me to?"

"We'd prefer it if you didn't," I say as I approach. She nods.

"That's cool!" she says over-enthusiastically "I can keep a secret!" She turns to run out again. I glance at Alister, when she comes storming back. "But still, I cannot believe you two are having sex! You're work colleagues. You're his goddamn employer!" she snaps. I look her in the eye, refusing to submit. She rounds on him. "I thought you'd have more pride, Alister, than to start an affair that-"

"Emma, it's more than that, I lo-"

"No, no! Do _not_ make this worse for yourself! How long have you even been _at_ it?!"

"Two and a half weeks, but-"

She gasps. "Then how can you even-I can't be with you right now!"

"Emma, why are you getting so stressed about this?" he calls after her. I chase after him, even in my heels.

"All I did was come to tell you that Winston told me that some guy claiming to be Kirk Douglas is here and that _we_ should really get going! But you know, I'm not really in the mood to go to town now. Maybe another time!" What was that she said about some guy claiming to be Kirk Douglas? We follow her again as she runs to the entrance hall. Jesus, this is getting to be a bit like a romantic comedy!

We hear her exclaim something-even through the doors-down in the entrance hall.

"It's you!" she gasps, looking intently at someone hidden by the arches. "You're that guy at the office who came in to-what the hell are you-"

"Emma!" Alister shouts. She spins around, only to glare at him.

At least she's not running anymore. He stops halfway down the steps.

I stop in my tracks, too, but for a completely different reason…there's someone in the entrance hall, someone I haven't seen in a year and a half…someone I know quite well…someone who I assumed dead.

"K-Kurtis?"

* * *

_Well, come on, you didn't think I could play the game and leave him dead, did you? Oh no, hehe-btw nice instincts to _

_'The Third Demi-God-you were right, but I already told you that, right? Well, you know now-n-ee-way, if you'd like to read the next chapter, I need reviews to gain the motivation to actually _write _it! You know the drill-if you like it, chocs and plushies, 'constructive' criticism, chocs, absolutely hate it, praise for honesty but no treats! lolx_


	15. Rekindling

_Dislcaimer: Nope, not mine! Damn those people at Eidos and Crystal Dynamics for not letting me own it!_

_Team-chaser: Good to know you'll restrain yourself...and like I've said, how could I play the game, see how he died and not bring him back?! Kurtis is so cool! Kind of a shame he'll...well you don't need to know about that-cough-yet. Thanks for those lovely comments and I'm so happy you loved the mercenary bit! lolx_

_The Third Demi-God: Yep, he's finally here! About the love square thing...you're not far off, which you will see in this chapter, hehe...I had a lot of fun writing the end lol thanks 3 da review lolx_

_A/N: Kind of a regular thing now...n-ee-way thanks for those reali kool reviews! And about the prison thing...sorry, that'll take a while to come up...hehe...you'll probably have forgotten by then lolx-and please don't kill me! I have so much to give!!!...have now realised you don't know what I'm on about (actually you probably never do) but anyway, read on to find out...lolx!

* * *

_

_Kurtis's POV (and for those who haven't figured out, he was the 'unknown')_

Well, here it is, just like Sweetcheeks (aka Lily) said. And just for the record, I didn't swerve into a ditch…well, not quite. I did swerve and was unbelievably close to landing in a ditch that already had a bike in it (that's just a crime-dumping a beautiful bike like that in a ditch, I mean, come on!) but with my skill as a driver-and the use of telekinesis-I managed to not fall in it. I was just starting to think 'whoa, that was close' and making a mental note to tell Sweetcheeks when some incompetent arsehole starts beeping their horn at me. Damn these people who can't drive-really!

Wow, this place is big. I know she's rich-and Lily also told me-but this is a freakin' state! With a very inconveniently located gate in my way. I am so tempted to use telekinesis, but I better not. It would spoil the surprise and I'm so looking forward to seeing her face. Shit, I must be getting old if I'm using the intercom. I mean look at me, I'm 30.

"Yes, who's there?" some old guy rasps. Or maybe it's just really bad reception.

"Yeah, hi, I'm here to see Lady Croft." Get me-using her official title. Got that one off Lily, too. How _does _she know so much about her? Maybe she's some freaky stalker…man I hate people like that.

Why are you all looking at me?

"Is she expecting you?"

"Uh, yeah." Why not? The only reason she wouldn't be expecting me is if she thinks I'm dead…which I'm really not.

"What is your name?"

"Uh…Kirk Douglas." What the-shit! The guy doesn't answer back, but I hear a loud beep. I move away from the intercom. Jeez, is part of the agreement getting deafened first?

The huge gates open and I climb back on my bike. I can't even see the house! The engine revs as I start it and I speed along the gravel pathway, ignoring the scenery. Though I gotta admit, there's a heck of a lot more of it here than there was on those stupidly expensive French expressways!

I reach a fork. This is crazy, I still can't-oh there it is. I didn't even need to use far-see…actually, why didn't I just use that?

I go to the left-from what I can see, the left twists and turns to the house, and the right just disappears. I follow the track to the house-I'm sorry, make that palace! Has this woman not heard of downsizing? It kinda makes me wonder why someone with her obvious wealth would get caught up in the whole Monstrum-Eckhardt fiasco.

I stop the bike and climb off, removing my helmet. Well, guess I better get going. I'm here now. I knock on the door and almost straight away, some old guy answers. "Mr Douglas, I presume?" I nod. Kinda stupid to ask me now, I could be anybody and just nod along! He lets me in. "I'll notify her of your arrival. Please wait here. Or would you be more comfortable in the lounge?"

"I'm okay here," I tell him, taking in the grandness of the place. Wow…I thought the Louvre was cool. On the other hand, I was a little busy trying not to get shot or caught by a very angry woman who was freakishly possessive over her painting…jeez that was funny. Although I'm guessing it wasn't just the fact that I took her painting that pissed her-

"Emma?" the old guy calls. "Would you be so kind as to locate Lara and tell her she has a visitor? A Kirk Douglas."

"Uh, sure," I hear an American voice say.

"If it's not too much trouble-"

"No, really. She's probably with Alister and I was looking for him anyway so-yeah."

"Would you care for some refreshments, Mr Douglas?" he offers, coming back.

"Uh, no, that's okay," I politely decline. He nods and goes over to the fireplace and just stands there. Okay-I haven't had a butler since I was six, but I don't remember ours ever doing that.

"Don't worry about Winston," another American says. Jeez, how many Americans does she have here?! "He likes to stand there a lot, waiting for orders." A black guy comes out from a computer room I didn't notice before. "So, who are you?"

"An old friend," I answer. "You?"

"Her tech guy. What kind of old friend? Old friend as in genuine old friend or old friend as in subtle way of hiding your real agenda?" This guy's good. I'm about to answer when we hear shouting coming from the next room;

"All I did was come to tell you that Winston told me that some guy claiming to be Kirk Douglas is here and that we should really get going! But you know, I'm not really in the mood to go to town now! Maybe another time!" The black guy gives a low whistle.

"I dunno what he's done this time, but he's really pissed her off," he mutters. We hear someone thunder on the hallway above us and come running down the stairs, skidding to a halt at the bottom. She gives me the once over-oh Jesus-

"It's you!" she exclaims, pointing her finger at me accusingly. "You're that guy at the office who came in to-what the hell are you-" That guy from the office? At least I remember her name! Okay, only because the butler told me, but still!

Two more people come running in from the hallway above us. "Emma!" the guy shouts. At least he's English. She spins around, but says nothing. No matter-my girl's here. She's stopped, too and looking down at me with pure shock and…is that horror?

"K-Kurtis?" she whispers, loudly enough for everyone to hear. At least _she_ remembers my name.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"It's me," he says, making it sound like a joke. I'm positively dumbstruck…Kurtis…I thought he was dead, I never found him and…here he is.

"I'm guessing no introduction necessary, then?" Zip says, by means of breaking the ice. No-one even sniggers. Emma's still too pissed, Alister's still slightly shaken by the fact that Emma saw us-not to mention having to run after her-I'm obviously dumbstruck and Kurtis…Kurtis is just looking at me intently.

I slowly come downstairs, not taking my eyes off him. This-this is surreal, this is absolutely surreal. I won't deny that I have fantasised about this moment, but that was no more than six months after my return. It's been about eighteen months…I haven't really thought about him at all in a year-well not constantly. There's been the odd snatch here and there, but aside from that-

"Did you miss me?" he says jokingly. I don't say anything, but am suddenly aware of everyone's eyes on us. I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable.

"Could you all leave us?" I request, still not taking my eyes off him, as though he'll disappear if I do. Well if you think about it, that not too far from the bloody truth!

Zip just nods and heads back into the computer room and closes the door (it's soundproof). Winston heads down to the kitchens (his 'reserve' spot) but Emma and Alister don't move. I shoot him an almost pleading glance and he snaps into action.

"Emma?"

"What?"

"Perhaps we should…go."

"I'm not in the mood to go to town," she sighs. He rolls his eyes and takes her arm and leads her back up the stairs. "I'm still not done with you!" she snaps.

"Then we can resume our argument in private," he says. She wrenches free of his grasp and storms away. He starts to chase after her again. I sigh and find it hard to contain my smile, when I look back at Kurtis, who's looking at me almost expectantly.

"Kirk Douglas?" I say, smiling.

"Lame I know," he agrees, smiling slightly.

"So here you are." He nods.

"Here I am," he says.

"So, anything in particular or is this just a social visit?"

"Well there were one or two things I wanted to get sorted." I nod.

"Such as the location of your Chirugai?" I guess.

"That was one of them, yeah."

"And what was the other?"

"Why don't I get to that later? You obviously don't trust me."

"What would give you that idea?"

"Because we've been alone for, ooh, thirty seconds and you haven't even thought to ask just how can I be here when you thought I was dead?" I don't say anything. "I know you've been wondering, I can see it in your eyes."

"Been doing a little mind-reading as well, have we?"

"Maybe a little," he smirks. "And I'm seeing doubt. You think you're going crazy? That I'm just a hallucination?" I don't say anything, but begin to pace around the room, slowly circling him until I reach what I call my 'safe spot' (i.e. where I keep a spare handgun.)

"You're right," I admit, turning in time to see his confused yet smirking expression. "I do doubt something." His expression turns to one of mild disappointment.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me."

"It's nothing to do with that," I tell him, now looking away from him.

"Then what, you just don't trust me now?" I don't say anything. "You can trust me, Lara Croft." My eyes widen in fear as I look up, a memory unfolding;

"_Too many people have died for me to trust you. I say to him, not lowering my gun. "Including a good friend, Von Croy."_

"_Von Croy was an unfortunate victim of history. Eckhardt was stupid to have murdered him," Karel says. Suddenly, I see a small flash and he suddenly looks…completely different…_

"_I have been helping you all along," he continues. He turns to face me and I see-Bouchard! He's dead-I saw- "In Paris and in Prague." Now Luddick's standing there! What the hell is-oh God…Kurtis?_

"_You can trust me, Lara Croft," he says, outstretching his hand, still in Kurtis's form…_

I spin around to see Kurtis holding out his hand…

"What the hell did you just say?" I whisper.

"I said you can trust me," he repeats withdrawing his hand. My hand reaches for the gun and snatches it up. I point it at him, releasing the safety so he knows I mean business. "Whoa, whoa…take it easy, okay? I know you're freaked, but-"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot you."

"No can do, sorry."

"This isn't funny!" I snap. "If you think I won't do it, think again, because I _will!_"

"Lara-"

"Did I say you could talk?"

"You're being completely irrational! What is it you're so scared of?"

"Nothing!" I retort, hiding it. He gives me a disbelieving look. I mentally block my mind. "You don't have the first bloody clue what real fear looks like." He should have seen me-

"Don't I?!" he finally rages. "Do you know what it felt like to be skewered?! Do you know what it felt like to wake up in some godforsaken place and not knowing how the hell I got there?! Do you know how it felt to wake up in agony and alone?! Do you know what it felt like…when I'd found you'd gone…without even trying to find me."

I lower my gun slightly, trying to remain expressionless, but it's a challenge.

"You don't know," I whisper.

"What-"

"You don't know what it felt like when I returned to the arena and found a pool of _your _blood! With your Chirugai right in the middle!"

"Didn't stop you from taking it," he mutters. I sigh. I was wondering when we'd get back to this. I drop the height of the gun even more, but still clutching onto it for security, although I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if I really believed he was Karel, but I thought a Nephilim who's survived thousands of years was more likely than someone I'd deemed dead…then again, I also deem Karel dead.

"Kurtis-"

"You left me there, Lara! You took the Chirugai and you just left without even trying to find me!"

"Kurtis, it wasn't-" I cut out…this is all starting to feel very familiar. "Oh shit," I sigh as I hear a car approach.

"What?"

"I have a meeting to go to-do you want to come back later? I'd be more free then."

"What do you think this is, a coffee stop? I'm here for two things and two things only," he says, sounding menacing.

"Well you must have waited a year and a half so I don't think a day will make much difference," I retort sarcastically. I'm about to walk outside when he grabs my arm.

"It's not as simple as that, Lara," he whispers.

"Funny, because to me, not even the alphabet rivals it in simplicity," I retort, breaking free. He smirks.

"I guess I could wait. I'll be right here."

"I never said you could stay," I say.

"And I never said you could take my Chirugai-I guess we're even." I don't have anything to say to this…and for some reason, I'm actually reluctant to argue.

"I'll be back in two hours," I tell him. "If anything's different-"

"What, you'll spank me, mommy?" he taunts. My heart-for that one second-just stops.

"Don't call me that," I whisper dangerously.

"All right, all right…cos, uh, if you did, it's not like I'd object-"

"I'm losing patience, Kurtis. As tragic as your escape was, I'm in no mood right now to be taunted or mocked so shape up or you're out. Do you understand me?" He nods, shrugging. I sigh, but have no time to say anything further. "If you want anything-"

"Ask the butler, right?"

"Actually, I was going to say, help yourself, but I now see that's a stupid idea-you might be tempted to go back on your side of the bargain."

"Which is?"

"Staying here until I get back to negotiate."

"There's not gonna be any negotiating. I'm gonna get what I came for."

"We'll see," I mutter, closing the door on him.

* * *

_Kurtis's POV_

Well…that didn't go quite as good as I'd hoped, but hey, I never allowed for sentimentality. I didn't really think she'd have a whole lot to be honest…if it sounds like I'm pissed at her, hell you'd be right! She just left me there! I could have still been alive but dying for all she knew! Shit, I was! I don't know how I ended up at the hospital, but they never came back. I know it wasn't her-I heard snatches of someone talking to me, but it wasn't her. They sounded familiar, but not British.

Look, I'm not out to hurt her, okay, so you can stop giving me the third-degree with your eyes. I only want two things-my Chirugai and answers, and I'm not leaving till I get 'em, pure and simple. It's such a pity I had higher expectations of her, or I coulda been outta here in five seconds. Summoned the Chirugai and left without her even noticing. But it's like I said in Bolivia-I got too attached.

I never expected to trust another woman after all the bitches I've been through in my life-one of them actually tried to…you don't need to know about that. Let's just say I was very protective of my body after. And I'm not talking about Boaz. Although that didn't make me feel too great after either, I gotta admit.

But whatever, like I said, I got over it, kept travelling-with all the purpose gone of course, because I was only really travelling in the first place to track down Eckhardt, and he's dead, so…yeah.

But back to my original point, I'm gonna get what I want…I don't care how long it takes or how I do it to get those answers out of her, but I'll get them, one way or another.

But God, that look on her face, it was classic! Lily will be hearing about this-just so long as I throw in something else or she'll snap at me, hang up on me and made me have wasted a lot of my money on that call.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

Why is it virtually impossible to reason with women?! No matter what I say, Emma won't calm down!

"You know what really gets me?! You only suggested this _after_ rejecting my idea of us going away together! You claimed it was because you'd never get laid, and look what freakin' happened! Jeez, I knew I was teasing you, but were you _so_ insecure you had to sleep with your _boss_?!" I let out a disbelieving laugh. "Even _I _have never done the boss!"

"I wasn't _so _insecure, Emma, I lo-"

"There's that word again! Damnit, stop making this worse for yourself, Alister, you admitted yourself it's only been going on for two goddamn weeks! How could you _possibly _even _think_ that?!"

"Because it's the truth!" I snap, rapidly losing patience. She looks surprised-why, didn't she expect me to shout back?

"You are _sleeping _with your _boss, _Alister!" she shouts. "How could you-is she forcing you?" I do a double take.

"What?!"

"Honey, statutory rape is a lot more common than you'd think, especially from independent employers," she reasons, calmly.

"I can assure you it's not a one-sided relationship," I tell her.

"Yeah, you're right-no amount of money could force you to stick your hand up her skirt. It's way more intimate than straight sex-does she offer you money?"

"Jesus Christ, Emma!"

"You told me she's very lonely, she might-"

"Do you honestly think I'd _sell _myself?! Not to mention, it's incredibly offensive of you to say it takes a lonely employer to want me!"

"Honey, I don't mean it like that, I'm just-"

"Look, I can assure you no money is being exchanged for this affair!"

"So it is an affair?" she asks. Shit-bad use of word there.

"No-that was a poor choice of word," I counter. "It's anything but-"

* * *

_Emma's POV_

"No-that was a poor choice of words. It's anything but-" I haven't seen him this flustered in a long time. "I-I, oh forget it, you won't understand!" he says frustrated.

"_I-I, oh it doesn't matter," he says, blushing. He is so cute-it's like he's my little brother by like, ten years rather than being three years older than me!_

"_She must be spectacular. The only time I've ever seen you lost for words was when you got laryngitis." He gives me an evil look, but I just smile back at him sweetly, which pisses him off even more. It's crazy, I've only met him, what six times, but already I know so much about him, like his weird little habits, what annoys him (even more) and what makes him get all emotional._

"_Haven't you ever loved anyone?" he says seriously. Wow, that's a thinker. Sure I've loved people-not just platonically-but those have ended pretty damn fast after I told 'em. I guess I've never really, truly _loved_ someone-I tend to go for lust, it's a much safer route. And it's so much more fun!_

"_No, I guess not," I admit. He just nods, but is looking kinda sad. "Do you really love her, honey?" He shrugs._

"_I don't know," he admits. "I can't seem to get her out of my head-hell I left the country to _try_ and forget her! Sometimes I find myself hating her, but I don't know why-I'm talking a load of crap, I'm sorry."_

"_No, honey, keep going, you're making sense," I prompt._

"_Well, that's it, really. I haven't seen her since…well, two months ago." I nod. He's definitely in love._

"_Do you miss her?"_

"_In a way-not like I have to fly back I miss her so much, but as if it feels wrong she's not at the breakfast table every morning. That I don't walk into a gym and see her working out or I walk into a library and find she's not there." Absolutely 100. "So tell me, oh great psychologist," he smirks. "What's the verdict? Am I crazy?"_

"_No, honey," I shake my head sadly. "You're in love." His smile leaves his face. "I know that's probably not what you wanna hear, but it's my honest, professional opinion."_

"Was that her?" I ask out of the blue.

"Sorry?"

"Remember, like three and a half years back, when you came to visit me?" He nods. "And you were talking about love?" He nods again. "And I told you you were in love?" Another nod. "And you seriously don't know where I'm going with this?" A look of realisation hits his face (I have got to stop copying his phrases!). "Is she the one you were talking about?" I repeat.

He nods embarrassedly. "Oh my God, honey, I thought you were just screwing her," I say. He shakes his head. "Wow, so you've waited like, three years to make a move?"

"No…four."

"Four?!" I gasp. "My _God _you have a lot of willpower!" He shrugs. "Has she been worth it?"

"That's the thing, Emma…sometimes I doubted it, sometimes I tried to see the big attraction that would occur between us. But the answer is yes-she is worth all of it." I smile, almost sadly. My God, that's so sweet. I actually have a little tear in my eye! Wow…my brother actually got what we're all looking for…someone to love who's always enough.

"And is she…y'know, enough for you, like she is?" He nods.

"She always will be," he tells me.

"Wow, seriously, you should write like, a romance novel or something with that story," I sigh. He smiles modestly. He knows he's got it good…damnit, my geeky older brother has got a totally hot girl to go with him! How does he do it?! Lara's the second one-I never met Tilly or Anija-but I will never forget the Nadia thing. I think he was really starting to like it. "How _do _you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Get people like Nadia and Lara to go out with you!"

"Thanks, Emma."

"No, sorry, that sounded so much better in my head! But, seriously, what is your secret? Nadia stayed with you longer than any other guy-"

"It lasted a month!"

"That's what I mean! Most guys are lucky if they got her attention until the sun comes up! She told me that she could really 'fall for you' if she believed in that kinda crap!"

"Really?" he asks, sounding and looking kinda smug.

"Alister?" He looks up, from what looked like a trance. "Lara?"

"Yes, bugger, sorry!" he shouts in my ear.

"Right in front of you!" I point out.

"Again, very sorry," he apologises. I smirk. "But in answer to your previous question-I'm as dumbstruck as you! Not for one second did I really believe that Lara would feel…well, at least partly the same. I realise it'll take her a long time to feel completely the same, but that's okay. I understand why because I'm in love with her, you don't just fall in love with someone over night."

"Not even over a batch of marguerites?" He gives me the 'quit kidding around' look. I smile apologetically and mouth 'sorry'. "So, if you were so doubtful, why did you initiate?"

"I was fed up of my negativity," he admits. "I was like 'for God's sake, just do it! What have you got to lose?'"

"Well, your home if she got freaked enough, your dignity if she didn't kiss you back and your-"

"Emma!" I snort at his expression. He doesn't smile.

"Oh my God, _relax, _Alister, it's _happened!_" He smiles. "So she was definitely worth it?"

"Every hour." I smile. That is seriously one of the sweetest stories I've heard-it really does belong in some soppy romance novel or a soap opera. And it's not even that she likes him back, but that she was actually worth it...you don't find that sort of love everywhere. I just congratulate him on his patience and willpower. If I'd been him, I'd have grabbed her and kissed her the second I realised I had the crush!

Oh, what do I know? I only go for lust. Speaking of lust-seekers…

* * *

"Hey," I greet, just to let him know I'm there. He turns around and shoots me a little smile.

"Hey."

"So you found her," I say, remembering our little rendezvous a few weeks back. He smirks.

"I sure did. And you lied to me." Huh? When did-?

"Remind me."

"You told me you didn't know her," he reminds me. Oh yeah…

"Yeah, well, you know what, you didn't believe me anyway. Besides, you could have been anybody! And I didn't _know_ know her, I just-knew who she was," I babble. He nods, still smirking. "So how did you find her?"

"I got my sources," he says mysteriously.

"Right…and did those 'sources' know your intentions?"

"And what sort of 'intentions' do you think I got, Emma?"

"Hey, you remembered! I gotta give you credit for that, I guess-"

"What do you think my 'intentions' are?" he repeats firmly.

"I'm not sure. But I mean, they can't be anything too great, not if you go under a different name. You see, I was under the impression your name was Greg Days-only now do I discover it's actually Kurtis. Or is it-maybe that's just another alias?"

"What do you care, Emma?"

"Because you screwed me!" I snap. "You told me your name was Greg Days-I went on a date with Greg Days, I slept with Greg Days but, hey, it turns out, I didn't! Shockingly, I don't like being dated under false pretences!"

"Sweetheart, all I did was change my name-"

"But why?! What was the point?!"

"So I wouldn't leave a trail!"

"To who exactly, Kurtis, cos as far as you knew, I didn't even know who this Lara Croft was, so who would be there to pick up the trail?"

"You just said yourself I didn't believe you," he smirks. I frown

"Did you go through my things while I was sleeping?" I ask him.

"What-"

"Because when you left, I found my cell phone on, and I could have _sworn_ I'd turned it off the night before! Wait a-did you get Alister's number? What the hell did you do?!" I demand, towering over him.

"Hey, Emma, I didn't do anything. I didn't sleep with you to get that information. I actually kinda liked you. You know, in a-"

"One-night stand sorta way," I finish for him. He shrugs, but nods. I get back up and start walking away.

"Where do you think you're going?" he calls back suggestively.

"Sorry, you were good," I smirk, turning around. "But, I'm a one-night stander, too. But, one question?" He nods to show he's listening. "What _is _your name? Your _real_ one?"

"Right now, it's Kurtis Trent, that's all you're getting," he smirks back. "But I can tell you, the 'Kurtis' is genuine."

"You owe it to me. You slept with me as Greg Days-that's a false pretence."

"I slept with a lot of women as Greg Days."

"How's that better?"

"It's not. Just stopping you from thinking you're the only one." I smile.

"Catch you later, Kurtis Trent." He gives me that salute thing he does. I smile at him again and walk away.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Jesus, what the hell was I _thinking_ even _considering _for _one second_ of attending that meeting! I'm actually having difficulty believing we're the same bloodline-there's just so many remarkable differences between us! One of them being forgetting the past! I was quite happy to push all that ugly court business out of the way, but _noo! _They go digging it up again, subtly reminding me of 'what I missed out on!' Well, if that's the way you are, dear uncle, I missed out on _nothing!_

I stamp into the gym and automatically vent my anger on a punchbag, ignoring the protesting pains in my left wrist. I'll regret it tomorrow. A few well aimed punches and swift kicks and the bag split open! Christ, these things are weak!

"I hope you're not pretending that's me," someone mutters. Kurtis. I spin round to yell at him;

"Don't flatter yourself, Trent, I-" and see Alister standing there. "Oh, it's you, Alister."

"What gave me away?" he smirks. I sigh and turn around to punch some more, though feeling weaker and more exhausted. The punches are feeble and the kicks are too low. He comes up behind me and I feel his arms snake around my waist. He's whispering something into my ear, but it doesn't register. I'm too pissed off! "What happened, Lara?"

"It's going to be a long and pointless moan, Alister, so I'm giving you this opportunity to escape while you can," I warn, sighing. He pecks me on the cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispers. "Moan away." Well, I did warn him.

"I have a real arse for a relative," I begin. "And I can't believe that at one point I was playing in his back gardens with his kids, cos he really got on my fucking nerves today!"

"See, that wasn't so-"

"I'm just fazing you in, Alister." He mouths 'sorry' and lets go of me. I sit down against one of the padded poles and he takes a seat next to me. "Well, where shall I start-"

"Anywhere you like."

"Learn to recognise rhetorical questions," I tell him, but smiling slightly. "I met with him-he could have been anyone, bear in mind, he was just who the Cavendish Lab sent-to discuss…negotiations, if you will. About Excalibur?" He nods. "Basically, I want it back as soon as possible, but they want to hold on to it for a bit longer for more 'tests'. I pointed out that much more 'tests' would probably strip it of its powers and that bastard uncle of mine couldn't _resist _bringing up the court case, and started babbling on about how _he_ was stripped of _his _powers."

"_I'm not sure returning Excalibur to Miss Croft is the best idea, sir," Errol 'advises' to the professor. I sigh. "I think we should complete our experiments."_

"_This is exactly why legend hid it so well," I mutter._

"_What was that, Miss Croft?" he contradicts._

"_Excalibur wasn't created-by me, or Arthur, or any other of its forgers-to be experimented on! It was designed for a specific purpose, one which I intend to fulfill, but also one that you are keeping me from doing!"_

"_You must forgive Miss Croft, sir," Errol continues. "There was a rather traumatic event in her past that she has never let any of us forget. She tends to fly off the handle sometimes with her obsession."_

"_So would you if your mother literally vanished before your eyes into some other dimension!" I snap._

"_She also possesses strong belief for myth and legends, as all her…'excursions' prove."_

"_Well, if Excalibur is a mere myth and legend in your eyes, Uncle Errol, I should like it back," I retort._

"_I do not doubt its authenticity as an artefact, Miss Croft," he says deliberately. "I am, however, doubtful of its 'purpose' as you put it. What proof is there?"_

"_I've seen it first-hand," I remind him. "Twice."_

"_Hear-say evidence, Miss Croft-"_

"_Then perhaps you'd like a watch of this?!" I snap again, retrieving the tape. I expected some difficulty, but this was only ever a back-up plan! I never expected to have to use it! "Just because you're too old and balding to experience this stuff, Errol, doesn't mean it doesn't exist."_

"_Forgive my niece, professor," Errol says. "She has quite an aggressive streak in her. She can't live with the guilt."_

"_What guilt?" I contradict before Eddington can even open his mouth._

"_You've said yourself on numerous occasions that it was you who activated this 'portal', so to speak."_

"_Funny, I thought it was just myth and legend only minutes before."_

"_I am not denying its existence, Lara!" he snaps. "I am simply concerned that you will make another mess of this as you have of everything your entire life!"_

"He just went on and on from there, trying to undermine me. In the end, I never even got an answer as to when Excalibur would be returned to me," I sigh. Alister places an arm around me, and I allow myself to sink into his embrace. I can't get too emotional, though-there's still yet more unfinished business to attend to…that spat with my dear uncle was the least of it.

* * *

"Evening, Kurtis," I greet pleasantly.

"Wow, I've gotta get more of this aftershave. You're the second ex that's sought me out today," he smirks.

"Second?"

"That girl, Emma. You know her?"

"No, she's just a stranger in my house," I say sarcastically. He laughs. "So, you slept with her, then?"

"Once, in Washington. Just a one-night stand."

"Ah, but was that her philosophy or were you just being a pompous prick?"

"Always rushing to bad conclusions," he sighs. "I thought you knew me better."

"I barely knew you for six hours," I remind him. "Besides, I think you'll forgive me, because if you remember, in the first five _seconds_ you felt privileged enough to feel me up." He laughs again.

"Man, you shoulda seen the look on your face! It was classic!"

"So was yours when I fired that gun into the mutant right behind you."

"I thought you'd just shot me, and I was trying to figure out just how the heck I was still alive," he argues.

"And you'd just stolen my painting, so I guess we were both justified," I sigh. Don't give me that look! It was bloody hard work to retrieve it! I found getting into the Vault of Trophies easier!

"You and that damn painting-"

"Look, Kurtis, as much as I'd like you to stay and chat, I _am_ a busy girl with a hectic schedule to follow, so let's just cut to the chase, shall we?"

"Not one to lose sight of your mission, huh?" I smile.

"No," I agree. "Shall we?" He looks confused, but I sigh and walk out, hoping he has the common sense to follow.

He does.

I lead him up to the library, not once looking back at him. I'm not sure why I'm acting so blasé-God yes, I know I am. Perhaps I still don't trust him completely.

_So, why are you giving him his Chirugai back?_

Who says I am?

_Why else would you take him to the library, unless he wants to read Wuthering Heights!_

I'd never lend him that…it's Alister's pride and joy. Not to mention he probably doesn't even understand the title.

_Why do you keep underestimating me? _a new voice cuts in. Jesus!

I spin round to see him smirking at me. Since when could you talk in people's minds? I retort.

_Since forever. And it's fun to watch you freak. And when I was at school, the students used the library a lot more than just for checking out Wuthering Heights._

Don't be so vulgar.

I _am_ bloody losing it! If it's not my voice I'm arguing with, it's somebody else's! If I keep on with this 'argument' I swear I'll lose all sanity that may have remained! And no sarcastic comments, please, Kurtis.

_Damn, I was looking forward to that._

We reach the library, and I find Alister already there. Didn't I just leave him in the gym?

"Hello, Lara," he smiles, which disappears almost instantly as he sees Kurtis. "Mr Trent."

"Alister, could we have some privacy, please?" I ask. He nods.

"Time to go, Kurtis-you heard her."

"No, Alister-I meant could you leave _us_ alone?" I rephrase, unable to contain a grin.

"Fine," he agrees unwillingly and picks up near everything on his desk and proceeds down the secret passage. About two minutes later, he comes back for more.

"I didn't tell you to clear your desk, Alister!" I sigh.

"It's all necessary," he argues. "For the scrolls."

"I've seen the Oxford Linguistics department with less equipment than you!"

"But most of their languages are already spoken fluently at some point in the world." Well, can't argue with that, I suppose. When he's finally finished 'retrieving' what he needs, I let out a long sigh.

"So he's a great guy," Kurtis mutters. I let out a small shriek. "What, forget about me?"

"God knows how," I smile.

"I dunno, you did a pretty good job in Prague," he says pointedly, bringing me back to why I even brought him up here. I tell him to wait for me as I go up the staircase and into the study to the left. I have a little compartment in there. I pull the dagger lever down and a small bookcase hides away into another, revealing the compartment. As the Chirguai was never mine, I never thought to put it in a display case. I'm not sure why, really, because if you think about it, none of the artefacts are actually _mine._ I've found them all, and just use them as mementos of my trips. Perhaps in this case, Von Croy's journal-not to mention my memory-was memento enough.

I retrieve the Chirugai, and am unsurprised to see the blades spike out. I am forced to spin around as it pulls me towards the entryway, and use a lot of strength to prevent it from flying off. This time, the blades don't retract. I sigh and release it. It will only fly into Kurtis's hand anyway.

I follow it out and see him fingering it lightly. "Tearful reunion?" I mock, as he hastily replaces it into its case. I snort.

"Well, that's half my mission successfully accomplished," he mutters. I sigh. There's always more.

"What else is there, Trent? I gave you what you came for, so now you can leave just as suddenly as you came."

"Perhaps you didn't hear me before, Lara-it's not as simple as that."

"And perhaps you didn't hear me-"

"Oh I heard you."

"So do it. Leave." He stares at me in disbelief.

"Why do you want me out suddenly?"

"I can't see what else there is here for you. You came for your Chirugai, you have it."

"What, you think I didn't wanna see you?" he says, almost teasingly.

"I don't know," I sigh. "Did you?" He takes my hand and plants a small kiss on it.

"Well sure, why not? We're friends, right?"

"Friends don't lick each other's hands, Kurtis," I smile, pulling it away. He shrugs and pulls up a couple of chairs. "What are you-?"

"Well you gotta tell me what's been going on," he presses. "I heard you made some bigshot discovery. Some old sword or something." I smile.

"It's a lot more than 'some old sword', Kurtis," I reprimand jokingly. "As the proud owner of the Chirugai, please pay respect to other ancient artefacts." He raises his hands in surrender and seems to listen intently as I begin recounting the tale.

"So, did you cut yourself on it or something?" he says. I look up, confusion on my face. "Your wrist." Oh…well it wasn't Excalibur…

"It's nothing," I tell him, holding it instinctively. It's still quite painful at times. I look into his deep blue eyes and look down again uncomfortably, trying to ignore his eyes boring into me.

"Why did you leave, Lara?" he asks out of the blue.

"I thought we were over that," I sigh.

"I'm not being weird about this, okay, Lara, I just wanna know why."

"It's complicated," I say.

"Weird, cos I heard you say that the alphabet wasn't simpler!" he retorts. I take a few deep breaths, unable to control it. Oh for God's sake, what's wrong with me now?! Even I don't know why I'm getting so…distressed about it!

"I think you should leave," I whisper.

"Leave? Lara, I'm not done here yet-"

"Well I am," I tell him. "Maybe we can discuss it later, but for now, just leave me alone."

"This isn't over," he warns me, but gets up and leaves and even remembers to close the door behind him. Almost as soon as he's gone, I burst into tears.

What the hell's the matter with me? Every time I think about that last bloody 'adventure', I nearly always end up crying-that's why I don't talk about it. Every time I see Von Croy's dead body; every time I see Luddick getting horrifically murdered before my eyes; every time I see that pool of blood in the middle of the arena…every time I see Karel transform into Kurtis…

I fell for him. I did the one _stupid_ thing I told myself never to do-I got attached and fell for him.

You see, there are two things I learnt about myself on that trip. The first; I have been desperately craving companionship of some kind for God knows how long. Maybe it even dates as far back as my mother…the second was that I realised why I'd never have it. I'm not the sort of person you can hold on to, it's just too dangerous a road.

_It didn't stop Alister-he's loved you for four years and hasn't stopped._

Four years of loving, but not having me. If I'd known for all those years, would we still be together? Or would he have left…just like everybody else?

_They didn't leave you, they just-_

Died on me, same thing. And what about Von Croy-he did actually leave.

_He came back._

And look what happened. He got murdered.

_That was nothing to do with you. He got himself involved, he would have been murdered by Karel anyway. He dragged _you_ into it-intentionally!_

How was it intentional, he was dead!

_He didn't call you over so you could watch him die, Lara. He called you to help him get out of the mess! He's the guilty one here!_

He's not the one who nearly got Kurtis killed.

_Neither were you! That was Boaz!_

I could have stayed and fought!

_There wasn't time, Eckhardt had to be dealt with. Anyway, he didn't have to let you go!_

He was just being a warrior-it wasn't a hugely brave and selfless act. I should have helped-

_What could you have done? That spider was bloody massive, you could both have been skewered!_

At least then he wouldn't have had to be alone! That's what I feel guilty about, not the fact that he was skewered, that he nearly died, but because I left him! I got too attached…I got too attached. I fell for him, the bastard.

Funny, no replies to that one. I guess even my otherworldly conscience has no smart comments to counter that. How could I have been so stupid, let myself be so vulnerable…

I know why I never looked for him, but how can I tell him that? How could I even _begin_ to explain it? It would mean admitting my schoolgirl crush on him-that turned out to apparently be a lot more!-and to have the great duty of informing him he might never have been 'him' in my eyes…that by the end, I only saw him as Karel…I just didn't want to know, that's why I never looked. I didn't think I could stand knowing that the one I'd fallen for, for the first time in years, was just a bloody Nephilim all along. I figured it would hurt less if I just tried to forget…that's what I've done about every other problem, isn't it? I'm good at it.

To be honest, I'm still not really sure if giving him the Chirugai was the best thing, because I don't know if I trust him completely. That's why I left-I didn't know if I trusted him. I wanted to-God yes I really wanted to-but I didn't know if I could trust myself to make that judgement.

* * *

_Kurtis's POV_

Why do I always have that effect on girls? I always manage to get 'em pissed at me in some way or another. I guess I can kinda understand Emma's attitude, but still, what did I do to Lara? Or those numerous times Sweetcheeks just blew up? Definite resemblance in their attitudes. Maybe they're close friends? It would explain their similarities. But why couldn't she just say so? She told me 'personal reasons'. If I remember, Lara used that, too. Hmm…

Whoa, I'm thinking way too much right now. Shake it off, Trent-this isn't you. Well not since Eckhardt died anyway. "Trouble in paradise?" someone mutters. It's her tech guy. "What did you do?"

"You know, I'm still trying to figure that part out," I smirk. He nods, with an understanding look on his face. He's leaning against the door frame. "Name's Kurtis."

"Yeah I heard," he smirks. "I'm Zip." He takes my hand (at least he didn't search me like one moment in an airlock springs to mind. I did kinda have that coming, though)

"So, who are you, dude?" he asks.

"How do you mean?"

"Like, where do you come in? You just some guy or are you here for a reason?"

"We met about eighteen months back. She took something of mine and I want it back."

"What did she take?"

"It's complicated."

"Like how?"

"Did she ever tell you about Paris and Prague?" He gives it some thought but then shakes his head. "Then you wouldn't understand-sorry." He shrugs. I didn't expect that, I gotta admit. Maybe he's used to her having secrets. "And where do you come in?"

"Just her loyal tech guy of eight years," he smirks. "We had a one-off deal about twelve, maybe thirteen years back and like, four years later, she calls me up and needed a permanent use of my services. Who am I to decline? It's good money and she's cool. We got on good." I nod. "You wanna beer?"

"That would be great," I smile. Man, I haven't had real good beer in…six hours. I had one at the hotel before I left. Might have had something to do with me almost swerving into a ditch…better than I'm just a shit driver, cos as much as Lily likes to get me going with that, I'm not gonna believe it...

He throws me a beer from the refrigerator as soon as we get into the kitchen. I'm forced to use telekinesis to stop it from flying right over my head, but I don't think he notices. I crack it open and take a big swig. Man, it tastes good! "What did she take?" he asks suddenly.

"I'm not telling, it's complicated," I smirk.

"No amount of this stuff will get people to talk!" he says, more to himself. "I'm switching supplies."

"Hey, come on, man, relax-it's only my first can," I point out. He laughs.

"There's hope yet," he grins, then looks at something behind me. "Hey, Alister, wanna beer?"

"Uh, no thanks, I think I'll pass," he replies, coming in behind me. He picks up a can anyhow. "This isn't the stuff you tried to get _me_ drunk on," he mutters. Zip stops slurping and looks kinda guilty. "I guess they ran out of stock, eh, Zip?"

"Yeah," he laughs nervously. You know, I've known him for five minutes, but I would _love _to see that guy Alister get drunk!

"Have you seen Lara?" Alister asks.

"Uh no," Zip replies. "You seen her, dude?" he asks me.

"I left her in the library," I answer.

"Yeah, that's right-you pissed her off, didn't you?" Zip remembers. I shrug. Zip just nods but Alister suddenly looks kinda mad.

"What did you do?" Alister asks. I shrug again.

"I dunno-she just started screaming at me to get out. No big deal."

"Well I think it is, actually!" he snaps. Zip looks kinda shocked. "She doesn't go sending people out for no good reason!"

"Whoa, easy, Alister-she gets pissed kinda easy, remember?" Zip says, trying to make it a joke, placing a hand on his shoulder. Alister flinches away.

"You're so fucking shallow!" he hisses. "Both of you!" Zip sorta cowers away holding his hands up in front of his chest, but not able to not laugh. I gotta admit, not laughing is kinda hard on my part too. Alister just sighs angrily and storms out. Before he's gone, me and Zip are already in fits of laughter. I swear I've even got a couple of tears! I've had way too much of this stuff!

"Is he always such a bitch?" I ask, after calming down.

"No, normally it's when he's PMSing," Zip mutters. At this, we burst into laughter again.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

Those fucking two just don't take anything seriously! Especially Zip! I suppose this 'Kurt' or whatever his name can be forgiven, he's only just arrived, but still, they're really getting on my nerves! Having said that, this new boy I'm actually judging more for not being freshly serious!

I run up to the library but stop when I reach the door. I know it's my territory, but I knock anyhow. I hear a small murmur, and open the door. She's sitting on the desk, with her head hanging down. She's sniffling. "Lara?" Her head snaps up-she looks as if she's been crying. "Lara, what's wrong?" She shakes her head, smiling.

"Nothing," she says, though not convincingly and looking away. I walk up to her and cup her chin, pulling it towards me. I wipe a couple of stray tears away with my thumbs. I kiss her briefly.

"It doesn't look like nothing," I whisper, kissing her ear. I kiss it a few more times when she turns around and kisses me on the lips. I pull her into my arms. "Are you all right, Lara?" I feel her nod in my chest. I kiss the top of her head and rub her back. She feels tight and tensed. She pulls out of my embrace and smiles up at me. "Sit on the desk," I tell her. She looks a bit bemused but does so anyway. I go around the desk and climb onto it, kneeling behind her. I place my hands on her shoulders and begin kneading them gently. I hear her give a small sigh. "Is that better?" I ask. She nods. I switch positions so she's sitting between my legs. She leans into my chest, and smiles up at me as I continue to massage her gently. "Zip and Kurt were bonding in the kitchen," I remark.

"Were they?" she smiles.

"Yes-enjoying a can or six of beer together."

"Well, Zip's taken to him-shame, really. I want him out of here," she mutters.

"Really? I thought-"

"I've thought about it, and it's really not best if he stays," she finishes. "I'm just going to tell him that and get it over with. Try and get one meeting to go right today." I cease massaging as she gets up and heads towards the door. "Maybe I'll see you later?" I smile.

"State your time and place, milady." She laughs and pouts at me.

"I find baths very relaxing…particularly around eight," she says suggestively. I raise my eyebrows.

"Um…would you require any company? You know, helping you get in, I mean your legs and arms still aren't at their peak-" She comes up to me and places a finger to my lips.

"I think you already knew, Alister," she whispers. She kisses me on the lips and walks away, leaving me dumbstruck, gazing after her like some love struck puppy…oh yes, that sounds about right…sorry, um, yes, I think I'll…go…now.

* * *

_Kurtis's POV_

"Stop killing my soldiers!" Zip shouts at me.

"Well maybe I wouldn't have needed to start this massacre if _somebody _hadn't destroyed my entire helicopter supply!" I retort.

"They were bombing my trenches!"

"What do you expect, this is war! Ha-another platoon down!" I hear Zip curse and groan beside me. It's his fault-he challenged me.

"Hello, boys. Hard at work I see," someone very British and female behind us says.

"Well, y'know, gotta keep the strategies fresh," Zip says.

"Zip, just because your computer looks like it belongs in a WWI trench doesn't mean you have to!" He gets up suddenly.

"Hey!" he says sounding genuinely hurt. "Take that back! There is nothing wrong with-this computer, I'll have you know, it is completely state-of-the-art!"

"I'm so glad it's not just Alister anymore to piss off easily," she smirks.

"Damnit," Zip whispers. "Did I just take the bait of a really obvious wind-up?" She nods. He looks horrified and then walks out, shaking his head.

"I'm still sure I still haven't seen the worst of him," she mutters. I shrug.

"I dunno-he gets really stressed when his soldiers are down," I say.

"That's because he doesn't like being defeated at about the only thing he can do right," she smiles.

"I heard that!" he says from a big speaker.

"You were meant to," she says to the speaker, then we hear a loud click as he signs off, muttering 'goddamnit'. "I'll never understand men and their war simulations." She turns to me. "Can I have a word?"

"I'm right here." She pauses then walks over to a computer screen.

"He's bugging us-still hasn't forgiven me for that earlier incident," she smirks. "Perhaps we should go elsewhere."

"What room hasn't he got bugged?"

"About the only one he's never even thought to try is my room-I suppose it'll have to do. We'll be quick."

"We don't have to be that qui-"

"Save it!" She's onto me. Damn.

I follow her up to her room, not really paying attention to where we're going, though. I'm just following her. I'm just hoping she doesn't go jumping off the roof or something, cos I swear I'd follow!

She opens the door and gestures for me to go in first. "What happened to ladies first?" I ask.

"Nothing," she smiles sweetly. Whatever-she just called herself a guy!

"Nice boudoir," I comment. "You've gone all out for yourself, Miss Croft."

"Here's the deal, Trent," she sighs. "You came for your Chirugai, I gave you your Chirugai. You then tell me you won't leave because you want something else, I want you out of here. So why don't we save ourselves a whole lot of time by just getting it all in the open? You tell me what it is you want, I give it to you providing it's not a repeat of anything done previously, then you bugger off and leave me alone. Sound fair?" She doesn't even give me a chance to answer! Since when did she want me gone so bad? "What else do you want?"

"I already said," I remind her. "Answers. And correct me if I'm wrong, but that's not a repeat. I guess if you want me gone, you're gonna have to be straight with me. Why did you leave?"

"Kurtis, I can't answer that-"

"Was it cos you just couldn't give a shit? Did you see me, assume I was dead, and couldn't face it? Were you dragged out, just happening to have come back to the arena? Which is it?"

"None of them," she whispers.

"Then what is it, Lara, because it wasn't just me in that airlock. It wasn't just me in the arena-you cared."

"I did not _care_, Kurtis, you were hurt! It was just sympathy," she says, leaning against a wall.

"Right, so it was sympathy that drove you to make out in the airlock, huh?" She doesn't say anything. At least she's not denying it. "You felt something, Lara, and that's why it makes no sense."

"Things changed," she mutters.

"In the hour?"

"My whole perspective changed, you wouldn't understand," she whispers.

"Try me." I come up closer to her. "You can trust me," I whisper.

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that," she says in a strained voice.

"Lara, what the hell happened-"

"It was nothing!" she snaps, moving away from me. "I just didn't look for you-I just left. I was exhausted, I didn't have the energy to care!"

"Then why did you go back to the arena, huh? I know that's where I left my Chirugai! Hell, I even went back to look for it-oh oh, surprise surprise, it was gone!"

"How did you know it was me?!" she retorts. "It could have been excavated!"

"Because I checked with the guys who went in there. None of them said they saw it. They had all the workers under arrest, and none of the police said they'd seen it with them, so guess who was left?"

"That's the worst process of elimination I've ever heard."

"It worked, though. You did have it."

"Then why did it take you eighteen months to come for it?" she asks suddenly.

"I was healing for six of them," I tell her. "The rest, I dunno, it just didn't occur to me to look for you. I figured-what use is it to me now? The rest of the Lux Veritatis are dead so no-one to pass it on to, you collect artefacts anyway, so it's not like you'd do it any harm."

"What made you change your mind?"

"A friend of mine made me realise I was just putting off seeing you cos I wasn't sure if I wanted those answers or not. I could have come without demanding them, but then what would have been the point of waiting so long? Cos she's right-I wasn't sure if I wanted those answers or not."

"And do you?"

"Yes," I nod. "It doesn't matter how lame or cruel they are-I just want the truth." I can't really ask for much more (or less) than that, right? I'm not being unreasonable…it's a fair question. I know she felt something, not just cos we did a whole lot more than make-out, but because-I just got a feeling. I'll admit, telepathy isn't my strongest point-particularly with emotions-but she felt something. I know she did.

"If I answer, will you leave?" she asks. What is _with_ her obsession with me leaving? I shrug.

"I guess. I still don't get why you're so desperate to have me out, but sure, I'll go," I promise. She takes a deep breath.

"You're not going to like it," she warns.

"Will you just get to the damn point?" I say impatiently. "Or do you need a little 'persuasion?'"

"Are you threatening me?" she hisses.

"I dunno," I shrug, but bring my gun out. "What will it take for you to answer?" Her eyes follow my gun. Damn shame she doesn't have one on her, really. I repeat this to her, but she doesn't say anything. Oh boy, she's looking pissed! "You gonna kick it out my hand again?" I cock it at her.

"Funny, I was just thinking that," she smiles, then suddenly, lunges forward and knocks me to the floor, tossing the gun aside.

"Are you crazy? I could so easily have shot you or it could have discharged! What the hell-"

"First rule of threatening someone at gunpoint; release the safety so they know you mean business," she informs me, moving herself so she's straddling me. "Second-don't show remorse or caution, even when the gun's out of your hand."

"Back right where we started," I smirk.

"Are you going to fight me?"

"Was that 'bite' or 'fight', I didn't-" I feel her lips on mine before I even know what the hell's going on. She doesn't stop, and it takes me like, two seconds to respond. We pause for a quick breath, but our lips meet again, this time with much more fury. I nibble her lip, and as my tongue darts around, clashing with hers, I realise this was what we'd both wanted all along…

* * *

_Please do not kill me! Think about it...things can never get better if you kill me, cos I'll find it a bit harder to update! So yeah-you just...think about that. And to anyone who doesn't express their wish to kill me will receive extra chocolates from Belgium! The rest is the usual-chocolate and plushies if nice, chocolate if not so nice and a random 'screw you' if you hate it! lolx_


	16. Rekindling II

_Disclaimer: I have a new evil plan. It involves a gun and a counterfeit million dollar bribe-and if they don't take the bait with the money, that's what the gun's for...not mine yet, but this plan is foolproof lol_

_Team-chaser: Hehehe-I lovd dat review! And dat idea! I'm not gonna be quite as evil as that (well it depends on how you look at it) and about the whale-as inspirational and creative as it is, I can't use it. He's your character and I can't take credit for it-and I'm not being sarcastic, cos he sounds reali kool! lolx thanx 4 reviewing!_

_The Third Demi-God: He would be rather pissed, wouldn't he? Hehe-btw i lovd dat comment on this story bringing out the unknown side of everyone! (its also brought out my unable to spell side-I must've made about sixty typos in this!) And just to clarify, the world's not ending-gud idea tho, put it in your short stories! lolx thanx 4 reviewing!_

_Timeless4Life: Don't worry about the mental spaz, I wouldn't expect any less lol. Yes your handsome little Kurtis is in da story...hehe...bet you wish he wasn't now. And about dat plushie...I neva gave u a Kurtis plushie-are u n someone ganging up on me? evil lolx thanx 4 reviewing_

_oi-vey: How drastic is drastic cos this is da second threat I've had (third if you count Team-chaser's threats in the PMs! lol to Team-chaser) You're also the second one to say u lov kurtis but u wnt alister n lara 2 stay 2getha! oh well...hehe lolx thanx 4 reviewing_

_A/N To those Alister/Lara fans, I have now moved to France...in a very well hidden cave so don't come looking for me! It's useless, USELESS I tell you! Okay, read and weep people lolx

* * *

__Kurtis's POV_

"_The entrance is underwater," she mutters, more to herself than me. She cups my chin and pulls my face towards her. "No problem." She lets go and starts to walk out. I follow her, feeling a little-shaken, but in a good way, I think. "Are you sure you'll have no complications finding Eckhardt?" she asks. I don't even answer her. I just keep looking at her intently, when-I really don't know what comes over me-I lean down to kiss her. She pushes me off, looking really mad!_

"_Why are you fighting?" I say. I half expect her to kick me in the nuts or something-hell I wouldn't blame her-but she just gives me that look. The one that says 'I do want'. Our lips meet again and I pull her closer. I push her up against the wall as it deepens and gets more furious. She gasps when I deep-throat her._

_Before I can even tell myself to stop, I find myself messing with her shorts as she messes with my pants. She wraps her legs around my waist as we continue to kiss…

* * *

_

We break off for air again, both breathing heavily. She starts to shake her head, but I pull her back down and she's more than happy to keep on making out. I nibble her lip again. I roll her over and start kissing her neck. I feel her stroke my hair as her breathing quickens.

"No," she whispers, trying to push me away.

"Lara-"

"I said _no!_" she snaps, literally shoving me off her. What the hell was-she initiated it! Besides, it's not like I was going too far-we were just making out.

"Lara, what was that about?" I ask, getting up.

"It was wrong," she says. I offer her my hand to help her get up. She takes it and brushes herself off. She was on the floor for like, ten seconds! Maybe she's a neat freak at home. "I think you should leave."

"Lara, I told you-"

"The _room,_ Kurtis," she clarifies. I nod, muttering 'oh' and turning to go. "Although, now I think about it, you _have_ to leave."

"Why?" I ask, spinning around and walking closer to her. "Cos you've been acting weird about something since I got here, Lara! What is it you're so afraid of?"

"I don't have to justify myself to you! You've got what's rightfully yours-the Chirugai-and now I want what's rightfully mine; you gone!"

"I'm not leaving that easy, Lara."

"I think you are," she says determinedly. "Because this is my home and I am not going to let some American twat boss me about! If I want you to clean my pool, you clean my pool; if I want you to fling yourself from the rafters, you fling yourself from the rafters; if I want you out, you get out! I hate to break it to you, but I'm in charge here! I say who stays and who goes, and right now, I say you go!"

"When did you become such a bitch?" I have to ask, suddenly disgusted at her. This isn't the Lara I knew and (kinda) liked in Prague.

"You just saw my open-minded, slightly compassionate side in Prague, Kurtis. I haven't changed-you just remember a phantom Lara."

"The same Lara who kissed me just now?"

"That was a mistake," she tells me indignantly. "I don't know what came over me, I'm sorry-"

"I'm not," I tell her. She shakes her head sadly. "Lara, it's okay. I feel the same-I like you…a lot."

"Does it rival love?" she asks me sadly. I begin to shake then stop .What did she just say…? "Exactly." She gives me one last look then starts walking off. Whoa…now I'm officially-did she say love? "Where am I going, this is my room!" she says suddenly. I snap out of my thoughts (yeah, I have thoughts, smart-ass!) and walk out through the open door. Jeez…I'm starting to see why she wants me gone…wait a minute- "Are you going to leave or act as my new door?"

I'm so tempted to turn around and confront her about what she just said…but I'll leave it. If it's true…well, I'll just be making things worse, right? I should let her figure things out.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Oh my God, I am horrible, I'm terrible, I'm…what the _hell_ was I bloody thinking?! Just blatantly snogging Kurtis like that, you know, like I had no care in the world, no-one to be with, no-one who…loves me.

He's still standing there. "Are you going to leave or act as my new door?" I say sarcastically. He snaps into action and automatically turns to leave when he hesitates again. Oh, Jesus-oh, it's Alister-Alister! I turn to Kurtis to beg him not to say anything, but he's not even looking at me. Oh great-my boyfriend and Kurtis are shooting each other glares. "Do you think you could save the 'masculine' glares for dinner, I'm getting rather impatient," I interrupt.

Alister comes into the room as Kurtis exits, closing the door behind him. "Um…any reason why your room?" Alister babbles.

"Zip had everywhere else bugged," I explain. He nods with a small sigh. "He's not going to be easy."

"Sorry?"

"It's not going to be easy to get rid of him," I repeat.

"What-Lara, I know he takes the piss out of us sometimes, but he's all right, you don't need to fire him." Who said anything about firing anybody? "You're not talking about Zip, are you?" I shake my head, giggling. "Yes…nope, no smart comments to counter that, so if you will just excuse me-"

"Alister?"

"Yes?"

"Come here," I smirk, opening my arms out. I kiss him on the lips as he approaches, deepening it when he wraps his arms around me.

"What was that for?" he asks, sounding almost shocked as we break off.

"Do I need a reason?" He shakes his head. I smirk and kiss him again. We start moving towards the bed, our lips still locked. We collapse onto it, him on top of me, and we still don't break off.

"About that bath-" he begins.

"Actually, do you think we could just cut to the chase?" I suggest, making eyes at him.

"Thank God," he sighs, leaning down to kiss me again…

* * *

I awaken from a strange dream, in which I find Alister in bed with Marina and my reaction is to go to the bathroom and start slashing…eerily similar to the real events.

_That's a new sort of guilty conscience._

Wouldn't you be the guilty conscience?

_I'm just saying, it's you who's more likely to cheat, yet you dream of Alister cheating…_

Why would I cheat? I haven't cheated!

_Tell that to your swollen lips._

Kurtis wasn't the only one I-

_And we have a confession._

It was just a kiss-an innocent kiss, I don't know what came over me.

_You fell for him in Prague, Lara-sorry to be the one to break it to you._

I didn't-I didn't-

_You did. You fell for him, now you're confused. Should you act on your feelings and risk sabotaging both relationships, or should you be responsible and ignore your feelings, but be left with 'what if?' for the rest of your life?_

I-

_And that's why you want him out as soon as possible. You're taking the easy route again-if he's gone, you can forget about him but not be left with the 'what if?' feelings, because he won't have been here long enough for it to even arise._

As lovely as that analysis is, it's not true.

_So you're not taking the easy route? You're going to be mature about it for once and make a decision?_

There's no decision to make. I had a _small _crush on Kurtis, but now I'm with a man who loves me-

_Who you don't love back._

It's not like we're married! I'm not going to guilt myself for not having such strong feelings in the two weeks I've known!

_Do you think you even ever could?_

Of course I could-I will.

_Without using the 'he loves me, so I have to love him back eventually' philosophy._

I wouldn't even have considered it if he hadn't confessed!

_Exactly. You fell for Kurtis completely independently-a much better omen. Be honest-you're staying with Alister out of flattery._

I am _not! _I _do _really like him! I trust him! I bloody trust him-the first one I've truly trusted since…since…I really don't know. He may even be the first one I ever trusted.

_Since the rape?_

Probably…that's what emotionally destroyed me, isn't it?

_Yes, but you still had faith. And you also trusted Kurtis._

And they let me down…Alister is the first one I've felt truly safe with since the rape. Not even that, the only one who hasn't let me down!

_Safe? As in relationship safe or physically safe?_

Both. He won't let me down so much as to cheat and the man's saved my life twice! He killed for me.

_Yes, he's committed, no doubt about that._

But…?

_Are you as committed?_

Of course I am! I wouldn't think twice about killing for him! I'd barely think once! I'd just do it!

_And how 'safe' would you be in a relationship?_

I wouldn't cheat…of course I wouldn't.

_Technically, you already have. You kissed another man! And you meant it-it wasn't just an impulse spurred on in the heat of the moment, you meant for it to happen._

I didn't lead him up to my room to just blatantly snog him!

_No, but isn't it strange how you automatically straddled him?_

It was defence!

_It always is. You could make love to someone and claim it was to protect someone else-namely the cheated one._

That type of thing is possible. It displays true commitment.

_Unless of course you started enjoying yourself._

You wouldn't in that case.

_So, by your logic, your kissing Kurtis was defence?_

I didn't say that.

_So you wanted it?_

I didn't say that, either.

_Then what was it?_

I was just...confused.

_About what? About whether you wanted it? About whether you really did like him?_

Yes…

_And did it help?_

No…if anything, I'm more confused. I told myself I could get over him, then I kiss him!

_Meaning you can't get over him now you've had a preview of what it would be like._

There's _nothing _to preview! Nothing's going to happen, even if I wanted it to! I just need to be more forceful. He will be out of here before tomorrow, or I swear I'll resort to desperate measures! That's a promise!

"Good morning, beautiful," Alister says, stroking my arm. I roll over and smile at him. I move over to kiss him, deepening it as I climb atop him. "I'm going to interrupt you fighting with Trent more often, I think." I giggle at this and peck him on the lips before moving down to his torso, planting kisses over what feels like every inch of his chest and stomach. Normally at this point he rolls me over to repeat the process on me, but he stays still. Well, if he's content…

"Oh, Jesus!" I curse as a loud knock interrupts us! "I'm switching rooms! Yes, who is it?"

"It's Zip!" I climb off Alister and pull the comforter around myself. I open the door a crack.

"Morning, Zip. Anything you wanted?"

"I like your new wardrobe," he smirks, taking note of my attire. "Did you and Kurtis…you know." I exhale a laugh.

"For your information, I was getting ready to get into the shower!"

"In your comforter?"

"I'm out of towels," I sigh. "And in answer to your question, no me and Kurtis didn't 'you know!'"

_Bet you wish it was true, though. You've gone red._

Zip notices this as well, but fortunately doesn't say anything. He just winks at me and gives me a knowing smile. "Zip?"

"Lara?"

"What did you want, or did you guess I would only be wearing a comforter and you thought you'd come for a peek?"

"Well, maybe just a little one," he smirks. I give him 'the look'. "Yeah, it's stupid, but, why weren't you at dinner last night?"

"Oh, I wasn't feeling well," I lie. "I had a bit of a fever."

"Honey, are you-"

"I'm fine, Zip-it was just a 24 hour bug, no big deal. I feel great now."

"You always say that."

"It's always true," I shrug. He gives me a sad look.

"I think you need to talk to someone," he says.

"About-what?"

"Your suicide," he says flatly. I shiver involuntarily.

"Do you always have to bring this up?" I sigh. "Oh, Jesus, you don't think I was trying again, do you?"

"I don't know, Lara. I'm getting worried about you. You're being really secretive."

"No more so than usual."

"I think that's half the problem. You're not acting out of order, so nobody notices. It's time we talked properly."

"Who, everyone, or-?"

"You and me. I'm a good listener. You ever want to talk-"

"You're there for me," I finish. "I know, Zip."

"Yeah, but do you? That offer's been on the table for like, ever but you never talk."

"It's not easy, you know," I sigh. He nods.

"Sure, I get it, and that's cool, but seriously-I think you need to talk about this. Be honest about your feelings." I nod. "Do you want to talk now?"

"Zip, I'm in a comforter."

"And we've been roommates for years-I've seen you in towels before, it's no big deal." I exhale another small laugh.

"You want to have a serious talk when you're in your underwear and I'm wearing a comforter?"

"Well, maybe not right this second," he grins. "But we'll talk, though, right?"

"Okay, Zip," I agree. "We'll talk. I promise."

"I'm holding you to that." He stalks off, leaving me pondering.

"Lara?" Alister calls me back to the real world. "What was-what-what the hell?" I don't say anything. I knew Zip could be extremely attentive and caring but it never occurred to me he actually…_cared_.

"We should go to breakfast," is all I grant him as I move to my wardrobe.

_Be honest about your feelings…_Zip's words echo in my head. Maybe I've been going about this the wrong way. Maybe the way to get rid of Kurtis is to just give him what he wants. The only way I'm going to get Zip off my back about this is to just talk. Kurtis wants answers…and I'm going to give them to him. As for my feelings…well, there's such a thing as being too honest.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

Something's bothering her, I can tell. I know she's the one who initiated last night, but it felt like she wasn't quite…connected. And this morning, something was up. Maybe I'm just being completely and utterly paranoid, but it felt like she was over-compensating for something.

I don't want to say anything, though, because I always read her wrong! Like that time I accused her of a one-night stand! And I still feel like a complete loser for telling Marina about her attempt! Maybe she's still slightly pissed at me for that, I don't know.

Oh, shit, Marina! Bollocks, I completely forgot about her! I promised to call her, but never got around to it. Oh, don't give me that look, I've been distracted! Being with the woman you love does that you, oddly enough.

I should probably tell her it's over…then again, did it ever really start? We went out for two coffees and one dinner with a quick-session, shall we say-in between! If you think about it, what's there to break up? If she does consider me as her boyfriend, I haven't exactly been brilliant, have I? Actually, I'm surprised she hasn't officially 'dumped' me yet. Maybe I was just over-presuming? Perhaps she did never see me as a boyfriend…oh well, that'll make this phone call a bit easier.

I go through to the library (I have _got_ to move the personal things into my room sometime!) and retrieve the address book. I flick through it until I reach 'L'. I find her number and pick up my mobile, feeling strangely nervous all of a sudden. I dial anyhow, and listen to the 'ring-ring' tone, trying to work out what I'll say.

"Hello?" a very tired Cockney voice answers.

"Marina? It's Alister."

"Oh, hello," she yawns. "What time is it?"

"Um, about ten."

"Oh right. Sorry if I'm a bit out, I've only just got to bed. I had the bloody midnight to eight shift so I'm exhausted!" Oh great-knowing my luck, I'll tell her and she'll either explode through tiredness or I'll tell her, she'll be fine but forget about it because she was so tired! "Anyway, you did it!"

"Did-what?" I ask.

"You actually called me! If at a bad time, but it's still a step forward," she laughs. I laugh along, feeling so awkward I swear an extremely shy person starting their first day of work at a live television studio has more confidence than me!

"Yep-I must be growing up." She giggles.

"Um, listen, I don't wanna be rude, Alister, but I'm exhausted, so was there anything you wanted?"

"No, nothing urgent," I lie. "I just wanted…to see how you were doing?"

"Aw, aren't you sweet?" she says. "Look, well, can I call you back when I'm a bit more awake or I'll probably tell you something really stupid and you'll dump me!"

"Don't be silly," I laugh awkwardly. Oh, Jesus, this is so awkward.

"Okay, talk to you later, Alister," she says and hangs up. Well that went according to plan. Nice work, Alister. It's like that time with Tilly-even after she said 'Mel' in our private time, it took me a bloody week and three other 'times' to dump her! I'm just so bad at it! I'm always trying to be too kind when doing it, but say the wrong thing, they either start crying which makes me feel guilty, or they absolutely lose it and start screaming bloody murder, and obviously I can't leave them in that state, so I have to calm them down!

"Hey, dude?" someone says suddenly. I jump and turn towards the door and see…no-one. I frown in confusion, when I feel a small tap on my shoulder. I jump about a mile into the air and see Zip standing behind me.

"Damnit, Zip!" I curse.

"Sorry," he smirks. "But, anyway, do you know what's up with Kurtis and Lara?"

"How should I know?" I snap.

"Whoa, what's up with you, dude?"

"Nothing," I sigh. He gives me a disbelieving look. "Breaking up isn't easy."

"Dude, you're dumping Marina?" he gasps. I nod. "Why, she's gorgeous."

"I think I'm going to need a bit more to go on than 'cool'," I say, although unable to contain a smile. Oh, Zip, if only you knew…actually, I'm absolutely thrilled he doesn't. Can you imagine the stick I'd get from him? At least Emma seemed okay about it in the end, when she found out me and Lara weren't just screwing each other.

"Well, you got on really great with her," Zip points out. "And you must have been into here to want _my_ help for choosing an outfit and _pay _me for it!"

"I still think you cheated me! I mean, fifty quid!"

"Hey, it is not easy thinking up complimentary sarcastic comments!" he mock snaps. "I need something to make it worth my while!"

"How are they complimentary if you want paying?" I ask sceptically.

"Well, hey, nothing's free," he shrugs. I shake my head. "But seriously, why are you breaking up with Marina-she's cool. You like someone else or do you just miss your celibate lifestyle?" I give him 'the look'. "Got a bit exhausting after so long, did it?" he continues, not taking the hint.

"Zip-"

"Okay, okay," he sighs. "But out with it, why are you dumping her?"

"You haven't been giving me the chance," I sigh irritably, but decide to tell him. The worst that can happen is that he'll tell everyone-Emma will get why, but be a little shocked about Marina; Lara will _definitely_ understand and (hopefully) be pleased. "I'm dumping her because…because…"

"Yeah, I don't think she'll be too impressed with _that_ excuse," Zip mutters.

"It's not easy, Zip!" I snap. "I hate dumping girls! It always goes so badly and I always end up resenting myself for not having done it better!" I place my head in my hands, sighing loudly.

"Okay, dude, let's leave the reason for later. How are you actually gonna do it?" I shrug.

"Over the phone?" I suggest.

"That's just tacky."

"I could take her out and break it to her gently?" He shakes his head again.

"It gives her a false hope and makes her even more pissed at you."

"So I'll write her an e-mail!" I sigh.

"No, the 'doing it in person' thing is a great idea, just don't take her out first," he says thoughtfully. "You could meet her…but that's also kinda presumptuous…" Where is he getting all this from? And since when was 'presumptuous' in his vocabulary?! "Yeah, I think the best thing you can do is meet her at work, ask to talk to her then just be out with it," he concludes.

"Should I get her a coffee first, or-"

"No, that's too datey. You could do it after her shift."

"Or before," I remark.

"No, she's a nurse! If she's pissed, she won't be on top form which is bad."

"And it's because she'll need to be on top form that she'll have to deal with it," I point out.

"When did you become so mean?" he asks suddenly. I shrug.

"Who's being mean?"

"It's just not like you to be so…well, cruel about it! You're more freaked about how it'll effect you here. Telling her at the start of her shift means you can disappear easy-that's just the easy way out. I didn't have you down as 'that' guy."

"Well, all right, maybe that would be unfair," I agree. "But they always start yelling at me!"

"How do you normally do it? Do you give 'em a good reason or do you act all stuttery like you did just now?"

"Well, I try to give a good reason, but it always comes out wrong," I say. He nods.

"Like, how? All crap and unsure?"

"Sort of."

"That's what pisses 'em off!" he says triumphantly. "You need to be mature and honest-but more importantly, you need to _sound _it! You act mature, I can promise you she will!" I nod, taking it all in. "So, why you dumping her?"

"I-I don't know, it's just-"

"I'm going to need a better reason than that!" he says shrilly. What's he- "Do you honestly expect me to be all 'oh, he's dumping me, but he doesn't know why, I guess I should be nice to him!'" What is he _on? _"I mean, for God's sake, Alister, we-we-I thought you liked me! You're just a bastard, that's what you are!" Oh! He's being Marina! I have to admit, he's captured her quite accurately. I could easily hear her say that!

"Marina, calm down," I say. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I need you to understand-"

"Understand what?!" he shrieks as Marina. "How can you expect me to understand when you won't even give a _reason?!_"

"Give me a chance!" I snap. He doesn't say anything. He's starting to scare me with his deadly accuracy! "It's just-it's not working out, Marina. I'm sorry."

"Oh, right, so you're dumping me for no good reason, but you're _sorry?! _That makes me feel so much better!"

"Marina, I'm not going to lie to you," I say as calmly as I can. "I do like you-I think you're sweet, incredibly pretty and smart and caring…but it's just not going to work out. Because you're right, I am a bastard. An absolute prick-you deserve someone who deserves _you!_"

"What are you talking about?" he says calmly-still in role of Marina, obviously.

"I was being selfish," I continue, trying hard to word it carefully. "Had the circumstances been different, I probably wouldn't have taken you up on your offer."

"So what's changed between now and then?" I don't say anything. "Have you been cheating on me?" he asks indignantly. I slowly nod.

"That's why I'm ending it now, to stop you getting more hurt," I say.

"How long?"

"Two weeks."

"Two we-we've only been going out for three! What, one girl wasn't enough for you, you heartless bastard!"

"Wouldn't you rather know the real reason I'm ending it, Marina?" He slaps me. "Ow-Zip!"

"Sorry, got a little carried away. But hey, have you been cheating on her?" I shrug. "Dude!" he says, sounding almost impressed. "Who?"

"None of your business!"

"Well, anyway, you were doing okay before you admitted you were cheating," he tells me. "You just need a kinder excuse and you're there! By the way, the compliments? Nice touch!" He pats me on the back and leaves. I smile, feeling a bit better. I can do this-it's only breaking up with someone. As I said, I haven't exactly been a great 'boyfriend' so she should take it well…hopefully. Even if she doesn't, she'll have to deal with it, won't she? I love Lara-it was very cruel of me, though, to even start dating Marina, when I knew I still loved Lara. I very stupidly told myself I could get over Lara. What was I thinking? Not one of my better moves, I have to admit.

I'm not sure why I took her up on her offer to be honest. I can't claim fatigue or exhaustion, because even though I was exhausted, it didn't mean I wasn't thinking about Lara. I think what Zip said to me just really hit home-I was 37 and hadn't been with anyone since I came back to work for her…that was two years ago. Jesus Christ, no wonder I felt like I had to go with someone! Anyone! And Marina was attractive, it was just a natural impulse. I'd basically been living as a celibate desperately in love, someone else made me actually acknowledge the fact, I felt like I'd never have a chance with Lara and she asked-can you honestly tell me you'd have said no?

Anyway, as I said, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm with Lara, I love her and Marina's…just history now.

* * *

_Kurtis's POV_

"You see, the thing with your tactics is, they got no structure," I tell Zip, who just lost against me again! I think he's getting kinda pissed now…it's so funny the way he screams and shouts. Anyway, in exchange for him _not _kicking my ass, I tell him what 'my secret is'. "You're just like 'charge!' and to hell with the consequences, you know? You bring out your strongest guys first, hoping to kill me in the first round!"

"It's always worked before," he protests.

"Yeah, but that's cos you always play with guys with even less strategy than you," I point out. He shrugs. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I've done this before." He raises his eyebrows.

"You were in the military?" he says, sounding impressed. "Yo, Winston! You guys can swap stories!"

"I wasn't in the military, man," I tell him. "I was in the French Legion."

"Dude, you were a mercenary?" I shrug.

"It's no big deal," I say casually. "I was sick of everything at home, went to France by chance, needed money so I signed up. I'd already had experience."

"Really? Yeah, cos I was gonna say, they don't normally recruit complete asses who don't know what they're doing!" he smirks.

"I was at West Point for two years," I say. His eyes widen. "What?"

"It's just a little weird, cos we know a guy who went to West Point," he remarks.

"Yeah? I know a lot of guys who went to West Point," I smirk. He gives me 'the look' then starts laughing himself. "Who's the guy?"

"Rutland? You know, James Rutland Jr?" Rutland, Rutland-Rutland!

"Oh, no way!" I laugh. "Not him! Not Smutland! Man! How did you even come across him?"

"He's a little friend of Lara's," he smirks. Ah, I get it. A friend like Eckhardt. "So, what's with the nickname, as accurate as it is?" I smirk.

"His father tried to cover it up, but we all know the real reason he came to West Point was cos he was forced-to 'reform' or some shit like that."

"What'd he do?"

"Apparently, he raped someone." He gives a low whistle, muttering 'man, that's nasty'. "She killed him yet?" I ask nonchalantly.

"No she hasn't," he says, sounding very feminine.

"Something's happened to your voice, man," I say.

"It hasn't changed, Kurtis. Unless Zip's read my mind, mimicked my accent _and_ taken up ventriloquism." I nod, unable to hold in a laugh.

"Sorry, Lara," I smirk.

"I want a word with you," she says, straight to the point, and before I can answer, grabbing my arm.

"What did I do this time?"

She takes me up to the library, not saying a word. She draws out a chair and literally pushes me into it!

"You want answers, you'll get them," she says, leaning over me. "I just need you to promise me two things."

"Name your terms."

"First, you won't repeat a word that's been said in here." I nod. "And second…you won't interrupt me or stop me, no matter how upset I seem to get, okay?" I nod.

"Sure." She nods, giving me a small smile. She takes a deep breath, bracing herself. Man, how hard can it be?

"Did you know Joachim Karel?" she begins. I shake my head, hoping this doesn't qualify as interrupting her. She looks kinda surprised but doesn't say anything about it. "He worked-or so I thought-for Eckhardt." I nod. Wait a minute, so she thought? "It turns out, he was behind everything," she continues. "Eckhardt, Gunderson, Boaz, you name them-they were all working under Karel. He just let Eckhardt believe he was in charge." Well, that's new.

She looks like she's struggling with all this. She just shakes her head, muttering 'get a grip!' to herself and turns to face me again. "There's something you should know about Karel," she tells me. I lean in closer, to show her I'm listening. "He was Nephilim-a real, live Nephilim." Wait, what-shit! She sees my obvious surprise. "Yeah, I know, I was a bit bloody pissed off as well! Wasn't a Black Alchemist enough? No, we also get a pissing Nephilim!" She gets her own chair and slumps down in it, putting her head in her hands.

"Ironically, though," she begins after a few minutes' silence. "He was the one who eventually killed Eckhardt. He battled the third Shard from my hand;

_I come from behind the pillar, with a feeling of triumph inside. I don't show it, though. This has been too easy so far. I brandish the Shard, and run towards the collapsed Eckhardt-_

_- when somebody grabs my hand roughly and wrestles it from my grip, forcing me to the floor. I draw my gun and point it at them. "Karel?" I say disbelievingly. He looks down at me menacingly._

"_Go on, fool, kill her!" I hear Eckhardt cry. Karel continues looking down at me menacingly, and I close my eyes, preparing for the worst…_

_I open them and see Karel running towards Eckhardt and stabbing him in the forehead with the final Shard. He begins screaming in pain, as he did when the other two penetrated him. When his cries have died down I walk towards Karel._

"_Why did you do that?" I have to ask. "You worked for him."_

"_No," he disagrees. "Unknowingly, he worked for me." I breathe a sigh of relief, though not letting go of my guns._

"_So you'll destroy it, then?" I check, looking at the hanging form of the Sleeper as I speak. He grins._

"_Of course not," he chuckles. "The Great Work will be completed. I'm asking you to help me form a new benign order upon earth."_

"_You're kidding, right?"_

"_We Nephilim have only ever been trying to survive, Lara," he explains, his skin now a pale white, his eyes a blood red._

"_Too many people have died for me to trust you," I say to him, not lowering my gun. "Including a good friend, Von Croy."_

"_Von Croy was an unfortunate victim of history. Eckhardt was stupid to have murdered him."_

Shit…okay, starting to see why she got so freaked. So we were trying to get Eckhardt and Karel was the bad guy all along. Was it him that murdered my father…?

"That isn't even the worst bit," she sighs. "I've never told anyone, it was too…there isn't even a word for it," she continues. Goddamn my need for answers! This is obviously difficult for her.

"Lara-" I begin.

"Don't interrupt!" she says to me forcefully. "That's all I asked for!" I nod. I mouth 'sorry' to her. "Did you know Nephili could shape-shift?" I shake my head again. It's shocking how little I know about my own 'enemies'. I guess my father told me, I just never listened…

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"When he was doing his little monologue about survival, he started going on at how he's been helping me…he transformed into Bouchard." He looks confused. "Just someone I knew. Then, Luddick-a Czech reporter," I explain. I pause. Oh God, I can't say this! It still scares the crap out of me just thinking about it! "And you…" I finally get out.

"_You can trust me, Lara Croft," he says , outstretching his hand, still in Kurtis's form! I gasp and back away, eyes widening in fear and shock. Kurtis…shit, no, no! No, he wasn't Kurtis, he wasn't ever Kurtis…when can he have been? He wasn't Kurtis-please God, he wasn't Kurtis!...

* * *

_

…_I make a run for it as I hear a big explosion, which is hopefully the sound of Karel and his precious Sleeper finally being eradicated! There are just some species this world could do without._

_I absent-mindedly walk down the halls and corridors until I find myself back there…in the arena. My heart does somersaults when I spy the huge pool of blood in the middle of the floor. Shit, no…what's that? I walk closer and see that it's his Chirugai. Could this-could this mean Karel was bluffing? He was never Kurtis? So where is he? You've left your Chirugai, but where the hell are you?!_

_I pick it up and finger it lightly when suddenly, the blades spike out. I gasp as it forces me to spin around, leading me to the small garage from which Boaz emerged. Then, just as suddenly as they came out, they retract. The disc vibrates slightly before going dormant. I look into the darkness again and smile to myself. I'm coming, Kurtis…_

He looks really confused now. I can see what's going on in his mind-'but she never came.' I'm just getting started, Kurtis…

I don't continue. He's actually taken the fact that Karel transformed into him quite well, but…well here comes the best bit! You know, the part where I have to tell him I fell for him!

"I-I lost my nerve," I say. "Because of what happened-when Karel transformed into you-it just got me thinking…I'd been going over it for ages, and not _once _could I figure out when he'd been you! That either meant two things-he was bluffing…or you'd never been 'you', it was him all along…"

"When I saw the Chirugai, I thought 'this is my insurance', that you were real and Karel had just been bluffing…but then I realised-why would you leave something so important behind? Was it so I'd find you, you just genuinely forgot…or was it a trap?" He's being bloody good about all this-he hasn't said a single word. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to know…I was tired, bleeding and…I didn't think it would do me any favours to look for you and find you'd been bloody Karel all along." He still doesn't say anything. "Say something," I beg.

"Okay, so you thought I was Karel, or Karel was me or whatever, and that's why you never looked?" I nod. "Why did it bother you so much? So what if it had been? I'd rather know than walk away and try to forget."

"Well, I've become very good at that tactic, so I didn't see why this occasion should have been an exception," I reply.

"Okay, okay, but-all right, starting to understand a little better, but why did it bother you so much? Were you scared he'd kill you?" I shake my head.

"I knew I'd at least slowed him down enough so he couldn't hurt me," I truthfully reply.

"Then, why did it bother you so much, Lara?" Because I fell for you, you bastard, that's why! I couldn't deal with knowing that the one person I'd grown attached to in years was a…was someone else entirely! "Lara?"

"Do you really want to open this can of worms?" I warn him. He shrugs.

"Be my guest-hey, it's what I'm here for. You said you didn't wanna know-why was that?"

"Because I fell for you!" I burst out. "I did the _one_ bloodything someone like me should never do and grew attached!" He looks surprised-scratch that, absolutely gobsmacked. "I knew that I wouldn't be able to deal with it if the one person I'd fallen for in years turned out to be a fucking Nephilim so I just left…so there, that's your answer!" I turn around and storm out, feeling the tears already making their way out. Oh for God's sake, why do I always cry at the _thought?! _Was I so scared of…what was I so scared of? He's right…I was scared, I just don't know what of. Was I scared of discovering…what? Was I so terrified of being alone? So scared of the thought I thought it'd be better to pretend he never existed than to discover I never even had the _chance_ of…salvation? Shit…he was my potential salvation…

"Lara!" he calls, coming out of the library. I turn around, trying to look nonchalant.

…one I don't need anymore.

"Lara, did you mean what you just said?" I smile, remembering when Alister confessed. What he just said was my reaction almost word-for-word. I shrug.

"It doesn't matter. What's important now is that I've kept my end of the bargain, now it's time for yours. I want you gone by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow-"

"You're right-better yet, this evening," I amend. I turn around and start to walk away.

"Lara, what would you say if I told you _I _got attached?" I stop. Oh shit…I never counted on that to happen! I spin around again. I shake my head.

"You don't mean it." He nods.

"Sorry, honey-why else do you think I'd care so much that you left me?" I don't say anything. "It's ironic, isn't it? I get all pissed that you didn't look for me cos I cared and you didn't look for me cos you cared…I'm still trying to get my head round that, but it makes some sort of sense." I shake my head. I knew this was a mistake! I knew I shouldn't have bloody said anything!

This is exactly why I need him out, now more than ever…it's no longer just me who went against protocol…

"I want you out," I repeat calmly but firmly.

"Why, Lara?" he argues. "Why do you want me out? What is it you're so scared of?"

"I don't need to give you a reason!" I snap. "This is _my_ house and _I _call the shots! I think I was being extremely nice giving you your damn answers! Well now you have them, so go!" He comes closer to me and presses his lips on mine, and places a hand on each cheek. I don't respond, but don't push him off either. He breaks off. Shit…that actually felt so…nice…

"Tell me you don't love me, Lara, and I'll go. Look me in the eye and honestly tell me you don't love me," he whispers, though not moving further away.

"Do you love me?" I ask, adrenaline rising as I try to read his expression for the answer. He brushes his lips against mine again. "That's not an answer," I say.

"But you know what I meant, right?" he whispers. I nod, surrendering to the feeling as our lips meet again.

I pull away from him suddenly, the face of Alister flashing in my mind. I picture that look in his eyes just when he's close to me, as he's about to kiss me, that passion in them…then I picture his horrified, hurt expression he'd no doubt have if he caught me and Kurtis kissing. I push Kurtis away and turn around, this time not letting any of his shouts push me into turning around.

Guilt floods through my system as I close the door behind me. I just walked into the nearest room I could find. By some strange coincidence, it's actually Alister's. Then again, we were so close to the library, I suppose it was inevitable! Oh Christ, what if we'd taken it further…we might have ended up in here! Shit…I'm a bitch, an absolute bitch! I'm with _Alister! _Just thinking about him sends a small shiver down my spine…to be honest, I've grown to like him a lot more than I thought I could, even when it started. I don't _love_ him, but it's been two weeks…

_You fell for Kurtis after two days!_

I didn't-by the end of the first one, I wanted to kill him!

_I hate to break it to you, but those feelings we had of wanting to push that kid over in the playground just so you'd get their attention-it doesn't die out!_

Well he would have definitely noticed me if I'd killed him! There'd just be the tiny factor that he would have been dead!

_You know what I mean-you kid yourself it's because you don't like them when in fact, it's the opposite._

Well, even so, it was just a crush!

_And what about Alister?_

I'm way beyond the crush stage!

_Were you ever there?_

Of course I was! That's what those rushes of adrenaline were-before he even kissed me!

_All right, so you're beyond the crush-but, where are you?_

I allow my eyes to drift across the room, now trying to ignore the voice. As much as I hate to say it, it's right. What am I talking about, it's just my bloody guilty conscience! I'm getting so tired of this voice-even before all this, it was there in the background! I've had that voice since-since…since I was a teenager.

Shaking this thought from my head, my eyes land on the tidy four-poster. I would normally just call him an absolute neat freak, but he has an alibi for last night…he was in my room.

I smile slightly as I remember. I let out a long sigh, before remembering where I am! What am I even doing, kissing Kurtis in the corridor?

_You fell for him, those feelings never left completely._

Isn't that awful? I'm a horrible person, an absolutely terrible person! I'm a complete bitch for doing this! How can I still be 'fallen' for Kurtis when I have Alister?

_You can't help your feelings-you fell for Kurtis long before Alister happened._

It's been eighteen months!

_You never got over him. You didn't do yourself any favours by convincing yourself you could just walk away and forget him-if anything, you just made it worse, because your desperate not wanting to know only enhanced what you felt for him._

But even so! It's been eighteen months, I'm with a man who loves me, who's been one of my best friends for over a year (since he came back, that is)-the same one who I confided in about the rape; the same one who's saved my life twice; the same one who's comforted me those times I allowed myself to get upset; the same one who didn't leave my side when I was in the coma…he has been such a great friend! What have I been doing? Swanning off God knows where, coming back expecting immediate action on whatever needs to be done-

_You're their employer, they expect no less._

Well, despite their roles as mere 'employees', I couldn't ask for better friends! They're loyal, they're caring…they do everything for me-literally! Alister literally killed for me! _Alister! _He did something completely out of character, just so I could live another day. He burdened himself with the murdering of someone else just to see me live.

_Why are you being so sentimental at the subject?_

It's so out of character! This is _Alister _we're talking about! I'm a total bitch!…most girlfriends would kill for his commitment, his loyalty, his passion, his tenderness…I couldn't ask for _anyone_ better than him! He actually makes me feel safe, loved…everything I'd want in a companion. It's not that I don't love the exhilaration of a dangerous moment, but it's nice to know you have somewhere to go, someone to be with if you just want a safe, normal bit of time…someone you can talk to about anything without fear of ridicule…someone you can trust.

I do trust him, even if he did slip up with Marina, but who hasn't? With such a complex character like myself, it would be bloody impossible _not _to slip up! Look at Kurtis-he slipped up by disappearing completely!

Oh Jesus, Kurtis! What am I going to do about this?! Alister loves me, Kurtis obviously has deep feelings for me…and I'm fucking torn! On the one hand there's Kurtis-someone I fell for after two days! Someone who really gets me going when I kiss him, someone who I'm not sure I can entirely resist, even with the ethical boundaries of already being with someone. And then there's Alister…who loves me so much, you can actually see it in his eyes and can reduce me to jelly!

Once, when he took me out to dinner, we went onto the dance floor, with a slow, romantic song playing and I looked up into his face, and saw his eyes gazing into mine, filled with such…passion, love…it's indescribable. It was enough to completely dissolve me. In an odd way, it scared me just how much love seemed to be there, as if I almost couldn't believe the emotion was so strong. And then, it felt like…what he was feeling for me was so strong, I actually felt some it myself…for him.

Which one would you choose-the one you obviously can't resist no matter what or the one whose feelings for you are so strong you can't help but get caught up in the moment?

Is what I feel for Kurtis just plain lust? Is what I was feeling for Alister on that dance floor the 'spark of love'? That's how my father would describe it. He said that's how he felt about mother almost as soon as he'd met her.

Or when I say I fell for Kurtis, did it mean that I really did care in a romantic way? I left because I was too scared to want to find out if he'd even been 'him'-that's got to mean something.

And was what I felt for Alister literally just 'getting caught up in the moment', something that would pass once that moment was gone? I've been getting fewer adrenaline rushes, everything we do romantically leads us to a bed somehow-we've never kissed just for the sake of kissing. Maybe that means this was ever only meant to be short-term.

Oh, who am I kidding? He loves me…he loves me…I'm not going to be able to solve this by adding up the bad points, because to be honest, there are none in either cases. The only downside to the Kurtis situation is that I'm already with Alister-unfortunately, it's an obstacle that I really don't think can be overcome, even if I wanted to overcome it. Do I? Do I really want to surrender these two wonderful weeks with the potential for a very long-lasting relationship for someone I fell for in a matter of days? On the other hand, do I really want to pass up the opportunity to be with the one I _really_ fell for in a matter of days just because of over-optimism? I just don't know! I have never been in such a situation where I just _don't know _what to do!

"Lara?" someone says behind me. Shit-it's Alister. I spin around, and sure enough, there he is, looking mildly frustrated about something. "Is everything all right?" he asks. See, that's another thing about him-he's obviously pissed off about something, yet he still asks me how I'm feeling first! I nod, shrugging. "What's wrong? Anything I can help with?" The one person I wish that could, but also the one person that can't.

"I'll get it sorted, Alister," I smile, coming closer to him and pecking him briefly on the lips. "What's up with you?"

"Me? Nothing," he replies bemusedly.

"You just looked pissed off about something when you came in."

"Oh it's those scrolls," he sighs. "I can't seem to decipher a single word! There are no clues at all! It's really getting to me!" It's about time he had a rant rather than listening to me! I kiss him again, smiling up at him. He returns it and leans down to kiss me, that passion in his eyes once more. I find myself being pushed gently to the wall as we continue. My arms are around his waist and his around mine. I move my arms up to his neck, as he nibbles my lip. Our tongues brush against each other and mine moves to explore his mouth instead.

We break it off, gasping for breath, but smiling up at each other, and within seconds, our lips meet again...

His hand moves to the bottom of my tank top, lifting it up slightly, but I stop him, breaking it off. "How would you mind if we just made out?" I suggest. He looks like he's giving it serious consideration, then bursts into a smile.

"Absolutely," he smiles down at me, leaning in to kiss me. I happily respond and as our tongues brush together yet again, I realise my dilemma again…this isn't going to be easy, no matter what I do, that much is for certain…

* * *

"Alister?" I whisper several hours later. We're lying in his bed, but both completely decent! I've been able to work out a bit better, but now I'm exhausted!

"Yes, Lara?" he whispers back. I roll over to face him. If I ask him this, would it just open a huge can of worms? I've done enough of that today…

"How much do you really love me?" I utter. He looks confused.

"Like you'll always be enough," he replies. "No matter what you say, what you do, you'll always be good enough for me." That is so…tender, so sweet. This should make my decision easier, but it's making it harder! He is the perfect man, every woman's dream-to just be loved, to know they'll always be enough.

Why am I even trying to find flaws in Alister? Even if there were any, I shouldn't even be trying! Am I deliberately trying to sabotage this for some puppy love crush on someone I knew for two days, disappeared for eighteen months, and is now back demanding 'answers?' I'm being delusional, for even thinking for just one second that Kurtis would be worth what I have now! Yes, I fell for him…yes my heart sometimes ached like crazy for him, but I've learnt to move on without him. I survived. The one time I needed a life-raft, Alister was there. He was my life-raft and has been keeping me afloat since. Kurtis is just the puncture, one that I can easily fix, if I wanted to…but also one that opens so many possibilities if I let it continue.

Alister reaches over and kisses me. I close my eyes, already getting caught up. He pulls me closer and starts running his hands all over my body. "Why do you ask?" he whispers after he's broken off. I shrug.

"Just a general wondering," I lie, smiling at him cheekily. He pecks me again and takes me into his arms so his head's on my shoulder and I'm facing away from him. He's got his arms wrapped around my waist, and I feel a small surge of adrenaline. This is real…this is actually real.

How has it only just truly sunk in? I've known for three weeks nearly! How come I'm only suddenly realising it now?! This is a relationship, a _real_ relationship-it's so real we even seem to have overcome the 'hands all over each other' phase! Well, perhaps not quite like that, but you've been in relationships, how soon was it when you were sleeping in the same bed without actually making love? It's like we're now in the 'moving-in together' stage, although I obviously realise we've been roommates for a couple of years, I mean metaphorically.

Are these adrenaline rushes a sign that I really want this to happen…or is it my body telling me to stop? But why should I stop? Just lying here in his arms, I…wouldn't want to move if the house was on fire! It's almost as if I love being devoted by him as much as he loves _being _devoted to me! Does that make me a terrible, selfish person? I really need to start thinking this through-that second kiss told me something. It told me that no matter how hard I try, I'm not just going to be able to forget Kurtis. Even if I throw him out, him being here in the first place will have implanted a permanent shadow…one that could leave me just as confused as I am now, still pondering on the 'what if' routine, which I really don't want! If I'm going to completely eradicate this confusion, these demons, I need to face them head-on…even if it results in something that wouldn't benefit anybody. If I spend too much time with him, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I may well end up sleeping with him, even with Alister, being so cute, devoted, caring, loving…and even if I am beginning to love him back…possibly.

Do I love him back? Or is it as I described before-the love he feels for me is rubbing off on me so that I would start to 'love' him back? I want to fall desperately in love with him, God I really want this to work! I would hate to end up sleeping with Kurtis and to sabotage this! I fucking want this to work, I really do!

I'm gonna deal with you, Trent, one way or another, this demon is being taken down.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

She was restless all night. I think she must have been having another nightmare, poor thing. She actually woke me with all her squirming. I tried to pull her close, to try and calm her down, but she didn't wake up-she just kept moving about. In the end, I just took her hand, and didn't let go, squeezing it occasionally. She eventually stopped moving and moved closer to me. I'm not sure if she was awake or not, or if it was just coincidence, but she slept peacefully after that. At least her nightmare can't have been as violent, if she was even having one.

I didn't say anything about it to her this morning. I thought if she'd forgotten, it would be kinder to just leave it, rather than remind her. Or if she was too embarrassed, well, same reason. And she knows I'm there-anytime she wants to talk…she knows.

I really don't want to go to the hospital tonight. I hate breaking up with girls-but I have to. In this case, I do actually have to. I would have done it sooner if I'd given her a second's thought…but I've been with Lara. It's as I said, it's easy to get distracted when you're with the one you love, isn't it?

I won't tell Lara what I'm going to do. After the last time Marina was mentioned, we had a huge argument and it took a mercenary visit and me shooting someone who was strangling her to fix it! I'll just tell her I'm going out tonight-at least that much will be true. I don't really want to lie to her, but I just really don't want to tell her. If I remind her I'm still supposed to be technically dating someone else, she might take it the wrong way, or ask why I haven't done it sooner and that'll just be another argument!

"You're deep in thought," she remarks. I snap out of my daydream. "I hope you're not thinking about another girl?"

"Now, why would I do that?" I smirk, wrapping my arms around her from behind. "You're the only woman for me, Lara." She giggles and twists her head around and kisses me.

"I should hope so," she smiles. She turns around and I resume rubbing the shampoo through her hair. When I'm done I pick up the shower head and rinse it off her head. She giggles as the cold water trickles down her back, and leans into my chest when I'm finished. "Why have we never had baths together before?"

"We nearly did once," I remind her. "We just…changed our minds, shall I say?" She giggles again and kisses me on the lips. "You really are beautiful, you know."

"And you really are cute," she smiles.

"I love you," I whisper, leaning in to kiss her.

"I know you do," she whispers back, and leans in to kiss me. I take her into my arms, still kissing her. I don't care that she hasn't said it back. It's been two weeks. It took me two years…and I love her. I couldn't honestly say I love her if I didn't have the patience to wait! I know the word 'mug' springs to the mind of many of you, but you're wrong! It's not like we've been together for ages or that she's manipulating me! I love her, and damnit, I don't care if it takes her a year to say it back, I don't care if it takes her ten years! I wasn't lying when I said she'd always be enough, no matter what she says, no matter what she does…I love her and that's all that matters.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Why did I agree to this?" I grumble several hours later.

"Because when you told me you were going to break up with someone, I'm sorry, but I couldn't let you do it alone," Emma replies.

"And what makes you think I'm not capable?"

"Because if you remember, honey, one of your old girlfriends said another guy's name in bed and it took you ten days to dump her," she reminds me.

"Well-"

"And if you also remember, you actually had _Nadia _in floods of tears after your 'little talk', because apparently you'd made some really sick joke-one which I don't care to repeat," she continues.

"But-"

"And what about that girl, Anija, huh? What happened there?"

"Nothing was wrong with that break-up!"

"Dude, you told her you were breaking up with her literally the second before she walked through the gate on the conveniently long vacation to India-not very sensitive."

"It was Pakistan," I say shiftily. She sighs.

"Well, whatever, okay? Honey, you suck at this-you need somebody there to either stop her from advancing her fists on you or trying to commit suicide, or…look, I'm just on hand, okay?" I sigh and turn left to the hospital car park. "Park close to the building," she tells me. "Quicker getaway."

"You know a freakish amount about break-ups," I remark, parking.

"Look, when you're as gorgeous as me and like a lot of one-night stands, you need to know basic survival skills-one of which is learning how to break up with people properly," she informs me. "Now come on, out of the car-you gotta get this over with!"

"Yes, ma'am," I mutter sarcastically. "She's going to hate me."

"Well that's one of the unfortunate side-effects of cheating," she states matter-of-factly.

"I didn't-"

"Whether you love the other person or not, you were dating someone else, so it's still cheating." I curse silently behind her back. "And damnit, if you're gonna act like a freakin' six-year old, at least do it when I can't see your reflection in the doors!"

We go in and she looks around. "So where is this hot chick?"

"Don't do that," I say. She smirks. "You sounded scarily like Zip there." She shrugs.

"Come on, where is she?"

"Intensive care," I reply.

"How did you meet _her?_" Emma says, looking and sounding confused. I raise my eyebrows at her. "Right," she remembers. "Yeah, I forgot. Sorry."

I follow the signs to intensive care, almost smiling as I reminisce about the last time I was here. I was much more frantic then. I find it hard to believe that was only four weeks ago-so much has happened since then!

"Bloody hell, what are you doing here?" a familiar voice drawls. Marina.

"Hello, Marina," I smile, shoving Emma away. She's only on hand, she doesn't need to dictate. Marina smirks as I approach.

"Well you didn't forget what I looked like," she says, pecking me. "You miss me, did you?" I nod. "Aw, aren't you sweet. Um, listen, my shift ends in ten minutes-can you wait?"

"I didn't drive all the way up here to not be able to wait ten minutes."

"Good point. Um, shall I meet you in the cafeteria?" I nod, shrugging. "Great." She turns around and starts to walk away. I turn around and see Emma shooting me disapproving looks. I shrug.

"What?"

"You just agreed to meet her. You should have just come out with it, rather than drawing it out," she says.

"She only had ten minutes of her shift left!"

"Well, whatever, now you're building up false hopes! My God, no wonder you're do bad at this." I ignore her and begin making my way to the cafeteria. "Now where are you going?"

"Cafeteria," I reply.

* * *

She looks really pale when she enters the cafeteria half an hour later. She sees me and nearly flees to the table, looking devastated. "What's happened?" I ask concernedly, taking her hand comfortingly. Even three tables away, I can hear Emma sighing.

"No, no, I'm fine," Marina mutters.

"No you're not, now what's happened?" I press her. She takes a deep breath.

"My mum-she's just…she had a heart attack," she whispers, starting to cry. I gasp and take her into my arms. "They couldn't revive her," she sobs.

"Marina, I'm so sorry-how come you never said anything before?"

"She only came in for an operation. This wasn't supposed to happen! The surgery was supposed to _stop_ her from having a heart attack!" I keep on holding her comfortingly.

"Shh," I soothe. "It's all right, Marina-it'll be all right, okay? It'll be all right." She doesn't say anything as she continues sobbing. I steal a glance at Emma who's looking increasingly confused. 'Tell you later,' I mouth to her and make a signal for her to leave. She looks like she's sighing, but gets up regardless.

I can't say anything to Marina now. She probably would end up suicidal. No, not funny, Alister, you dickhead! No-I'll leave it. She'll get over it soon enough and I'll tell her then. I'll try not to be too attentive, though-that would be giving her false hopes. I'll be…the best friend she could ever have. I am used to that role after all.

I return home with a feeling of immense dissatisfaction in my stomach.

"Honey, you did the right thing," Emma assures me. "You just would've been like sixty miles across the bastard border if you'd broken up with her then."

"I know-but I'm still technically cheating on her, though, aren't it? Which is worse?"

"Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her," Emma points out. "As long as you do it soon-without driving her to serious depression because of what's already bothering her-it'll be fine. Did Lara even know what you were doing today?" I shake my head.

"I didn't think it would be worth bringing up," I mutter.

"Yeah, yeah, cos she could always use the 'it took you this long?' argument. But I mean, if she asks-"

"I won't lie," I finish. She smiles at me.

"Wow-you grow up so quickly," she says in a maternal manner. "But nice job, honey."

"What?"

"Having the courage to be with the one you love-most guys would freak if their feelings were as intense as yours." She smiles again and walks in, without saying anything else, or even looking back. I suppose she has a point…in a way. Then again, what about the number of successful marriages in this country-and the number of divorces…maybe what Emma means is that perhaps most people love the ones they're with, rather than being with the ones they love…

I still feel like I can't get enough of her sometimes. The whole thing's a bit passive-aggressive-I feel like I can never get enough, but when I'm with her, just cuddling her or holding her is enough for me. I know I've repeated that about six times, but it's the truth! I'm not even going to apologise for it, it's how I feel…and how I will always feel.

I walk into the house, having only just noticed how unseasonably chilly it is. I shiver as I step into the house. "Cold out?" I hear Zip mutter.

"Just a bit," I reply.

"Well, I can get you a nice hot chocolate and a nice warm blanket?" he offers. He looks deadly serious.

"Um…I think I'll be fine," I decline. He shrugs and walks off. He is now definitely starting to scare me! I'd never had him pegged as gay…he keeps making suggestive comments about my sister for God's sake!

"What if I threw in a roaring fire?" he says.

"Okay, Zip, we need to talk," I say, feeling myself go flushed. He comes in looking bemused and takes a seat at the armchair I pat. "These suggestive passes, they've got to stop!" I say shrilly. He doesn't say anything. "As fond as I am of you, I'm not…attracted to you."

"It's my hair, isn't it?" he says defiantly, standing up. "You don't like my hair! Or is it my uneven teeth? It's not my fault, my parents couldn't afford my braces when I was a kid!" I shake my head. I cannot believe we are having this conversation!

"No, Zip, it's nothing to do with you!" I say earnestly. "I just…I'm not gay. You should know that, I mean, look at Marina-I'm not gay, Zip, I'm sorry. It wouldn't work."

"I understand," he says in an upset voice.

"Zip-"

"No! No, I'll be fine. See you later, Alister." He walks off in such a sad way, I almost want to call him back. You know, it's odd, but he sounded too genuinely upset for it to be genuine…

"Zip?" I call. He turns around. "Were you just joking about?" He shrugs.

"Sorta," he smirks.

"How 'sorta'?"

"Well, I'm not attracted to _you _specifically," he says mysteriously. Right…either that means he's attracted to Emma, or other men.

"Are you…are you attracted to Emma?" I ask.

"She's cool-sorta girl I'd like for a friend."

"Are you gay?" He nods. My eyes widen. Oh dear Lord… "Does Lara know?" He nods again.

"It doesn't bother her," he remarks. "Does it bother you?"

"No," I squeak. "It's great, I…congratulate you. Yeah." I turn around to try and start walking away.

"Dude, it's okay if it bothers you," he says. "I don't care that you're not okay with it."

"How can you be?" I burst out. "I've-heard you talk about all your dates, I-"

"I never said they were girls," he points out. I nod again. He smirks. "Catch you later, dude." Is he still messing with me?

I walk up the stairs and down the corridor leading to Lara's room. That was all more than I wanted to know. At least he hasn't slept with Emma. Or Lara for that matter.

I continue making my way down the corridor, absent-mindedly heading for her room. It's all I seem to go to these days!

As I approach her door, I hear odd sounds. Sounds like…is she crying? I burst in; "Lara? Are you okay?" I ask concernedly. I look around the main bit of her room, but she's not there. My eyes drift to the bed, and even in the dark, they detect movement.

"Alister!" she gasps, pushing something off her. She sits up suddenly, pulling a comforter around her. My eyes drift to her left and I see another person beside her, as naked as she is. My eyes meet hers, and we stare at each other, both looking horrified, in what feels like an endless oblivion…

* * *

_Don't kill me, don't kill me, don't kill me! And don't hate me...this was-sort of-necessary. Oh my God, you're all gonna flame me, aren't you? Those who don't get extra plushies! With very big chocolates! Lolx p.s. do not kill me!_


	17. Betrayed

_Disclaimer: Eidos have let me down...it's still not mine! Why didn't that scam work?! Will have to come up with something smarter...hehe..._

_oi-vey: Oh dear, cos there's lots of drama! There always will be...and I hope I updated soon enough...but then again, no evil stuff has come through my letter box, so I'm A-okay! Oh and thanks for all that stuff you said about Lara's angst-I loved it! Thanks for reviwing lolx_

_Team-chaser: I'm glad you controlled yourself! That could have been a really ugly review! And yes, Zip is 'as bent as a banana'-I just figured seeing as everyone thinks he is, I may as well make him gay...and how can you not like Kurtis?! That's mean! And about that plushie you're waving at me threateningly-well, you'll have to find me first! But hey, after all that, so glad you thought it was a very good chapter-thanks for reviewing lolx_

_The Third Demi-God: I didn't know the ends amazed you...hehe...I thought the Zip thing was kinda obvious, that's why I did it. And nay, I have not lost my mind...I never had one to lose in the first place. And don't worry, there'll be revivers to well...revive you this time-thanks for reviewing lolx_

_A/N: Not really, I just felt like putting one in to annoy you all! lolx-oh but it seems my security has been breeched and I no longer live in France...thanks for reviewing (again!) and keep 'em coming! LOLX

* * *

_

_Lara's POV_

_I storm into the room, and my anger is only further flared when I see him here! "What are you doing here?" I demand. He turns around._

"_What's got you?" he asks boredly._

"You _have got me!" I snap. "I told you I wanted you out of here by last night, and yet here you are!"_

"_I'm not quite finished here," he smirks. Oh I'll wipe that smirk off your face! Literally! I draw my gun and aim it at him, releasing the safety._

"_You are finished," I warn him. "Whether literally or metaphorically-either suits me-so get out of my house right this second or I'll-"_

"_What, Lara? You gonna shoot me?" I nod, but as my finger starts to pull on the trigger, my hand starts shaking. What the- I look into those deep blue eyes and…I can't do it. My arm falls down to one side._

"_I hate you," I mutter. "Look what you've done to me! I'm too shaky to pull the bloody trigger!" I throw the gun to the floor and flop down onto an armchair._

"_I'm sorry," he says, not sounding sorry at all. I look into his face again, and see amusement there. "Didn't know I had that kind of power."_

"_What, the power to make even someone like _me_ fall for you, you bastard," I mumble._

"_Well, also that," he sighs. "Lara, why do you seem to hate it so much?"_

"_Hate what?"_

"_Your feelings. I'm not freaked or anything, so why do you hate them?" Because I've already got more than I could ever ask for in Alister, that's why._

"_Because they're not appropriate," I truthfully say. He sighs frustratedly._

"_Is this to do with that stupid thing of yours where you don't feel you can get attached in case they get hurt, supposedly because of you?" I stop. Excuse me? "I know a lot more than you think."_

"_If you dare to blatantly read my mind like that again-"_

"_You need help, Lara," he says softly. What does he- "And I don't mean like, psychiatric or anything, but it's just a little thing I noticed. It's like-it's like you were falling, and reaching up for help, but no-one could hear you or see you, and ignored you." He comes closer. "I can help you." He presses his lips to mine again. That is exactly how I described it…_

"_I don't need help," I say forcefully, pushing him away and standing up. "And will you _stop _doing that?" Besides, I've already found the hand pulling me up-Alister. It's funny how he doesn't seem to pick up on that, isn't it?_

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right-it is a little creepy," he agrees. It's scary how…empathetic he's being. No, no, crap word-how understanding he's being._

Don't fall for it, Lara-remember Alister.

_I haven't forgotten him!_

Just checking-you do seem to be falling for his charms.

_I'm not that shallow!_

No-one's accusing you of it_-a new voice cuts in. Damn you, Kurtis!_

"_What did I just say?" I reprimand, though unable to contain a small smirk._

"_You said' I'm not' that shallow," he smirks back. I give him 'the look'. "Hey, come on, you know you love it." I give him another 'look'. "So anyway, I'll probably take off." That shocks me._

"_Really?" I ask, trying to seem nonchalant. He shrugs._

"_I got what I came for. I guess I can't really ask more of you-you have a situation, it's cool." I nod in agreement. He holds out his arms to me, and I happily accept his embrace. I take in his scent as I stand there in his arms. Oh shit-this isn't what I want. I don't want him to leave-I don't want him to go. I feel him plant a kiss on top of my head as he moves away._

It's best, Lara-you're with Alister.

_Yes…I am._

You've been getting on fine without Kurtis for eighteen months.

_Yes…but I thought he was dead. There's a difference. I had to accept if it was impossible._

If what was impossible?

_Us…being…us-getting on each other's nerves, being friends, saving each other's lives._

'Searching' each other…?

_Well, that, too._

You're making it sound like a life-long friendship.

_It's what it felt like in a way._

So what are you saying? You don't want him to leave?

_I don't want him to leave-he just has to. As horrible as it is, if he stays, I _know _it's quite possible something would happen, something neither of us might be able to emotionally control._

You mean you'd cheat?

_Yes. I know it'd be possible. I know that's horrible, I know it's treacherous, I know I'm a bitch for even thinking it…but I fell for him, and I don't want him to leave. I'm being responsible…I'm being responsible._

_He smiles at me. I shake my head, trying to blot out the adrenaline rush. Shit! Despite my obvious yearning for him, I don't move. I know I can't, I know I shouldn't._

"_Um, hey, here's my cell number, y'know, if things get a little rough," he offers, handing me a slip of paper. Is he trying to dissolve me into a wreck? I take it, smiling sadly. He knows…he knows what I'm feeling, I can see it in his…deep…azure eyes…I've never really noticed the intensity of them before…_

Stop, Lara!

_I'm so sorry, Alister…

* * *

_

"Lara? Are you okay?" I hear someone call, but my brain doesn't really register as I look deep into his azure eyes. He leans down to kiss me tenderly. A crack of light gets through my closed eyelids, and I open them and look to the door-

"Alister!" I shriek, shoving Kurtis off me. I sit up hurriedly and pull the comforter around my chest. His eyes widen as they drift over to the muddled figure that is Kurtis next to me, and when his eyes meet mine, I see pure horror and hurt stinging like mad. I look down guiltily, but still feel his eyes bore into me. Shit…

The longest and worst silence imaginable befalls the room. I find the courage to look at Alister again, and his expression is exactly the same. I climb out of the bed. "Alister-"

"Why?" he whispers. What-oh, please don't ask me that question! Shout at me, hit me-just don't ask me that question! I'm wordless-I couldn't say anything to counter this even if I wanted to…what am I-?

"Why, Lara?" he repeats.

"I'm sorry, Alister-"

"That's not an answer." This is it-exactly what I didn't want to fucking happen! I'm not going to try and deny anything-it'll make it worse.

But how can I answer it?! What, am I going to say? 'I fell for Kurtis eighteen months ago, and now he's back, I feel like I didn't get over him, even though you've been so…devoted, caring, loyal, loving…' at least it's the truth. He doesn't say anything else, but keeps looking at me intently, awaiting an answer. I keep opening my mouth, but no words of inspiration come and I close it again. He doesn't push me into an answer, which makes this so much worse.

"It's nothing you've done," I settle for.

"That's still not an answer, Lara." The one time Zip doesn't interrupt us!

"Please don't do this," I beg.

"Do what, Lara? Give you a chance to explain?" I nod. "Make it worse for you, do you mean? How inconsiderate of me," he says coldly. At least we have a reaction.

"Alister-"

"What, do you want me to voice the anger, the devastation? Give you a chance to think up an excuse while I babble incoherently? Is that it?" I don't say anything. "Because, you know, what's interesting is that most women would use the 'give me a chance!' clause, but that's not good enough for you, is it? You don't want someone patient enough to give you a chance, do you?!"

"I didn't-"

"Mean to? Want to? You looked happy enough!"

"I wasn't going to say that!" He grabs me roughly by the arms. "Alister!"

"You know what, you're right. I'm not going to give you a chance! I'm not going to be so 'understanding!'" He pushes me to the floor.

"Hey, hey, that's enough!" Kurtis speaks up for me.

"Oh shut up, you fucking Yank!" Alister snaps. He turns his attention back to me, and I'm reminded of when someone else was standing over me just as menacingly. That's what started this mess! "You-I can't…I just-I can't believe you-you fucking bitch!" He gives me a disgusted look and storms out, slamming the door behind him.

"Are you okay?" Kurtis asks, coming up behind me.

"It's no more than I could have expected," I mutter.

"He overre-"

"No he didn't," I say. He strokes my arm gently.

"Lara?" I look into his face. "Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone?"

"Like hell it would have made a difference!" I sigh.

"Well, yes, actually," he says. "I wouldn't have-I-"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Kurtis, so I don't know why you're trying to justify yourself!"

"I should have asked! But I mean, Jesus, Lara! What were you thinking?"

"Look, I've already got one of you on my case about this, and even though it's not more than to be expected, I really don't want both of you on at me about this!"

"I wouldn't have let it get this far if I'd only known-"

"Well you didn't!" I snap. "But that's beyond the point, isn't it? You're not the guilty one here, Kurtis! _I _am! You're just the guy who came at the wrong fucking time!" I get up and march over to my walk-in wardrobe. I need to sort this out. "Why did you wait this long?!" I demand.

"What-"

"Why couldn't you have come a year ago? Six months ago? Even six _weeks_ ago would have been all right-why at the time when I had-I had…" I shake it off and close the door on him. What the _hell _have I got myself into this time…?

* * *

_Alister's POV_

I march to the library, fuming. Woe-betide-anyone who gets in my bloody way now! I slam the door behind me and in my anger, literally throw everything off my desk. Paper gets scattered everywhere, pens hit the books and window, the glass globe smashes to pieces on the polished wooden floor. I don't even spare the laptop-it lands on the stairs, the screen severely cracked.

I sit down furiously, looking for something else to vent my anger on. Nothing? Well, there's the drawers. I yank the top one out and toss it across the room carelessly.

"Screw it," I mutter, yanking the second one out, and throw it to my right. "I hardly fucking use any of it anyway." I reach for the third one blindly, and my fist grasps a scrap of paper-a few notes on the scroll translations. I exhale a sceptical laugh and rip it up. "Never going to get anywhere anyway." I reach into the drawer again and retrieve another post-it, with dates on it this time. 10th April-2nd May. It's now the 30th April. Emma will be leaving in two days. I sigh and fold it into a paper aeroplane and throw it aimlessly. It lands in some of the broken glass from the globe.

I continue this small ritual, pulling out paper, inspecting them before ripping them up. I feel a lot calmer. There's something to be said about violence producing endorphins…or at least a calming hormone. I reach my hand out again, and it closes on air. Empty. I look into it and spy something. "Hiding, were you?" I mutter. I pull it out and look at it closely. There's a blue printing on it. I turn it around and see a photo-one of me and Lara…I've got my arm around her, laughing, and she's cracking up about something. This was taken two bloody years ago! How sad am I?! I sigh and make to tear it up, but I hesitate. Just looking at the…well, happiness shown in that picture stops me. I place it down on the desk.

I hate her. I bloody hate…but I don't hate her, I love her. I do love her…that's why I hate her so much for this! And I hate myself! For being stupid enough to be naive enough for one second by thinking this would actually _last! _For being corny and soppy enough to admit it! For being bold enough to kiss her that time…for being kind enough to give her those chances when she exploded for no reason…for…for falling in love with her in the first place.

Why?! Why did this have to happen?! Why now?! Why did she have to cheat?! Why did she-why did-WHY?!

"Alister?" she whispers. I turn to face her, and there she is-standing at the door with a stupid shocked expression on her face. "What have you-?"

"What do you think of the new décor? It was a bit boring before, wasn't it? You were always on at me about livening it up a bit. Well, here you are! Lively enough for you?!" I snap at her, sending a pen flying past her ear.

"It's different," she comments quietly. What is-this room or my behaviour? Weren't you expecting such a violent reaction, you stupid bitch? "I'm not sure I like it, though."

"Well, I'm not sure I like you sleeping with Trent behind my back, so I guess you're just going to have to make your peace with it." Her eyes widen slightly at my words, but she doesn't say anything. "This may be the first time I've seen you so rattled-except when you were suicidal, of course." I hear her give a small gasp at this.

"Obviously now's not a good time-"

"For what, be specific. A good time for you to be sleeping with Trent? A small pointer, Lara-don't do it when you're seeing someone else. Especially when that someone could find you." I half expect her to argue back 'you were out!' but apparently she's not that stupid. She continues giving me that sad look, with slight fear visible in her eyes. I do my best to ignore the shine effect on her glistening brown orbs…they are quite sparkly, though.

In that one second, I don't care what she did, that she'd been with another man only minutes before-I just want to take her in my arms, kiss her comfortingly, maybe even go so far as telling her I forgive her, just for the sake of making her feel better. But then I see that guilty, terrified look on her face right before I started questioning her, and that want to protect her instantly fades. That guilty look told me two things-she meant it, and not only that, but she knew she meant it. I'm open-minded enough to at least accept the theory that your body's sensations and longings can override the logical side telling you it's wrong, but it's not the case here. She knew what she was doing…I'm sure of it. She knew.

"Alister-"

"I'm very busy, Lara. Too busy for you, anyhow. Oh, and those scrolls?" I march over to where they landed. They're all out of order. Pity I numbered them. "Have them!" I thrust them into her arms, not caring that half of them landed back on the floor. "You got yourself into the mess with Avalon, you can get yourself out of it!" She doesn't even react. What happened to the invincible Lara Croft? The one who had an answer to everything? The one whose sharp tongue could cut ice off a glacier in the Himalayas? (A/N it's just some stupid sentence I made up-and if you think it's crap, screw you, I like it!) She picks up the remaining parchment pieces and gives me one final look before walking out. "Aren't you going to say anything?" I shout after her.

"What would be the point? You already resent me enough," she replies, turning around. What's that supposed to mean? Does it translate into 'I've got no excuse, so that's the first thing I thought to say?' "You wouldn't want to know."

"That's not fair, Lara!" I shout. "I gave you the chance, you just wasted it! You didn't even have the decency to apologise!"

"So that would have made it better for you, would it? If I'd just said 'I'm sorry' and meant it?"

"No, I-why? After everything we've…did it mean nothing?!"

"No of course not!"

"How could you _do _that to me, Lara?! I bloody-I loved you! I-I-just piss off!" I turn around and storm back to the chair and plonk myself down on it.

"Loved?" she whispers.

"Lara, I would seriously advise you to leave now before I say something that you or I will really regret," I warn her.

"No, we're both here, we're both adults, we need to discuss it"-

"Get out of here, Lara," I say as calmly as I can.

"You can't just expect me to-"

"Lara," I warn through gritted teeth. She still doesn't take the bloody hint!

"How can you-?"

"Don't you dare lecture me on 'how can you?', Lara! After what's just happened, you'll never be able to lecture anyone about that again! Now get the hell out of my library before I really lose control! Talk to Emma-it's not a pretty picture!"

"Match made in heaven," she mutters. It takes nearly all my self control to not just go over there and hit her, push her to the floor, rip those scrolls up and throw them in her face…I really hate her! I hate her!

She seems to be able to read the anger from behind as I hear her walk out of the door. Stupid bitch-I hate her, I hate her, I hate her…but…I also love her so much still. A tear pricks my eye, but I blink it away. I don't hate her, I…love her. I hate this situation. I hate her for cheating…but I still love her. God, I still love her…

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Well that could have gone better. He's furious-it's not that I blame him, but he's given outraged and angry completely new meanings. I don't think there's even a word that justifies his anger right now.

Why did he say 'loved'? Of all the things he could have said…why that?

_What did you expect? A hug, a kiss, an 'I forgive you'?_

Well of course not, but 'loved'? That's past tense.

_Things change when you sleep with someone else._

He said he'd always love me no matter what-I feel…empty.

_What was this, a test?_

No-no! It wasn't-it wasn't anything to do with Alister! It's not his fault! There was always a little bit of me telling me to stop!

_So why didn't you?_

Because…because…when I'm with Kurtis, it feels right.

_And Alister?_

It felt so lovely, so right…it felt so nice being loved like that-it was like it was physically radiating off him. It's like I could feel it.

_What have you done?_

Sabotaged it…for a pleasant feeling. I sabotaged it all for a fucking pleasant feeling!

_You did fall for him-it's much more than that, he made you a bit shaky._

At his caring and tenderness.

_Isn't that what attracts you to Alister?_

I-well, yes, I love that.

_They're more similar than you first thought, aren't they? They're both tender, they both genuinely care…they both make you a bit weak in the knees._

So I wanted it because he reminded me of Alister?

_It's possible. Actually, that sounds about right._

No, no, no he reminds me of Alister, but that's not why. That was just spurring me on, it wasn't why I liked him in the first place.

_What was it that attracted you to him in Prague, anyway?_

I don't know-I think he's one of those characters that you either love or hate-and I had enough enemies on my list, so I wasn't likely to take anymore! And he is…I mean, he can be so sweet…and he does remind me of Alister.

_Is he better? Does he have more characteristics that appeal to you than Alister?_

No, they're both as great as each other…it would be impossible to choose now, if I had a chance.

_You really wouldn't be able to choose? You wouldn't be able to choose between-_

One devoted love or two mutual affections? I already weighed out my options…_why _did I do this?! Why did I let this happen?! I shouldn't have let it happen! I should _never_ have let it happen!

_So you do want Alister?_

Yes! Yes, I-yes.

_You mean if you had the chance to choose right here, right now, you'd pick Alister, no hesitation?_

Yes, no…maybe! I don't-I don't know. They're both so similar but also so different. They're both so sweet in their own ways. They both really seem to care. I don't know what to do…

_If you could go back in time, would you do it again?_

No, I wouldn't-for the simple fact that it has complicated things so much more.

_Well, it doesn't sound like Alister's going to forgive you for a long time-_

No, he will! He has to!

_The point is, if he's out of the picture, you can go with Kurtis without feeling guilty._

Nothing will stop this guilt. Even if I do go with Kurtis, I would always feel guilty for how it ended between me and Alister. And if he does forgive me, there would still always be that smidgeon of guilt there-at least if I stayed with him, I could try to make it up to him.

_So you'd stay with Alister?_

I thought I would-that's why I went looking for Kurtis, to throw him out. And now…

_Now what?_

I just don't know. I want Alister, I really do…but what's just happened has shown me I also want Kurtis.

_The question you need to ask yourself is; who do you want more?_

I can't say…

_All right, here's the question; is Kurtis worth what you and Alister had?_

I-

_That declaration of love? The saving your life twice, despite both situations following an argument? Alister literally killing for you? All those wonderful times you had together…is Kurtis worth it all? Because if he outweighs what you and Alister had, you know who to choose._

And if he doesn't?

_You already know. You need to let one of them go._

I knew that!

_But that's not the problem here, is it?_

No…it's not.

_You need to choose, Lara-Alister or Kurtis?_

I…I want…I want…I…I want Alister. Of course it's Alister! I want Alister! I-I love him…

_Then I hope he forgives you for this…_

Yes. Please, Alister, please, please, please…forgive me.

* * *

I head back to the library determinedly, mentally planning what I'm going to say to him. I just need to tell him the truth. I'll admit that yes, I did sleep with Kurtis (like he doesn't already know!) and yes, I fell for him, but that was a long time ago, way before Alister even returned!

_Hope he doesn't use the 'if it was so long ago, why did you do it?' clause._

If he does, I'll acknowledge it…I'll do what it takes. I'm not losing him over this!

_Go get him, Lara._

I stop. That wasn't-that wasn't the 'voice'. I slowly turn around to find Kurtis standing behind me.

"What are you doing?" I breathe.

"Sorry-I know I shouldn't have listened-"

"No you bloody shouldn't!" I snap. "And you shouldn't even be talking to me! You know I've made up my mind, Kurtis. You know I've chosen Alister?"

"Yeah," he nods. "And I think you should go with it. He's a great guy. He loves you."

"I don't understand, why are you being so nice?" I query suspiciously.

"He can give you more than I can, Lara," he smiles. "So go get him already!" I make to move, but hesitate. "What are you waiting for?"

"To know why you're being so understanding. Shouldn't you be really pissed at me? I'm blowing you off, I'm rejecting you."

"I'm not that shallow, you know, Lara. We can still be friends, right?"

"I'm not sure that's going to be entirely possible, Kurtis. His feelings of betrayal might not ever go away…but you can, you have to. After I leave you now, I don't want to see you again. I can't see you again."

"Lara-"

"We said we'd try the 'friends' thing before, look what happened. I don't even know if he could forgive me now, how can I expect him to accept you as my new best friend? I love him, Kurtis…and if getting rid of you is what it takes, then so be it-God knows, he's made enough sacrifices for me!"

"Okay," he agrees. "I can respect that."

"Why are you being so nice?" I repeat.

"What, do you want me to shout at you, force you to choose me, aim a gun at your head? Is that what you seriously expected?"

"Well, yes," I admit. He sighs patiently and steps closer and takes me in his arms.

"When I told you I liked you, I meant it," he whispers, causing a small shiver to go down my spine. "And don't take this the wrong way, but I've gotten on without you for eighteen months, and my whole life before that." I nod.

"I understand what you mean," I smile. "Thank you, Kurtis, for being so great about this." He nods.

"Go get him, Lara," he repeats. I nod, taking a deep breath. I turn around and head back towards the library, knowing that this could well be the last time I ever see him…

It has to be done. Alister's made sacrifices-more than I could ask for-I can do this for him. I know I can. He's worth it…he is worth it…and I do…love…him…

* * *

I go up to the library door, feeling strangely nervous. God knows what state the library's in now. He really lost his temper before…I hope he's calmed down, even if just enough to hear me out.

I slowly open the door, and find him sitting at the desk, not having apparently moved since I last left. "Alister?" He looks up and sighs.

"What is it, Lara?" he says impatiently.

"I need to talk to you."

"Yes, it's odd, I needed to talk to you earlier, and I found you in bed with Trent-talking is obviously not on our side today!"

"It's about that," I tell him. He gives me a disgusted look.

"Lara, I found you cheating on me with some bastard you knew eighteen months ago-do you really think I want you to _elaborate?_"

"Yes," I say determinedly. "You'll want to hear this, believe me."

"Amaze me, Croft." I take a deep breath.

"Yes, Alister, I slept with him, and yes, I fell for him in Prague, but it was eighteen months ago I first fell for him, long before you even came back."

"But you still slept with him. It doesn't concern me what you felt for him back then, or frankly, what you feel for him now. You didn't have the responsibility to at least finish with me before sleeping with him!"

"Because I didn't want to!" I snap. "I didn't want to finish with you then, and I don't want to finish with you now!"

* * *

_Alister's POV_

What a fucking nerve that girl's got! "Do you seriously expect me to believe you?! There was obviously something wrong!"

"I expect you to listen because you love me!" she retorts. I sigh disbelievingly, and am about to tell her to politely 'fuck off' when; "And I-I…I think I love you too." What did she just say? In that split-second, at the words 'I love you too' everything freezes, and everything is blocked out. My breathing goes completely haywire, my heart is pumping three times as fast and loud as it should, and the adrenaline has gone into overload. I've fantasised about hearing her say those words to me so often, it's-I couldn't even begin to count it, because it must be well into its millions by now! I never expected my reaction to be quite like this…then again I never expected her to say it back at all, let alone after…

She's looking at me, almost expectantly, her brown eyes gazing into mine, as if trying to read my thoughts. To be honest, I don't know what to do now! I never allowed my fantasies to proceed further than the words 'I love you too'. I'm not one to rely on fantasy-not just because it would hurt like hell because I knew it would never happen, but because I'm just like that anyway. What would you do? There don't seem to be any actions than can come anywhere close to rivaling those wonderful words.

"What did you just say?" I whisper.

"I think I love you too," she repeats.

"Lara…" she's looking at me expectantly again. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Well I did," she says. "I've told him to get the hell out of here. I want to be with you…you mean more to me than he could ever-"

"Was that your philosophy when you screwed him?" I say. She looks confused. Does she honestly think I'll fall for that?! And even if it is true, it doesn't change the fact that she betrayed me!

"I'm sorry," she says. I sigh disbelievingly.

"I'm afraid that's not going to do it for me, Lara." I walk past her.

"No, Alister, don't walk away from this!" she begs, grabbing my arm. I spin around, causing her to lose her grip. "Aren't you hearing what I'm saying? I want _you. _I love you! I love you, Alister!" I don't say anything. "Are you…do you still love me?"

"I don't know, Lara," I whisper. "I thought-I never thought I'd be put in such a situation where I'd be questioning it…you really are a pro at that, aren't you?" She's shaking her head.

"No, Alister," she pleads. "You said I'd always be enough…that you'd always love me."

"I was working with that philosophy before we got together, Lara. I'd never envisaged us getting together when I realised it-and when we were together, I never thought you'd cheat. I'd never counted on it. I thought _I _was enough!"

"You were-you are!" she says earnestly. "I want _you, _Alister! You've made so many sacrifices for me-"

"And what have _you _done?! All through this relationship, we've been on _your _time-table, been doing whatever _you _wanted! It didn't bother me before, but I've had a while to look back…it's all been about _you!_"

"You never suggested anything!" she retorts. "If you'd have wanted to do something, all you had to do was say!"

"I didn't need to," I whisper. "You were enough."

"So what's changed?"

"You ignorant bitch," I mutter. "What's changed? _You've _changed, you cheated! After…after those three weeks we've had, you cheated!"

"I love you!" she sobs. "Isn't that enough? I am so sorry! Kurtis is getting the hell out of here, I want to move on! With you-I want to move on with you. Please, Alister, he'll be gone, forgotten." She comes closer and takes my hand. "We can start again if you want, or we can pick up where we left off. What do you think?"

I think…that sounds so tempting. I think of her, and it's all I can do to stop myself from pulling her into my arms, kissing her, telling her that I do love her…but then I look at her and I just see the infidelity. It's like she's changed physically…into someone I can't bear to look at right now. It's only through shock, I think, that's kept me from trying to hurt her. I hate her for what she's done-to me, to us. We were fine! I was happy that I'd told her, happy that I loved her-there had been times beforehand where I'd hated my feelings-and now…I hate her. For what she's made me want to do. I hate myself for feeling like this, but I hate her…for the infidelity, for making me feel like I want to physically hurt her. I look at her and…all I see is her and Trent, and that really makes me want to pummel something, namely her or Trent. Mostly her.

I wish I'd never told her. I wish I'd never found her on that night…none of this would have happened if I hadn't. She would have gone with Trent, but she wouldn't have been cheating. And I wouldn't be hating her right here, right now, trying hard to keep my fists under control, trying to keep from forcing her to the floor, screaming at her for what's she done, for how's she made me feel, and…attacking her. I don't want to attack her-of course I don't-but what she's done makes me hate her so much for the rage I feel, I feel like I do want to.

"I think," I begin, carefully selecting my words. "That I never should have found you on that Thursday." I never should have told you is on the tip of my tongue, but I think those words have enough power on their own. I hear her gasp. Why's she so surprised-if I'd never told her, this would never have happened. While I was cradling her weak form in my arms, that's when I confessed…when she could have been dead or dying for all I knew…

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"I think," he begins quietly. "That I never should have found you on that Thursday." I gasp, as pain like I've never felt before sears across my chest. I'm gasping for air as a huge lump forms in my throat. He…he wishes he'd never found me? He wishes…he'd left me to bleed it out…?

I conceal a sob as I back away quietly, before spinning around and getting out of there as fast as I can. I expect tears to come flowing down, but nothing does. I still feel that burning in my throat, that strained feeling in my chest, but I don't cry. The tears don't come.

I start moving down the corridor;

"_Did you mean it?" I ask again._

"_Yes," he whispers. I gasp and my eyes widen and I spin around. Oh my God, he just admitted it, he actually admitted it!_

_I feel a hand on my shoulder. I didn't even know he was behind me! I turn around to face him, and see genuine care on his face. "I've meant it for four years," he admits, stroking my cheek. Four years?! He's meant it for four years and he's never-_

_He leans down and touches his lips to mine gently…_

_I want to scream for help, I want to fight him off…but I can't. I'm so very weak, I need oxygen. I choke and gasp again, fighting for breath, but the pressure is relentless. My head begins to droop through weakness and still he doesn't let go…_

_BANG!_

_I look to my right, not really sure what to expect…another mercenary with bad aim intending to shoot me?...when I see…Alister at the end of the corridor, holding up a gun, pointed right where the mercenary stood…_

_Alister reaches over and kisses me. I close my eyes, already getting caught up. He pulls me closer and starts running his hands all over my body._

"_How much do you really love me?" I utter. He looks confused._

"_Like you'll always be enough," he replies. "No matter what you say, what you do, you'll always be good enough for me..."_

But I wasn't, was I? It wasn't true-he didn't mean it, he didn't mean it…I love him, but he doesn't love me-any-more! I let out a loud sob then another, until I'm collapsed against the wall in tears…

* * *

_Alister's POV_

_I take her into my arms, and begin stroking her. I plant a kiss on her cheek._

"_I don't know why I did it," she whispers._

"_Lara, you don't have to-"_

"_No, Alister, I want to," she interrupts. "Please. Will you listen?"_

"_Of course," I nod, holding her tight…_

"_It doesn't look like nothing," I whisper, kissing her ear. I kiss it a few more times when she turns around and kisses me on the lips. I pull her into my arms. "Are you all right, Lara?" I feel her nod in my chest. I kiss the top of her head and rub her back. She feels tight and tensed. She pulls out of my embrace and smiles up at me. "Sit on the desk," I tell her. She looks a bit bemused but does so anyway. I go around the desk and climb onto it, kneeling behind her. I place my hands on her shoulders and begin kneading them gently…_

_She giggles again and kisses me on the lips. "You really are beautiful, you know."_

"_And you really are cute," she smiles._

"_I love you," I whisper, leaning in to kiss her._

"_I know you do," she whispers back, and leans in to kiss me. I take her into my arms, still kissing her…_

It really didn't matter that she hadn't said it back. And now she has…and I can't forgive her. I want to-so hard-but I just can't…I go back to my desk. Shit…I know how she must have interpreted what I said…she probably thought I meant that I wished I'd left her to die! I did try calling after her, but she was already gone…I don't what I would have said if she'd heard anyway…

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I'm still sniffling, even about half an hour later-or that's what it feels like. In reality, it's probably been less than ten minutes. There aren't any tears left…I'm just sitting here, red-eyed, sniffing occasionally.

"Lara?" a very surprised American voice gasps. I look up into Zip's concerned face, and look away again, staring intently at the floor. I feel him come closer and take a seat next to me. Please go away… "What happened, honey?" Stop it, Zip. It's hard enough to keep in control… I feel him place an arm around me. "Lara?" he whispers.

I let out a small sob as all those tears come flooding back. I turn towards him and lean into his chest as I start crying again. Why does kindness do that to you-open up the floodgates again? He doesn't say anything as I continue crying silently as I can, and strokes my back occasionally.

"Lara?" he whispers again. "What happened?"

"I've made-such a huge-mess-of-everything, Zip!" I sob. "He doesn't-want me- anymore…but I-love-him! I love him!" He pulls me closer.

"Who? Kurtis?" I shake my head.

"Alister," I whisper.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

I feel a few tears prick my eyes, but I blink them away furiously. Why am I even crying? What's there to cry about. Just because I ended it with that adulterous bitch…it's nothing to cry about. She cheated…not me.

I want to forgive her. I want to be able to look at her with that passion and devotion again. I want to be able to tell her everything will be all right…but I can't. I can't forgive her, I can't look at her with that passion or devotion again, I can't tell her everything will be all right. I just…can't forgive her for it.

I could have been a bit rash, dumping her like that-it's only been an hour. But she cheated…after everything I've done for her, after having told her I loved her numerous times, she still cheated! I don't think I'll be able to get over that for a long time. If I hadn't broken it off, I could have ended up truly hating her for it! And myself, for being shallow enough to not break it off. It could have been much worse if I'd taken her back.

Though right now, I don't see how. I feel terrible about it-about everything. I place a hand in front of my mouth, to try and contain the sob I feel coming up. It doesn't help. Before long, I've got my head in my hands and am openly crying about it…about the infidelity, about the break-up…about everything. I feel terrible for hating her for it, for wanting to physically hurt her; I feel terrible that I can't forgive her; I feel terrible that I'll…never get to run my hands through her soft hair again; never get to feel the caress of her soft lips again; never get to look down at her with such passion again; never…be able to grab her and kiss her whenever I want again; never be able to make love to her again…I'll never get to hold her so tight and so close again…

I'll never get to love her again.

* * *

That was not easy to write...now, as soon as you can see clearly enough, please review! (or if you're a heartless moo like me, review straight away!) And don't flame me! Remember the good times I gave them! lolx-okay, I'm done here-review!


	18. Aftermath

_Disclaimer: Eidos are so unreasonable! I suppose I'll have to stick to being the random author who loves receiving reviews..._

_Team-chaser: Yay! I loved your review...n yes, I like Kurtis in that chapter as well lol-thanks for reviewing...and you were a freaking godsend when I got slightly ruffled...lolx_

_oi-vey: Oh dear, I think someone needs to control their rage...you know, I had no idea where I was taking this for a while either, but I've basically got it sorted for a while...thanks for reviewing lolx_

_Timeless4Life: I didn't know you had an 'old romantic side'...hehe...and please stay calm, if you kill me, how can I make 'everything better again?'...you think about that-thanks for reviewing lolx_

_The Third Demi-God: (points) Put-the-weapon-down! I realise you may dislike Kurtis, but how can he be all nice if he's been brutally beaten? You never know, he might be just what Lara needs...maybe-thanks for reviewing lolx_

_The Inkweaver: Not sure if you'd have read this far yet, but anyway thank you so much for those comments! They were so...umm...what's a good word...? but yeah, you get my drift! And finally, someone else who's into Torchwood! I'm not the only one...thanks for reviewing lolx_

_A/N Yes, I do realise it's been a rather long wait, and personally, I don't think this chapter's 'stunning' or up to my usual standards, but the upcoming chapters have so much more potential, so bear with me because they will be up relatively soon-ish. Lolx!

* * *

_

_Emma's POV_

"Hey," someone says.

"Hey, Zip," I smile.

"Uh, you haven't seen Alister, have you?" he asks.

"Yeah, I just-I just saw him." I decide not to tell him about Alister's situation. I'm his sister. I gotta give him all the privacy I can when I can, right?

"How is he?"

"That's kinda a weird question," I remark.

"Him and Lara broke up-she's sorta a wreck and I just thought-why are you looking at me like that?"

"They broke up?" I whisper.

"Yeah," he nods. "You did know, right?"

"Yeah, I-how did you know?"

"She told me."

"Did she say why?" He nods. "Well, what was it?"

"She cheated on him," he whispers.

"Excuse me?!"

"She cheated-"

"I heard what you said-why would she do that?" He shrugs. "Who with?"

"Kurtis Trent." I gasp. Man-I knew he was a one night stander like me, but I did _not_ have him down as someone who'd-well, be the one someone would cheat with! Did he even know? "But forget that-how was Alister?"

"Well, he was understandably a wreck!" He nods.

"Lara's not doing great, either," he says. "I've never seen her this bad. Not even when..."

"When what?"

"It doesn't matter." I nod-he's just doing what I did, giving her all the privacy he can.We stand in an awkward silence. It sucks to be caught in the middle of something like this.

"I just don't get it," I say, breaking it. "He loved her, she knew that! Why would she…?" I let my question trail off. I guess it wasn't really gonna work, was it? He loved her, but she hadn't loved him. Okay, so it had only been a few weeks, but still.

"He loved her? I thought it was just a crush?"

"Oh no, he's loved her for years. Four, maybe," I remember. He gives a low whistle.

"Shit," he mutters.

"But, she didn't love him back. I mean, obviously it had only been a couple of weeks, but-"

"What? No, she loved him."

"Zip-"

"She loves him. She told me. Right before she broke down in tears, she told me that she loves him, but that he didn't want her anymore." I widen my eyes. Well that's new. What, did she just realise it or something? Oh my God, all he ever wanted…hell, not even that. She was good enough for him, I could see he meant it when he told me…and she feels it back.

'Well then they're gonna get back together, right?' I think hopefully. 'They love each other. I mean, they must do if they're getting _this_ upset about it.' You should have seen Alister-he was-I can't even describe it.

But even as I'm thinking it, I know it's not gonna be as simple as that-it never is, is it? I turn to Zip; "How was she?"

"I really don't wanna say," he mutters shiftily. "She was bad is all I'm giving you."

"Yeah, probably like Alister. If they mean this much to each other, they're gonna get back together, right? He loves her, she obviously loves him…they can't throw all that away over one stupid mistake!"

"Hey, Emma, why's it bothering you so much?"

"Cos he loved her! He hasn't been able to stop thinking about her! Four years, Zip! He can't throw all that away for one stupid session with Trent!"

"What are you last-naming me for?" I hear a voice ask. I sigh and turn around to see Kurtis.

"Did you know?"

"Know…?"

"About Alister and Lara," Zip clarifies for me.

"Oh! No, I swear I didn't! Not before…you know."

"Before everything was wrecked?" Zip says menacingly.

"Honey, calm down," I tell him.

"I will _not _calm down! Have you _seen _the state Lara's in?"

"No-didn't he take her back?"

"He did _not_ take her back! Why do you think that was?!"

"Hey, this is not his fault!" I say, defending him.

"What, so it's Lara's?" he asks accusingly.

"Well, kinda," I point out. "She's the one who cheated." He looks shocked at my little proclamation. "And, what do you mean, did he take her back?" I repeat, turning my attention to Kurtis. "How'd you know she'd pick him?"

"I told her to," he admits. "He's a great guy, she loves him, he loves her…what more can I say?"

"That maybe you told her to choose him so you'd look the 'better man' and so you wouldn't have to deal with a relationship?" Zip suggests. I look at him in surprise. Usually it's me who sees the worst in people! I'd marked Zip down as a more positive guy! I look at Kurtis again anyway. Maybe Zip's right about this one?

"I didn't," he tells us. "You don't have to believe me. But, just for the record, I'm sorry."

"What for, you're not the guilty one here," I point out. He shrugs.

"Why do you keep making Lara out to be the guilty one?" Zip accuses.

"Because she sorta is. She cheated on him, despite Alister loving her, and her apparently loving him!"

"She does love him! I could see it in her eyes!"

"Then why did she do this, Zip? Why did she destroy my brother if she 'loves' him?"

"Well if he loved her so much, why couldn't he just take her back?" Zip argues back.

"I guess he believed she'd never let him down."

"Those are the thoughts of a ridiculously naïve person!"

"My point is, he loved her and trusted her enough to really believe it, and when she did it, he was kinda thrown outta whack!"

"This is not her damn fault! Do you have any idea what kinda crap she's been through?"

"No, but I do know Alister's been there for her and this is how she repays him!"

"There were_ two_ people in that bed!" We both look at Kurtis. He gives us a nervous smile and an awkward wave. "We don't even know she initiated it!"

"The point here, Zip, is that she cheated, whether she initiated it or not! She still slept with Kurtis while she was dating Alister! That spells infidelity to me!"

"If he'd just left when she'd asked him to, this wouldn't have happened!"

"Then she obviously knew what would most likely happen, so she was just giving herself a safety net by getting rid of him!"

"At least she was taking responsibility there! She wasn't trying to deny her feelings, but she also tried to do something-if not get rid of them-but to get rid of the cause!"

"If she loved Alister, then she shouldn't have had those feelings in the first place! She broke my brother's heart!"

"And now he's broken my best friend's heart!"

"It was her own doing! She started this, and he had the sense to end it!" My God, he's being infuriating! Why can't he just acknowledge that his precious Lara's in the wrong here, and that Alister was totally justified in dumping her? Stupid bitch…

In our arguing, we didn't notice that Kurtis has left. Damnit!

Oh what does it matter? I honestly believe he didn't know that she was dating someone. I don't think he's the one to blame here. She cheated-with him-but he didn't know. Sure, he coulda asked, but she should have told him! I don't care what Zip says, okay, she is the guilty one here. None of this is Alister's fault! He just reacted to her infidelity!

I probably shouldn't go check on him…but the poor guy's devastated. I mean, seriously, you should have seen him. It sorta broke _my_ heart to see him like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Lara doesn't deserve sympathy if she's upset, but this _is_ her doing…she brought this on herself.

* * *

_Kurtis's POV_

I know, I know, I probably shouldn't be here still, but I can't just leave now! I'll probably just make things worse, but I have to know she's gonna be okay before I go anywhere. I know she doesn't blame me, but-I sorta blame myself. I should have asked if she was seeing anyone, right? This is partly my fault.

I open her door a crack and poke my head around it. She's in bed, but not asleep, cos even from here I can hear her sniffling quietly. I come into her room, trying not to make any sounds. It's ironic how when you try so hard to be quiet, you seem to make the most noise! The floorboards are creaking, I bang my toe on something so I start cursing. Man, that hurt! She doesn't notice, though.

As I approach her bed, she looks up. "K-Kurtis?" she hiccups.

"It's me," I smile. She doesn't say anything, but she just looks away and back at the wall. "I know you told me to leave, but-"

"It's too late now, isn't it?" she whispers weakly. I hear her sniff again. I come closer and climb onto the bed. She doesn't argue as I pull her into my arms.

"I'm sorry, Lara."

"W-why, what did you do?" she mumbles.

"You…love him, right?" She nods and starts to cry again. She starts shaking as her tears stain the pillow. I pull her closer, rubbing her back.

"I-I d-don't blame-you," she tells me thickly.

"Shh…no-one here is to blame," I whisper. "It's just cruel fate."

"I don't want it-to-be-over."

"I know you don't." We lie there in silence, me holding her tight, her sniffling. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't think that Alister wouldn't take her back. I didn't know they were seeing each other, I really didn't. In a way, I don't blame him for being so pissed. If you ask me, Lara didn't leave it long enough to try and resolve the matter. Had she left it a short while, he would have started missing her, and probably would have taken her back. She thought it was better to deal with it now. I guess that does seem like the more logical solution-hell, that's why I encouraged her to do it!

And no, I wasn't trying to be the 'big guy', I really thought he'd forgive her. Or not forgive, but at least not shoot her down like he did! That was just cruel. Of course, if Lara hadn't slept with me, he wouldn't have done, would he? Talk about bad timing on my part. I'm not sure whether I should have come before, or not at all. She did seem happy with him, I noticed how relaxed she was with him. Even then I didn't figure. To tell you the truth, I thought he was gay. He just has a-a quality. I dunno-I've been watching way too many 'Friends' repeats!

I asked Sweetcheeks once if she thought I was gay when she first me. Her exact words were; "no…I do now, though." I couldn't figure out if she was kidding or not (she was) and got all paranoid. Half the girls I met in Bolivia and Paris and wherever the hell else I've been have thought I was gay! But, after a nice glass or two champagne, expensive dinner and a _very_ satisfying night, they soon thought otherwise!

"Kurtis?" she whispers, snapping me back.

"Yes, Lara?"

"W-when I-I said I-wanted-you-gone, I-I didn't mean it," she stammers tearfully. "Well, I did, but-but it doesn't matter anymore. Don't go."

"If you don't want me to, I won't," I reassure her. "And hey, at least I'm following your orders this time!" She gives a small laugh and starts hugging me back.

"Thank you," she whispers.

"What for?" I ask.

"For being so-understanding," she finally chokes.

* * *

"Hello?" a tired sounding voice answers. 

"Hey, Sweetcheeks," I greet. I couldn't resist calling her!

"Oh man…I was so close to falling asleep again," she mutters.

"Really? You having a little nightmare, there, honey?"

"Yes-it involved you calling me at four thirty in the damn morning!" The smirk leaves my face.

"What?" I ask slowly.

"I'm back in the States-didn't I tell you?" I shake my head, then realising she can't see me, mutter 'no'. "Sorry, honey."

"Why did you leave? Was it the weather?" She snorts.

"Trust me, it's been kinda grim here, too. I'm seriously considering going to Greenland for the sunshine!" I laugh. "So, did you get her?"

"Who, Lara?"

"Yeah."

"Yep-I'm at her mansion right now," I say smugly.

"Really? You mean you managed to penetrate her outer defences and you're still alive?"

"Sure did."

"And did you swerve into a ditch?"

"No…not quite." She giggles. "It took my extra-special talent as a driver to prevent it!"

"And a little telekinesis, maybe?"

"Well-it helps," I mutter off-handedly. She giggles. "Hey, there was already a bike in there!"

"Really?" she says, trying to sound bored, but I can tell she's intrigued.

"Yeah! I mean, like, who could leave such a beautiful bike like that in a ditch?!"

"I know, I know, it's criminal," she agrees-not sarcastically. She tries to hide it, but I know she loves bikes.

"So anyway, how you been?"

"Manically depressed, what about you?"

"Oh, you know, just got released from Psych again. How come I didn't see you there?"

"Undiagnosed as of yet. Did you get your 'personal reasons' sorted?"

"Huh?"

"With Lara," she clarifies.

"Oh! Yeah, I think I did."

"That's cool."

"Did you, my dear Sweetcheeks?"

"Not really. Oh, who am I kidding? Not at all," she sighs.

"I could pass on a message?"

"I'm not sure that's the best idea," she declines. "But thanks."

"You sure-I can be very persuasive," I continue.

"Yeah, sure you can. But I think I'm gonna leave this case closed." I shrug. Whatever, it's her choice.

"What was it, anyway?"

"I respected _your_ privacy, Kurtis."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry."

"And could you do me a huge favour?"

"Sure-name your price."

"Could you let me go sleep now?"

"Oh! Yeah! Right! Sorry! I'll call you later, okay?"

"Thanks, Kurtis," she says. "Catch you later." She hangs up. I'm extremely popular right now. Neither of them have threatened to kill me…that recently anyhow. That gun springs to mind…but hey, I'm so special, she couldn't even pull the damn trigger!

"Hello, Kurtis," she says behind me.

"Hey, Lara," I smile, turning around. "You feeling a little better?"

"Loads," she nods. "Thanks…again." I nod, smiling in a 'that's okay' way. "Who were you just talking to?"

"Oh, just a friend. I knew her before I came here." She nods. "She's a little like you, actually."

"Really? How?"

"I dunno, you both just…remind me of the other," I shrug. She nods again. "So, any plans for today?"

"Oh, you know-trying to stop Alister from resigning," she sighs. That's surprising. "Even after everything that's happened, he's still an invaluable part of the team," she tells me. "I'm not going to be able to do those scrolls without him." She turns to leave.

"Wait!" I call back. I can't let her do this now-he's still too pissed. I made a mistake telling her to 'go for it' yesterday. If Alister's still pissed, no way will he accept her non-acceptance of a resignation-where did all those big words come from? I've been here too long…damn you, Lara and all your 'proper English' speaking people who live here! "Don't do it now," I say.

"Kurtis, if I leave it, he may well have resigned by then-"

"Or maybe not even thought of it at all," I point out. "You'd just be putting ideas into his head. I'd leave it-unless he brings it up himself." She nods, getting what I mean, then looks unsure.

"But last time I followed your advice, it didn't end greatly," she remembers.

"Yeah-I've been thinking about that, and I think that was a little soon too. I'm sorry about that-"

"I told you it's not your fault," she interrupts.

"Well, no matter, I still don't think this is the right time," I say earnestly. "He's still upset now, and-don't take this the wrong way-but the last thing he wants is to be confronted by you." She looks taken aback.

"Since when were you so empathetic?" she smiles.

"Just another one of my great, rare gifts, Lara," I smirk. She smirks back and pecks me on the lips.

"You're probably right," she admits. "I'll leave it. But if he brings it up-"

"That would be the time to test your powers of persuasion," I finish for her. She smiles, and then looks kinda shocked.

"Since when do _I _take people's advice?" she mutters. "Since when do I not pummel them for telling me otherwise?" She looks at me accusingly. "You've been a bad influence on me!"

"Woah, woah, don't blame the understanding guy!" I say, raising my hands in defence. "I blame…your old boyfriend!"

"Alister?" I nod. She smiles weakly. Oh crap.

"I'm sorry, that was stupid-"

"No, I'm sorry for getting so het up about-what are you _doing _to me?! I don't apologise, I don't-what have you _done?!_"

"Lara, it's cool that you're like this," I assure her. "Maybe if you were a little friendlier, everyone would stop trying to kill you." She puts her hands on her hips.

"If I'd been 'a little friendlier' you most likely wouldn't be standing here saying this to me now." What-

"Cos you'd just be so damn friendly I wouldn't need to tell you?" I guess, frowning in confusion. She sighs, but not nastily.

"I meant, neither of us would be here, as neither of us would probably be alive. I've had to deal with quite a few 'bad guys' in my time, each with their own 'foolproof' plan for world domination." I nod, getting her. She sighs again. "God knows where this world would be without someone to sort it out…we'd probably be half Atlantian-half Nephilim with a yearning for mythical daggers and the ability to shape-shift into big spiders!" I snort. "I'm being serious. You know, it's a good thing Eckhardt and Natla never met…dear God, it'd be hell on Earth-literally."

"Natla?" I have to ask.

"Rather like Eckhardt-very similar to him, in fact. Reincarnated-not even that, brought back to life from an evil curse put on her hundreds of years ago-and with an incomprehensible desire to revive an ancient demonic race. It really does get boring." I laugh in a 'tough love' sorta way. "But that's life, isn't it? Except in my case, it's trying to preserve it that's the problem."

* * *

_Alister's POV_

"Hey, Alister!" Emma greets over-compensatingly. I smile at her in return, though sighing inside. I really wish she'd stop doing that. Just because she saw me at one of my more vulnerable points yesterday doesn't mean she needs to start mothering me!

"Morning," I grunt in reply.

"Hey, dude," Zip says casually.

"Morning."

"Breakfast? I got pancakes."

"No, I think I'll just have some cereal," I reply, heading for the cupboard.

"Don't you worry, I can get that," Emma smiles.

"I can get my own cereal," I tell her, but she 'insists'. I retreat and sink onto a stool, sighing.

"What type?"

"Cornflakes. Semi-skimmed milk," I tell her.

"You want a coffee, dude?" Zip offers. I nod, mouthing 'thanks'.

"I'll have-"

"Black with one sugar," he finishes for me. They really are both over-compensating today. To be honest, I'm surprised Zip's not with Lara…then again, she's got _Kurtis _to comfort her now! Who I notice _still _hasn't left despite Lara's promise to me. I guess you can't _trust_ her with anything!

I clench my fist at the thought, but manage to hide it under the table. Or even if Zip and Emma did see, they don't say anything. Good. I'm not in the mood. "So, any big plans for today?" Zip asks. I'm about to respond when I realise he's looking at Emma.

"Oh my God, it's my last day!" she exclaims. "Man, I completely forgot! Well, I guess it's gonna be packing! You will not believe the number of stuff I bought in Birmingham!"

"Really? I thought you'd go crazy in London?"

"_Didn't _let myself! Seriously, if I'd let myself loose, I would have bankrupted myself! Not a smart move, especially when I'm already like, a month behind on rent!"

"I thought you had your own place?"

"No, I rent an apartment." He nods, sticking out his lower lip. "But no, I don't have much planned."

"Well, that's just wrong, especially on your last day," he remarks.

"You got anything planned?" she says in a mock accusing tone.

"Well, not so much-hey, I'll take you to dinner later!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Give you a traditional English send-off, what do you think?"

"I think that'd be great. Thanks, honey." They go into a brief hug and smile at each other. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were crushing like mad on each other! She exits, shooting me another smile as she passes. I smile back weakly, digging into my cereal.

"You got something against corn now, Alister?" Zip says.

"Yep," I nod, my mouth full. He smirks, but then his expression changes. "What?" His gaze is directed to something behind me. My head swivels around, and I spy Lara with Kurtis.

"Hey, Lara. I got pancakes!" Zip exclaims.

"Good for you," she smiles.

"Hey, man, you got chocolate pancakes?" another American voice asks. I hear Lara sigh slightly, but I can tell she's smiling without even needing to look at her.

'No, no, stop thinking about her like that. She's a stupid, adulterous bitch who's not worth my time!' I think to myself furiously. 'She's not worth my time.' I repeat this to myself over and over until I'm blue in the face.

I get up suddenly, and start to walk away. "Alister-" Lara begins. Or more tries to.

I shove her arm out of the way and ignore her.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I can understand why he'd be so hostile towards me…I can understand it. To be honest, I'm not sure what reaction I expected really. I didn't know if he'd be too devastated or grief-stricken to leave the bed; I didn't know if he'd start screaming or shouting at me; I didn't know if he'd just act normal…I think they'd be better than indifference. I deserve it, though-I couldn't really expect anything less.

Why did he have to reject me after I told him I loved him? I wasn't expecting complete and utter forgiveness, but I wasn't counting on his reaction to dump me so cruelly either! He said-he said he wished I'd…bled it out, died…how could he say that after everything-

_How could you betray him after everything?_

I didn't want to-I mean, I wasn't thinking. Lust took over.

_Love is a much stronger emotion…surely that's the one you'd have listened to._

Love is stronger but lust can be more adamant!

_Do you think so?_

Yes. Love can't obviously be that adamant-I still cheated and Alister still dumped me! God I hate that phrase, it make us sound like teenagers!

That's what makes no sense-there isn't supposed to be an emotion stronger than love, yet…Alister's anger and feelings of hurt and betrayal…overruled him last night.

_Love is strongest-it's just not always obvious._

If it was really strongest, he would have remembered everything we've been through in the past two months! The Excalibur fiasco, my past being dug further than I intended, the accident, the coma, the attempt and…him killing for me.

_His anger clouded his judgement-like your depression did yours._

Will he ever come around?

_Would you?_

…I don't know-if he had actually cheated on me, then…oh God, I'd find it bloody hard.

_Then you can understand why Alister's being like he is?_

I always could…I just didn't want to accept it. I love him.

_And he loved you…_

There's that 'loved' again! He really meant it! It can't be past tense! It was-it was too intense. It was too intense…

_So was his anger._

He might have only have meant it then.

_Either way, you need to stop getting your hopes up, you need to move on._

That's usually what I do best. But what do I know-I thought I'd moved on from Kurtis…obviously not.

_You have to. Since when have you not been able to move on in the second that it happens?_

This isn't the first situation I haven't been able to 'get over' straight away…

_Bereavements don't count._

I'm not talking about them…or Kurtis.

The voice goes quiet again. I keep having so many conversations in my head, I swear I'm having more of them than real ones! This voice keeps changing form-it's been encouraging, it's been reasoning, it's been insulting…and now it's most recent form, something for bouncing ideas off of…oh Jesus, I'm actually starting to personify it! Help! I'm going crazy!

_What's changed? You're still the same Lara to me, _a voice mocks.

Shut up, Kurtis!

* * *

I pace around the gym, sighing. I know my strength is increasing everyday, but just _looking _at some of the apparatus wears me out! God, I must be getting old! That's the trouble with being near 40-my energy's not what it was…the accident didn't help, either.

Oh well…never let it put me off before. My stamina wasn't built to what it was by agreeing with those exhausted feelings.

I place myself by the mock rock and jump up to grab the slit in it. I feel a slight shooting pain in my left arm, but ignore it, as I traverse to the centre. I check behind me to make sure I'm lined up with the horizontal bar and-taking a deep breath-twist to the side and jump to grab the bar.

I'm all right…I'm all right. I've been able to start swinging on the bars again, but never more than three, and even that's a risk still. I prop myself up and swing gracefully around it once, then let go to reach the second horizontal bar. I repeat the motion and grab the pole attached to the wall opposite. So far so good.

I climb up it, and take a jump to the left, grabbing the green handholds. Because of my arm's tendency to start hurting and feeling weak at really random moments, I've thus far avoided going higher, but I think I'll try it today. My arm's not hurting, and I've got to bet back in the act sometime. I'm a tomb raider, for God's sake! I can't just retire because of some weak muscles! Besides, there are safety mats below (courtesy and insistence of Winston). He does look after me.

I climb up the handholds and jump to the horizontal pole behind me. Shit-nearly missed it. I barely caught it with one hand…but I'm fine, I'm fine. I move down the pole towards the centre of the room and turn to my right, and swing around the pole once to grab the slit. Screw it-I'll try two swings.

After four consecutive swings, I'm laughing. I can do this-I'm doing this!

"Ah!" I gasp as one of my palms loses grip of the pole-my right. I try in vain to pull myself up using my left, but it's stinging and burning like mad now. Shit…I attempt to pull myself up one more time when my left palm, too, loses grip. I go crashing to the floor, nearly hitting one of the poles! My head did smack against the padded bit as I land on my bottom, my legs flailing in the air. They smack to the floor and I slump against the padded pole. Bloody hell!

I get myself up, using the pole for support as my legs are a bit shaky after the ordeal, and brush myself off out of habit. I'm not sure why I do really-I'm not obsessively hygienic…I suppose it's because I want to seem in control and unfazed by it-if it looks like I'm more worried about getting dirty rather than what I've just been through, it just makes me look-and feel-a bit stronger. I've needed that more than ever nowadays…I've had to since the rape anyhow.

How can I say that so casually-'since the rape anyhow'? I'm not sure I ever really 'got over' it, if you know what I mean. I just…I just forgot, didn't let it be important enough to bother me. I had to-for my father's sake as well as my own. He didn't take it too well…especially when I discovered my pregnancy-

I shake this thought out of my head-it's in the past. It'll stay in the past…it's where it had to stay. That's one of the few things of the past I refuse to unveil-my own history. Some of it's irrelevant, some of it's hazy and uncertain…but most of it's just too painful.

* * *

"_Now that's just not true, is it, La-whore?" he smirks cruelly, letting go of my chin. I hang my head again, feeling more tears leak out of my eyes. I have a huge lump in my throat so I can't scream…would it even do any good?_

"_P-please," I stammer. "G-go. Leave m-me alone."_

"_I'm sorry, you're gonna have to repeat that," he whispers, leaning in dangerously. I flinch away._

"_Please," I beg._

"_Please what?" he says. "Please…get me a bottle of wine? Please…throw me off the balcony? Please…go?"_

_I nod, shaking. "Oh, so you want me to leave?" he repeats. I nod again, still crying. "See, I got a problem with that, La-whore," he whispers, leaning in again. "You're nodding, but you're also shaking. Which is it? You want me to go?" I nod furiously, trying so hard to stop myself from shivering. "Right now?" I nod again, hardly daring to believe it. "Give it a few minutes at staring at you, La-whore, I'll be ready to go right now!" What- "Although I guess the word should really be 'come'." No, no! Go, leave! Please, just leave!_

"_Please," I beg again._

"_Don't be so impatient, La-whore," he sneers. "Although I'm glad to see you're starting to enjoy it." I begin to shake violently as he takes a seat on the couch and props his feet on the table, his eyes not once leaving my form. I wrap my arms around my chest in a vain attempt at covering my breasts._

_Suddenly, he stands up. I flinch again, so hard that I fall to the floor. He just sneers, but heads to the kitchen. This is my chance-

* * *

_

I push that thought out of my head. What happened next was so horrible-I can't bear to relive it.

I turn towards the exit and see…Alister standing there. He's standing in the doorway, as though frozen to the spot. Did he-did he see me fall? He's looking at me intently, and takes a step forward, but then stops himself. I tear my eyes away from his and begin walking towards him, and out of the room, when I feel him grab my arm. "Alister?"

His grip on my arm tightens, and I try to wrench my arm free, but it's half-hearted. "Alister, let me go," I say. His eyes widen slightly, and suddenly, his arm falls limp. He has a strange look on his face, one that almost…scares me, in a way.

I turn away and start walking away. He doesn't follow. What just happened there?

* * *

_Alister's POV_

I saw her fall. I saw her fall, and I didn't…do anything. I didn't rush to her side. I didn't call for help. I didn't even ask if she was all right. I just stared on, allowing morbid fascination to take over. She landed on her bottom, and it looked like her head smacked the padded part of one of the poles…and yet I didn't move. Why didn't I move? It felt like moving would be too much hard work.

She eventually stood up, and brushed herself off-a common habit of hers. I think she does it to try and look like she's in control. It has quite the opposite effect. It means she's in denial, which is certainly not a sign of complete control. Then she just stood there for a few moments, looking shaken. She shook her head and then turned to face me. I just stood frozen, and we stared at each other.

The moment her eyes met mine, all those feelings of rage rushed back, and those feelings of…wanting to hurt her. I even went so far as to step forward, but was able to stop myself. I refused to let myself go any further. I clenched my fist in frustration. Half of me is telling me to just go forward, give that bitch what she deserves! But there was another half, telling me to stop…

She walks forward, towards the exit…towards me. Don't come any closer, Lara-

She doesn't stop and walks calmly past, but I grab her arm out of impulse. She quickly spins around. "Alister?" I don't say anything. I grip her arm tighter, that feeling of wanting to attack her getting so strong-just force her to the floor, hit her, kick her…make her feel as shit as I did when she cheated! Make her feel as betrayed as I did when she went crazy! Make her look as hurt and battered as I feel…

"Let me go, Alister," she says. My eyes widen. My arm falls limp suddenly, and she pulls her arm away. She gives me an almost scared look and starts to walk away again. I don't follow.

It's as though she read my mind back there. Telling me to let her go…I know she meant physically, but it's a bit of a coincidence. That the moment I was thinking about hurting her, she tells me to let her go…let her go…

_Let it go,_ a small voice floats in my head. I've heard those words before, from a previous girlfriend. Well, she wasn't so much a girlfriend than a one-time lover.

That's not the point! The point is, let it go. Let her go. Can I let her go? So soon? Can I really let her go? It's either let go of her or my anger, and that won't be easy. Or maybe the way to let go of my anger is to let go of her.

Can I let go of her? Can I honestly say I can let go of her? Am I ready? It's only been a day! Less than that, it's been about twelve hours!

What has she done to me?! I'm actually thinking about hurting her! _Lara! _The woman I…love so much.

But do I still love her? Can I really say I do, with these feelings? I don't like these feelings, I _hate_ these feelings! I want to shove these feelings up someone's arse! I don't want to hurt her…that's why I couldn't rush to her aid. That's why I can't stand to be around her. I know that if I'm around her for too long, those feelings may just get too overpowering and I will just-lunge and try to hurt her. I don't trust myself to be able to restrain myself, because I _don't _want to hurt her! I'm just scared I might not be able to stop myself. That's how I still love her…I won't let myself be around her, because I don't trust myself not to hurt her.

These feelings have to go away eventually-that's the thing with anger, Emma once told me, it's bloody strong while it's there, but the stronger it is, the shorter lasting it is. Until then, I'll stay away from her, so I don't hurt her. I'm doing her a favour…I'm doing this because I love her. Because I love her…

* * *

They come back giggling manically. They're both pissed as shit!

"Good thing you took a cab," I mutter.

"What?" Emma says, still giggling. I wave my hand in the air, as though to say 'it doesn't matter'. She starts giggling manically again. "No, come on, honey, I'll _hic! _listen! My God, that was a big one!" Zip bursts out into laughter alongside her. Glad I'm not her-she's the one with the constant droning in her ear tomorrow!

"I bet I could beat that!" Zip says, then lets out a loud burp. Emma tries hard to look unimpressed, but can't help bursting into laughter.

"That wasn't a hiccup!" she points out drunkenly.

"No, but you loved it!" She starts laughing again.

"Yeah, it was _hic! _tensasional," she slurs. "Do you know what I'd really like to do?" she pipes up suddenly.

"Yeah?" Zip says, looking dead serious.

"Well, you're gonna think this is a little crazy, but I have a sudden urge to go jump in the pool from the top of a diving board! Hey, come with me!" Okay, this is enough.

"Emma?" She gives me her attention. "Why don't you go up to bed, you-"

"No, that's not fun! Unless you'd like to join me, Zip?" she giggles flirtatiously.

"No can do, amigo," he says. She looks confused and then gasps.

"Right! Yeah!" she giggles. "Man, you'd just be the worst gay person ever if you did that!" She bursts into laughter again, moving to sit down on the couch, but trips over the table in the process! She bursts out laughing again, though, as she tries to support herself on the table. "I think I'm a little tipsy."

"Need a little help there, Emma?" Zip giggles. I never thought it was humanly possible for a man to giggle. He tries to give her a hand up, but ends up falling over himself, sending them both into fits of laughter again. "Go get us a beer, will you, Alister?"

"Ooh, that sounds great!" Emma agrees enthusiastically.

"I think you've had enough," I tell them.

"No we haven't! Come on, don't be a poilssort, get us some beer!" Emma argues, slurring. I'm about to protest again, when I think;

"Screw it!" I say. "I'll have one myself!"

"Atta boy, Alister!" Zip calls as I head to the kitchens.

When I return, the stereo is blasting out a metal tune, and Zip and Emma are dancing drunkenly to it. I crack open my can of beer and take a long swig.

"Hey, he's got beer!" Zip exclaims, 'rushing' over to grab a can i.e. he stumbled about six times! Being a gentleman (who am I kidding?!) he gets one for Emma as well, and tosses it at her. She literally jumps up into the air to try and catch it, but it lands and explodes on the floor behind her.

"I think I might need a refill," she says, looking behind her and starting to giggle again. Zip throws her another one, which hits her on the head before landing on the table. At first she looks shocked, but then breaks out into a huge smile. "I didn't even feel it!" she giggles. "I am _sooo _drunk!" Zip joins in with her hysteric laughing, and even I can't suppress a smirk.

She picks up her can and opens it, but it then decides to explode all over her! She drops it in shock. "Oh," she mutters, then starts laughing again. Zip and I raise our cans to her, and she takes a mock bow, but stumbles so low that she falls over again.

"She's just wasting the beer," Zip mutters.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I walk down the stairs, yawning widely. I had another dream last night, again about my mother. This is just getting old. It wasn't even too horrifying, it was just a repeat of a previous dream, with a few details changed.

I tread over in the direction of the kitchen, glancing into the computer room, and do a double take. I take a proper look and see someone…are my eyes deceiving me or is Zip slumped over one of the desks? I take a look around the room itself and see Emma lying on the stone floor with someone on the couch-is that _Alister?!_

Suddenly, Emma sits up, gasping. She grabs her head, and takes a look around, and lets out a loud shriek. "Ow!" she gasps, clutching her forehead again. I hate hangovers…they hurt like hell. What's stupid is, I feel it more in my stomach than my head!

"Emma?" I whisper. She looks in my direction, and has a surprised expression on her face.

"Lara? Hey, what am I doing here?"

"I'm guessing you passed out?"

"Yeah," she nods. "Yeah, that would make sense. What time is it?"

"About half nine," I tell her.

"Oh man!" she groans. "My flight's in six hours!" My eyes widen.

"You're cutting it a bit fine, aren't you? It takes nearly four to reach the airport, and don't you need to be checked in about an hour and a half for trans-Atlantic flights?" She nods grimly.

"Guess I better get dressed," she mutters.

"Do you want anything? I'm heading to the kitchen," I offer.

"A glass or twelve of water sounds great right now," she mutters. I smile, and make to move down to the kitchen. "Hey I can get 'em myself," she says. "Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? You don't have that much time before you need to be driven back-"

"I'll be fine." She gets up and heads up the stairs. I shrug it off and head to the kitchens.

Zip and comes groaning down to the kitchen, clutching his head. "Rough night?" I smirk.

"You can say that again," Zip mutters, grabbing one of the many glasses of water I prepared. I figured with Emma's hangover so bad, it would make sense that Alister and Zip would be no happier. Although I haven't actually seen him since I saw him on the sofa earlier. I returned, but by then he'd gone. Maybe he went to get dressed-he has to drive to the airport after all. If he can, that is. If his hangover's as bad as Emma and Zip's, he won't be going much further than his bedpost!

"Morning," Kurtis yawns entering the kitchen.

"Hey, dude," Zip says with his mouth full of water, thus splashing it all over the floor.

"Morning, Kurtis," I smile. He shoots me a grin and makes to grab for a glass of water, but I tap his hand away. "Hangovers only," I tease him. "Do you have a hangover?"

"I could pretend to have one if it means I get the same treatment as them?" I sigh patiently.

"Go ahead," I smile. He gives me an over-enthusiastic 'thank you' look and grabs a glass. "Cereal anyone?"

"Lara, are you okay?" Zip says, putting his now finished glass to one side of the sink.

"Yes, why?" I ask confusedly.

"It's just…you're offering to make people drinks and pouring them cereal and whatever…you've never done that before." I shrug.

"It's no big deal, Zip," I tell him.

"No, I'm actually with him on this," Kurtis pipes up. "You're acting weird."

"So your definition of 'weird' is 'helpful?'"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but when it's you, yeah," Zip says off-handedly.

"I can't think of a right way to take it!"

"There you go! That's you!" Zip says triumphantly, but then grabbing his head again. Bloody hell!

"What is?!"

"That."

"What?!"

"Don't yell at a guy with a hangover!" he says, mock angrily. He walks out, clutching his forehead.

"Kurtis, can you explain?" I ask. He shrugs.

"It's like you're…you're-over-compensating!"

"For what?" He shrugs again.

"I think that's what he was getting at." You can't do anything without getting bloody judged these days! It seems you can't bloody…well, do anything! What could I possibly have to over-compensate for?! I don't feel exactly brilliant about…Alister, but-I've nothing to compensate for, have I? These things happen. They happen, and there's nothing anyone can do about them!

I come back downstairs-fully dressed-to hear shouting. "For God's sake, Emma, will you just let me drive you to the bloody airport?!" Alister yells.

"Not in your state!" she retorts. "Honey, you've got a hangover! I'm sorry, but I just don't feel like I could trust your judgement!"

He sighs frustratedly. "Well-oh fuck this! Get a bloody cab then!" he shouts.

"I can't afford-" He throws his wallet at her.

"Take whatever you need! I don't care!" He storms past me up the stairs, not even looking at me as he shoves into me. Emma's looking a bit shocked as well.

"I could drive you?" Zip offers.

"You've got a hangover, too," Emma points out. "And it's a really long journey." Zip shrugs.

"I can," I offer, just as Kurtis opens his mouth. "I haven't got a hangover, and there's less chance of your luggage falling out of a car than his bike!" Kurtis shoots me a glare, but I ignore it.

"Well, yeah, if you're sure?" Emma says. I nod. "All right. That'd be great. Thanks." I smile and nod.

"We'll leave in ten minutes, okay?" She shrugs.

"Okay." Nice work, Lara. What a fun journey ahead! Is it me or does Emma seem…well, off with me? She's bordering downright rude. Hell, she _is _being rude! Has she always been like this and I've just not noticed, or is it a new trait? And is it directed at everyone or just me? I don't know what I've done-

_You cheated on her brother._

Oh that's right.

Kurtis is shooting me an odd look. What is it now, Kurtis?

_You're doing it again_, his voice says in my head.

"Doing what?" I say out loud. Fortunately, no-one else is around, so it makes me look less of a nutter!

"Being all…"

"What?"

"You're offering to drive her to the damn airport!" he says weakly.

"Well it's either that or pay 200 quid's worth cab fare!" I retort. "Unless you're offering to pay, this is a much more practical option! Neither Zip or Alister can drive because of hangovers, Emma obviously couldn't even if she didn't have a hangover, you admitted _yourself _you have difficulty handling cars-even if you knew the way-and I can't ask Winston to make that journey…twice! So if you just use a process of elimination, it would lead back to me anyway!"

"But you offered!" I sigh impatiently.

"I'm getting bored of this now, Kurtis." He doesn't say anything to this. "Are you implying that I'm selfish?" I ask, suddenly thinking. He looks shocked.

"What? No, no, I'm just-"

"It's funny, but you seemed shocked when I offered to do things for other people…why do you think I'm selfish?"

"Honey, I don't, I just-"

"You quite obviously do," I say, pretending I don't feel hurt by it. He looks down guiltily, and I'm reminded of when-oh Jesus! "Is this because of what happened with Alister?" I ask. His non-response gives me my answer. "So apparently everyone is going to resent me for that," I mutter.

"I don't resent you-"

"No but you're accusing me of being selfish because of it!" I retort. He doesn't say anything again, which is worse than him agreeing. At least then, I'd know where I stand!

Oh what am I talking about?! This is my house and-oh…shit!

"Hey, Lara, I'm ready," Emma says suddenly.

"Is everything in the car?"

"Well, tell the truth, I sorta forgot that part," she says embarrassedly. I turn around and smile.

"No worries. I'll give you a hand." Save it, Kurtis!

_Wasn't gonna say a word._

Good.

* * *

This drive has been so silent, I've seen louder silent films! Neither of us have said a word to each other. It's not that I'm deliberately trying to be unsociable, but she was so cold towards me before we set off, I just don't want to waste my time attempting at conversation.

As for Emma, well I'm guessing the reason she was so cold is the same reason she's not said a word either. I could apologise, but what would be the point? I have to Alister-over and over, if you remember-but he-although understandably- threw them back in my face. Who's to say Emma's reaction wouldn't be any different? Besides, there's nothing more annoying than trying to apologise, but instead of just accepting it like any decent person, all they do is stir it up again!

I take a deep breath, telling myself to calm down. I'm driving, for God's sake! I have to keep a clear head unless I want to end up back at that bloody hospital in another sodding coma! That really would be the highlight to this fabulous weekend, wouldn't it? Not only would I be back where this all started, but I'd probably have submitted Emma to the same fate, and I think one comatose person is enough.

"Aren't you kinda low on gas?" Emma mutters from the back suddenly. Oh yes-she's so pissed at me apparently, she can't even stand to be in the front passenger seat! I check the dashboard, but the level's fine. It'll get me to the airport anyway.

"I have enough," I assure her. I see her shrug in the rearview mirror but ignore it. Let her shrug if she really wants to!

"You know, this is ridiculous," she says, leaning forward. "I'm just gonna come out with it, okay, and please give me an honest answer."

"Fire away," I say sarcastically.

"Why did you do it? Really?" I feel a small surge of adrenaline pass through my stomach at these words. It's more than obvious what she's talking about. "Was he-did he never make it clear just so much he loved you?"

"I'm driving, Emma," I tell her.

"What, so you're incapable of speech?"

"No, it'd just be a lot less convenient for both of us if we ended up in hospital because we were arguing and I lost control!" She leans back.

"I want an answer."

"Well you're going to have to wait until I stop the car because I've already had a coma once this month and I hadn't intended on having another!" I snap, feeling a tear prick my eye. I blink it away furiously. What's there to cry about? I wasn't even _awake _so how can it bother me?! Thank God the airport's close-it's only about ten miles from here, so we should be there in about half an hour. Of course, if I'd had my way and not been stuck behind some incompetent prick nearly the entire journey, I could have made it in half the time…while breaking a few speed limits of course.

She stays quiet for the remainder of the journey, though glancing at me occasionally. I've seen her in the rearview mirror. I ignore her, though, and continue driving. The air-traffic control tower of the airport is the most welcoming thing I've seen in months!

I buy a ticket and park as close to the terminal as I can.

"You haven't answered me," Emma pipes up when we're in-line for check-in.

"If I didn't intend to answer, I wouldn't be waiting with you to check-in," I tell her.

"It's a long line, we've got ages. You can spill right here." I don't say anything. "It's a reasonable question, I mean you cheated on my brother! I think I deserve to know why." I look away. "Did he ever ask you that? Or more to the point, did you answer him?"

"Yes," I reply.

"Oh, this should be good. So, come on, what was it? Was he not good enough for you?" By now, we've got spectators. Usually I wouldn't give a shit, but since the accident, I've become so much more aware of the people around me. I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling a lot more self-conscious.

"He was fine."

"So why did you do it?"

"You're next," I mutter.

"Huh?"

"You're next," I repeat, indicating to the desk, with an impatient check-in girl waiting. Emma brings her luggage forward, but I stay behind.

When she's done, she's got an expectant look on her face. "Well?"

"You want to know why?" I ask her. "You _really _want to know?!"

"Yeah!" she says obviously.

"I fell for Kurtis," I admit. "It's a simple as that." She looks unimpressed. "Sorry if it wasn't some dark secret you could psychologically analyse, but it's the reason. I fell for Kurtis and it was just incredibly bad timing on his part!"

"Or incredibly bad willpower on yours," she mutters.

"Maybe," I admit. "But that's why it happened."

"Wait, so you're telling me that's what you told Alister?"

"No…but it's the truth."

"What did you say to him?" I don't look at her. "You never answered him, did you?"

"Well be fair, how do you answer such a question?" She doesn't say anything. "I don't feel good about it," I tell her. "I feel absolutely shit!" She nods.

"Yeah, I figured. Also, Zip said. I think that may be the first time he's ever told me something about you that I didn't already know."

"What do you mean?"

"He's intensely loyal to you-he won't say a single thing about you, he just says 'it's her business'. I mean, seriously, I haven't even been able to get your _shoe size _out of the guy!"

"Why would you want my shoe size?" I ask bemusedly.

"Yeah, I sorta got you a little thank-you gift. I saw these seriously cute boots in Birmingham, and you wear boots a lot and I thought you might like them. I think I left them…in my room? I can't remember. I kinda forgot with…everything," she finishes awkwardly.

"But I asked Alister, so they should fit," she pipes up. I smile. "But hey, I hope you get things sorted."

"So do I," I admit. She nods. "Kurtis keeps saying I'm over-compensating for it!"

"Oh, really?" she says sceptically.

"He keeps saying how I'm not acting myself, because I'm feeling guilty." Why am I telling her this?! "He's probably right."

"Well, um, I sorta figured you were acting differently, but I didn't think it was because of Alister." I frown in confusion.

"What else could it be?"

"Trust me, if it was Alister, you wouldn't be over-compensating for everyone else, that's not gonna resolve it! You know it-it's something else."

"There is nothing else," I tell her.

"Maybe there is-you're just denying it. It's because you're acting different that you know you're feeling guilty."

"Were you Freud in a past life?" She shrugs.

"I took Psychology at college-I guess that sorta stuff just never leaves you," she smiles. Oh don't get me started-it's amazing how-even now-I remember so much trivial stuff from my Archaeology course at…NYU. Particularly sophomore year… "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I say, trying to convince myself more than her. "So, just say hypothetically something was bothering me, what should I do?" She looks thoughtful for a moment.

"Um, well, it depends what it is," she replies. "Usually just confronting it can help, but if it's something really huge, or something from the past-" My heart skips a beat. "-try talking to someone…" her voice trails off as she sees I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. "But what do I know? I'm just some ex-junior Psychology student! I know shit."

"You were only a junior?"

"Yeah, they let me go," she tells me, smiling in a 'tough love' way. "I mean, seriously, why do you think I work as the underpaid secretary for a Senator? Huge step down! _I'd _need the psychologist if I'd graduated and did that!" We laugh slightly. I don't ask her why they 'let her go'. It's personal, and she seems the sort of person who wouldn't hold things inside…unlike someone I know very well. If I even know her anymore.

"Well I guess I'll go through to the gate area," she mutters. I nod. "But anyway, thank you so much for having me!"

"It's been great," I assure her. She smiles at me and picks up her hand luggage and makes her way to the stand, passport and airline ticket in her hand. "And Emma?" She turns around. "Thanks for…you know. What you said." She smiles and nods. "Have a safe flight."

"Thanks. Have a safe journey home." She goes up to the stand and hands her passport and ticket to the security guard. She gives me a small wave, which I return, as she goes through.

'Well,' I think. 'Time to go home.'

* * *

_I find him in his room, sitting on the couch reading a magazine. I approach him boldly and snatch it from his hands. "Hey-!" he exclaims, but is silenced as I place my lips on his, kissing him furiously for a few seconds. I break away as he starts to respond. He looks dumbstruck as I pull away…_

I snap back to reality. Jesus, aren't I being sad, dreaming of it? While I'm driving! I just let it slip away for a couple of seconds there…a girl can dream, right?

* * *

"Zip, this is getting ridiculous," I say as I enter the computer room. "You and me are going to sit down and have a serious talk about something because yes, I do need your help and I do want someone to talk to. There, I've admitted it. I'll see you where we usually go tomorrow after lunch." That said, I leave just as silently and swiftly as I entered. I don't even give him a chance to answer as I head back up the stairs to the library-to hopefully fulfill my daydream…

"Okay then," I hear him say loudly for my benefit.

* * *

I hesitate as I reach the library. This is no doubt where he'll be. I know I told myself I could do it, but now I'm not so sure this will work. This is so much more complicated than admitting you need a friend to someone so intensely loyal they literally don't even reveal your shoe size! It's a lot harder to resolve matters with someone you know is pissed at you…and who can be so cruel.

_It's either this or the other one_ the voice tells me.

I know, I know…except now the other one is looking so much more welcoming.

_So call her._

But I'm here now-

_Now you're just stalling again. You can talk techniques with Zip tomorrow…you need to do the other one alone. Only you can put it right._

I know…and I will. I'm not letting you down again…not this time.

* * *

I pick up the sheet of paper-although I don't really need as the number is still etched clearly in my mind-with my left hand, the bandage still visible, and the phone in my right hand. The last time drove me over the edge…but I don't care. I'm doing this! I don't care if I stutter, I don't care if it costs me bloody loads! I just want to talk to her…please don't hang up. Please pick up.

I dial the number nervously, and place the phone to my ear, and hear the dialling tone begin…a pause, and then the familiar _ring ring_ as the line connects. Please pick up, please pick up, please pick…

She's not going to. I'm about to put the receiver down when I hear a faint; "Hello?" coming from the other end. It sounds feminine-

"Lily?" I check.

"Yeah." I fight to control my breathing. She picked up…she picked up.

"Can we talk?" I say, silently begging her not to hang up

"Who is this?" I hear her ask. Oh God, what do I say to this?

_You know, Lara._

Yes...it's right, isn't it?

I take a deep breath and eventually reply;

"Your mother."

* * *

_Right, like I said before, I don't think this is that brilliant (euphemism) but the next ones should have much more going for them...and if you do like it, extra chocolate and plushies for you!!! lolx-you know the drill._


	19. Christmas Special: Prison of Thoughts

_Disclaimer: Yes, yes, I don't own this, probably never will as shocking as that sounds_

_Team-chaser: I'm so glad you didn't think the last chapter was crap...really helped to raise my spirits. About your idea...well I already know what I'm going to do, but I did take your idea into serious consideration...anyway, you'll see what I mean soon enough-thanx 4 reviewing lolx_

_The Third Demi-God: Good, glad to hear that-Kurtis you can come out now (Kurtis comes out from under table) Just don't annoy her too much, she still has the weapon...yes, Emma is gone, but not permanently-she'll be back-thanx 4 reviewing lolx_

_jacob love: Never thought you'd sign up, but an excellent idea all the same-I know it was long and pointless, but this one's better (I think???) I'll let you be the judge of that-thanx 4 reviewing lolx_

_Rather long A/N: Right, just to let you know, this is actually a Christmas Special (as the title tells you). It does fit in with the story, but it doesn't carry on from the eighteenth chapter if that makes any sense??? It's all in Alister's POV, and it's all set in the past-flashbacks in italics as usual-and there'll be translations at the end-just look at the numbers next to the other languages for reference...that's all I can say, so enjoy and Merry Christmas!!! (and yes, I do realise it's actually Christmas Eve) lolx

* * *

_

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to be lying on a very questionable mattress of a bottom bunk in a cold, dark prison cell on Christmas Day. I wasn't supposed to be awaiting my Christmas dinner of what will almost inevitably be cold leftover scraps from the guards' Christmas lunch. I wasn't supposed to spend this Christmas attempting conversation with an inmate who only speaks German. He keeps muttering 'Frohe Weihnachts zur mich' **(1)** then bursts out laughing-what the hell does that even mean?!

I was promised that this project I was working on was all above board, perfectly legal. I'll admit, I was kept in the dark for most of it, there weren't many of us who knew exactly what was going on, but I never expected _this! _This was just-barbaric, completely and utterly…there isn't even a word to describe it, it's so horrifying!

I don't even know what made me take the job. I needed the money, I suppose. I'd just finished my work contract with my previous employer, had gone to Washington to visit my sister, but from there I was stuck. I suppose I could have asked my previous employer for more work, but for personal reasons I'd rather not disclose, I couldn't. I just…couldn't. Besides, she didn't exactly seem like the type who'd want to take me back on. From what I gathered, she wasn't that keen to have me in the first place!

* * *

"_Alister!" Professor Warrington calls me. I look up from the ancient Italy scroll I was studying. He beckons me into his office. He closes the door behind me and takes a seat opposite me. Oh Christ, I feel like a schoolboy whose just been sent to the headmaster! "Alister," he begins._

"_Professor?"_

"_How long have you been my student?"_

"_Uh, nine-ten years, I suppose," I recall. "Yes, that's right, it's been nine now." He nods._

"_And how long is it since you first began your dissertation?" If this is about my bloody thesis again-why can't they just accept that perhaps it's possible?_

"_Nine years," I say grudgingly. I swear he's done this every year on this day since I failed my first try four years ago!_

"_And how many successful doctorates have you achieved in this time?" Why's he asking me this, he already knows I've earned sod all!_

"_None," I say with an air of annoyance._

"_And why do you think that is?" Because none of you can accept my bloody thesis is why!_

_Actually, that's not fair-Warrington's probably the best professor I could have got. At least he's allowing me to retake-apparently some of the other professors think it's so far-flung they would have thrown me out after the third year, which is when you have to summarise your thesis. The next two years are spent undertaking practical research._

"_My thesis is unacceptable," I settle for. He nods, muttering 'mmm'._

"_And, hypothetically, how might you hope to overcome this obstacle?"_

"_Change my thesis and devoid myself of all individuality I may have expressed in it?" I suggest casually and frustratedly. He just laughs._

"_Now that would just set you further back. If it were up to me, you would have been awarded your dissertation four years ago," he states. Shame you weren't the examiner then, isn't it? I know the word 'examiner' sounds very 'O-Level' standard, but they're still the ones who mark our formal papers. "And not because your thesis can be scientifically proved to be correct, but because you, as you say, express your individuality with this thesis. And you've tried damn hard to prove it, and I admire that. You've stuck firmly with your thesis, and you've refused to be dwindled into changing."_

"_However," he continues. "As you know, next year you will be retaking the formal exam, as it would be the end of your second term, correct?" I nod. "And, basing this purely on close observation, I feel you have been lacking in the practical research this time around."_

"_Ah, the reason for that is-" I begin._

"_I am not criticising," he assures me. "I know how hard you have been trying to use these two years reading ancient scrolls and whatnots to thus prove your thesis as much as you can-"_

"_I felt no need to undertake more practical research as it would only mirror what I did last time," I tell him._

"_Alister, I understand that," he says patiently. "However, part of the exam is-as you know-relating to your practical research, and you've done next to nothing, and unfortunately, you cannot use last year's research as a reasonable source. It needs to be entirely up-to-date."_

"_I assure you I have undertaken some practical-"_

"_Professor Warrington?" the intercom beeps with his secretary's voice._

"_Yes, Liesel?"_

"_Lady Croft is here, sir."_

"_Excellent!" he smiles. "Send her up." Ah, Lady Croft. Even though none of us have ever properly _met_ her, she's a legend around here. She comes down every-so-often to confer with Warrington, oh, and don't the men just love those sessions! I swear some literally schedule times for library research just to see her! I've never seen her myself, but apparently she's stunning._

_Of course, we've all _heard_ of her! She's Lord Richard Croft's daughter, and has taken after him in more ways than one-the most noted being that she's also a famous archaeologist._

_He turns to me. "There's someone I'd like you to meet," he smiles mysteriously. There's a quiet knock at the door and he calls; "Come in. Ah, Lady Croft."_

"_Professor," a very refined sounding voice says behind me. "It's been a long time."_

"_Well, you're always swanning off somewhere," he says off-handedly. "It's hard to keep track."_

"_Why do you think I hired Zip? It certainly wasn't for his charms." He gives a small laugh. "But never mind that, why did you ask me to come here today?"_

"_I hope I haven't interrupted any plans?" he asks, indicating to the seat next to me, but she remains standing._

"_Well, it was either seeing you or taking an innocent sight-seeing trip to Thailand," she replies. He gives a small laugh again._

"_Right, well, Lara, this is Alister Fletcher," he turns back to me. "He's one of my doctoral students, and an invaluable assistant." I stand up to look at her and extend my hand,, but she doesn't take it. She just surveys me with chocolate brown eyes, and turns her attention back to Warrington. "And Alister, you remember Lara?" I don't, but I nod anyway. It's like I said, everyone here knows Lady Lara Croft. "Lara, Alister's the one I've been wanting you to meet." I try not to let my surprise show as she looks at me again._

"_Oh?" is her response._

"_Yes-your employee-Zip is it?-did give you the details, didn't he?"_

"_Well, it depends whether you added those details before or after you cut to the chase."_

"_I fear I added them after."_

"_Then they will never have reached me-Zip has a tendency to blank out after noting down the main point. It's an unfortunate trait we both share," she says with slight amusement playing on her lips…_

"_Alister?" Warrington says._

"_Sorry," I say hastily. "Yes?"_

"_If you would both kindly sit down, I would like to give you both a proposition." I nod and take a seat, but Lady Croft once again remains standing. Warrington ignores this and takes the seat opposite me again. "Now, I know this may be a bit unseemly-" Oh God, he's doing his 'lecture' tone. I think I must have said it out loud, because I hear a small snort coming from behind me. "But it's an idea I've been pondering about for a few weeks now, and I've thought about it, and I've come up with something that could prove highly beneficial for both of you."_

"_I propose-and you don't have to immediately agree-that Alister enters an employment contract with you, Lara." Excuse me?_

"_And what use would he be?" she says from behind me. I'm glad she _is_ behind me. I try not to show the hurt I feel from those words._

"_You are always going off to places and recovering artefacts…what Alister could do would be to research them in the first place."_

"_So you're proposing I take him on as my research assistant?"_

"_Exactly. And, Alister, not only would you be earning a much more reliable income, you'd have time to complete your dissertation _and_ you'd have some more experience for the practical side. I'm sure Lara's got an artefact or two she needs examining!" he says to me. I nod, thinking about it. It sounds tempting…I really am in deep shit with rent right now._

"_And just say hypothetically," Lady Croft begins behind me. "I were to accept this 'proposition', what exactly would his living arrangements be?" I'm in the room, you know!_

"_Well, naturally as Oxford is far from Shropshire, he would be a resident-as your other employees are."_

"_So you're suggesting he live at the estate?" Warrington nods. "And why, pray tell, would I want a complete stranger living in my home? I've known Winston all my life, and I'd employed Zip before accepting him as a full-time technological expert with a residency included."_

"_He is my most invaluable assistant, Lara, this would be a stupid opportunity to waste."_

"_Thank you for your consideration, Edward, but I think I'll survive knowing I 'wasted the opportunity'," she says clearly. "Was there anything else?" Who the hell does she think she is? I don't care if she's a bloody aristocrat, she's got no right to talk to him like that!_

"_No," he mutters weakly, shaking his head. She nods and then departs without so much as a word of good-bye. I'm not going to stand for this._

"_Excuse me?" I call after her. She sighs and turns around impatiently. Oh God, she's looking a bit pissed off. Suddenly, all my courage seems to leave me._

_No, no! Don't back down now! "I don't have time for this," she mutters._

"_Well, perhaps I didn't really have the time to meet with you!" I retort. "But I still came, out of politeness." She's started surveying me again, but I don't care. "You may be a busy girl, but I've got a lot on as well! Do you actually know how hard it is to retake-_and _pass-a dissertation exam?"_

"_No," she smirks. "But that's probably because I've never had to retake."_

"_Which is probably because you had no streak of creativity in you when completing the exam!" She gives a small laugh, and then starts to come closer until our faces are only inches apart._

"_As you're such a 'promising' student, I'll let that comment slide," she warns, and moves away again._

"_Or what, you would have shot me?" She shrugs. She really is something else!_

"_Lara-" Warrington tries to intervene, but she holds a hand up to silence him._

"_You don't need to say anymore, Edward," she says to him, though still looking at me. "I'm convinced." She gives me a small mysterious smile, then exits, making a point of moving her hips from side to side as she walks._

_As she walks out of the library, all the men's eyes have once again turned and are hungrily following her out of the room. I shake my head, but hear a small, raspy laugh behind me. "What?" I ask._

"_Oh, just welcome to the wonderful world of Lara Croft," he smirks. Why? "Oh, haven't you sussed it yet? She's just accepted my proposition!"

* * *

_

"He. He!" I look towards the door from the window. It's my inmate. "Möchtest du deinen Abendessen, oder nichts?"

"Ja," I reply. I know enough German to know he's asked me if I want my food or not. He hands me my plate, which looks suspiciously like someone's already picked at it. Perfect.

"Merry Christmas, Alister," I mutter to myself and dig my fork into a potato. Well, it has some promising prospects-it looks crisp, it feels crisp…and tastes like a soggy rag!

I can hear my mother's voice now: 'It's your fault you got involved!' she'd say. But that's not fair. It was only sheer dumb luck that I got the job! After my visit to Washington had expired, I wasn't really sure what to do. I'd earned enough from my previous job to be able to travel comfortably for a while, so I thought I'd use the opportunity to visit Europe. All of it-many think this would be a waste, but Europe's a beautiful continent. And the advantage is, you can use a train to get to most places-it takes longer, but it's more scenic, and more environmentally-friendly.

Anyway, my first stop was Paris, and that's as far as I got. It was in Paris I met Marie;

"_Qu'aimeriez-vous boire?" _**(2)**_ the bartender says almost as soon as I walk in. Uh…_

"_Un cappuccino, s'il vous plait," _**(3)**_ I order. That's about as far as my French extends! Why did I pick Paris again?_

"_Grand oû petit?" _**(4)**

"_Grand, s'il vous plait," _**(5)**_ I reply. He nods and sets to work. I take this opportunity to try and count the money. I've never got to grips with other currencies-I almost lost a hundred dollars once because I thought it said 'ten' on it! And these Euro coins are just confusing!_

"_Désolé, mais nous ne servons pas le cappuccino plus," _**(6)**_ he says suddenly. What?_

"_Répéter, s'il vous plait?" _**(7)**_ I ask desperately. He quickly repeats the sentence, leaving me flustered. It's something to do with cappuccino, but apart from that-_

"_Quit messing with him, you know he's English," an American voice says to my right. I turn and see a blond woman sitting there, smoking a cigarette. She's got a look of amusement on her face, but is looking disapprovingly at the bartender. She turns to me. "And just ignore him, they _do _still serve cappuccino, he's just trying to confuse you because he knows you're English."_

"_Would I do that?" the bartender asks, sounding hurt, in a strong French accent. She nods casually, shrugging._

"_Just serve the guy, will you?" I expect him to argue back, but he simply turns and gets on with the job. She must be a regular for her to be so callous about it._

"_That will be six euros, please," the bartender tells me. Six euros?!_

"_Pierre!" the woman scolds. "Quit trying to rip him off. You know it's half that!"_

"_He is a tourist," the bartender-apparently called Pierre-argues back. I sigh and hand him three Euros in change. Pierre takes it, and glares over at the woman, but she just smiles sweetly. She glances at me and beckons me over to her table. Why not? She's obviously American-so speaks English-and she's just stood up for me-twice!_

"_Sorry about Pierre," she smiles as I come over. "He gets bored easy and ripping innocent customers off is his idea of entertainment."_

"_I never tried to rip you off!" he calls over to her._

"_I said 'innocent', Pierre."_

"_Oh." She emits a small laugh._

"_So," she begins, turning back to me. "What brings you to Paris?"_

"_Travelling, really," I shrug. "I want to see Europe, and Paris is just the first place I thought of."_

"_It usually is," she replies, taking a sip of her coffee. "Why do you think that is?"_

"_I don't know-the atmosphere of the cafes, I suppose," I mutter, then cursing myself for my tactlessness, but the bartender and the woman just laugh._

"_I'm Marie, by the way," she introduces herself._

"_Alister Fletcher," I tell her, extending my hand, which she takes. "And what was your name again?"_

"_It's Marie, that's all you need to know," she says, stubbing her cigarette in the ashtray. "So tell me, Alister," she says in between sips of her drink. "What's a refined-sounding guy like you doing in a slum like this?"_

"_Would…you call it a slum?" I repeat uncomfortably. She shrugs._

"_I've seen better," she says. I nod, feeling uncomfortable again._

"_Then why do you come here?" I contradict. She looks surprised._

"_Why do you ask?"_

"_You just don't seem like the sort of woman who'd be comfortable here."_

"_Oh, honey, if you work where I work, the war fields of Iraq look homey." I give a low whistle._

"_Well, so was one of my old jobs," I mutter._

"_Really? Where was it?"_

"_In a box factory." She snorts with laughter._

"_Oh, I think mine's much more dire than that," she smiles._

"_Do tell." She looks up and her eyes gaze into mine, boring into them. What's she doing, trying to soul-search me or something? I start to feel uncomfortable, but I don't look away. She smiles._

"_Yes," she whispers mysteriously. "Tell me, are you between jobs at the moment?"_

"_Does travelling count?" She laughs._

"_I guess. But listen, before I tell you anything, I need to know something." I nod, prompting her. She smiles again. "If you could just…close your eyes for a sec?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Just trust me." Against my better judgement, I close my eyes, and almost instantly, I feel my head start to ache slightly…it feels strange, like someone's scrabbling about in there, trying to dig deep. Instances of my life flashes before my mind's eye; flashes of my childhood, my time at University and…oh, no you don't!_

_I open my eyes forcefully, and the contact is broken. I stare deep into hers and see surprise in them. "Well," she says. "It seems you're better suited to the job than I first thought."

* * *

_

After that, it was simply a case of her explaining it to me-regardless of the bartender hearing every word!-and my blunt accepting of the job!

I don't know why I took it-I really don't know what possessed me to agree, just like that. And her employer, this British man-Joe she called him-didn't have a problem with her blatantly offering jobs to any Tom, Dick or Harry. He just took me on, introduced me to his second-who for some reason had to give the final say-and that was it. I was an official member of their Research team.

At first, I was completely perplexed by it all-even with Marie showing me the ropes. Sometimes, it got so much, I felt like I was in a dream, and that sometime I'd wake up…back in my old room at Croft Manor, and spending another day with Lara…

Of course, accepting the job meant relocating-though not to Paris as I first thought, which struck me odd. You know, why was Marie recruiting in Paris when the…'firm' shall we say, was based in another country?! I didn't tell anyone I'd moved…who was there to tell, except everyone at Croft Manor, but seeing as that had been my last home, I think they might have noticed I'd moved out!

To tell you the truth, if it had been completely up to me, I wouldn't have gone anywhere. If I could have, I'd have signed another employment contract-I liked it there. The position paid well, I had a great employer with an…'interesting' lifestyle, I'd made friends there and…I don't know, it was-it was home. And if it wasn't anything else, it was an experience! I experienced a lot there-not enough to help me successfully complete my dissertation, but still! I embarked upon another five-year course after the second one fell through as well. Zip found it hilarious that I was so desperate for a 'scrap of paper' as he ceremoniously named it, and Lara just smiled at my determination. She actually encouraged me to take it again, she was so supportive…I miss her.

Except what can I do now? If I'm found guilty (though the charges are ridiculous!) I'll go to prison for God-knows how long! And not even that, my reputation would be destroyed! Would Warrington still even want me on the course? And if I did return to England after this is all over, what would happen to me? Would I even be able to get another job because of my criminal record? This has ruined me…

It didn't even seem that bad at first. I thought their motives were slightly…well, mysterious, as I was kept in the dark, but it was good money and I was learning one hell of a lot! The research got a bit mythical in places, but Lara was always telling me I was 'too literal', which I thought was a laugh because I hadn't received my dissertation because I apparently wasn't literal enough for them! I have to admit, she has proved me wrong on certain things-such as Atlantis…you thought it was a myth, right? It turns out, it's as real as the situation I'm in now. She doesn't have any documentary proof of Atlantis itself, but she's got this artefact-the Scion, originating in Atlantis. It's got quite a story behind it…anyway, that's just one of many she's collected, I won't go into detail. Let's just say it opened my mind up to many new things.

I have to admit, despite my new bout of open-mindedness, I had a hard time believing everything Marie told me! She just said 'it takes a while to sink in'. And it did-it really did. I was still trying to get my head around it all after two months of working there! It didn't help that everyone else spoke bloody German or French or God-knows what other languages-the only English speaking one, it seemed, was Marie…and she was more often in Botany than Research. She called herself a researcher, but she's more of a specialist-she's better at plants and concocting illicit mixtures from them, I was just good for referencing things, and studying the occasional artefact.

It may sound boring, but parts of it were actually fascinating. It's unbelievable how efficiently they all worked! What would usually take me a full day to research-and that's on a _very_ good day-took them little more than a couple of hours. I swear some of them weren't human!

Of course, I wasn't _just_ based in the library, it's just where you often found me as I was more on their Archaeology/Historian team, but was always better at the written work than the practical excavations. To be honest, it reminded me a bit of when I was at the Manor…it was usually a case of an artefact being discovered, my researching it, them discovering it and my writing it up, just like at Lara's. But to me, that was a positive aspect-I don't take change that well sometimes, and at least the routine was familiar enough.

Despite this, though, sometimes I really missed my old job, my old home, my old employer…back at the Manor, it was like home, earning and friends rolled into one package. Here it was just earning-it felt too foreign to feel like home and I didn't make any friends as such, unless you count Dan, the only other English member of my team. I'm not sure I'd have classed him as a 'friend', he was a…colleague. At the Manor, I could eventually safely say that Zip, Winston and even Lara were my friends.

There were obviously other people I spoke with, and went for drinks with occasionally, but they weren't really friends I could talk to…except for Marie, perhaps. I think she was probably the only real friend I made there…I don't know what's happened to her. She probably got arrested as well, for the same bloody ridiculous charges as me. 'Involvement' is their excuse for locking me away in this cold, damp cell with a German inmate! Involvement in an 'illegal project', oh, no, sorry-'active voluntary involvement' was how it was phrased at the hearing! I've heard less crap on EastEnders!

Is it really 'active involvement' if I didn't know what the hell was going on half the time? I have to admit, I'd had my suspicions-even queried them with Marie-but I was never certain! My theories hadn't even come _close _to what was actually going on anyway! I think Marie might have had an inkling, though, at the very least. She was always being called away up to the main office, and whenever I discovered something new, she would just nod, and let me blabber on through politeness before I'd _finally _realise that she already knew! There was only one time I really managed to light a fire under her;

_I find her standing outside, her blond hair tied back as it always is for work, smoking another cigarette. She's got a nicotine problem. "You know they're bad for your health?" I say. She doesn't even move. She seems to have this inhuman ability to sense whenever somebody's there!_

"_So is being cooped up in a library all day, but it doesn't stop you," she murmurs. I laugh sarcastically._

"_I've been looking for you everywhere," I say._

"_Well I'm not your babysitter, Alister, I think you're man enough to handle this big scary building on your own," she smirks._

"_Do you want to hear this or not?"_

"_Sorry," she smiles. "What is it? You got some more research I already knew about?"_

"_Okay, bye," I tell her, turning around._

"_Alister, come on, I'm kidding!" I turn to face her. "Lighten up, would you?" I sigh, but go back to where she's standing anyway. "So, what have you got?"_

"_Research," I mutter._

"_Well, what is it?"_

"_What's the point, you probably already know it, cos you know bloody everything around here!"_

"_Well, you know, that's not my fault. If they decide to let me in on it and not you, I can't help that." I shrug. "And stop acting like such a teenager, you sound like my son!"_

"_You have a son?" I say, in shock. She nods._

"_I'm 46, Alister, you knew that. Or what, you think I'm not marriage material?"_

"_No, no, it's not that, it's just-you never mention your family or said you were divorced."_

"_What makes you think I am?" she asks, looking offended._

"_You don't wear a wedding ring," I point out. She leans back against the wall, and mutters 'oh'. "So, are you divorced?"_

"_Widowed, actually," she whispers._

"_I'm sorry," I say, touching her shoulder sympathetically._

"_It's okay," she smiles. "It happened a long time ago." We stand in an awkward silence for a bit. I had no idea she was widowed-I just assumed she was divorced, I mean there is a rising rate all over, especially in the States. Maybe she's never been able to talk about it…?_

"_So, your husband-" I begin, but she cuts me off._

"_What research did you want to show me, Alister?" she asks, giving me a look that says 'just forget it'. I nod, and retrieve the folder from under my arm. She takes it and opens the flap, studying the first page. "Oh, where are those front covers I'd grown so fond of?" she laughs._

"_It's only a first draft," I smile awkwardly. She tuts._

"_You're usually so efficient, Alister, I'm disappointed," she smiles, still laughing slightly, but then her expression changes as she flicks through it. She now looks…scared, horrified even. She pulls out one of the sheets, and studies the sketch closely. "Did you draw this?" she asks me quietly._

"_Well, I-"_

"_Alister?!"_

"_I copied it-it's just a rough drawing-"_

"_Where'd you get it from?"_

"_A book-"_

"_Where?"_

"_In the library." She looks scared. "Marie, what is it?"_

"_What book?"_

"_I don't know-"_

"_Which book, Alister? I don't need its damn ISBN, just its freaking title!"_

"_I can't remember," I admit. That's a first- "You could try the bibliography at the back?" I suggest. She drops to her knees and turns the folder back-to-front and grabs the sheet at the back, titled 'Bibliography'. She shakes her head._

"_You bastard," she mutters._

"_Marie-!"_

"_Thank you very much, Alister, this has been invaluable," she says to me, standing up, and taking the bibliography and the drawing with her. She stalks wordlessly away, back into the building. She never even stubbed her cigarette. I quickly bash it with my foot and pick up the folder._

"_Hey, Marie!" I shout as I run in after her. "What about the rest?!"

* * *

_

To this day, I still haven't seen the huge significance of that drawing. I looked for the book in the library later, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I'm guessing Marie must have taken it, because I asked the librarian, and he couldn't recall it being checked out. Either Marie forgot in her apparent rush or she deliberately stole it. I prefer to think it wasn't the latter, but it obviously meant something to her…she could have stolen it quite easily. If there's one thing I've learned about women over the past few years, it's that they can get _very_ passionate and _very_ defensive and protective of things that are close to them!

Like with Lara, one time when I'd only been there a few weeks, I'd gone snooping (though I told myself-and her-that I was just 'exploring') and came across a room that I hadn't seen before, quite close to the library. Hell, it was _in_ the library! There was a well hidden lever that activated a fake bookcase and revealed a door, leading to the room. What would you have done? Curiosity aroused, I went in and had a look…it was quite disturbing in a way. It was as if-even before I knew-that I was delving deep into someone's past…too deep;

_I enter cautiously, for fear of triggering an alarm or trap of some sort. You may think I'm being over-extreme, but trust me, once you've lived here for just a few weeks, it won't seem so ridiculous. Lara really does seem to guard this place with her life!_

_When I've gone in a few steps and nothing happens, I start to relax, and look around. I blink, trying to see into the darkness. I can make faint outlines here and there, but not a lot. I fumble around for a light switch, but don't find one. Maybe I should just leave-?_

_I spy something that reflects the light from the room behind me. I walk towards it, ignoring the protesting voices, telling me it's none of my business. As I get closer, I see it's a box-a music box, ovular in shape. I pick it up, and see an inscription in intricate writing. I can't quite make out what it says-I think the first letter's an 'A'. I sigh and make to open it, but it resists, and I spot a keyhole to the front of it. A key that I can't find anywhere. I replace the box and look around the room again, and find my eyes are much more adjusted to the gloom. I can see-is that a cradle?! I go closer to it, and on closer inspection, see it is indeed a cradle. What's Lara doing with a cradle stored up here? There's a name at the front-in the same intricate writing as before, and again, with an 'A' as the first letter._

_I shake my head, feeling slightly disturbed and shaken for some reason. I really shouldn't be here-I catch a glint out of the corner of my eye, over where the box was. How could I have missed it? I pick it up, and see it's a pendant, beetle-shaped, like an Egyptian scarab. It's quite heavy for what it is. I turn it around, and see an inscription. I think I can make it out-_

"**_To my dearest Lara, I shall love you always, no matter where you are-your Mother."_**

_I drop the pendant through shock. What the hell is wrong with me?! That's it, I'm leaving. I don't like this place-it's got a…eerie feeling to it, forbidden, ghostly almost._

_Now I _am_ being ridiculous! I replace the pendant and turn to leave when I see a darkened figure in the doorway. Shit-_

"_What-?" they begin, sounding furious. "-the _hell _are you doing in here?!" they snap. Lara._

"_Lara, I'm sorry, I-"_

"_How did you even find this room?!" she demands._

"_I-I was just exploring, and I found the lever and-"_

"_You were snooping, you mean!"_

"_Lara, I'm sorry, I-I just-"_

"_Get out of here now!" I don't move. Does she mean the room or-? "What are you waiting for?!" she shrieks desperately. "Get the hell out of this room right now! If I wanted you to go snooping in here, I'd put everything on display! Now go!" I quickly move out of there, feeling mortified. I leave the room beyond it, as well, expecting her to follow, but she doesn't move. I look back and see her leaning against a bookcase for support, struggling with herself. She looks so upset-_

"_Lara-" I begin._

"_Aren't you gone yet?!"_

"_Sorry," I mutter, and leave her, but even as I'm descending, I can hear her start to quietly sob...

* * *

_

I seem to make a habit of hitting nerves of the women I care about. It's not like I mean to, I just always seem to do the wrong thing. Like with that drawing and the book, it had to be _me_ who announced its existence to Marie and make her upset. And that room, it had to be _me_ to find it and possibly things I shouldn't. Both situations were obviously very sensitive to Marie and Lara…I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I know Lara's mother died when she was young, I just don't know the full story…although I suppose it would make sense why she was so sensitive about the pendant. But what about the cradle…and the music box…?

That was around Christmas time as well, actually. We didn't discuss it at all, I think she preferred to pretend nothing had happened, and I was more than happy to go along with that. It's her business, after all. Part of me thinks I should have gone back to her when I heard her cry, comforted her, but at the time, it felt wrong. I felt like I'd 'done enough'. I didn't want to make things worse…she was my new employer, wasn't she? I'd already gone and landed myself in it, or so it felt like. I'd learned pretty quickly that she wasn't like most other employers, but it was obviously something extremely personal I'd accidentally uncovered. To tell you the truth, I was scared she'd fire me over it, but like I said, she never even mentioned it.

"Alister Fletcher!" someone shouts. One of the guards. I sigh quietly and go to the door, which I hear him unlocking. What's going on-the guard grins at me;

"Du hast eine Besucherin!" **(8)** the guard tells me, still smirking. Screw him-he knows full well I can't understand what the hell he's just said! I just walk out of the cell and follow him as he leads me down the hall. It doesn't look like we're going to where I usually meet my lawyer-who am I kidding? Why would my lawyer come to see me on Christmas Day?!

As we near wherever we're going, I see plenty more inmates, though none looking as confused as I do. They all look slightly overjoyed…I hear an alarm sound as the metal bar doors creak open and we're led through to a room with tables and people sitting at them. Oh! It's the visitor's room! But who the hell would…oh dear Lord!

"I hope you've got a good reason for this or I am _so_ gonna make you reimburse me for the flight!" the smirking form of my sister says impatiently yet amused from the far right table.

"Emma, what the hell are you doing here?" I exclaim as I take the seat opposite her.

"Well, it's nice to see you too!"

"Sorry," I smile. "But what are you doing here, you-you live in Washington!"

"Well thank you for clearing that up-seriously I didn't know which plane to catch for the return flight!" she says sarcastically.

"Unless you can read German, you're basically buggered anyway," I mutter, to which she smiles at.

"Actually, I was never too bad at languages at school," she tells me.

"Ah, but did they teach German, though?"

"Not so much," she admits. "But I got myself through Immigration okay. And I even managed to get a cab down here."

"Did the cabbie speak English?" I contradict. She shrugs.

"Maybe a little." I smirk.

"Mystery solved."

"Well, you know, at least I'm not the one stuck in a foreign prison! I can't believe they did that to you!" She pauses. "What were the charges?" I sigh but smile. That's Emma-outrage, then questions.

"Involvement," I tell her. "No 'active voluntary involvement'."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great, honey, but with what?"

"You really wouldn't understand," I tell her. "I can barely get my head round it and I worked there for over a year and a quarter!" She nods.

"Well, do you know when the trial is?" I shrug.

"They say early next year, but to them, that could be anywhere between January and…October! And that's just the waiting period-I dread to think what my sentence will be!"

"Honey, that's if you even _get_ one, you know, they might-they might let you go," she says trying to sound optimistic, but I know she doesn't honestly think so. She's got that 'be cheerful for them because I think they're buggered' expression on her face.

"At most it'll be three to four years, my lawyer told me," I say. "So I'll be out of here by 2010."

"No, honey, that's crap! Three to four freaking years is a damn long time!"

"It's short compared to what most of the others will get," I tell her. "I was fortunate because I was only on Research, and had been there for less than two years, so that should result in a lesser sentence."

"Wait, _should?!_"

"Well, the man's English, and he's only got a limited knowledge on how European courts are run."

"But, still, what am I supposed to do without my stupid big brother for four years?" she says sadly.

"Thanks, Emma."

"Hey, come on, it's a compliment coming from me," she argues lightly, taking my hand. "You're gonna get out of here, you're not even guilty for anything except-"

"Playing a large role with the development of their 'project' by providing so much research?" I suggest.

"Well, yeah, but you didn't know what it was _for_…right?"

"Oh, of course I did, Emma, that's why I carried on doing it for a year and a quarter!" I say sarcastically. She smiles sympathetically. "I didn't know," I confess. "I didn't know."

"I know, honey, that's why-that's why you're gonna get off. You're innocent in this. You didn't play a direct role in this, okay, you just provided research that may or may not have helped them. They would have got there eventually, you just maybe sped up the process. This doesn't make you a criminal."

"It will if I'm found guilty," I remind her.

"But you won't be," she tells me. "And if they doubt it, I'll be a character witness."

"Thanks, Em," I smile. "But the thing with this case is, I don't think character witnesses are really necessary. He just needs to prove beyond reasonable doubt that I didn't know what I was getting involved with and that I never knew what was happening prior to my arrest."

"Well, still, if it's needed, it's there. But enough of that, how are you doing, honey?"

"Not great," I admit. "It's so damp and cold and I've only got a German-speaking inmate for company! If I have to spend the next four years like this, I may go crazy!"

"Well, at least if they're all foreign, you got less chance of becoming somebody's bitch," she smirks, and laughs. I give her 'the look' and she stops. "Sorry, sorry, but you know what, the worst thing that'll probably happen is-"

"I'll go to prison."

"Will you listen?" I mouth 'sorry'. "You'll probably just get deported or something, and from what I've seen, it's not exactly a great loss."

"I could lose my passport."

"Well, so what? You belong in England anyway. Besides, maybe you can go back to your old employer?" she suggests. I snort.

"Do you not remember the last conversation we had about her?" I ask.

"Which one?" she asks.

"The one about…never mind," I cut off. I never actually told her it was Lara…we had a conversation when I started blabbering about England, and somehow we swung around to my love life, and I mentioned there was 'someone'…I never told her it was my employer!

I don't know if it's even love, actually. How can you ever really know if it's love or just a really strong crush until you've actually _been_ with them? I know I said plenty of stuff like, it was wrong that she wasn't at the breakfast table, or that it was odd going into a gym and she wasn't working out in there…but that's not love, is it? It's just a…a strong friendship with a bit of a crush…maybe…I do miss her, though. And there were days I found myself wanting so much to be back at the Manor, even before I went to Paris…and met Marie. She helped a bit, I think, she was a good friend. Is a good friend…it was stupid to think I could have maybe liked her as a bit more, she's twelve years older than me! And Lara was my bloody employer! God, I do have bad habits sometimes…falling for the most unlikely women!

Shit, I did fall for them…one way or another.

The guard shouts out something in German…or that's what it sounds like, my brain's so fogged…

"Honey, I gotta go, our time's up," Emma tells me, standing up. "But I will absolutely come and see you again, all right? Tomorrow-I mean, I can't even get a flight outta here till the 29th! I might as well make the most of it, right?" I nod.

"That'd be great, Emma," I smile. "Thanks…for…coming and just…making the effort." She smiles.

"I wasn't just gonna leave you here!" she laughs. "Now God forbid, if you make me cry-" I pull her into a tight hug, which she returns just as strongly. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" she promises. I nod. She flashes me one last smile, and then she's gone…through those steel doors, back into the real world, back to life…and I'm lead back to my cell, to a world of my lonely thoughts, to a non-existent life…

If it hadn't been for the arrest, I would have been in America by now! Marie was flying back out there over Christmas, to see her family and old home and she invited me to go with her. As I was going to be flying out to Washington, anyway, I figured I could make it a two-centre holiday. Perhaps even introduce Marie to Emma, if she'd have had enough room for both of us in her flat! I never invited Emma here for Christmas actually…I should have done, they take it really seriously here! It just seems a bit unfair that the first time she comes to visit _me_ is when I'm in bloody prison!

...back to my earlier point, I'm not sure I ever _fell _for Marie. She was-she was a good friend, someone to talk to. We understood each other, we connected…platonically more than romantically. Yes, there was a time when I really did like her as much more than a friend, but I don't think it would have ever progressed. I don't think she wanted a relationship. She had…issues, problems from her past that she never quite came to terms with. I tried to help, of course I did, but I think the only person who could help her was…her. I never got the full story on her past…her husband, her son, she never wanted to talk about it. All I ever found out was that she was widowed and had had her son at a very young age-eighteen.

'We were in love,' she'd told me. 'It seemed right at the time.' Then she swiftly moved on to concocting a poison from some of the leaves of one of her plants and I left her alone after that! To be honest, I don't think she ever _stopped _loving her husband. Maybe you never do with the love of your life…it was quite a reality check for me. It made me do some serious thinking…and that's when I realised, I couldn't have fallen for Marie, not properly…we had a brief sexual encounter and that was it. She was just my good friend Marie, who taught me more than I ever thought possible…

I-I think I love her…Lara. I think about her and I light up, I remember my time at the Manor, and I literally ache for missing her. I think of her beautiful features, and I wish she were right in front of me, so I could take her in my arms…and kiss her, hold her…Is that love? Emma told me it is…I miss Lara so much. I love everything about her, she's special, she's unique, she's beautiful inside and out. If she was here right now, exactly as she is, however she may be…I wouldn't change a thing about her. I'd take her in my arms and let her know how much I love her…

But even if I wasn't in prison, I shouldn't allow myself such thoughts. They're mere fantasies, nothing else. Even if I was in England, it would be inappropriate, she would be my employer! That's all she can ever be…she's too…I don't deserve her. I love her…but I can never have her.

"Alles in Ordnung?" **(9)** my inmate asks as I enter the cell.

"Ja," I reply. "Ich bin toll." **(10)**

I climb up to his bunk and stare once again out the window, knowing that somewhere out there, is possibly the love of _my _life…Lara…

_I know I'm just piling up more work, but I figured you deserved this, cos let's face it, the last chapter was crap! And I know you still haven't forgiven me for the Alister/Lara break-up, so this is also like a tribute to them! Please review!!! lolx_

_A/N Translations are below; 2-7 are from French and the rest are from German_

**(1) **"Merry Christmas to me"-Frohe Weihnachts zur mich

**(2) **"What would you like to drink?"-Qu'aimeriez-vous boire?

**(3) **"A cappuccino, please"-Un cappuccino, s'il vous plait

**(4) **"Large or small?"-Grand oû petit?

**(5) **"Large, please"-Grand, s'il vous plait

**(6) **"Sorry, but we don't serve cappuccinos"-Désolé, mais nous ne servons pas le cappuccino plus

**(7) **"Could you repeat that, please?"-Répéter, s'il vous plait?

**(8) **"You've got a visitor!"-Du hast eine Besucherin!

**(9) **"Everything all right?"-Alles in Ordnung?

**(10) **"Yeah, I'm great"-Ja, ich bin toll


	20. Confidences

_Disclaimer: Claiming ownership isn't as much fun as it used to be. Now I'm just getting bored of going up and begging them and/or pointing a gun at them_

_The Third Demi-God: Yes, so would I, and yes. Now, about Kurtis...I know you want to brutally beat him, but could it wait, do you think? I'm gonna write him out briefly soon anyway, so you can mess up his pretty face then (Kurtis gives me a worried look Me: Don't worry, I'll make sure she goes easy on you...or just buy you enough make-up to hide the bruises) Anyways, now that's done-thanks 4 reviewing lolx_

_Team-chaser: You let me down-you've kept up an impressive record of being first to review, but you let me down! I condemn you to having all plushies taken from your care! (Team-chaser does dramatic 'nooo!') That aside, I know what you mean-I wrote it but even I feel like I understand Alister a bit better...(shrugs)-thanks 4 reviewing lolx_

_Tango Fever: Aw, thanks lol-I LOVE getting new reviewers...I said that a bit too enthusiastically, didn't I? Yes, um (clears throat) lovely comments and thanks 4 reviewing lolx_

_A/N-Not too much here! Just 1: For those who were interested (which is seemingly none of you (frowns)) Marie wasn't just some random character I threw in-she has a lot of significance, which will come up MUCH MUCH later! I just had to tell you that...and 2: Happy New Year! Oh and 3: This carries on from the 18th chapter

* * *

_

_Lily's POV_

You know, it's kinda weird to be back here. Because I was travelling a lot, I haven't actually been here a few weeks. It's weird staying in one place again. I mean, before, I was literally travelling the globe-I went to Australia, Bolivia, Africa and loads of other places in like, less than three weeks!

James is glad to be back. I guess five-star hotels just aren't as good as your average huge apartment on Fifth. I mean, let's face it, he was only doing all this for Amanda. If it had been up to him, he wouldn't've left the city-he loves it here. He's a very…homey guy, if you get what I mean.

He was so happy to be back, he literally threw a party! He claimed it was a belated birthday party for me, but the guy just loves parties. Still, I thought it was cool. I didn't really do anything for my birthday, as I'm sure you guessed. You know, I reminded him about it on the _day_, but I think he still forgot! He only remembered when Dee and everyone gave me all my gifts when I went to see them a couple of days after we got back. He had this weird guilty look on his face. I was like 'it's okay' but he said 'no, it's not' and organised this!

I gotta admit, it was really great. His apartment was like, unrecognisable. He likes to have things neat and tidy (he is such a woman sometimes), and there were balloons, food, streamers and a nasty vomit stain in the carpet, and he didn't even bat an eyelid. He was all 'why do you think I have a maid?' I just laughed.

It was on the same day Kurtis called, actually. I was so exhausted after the party, and then I get a call at four-thirty. I sorta snapped at him-although nowhere near as dramatically as I usually would, I was too tired-but he didn't mind. He can be so sweet sometimes. And he did remember my birthday-obviously he couldn't _do _anything, he was in Bolivia, but he did call me.

I think he must have tried to get through to me before, though. When I got back to New York, I checked my cell out of impulse, and there was a missed call, from the same number Lara used to try and get through to me before. I'm just guessing it was Kurtis…I'm not even gonna let myself imagine it was Lara…

Suddenly, my cell phone rings. I check my bed, where I usually keep it-where is it? Damnit! I check behind the bed, under it, under the sheets-it's not here!

"Lil, your phone's ringing!" James calls from the kitchen. Thank you, James, I would never have guessed. I look around the room again. "Well are you gonna come answer it or what?"

"I don't know where it is!"

"Through here!" he calls back. Right, yeah, I set it to charge, the battery was too low. I go through to the kitchen, where I see the cook making lunch and James sitting at the table, a cappuccino in his hand. He indicates to my cell on the table. A number I don't know flashes on the screen-oh wait, it's probably Kurtis. It looks right. I answer as I go back to my room.

"Hello?" I say hurriedly, begging him not to have hung up.

"Lily?" someone sounding very not like him says.

"Yeah," I answer, feeling a little confused. What, do they think they've got the number wrong? I'm about to ask who's calling, when;

"Can we talk?" they ask quietly. Who the heck is this?!

"Who is this?" I ask. There's an awkward silence. Well, what are you waiting for? Got a touch of amnesia?

"Your mother-" they say, and I hear a weird static sound.

"Who-?" I gasp as I realise. Shit, no it can't be. "Lara? Is that you?" I say almost desperately. I hear nothing, then the sound of a line going dead. No, no; "Lara? Lara, are you there? Lara, if you're there, please talk to me now. Lara? Lara!"

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"Your mother," I eventually reply, awaiting her response. For a moment I don't hear anything, but then I hear very loud static. Shit-!

_Calm down, Lara-it's a trans-Atlantic call, it's inevitable!_

"Who-? Lara, is that you?"

"Yes," I say confidently. Then suddenly, I hear the sound of a line going dead. What the- "Lily? Lily, are you there? Lily, talk to me!" I beg. "Lily!"

Shit, shit, shit! The bloody thing must have cut off! I hurriedly redial the number, and anxiously wait for the line to connect. "Come on, come on, come on," I say impatiently.

"_Hey, sorry, not available right now. But, I can promise I'll get back to you if you leave a message-unless I don't know you and/or don't leave me a number! Okay, bye!"_

Bloody hell! Engaged again! What if she's trying to get through to me? What if she tried at the same time as me and _I_ was engaged? Maybe I should leave the line clear…unless she has the same idea, which would be just typical!

All right, all right…I'll leave it clear for a while, and call her back later if she doesn't call me…unless she hung up. What if she did hang up on me deliberately? She found out who I was and didn't want to talk to me…? Not that I'd blame her, of course. I haven't been very nice to her, have I? Some of the things I said…I'm surprised she even came to England! I'm surprised she came to the hospital!

Oh, she did come, didn't she? Even Rutland was there! She'd been there the whole time, just like Alister. Apparently she hardly left my side…and I told her I didn't want her in my life…

"Lara?" I look up.

"Kurtis," I smile.

"Everything okay?" I'm about to answer when, suddenly, the phone rings. I literally jump up, feeling the adrenaline pump around my body, feeling my heart in my stomach, hearing the blood rush through my ears-

"Hello?" I say, hoping, pleading desperately-

"Oh, hello," a Cockney voice says. "Um, is Alister there?" I sigh, feeling disappointment begin to rise.

"Yes he is," I tell her. "I'll put you through."

"Cheers, Lara." Lara? What the-since when did she call me Lara?

I press the button that automatically transfers it to the library-I'm just guessing that's where he'll be-and put the receiver down. I take a long, deep sigh.

"You okay?" Kurtis asks. I jump a foot in the air-I forgot he was here!

"Yes," I nod.

"Listen-" we both begin at the same time. I smile. "You first," I say.

"Ladies first," he smirks. Fine-if that's what you want.

"I was just…" I falter. "It doesn't matter."

"You sure?" I nod. He shrugs.

"Your turn."

"I was just gonna say-it was about Alister," he begins, but then stops, as though worried how it'll affect me. I nod, prompting him to go on. "Look, the guy's upset and confused right now, okay, so don't take to heart what he said."

"Did I ever tell you-?" He looks guilty. "You read my bloody mind again!"

"I'm sorry, but it's so hard not to! You have a really loud mind!"

"Reading doesn't require sound, Kurtis!" I snap, walking away from him.

"You know what I meant," he argues feebly.

"That's not the point, Kurtis! There is a_ reason_ normal people don't read minds! Because there are _some _things they like to keep to themselves!"

"Like what?" I exhale angrily at his stupidity.

"After reading my mind God knows how many times, you still don't know that answer?!" He doesn't say anything. He knows…oh, he knows. I shake my head and walk out of the room.

_What is it I'm supposed to know, Lara? _he whispers in my mind.

Piss off, Kurtis! Just get _out _of my head!

He knows quite well what it is…

* * *

_Alister's POV_

The phone's ringing. Why won't someone bloody answer it?! For God's sake, there are enough phones in this house!

After two minutes and no-one answers, I sigh loudly and pick it up. "Hello?!" I say angrily.

"Blimey, what's got you?" a familiar voice drawls. Marina.

"Oh, hi, Marina," I mutter.

"You all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I say vaguely. "What-shit, are you all right?"

"Eh?"

"Your mum-are you, do you want to talk about it?"

"Oh, um, I'd rather not," she says uncomfortably. "It's still a bit…sensitive." I nod, but then realise she probably can't see me!

"Of course," I agree.

"Alister, can we talk?"

"Yes, of course. Do you want to come over?"

"If that's all right?"

"Of course it is," I tell her. "And even if it's not, well…let's just say Lara owes me one-big time!"

"Why, what happened?" she asks bemusedly.

"Nothing important," I say. "Be here in an hour?"

"Um, I'm actually only on my break right now," she tells me. "But, I can come once my shift ends if that's all right?"

"Of course," I say obviously. "I'll see you later."

"Cheers, Alister," she says gratefully. "You're a bloody star."

"That's all right," I smile.

"I should go, but, I'll see you in about two and a half hours, yeah?"

"Absolutely."

"See you."

"Bye, Marina." I put the phone down and sigh. I can't believe that only yesterday I was looking to dump her! Now I'm inviting her over for what sounds like a very deep and emotional heart-to-heart. I wouldn't expect anything less, seeing as her mum's just died. Poor thing. I'm surprised she's still working. Don't they have emotional leave or something these days? Maybe she's just trying to be strong about it…

…but even so, she's grieving! I might not know a lot about how the NHS works these days, but they couldn't let a bereaved professional work with critical patients, could they? She's in intensive care, she needs to be on top form at all times!

On the other hand, is she just an intensive care nurse? Not many ICU nurses I know would even be _asked _to work on the Children's Ward! Maybe she's a general nurse-there are such things, right? They don't need to be specialised, do they? She must be a general nurse…

Anyway, that's beyond the point. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. I'm assuming that's why she rang up. One thing's for certain…it's a bloody good thing I never got the chance to break up with her…

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"Hey, Lara," Zip greets as he comes into courtyard. I smile at him, then look back to the fountain. It's a statue of Athena, but actually, it reminds me of someone else…at the front of it is a plaque, memorialising my parents. It was a 'housewarming' gift from my dear Uncle Errol, a 'congratulations for being granted all my father's titles.' I was never granted his bloody titles, I never wanted the damn things! He'd basically resented me because I won the legal battle for rights to Croft Manor. The titles were offered, but I never accepted them. They were father's and father's only. Let me tell you something, if he'd won, he _would _have been offered my father's titles, and I've no doubt the greedy shit would have taken them! He always was jealous of him-the titles, the successful marriage, the child…well, I'm probably not much to brag about now, am I? "How have you been?" he asks awkwardly.

"You've been here, Zip-surely you should know the answer?" I smirk. He shrugs. I sigh. We haven't done this in a long time…I suppose it would be awkward. "Well, aside from everything that's happened in the past two and a half months, I've been fantastic," I say. "Yourself?"

"We're not here to talk about me."

"That doesn't mean I can't be civilised." He shrugs. "Why did you want to talk?"

"Lara, in the past two and a half months, you've discovered it was your ex best friend who sent your mother to Avalon, had some weird girl show up who's obviously affected you, been in a coma, tried to commit suicide, had some guy you presumed dead show up and then lost the best thing that ever happened to you because of it," he replies. "I'd be pissed off, too." I look back at the statue again. The stone has been chipped away and eroded over the years, where the water's hit washed over it. This really is more like me than I thought-perfectly together at first glance but worn around the edges, ruined. "Lara?" he asks concernedly, and I hear him come up behind me. I try to contain the sob that's desperate to escape, but before I know what's going on, a huge lump forms in my throat, and I have to open my mouth, and start openly crying. "Hey, honey," he soothes, taking me into his arms comfortingly.

I start shaking as I let the sobs come out in full flow.

"That's a hell of a lot to resolve," I mutter after a few minutes. I hear him snort. "I don't even know where I'm going to start."

"Well, you could talk about it," he suggests. "That's why we're here, right?" I nod. We're now sitting on the fountain edge, and he's got his arm around me. I think back to a time when it was me and Alister sitting here…not by the fountain, but next to a memorial, him comforting me. I let out another small sob as I remember. "Hey, Lara," he soothes, pulling me closer. "Shh. It's okay."

"I miss him, Zip," I say thickly. "He was so…so perfect. And I don't blame him, I know it's not his fault, but I-I-don't want it to-be-over!"

"Have you told him that?"

"Of course I have! He doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't love me anymore," I sob.

"Lara, I'm sure that's not true," he says desperately. "He was just…angry."

"He's loved me for four years! How could he be so cruel?!" Zip doesn't say anything to that, but instead wraps both arms around me comfortingly. "He…he was willing to listen. I know you do, don't get me wrong, but it was…different."

"I know what you mean," he whispers. "I'm your confidante, and you're mine. It's just kinda nice to confide in someone else sometimes."

"Yes. Yes, that was exactly it. I told him things I've never told you," I say. He looks surprised.

"Really? Like what?" he asks. I shake my head. I've already told one person about it, I can't go through it again. "That's fine. You just say what you want." That's the great thing about Zip. He doesn't care how long you take, he doesn't care if you don't want to say anything. He'll be there for you, in any way shape or form. It doesn't matter, what it is, he'll be there! Just like Alister was…just like Alister…just like… "Hey, Lara?" I look up, to indicate he has my attention. "How did it even happen?"

"What?"

"You and Alister. How did it even happen?"

"Oh," I say, then smile as I remember. I give a small snort. It was so sudden, I was caught off-guard, but it was also so sweet and so…romantic.

"It was right after my…attempt," I begin. He nods. "I'd had a nightmare, and it was really early, so I came down to the library, to look for the scrolls. I don't know why, I just got back to thinking about that night, and I remembered something he'd said…that he loved me, so much and that I couldn't die, because I'd come so far." I smile sadly as I remember again. "Then he came in, and I figured, if it was true, I couldn't just let it go, and even if it wasn't, he's Alister, he's not the type to take the piss-"

"Why were you looking so pointedly at me?" he asks, though smirking.

"In the middle of the story, Zip," I mock reprimand. He mouths 'sorry' and I continue; "Anyway, I asked him about it, and…he admitted it. He admitted that he loved me, had done for four years, and then he leant down and kissed me. It was so…sweet I just had to kiss him back. It went on from there. We ended up in bed, and…we didn't want to stop there."

"Aw, that's so cute," he gushes. "No, really, that's so cute! And that he was man enough to admit it-!"

"I know, that surprised me as well," I agree. "And that he was man enough to love _me_ and not my wealth… He was…he was everything I could have ever asked for-no, he was more! He was…he was _Alister_, the first person that I've been involved with and felt truly safe with, like he'd never let me down." He nods. "And he did really love me. He killed for me, he waited those numerous times for me to wake up…he was so patient, caring…loving. It's-oh, this will sound soppy-but it's as if, whenever he looked down at me with that passion, it's almost as if it was so strong, I felt like I was feeling it back for him."

"I have never heard you talk like that before, Lara, and I've seen you get really passionate about things!"

"Yes, well, while artefacts are all very nice and beautiful, they don't make as much a statement as someone who…there aren't even any words! It was _that_ good, that perfect, at times, it literally left me speechless!"

"Yeah-it must have been good if you're calling your artefacts 'all very nice and beautiful'." I smirk and hit him playfully. He can be a right prat sometimes.

"But now…" I start again, thinking of Kurtis. "I've lost it all. I finally had the power to honestly admit that I loved him too…and I've lost it all. Because of one mistake, I've lost it! I've lost _him!_" Zip pulls me closer, but I don't cry. I feel a huge pang in my heart, and a lump form in my throat, but I don't cry…I don't cry.

"You really love him, don't you?" I nod.

"Yes," I say. "I love him. And if everything I listed wasn't enough, there's still more! He never once pushed me into anything. It was me who initiated half of it! Even the first time we slept together, it was me who took him to the bed…he really didn't care what we did, just so long as he was with me, because that was enough."

"Was it enough for you?" he asks. I nod.

"It was. I was happy that he was happy to just do the small things, like just making out or even just cuddling. He never tried to pressure me into anything."

"I don't know wanna make things worse, but he sounds like the perfect boyfriend," Zip mutters. I look up at him, a questioning, uncertain yet amused expression on my face. Zip looks longing and distant. "For you!" he corrects himself quickly. "For you."

"It's all right, Zip, we're not together anymore. If you've got a crush on him, you can just say," I smirk. He shrugs. "If you knew for a fact he was gay and single, what would you do?" He shrugs again.

"I dunno," he says thoughtfully. "He's cool and _so _much fun to wind up!" I giggle. "Yeah, I don't-I dunno. I've never really thought about if before. You know, I mean he's Alister, he's…he's Alister!" I laugh.

"Careful," I warn. "You're starting to sound like how I felt after he told me he loved me." He smiles down at me. I try to smile back, but it's feeble. I snuggle up to him and look to the distance.

"Lara, why did you guys break up?" he asks.

"You were there, Zip, I told you everything."

"Yeah, but…why?"

"I cheated. He found out and lost his temper. It's no more than I could have expected. I don't blame him at all," I say, almost defiantly. I don't know why-I know Zip is extremely loyal, but even _he_ can't argue that I didn't bring this on myself.

"Yeah, but it musta been really harsh," he mutters.

"Isn't every break-up?" He shrugs.

"I dunno, I mean I've had some pretty shit break-ups, but I've never broken down in tears like you did. Not even in private, you know. I was upset, but…you were hysterical." I shrug, trying to act nonchalant.

"I suppose in a way it caught me by surprise," I admit. "I didn't really expect him to do it, to really break up with me. After everything we've been through, everything he's said…and I said I loved him. Don't get me wrong, Zip, I didn't think for one second it could be go back to normal, be 'happy and perfect' again, but I really did think he'd want to try and make this work! I thought…I thought I meant that much to him. Look basically, I thought a lot of things, and they apparently weren't true!"

"He'd take you back in a second if he knew all this," Zip says.

"I told him I loved him. If that wasn't enough, would everything I just said be? I love him, and…I want to be with him. But he doesn't want me, Zip-that's the point. He doesn't want me anymore. I'll just have to make my peace with it."

* * *

_Alister's POV_

_She's standing opposite me, tears running slowly down her redder than usual cheeks. She has blood on her fingers and her fringe is bathed in blood. What's happened to her?! That sight makes me want to dash to her and take her in my arms-_

"_Alister, what have you done?" she whispers in a terrified tone, looking directly past me. I turn around and see…me! Except I'm different. Not physically, exactly, I just look…menacing, sinister. I see that those hands, too, have blood smeared on them…her blood._

"_You brought this on yourself," a voice that's not mine says cruelly. I spin back to face her, wondering what she's going to say, feeling excited yet dreading it at the same time. "Have you no words, Lara Croft?" I turn to face the other me, but find he's no longer there. I spin around again, and see him standing directly behind her. He cups her chin roughly from behind and tilts her head backwards. She looks terrified._

"_Alister?" she says in a strained voice. He sneers, and pushes her sharply forwards so she falls to the floor. No, stop, this is enough! You've done enough! He crouches down beside her, and she tries to crawl away, but he grabs her hair roughly, and pulls her so she's lying on her back. I continue to watch through morbid fascination, with horror starting to envelope its way around my chest. 'Don't do anything to hurt her,' I beg silently, closing my eyes. I hear a sharp shriek and they snap open._

_He's straddling her and slapping her viciously around the face, and striking her head so hard I can hear the impact of flesh-on-bone! Stop it, stop it! Leave her! She's suffered enough! "Alister, please!" she begs._

_She continues to scream as he continues to hit her violently. "Stop!" I shriek, running to help her, when he delivers the final blow…he punches her on her head where there is already a nasty wound gushing out blood, and her screams stop and her fighting ceases…he's killed her!_

_I watch him lean down and kiss the top of her head gently. "Perhaps it's a good thing you were knocked out," he whispers menacingly. She's just unconscious…she's not dead. Lara…_

"Alister?!" someone shouts. My eyes snap open, awakening from the dream. What was that? "Morning, Alister," someone smiles down at me. I blink to try and force my eyes to focus, and they connect with a pair of sparkling brown eyes. Lara… "D'you sleep well?" she asks. I nod vaguely. That doesn't sound like Lara.

Wait, how can it be Lara? We broke up, we-

"Thanks for listening last night," she says in a strong Cockney accent. "You made me feel a lot better. In more ways than one." Marina.

Marina, of course, Marina! I remember now. She came over because she was upset and wanted to talk, and like all romance movies, it led to a kiss and…well…I don't need to be _too _elaborate, do I? In a nutshell, she stayed the night. And what a night-I'm still a bit weak! And you know what, Marina and I have far more in common than Lara and I ever did. We both…have black hair!

Well, all right, maybe not, but opposites attract, don't they? Marina's right for me-we appreciate each other, we don't take the other for granted. I feel like I can truly relax in her company. With Lara, I was always worried of upsetting her, because let's face it, it's become easy to do recently! And I'd never need to worry about her cheating-she seems the type to stay faithful. I can trust her…

"Well, I should probably make a move," she smiles.

"I don't think so," I smirk. "No lady should come into my room without being…lavished."

"Ooh, what you got in mind?" she says seductively.

"Breakfast in bed, with maybe a glass or two of champagne to…get us in the mood?" I suggest, pulling her down onto the bed. She giggles and leans down to kiss me. I roll her over and nibble her lower lip as our lips meet again. She happily complies, giggling. "I'll be back with that breakfast. Meanwhile you just-"

"Get comfortable?" she smiles. I smirk and nod, pulling on a robe. I go back to the bed and peck her briefly.

"Back in a bit," I promise, and leave.

As soon as I've closed the door behind me, I lean against it and take a deep breath. What the hell was I doing? She came over to talk about her newly deceased mother and I take her to bed! There is something genetically wrong with me, there must be.

I did have a good time, though…and she does seem to be feeling much better. She's not the type of girl to stick with things out of politeness, if she didn't want to, she would have said something. As a matter of fact, it was her who kissed me first!

* * *

"_Thanks for listening," she sniffs, smiling. I've got my arm around her and we're leaning against my bed._

"_Hey, it's no problem," I tell her. "It's what boyfriends are for, right?" Boyfriend?! Where did that come from? I was aiming to dump her only two days ago! She emits a small laugh._

"_Yeah," she nods. "Some of them can be right bastards, though." She turns to look at me. "I'm glad you're not one of them, Alister," she smiles. Oh believe me, I am. "You're one of the rarities," she continues. She moves closer. "You're different…" She pauses for a minute and then places her lips on mine. I start to respond but then push her away. "What's wrong?"_

"_Well, it's just. I'd feel I was taking advantage," I say uncomfortably. "What with-"_

"_Alister, please don't define me by my problems," she says. "Okay, so this might not be the best idea, but so what? It wouldn't matter to other guys."_

"_Well, didn't you just say I wasn't like them?" I say, looking deadly serious. She looks at me questioningly, then starts giggling as she realises I'm having her on._

"_I knew it," she says mysteriously. "You're not what you seem, Alister Fletcher."_

"_Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" She touches her finger to my lips, and leans in to kiss me again._

"_Judging from what I'm feeling," she whispers. "I'd say it was a very good thing."_

You can't tell me you'd have said no? I needed to move on eventually, didn't I? This is only the beginning.

You can stop giving me that look. Lara moved on pretty bloody quickly, didn't she, yet no-one's judging _her_ for it! She's got Trent to keep her warm at night, and I have Marina.

"Hey, Alister," someone calls. I look up and see Zip standing in the corridor ahead of me.

"Morning, Zip," I mutter. He comes closer, and looks me up and down. What's he doing? "Uh, Zip?"

"Isn't that my robe?" he asks. I look down at it and shrug.

"First one I grabbed," I mumble. "I'll give it back after it's been washed."

"No, hey, I was just wondering. Thought you might have been trying to tell me something," he smirks, making eyes. I give him 'the look' which just causes him to laugh. "It is so easy getting you with that," he smirks.

"Bye, Zip," I brush him off.

"No, wait, I actually wanted to talk to you," he says. I sigh.

"If it's about Lara, you can forget it, I'm not interested-"

"Who said it was about Lara?" he queries.

"Everything's about bloody Lara in this house!"

"Well, it's her house-"

"We all live here, too, Zip," I point out. "If it's something to do with Lara, we're all expected to just jump up and resolve the matter. If it's about anyone _but _Lara Croft, well…" I leave my sentence to trail off. He sighs.

"As a matter of fact it was about Lara-" I exhale a laugh, thinking 'typical'. "-and you!" he finishes.

"What about us?" I ask stupidly.

"You know what I mean, Alister-you and Lara."

"What about it? It's over, there's nothing to discuss-"

"Are you telling me you don't love her anymore?" he says out of the blue.

"What did you just say?" I ask after a long pause.

"Are you telling me you don't love-?"

"Wait, love? What gave you that idea?"

"She told me," he shrugs. That stupid, pitiful bitch. "Actually, wait, it was Emma. Yeah, she told me the night you broke up. Apparently you were a wreck-"

"And I suppose you and Lara had a good old laugh about it, did you?!"

"Dude, no, no, trust me, you don't laugh when Lara gets like she did."

"And how was that exactly?"

"Honestly? A wreck! She was hysterical, she couldn't do anything for herself-"

"No change there, then."

"That was unnecessary, Alister," he sighs, sounding almost disappointed. Well, sod him. Just because he can't accept that it's over between me and Lara!

"Look, was there something you wanted, Zip, because as much as I love talking about that cheating little bitch, I do have other things to be getting on with!" I sigh. He gives me an odd look. He scrunches his eyebrows together, still staring at me. What in the name of hell is he doing?

"You still love her, don't you?" he says out of the blue. What?!

"Excuse me?"

"You still love her."

"What, no I don't! I never really _loved _her, I-"

"Dude, your sister told me you've been in love with Lara for four years." I shrug.

"Well, it doesn't matter, because it's done now," I sigh, moving to try and get past him, but he blocks me. "For God's sake, Zip! Will you just leave it?!"

"No!"

"Why?! This has nothing to do with you!" I yell.

"Because when my best friends breaks down because she loves you and she thinks you don't love her, I gotta intervene!"

"You're just exaggerating-"

"No, I'm not, Alister," he says calmly. "I'm not usually one to go blurting this sorta stuff out, you know, but…if you guys love each other-"

"Love?! She cheated! Even if she did love me at one point, she rid those feelings when she slept with Trent!" I say shrilly. Why am I getting so worked up about this? It's nothing, she's noth- "I mean, come on, who can blame her really? It was bloody stupid of me to think for _one _second that someone like her would _ever _want to be with someone like me! She's…beautiful, she's strong, she's fucking perfect! And what am I? Just a lame loser with cheap clothes and…a bloody geek," I finish quietly. "Look, just-just piss off, Zip, I don't want to deal with this now!"

"Alister, no! Don't run away from this! She loves you, damnit!"

"How could she?" I ask determinedly, trying to hide the fact that behind my glasses, my eyes are already becoming moist with tears. I try to blink them away, but it just triggers more. "How can you ever really know if someone means it when they say they love someone?"

"Because I saw it in her eyes. Besides, she's never told anyone she's loved them before."

"Now you're just being ridiculous-" but he shakes his head.

"Alister, you still love her, I know you do. You fell in love four years ago, and trust me from experience, you don't stop loving them over one mistake."

"Mistake?! She cheated!"

"It was a mistake, Alister, she-"

"Knew perfectly well what she was doing! I saw it in her eyes, Zip! She knew _exactly_ what she was doing!" He doesn't say anything. It seems even loyal Zip has nothing to counter it.

"Do you think you could ever forgive her?" he asks suddenly. I stop.

"Forgive her?" I repeat incredulously. He nods earnestly. "For what? For cheating on me? For breaking my heart?"

"Yeah," he nods. I exhale a laugh of disbelief and shake my head. This bloke is unbelievable sometimes!

"I knew you could be funny, Zip," I smirk, placing a hand on his shoulder. "But that was a scream."

"Dude, I'm serious," he says, looking confused.

"Stop it, you're going to make me burst out laughing in a minute!"

* * *

_Zip's POV_

"Alister-" I say. What is this guy on? He just starts laughing, literally doubling up. Okay-I knew he was weird but this is a little OTT. He looks up and I can see he's got tears in his eyes. My God, what is he on crack? No, no…I've only got marijuana in the house now. I guess he musta found some…don't tell Lara, she disapproves…unless she wants one herself.

"I mean, all she did was break my heart into a million tiny pieces!" he continues, still laughing like a damned maniac. "But hey, let's just kiss and make up over a bottle of champagne!" He starts laughing even harder. I shake my head, and I can't even look at him right now. I'm about to walk away, when I hear a weird sound. I turn around and see him struggling with himself. "All she did was break my heart," he repeats, but in a much different voice. "She broke my bloody heart." He blinks and I notice a tear run down, then another.

"Oh, hey, come on, dude," I say stupidly. And yes, I do realise it's not very helpful but I'm not used to dealing with _Alister _crying! I thought he was kinda devoid of it to be honest…yeah, like _now's _the time for humour!

"Sorry," he mutters, wiping the tear away. "Got a bit carried away there."

"No, it's okay," I tell him. "You miss her."

"Miss her? I don't _miss _her, what's there to miss?"

"Uh, everything you just described?"

"And what was that?"

"Uh…she's beautiful, she's strong, she's fucking perfect?" I suggest. Alister sighs and shakes his head. "Look, you miss her, and I _know _she misses you! Come on, you guys were great together!"

"You didn't even know we _were_, Zip, so how could you possibly judge that?" I shrug.

"She just…seemed happier over the last three weeks," I say. "So did you, for that matter."

"What do you mean, I'm always happy. I never have any problems," he argues. I raise my eyebrows sceptically, but he doesn't pick up on it. "You know, this isn't any of your business, Zip, so I really don't know why you're bothering-just forget it, Zip. It's over, accept it. She cheated, she ended it, not me! I'll admit I may have been a bit harsh when I ended it, but she brought it on herself by sleeping with Trent."

"Dude, what did you say?" I ask suddenly. How 'harsh' was he exactly? He looks confused. "What did you mean by 'harsh'?" He looks uncomfortable.

"She must have told you," he mumbles. I shake my head. "Look, I can't even remember, I was angry. Wouldn't you be, if the one you'd fallen in love with went and made you feel like you couldn't love them anymore?"

"I dunno, I'm not so good at the love thing," I say off-handedly. He looks surprised. "What?"

"You're over forty and you've never been in love?" I shrug.

"Love's overrated," I mumble. "You get love from your family and friends-why should loving a woman-"

"Or in your case, a man," he interrupts.

"Or in my case, a guy," I correct, smirking. "Why should it be any different? It's the same as being married or in a relationship, except you say 'I love you' occasionally. I don't see the big deal."

"Clearly you've never been in love," he says, almost sadly. It's no big deal.

"Well, look at you!" I say. "You fell in love and now look what's happened. You guys are both too stupid to admit you still want each other! Well, you are anyway." He looks shocked, hurt. "I'm sorry. That was out of line," I say.

"No, you're right," he says quietly. Well, I wasn't expecting that-to be honest, I kinda expected him to like, hit me or something.

"Really?" I ask, kinda dumbstruck (for once). He nods.

"It really puts that philosophy-pain for pleasure-to the test. It's as if, when you love someone but you can't have them, it's an endless torture. But if you do get to be with the one you love, then…it's like an endless dream. But the reason it feels so good is because you had to go through shit to get there-one truly cannot exist without the other," he tells me, kinda in a daze.

"I've never heard it described quite like that," I say thoughtfully. But if you think about it, it does kinda make sense-

"Well, you wouldn't know," Alister smiles. "You've never been in love. I don't think anyone can quite appreciate until they've experienced the love of their lives."

"Is that who she is?"

"What?" He knows what I'm talking about.

"The love of your life," I clarify anyway.

"I don't know," he shrugs. "Do you ever really know the love of your life until you've lived your life? Until you're dead, can you ever truly look back and ascertain who the love of your life was?"

"I don't know," I remark. "Like you said, I've never been in love, so-"

"Well, look it doesn't matter," he says suddenly, forcefully. "Even if she was the love of _my_ life, I'm sure as hell not hers! I don't even know why I'm still here debating this with you! I've got to get our breakfast-"

"Our?" I repeat suspiciously.

"Yes, Ma-" he stops. Who's 'Ma?' Has his mom come to stay or something? Or is it a nickname for Emma?

"Who's 'Ma'?" I ask.

"Um…right, I forgot she left, didn't she?" he says uncomfortably. "Yes, really not with it, am I? Well, never mind, um, bye, Zip."

"Dude, what's got you so flustered?" I ask amusedly.

"Nothing, nothing. I'm not flustered, I'm fine, I-"

"Dude, you suck at lying."

"Oh, just…"

"Is this about Lara?"

"No! You know, not everything is about Lara bloody Croft in this house!" he rages, completely out of the blue. I raise my hands defensively, going 'woah'.

"What is _with _you?!"

"I've centered the last six years of my life around that woman, and look what I've ended up! Some sad bachelor with feelings of resentment towards the _one _person I thought I could _never_ hate! I'm a fucking wreck because of her, Zip, so could we please _not _talk about her for five minutes?!"

* * *

_Alister's POV_

"Okay," he agrees, to my surprise. I thought he'd start defending her again. "What _do _you wanna talk about?"

"Nothing!" I say, harsher than I intended. "Sorry, that came out firmer than it was meant." He shrugs.

"Dude, no offence to Lara, but you can't live with her for like, eight years, and take her little 'aggressively stated…phrases' seriously."

"Where did you learn that phrase?" I ask incredulously. He shrugs again.

"Alister, about Lara-" he begins.

"Oh Jesus," I sigh. He gives me a glare, but continues;

"You need to resolve this," he says.

"Resolve what?"

"That. You can't even hear her name without flinching! You know, as much as we sympathise, me and Winston live here, too, and we don't like the ugliness!" I don't say anything. "She really does miss you, you know."

"Winston and I," I correct silently. He gives me 'the look'. "Right now, Zip, I really couldn't care less," I say carelessly. "Some day, yes, we'll probably resolve this, but could you give us _some _time before we're expected to be best friends again?!" He nods.

"Okay, that's cool," he says. "Enjoy your breakfast, dude."

"Zip?" I call him back as he stalks off.

"Yeah?"

"It's not that I don't want to forgive her," I tell him truthfully. He turns around properly, to let me know I've got his full attention. "I just-I'm finding it a bit difficult, which I know is probably awful because I thought I loved her unconditionally…and I-I _do_ still love her." He looks pleasantly shocked. So am I…I never thought I'd be admitting it to anyone, least of all Zip!

"Well, why don't you tell _her_ that?"

"I can't," is all I grant him. I couldn't possibly explain that I love her, yet I can't forgive her, and that I'm scared of what I'd do if we were together for too long. I hate those feelings, but Zip's right-even hearing her name is enough to send a silent rage through my body. She affected my whole balance, and no-one responds to that well. "I just…can't."

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I feel better now, actually. Talking to someone really does help, you know. And Zip's been who you'd call my confidante for a while, so I feel completely comfortable talking to him about anything. Well, almost anything. There are some things you restrict to the ones who love you in a caring, romantic manner, like Alister…like Alister did.

I do miss him. I know it's only been a couple of days, but I miss him. I miss having him wrap his arms around me and kissing me from nowhere. I miss having someone to cuddle up to whenever I felt like it…I miss sharing my bed with him. It feels so cold and empty now…

Most of you have probably been wondering what's been going between Kurtis and I. Nothing, if you must know. After the way Alister and I broke up, I won't deny I haven't considered it, but if I did, it would only be on the rebound, and Kurtis deserves better than that. He hasn't tried to push the subject. I'm guessing the bitter experience last time has taught him to know better. I still don't blame him, of course I don't. He didn't know…I have every confidence he would have backed off completely if he'd known I was already with someone…the best thing that's ever happened to me, Zip called Alister. Well, everything feels like the best when it's happening, doesn't it? Only when it's over can you judge.

But I miss him…I do miss him. Doesn't that say something? I've always thought of myself to be able to get over things relatively quickly, with my mother- and possibly even Lily-excluded. Only recently have I found myself unable to cope with the smallest of things! For God's sake I tried to…because of…I can barely even remember why. It was just a bunch of tiny things added up, and it just drove me over the edge. It's like I said to Alister, I felt like I'd lost the meaning to everything, felt like I was meaningless, and I just couldn't cope with that on top of everything else…am I really weak for feeling that?

_Why does it matter so much to you if you are?_

I think the attempt was answer enough!

_You didn't do it because you thought you were weak!_

It contributed.

_No…you didn't like it that you thought you were weak enough to attempt it, but you never actually used weakness as a factor._

Well, if I had I would have tried a long time ago-

_Um, do you always talk to yourself like this or is it just since I came? _a voice interrupts. Oh, guess who.

And do you always listen into to other people's conversations with themselves or is it just since you got here? I retort.

_Well, since I got here…you're the only one I know who does it so loudly I can't help but tune in. _I smirk. I know he's smirking, too.

Well, better alert the media. Lara Croft is going insane!

_No, no, just as long as you keep your arguments in your head, you're fine._

You do such a good job of reassuring me, Kurtis.

"Well, someone's gotta," he says.

"What made you switch to vocals? I'm getting so fond of our in-head conversations," I smile, turning around to face him.

"Well, you might not mind going crazy, but not everyone's so cool about it, you know."

"I thought you said I wasn't crazy so long as I kept it in my head?" I remind him.

"See, the thing about reassurance is-it's not always true," he smirks that infamous smirk again. I smile, although I'm still not particularly happy with him butting into my mind…again. He's literally invading my privacy and it's just…odd the way I can talk to him from within my head.

"What have you been up to?"

"Oh, you know, ruining just about everything." I shrug. "Of course you haven't, Kurtis, I still love you, Kurtis," he mutters sarcastically.

"I never _loved _you, Kurtis," I remind him.

"You never denied it, either, though," he points out. I frown.

"When?"

"When we kissed-can't remember which time-I said 'tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away'. And your answer was-"

"'Do you love me?'" I finish for him. I remember. "To which you responded by brushing your lips against mine."

"Actions speak louder than words."

"Where did you learn that phrase?"

"When you're living in close quarters to people who talk proper, it's kinda hard not to pick it up," he shrugs.

"It must be if you're using the word 'quarters'," I smile.

"You keep under-estimating me," he says.

"You make it so easy," I state. He gives me a mock hurt look. "I do expressly hope you didn't forge that external facial expression with the intention of its success?" He frowns in confusion.

"Huh?"

"And the prosecution rests," I smirk triumphantly. He shrugs.

"You're insulting me, Lara."

"Well observed. Full marks."

"You're doing it again."

"Aw, does it bother you?" I mock.

"I dunno. You don't have to be so mean about it," he mutters sadly. Is he toying with me?

"I'm sorry, have I done something to upset you? Did I say something wrong?" I ask, mock seriously.

"It's not what you said, it's the way you said it," he mumbles. He's toying.

"That's a very feminine response," I tell him. "Or is there something Kurtis isn't telling us?"

"Well, you should know," he says mysteriously, catching my eye. "Did you feel anything…suspicious?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" I reply seriously. He laughs awkwardly, then mutters 'no'. I rest my case. I smile. He's such a plonker sometimes. "You're so daft sometimes," I tell him good-naturedly.

"Thank you," he replies with a stupid smile on his face. He acts like a gormless teenager at times, he really does. He's the sort of one you'd be friends with because he makes you laugh and it's so easy to take the piss because he wouldn't be sure if you were or not.

But he doesn't let himself be victimised-well, not often. If it's a case like Eckhardt who set out to kill him, personal experience tells me he won't be messed around with, but if it's just friends having a laugh, he'll stand for it.

I go closer to him and pull him into a friendly hug. "I knew you'd warm to me eventually," he mutters. I smile and emit a small laugh. We did have a good time together before…before we slept together. At one point, it felt like we were just friends, but then we had to kiss and complicate things again! And now because of that, things are damaged beyond repair for Alister and I…

I meant it when I said I wanted Alister-that if I'd had to choose, it would have been him. It would have been him…but he rejected me. He doesn't want me, he doesn't love me anymore…

I've only just realised Kurtis and I still have our arms around each other. He shifts uncomfortably as the fact seems to hit him, too. We look at each other, deep into the other's eyes…and find our faces inching closer until our lips meet in a tender kiss.

We break apart suddenly, pulling out of the embrace and look away from each other. "That was inappropriate," I say.

"Yeah, yeah," he agrees.

"It was just a spur of the moment thing."

"Absolutely," he agrees. Our eyes catch each other again, but we quickly look away.

"Why do we keep doing this?" I say, almost frustratedly.

"I don't know," he says. "But it keeps happening, doesn't it?" I nod.

"But it can't continue," I state. "I've only just broken up with Alister."

"Of course, sure, I get it, you need time to…move on."

"If I even _want _to move on," I mutter quietly, but he hears me.

"Well, yeah, that, too," he agrees.

"Am I being delusional?" I ask suddenly.

"For what?"

"For thinking that Alister would _ever_ want me back," I reply. He shakes his head.

"The guy loves you and he made it clear-you don't have that kind of love then just throw it away." I nod, hoping he's right. "But you know you can always talk to me, right?"

"Yes, except every time I do, we end up kissing," I point out.

"True," he admits. "But is that such a bad thing? I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you guys are broken up now. And I'm not saying you have to turn around and start dating me, but you shouldn't be feeling guilty for it."

"Kurtis, I am never going to _stop _feeling guilty for what we did! For what we did to Alister! It was low and cruel and-"

"Lara, you make it sound like we did it on purpose," he protests.

"Wasn't it? I knew I was involved with someone, I knew the potential it had, yet I still slept with you. It's infidelity no matter how you look at it."

"Yeah, but it doesn't make it deliberate," he argues. "It was…it was an impulse. I was attracted to you, you were attracted to me-"

"Which is bad enough!" I cut in. "I shouldn't have even had those feelings for you!"

"But you did-you couldn't help it, you never can help who you fall for. You gotta stop blaming yourself for how you feel, Lara, or you're gonna end up _very_ depressed!" I know, I've been there. "And that's just to put it nicely. You can't help how you felt, okay?"

"But I could have helped acting on them! Even Alister himself says I couldn't help how I felt, what bothered him was that I didn't have the responsibility to either control my feelings or end it with him first!" I tell him. "I never wanted to end it with him…" I trail off.

He nods understandingly and places a comforting arm around me, which I shrug off. "Sorry-" he begins.

"No, I just need to stop being mollycoddled," I assure him. "It's nothing to do with you, Kurtis, I just…need to be able to get over this on my own. I will, I know I will, it'll just take some time."

"You can talk to me, though," he tells me again.

"Thanks," I smile. "Except how about we skip the kissing?"

"Oh, I like that part."

"Typical," I mutter, though not hostily. "You always have to stir things up, don't you?"

"Hey, you know you love it," he grins, leaning down to peck me teasingly. I playfully punch him on the arm, but peck him back when he gives me that puppy-dog eye look.

"And that's the extent of our romantic relationship," I tell him, though smiling.

"Damn…I _guess _I could give the platonic thing a try," he says mock-thoughtfully.

"I should hope so," I laugh. "Because if you've never done that before, I imagine you had _very_ interesting teenage years!" He gives me a mysterious grin as he gets my drift.

"Well, to tell you the truth-" he begins.

"I don't want to know," I cut him off. He shrugs.

"I was just gonna say I've only done the platonic with one other woman, that's all," he tells me.

"Really? Oh, your mother," I work out.

"Okay, two…or lots more if we're counting everyone before my teens." I smile. "I haven't actually seen my mother since my teens," he says unexpectedly. Join the club…except I was nine.

"Why?" I asked. What a stupid question to ask! For God's sake, I'm in the same situation, I shouldn't be nosing about-

"I walked out when I was nineteen, haven't seen her since. My father you know about, of course. I'm guessing she was murdered as well."

"Kurtis, I'm sorry," I say, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"It was a long time ago."

"No, not that, because you can't even be certain. I think that's worse, in a way." He doesn't say anything. "Sorry, I'm not helping, just ignore me."

"It's okay. You're right, actually. I 'buried' her cos I figured it'd be easier than living in a false hope all my life. I figured it'd be easier to just let it go…in that sense anyhow." I nod. He means letting _her_ go, not the grudge he subsequently bore against Eckhardt…or Karel. He could have murdered them posing as Eckhardt like he did Werner.

It's only just come to my attention that Kurtis has never really spoken about his family before. I've only known him briefly, I suppose, but in that time, he's mentioned his father once. He's never mentioned his mother before. Maybe it's still a sensitive subject, seeing as he never really knew for certain if she was dead or not-they never found her body, just his father's. It didn't bode well for her, so, like he said, he'd have preferred to acknowledge her almost inevitable death rather than live in false hope. Like I did…well, it seems we have more in common than I thought.

* * *

_Kurtis's POV_

You know, it's nice when me and Lara have those little talks. I kinda like have her as a friend, you know? It's way less complicated than having her as a…what's the right word for this? Partner, I guess, except she seems more like a short-term type. I dunno, I just get that 'air' from her.

But anyway, I totally understand why she doesn't wanna get involved right now. I really think that break-up broke her heart. You know, I have come so close to just going up to that guy Alister and just talking to him, telling him he should really give Lara another chance, but I figure I could be making things worse. He might hit me for it, or worse, blame her for setting me up for it. And I don't want that-I like her a lot, and not just romantically. Like I said, I like having her as a friend as well.

It's been like, nearly a week since that 'talk' happened. We haven't kissed since, amazingly. Sometimes, it feels like all I wanna do is just kiss her, but I know I shouldn't. Besides, we have good talks-I'd hate to ruin our friendship over a little lust and loss of control. She's even given me permission to use the gym…I wasn't sure what the big deal was, but then Zip told me it was 'a great honour', and then rambled off about a time he apparently started working out without letting her know (or more to the point, her 'permission') and she just lost it. Unfortunately, she was right behind him at the time, and it got really awkward. Well, for him, anyway-I just tried to stop myself from laughing.

Hey, speak of the devil;

"You okay, Alister?" I call from behind the banister down into the hall below. He grunts in reply. Okay-slight hostility. "That's cool," I say loudly, but he doesn't even react. He's sitting in one of the armchairs and reading. "Whatcha reading?" I half-expect him to correct my grammar (he just seems the type), but he just holds up the newspaper. Yeah, like I can read it from here. I crouch and stick my head through the banister to get a closer look. Yeah, I know I could just go downstairs, but it'd be much harder for him to catch me if I have a head-start from up here! "World News," I read aloud. "Anything interesting?"

"Oh, lots of things," he replies. "Nothing that _you'd _understand, though." Could you _be _more pointed? I nod.

"Okay," I say. There's an awkward silence, until "Why don't you try me, I'm smarter than I look?" I pipe up.

"You must be to even know the word 'hostility'," he mutters. Did I say that out loud? Ooh, crap. My mind's leaking again. That always happens when I least want it to, it gets really annoying!

Sighing, I try to get up, but my neck just hits the banister! Oh right, my head's still through it. Good thing Alister didn't notice-I hate it when people are proved right about my so-called stupidity. I pull my head back through the banister, and…it gets jammed at my ears. I frown and try it again. Nope. I do this a few more times and I get stuck at my ears every time. Oh crap.

"Oh nuts," I say out loud. I let out an awkward laugh. "Hey, Alister, you don't think you could help me here, do ya?" He ignores me. "Alister?" He pushes the newspaper so it's right in front of his face. "Hey, come on, man, I'm stuck, I-" Wait a-his shoulders are shaking! He knew! He knew and now he's laughing! What is it with this guy?!

Oh good, now here comes Zip. That'll make things less awkward. He's whistling as he comes out from the pool house. He nods at Alister, and keeps on whistling. He looks up at me and nods. I nod back, and then he stops and does a double-take. I smile at him. "Hi," I greet, giving him a small wave.

"Are you stuck or-"

"No, no, Lara just decided she wanted me as her new trophy," I tell him. He shakes his head.

"That's not usually where she keeps the trophies," he smirks, trying hard to not laugh. Damnit.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny, now do you think you could take the piss out of Kurtis _after_ you've got him free?" I suggest.

He ignores me as he keeps on laughing. Great, now all I need is the damn butler to come through.

"Hey, Lara, great!" I greet as she comes through. She spots me straight away. "Do you think you could help me out here?"

"Well, I would…" she begins. "Only it's such expensive architecture." This has got everybody else laughing again, and the lady herself is giggling. I try to flop my head, but when it hits plain air, I decide against it.

"Lara?" someone's voice says quietly. She turns down to Alister and he holds out the newspaper. She takes it cautiously.

"'International Obituaries'," she reads in a confused tone. "Anything interest-" she stops as her eyes scan the page, growing more horrified and a little scared. "Oh," she whispers.

Suddenly, she drops the newspaper and runs out the way she came in. "Lara!" Alister calls after her and follows her out. What's going on?

"What happened?" Zip voices my thoughts and picks up the paper. He speed reads and mutters; "Oh shit!" and drops the paper and follows them out. What the hell happened?!...and I'm still stuck.

"Uh, guys?" I call. No answer. "Guys? Guys!"

* * *

Call me cruel, but I thought up the idea a while ago and it was so good, I just had to use it! (I'm talking about the head-stuck-in-banister thing) Also, I know this one's a little slow again, but I think it's better than the last, and the next one is much better! Anyway, you know the score-review and you'll get chocolates and plushies! Lolx! 13BlacKAnGELsxxx 


	21. Bolivia

_Disclaimer: It's probably a good thing I don't own it with the amount of time it's taken me to update!_

_Team-chaser: Now, what ploy would that be? (I actually don't know) And of course Marina's back-you know, to add dramatic tension, to give Alister some more romance...and to annoy you, of course...n about da plushies, I suppose you can have them back-unless you've already kidnapped them using your plushie-finder 300, which I wouldn't doubt-thanks 4 reviewing lolx_

_The Third Demi-God: Yes well, I got it thought of it when I was bored, and just thought I should get Kurtis's head in the banister, cos it's oddly amusing. And what's that about Final Fantasy??? You've got good taste, my friend. Good luck with the voodoo doll-thanks 4 reviewing lolx_

_jacob love: You and Team-chaser should get together and compare notes on how evil I'm being about Marina...hehe...btw, am really loving your story! And don't be so impatient-the chocs and plushies will always be with you in your heart-thanks 4 reviewing lolx_

_Sweet Christabel: First of all, love the name! Second, finally, someone who doesn't condemn me to death or beatings (looks at Team-chaser and The Third Demi-God) cos of the Kurtis/Lara pairing. And I'm just glad everyone's taken to the Alister/Lara pairing...ne-ways, yes I am a Doctor Who fan. When's it going to come back??? (coughs nervously) Yes-thanks 4 reviewing lolx_

_A/N Yes, I know it's been over a month since I last updated and I am SO sorry, but the dreaded writer's block hit me, and I rewrote this chapter like six times until I was happy with it! But anyway, it's done, so please R&R!

* * *

__Lara's POV_

I never expected this. Of all the people to…why her? She was-she was innocent! She never got involved with anything too drastic, meeting me that time was an exception. She-what could she have done to have made her a target? The obit's quite clear-death by gun-shot wound. I realise she doesn't live in the safest place in the world, but she was…she was innocent.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

When I read her name, I wasn't really sure what to think. I wasn't sure if my eyes were deceiving me, or if it was even the right person. The name can't be _that_ uncommon. If they hadn't added the photo, I may well have kept quiet-and not because I was trying to be malicious, but because I could have got her worked up over nothing.

Lara's been handling this surprisingly well, given how she's 'coped' with everything else that's happened recently. She hasn't cried, she's more in shock than anything. She can't understand it-nor can I, really. I mean, I never actually _knew _her, but I never got the impression from what Lara told us that she would have been a prime target for murder. It's how Lara sees it-murder. I'm not certain what to believe…it's just…another one of Lara's escapades. I don't need to understand them, I just need to know it's important to her and do what I can to help.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

They haven't held her funeral yet, which is a small strike of fortune for me. The police withheld her body for investigations. All those weeks…it's just been lying there, tampered with daily, not allowed to just rest!

I'm flying out immediately-they gave the date of her funeral in the obit-it's in two days. I almost missed it. Thank God for Alister reading that newspaper, or I would never have known! They wouldn't have thought to contact me, because she never kept any of my contact details. It would make me harder to find, and it would prevent her from being a target because of me. I never questioned it-I'm infamous and hated worldwide, so it made sense.

If it was because of me they targeted her, I'm not sure I could forgive myself…

"Lara?" Kurtis says.

"Sorry," I mutter, snapping out of my daydream. We're packing our stuff together-he's said he'll come to the funeral with me. I told him there's really no need, but he insisted. I shrugged it off. It's not like it'd cost either of us anymore-no more than for one private plane which is what I'd require anyhow. And…I think it would probably do me good to have some moral support there. I imagine at one point it would have been Alister jumping up and volunteering to accompany me, but he hasn't said a word since he showed me the article. He barely even said anything then, Zip did all the talking. Alister followed me, that's true, but he didn't say a single word. When I looked back at him and our eyes met, there wasn't hostility in them, which is what I half-expected. It was more…pity, which is just as bad. He's pitied me before, but never in such a way that he thinks I'm not going to get through this, I'm at the bottom…usually, it's 'you can get over this, you just don't see it' pity if you see what I mean.

* * *

_Alister's POV_

It's been so hectic here since. Lara and Trent are trying to pack as fast as they can, Zip's trying to book them private planes and Winston's…being Winston, I suppose. He's hardly left Lara's side, though. He knows how upset she must be.

I'm being very callous about it all…to be honest, when I first read it, my initial thoughts were 'I have to try and help Lara through this'…but then I saw Trent again, and like before, that want to protect her just vanished. Besides, she needs to get over this on her own, it's what's best for her. She can't get through this properly if we're all mollycoddling her…like Trent. He's actually offered to go with her, can you believe that?! He's only been here five minutes, but he's suddenly her first choice travel companion! In a way, it makes me sick that only last week, it would have been me she'd have turned to…but I don't care. She's her own woman, if she wants to stick with Trent, well so be it. I wouldn't want to go down that road again.

"Uh, Lara?" Zip says tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Bad news. There are no private jets available right now-not until two weeks away."

"Well, that's not bloody good enough, the funeral's in two _days!_"

"I know, I know…you could try commercial flights?" Yeah, right-like Lady Croft would be seen on a commercial plane! Oh, she's nodding. "There's no guarantee of first-class seats, though-"

"Zip, I don't care if it's not first-class, I don't care if it's not business class, I don't care if they shove us in the fucking hold, just find me a plane that'll get me there by Thursday! Okay, _Thursday_!"

"I'll make some calls."

"Thank you, Zip," she says gratefully. He smiles at her and turns back to the phone. She turns around and catches my eye, but I look away, pretending as though it never happened. I'm still watching her out of the corner of my eye, though.

"Alister?" she says from right behind me.

"What is it, Lara?" I grunt.

"Alister, I-"

"Lara?" Zip calls.

"Yes, Zip?"

"I can get you a flight from Cardiff at seven tonight!"

"Great, book it!"

"Yeah, here's the catch-it's only a single flight. If you take it, you could end up stranded."

"I don't care, Zip, just get me on that flight!" she replies impatiently. "And just because we fly out from Cardiff doesn't mean we have to fly back in again-wait, there are two seats available?"

"Yep, both Business class. First-class booked up."

"That's fine," she tells him. "Book them." She turns back to me. "Well," she smiles. "Looks like I'm off again."

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Remind me to never again accept Kurtis Trent as my travel companion! And while we're on the subject, I'd advise you to do the same! Unless you _want _to sit next to a chattering idiot for the two hour journey to Cardiff International, be dragged around nearly all Duty Free shops in said airport-and buying a very ridiculous hat!-and then board with said chattering idiot going on about he's scared of flying! 'Well, not the flying, just take-off…and the landing…and I get really bored after the first ten minutes…', so prepare yourself for a very long flight, only to have him jabbering on 'look! Look!' while you're watching a very good film, look at what the fuss is and notice it's just some clouds, and question his excitement and he says' but it looks just like you'. Honestly, that is what he said, I'm not joking! In the end, I simply asked to swap seats with a young woman who was eyeing him up for the full five hours we'd been flying!

* * *

"_Just cos you can't appreciate the artistic eye," he mutters, hurt at my non-enthusiasm at the cloud apparently shaped like me._

"_I'm sorry," I mutter. "Why don't I buy you a lolly next time the nice woman selling things come over? Would that make you feel better?"_

"_Now you're just taking the piss," he mutters moodily. I snort with laughter. Why did I agree to this again? I hear a small giggle coming from across the aisle. Kurtis looks over when I do, and we spy a young blond, staring over at Kurtis, with a flirtatious look in her eyes. She shoots him a 'sexy' smile when she catches his eye, to which he smiles his 'sexy smile' back. Jesus Christ. She's been doing this since we boarded!_

"_Excuse me?" I call to the woman, an idea forming in my mind. "Would you like to swap seats with me? It's just that you two have been flirting for the last-ooh, five hours, and I just feel like I'm getting in the way. What do you think?" It might work-and the man she's next to is asleep, so maybe I'll get a peaceful remainder of the flight!_

"_All right," she agrees, to my surprise. I didn't actually expect her to agree. I turn to see Kurtis giving me a hurt look._

"_What's your problem?" I ask. "I've just landed you a hot date to keep you entertained for the rest of the flight." He nods thoughtfully. I smile and stop my film and grab my hand luggage to swap seats._

"_Hi," I hear her say flirtatiously as she sits down._

"_Hello." Dear God, if they're at this for the rest of the flight, I won't need the comedy on the screen to keep me entertained!_

"_I like your hat," she smiles. Oh yes, you heard correctly. That hat he bought? He claimed it was 'because it's hot there!' and he actually wore it onto the plane!_

"_Really? She doesn't," he replies, pointing at me._

"_She obviously has no fashion sense," she drools. He nods, and gives me a triumphant look, and mouths 'see!' I shake my head and turn back to my film…

* * *

_

"Whatcha thinking about?" Kurtis asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"That slut you got talking to on the plane."

"She was _not_ a slut!" he argues. "Besides, you're the one who got us together!"

"Kurtis, she had her hands all over you! If they'd given us blankets she would have tried to get it on with you!" He considers it for a moment, looking thoughtful and nodding. "Oh, Christ!"

"Hey, come on," he protests, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. "You know I wouldn't, you're the only one."

"Don't," I mutter, moving his hands off. It's too soon…the last time somebody said that to me, I broke their heart…

"Aw, are you jealous?" he coos.

"Of what, you and some cheap slag nearly getting it off together in public? Yeah, I don't know how I'll go on now!"

"Well, I could always make it up-"

"Just don't, Kurtis!"

"Sorry, sorry," he apologises. "Jeez, you're touchy," he mutters.

"Kurtis, in the last week I've had my heart broken, made another unsuccessful attempt at trying to contact the _one_ person I should be able to call whenever it suits me and have discovered that one of my friends has died and has been dead for six weeks, so excuse me for being a bit cranky!" I turn away from him and try to contain the sob that wants to make its way out. Save it for the funeral-it's tomorrow after all.

"Sorry," he smiles at me. He holds out his arms to me, and I gratefully walk into his embrace, leaning against his strong chest. "Who'd you try to contact?"

"My…never mind," I mumble. He nods.

"So, what do you think of La Paz?" he asks me as we move out of our hug.

"Pretty much the same, really," I tell him. "I was only here about two months ago."

"You, too, huh?"

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

"I spent a little time here before tracking you down." I didn't know that-bit of an odd coincidence. Spooky, almost. "What were you doing here?"

"Oh, just…exploring," I lie. He nods.

"Pretty much the same. Nice place, huh?"

"Yeah," I agree. I remember one time when I really _was_ here just to explore, and how Anaya would get so passionate about all her favourite areas. Amanda and I would act like complete tourists ooh-ing and ah-ing at everything she pointed out and we must have gone through about six rolls of film in the first _week! _Anaya knew we were taking the piss, but she just laughed, and acted like a serious tour guide-she even did the voice! I swear she would have bought a microphone if she'd have found one!

At the memory, I find myself overwhelmed with grief as I think about it, and before I know what's happening, I hear myself sobbing and feel the tears that had been aching to come out finally roll down my cheeks. Kurtis pulls me back into his arms, and strokes my head occasionally as he whispers to me.

"Christ, what's wrong with me?" I say thickly as he leads me to a seat.

"Your best friend just died, Lara-you're grieving, it's normal," he soothes. He hands me a tissue which I gratefully accept. I blow my nose, and throw it in the bin next to me.

"Kurtis, tell me something."

"What?" he replies, sitting next to me, a box of tissues in one hand.

"Why did you want to come with me?" I ask. It's something that's been niggling at me. He shrugs.

"I figured you could use the support."

"But you didn't know her. You barely know me! Why are you being so…nice about everything?"

"It's just who I am, Lara. I know I can be a complete dumbarse sometimes, but I'm a good friend, seriously-ask Lily if you don't believe me."

"Lily?!" I exclaim. He looks a bit shocked at my outburst.

_Christ, Lara, keep it together! There are thousands of girls called Lily in this world-millions! What are the chances that the Lily he's talking about also just _happens _to be your daughter?_

I know, I know…

"Sorry," I mutter. "It's just-oh this is stupid-I know someone called Lily, and I just-oh I don't know. Just forget it." He nods.

"What's her last name?" he asks interestedly.

"Wickets."

"Wickets…" his voice trails off, and I'm left looking at him trying to figure it out, before he finally shakes his head. "No, that's not it." I nod.

"Well, how likely was it, really?" I smile.

"You never know," he smirks mysteriously. God, that smirk's annoying. He wore that same bloody smirk when he was feeling me up at the Louvre!

The memory of that brings a smile to my face, and I snort with laughter. "What?" he asks, but I shake my head.

"I was thinking about that time in the Louvre," I tell him.

"Ah," he smirks. "What about it? How much you enjoyed it?"

"Which part, having my painting stolen by a sexual predator or almost being killed…again?"

"Sexual predator, huh?"

"Well, you were!" I protest. "I didn't know who you were, and there you are, just feeling me up from behind!"

"I thought you were a bad guy! And in my defence, I was only disarming you. Besides, you did the same to me in the airlock."

"Revenge, Kurtis, is all." He shrugs.

"I guess it was justified," he says casually.

"I like to think so." He puts an arm around my shoulders. I smile and sink into it. I sigh deeply.

"What?" I shake my head.

"Nothing," I say. "Nothing at all." He hugs my shoulders and I look up into his face…into those deep azure eyes. They're so entrancing…I find my face inching closer to his, and our lips meet in a tender kiss. He applies light pressure, and deepens it as I place a hand on his shoulder. He brings his other arm around until he's supporting me in both arms as we continue to kiss. He places a hand on my chest and gently starts to push me down…

…until I break off and push him back. "I can't," I tell him. "I just can't."

"Cos of your friend?" he asks. I nod.

"Yes." Well, partly anyhow. It just-it doesn't feel right. He nods.

"Lara, it's okay," he reassures me. "I-" he breaks off as we hear a 'Crazy Frog' tune start to go off. He looks embarrassed and slightly pissed off.

"Your ring tone?" I guess.

"Yep," he nods, smiling awkwardly. I start to laugh inside as he fumbles about inside his pockets, searching for his mobile. "Hello? Hey, how you doing?" he greets enthusiastically. "I'm cool, I'm cool, what about you?" He nods as they reply. "Aw, why are you sad? Me? Why should I be upset?" Who's he talking to?

"Well, okay, put it like that-I am _not _devoid of feelings, I-Lara!" he turns to me. "Be honest, am I devoid of feeling?"

"Uh…not really, I suppose," I answer as honestly as I can.

"See, Lara agrees with me," he says triumphantly into his mobile. "Yeah, she's here. You wanna talk to her?" Who _is _he talking to? "Are you sure, she can be real sweet…hey that was harsh!…You've really upset me now…what do you mean that was the idea? You're mean." Well, whoever they are, he's obviously got a crush on them-I'm just sincerely hoping-for my own sake as well as his-that it's a female! "You sure you got nothing to say-okay, okay, no then! Jeez!" He gives me a look as though to say 'what's up with them?!'. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow-wait, how's that gonna happen?...you're in La Paz, too? Why?" He nods as they answers, muttering 'uh-huh' and 'yeah, of course', and surprisingly, not doing a silly face routine like I expect he usually would. They must mean something to him if he's actually listening!

I turn my head away from him to stare at the slowly sinking sun on the horizon. It's been so long since I've been able to check into a hotel room and just…relax, enjoy the landscape from my balcony without having to worry about catching up on sleep to check out as fast as possible to avoid being caught up with. I get up and head for the door and slide it open, stepping outside. The humid air hits my skin as soon as my feet touch down on the slabbed surface of the floor. I close the door behind me to give Kurtis some privacy…and to be alone. I walk to the edge and lean against the railing, staring ahead of me as the sun sinks behind a mountain.

I really wish I knew what had happened to her…I've asked Zip to see if he can get a copy of her autopsy report for me, but he hasn't had any luck yet. He's said he'll call, but if he doesn't succeed, I'll have to fight the case myself. I'm already in La Paz, so I may as well try. It's the least I can do-if she was murdered, to avenge her. I owe it to her…

* * *

"_To be perfectly honest, I think this is a terrible idea," Anaya says, snapping me back to reality. "Everyone agreed to leave things as they were."_

"_I will as much as I can," I say defiantly, though not sure whether I'm trying to convince her or myself. "But from what Rutland said, I'm sure there's a clue down there as to what killed my mother. I have to go back."_

"_There's no use trying to enter at the same point," Anaya argues. "It's caved in."_

"_The river had to get in there somehow," I reason._

"_I'll leave you to figure out the how," Anaya says suddenly. "I can't go down there. I'm sorry."_

"_It's fine, really," I smile reassuringly at her. "If there's any trouble," I warn. "Call Zip, and he'll patch you through. Don't take any chances," I add. "I'm not losing any more of my friends."

* * *

_

That was the last time I saw her, even spoke to her! With everything that had happened since, I didn't even give her a second's thought. It was nine weeks ago. She died three week after…just three weeks. To be fair, a lot had happened in that time. I realised that the dais here was never going to work, my daughter found me, and I'd…I was probably in the coma by then.

Why do I keep using that dais and Lily as excuses? If it hadn't been for Anaya, I wouldn't have even _known _about the dais here! And even if I was shocked at the outcome, it doesn't mean I couldn't have called her. And as for Lily…I never even tried to forge a relationship with her…I was such a bitch. In an odd way, I really hope she's here…but why would she be? She knew Amanda, not Anaya, and as far as I know, Anaya was none-the-wiser about Amanda's existence anymore than I was. I just have to accept it, don't I? I've lost her…

"Hey, Lara, do you wanna get something to eat?" Kurtis interrupts. I don't say anything. "What's wrong? Except for the Anaya thing, I mean."

"Nothing," I tell him, though not turning around. "Why don't you go? I'm not hungry."

"You sure?" I nod. "Would you like me to bring you something back?" I shake my head. "I don't have to-"

"Kurtis, please, don't take this the wrong way, but just leave me alone."

"Right," he whispers. "Sorry." I hear him try to step back quietly, but it's always then when you're noisiest, isn't it? I hear him slide the door behind him, and leaving me to my thoughts once more…

* * *

"_I hope you found what you were looking for, because I am never coming here again!" Anaya says adamantly, still shell-shocked about her near-death ordeals._

"_I was right," I mutter. "This is all Amanda left behind." I hand her the boot I found among the rocks that should have crushed her all those years ago._

"_She got out and didn't tell us?!" Anaya gasps, examining the boot. "Why has she been hiding all these years?"_

"_Maybe not hiding exactly," I say. "Just not keeping in touch with old friends. Perhaps she found or learned something down there she wanted to keep to herself." I turn towards her Jeep, ready to climb in when I hear a small whimper behind me. I quickly spin around, drawing my guns, but there's no-one there. "Anaya?" I call. "Anaya!"_

_I hear a rustle and spin around again, pointing one gun at the bushes. "Amanda?" I gasp as she emerges. "Where's Anaya?" I demand. Amanda just snorts and draws a gun of her own. Well, I can't say I wasn't anticipating that. She shoots me a malicious smirk. "Where's Anaya?" I repeat forcefully._

"_Come and see," Amanda whispers, pointing to the bush behind me. Trepidation gripping me, I slowly step forward, keeping one gun pointed at Amanda. I stop as I reach her, and she points to the bush behind her._

"_What's in there?" I ask, though fearing I already know. She just smirks, and points to the bush again. I take another step forward, and peek into it, expecting to see Anaya's mangled corpse…but there's nothing. "Amanda, what-" I see her arm draw back and she smashes over the head with her gun, sending me into darkness…_

…_it's night…it's so dark. My head hurts. I blink and try to move, but my body screams in protest. I force myself onto my knees, and slowly crawl away, ignoring the aches of my bones. I'm still near the archaeological site. What's going on? _

_Suddenly, my eyes spy a figure moving through the darkness, heading towards the pit. As they step into the moonlight, I recognise it's Anaya. She walks to the edge, and hops down into the pit. I frown in confusion and crawl to the edge of the pit, still in pain. I look down and see her walk to the lake. The lake-where did that come from? It must have happened when the whole place flooded…_

_She kneels as she reaches the edge and looks down into the clear depths, as though…scanning them for something. What does she expect, Amanda to-? Amanda! This must have been the way she got out!_

_As I look on, I see Anaya stand up and remove her jacket and belt-anything that might weigh her down-and she dives straight in. Only one minute later, she emerges, taking deep breaths, but then dives down again. One minute passes by…and two…she doesn't return. She's going to drown!_

_"Anaya," I shout. "Anaya!" I force myself to stand up. I slide down into the pit, but collapse in a heap at the bottom. I don't care, I've got to get to her. I get up again and run to the lake, even though my legs are starting to tremor through weakness. "Anaya!" I shout again as I look into the water, collapsing onto my knees. I don't see her-I don't see anything. "Anaya!" _

_I stand to my full height and take a deep breath…and dive in. The water presses unusually hard against my chest, but I continue my descent. I know the way, I've done this before…what is-_

_A rise of black smoke suddenly envelopes itself through the water. Panicking, I kick for the surface. Come on, I can make it, I can make it! My lungs are screaming for air, my chest squeezes in pain, my legs are in agony at the overuse. Help, help…suddenly, the monster…that same monster that slaughtered our entire archaeology group appears in front of me…I open my mouth to scream, but I inhale the water instead. Water fills my chest and it starts to burn in pain…I'm dying…I'm dying…

* * *

_

My eyes snap open. I take several deep breaths, and check my surroundings. I'm all right, I'm all right, I'm just in that hotel room in La Paz. I can feel the cold sweat cling to my pyjamas, pressing against my body. Wow, that must have been quite a nightmare...

The mattress moves as Kurtis stirs next to me. Because we didn't book, we only got one room-a double. I had no idea La Paz was such a popular spot. Then again, there aren't that many hotels in this area, and ironically, this is where they like to hold a lot of conferences etc. I guess this would be the most obvious hotel-it's the most lavish, yet decently priced. I just chose it because it was the first one after the airport hotel, which I really didn't fancy.

I climb out of bed and check my watch on the desk. Quarter to nine. The funeral's in just over an hour, at ten. I suppose I should start getting ready. I go into the bathroom and start the shower running.

When I emerge, I see Kurtis still hasn't risen. Typical. I go over to my suitcase under the desk and pull it out. I start rooting around for my funeral dress.

"What are you doing?" Kurtis sighs behind me.

"Looking for my dress," I reply.

"Huh?"

"The funeral, Kurtis?" I remind him.

"Oh crap!" he groans. I give him a disapproving look. "Sorry. When is it?"

"In just under an hour so I suggest you start getting ready. I've got a taxi coming at half past."

"Half nine? You sure that gives us enough time?"

"Well if you'd got up-!"

"I mean to get there," he clarifies.

"It should only take fifteen minutes by car," I tell him. He nods and gets out of bed and heads for the bathroom. Unlike me, though, he doesn't take a shower. He's more of a bath person, I realised last night. He had one before going to bed…I'm not here to judge.

He comes out just as I'm taking my pyjama top off. I'm facing away from him, but I hear him come in. "I'll give you a minute," he mutters. I smile. We sleep in the same bed, have already slept together once-twice technically-, and _now_ he's shy? I shake my head, and pull on the dress. I pull the bottoms down and walk to the mirror. Well, I certainly look different. "Can I come out yet?" Kurtis calls from the bathroom.

"Yes," I call back, and turn on the straighteners on the desk.

"Nice dress," he comments.

"Well, you have to try for funerals, don't you?" I say pointedly.

"Are you okay, Lara?"

"I'm going to a funeral, Kurtis," I begin as I pull the straighteners through my hair.

"Yeah, I know that, but are you okay?" I pause and put the straighteners down.

"Honestly, Kurtis, no, I'm not okay," I admit. "But I don't have time to dwell on that right now, because all I want to do is bury my friend. Can you please leave me to do that in peace?"

"Sure," he nods. "But you know, it's okay to show how you really feel. You don't need to hide behind a shell all the time." He gives me a small smile and heads back to the bathroom, suit in one arm. What did he mean by 'hide in a shell?'…oh sod that, I don't have time for this now! It's like I told Kurtis, all I want to do is bury my friend…and say goodbye.

* * *

We arrive promptly at quarter to nine, like I predicted. Her funeral is being held at the church in the centre of the city (A/N I don't know a lot about La Paz, so if there isn't a church in the middle, I'm sorry!) and her wake will be held where her father works. Kurtis kept shooting me odd glances all the way here, but I ignored him. If he expects me to snap and have a nervous breakdown, he's going to be sadly disappointed.

As we walk up to the church-having already deposited our wreaths-it seems we are the only ones here. Only her parents are standing outside. "Lara Croft," her father-Carlos-greets, shaking my hand. "Thank you for coming." I called as soon as I arrived, to let them know I would be coming.

"Of course I would," I assure him. "Anaya was a good friend to me." He nods gratefully. I look over to his wife, and-like most mothers would be-she is distraught. I give her a small smile, and she pulls me into a hug, sobbing on my shoulder. I pat her back comfortingly. "It's all right, Rosa," I say calmly. She pulls out of the embrace.

"Others are gathered inside, if you would like to take a seat," Carlos says. I nod and smile.

"Thank you." I walk into the dark entryway-followed by Kurtis, who I notice also shook Carlos's hand. I have to admit, I didn't think he'd come to the actual ceremony. Surely he can't be here just for support…perhaps he knew her and is simply being discrete about it, for whatever reason.

I walk into the grand church, and find it is much colder inside. There are several others gathered here already, muttering quietly amongst themselves. As we enter, all heads turn and the room goes silent. Nobody says anything for a few moments, and I feel a slight blush of embarrassment rise up to my face. Christ, what's wrong with me?! There have been plenty a room gone silent because I entered. With all the dignity I can muster, I find myself a seat at the front-as Carlos directed when I phoned him-and sit down, with Kurtis next to me. I ignore the stares, though I feel them subside as the room goes back into quiet murmuring.

"Are you always such a head-turner, or-" Kurtis begins.

"Not now, Kurtis."

"I'm being serious."

"Well, it seems wherever I tread, trouble follows. I suppose the rumour must have spread," is all I grant him. I know why they're really staring…many think I killed her.

* * *

_Kurtis's POV_

My God, it was such a beautiful ceremony. You got to hand it to the Catholics-they do grief better than anybody! There were so many hymns and prayers I couldn't keep up! The fact that I speak no Spanish is of little significance.

They even asked Lara to do a reading. I don't think even _she_ knew, cos she looked as shocked as me when they announced it. But, like a pro, she got up there and did it. She even began with 'I don't have anything prepared' like all memorable speeches...on TV, anyway. It was so emotional-she was close to tears when she came down. So was everyone, I think. It sounded like it really came from the heart, you know?

Lara hasn't said a word since. We've been at the wake for a half hour, but she hasn't said or done anything except to get herself a drink. I've asked her if she's okay, but she keeps pushing me off. I guess I should leave her to it. This is probably just her way of grieving. She's gotta be, if her speech is anything to go by;

"_I don't have anything prepared," she begins, sounding way more confident than I'd have thought. "But…Anaya was one of my oldest friends. She's the first one I met at University. She was a budding, enthusiastic Engineering student. Even from the start, she had this…personality about her that I liked. She wasn't afraid, she preferred to live life, be involved, rather than let it pass by while she watched on from the sides. That's not to say she took centre stage all the time but life certainly wasn't wasted on her."_

"_She, um, was probably the one I confided in most, as she was so loyal. You could rely on her for anything-but she was no pushover. God no, if she thought you were being a complete plonker, she was the first to let you know! A useful trait if you ask me."_

"_I lost touch with her shortly after we both graduated, but not for long. We met again-quite by chance-at an archaeological dig in Peru. She was in charge of the engineering processes. She was-she was the one who stayed behind to ensure everyone got out safely each night. She was, again, the one we could all count on in times of need."_

"_Until one day, my need got too great. I asked for help researching an archaeological site, and like a pro, she came through! If it hadn't been for her, I-I probably would never have found it. She stuck by me through all my excursions whenever I needed her, but this one-this one I couldn't have done it without her."_

_She's starting to sound thick. Come on, Lara, you can get through this._

"_I'm so sorry, Anaya," she says, a tear running down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry for not…being there for you when you needed me most. I'm so sorry! I hope-I hope you can forgive me."

* * *

_

She stepped down after that, like I said, nearly in full-flow tears. She managed to keep it together, though. For being spontaneous, that was a hell of a show! I told her that, to try to make her feel better, but she just ignored me.

"I never seem to be able to say the right thing," I mutter.

"Well, it's not that, you just have awful timing," Lily tells me. I shrug.

"I was trying to make her feel better, you know, by complimenting her."

"Kurtis, she didn't just screw up real bad at something, she's just lost one of her best friends-compliments isn't what she needs right now," Lily sighs, taking a sip of her drink. "She just needs…I dunno, understanding, empathy."

"Are your minds joined together, or something?" She smirks.

"It's called common sense, Kurtis-you might wanna try it."

"I resent that!" I say in a hurt tone. "It's hard enough already today."

"Yeah, I know, honey. How do you feel?"

"Weird," I admit. "I mean, I barely knew her, but-" Lily gives me 'the look'. "Okay, okay, so I knew her quite well," I amend. "But, I dunno, I just feel…I can't describe it. I feel like I've lost her, even though I never really had her."

"Come on, Kurtis, you guys knew each other for weeks before you went to England."

"Yeah, but she was more of a…acquaintance," I argue.

"Is that why you went out with her?" she asks. I look at her in shock. Can she read minds?

"Who told you about that?!"

"It's how we met! Through her."

"Right, yeah," I remember. "I forgot that." She smiles.

"Look, it feels shitty now, but…it'll be okay. It'll take time, but you _will_ move on, I promise."

"I know," I mumble. She touches my shoulder sympathetically and smiles up at me. I smile back and pull her into a hug. "I don't even know why I'm getting so bothered…Lara's the one I'm worried about."

"That doesn't mean you're not allowed to grieve." I hug her tightly. She's right, of course, but I mean it-I really am starting to get worried about Lara. She's in a 'silent phase'. Okay, I've never seen her in one of them before, so I can't really judge, but using personal experience with my mother, it's not a good sign. I let Lily go and she smiles up at me again. "I gotta go, okay? Gotta try and make Amanda at least _look_ like she's upset."

"Okay," I nod. Ah, Amanda-I remember her…sorta. She's the blond chick with all the tattoos. A little overdone, if you ask me, but still hot.

I walk across the room in search of Lara. I spot her on the balcony sitting on her own.

"Hey, Lara," I greet.

"Oh, hello, Kurtis," she says back, sounding like she's not really with it.

"Whatcha doing out here?"

"It's really suffocating in there," she mumbles. I nod. "I just-had to get out." I nod again.

"Yeah, I can understand that," I agree, taking Lily's advice. She's usually annoyingly right about these things. Lara looks surprised, but smiles. "Sometimes, you just need to be on your own."

"You know what, that's exactly it," Lara agrees. "I know this will sound ridiculous, but I almost feel as if I'm the only one who remembers it's a wake!"

"Yeah, but all wakes are like this," I point out. "You're just one of those individuals who treats it like that instead of as a social get-together."

"I wouldn't phrase it like that, but I see what you mean," she says.

"Lara?" someone inside calls.

She looks around in confusion. "Oh, it's Rosa," Lara realises. "She said she was going to ask me to do the speech again for those who weren't at the burial."

"Right," I say. "It really was moving."

"Thanks, Kurtis," she smiles. "I suppose I'd better go. Are you coming?"

"No, I think I'll stay out here if that's okay?"

"Be my guest," she smiles.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I've never really enjoyed speaking in public. Even when I was younger, the one time I held back at school was when we had to read our talks out. The problem was, they always picked the best ones to be read out in an assembly, and guess who was almost always chosen? I don't like to brag (often) but I could always write good speeches, I just hated reading them out. And this was worse-I had to 'spontaneously improvise' as my father would have called it.

Obviously I couldn't remember it word-for-word, but I don't think anyone noticed. Well, I wouldn't know really. I made a point of not looking at anyone while I spoke, or if I did, I only focused on them for a brief second. Some people were even bloody filming!

As soon as I stepped down, Rosa came up to me and thanked me for such a 'beautiful speech' and hugged me again. Even Carlos looked moved by it.

"It was the least I could do," I told them. This is, of course, a lie. The least I could do would be to find out what the hell happened! That, I tell myself, is a promise.

Not really sure what else to do, I head back to the balcony in pursuit of Kurtis. I stop to get a glass of water on the way. I notice Kurtis has been taking advantage of the free wine.

No, that's not fair. He's actually been very supportive about this. To be honest, I think I saw him cry a bit earlier. Maybe he did know her…a bit better than I originally thought at least.

I go towards the balcony, but see he's not there. "Fan-bloody-tastic," I mutter to myself. I'm about to turn around when someone bumps into me.

"Sorry," they mutter. I turn around and gasp. Right in front of me…is Lily…

She looks up into my face, and our gazes meet. Time seems to freeze around us as we keep looking at each other in shock. I see surprise, and even fear in her glistening brown eyes…but not hatred, like I half-expected.

I want to talk to her, to reach out and hug her like a mother should. But something's holding me back…and I can't do it, I just can't.

"Lily?" someone calls from the other side of room. She starts to turn, though still keeping her eyes locked on mine, before her whole head turns. Slowly, she starts to walk away.

"Lily," I whisper. Tears spring to my eyes as I utter that word…

"Lara, I've been looking everywhere for you!" Kurtis says as he comes up behind me. "Zip's been trying to get through to your cell, but apparently you switched it off?"

"I let her go," I whisper.

"What? Lara, are you listening? Zip got a hold of Anaya's police records! He says he's got everything you'd need to know," Kurtis tells me excitedly, but I don't acknowledge what he's saying. All I can think about is seeing her again…and I let her go, just like that, again. I don't know whether to be angry, or upset or…glad even, just for seeing her.

"Did he say how she died?" I ask out of the blue, my mind snapping back to Anaya.

"Gun-shot wound," Kurtis tells me.

"How?"

"They don't know-that's why they withheld her body for so long, they were doing investigations."

"Well they apparently didn't do a very good job!" I say, anger starting to rise inside of me. "Is that all they could deduce in six weeks? The fact that she was shot?!"

"I don't-you'd have to ask Zip, he's the one with the record!" he says desperately. Right, well, I _will _ask Zip! I open my bag and dig inside for my mobile. I turn it on and quickly dial the number.

"Lara?" he says as he answers.

"Those records-how much information have you got on cause of death?" I hear ruffling of papers, and a few curse words which I ignore.

"GSW, but you know that," he reads off. "One eyewitness account, also found to have one bullet in the arm."

"Who was the eyewitness?"

"One Amanda Everett." Cold fear floods into the pit of my stomach as I hear those two words.

"Amanda?" I check. "Are you sure you read it properly?"

"I even got a picture, Lara-it's her all right," Zip confirms.

"Okay, Amanda," I mutter to myself. "It's high time you and I had another little chat."

"Were there any murder suspects?" I ask.

"I'm still getting to that."

"Right-ring Kurtis when you have something. I want to remain undisturbed during our chat."

"You got it." He signs off. Oh, it feels good to be back; hacking into police records, going in pursuit of enemies-I have missed it.

"Kurtis, if your phone rings-" I begin.

"I know, I know-answer it," he finishes.

"And come and find me once you've got the information."

"Yes, ma'am," he nods. I ignore his tone and press on through the crowd, in reluctant pursuit of the one woman I'd really rather not have seen again. But I was just kidding myself-there was _always _going to be another confrontation. We left too much unresolved the last time. Just like with…I've got to keep on task! I need to sort things out with Lily-Amanda! There's something wrong with this, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it!

But before I do…I'm going to talk to Lily. I need to get things sorted with her first, and honestly, she takes priority. I never thought I'd say that over Anaya, but it'll be easy enough to track Amanda down, which I'd need to do anyway. I doubt if she's here. Lily I know isn't so easy…anyway, I just…I need to talk to her. Besides, it's too much of a coincidence-I mentioned earlier how I really hoped she'd be here and she is.

Having calmed down considerably after my initial anger towards Amanda, I go through the now smaller crowd, looking for Lily. I spot her almost instantly at the buffet table, getting herself a drink of water. Actually, why's she even here? Don't tell me she knew Anaya as well?!

I nervously go up to her, and find myself stopping only steps away from her. I-I can't do this, I've lost my nerve!

_For God's sake, pull yourself together! You're _not_ going to let her slip through again or you will regret it._

I approach her from behind, and reach out a hand and place it on her shoulder. She turns around and our eyes meet again. That cold pit of fear of adrenaline rushes through my stomach again, but I ignore it. "Ariadne-I mean, Lily-" Shit! Great start, Lara! She looks mildly surprised at my calling her Ariadne, but why shouldn't she be? She must think I got her name completely wrong!

"I'm sorry," I finally say. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, I'm sorry for how I treated you, I'm sorry for what I said to you in the hospital." I stop. "Look, I'm just bloody sorry, okay?" I finish thickly. "I'd be a useless mother." I turn around and make to walk away, tears finding their way out of my eyes again. I blink them away.

"Lara?" she whispers behind me. I turn to face her again. She looks…shocked, for lack of a better word. She smiles at me. "I'm sorry, too."

"What for?" I ask, smiling in confusion.

"I'm just…sorry." With that she walks away, leaving me in utter confusion. What could she possibly need to be sorry for? She just did what any daughter would do-she tried to track down her mother.

"Lily?" I call after her, but then spot something out of the corner of my eye. I gasp in shock again as my eyes rest on a blond, in black, a tattoo snaking up her revealed arm. A woman with piercing blue eyes and a careless expression on her face; Amanda…it's time we had our chat.

* * *

_So, what did you think? I promise I will try to update quicker next time! Please review, and you will receive EXTRA chocs and plushies! Lolx_


	22. Bolivia II

_Disclaimer: I've said this so many times, I'm actually out of crazy ways to say it, so just use your imagination-I don't own it_

_jacob love: Sorry if this wasn't soon as you expected, but I think this one was worth the wait...and what argument? Lolx-thanks 4 reviewing!_

_Tango Fever: Oh, thank you! I'm sorry if I've been neglecting yours as well, actually-I know the feeling of having way too much work! But anyway, I hope this one meets your standards, and I shall see you soon! Lolx-thanks 4 reviewing_

_The Third Demi-God: Apology noted and insensitivity ignored. And Kurtis says stop sticking pins in him or he's gonna take your Final Fantasy game. And 'all that jazz?' Did you see 'Chicago' recently by any chance or is it just some strange coincidence that the same week I update I hear that song? Hmmm...but anyways; Lolx-thanks 4 reviewing_

_Team-chaser: Yes, I was sadly abducted by aliens last time (but I annoyed them so much, they soon dropped me off!) And I'm glad you're warming to Lily...Lily: Yay and you think Alister's got problems now? Hehehehe! Lolx-thanks 4 reviewing_

_Timeless4Life: First, I think you need a beta for your reviews (please don't hit me tomorrow!) Second-very innovative. I won't say much more as I've probably already said one or two things about it...oh but there is this; 'the open door silences those who are either unconfident or with something to hide'...couldn't resist Lolx-thanks 4 reviewing!_

_A/N: I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry, but those of you who are doing GCSEs or whatever will understand! Alas, my friends, we near the end-this is the penultimate chapter of this story. Enjoy it anyway!

* * *

_

_Amanda's POV_

Why am I here again? To pay my last respects, to break down uncontrollably and let the whole freaking world see how much I'm grieving? Yeah right. It's not like she was my best friend or anything. Besides, she wasn't evil. She probably went somewhere good. That's what I keep telling everyone who comes up to me anyway. It's a Catholic community, what else am I supposed to say? 'Oh yeah, I think your beliefs are a truckload of bullshit, but hey, I'm sure she's enjoying life on her non-existent spiritual plain. Another éclair?' As tempting as that sounds, I really couldn't afford to say it. I've already got enough freaking people hating me, I don't need a crowd of mourners after my arse!

Everybody keeps coming up to me, asking me 'how I'm handling it?' What's there to handle? People die everyday, Anaya had to go sometime. Besides, it's not like she suffered. Gunshots might be messy but they're sure as hell fast. Unfortunately, you just really can't say something like that to a genuine mourner. Especially if it's the mother! Jeez, she's just lost her only child and she's asking _me_ if I'm okay! There is something seriously messed up in that.

You know, it's like they all think I should have PTSD or something, cos I was a 'witness'. Whatever-I've seen worse. I've seen things they wouldn't dare to _dream_ about! Trust me on that…look at you all, you think I'm nuts. Okay, so maybe I'm a _little_ shell-shocked, but to tell you the truth, I'm more pissed off than upset. Guess who had to get her body off the mountain? Not an easy task, I can tell you. Remind me to take more than one pilot next time I fly up a mountain-either that or take helicopter classes.

I sigh and my hand reaches for my neck where my pendant usually hangs, but I feel nothing but skin. I sigh in frustration as I remember that I don't have it anymore. I still don't really know what happened to it.

I feel sorta empty without it. You know, for like, thirteen years it was a part of my life. Christ, it was a part of _me_. You wouldn't see me anywhere without that black skull hanging round my neck. When people first saw it, they thought I was some kinda anarchist or something! I gotta admit, it does look kinda sinister when you first see it. I guess it could have looked like I was making a statement.

You know, when we were up there, I never did find him. You wanna know why? The bastard was alive all along. Turns out his little Lily got him off the mountain.

That would explain why I woke up in a hospital. The sweetheart got me as well. It's nice to see the abandonment gene doesn't run in families…

My God, you should have heard the speech Lara gave. It was so 'emotional' and 'tearful'. Jeez, you'd think it was a rewrite of Titanic the way everyone was talking about it! But come on, let's be real, it was a suck-up speech! She forgot about Anaya and now she feels guilty, that's all it comes down to. Oh, don't give me that look. I am not just some cruel, heartless bitch okay, but you gotta admit, she was seriously sucking up to the parents. I can see why. I heard some interesting gossip while we were all waiting in the church. Apparently, some people think _Lara_ killed her…my God, we have a crap rumour mill! It always goes back to Croft, doesn't it?

Well, she was always a freaking show-off at college-not so much on the social scale, but she practically _taught _some of the classes! Seriously, there was one time where the Professor literally couldn't say a _word! _But of course, they all loved her for it. No-one would _dare_ to piss off the daughter of renowned archaeologist Lord Richard Croft.

"Amanda?" someone says.

"What do you want, Lil?" I mutter, in between drags of my sixth cigarette. Seriously, you'd need a whole freaking pack of these things to get through this! It's so pretentious, the President of the United States would have a problem comparing!

"Just something I've noticed, but you don't look like you're exactly mourning some huge loss," she says sarcastically.

"What's your point?" I retort carelessly.

"You were a witness to your friend getting shot. Do you think you could at least _look_ like you're grieving?"

"This is me grieving."

"Yeah, it's real heartbreaking," she mutters.

"Well you're not exactly rolling around in tears," I contradict.

"I barely even knew her. Besides, I'm only here for you-and James," she adds.

"Yeah, where is he, by the way?" I change the subject. I've only just noticed I haven't actually seen him since the ceremony. Lily shrugs.

"I dunno, looking for you, I guess," she suggests.

"Well, I'm right here."

"Yeah, smoking what's gotta be like your tenth cigarette," she mutters.

"First of all, this is only my sixth!" I argue. "And second-you know what, screw you, this is how I grieve. I'm just releasing all my stress and anger on this cigarette. Just because I don't give 'tearful' suck up speeches like that stupid Croft in there doesn't-" I stop as I realise. Better not finish the sentence. Lily just shrugs nonchalantly.

"Whatever works for you," she says.

"How do you feel about her being here?" I ask suddenly. She doesn't even do the 'confused then realises' routine. She knows exactly who I'm talking about.

"It's not like I'm surprised."

"Yeah, but, how do you feel?"

"This isn't about me."

"The world doesn't stop just because one person dies," I say harshly. "If you wanna talk, go ahead. No-one's gonna judge you."

"I think Anaya deserves this one day," she remarks thoughtfully. "The world doesn't stop just because one person sees her estranged mother again."

* * *

_Lily's POV_

She looked so scared when she saw me. It threw me off a little, actually. I knew she would obviously be here-hell, I'd seen her when she gave that speech!-but I really didn't expect to actually _see_ her, you know? When our eyes met, it was like-it was like time sort of froze around us, and it was just me, her and that moment left. In a way I never wanted it to end…for once she didn't look like she hated me.

I don't know what I expected when I went to her in England. I didn't know if she would reject me cruelly, welcome me into her arms…or if we'd just be left in this awful silence before one of us finally gives and says how we really feel.

I take in a deep breath. I can feel a tear fall out of my eye, but I wipe it away. I go over to the table for a glass of water. For some reason, drinking water always really helps me to keep myself under control. I dunno, it's just some weird thing. Whatever works for you, right?

After some deep gulps, I still don't feel that much calmer. I pour myself a third cup, taking deep breaths to stop myself from just breaking down and crying…get over it! Get over this, get over this, get over this-

I feel a hand on my shoulder, nearly making me jump like a mile in the air. I turn around and my eyes meet glistening brown ones. Lara…

"Ariadne-I mean, Lily-" My eyes widen. What did she just call me?

She doesn't say anything, her hand still on my shoulder. She notices and moves it away.

"I'm sorry," she finally says. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, I'm sorry for how I treated you, I'm sorry for what I said to you in the hospital." Oh my God… "Look, I'm just bloody sorry, okay?" she finishes in a thick voice. "I'd be a useless mother." She turns around and starts to walk away.

"Lara?" I call her back. She turns around to look at me again. What do I say now? 'You wouldn't be' is on the tip of my tongue, but I restrain from saying it. Except now all I can think about is her in that hospital bed, tubes and drips everywhere, and that terrifying moment we almost lost her…

"I'm sorry, too," I say eventually, smiling. She looks confused.

"What for?"

"I'm just…sorry," I whisper, and follow in her steps by turning away. They finally got the better of me. I wipe stray tears away as I work my way through the crowd to a balcony. I just need to be alone.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

Keeping my eyes locked on her, I march through the crowd towards her, all the anger I felt at the dais building up again. How can she be standing there so-so _casually? _She just looks bored! Well, things are just about to get more interesting for you…

"Hello, Amanda," I greet coldly as I reach her. She doesn't look surprised to see me.

"I was wandering when we'd get to me," she mutters by means of a greeting. My hand twitches and I have to restrain myself from slapping her there and then. "Careful, Lara, don't wanna cause a scene," she smirks, her eyes not leaving my face.

"Care to go somewhere a little more private? It's been such a long time since we…chatted."

"Sure, why not?" she smiles pleasantly. That facetious little cow! She knows-she knows _exactly _why I'm here talking to her now! God I'd love to wipe that disgusting smirk off her pinched, pale face!

She walks casually outside into the corridor and heads straight to a lift. I follow her wordlessly. I really wish I'd brought my guns now. Still, I'm not completely unprotected. I've got my anger, not to mention a small dagger hidden in my boot. Come on, you didn't honestly think I'd go in there absolutely defenceless, did you? It might be a funeral, but you've seen what liking many take to me. I was hoping it was just unreasonable paranoia, but unfortunately, when it comes to thoughts of being threatened, my gut instincts aren't usually wrong.

She walks into the lift and-not like I expected-pushes for the top floor. Well, I suppose the roof would make it easier to push her off should the need/opportunity arise. She leans callously against the wall of the lift, sighing boredly again. She's certainly sure of herself for someone who's dealt with my 'chats' before. Either she's doing this to deliberately wind me up, in which case I hope she doesn't have any intention of coming out of here alive! Or she's so far gone emotionally, she really couldn't care less how it turns out. Maybe there's a small part of her that wants to die. Well, I can be extremely generous when it comes to that.

"So what did I do this time?" she asks me, smirking as we go through the door onto the roof. Not one to waste time, I shove her against a wall.

"I'm really lacking patience today, so as much as I'd love to stay here and get you back for everything, I have no intention of staying here any longer than I have to, so I'm just going to cut to the chase! Did you kill Anaya?" She looks surprised. What, she really wasn't expecting that? She starts laughing.

"What?" she gasps through laughter.

"You heard me! Did you kill Anaya?"

"Always the most logical solution, for you, isn't it? 'My friend's dead, who don't I like? Oh, I know, Amanda!'" I slap her viciously.

"I suggest you don't test my patience," I warn.

"Yeah. Convenient I picked the roof, isn't it? You could push me over that railing so easily and make it look like an accident."

"You know I would," I tell her. She nods.

"Always was a little flaw of yours. You just go charging in there without thinking about the consequences!"

"Is that what was going through your mind when you shot Anaya?!" I shout. She gives me a disbelieving look.

"Don't pretend this is just about Anaya, Lara," she says smoothly.

"Oh don't flatter yourself!" I snap. "What else could it possibly be about?"

"You mean to tell me you've forgotten our previous…rendezvous at the dais?" I involuntarily widen my eyes, but quickly frown in anger again. She smiles cruelly. "I didn't think so. It was kind of a hard blow, huh? Realising you'll never see your precious mother again-"

"Don't you fucking dare talk about her!" I spit. "You have no right!"

"Come on, that's what this it's really about, isn't it? If you honestly came up here to interrogate me about Anaya, you'd have brought a gun."

"And what makes you so sure I haven't?"

"You're extravagant, Lara, but even you don't bring guns to funerals. A dagger or two tucked up in your boot, maybe, but no guns," she says, smiling as my attempt to hide my surprise fails miserably.

"You weren't so cocky last time, were you?"

"Well, you know-staring down the barrel of a smoking pistol has a mean thing of making you act all nice."

"I may not have a gun, but you were right about the dagger, so stop the 'bad guy' monologue or you may find yourself with an inconvenient slash across your throat."

"Slitting my throat? Isn't that a little medieval for you?" she says sceptically. How can she be so callous about it? "I had you down as throwing me over the railing or maybe stabbing."

"Either suits me," I assure her. She gives me an odd smile.

"There's no reason for this to get unpleasant, Lara," she smiles sweetly. "I'm still mad at you."

"For what, denying you the only entrance to Avalon?" She doesn't say anything. "Or are you telling me you're so pathetic you still haven't forgiven me for the Paraíso incident?"

"You just left me there, Lara! Do you have any idea how _close _I was to drowning? Do you have any idea what it feels like to nearly die?"

"I have a fairly good idea, Amanda."

"Oh, honey, I don't mean a quick, easy gunshot to the head. I'm talking about being trapped under those rocks. I'm talking about almost being crushed, and when you realise you're surrounded by water, how much you _wish _those rocks had hit you on the head, and given you a quick death. I'm talking about the waiting for that moment, and even though it's probably only like a minute away, the pressure on your lungs makes it feel like ten times that, and that one minute waiting to die just stretches on forever."

"But you didn't," I point out. "You're still here giving me some tearful speech of survival, and meanwhile, just a few kilometres to the east lies the freshly buried body of one of my best friends! Now tell me _what-happened!_" I shout, pushing her to the floor.

"What makes you so sure _I _know anything?!" she screams at me.

"You were listed as a witness," I say calmly. "A witness, who-conveniently-could scarcely remember the details of the 'attack'-such as what the attackers looked like. Hooded, were they?" I add sceptically. She gives me a look so full of hatred that had I received it only last week in my more 'emotional' state, I would have trembled. But not now…I know the eyes of a killer, having to see them every time I look into a mirror, and she has them.

With a loud shriek, she suddenly lurches up and charges at me, slamming me against the wall, catching me by surprise. "What now?" I ask coolly as she stops. It seems she has nothing else planned-what-?!

"You might not be paranoid enough to bring a gun to funerals, Lara," she whispers, drawing one from her bag. "But I am." I watch her hand as she brings the gun up to my temple, trying my hardest not to let my fear show. She has me cornered-literally!-and she knows it. There is absolutely nothing I can do to get out of this right now.

My heart begins to race, and a rush of adrenaline lines the pit of my stomach. "You're not so cool now, are you?" she says, starting to smile cruelly.

"I've been held at gunpoint before," I assure her as calmly as I can.

"True," she admits. "But you've always had a gun of your own hidden somewhere, right? Not this time."

"So what now? Are you going to give me an emotional speech about how you live your life in fear and-" I hear a click as she releases the safety.

"I'd be very careful what you say, Lara. One wrong word and my finger might accidentally…slip on the trigger."

"Is that what you said to Anaya?" I retort, feeling the anger rise again. She knocks the gun into my head.

"Don't build up any illusions of how perfect and harmless Anaya was, Lara."

"All I know is she was innocent," I say defiantly. "She deserved better than to die by _your _hand!"

"Oh, honey," Amanda laughs cruelly. "You really do live in a little dream world when it comes to your friends, don't you?" She grabs my hair and yanks it backwards. I can't struggle, for fear she would release the trigger. If she's done it once, she can do it again, and I hadn't planned on ending my life like that. "According to your account, Anaya was probably just strolling along the street, whistling a little happy tune to herself-" I snort. "Okay, maybe that's going a little far…when, suddenly out I come with my gun, threatening her, and then…," she whispers, lowering her face closer to mine. "_BANG!_" she yells, causing me to flinch. She lets go of my hair and I fall to the floor. Shit!

"And then, the cops arrive, and find me at the crime scene, and I claim we were attacked etc. when all along, it had been mean, heartless me all the time," she finishes. "Oh, and before I forget, I also shot myself first to add a little misdirection."

"It wouldn't surprise me," I mutter.

"Well, you know what, I hate to shatter your little Utopia, but as a matter of fact, Anaya drew a gun on _me_."

"What are you talking about?" I contradict disbelievingly, now in a sitting position. She keeps the gun pointed at me, preventing me from standing.

"Your precious, so called _innocent _friend, drew the gun on me!" Amanda repeats forcefully.

"You'd better tell me what the hell you're on about."

"You're not really in a position to make threats now, Lara," she smirks unpleasantly. Suddenly, she lets of a shot above my head, as though proving her point. "This-BANG-is-BANG-what-BANG-it-BANG-feels-BANG-like!" she shouts. With each shot, instinct causes me to cradle my head protectively. She just laughs unpleasantly.

"You're not strong enough, Lara," she begins. "To handle the truth."

"Would you like to test that theory? I'd advise it."

"It's like I said, you're not exactly in a good place to start threatening me," she smirks. Suddenly, I jump up and knock her to the floor, though pushing her hand out of the way to avoid being shot in the chest. I grab the dagger from my boot and hold it to her throat. She laughs unpleasantly, but I grab the gun and climb off her so I'm towering over her.

"That better for you?" I say semi-sarcastically.

"I guess I should have seen that one coming," Amanda mutters. "But then, I forgot how much you seem to welcome near-death situations…particularly when you get out of them against all the odds." I sigh again. She just won't let it drop, will she?

"Look, Amanda, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm the one holding the gun now, so perhaps you could drop the cockily confident act and get on with it?"

"You might be holding the gun…" she begins, smiling unpleasantly. "But who ever said it was loaded?"

"Oh it's loaded," I say confidently. I've held a gun enough times in my life to know whether it's loaded or not, and I've no doubt this one is.

"Try it."

"Don't tempt me."

"Seriously, try to shoot me in the chest…see what happens. Either I'm telling the truth or the bastard who gave it to me lied. It's your call." She looks so confident, giving me that defiant look of hers with her piercing blue eyes. "Go on, Lara." I shake my head.

"No, this is just a get-out-of-jail-free card. I'm not going to make it so easy for you." She sighs.

"You always were a stubborn little bitch, weren't you?"

"If you're trying to provoke me into shooting you, I'm afraid you're going to fail dismally. You're not getting out of this, Amanda!"

"My God, I'm glad it's not genetic," she mutters. What the hell is she on about now?

"What?"

"Tell me, Lara-even with the police statement, how can you be so sure it was me that killed your precious Anaya, because as far as you're concerned, she was as confused as you about me still being alive! It never occurred to you before she'd known all along."

"Anaya might have been a lot of things, but deceitful wasn't one of them."

"And what exactly is so deceitful about trying to get your friend out of that hell-hole?!" Amanda snaps. "You wanna know the truth? _Anaya_ stayed behind when you went to the town, _Anaya_ came back to the pit and _Anaya_ jumped into the lake and helped me to get out!"

"You're lying," I say after an uncomfortable pause.

"Don't sound so sure of yourself though, do you?" she remarks. "She got me out. She got me to a hospital, she made sure I was okay. She did more for me in that one night than you _ever_ did!" I'm about to open my mouth to say something when; "And do you know what really sucks?" No but I'm sure you're going to tell me. "It was that same Anaya, the one I thought I could trust-" Manipulate, you mean. "-who took a gun to my head and threatened to kill me!"

"Now you're just being ridiculous!" I spit.

"Why do you find it so hard to believe, Lara? There's a hell of a lot of things that I would never have believed, but hey, guess what? They're still true!" At least we're getting somewhere on the confession front.

"Like what, Avalon?"

"It's all to do with fucking artefacts with you, isn't it? That was always your problem. You're so absorbed in the past that you're completely missing what's happening right in front of you!"

"Tell me what happened to Anaya," I say calmly.

"There you go again. Don't you even want to know what I mean?"

"With the way you've been monologuing, I'm sure you'd find a way to throw it in somewhere," I say.

"You know what, screw you. Just cos you can't get over the freaking past doesn't mean I have to submit to your demands. You can shoot me if you want-I could give a shit!"

"Tell me what happened!" I snarl. "You can't say that she pointed a gun to your head and expect me to forget it!"

"So you believe me now?"

"Just get to the point, Amanda!"

"Close enough," she smirks. What is the matter with her?! She's turning this into a joke, as though it's funny that she's guilty of killing my friend! If the little slut doesn't start cooperating, she's going to get a lot more than she bargained for!

"I'm warning you, Amanda," I snarl. "Unless you start taking this _very_ seriously, I will shoot you in the chest and just leave you to bleed it out. And trust me-it's very painful. And I'm an expert-I know exactly where to shoot so you don't die instantly!"

"And you would, wouldn't you? You try to make out I'm the monster here, but it's actually you who would leave them to suffer a long death. At least it was a clean break for Anaya."

"You killed her, didn't you?!"

"I told you-she pulled the gun on me!"

* * *

_Amanda's POV_

"_He's-he's gone," I mutter. "Anaya-!" I gasp, for in front of me stands Anaya with a gun in her hand, aiming it at my forehead…_

"_Anaya, what the hell are you doing?" I ask fearfully, shock mingled with panic starting to form. My breathing is laboured and my heart is going three times faster than it should! She doesn't say anything. "Anaya, put the gun down," I say as calmly as I can, but my voice wobbles. "Anaya! Damnit, put it down! Anaya!"_

_She doesn't say anything. She looks calmly ahead, looking straight at me, her hand as steady as a rock. She doesn't move at all-she doesn't shiver from the colder mountain air, she doesn't blink…even her chest doesn't look like it's moving! She's completely rigid._

"_Anaya?" I repeat._

"_I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this," she whispers after an eternity._

"_What-Anaya, what's going on?" I ask, my eyes never leaving the gun. She looks at me sadly. I step closer, heart screaming at me to stop. When she doesn't do anything, I step even closer. "Anaya, we can deal with this-rationally."_

"_What is 'rational' anymore?" she whispers._

"_This sure isn't," I say, taking another step forward._

"_Don't come any closer!" she shouts. I freeze. "I mean it, Amanda," she says shakily. "I will shoot." I nod._

"_Okay," I say as calmly as I can. "Okay." Damnit, I really wish I had my pendant! Hey, I _know_ I'm helpless without it! You don't need to tell me! Without it, I feel so weak…like I'm hopeless, I depended on it. It was my life-raft._

_She's starting to shake. She's not gonna be able to go through with this, I know it. "Anaya," I begin. She doesn't say anything, but nor does she lower the gun. "Anaya, lower the gun, we can talk about this." She doesn't move. "Anaya, please, don't do this. You don't need to do this, you're better than this!" I know it sounds like I'm grovelling-and I guess I sorta am-but something is wrong. Anaya's not usually one to lose it like this, but when she does, it's like she's a freaking high-security mental patient on the loose! "Don't become Lara."_

_At this, she changes from being scared and unsure to full of anger. She points the gun straight at my head. "Anaya, please," I whisper. Suddenly, she lets off a shot. It just misses my ear. "Anaya, stop this!" I shriek. Without really thinking, I start running up to her. She lets off another shot, but I duck and avoid it._

"_This is how it must be," she whispers. "I am sorry…I am a terrible person." Her eyes start to go all blurry and I notice tears running down her dark cheeks. "This is how it must be."_

"_Anaya, what are you talking about?" I ask scaredly. She starts to openly cry, sobbing loudly. I get up and try to walk up to her, but she points the gun at me again. "Anaya, you're not gonna shoot me," I say confidently._

"_Try me!" she shouts tearfully._

"_You don't have it in you to kill someone! You're not Lara! You're not me! You're better than us!"_

"_I am weaker!"_

"_Oh honey, you're not weak." Just stupidly gullible sometimes._

"_No…you do not know what I have done."_

"_Why don't you tell me?"_

"_I have a gun aimed at you! How can you still care for me?!"_

"_I've had guns aimed at me before. I got over it."_

"_They will never forgive me," she whispers. She keeps on whispering it to herself. What is going on?!_

"_Anaya," I say carefully._

"_Will you stop talking to me in that stupid, calm tone?! You're not my fucking therapist, damnit!" she shrieks. "Stop trying to help me! There is no-one who can help me now! I am a terrible person!" I step closer, regardless of her threats of 'if you come any closer!' I stop two paces away from her. I'm not afraid. I'm actually not afraid. I smile at her._

"_It's gonna be okay," I say, still smiling. For one moment, when she just looks down regretfully like they do in the movies, I think to myself 'this is too easy'. Suddenly, she spins around and fires. I crash to the floor, through a reflex I'm not sure. I gasp in pain as a searing pain shoots up my right arm. I look down and see a line of blood running down it. She shot me…she actually shot me._

_I look up at her in shock, feeling like everything's gone into slow motion. "Anaya, no!" My screams are drowned out as another shot pierces the air… _

"Do you seriously, honestly expect me to believe that piece of crap?!" Lara snaps as I'm halfway through.

"I'm not finished yet!" I snap back.

"I don't need to hear the ending to know it's going to be as deep a pile of shit as the rest was!"

"Why do you find it so hard to accept that she drew the gun on me? That she shot _me?_"

"Because Anaya wasn't like that!" she rages.

"That's a pitiful excuse, even from you," I mutter.

"Need I remind you I'm-?"

"Yes I can see that you're holding a gun, Lara! But if you were gonna shoot me, if you thought what I said really was crap, you'd have done it already!"

"That's not true, Amanda-I'd try to get the truth out of you…then I'd shoot you."

"Wow, do you know how to make people bargain with you."

"Well, it's clear you want to die, so consider it a favour, for old time's sake," she says. Oh, Lara, you are so unbelievably stupid sometimes. Just cos someone doesn't care that you're pointing a gun at them for the millionth time doesn't mean they wanna die!

"What is with you and that stupid catchphrase?" I ask her, feeling pissed off. I am getting so _sick _of hearing those words! She's used them on James, on me before and God knows who else!

"Everyone's got to have one," she shrugs. "Now how about you tell me what happened?"

"I already did!" I say angrily. "Just because you're too freaking closed-minded to accept it! It's what happened-she killed herself! You got that?! I didn't shoot her, no random passing guy shot her-she shot _herself!_" By now I'm shouting. What will it _take_ for her to just _believe _that?!

"I don't know why she did it," I continue. "But it's what happened-take it or leave it."

Oh dear, she's looking really pissed off now. It's like I said-she's not strong enough to handle the truth.

"You're telling me she killed herself?" she whispers, not sounding as disbelieving as I thought she would. And I gotta admit, I didn't think we'd be getting around to that bit for a while.

"I didn't see it coming, either, and I've spent a lot of time with her over the past few weeks," I assure her. Why am I trying to make her feel better?

_She has a gun._

Oh, that's right. And, it was sort of a shock, I guess. I mean, I don't really care, but did she have to do it _right _in front of me at the top of a freaking mountain? Not the most convenient place.

"And if I should believe you," she begins, telling me clearly she does, despite her better judgment. "Why did you tell the police it was a murder?"

"This is a way Catholic community, Lara, suicide's a no-no. Do you think she'd have gotten such a dignified send-off if I'd admitted she killed herself?"

"They might not have believed you," she points out.

"Honey, they'd have believed me if I told 'em a polar bear licked her to death." It's true-these Catholics-particularly Anaya's family-are so hell bent on keeping away from lies, they'll believe anything you tell them. Of course if they discovered you were lying, well, that'd be you officially disowned. Seriously, they're so old-school, they thought Anaya was still a virgin when she got married at 27! And according to them, her husband didn't walk out on her, he died and she became a widow. It sounds much more 'admirable' than divorcee, apparently. Anaya's words, not her parents'-they actually believe he is dead. I helped her out of that one. She didn't know how she was gonna tell them, so I jokingly said to tell them he'd died, and she really took to the idea. This is why religion is stupid-she was so scared of what her parents would think if she told the truth, she told a lie, which is kinda worse if you're a believer.

I look up at Lara again, and see her expression has changed. She's not looking so angry anymore, she looks like she's…she throws the gun down to the floor, and collapses against the wall. What the hell is up with her?

"So you believe me now?" I check.

"Not through choice, trust me," she mutters. Whatever.

I think about picking the gun up, but decide against it. This is actually getting pretty civil for Lara, I'd hate to spoil the moment. Besides, I gotta try to keep her sweet-if she's got my pendant, I'd really rather not have to resort to violence to get it back.

"So, is this where it ends?" I ask suddenly.

"What?"

"Do you have some more unfinished business, or can I go?"

"You can do what you fucking want, it's never stopped you before!"

"Oh good," I smile. "My turn." She ignores me. "I think you have a little something of mine, and I'd appreciate if you returned it."

"What of yours could I possibly have?"

"My pendant," I say simply. She looks confused. I sigh. "The skull one? The one that gave me the ability to-"

"I wouldn't touch that thing if you paid me," she interrupts.

"So you're telling me you didn't take it?"

"Sorry," she says, not sounding sorry at all. Damnit, she's not lying. Then who the hell took it?! Anaya didn't…no she can't have done, she wasn't even there! James would've given it back to me…who does-Lily! That thieving little bitch! I guess there are some things you just can't knock out! "A bit flustered, are we?" she mocks. "I never thought I'd see you get so passionate about something-"

"Well, you know what, just because I haven't screwed up everything in my life doesn't mean I don't care!" I snap at her. She stops smiling.

"How dare you talk about my mother like that-again!"

"I'm not talking about your precious mother this time, Lara!" Although that is a good point. "Will you just get over it?! The only possible way for you to get her back would be to not only find a portal but to keep it open long enough to go in and pull her back through!"

"How do you know so much about it?" This surprises me.

"Boy, for someone's who's so desperate to get her mom back, you know surprisingly little about it."

"You'd better tell me everything you know-"

"Or what, you'll threaten me at gunpoint again?"

"Why not, it worked last time!" she hisses. Our faces are only a few centimeters apart and she glares at me. I don't bat an eyelid.

"And just what exactly do you expect to hear, Lara? Detailed instructions on how to do it? Don't you think if I knew, I'd have done it myself already?"

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"I don't have time for this," I sigh. I should get back to the wake anyhow. We've been gone long enough.

"Leaving it again, are we? What, you gonna come back to _this_ in twenty years time?" she shouts after me. I ignore her as I walk away. "Is it just easier for you to walk away?"

"You're really testing my patience, Amanda!" I warn, spinning around to face her.

"Is that what you did with your mother? You just walked away and didn't dig it up again for thirty years?" A small rage is beginning to form in the pit of my stomach, and my fists clench in anger.

"You know, coming from someone who can't let Paraíso lie, that's quite rich."

"Oh, honey, I'm not just digging it up again now…I never forgave you for it. Out of everyone in my life, you were the only I thought I could trust…and then you just left me to rot."

"Is that what's made you such a vicious cow? Had I not 'abandoned' you as you so lightly put it, would we be able to have a decent conversation?" I contradict incredulously.

"Put it this way-I never felt like I wanted to shoot Anaya just to get rid of my rage."

"Then you'll be very angry for the rest of your life, so even if I cared, there'd be nothing I could do for you," I say conclusively, picking up the gun. "And I think I'll keep this if you don't mind. I'd hate for your 'rage' to slip out of control and shoot me."

"Yeah, you're right," she says as I walk away. "Why go for you when there's an easier target?" Right now, I would love to turn around and ask her what she's on about, but I won't give her the satisfaction. Although I'm glad to see my recent depression hasn't taken away my confrontational skills. I'll admit, it could have gone a lot more violently, but I got the truth in the end…and as much as I hate to admit it, I think it _is_ the truth. Amanda always was very good at being truthful when she had a gun pointed at her. She didn't kill Anaya-she may be a killer, but she's not as ruthless as she likes to think she is. She likes to think she could swipe someone aside if they bothered her, but she hasn't got what it takes-not anymore at least. She's been lost since the pendant went missing. She's like a drug addict-she depended on it to survive.

Sad, isn't it?

* * *

_Amanda's POV_

It's such a shame she decided to just walk away…again. Well, to hell with her. I could give a shit what she does next. She doesn't have my pendant-trust me, if she did, she'd be bragging about it-so I think that concludes our business.

I snigger to myself. If only it were that simple. She can walk away, but I can almost guarantee within the next year, it'll be something new. She doesn't let things go. I'm done with her, but she's not done with me, I can tell.

Next thing you know, she'll be interrogating me about her daughter. You know, I was so close to bursting out that I knew about her, but then I just figured 'hey, what would it accomplish?' It would just be a very childish thing to do in this case. Besides, she's still dealing with her mother. Bringing up her daughter might just have been a little much for her. I don't think she'll ever really be able to come to terms with it. That she has a daughter, and not only that, but that she's right here! She walked away from Lily, as well, without saying a word.

But to hell with her. Lara can walk away all she wants, but we'll catch up to her.

It's not over yet.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I walk back into the main room in pursuit of Kurtis. I probably shouldn't have left him unattended, he's bound to have done something stupid in the time it took for Amanda and I to 'settle our differences'. Not that they've been settled, of course, they'll be another confrontation, I've no doubt about it, but for now, I'm content. Enough.

I truly believe she didn't kill Anaya. I won't repeat a word of what was said to anyone, though, not even Kurtis. Discovering it wasn't murder, but suicide, can be worse for some, and I'd really rather not have to burden her parents with more to deal with. I actually agree with Amanda-would Anaya's send-off have been so, well, admirable, for want of a better word, if her parents knew she'd committed suicide? I really wouldn't want to be in the position to say, but it would only stir things up if I mentioned it, so I won't say anything.

And she had a good life. Hers was one of the better-off families in La Paz, she established herself as an excellent engineer quite early in life. She became an apprentice to an American firm aged 23, after she graduated from NYU. It was shortly after the Paraíso dig. After her apprenticeship, she was offered a job, but only stayed there seven years as she wanted to return home. It had provided enough qualifications for her to be offered numerous jobs back in La Paz. She accepted one only six weeks after her return and has been at that firm since. Nine years she worked there…I suppose it's not that long, when you think about it. But she did have that previous job…and her apprenticeship, not to mention her degree studies.

God, listen to me. I sound like I'm reading off her obit! But, her parents have made their peace-as much as they can, at least-with what's happened. There's no need to go upsetting them by telling them she committed suicide.

It's strange, though. This was, what, seven weeks ago? And only exactly five weeks ago today, _I _tried to commit suicide…it's just…strange. The only difference is, tragically, she succeeded. She didn't have anyone brave enough, who loved her enough, with her to try and stop her. There was just Amanda, who, let's face it, values her own life before anybody else's. If it was a choice between Anaya's suicide or her risking her life to try and save Anaya's, well…you know what happened.

"Lara?" I turn to see Kurtis coming towards me. "Uh, Zip just called, he-"

"Don't worry about it," I interrupt. "It doesn't matter."

"But he's made a break-"

"So have I. I know what happened."

"Really?" He looks quite shocked yet also strangely elated by it. "Well, what?"

"Sorry, but it's strictly personal business. I'm not going to tell anyone. It would just upset things," I say, though not really apologetically.

"What, so you expect me to just drop it?" he says disbelievingly.

"I'm hoping you will," I admit.

"Sorry, it doesn't work like that. Zip, me-everyone have been working hard to get to the bottom of this, to help _you_ get to the bottom of this, now you know, and it's suddenly case closed?"

"Exactly," I reply, taking a sip of water from my glass. He looks like he's about to argue again, so I intervene. "Why does it even bother you so much? It's not like you knew her-particularly well, at least."

"You'd be surprised, Lara."

"Care to elaborate?"

"For your information, I dated her for a while." At that, I spit the water back into the glass. What-?!

"Excuse me?!" He shrugs.

"Why are you so surprised? It's not like I was a celibate till I found you-again."

"It's just very coincidental," I say. "Did you know she knew me?"

"Not everything's about you, you know," he says coldly and walks off. What was that about?

"Kurtis, what-?" I begin, but he's gone. Jesus, he can't be _that_ bothered, can he? So I won't tell him how she died, there's no reason to get so pissy about it!

_A gun springs to mind._

Well that was different. She's been my best friend for years, she-

_And she was his girlfriend for a while, before he came to England. She's important to _him_, too._

I'm being hypocritical, aren't I?

_Very._

Well, I suppose I could tell him-

_Don't, because then, before you know it, he'll insist on her parents having a right to know, and it'll spread faster than the plague. He'll get over it eventually, he'll accept you have your reasons-just let him be for a bit._

I still don't know if it's me who's being the voice or if it actually exists. Well, either way it makes sense. I'll just leave him to cool down for a bit-it's not like we're in a rush to leave. Besides, I'd like another look at the Tiwanaku research I made here before climbing the mountain. The library must still have the files. It could prove very useful when translating the scrolls-

Oh God, I've forgotten all about them! Since receiving them from Alister, I haven't done a single bloody thing on them! I've really lost track of things in the past few months. I'm supposed to be tracking down another dais, and what have I done? Sod-all.

_Give yourself a break, a lot's happened._

And the more I use that as an excuse, the less gets done! Yes, it's happened, but that's just the point-_happened_. It's past tense, it's over and done with! I've _got_ to stop using the bloody coma and the Lily situation as excuses! Anyone would think I didn't _want_ to find another way into Avalon with the way I've been holding back! I haven't exactly been moving at my usual pace, have I?

Well from now on, it takes priority. I don't care what comes up, I don't care what arises, I need to focus on those scrolls and on finding another dais, or at least an alternative entrance to Avalon. I'm going to finish what I set out to do four months ago…even if it means shunting everything else aside, including Lily. I mean, let's be honest, it was never going to work, not properly. She's smart, I'm sure she already knows that. And if she doesn't, she'll have to make her peace with it. My mother comes first-

_I'm sure she thinks the same._

Then she should understand how important _my_ mother is to me.

_But you're the adamant daughter, just like she is. You know what it's like to be searching endlessly for your mother, you know what it's like to be disappointed when it doesn't work. And you also know the determination when it comes to finding your mother._

She's found me.

_Has she? Because it hasn't succeeded. What she set out to do was to meet you, talk to you, get to know you-you're not giving her the chance._

She's met me, she's spoken to me and there's enough articles on me for her to be able to write my sodding biography! Anyway, I'm not ready to be a mother! I _can't _be her mother.

_Like it or not, Lara, you _are_ her mother-and she's not going to let you go just like that, as you wouldn't with yours._

She'll have to accept it.

_Are you?_

There's a really good chance of finding my mother-

_She's in Avalon! It's not like you can just hop on a plane and see her, she's in a completely different dimension! But _you're_ here-there's a chance for her, or at least that's how she sees it._

Then I'll have to set her straight-

_After apologising? It would break her heart-and you've done enough of that recently._

Shut up!

Anyway, it's not like I owe any obligations to her-I didn't lead her on, make any promises at all. She'll get over it. I haven't been a model mother in the time we've known each other, have I? She won't miss me. She'll move on…with Rutland and probably Amanda, assuming of course she wasn't just using him. Honestly, I don't see the big attraction, other than his wealth and her power, which has receded since she lost that pendant of hers.

I wonder what did happen to it, actually-I wasn't lying when I said I didn't take it. I picked it up, yes, but I never took it with me. That was a bit stupid of me, actually-I knew Amanda wasn't dead, I just wasn't thinking clearly.

"Lara?" Someone puts their hand on my shoulder and I turn, expecting to see Kurtis, when I come face-to-face with Rutland!

"What do you want, Rutland?" I say coldly, shoving his hand off my shoulder. I don't want him touching me! I can't stand to be near him!

"I need to talk to you," he replies, grabbing my arm, as though trying to lead me away. I wrench free of his grip.

"Anything you want to say you can say right here."

"You sure? It might get very noisy."

"Well, I've got nothing to hide. Or are you worried I'll bring to light your…activities?"

"Just shut up, bitch," he snarls, grabbing my arm again, clutching it tighter so no matter how hard I try, I can't break free. He begins to lead me out. Only a few weeks ago, I'd have found this situation laughable! Now I feel terrified…

_Get a grip, it was bloody years ago!_

He pushes me into a secluded room, and shuts the door behind him.

"Well, what do you want?" I ask as steadily as I can.

"I want you stay away from her," he says simply. Who, Amanda?

"If I find I have yet more unfinished business with her, I'm afraid no amount of petty warnings from you will stop me from pursuiting her!" I reply, starting to smile. If he thinks he can threaten me enough so I'll leave Amanda alone, well, it'll take a lot more than that and a bad memory!

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"What the hell are _you_ talking about?!"

"My daughter," he says plainly. I shiver at the word. "Not used to the idea, huh? Good, that'll make this easier. I want you stay away from her." I snort.

"Since when did you dictate who I forged relationships with?"

"I'm being serious, Lara. Stay away from my daughter. I don't want you to see her, to phone her, or in fact, to contact her in any way at all."

"I'm the wrong person for you to be giving the 'first boyfriend' speech to, Rutland," I say confidently.

"If you're so confident, why can't you say that word?" he smirks. It's him, isn't it? It's because of bloody _him_ I'm so awkward about it! "Didn't think you'd answer. Well, seeing as I freak you out so much, here's a deal. Stay away from my daughter, you'll never see me again. But if you come near her or try to make a relationship, she's not just gonna drop me. I'm always gonna be there, in the background. If you think you can handle that, fine, go ahead. Otherwise, quit leading her on. I don't want her to get hurt."

"I haven't led her-"

"That's all I gotta say," he says firmly, and exits, though not without winking at me as he leaves. It's a good job I am 'freaked out' as he so callously phrased it, or I swear I would have gone over there and punched him so hard he'd have needed a rhinoplasty before very long!

Well, screw him! He's right, he has just made this a lot easier! I'm not so petty I'd do the exact opposite of what he said. I'm my own woman, and once my mind is made up, it's made up.

I take a deep breath and compose myself. I straighten my dress and wipe the smudged make-up off around my eyes.

Once again, I go in pursuit of Kurtis as I re-enter the main room. Now, where did he head off to?

* * *

He's still in a huff, would you believe it? I don't know if it's _me_ in particular, or if he's just being generally moody, but since the wake three days ago, he's hardly said a bloody word! He didn't say anything at the hotel, on the plane or now as we're headed back in a taxi. We were lucky enough to be able to catch a flight back to Midlands Airport. Any better would have been Birmingham, so that's quite good.

I never did look up the research. I've got a copy of it here, and I've got to be honest, it was just an excuse to stay in La Paz. And Kurtis seemed quite keen to be off, from his reaction when I told him there was a flight (i.e. he grunted in response!) I was getting fed up of his behaviour so I booked them, although the thought of only buying one ticket did cross my mind a couple of times!

"Hello!" I call as we enter the house. The entrance hall seems empty-there's no sign of Winston at the fireplace or Zip in the computer room. Well, it's not like I expected a welcome-home party-I neglected to tell them we were flying back today!

I walk in further and take a look at the newspapers that have piled up. Funny, Winston usually cleans them up-and there's stacks of mail! Christ, you'd think we'd all been away.

After glancing at the envelopes, I deduce that most of them are junk mail. I turn to throw them in the bin in the next room when I spy Alister in an armchair, sitting silently and still, staring into the empty fireplace.

"Hello, Alister," I greet. He doesn't reply. What is it with men and giving me the silent treatment?

"Hey, Lara!" I hear Zip greet enthusiastically.

"Well, at least someone's glad to see me," I smile. He opens up his arms and I hug him.

"Where's Kurt?"

"Getting the luggage." He nods. "What's up with Alister?" I whisper. He shrugs.

"No idea. He's been like that for days."

"And it never occurred to you to ask?"

"Well I-he's usually this quiet!" he argues. I sigh and shake my head. That's Zip for you, I suppose.

"Are you all right, Alister?" I ask. Now that I take a closer look at him, he's not just moody, he looks shell-shocked. "Alister?" I crouch down beside him. "What's happened?" For a moment, all that can be heard is his heavy breathing.

"Dude, you okay?" Zip joins in, crouching on his other side. I take Alister's hand and he stirs. He looks right at me. I smile. He doesn't seem to acknowledge it and looks away again.

"Alister, what's wrong?" I repeat. He mutters something inaudible. "Alister?"

"Marina's…" he repeats quietly and fearfully. "Pregnant."

* * *

_And just to clarify for those will likely kill me (i.e. just about all of you) I have taken refuge in a very homey crater-hole place in the depths of Hungary...which is very hard to see! Fortunately, it has Internet access, so don't neglect the reviews! LOLX_


	23. Lily Pad

_Disclaimer: Sniff! I'm at the-sniff-end and it's still-sniff-not mine! If you have any ideas of torture or persuasion, tell me!_

_jacob love: I don't think you thought it through...see, if I die, how am I supposed to upload this chapter? hmm...? thanks 4 reviewing anyway lolx!_

_Team-chaser: You never fail to disappoint, my dear. Although, a very well controlled review, I must admit lol. And as for those aliens-thank u, i shall take it as a compliment! And please don't kill me with...lemonade bottles? thanks 4 reviewing lolx!_

_Sweet Christabel: Ah, but what if my crater hole is very, VERY well hidden? (especially as it's not actually in Hungary...) And thanks, I hope this one also meets to your satisfaction...and what exactly will save me, I have to ask? thanks 4 reviewing lolx!_

_The Third Demi-God: Finally, some empathy! And Kurtis wouldn't really steal all your Final Fantasies...my God, after stealing all your Sonic games, he'd have to leave you something! And I'm glad my story makes you fall off your chair a lot, as you apparently seem to enjoy it...thanks 4 reviewing lolx!_

_A/N See the end (or bottom, either)

* * *

_

_Kurtis's POV_

You know, all through my life, I have been surrounded by hormonal women! My mother was like this freaking hurricane at times! (but she lived with my father, so I guess she had some sort of excuse). There was my kindergarten teacher, Mrs Knight, who would seriously come in crying on some days. It was only after my first few Sex Ed classes that I began to understand why.

And don't even get me _started_ on some of the women I've dated! Okay, to be fair, mostly I'm talking about were teenage girls, most of whom were so flattered I'd asked them out, it's only natural for them to get a bit emotional, but there have been some full grown women who have gone crying or all weird on me for no reason. But out of all those women (including a _very_ tearful virgin who tried to claim I'd taken advantage of her!) none of them suffered as many mood swings as I've seen Lara go through! Seriously, it is like, one minute she's crying cos she can't do something alone, and the next she's all calm and kinda smug cos she knows something you don't. And the way she expects you to just 'drop it' is really starting to irritate me! That girl has had _way_ too many servants in her life!

What's stupid is, cos of her lifestyle, I thought she'd have escaped this like she's escaped 'basic etiquette'. To tell you the truth, I'm a little disappointed. I really expected better of her.

Now, Anaya, she was never like that. No, you always knew where you stood with her. For the three months we dated, she didn't lose control or…she stayed the same. I swear, if it hadn't been for the tampons she once made me buy, I would have completely forgotten she had periods.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like she was this robot or something, who had like, no feelings whatsoever, she was just _so_ much better at controlling them! And she was always smiling-that was the best bit about her, she always smiled. She had stresses, obviously, she was VP of her company, but she didn't let it get her down. She was the sorta person to try and enjoy life, y'know? Left her work at work and all that. It was only right before we broke up she changed…I'd just like to make it clear for those feminists out there who think I'm a sexist pig that _she_ broke up with _me_.

I would have asked her to move in with me. Hell, I was _gonna_ ask her to move in with me! Okay, strictly speaking, I didn't exactly _have _a place, but still! It would have been a step forward, and one of the few women I've wanted to do that with. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, seeing as I'm 30…okay, okay, 31!

I think that's one of the reasons I left Bolivia, actually. Cos we broke up. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't so pissed or immature I couldn't stand to be around her, I just felt it was time to move on. Besides, I had a friend to visit. And Lily inviting me over to England was just the extra push I needed. I thought 'to hell with it-there's nothing for me here, might as well move on'. Actually, if it hadn't been for Anaya, I'd have been gone _way_ back! I had a little business to 'clear up' in La Paz. It was the same night I met her, actually.

I gotta be honest…I was a mercenary again back then. But I'd been planning to pack it in after this tragic case in the States, where the job went horribly wrong and we ended up having to slaughter the entire family instead of just the target! I swore to myself-and my boss-that I would never do it again. But then the bastard promised me great retirement cash if I sorted out this drug lord for him in Bolivia. I had nothing else to do, and I really needed the money, so I went for it. I'm not proud that I fell for it, believe me. What a bust it was-the guy wasn't a freaking drug lord! He was just some druggie who hadn't paid his bills, and it was the drug lord who wanted him dealt with! I was so disgusted with myself, I just-I hated myself when I realised what I'd done. If I'd been some TV hero, I'd have thrown the cheque back in the guy's face, but I really needed the money. I anonymously donated some of it to the bereaved family's fund, though-their son had been their only bacon-bringer. I neglected to tell them he was a junkie and could have afforded a much better lifestyle for them.

I did what almost every guy does-I went to the nearest bar to drown my sorrows…and well, let's just say I drowned a lot more than my sorrows. I won't go into detail, I've already said way too much. I'm not even gonna go into how I felt when I found out it had been her-

"Kurtis, will you grab the luggage, please?" Lara asks as she gets out.

"Whatever Her Majesty requests," I mutter sarcastically. She looks back at me, but I don't know if she heard me or not. Well, to hell with her if she did. I got more important things to worry about.

I do as I'm told, though, and when the cab driver opens up the trunk and reaches for the baggage, I stop him. "I got it," I tell him. I hand him his money (criminal charges, I gotta tell you! It would cost this much to get to JFK from Canada in the States!) with a tip (hell, it's on Lara's tab). He doesn't make any reaction, but just grabs the money and counts it, checking a note occasionally. "That good enough for you?" I say as he finishes.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you, sir," he says in a monotonous voice. Protocol, obviously.

"Glad it was for someone," I mumble and remove all the luggage, closing the trunk. The cabbie gets into his car and drives off, blowing exhaust fumes into my face. "Fantastic." I pick up our suitcases and head into the house.

I walk in to find Zip and Lara crouched down beside a chair, looking concerned. What's going on here? Someone whispers something. "Alister?" Lara prompts.

"Marina's…pregnant," Alister whispers. Ooh…that's bad timing. Zip looks like he's just seen a video of him making out with a girl and Lara looks like she's just seen her long-lost kid. Yeah, it's not _that_ shocking, you know! It _does _happen!

_Oh you're just pissed off._

"Oh, man, I'm sorry," Zip says after a long silence. No-one has noticed I'm here, listening in, yet. "But you know, sometimes, women do cheat. It's a basic flaw of their gender. That's why I go for the more admirable race." Jeez, he's really set himself new records!

"With my child, Zip," Alister clarifies.

"Oh," Zip says. "Oh!" Got there, did you?

"When did you find out?" our ever-inquiring Lara begins with. Like that matters!

"Yesterday," Alister replies quietly. "She just…rang me up, told me to meet her at the hospital and then she blurted it out."

"Well, what did she say?"

"Something along the lines of 'I'm pregnant'." I smirk. I didn't know he had sarcasm in him. She sighs.

"Well, what are you going to do? You've got loads to think about-is she going to keep it, does she want you to be involved-?"

"I don't bloody know what I'm going to do, Lara!" he snaps. "And you think I don't _know_ I've got lots to think about?! I mean, how the _hell _am I supposed to react to this?!" No-one talks for several minutes.

"You could try turning gay," Zip mutters. We all look at him. "What, I'm serious! There have been many an old man turn gay cos he couldn't deal with the pregnancy of a younger woman!"

"Name one," Lara contradicts.

"Well…there would be Alister," he argues weakly.

"If this is just your way of trying to hint you're attracted to Alister-"

"Well, you gotta love the way he gets all stressed about things. It would be the funnest relationship I've been in," Zip smiles.

"I am here, you know!" Alister cuts in.

"Yep, we know." Alister does a load of dramatic hand gestures before crashing back down into the chair.

"Zip, could you _please_ try to be serious for once?!" Lara scolds.

"What are you getting at _me_ for?! He's the one who's got himself knocked up at 37!"

"Exactly!"

"I'm not-hey, Kurt," he greets, looking right at me. Lara turns back and notices me as well.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asks. I shrug.

"Do you want an exact time or would 'about five minutes' suffice?" She frowns at my sarcasm, but turns away and gives Alister her full attention again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she says bravely.

"What's there to talk about? I already know what I've got to do-make a decision," Alister replies.

"Well, of course, but, you can talk to us, if you need to," she offers.

"Thanks, Lara, but I don't think you're the best person to talk to about their children," he says coldly. She flinches away and stands up like she's been shocked. What's the big deal? It's not like she has any!

"Um, I'm going up to bed," she announces after a moment's silence. "Jet lag." I raise my eyebrows. I gotta admit, I thought she'd fight back, but I guess he really hit a nerve. Even Zip is frowning at him. What is with these people and their little silences where someone says something and the other goes off? It's like a freaking soap opera!

"Dude, what the hell was that for?" Zip begins as soon as Lara's outta sight.

"What?"

"She was just trying to-"

"Yeah, well, you know what, I'm getting fed up of everyone just 'trying to'! Let _me_ deal with this, all right?!" And-doing a very typical 'pissed off, I'm so troubled' walk, he walks out too.

Zip mutters something in reply, crashing down onto the couch, and picking up a magazine. "Hey, how was the trip, dude?" he asks me.

"It was a funeral."

"Okay, how was the funeral?" he corrects impatiently. I shake my head. "Oh don't walk out on me as well!"

"Sorry, man," I smile apologetically.

"I'll give you a beer?"

"Not everything is about goddamn beer!" I snap, feeling my emotions rise to the surface. He gives me an odd look.

"Who pinged your bra strap?" I hear him mutter as I go outside.

* * *

_Zip's POV_

Man, what's _up_ with everyone today? The only person who hasn't yelled at me is Winston-and that's cos I haven't even seen him! Where did he go actually? I swear I haven't seen him since Lara left! Well, he always was very quiet…he's kinda easy to miss sometimes.

Oh, don't look at me like that, okay, I'm there when it's really important! Like that time Lara and Alister broke up-I was there, I comforted her, had a talk with him and everything. And I have been Lara's…confidante, if you will, for a while now. Like, if she needs one, I'm there.

I know what I said was inappropriate, it was a stupid thing to do and I wish I hadn't done it. But you gotta admit, it was a little funny. I guess I'm just not used to seeing Alister in a crisis, you know. I mean, getting his girlfriend of, like, five weeks, pregnant after only their first time of sleeping together? That's just a classic!

She's gonna get an abortion, you just know it. You can see it a mile off. She's what, in her twenties, probably has only just really started her career as a nurse, and she finds herself pregnant with a 40 year old as the father? What would you do in her situation? I just hope Alister hasn't grown on fatherhood-I would hate to see him broken like that. Take it from me, it hurts when that happens. And you can quit giving me the third degree with your eyes, cos I'm not saying anymore.

* * *

"Alister?" I say quietly outside his door. I hear a grunt and take this as a cue to go inside. "You okay, man?" 

"Never better," he mumbles.

"I'm serious, dude. Are you okay?"

"My girlfriend's pregnant and I'm 37-what's there not to be okay about?"

"Well, everything you just said," I state obviously, sitting down on his bed next to him. I kinda half expected him to be standing up looking out the window, with his hands behind his back, like a professor waiting for the bad kid to come in. He's hugging his knees to his chest and looks so freaked-it's kinda cute, actually. It just makes you wanna hug him like you would a little kid and tell him it'll all be okay.

"There's not much I can do about the age," he points out.

"No," I agree. "But there is with the pregnancy thing."

"What _can_ I do?" he asks desperately. "It's her body-it's up to her what she wants to do."

"What, so if she decided to get an abortion, you'd be cool with it?"

"It's her body," he repeats.

"And I'm asking, how would you feel if she did get an abortion?" He shrugs.

"I don't know. Relieved, I suppose."

"Really?"

"Yes," he says obviously. "I'm not ready to be a father!" he bursts out. I nod. He gets up and starts pacing nervously.

"Do you want to be a father?"

"What sort of question is that?"

"I'm just saying, you're getting old, this could be your last chance."

"Why thank you for that confidence-boosting comment, Zip."

"Sorry," I smile, but he's not even looking.

"No," he says after a long silence.

"No what?"

"No, I don't want her to have an abortion," he admits. "I don't feel ready to be a father, either, but I'd get used to it." I don't say anything. What can you say? "I've thought about it, and…well, look it doesn't matter how I feel, does it? It's her body, so if she wants to get an abortion, then, I won't stand in the way."

"It might be her body," I begin. "But it's _your_ baby. You have some rights, you know."

"Well, I got her into this mess, so I should help her get out of it," he argues feebly.

"What if that means by telling her you'll support her?"

"I am!"

"I meant if she kept the baby," I explain.

"But it's not as simple as that, is it? All right, say she keeps the baby, then what? What when it's born? Who'll look after it, and when? There's so much to think about! If she keeps this child, I'd probably have to move out into her flat!"

"She could move in here," I suggest.

"Oh yeah. I'll just go up to Lara and say 'oh, by the way, can the mother of my child-you know, the one I technically cheated on with you-move in with our screaming baby? Thanks, you're the best!'"

"Well not if you say it like that," I mumble.

"And besides that, am I ready for a proper relationship with her? What we've been doing so far, we've just been fooling around. We only slept together twice!"

"Well, be that-twice? I thought it was only once?" I say confusedly. He shakes his head. "Huh," I mutter thoughtfully. "Anyway, be that as it may, you're right, that is one of the most important questions you gotta ask yourself; are you ready for a relationship with her?" He gives me an odd look. "Cos that's what it would mean, you said so yourself." He doesn't say anything, but keeps giving me odd looks. Yeah, I can give advice!

"Okay," I begin again. "What you gotta ask yourself is, which would you prefer? A commitment to mother and child…or none, cos if you don't get committed to her, that's probably what it would result in."

"Not necessarily," he says desperately. "We could share custody."

"Of course you could," I agree. "But she's about to be a mother for the first time-do you really think she'd accept that? You don't even know if she wants to keep this baby!"

"I-she does!" he argues. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "Well, at least I think she does. I mean, be fair, if she really didn't want this baby, she wouldn't have told me about it, would she? There must be a small part of her that wants to keep it if she's told me."

"Do you want her to keep it?" I ask. He shakes his head. "Dude, it's cool if you're not sure yet, but don't leave it too long, you know? Did she say anything else?"

"Like what?"

"Like-if you don't get involved, she'll definitely have an abortion, or when you need to answer her?"

"She said I could be as involved as I wanted and to take my time." I nod. Smooth answer, I gotta admit, Marina. That's so the line to use if you want it, cos it makes the guys think that it was all their idea!

"Okay then," I nod. I get up.

"Where are you going?"

"Dude, as much as I'd love to make this decision for you, this is something you gotta do on your own."

"I know that, I just-it doesn't matter," he says shiftily.

"I mean, I can stay and we can talk about it some more if you want?" I offer. He shakes his head.

"Thanks, Zip, but you've done more than enough," he smiles. "It's a bit clearer now."

"Cool-catch you later, dude."

* * *

"Hey, Lara," I greet. Like I thought, she's not in bed at all. Come on, it wouldn't take a blind and deaf person to not see through it! You could practically smell the tension…no, that's taste. Oh, whatever! But just in case, I did give her a few hour's grace. 

"Afternoon, Zip," she smiles. She's sitting on her sofa, hugging her knees to her chest like Alister. It's kinda uncanny actually-except I'm guessing she hasn't been like this since she got here like poor Alister was.

"How you doing?"

"Fine," she nods. "It's good to be back."

"What, even with all this drama?" She snorts.

"You should have been in Bolivia," she mutters.

"Yeah, how was that, anyway?"

"Well, it was a funeral," she replies, quoting Kurt almost word for word. "It was very…" her voice trails off.

"Did you get to say goodbye?" I ask. She nods.

"Yes."

"Then that's what matters, right?" She shrugs.

"I saw…Amanda there," she says quietly. Ooh, that's bad.

"Yeah, about that-the police records say-"

"I don't want to know," she interrupts. I nod. "I-I also saw Lily." Lily, Lily-Lily! Oh, I remember!

"Oh…well how do you feel about that?"

"I really couldn't say," she says, half-smiling. "How would you feel?"

"Well, a little shocked, I guess...maybe a little guilty cos of-hey, hey, come on!" God, I never meant to get her crying! I sit down beside her and pull her into my arms, but she pushes away and stands up.

"Sorry," she mutters, grabbing a tissue. "My emotions have been on top of me lately."

"Well you were due," I point out.

"What's happening to me, Zip?" she bursts out suddenly. "Why, in these past four months, has everything come crashing down on me? My mother, Lily, the coma I was probably due a long time ago, Anaya, even Alister! We went from being best friends to lovers to people who can't even be in the same room as each other! Where's the logic in that, Zip? Where's the justice that they should come to haunt me at once?"

"Hey, they only need to haunt you if you let them," I say comfortingly, but I don't go near her. She's holding her palm up to me.

"Well, then why am I letting them? A few years ago, they wouldn't have bothered me, I'd have just swept them under the carpet!"

"Cos it's all happening at once," I explain. "You're gonna feel overwhelmed."

"What should I do? If you care to remember, Zip, I tried to commit suicide not too long ago because it got too much! And that was with _half _the problems! What am I going to do next?! Why can't I deal with this?!"

"You're not used to it, Lara, you usually just ignore them. You're just not familiar with facing your demons! And that is a hell of a lot happened."

"I want to move on from this, Zip-all of it," she tells me. "You're right, I'm not accustomed to this, and I'm sick of it! I just-I have to focus on my mother!"

"So do that."

"And what about the rest?"

"The Alister thing was always gonna be awkward, but you guys are best friends, you'll get over it. Anaya-I'm sorry, but it's over now. There's no more you can do. The coma's over, too, you're recovering and gaining strength all the time. Your mother's the one you're focusing on and..." I break off.

"And Lily?"

"Yeah, I can't help you there," I say apologetically. "I don't really know the full story about what's going on between you guys."

"What more is there to know?" she says sceptically. "She's-oh God, I never told you, did I?" she whispers to herself.

"Told me what?" She shakes her head. "No, tell me," I persuade her gently. "I'm a good listener."

"I know that much," she smiles. "But are you sure you want to remain my agony aunt, because I think this oversteps the mark."

"Then why am I still here?" I point out.

"You haven't heard it yet," she warns me. I give her my most pleading look, but she just gives me that 'seriously' look of hers she does so well.

"I've gotta learn that doesn't work on you," I make a note to myself, making her laugh a little. "Hey, I got you laughing look."

"Oh, Zip, I'm laughing at the ridiculous irony of the situation."

"What?" I ask interestedly. She stops and looks at me, looking all serious. You know in TV movies and soap operas, whenever the dude gives 'em that look, you just know something big is gonna be dropped on the poor arsehole who's listening. And with the way everything's been going lately-or just Lara's life in general-I have no doubt, and am strangely scared, that this is gonna be no exception.

She takes a deep breath, and for a moment I wanna stop her, but then I kick myself. Whatever it is, it can't be too terrible, right? I mean, honestly how many more skeletons can this woman have? It can't be anything I haven't seen before.

"Lily's my daughter, Zip," she says quietly.

* * *

_Lara's POV_

"Lily's my daughter, Zip," I confess, feeling as though a huge lead weight has been lifted off my chest. "And Rutland's the father." This will sound stupid, but I actually feel like I can breathe freer, having let it out. It's not the same story for poor Zip, though.

For a moment he makes no movement, staring at me with wide eyes as I anticipated. I think about going on-I had a whole speech planned-but one glance at his shocked expression stops me. This is hard enough to digest clearly, I think hearing the rest would result in his heart attack! "Zip?"

"How-what, how?" he babbles. "How do you know?" I shake my head.

"I don't really," I admit. "But…it adds up. She's from New York, which is where her adoptive parents took her to live. She's the right age, she…she even has my bloody eyes! And then there's her name-I know for a fact her adoptive parents called her Lily."

"That's not a lot to go on," he says cautiously. Best to be cautious, he is treading on very thin ice here!

"But even with all that aside, I just-I just _know_, Zip. I may not have raised her, but that maternal instinct never goes away, clearly. I look at her, and…I actually see a bit of myself in her." He doesn't say anything. "Besides, why would someone lie about this? What could they possibly gain by telling me they were my long-lost daughter?"

"Your money?"

"Then why persist it when I told her I wanted nothing to do with her?" I contradict. "Those who knew me-and they'd have to know me bloody well to know I even _had_ a daughter!-would know that when my mind's made up, it's made up. Only very exceptional cases could cause me to change it."

"Such as a long-lost daughter?" he suggests, almost sarcastically.

"What are you saying?" I whisper dangerously.

"Oh, come on, Lara, just look at the evidence! There's not enough to go on!"

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"What, no, no!"

"Gullible?"

"Lara, I'm not saying that, okay, but come on, you are kinda being taken for a ride here! Don't you think it a teensy bit suspicious that it just happens to be _Rutland_, a sworn enemy who's claiming to be her father? Did you ever actually take a test?"

"There was no need, I didn't-"

"Don't you think it's a little coincidental that like, one week, after the Bolivia fiasco, some girl claiming to be yours and Rutland's daughter comes knocking at the door?" he continues.

"Well what would there be to be achieved from it?" I argue.

"Revenge? Hoping you'll give up Excalibur because of it? I dunno, Lara, but sometimes you don't need a reason to do these things-there are just some people out there who-"

"How could Rutland have possibly known if he wasn't the father?" I point out. He looks thoughtful for a minute, but then pipes up;

"Amanda. I take it she knew, right?" Yes, she knew. She was there when…oh God…is he right? "Lara, I'm sorry, I know it's insensitive of me but I don't wanna see you get hurt."

"I'm not hurt," I say half-laughingly. "I never wanted anything to do with her anyway. It's actually quite a relief." I look into his face to see his reaction. He looks surprised, but also like 'right. Okay.'

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!" I smile. "Thank you so much, Zip-you've just saved me bloody months of agonising over this. Imagine if I'd never figured it out myself-who knows what would have happened!"

"Well, I'm glad I could help?" he says uncertainly.

"You did," I say surely. He nods.

"Okay, then," he announces, clapping his hands together. "Would it be inappropriate if I offered you a beer?" I smile.

"Not at all," I tell him. "Just give me a second. I just want to get changed." He nods, and shoots me a smile as he exits, which I return. When he's gone, I exhale deeply, in a loud sigh. I shake my head to rid myself of the lightheadedness and head to my wardrobe. It's so good to be home.

* * *

Alister comes down about half an hour later, just as Zip and I are in a rather uncontrollable fit of giggles….over him, actually. We try to clam up as we see him approach, and I try my hardest not to look at him, because I know if I do, I'll just burst out laughing again. I see out of the corner of my eye Zip is starting to shake and it takes all my self control not to follow suit. I plant a big smile on my face to conceal the laughter. 

"All right, Alister?" I ask, desperately attempting to sound innocent.

"Much better, thank you," he replies politely. That does it-before we can stop ourselves, Zip and me have burst into giggles again. We were just talking about the time Alister was in prison and coming up with some rather…far-fetched theories, shall we say? "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I say unconvincingly. "It's not actually that funny," I add, pulling a straight face. Zip doesn't have so much luck.

"Where are you going, dude?" he asks in an attempt to calm down.

"The hospital-to see Marina." I stop smiling, as does Zip. Well, at least it was effective even if quite cold. "What you said to me earlier really made sense, Zip. Thank you."

"Any time, dude," Zip says, standing up and hugging him. "Have you…you know, decided?" Alister only nods. "Good luck, buddy." He hugs him again and pats him on the shoulder, which Alister returns.

Just as Alister is about to leave, he turns and looks straight at me, almost expectantly, as if he's waiting for something. Well, what does he want me to do, beg him not to? Give him my blessing?

"Take care," is all I say.

"I will." He smiles at Zip one last time and goes out the door. "I hope you made the right choice," I utter quietly.

"What was that?" Zip asks.

"Nothing!" I lie.

"Are you okay, Lara?"

"I'm fine-so, come on, is this all you've got, because I'm really in the mood for something stronger!"

"Uh, I got some Chardonnay-rumour has it you get a little crazy on that." I smile at the memory.

"Perfect!" I say, holding out my glass. He goes to the mini bar and pulls out a bottle of Chardonnay. It's really quite convenient I have several mini bars as well as a wine cellar, really.

"Why, thank you, sir," I joke in an over-the-top posh voice as he hands me my drink.

"That's quite all right, ma'am," he plays along. He takes a seat next to me.

"So what were you saying?" I ask. He frowns in confusion. "About Alister?"

"Oh, my theory!" he realises. I nod. "Well, it's kinda like this. I think he was approached by some guy who asks him to 'look after' something. Now, Alister being Alister, agrees without question. So, when the cops arrive, he's all 'oh yeah, it's right through here. They discover it's drugs and arrest him on the spot. It's genius!"

"Yes, but he was raised in south London," I point out.

"So?"

"So he wouldn't be that gullible. And he'd probably have recognised them as drugs from the start, you know, Alister being Alister."

"Yeah," Zip nods. "If it was Amsterdam, he probably got himself a little drugs manual in case such a thing happened." I giggle at this.

"Most probably." I finish off my Chardonnay. "Where was it he was in prison, anyway?"

"I'm not sure," Zip replies, getting us both refills. "But I got really bored one day while you were in Bolivia, so…" he hands me my drink and continues; "I did a check."

"You didn't?" I giggle. He nods.

"Damn straight. I don't know what his crime was, but I do know he wasn't imprisoned within the UK-or Ireland."

"So it was abroad, then?"

"It musta been. If it'd been in this country, trust me, I'd know by now."

"God," I muse. "In a way that's worse."

"Why?"

"I don't know," I admit. "It just seems much more sinister to be imprisoned in a foreign country. You've seen Bridget Jones, right?"

"I try not to," he smirks.

"Piss off, that's one of my favourite films!" He shrugs. "Anyway, when she was in Bangkok, she was arrested, and-not that I'd know, of course-but it looked much more horrible than a British prison."

"How would you know?" Zip asks curiously.

"So, do you have any more theories?" I change the subject.

"No, hey, come on, don't dodge the question!" he whines. "Come on, I'm sure you got plenty of friends inside…or does Lara have another little skeleton in her closet."

"I'm definitely drunk," I sigh. "Don't you dare ever tell anyone." He leans in interestedly. "But I was actually held for one night when I was eighteen!"

"No shit!" he laughs. "What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing!" I scold, knowing he must be imagining the worst possible. "I just got a little…rowdy, if you will. I'd had a bit too much to drink."

"I'm disappointed in you, Lara," he tuts. "Aren't you supposed to be a little too studious to be getting pissed?"

"You sound exactly like my father," I smile. "With a…swear word or two missed out." He raises his eyebrows. "That's why I calmed down before I went to University. It never occurred to me it would be even worse there! From what my father had told me, it was lots of very boring people doing very boring things." Zip frowns.

"What, did he go to…?" He stops. "I actually can't think of anywhere…got it! What, was he home-schooled?" I raise my eyebrows. "I don't know."

"Actually, he was, pretty much," I reply. "He'd never been as 'privileged' as my Uncle Errol-he went off to boarding school, but he came back with such tales, they didn't think it would be appropriate for my father to go, as well. You could say Uni was his first time being taught away from home-hell, it was! He never even attended a local school or anything, so I suppose he could be forgiven for not having much of a social life at Uni."

"Nor you, apparently," he teases. I throw him a look and he shuts up.

"At least I went," I mutter.

"So did I!" he protests.

"Half a semester doesn't count!" He frowns.

"Why not?" I just shake my head, laughing. "Hey, Kurt."

"Oh, hello, Kurtis," I greet cheerfully.

"It's nice to see you looking so relaxed for once," is all he replies.

"It's nice to _be_ so relaxed for once," I smile. "Chardonnay?"

"No thanks, I'd hate to ruin your good mood that comes like, every decade!" he spits.

"Then I may as well warn you, the only thing that has any risk of spoiling it is you right now! Why are you being so moody?"

"Yeah, cos you're always acting like you're high!"

"Did I miss something here?"

"Join the club," Zip mutters.

"Because you are acting like a complete prick!" I continue, acting as though Zip had not spoken. But he has got a point.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend you?" he says sarcastically.

"I don't know about me, but I've obviously done something awful to you!"

"Not everything is about you!" he literally yells. "Just cos you're permanently PMSing doesn't mean the fucking world revolves around you!" As I stand there speechless, his face softens. "I'm sorry," he says genuinely. "That was out of line."

"Just a bit," I agree quietly.

"Look, I'm just a little upset now, okay-"

"About Anaya?" He pauses, then nods. "I understand."

"No disrespect, Lara, but like hell you do."

"She was my best friend-"

"That's what you say about everybody! I loved her! I was gonna ask her to move in with me! And then she dumped me for no reason, and now she's dead! So if you can relate to that, then, please, tell us all, cos I am tired of feeling like the only one who's grieving here!"

"You're not-"

"You don't look exactly cut up," he mutters, looking at the bottle of Chardonnay. "What was it you were saying at the funeral? How much you hated being the only one who remembered it was a wake? Well, look at you, now."

"I'm not going to apologise for that, Kurtis."

"And I'm not asking you to."

"Then what are you asking of me?" I have to ask.

"Nothing," he says. "Nothing." As we stand opposite each other and I'm looking at him, it's as if, for the first time, I can see him…and the pain he must be going through. I won't deny I was surprised when he told me he'd gone out with Anaya. It was just more…the coincidence of the situation, I suppose, than that they wouldn't make good matches, because now I think about it, I can see why they were attracted to each other…they made much more sense than Kurtis and me, or Alister and me or…me and anyone…

"I'm going," Kurtis mutters.

"What?" I ask, snapping back to reality.

"I'm sorry, Lara," he smiles apologetically.

"You're only leaving the room, Kurtis-you don't need to apologise!" I laugh. But as I look at his face, I realise he means much more than simply leaving the room. "Oh," is all I utter.

"Don't get me wrong, I've had a good time here," he adds hastily. "I just-I need to move on. I'm just like that, I can't stand to be in one place for too long. You understand." Well, no, not really. I may travel a lot but I always have one home to return to. I just nod in reply.

"Dude, what are you talking about?" Zip cuts in. We both jump-I completely forgot Zip was here, he's been so quiet!

"It's been great getting to know you guys, but-"

"You're not going straight away, are you?" I ask worriedly, though I don't know why. He nods.

"What do you think I've been doing for the last half-hour?"

"Packing?" I realise.

"Sorta," he replies. "Most of it was already done from Bolivia. I was getting my plane ticket sorted."

"Aw, that sucks, man," Zip says, taking Kurtis into a hug. "We're really gonna miss you around here."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find another cool guy," Kurtis says consolingly.

"It won't be the same," Zip whines. Kurtis just smiles.

"Where are you going?" I interrupt.

"New York," he replies. "I got some friends out there. I'm gonna crash with her for a while."

"Her?" Why does this bother me so much?! It's not as if I'm jealous! I just wish he'd given me a bit more bloody notice!

"Okay, I haven't told her that yet," he smirks. "But hey, you put me up, and I've known her a little longer, so…" His voice trails off. I barely even notice.

"When do you leave?" I ask as nonchalantly as I can possibly manage.

"Well, right now." I nod.

"Have a safe trip," I mumble.

"Thanks." He comes up to me and gives me a look that tells me he's angling for a hug. I grant him one, but it's forced.

"Stay in touch," I tell him.

"I intend to-you didn't think you'd get rid of my annoying voice so easy, right?"

"Of course not," I smile, which he returns. Then he turns and picks up his hold all.

"Dude, no way is that gonna go on your bike," Zip laughs.

"That's why I got a cab."

"To the airport?"

"To the train station in town," Kurtis smirks. "As for the bike, well, I only hired it. I returned it before I went to Bolivia." So he knew he was leaving all along, did he?

A loud horn beeps from outside. Through the window I spot a black cab just pulled up outside. "I guess that's me," Kurtis says. Zip goes in for one last hug-quite a forceful one!-and knocks Kurtis off balance! He pats Zip on the back. "I'll catch you later, dude."

"Yeah." Poor Zip-I think he's taking this harder than I am!

_Well, he would, because you're not taking this hard at all._

Right…of course not.

"Goodbye, then, I suppose," I say to Kurtis. "It's been nice having you here."

"It's been great being here." The horn beeps impatiently. "Guess I gotta go. Say goodbye to Alister for me, okay?" With one last look at me, he retrieves his bag and walks outside, closing the door behind him. As I hear the taxi pull away a couple of minutes later, I can't help but mutter;

"And there goes another chapter of my life."

"How's that?" Zip asks.

"Nothing," I lie. "Nothing at all." I turn to face him and head to the gym.

"Lara, are you okay?" I stop.

"Zip, I'm tired of lies, I'm sick of pretending, I don't want to do that anymore," I admit. "So no, I'm not okay." I feel like I've…lost it all. My friend, my daughter and now Kurtis. Would you be all right?

Changing my mind, I turn away from the gym and walk to the door. I need some air.

* * *

_Zip's POV_

Well, I wasn't expecting that, I gotta admit! Kurt hid his plans pretty well. It's a real shame he's leaving-left-he's cool. And I think he did Lara real good…you know, aside from the Alister thing.

She's not taking it well. Well, you heard her. She admitted herself she wasn't okay. I think he meant a little more to her than she let on, you know. I don't know what went on between them last year, but it musta been pretty big.

I think about following her, but what good would it do? She wouldn't tell me anything unless she was ready-or even wanted to-and have you ever tried forcing it out of her? I never did personally, but apparently one person who did…let's just say he wasn't so keen about her after that. I'm not gonna risk it-I'm way too pretty. Besides, you know, she must be used to dealing with these losses. She deals with them in her own way, and it doesn't usually involve talking to people about it. I think Alister was the _one_ exception…since I've known her, anyway.

"Has everyone gone?" a raspy voice asks behind me.

"Yep," I reply. "Just you and me, pal."

"Nothing could thrill me more."

"I know, it's-" I stop as I hear a snigger. "Were you being sarcastic?" I accuse.

"Of course not," he answers…sarcastically, would you believe?

"Damnit," I mutter. "I didn't know old people could do sarcasm." I shrug. "That just means I can still be me when I'm 70!"

"Lord help them," he mutters, but I ignore him. He's just jealous he won't be here to see it!

"You wanna watch a movie?" I offer.

"Such as?"

"Uh…Die Hard?"

"I don't think so-you wouldn't appreciate my opinions of it, I'm certain."

"No, I guess not…what about James Bond? You love that guy!"

"There are some elements I find enjoyable," he admits.

"What do you say? I'm sure there's still a Bond movie we haven't seen yet!"

"Oh, why not, you've talked me into it," he smiles.

"Good man!" He takes a seat next to me. "You know there's no TV in here, right?"

"I do," he says.

"You just wanna sit here?"

"Actually I was hoping you could wheel in the portable or do that trick where you played it on the wall," he suggests. "I quite enjoyed watching you struggle the last time."

"First of all…I was not struggling," I lie. "I just did it cos I knew you'd find it funny."

"Of course you did." I frown.

"Okay, the sarcasm is just getting scary," I tell him. "And second…you get the drinks in?"

"I'm certain I could hold a beer."

"Great-see you back in ten."

* * *

"What? No, no, no, no! Don't you dare, you bastard?!" I screech at the TV. That fucker of a ref has just sent off Gerrard-he's the only one _doing _anything! I hear someone clear their throat, and I turn to see Winston looking at me disapprovingly. "Well, I'm sorry, but that arsehole has just sent off Gerrard and he's the only one actually off his arse and playing!" I groan along with most of the crowd as Crouch comes on-we all know what a valuable asset _he _is! Geez, the guy's a freakin' amateur! 

As you can see, we got bored of Bond and when I turned the movie off, I saw the game was on, so I thought 'what the hell?' Only now I really regret it!

"Football?" someone says behind me, and I see Winston nod. I look behind me.

"Hey, Lara," I greet. "How's it going?"

"Much better," she smiles, nodding. "That walk really helped." I frown in confusion.

"You went for a walk?"

"Almost an hour ago, Zip." I think back. Nope, nothing.

"Really?" She nods.

"Yes," she tells me. "I told you just as I was leaving that I needed some air." She pauses. "Well, all right, I might not have actually said that, but you saw me walk through the door."

"Uh, yeah, yeah, of course I did," I nod, though in fact, I remember no such thing. It seems Lara is of that same opinion as she just sighs but doesn't press it. She's learnt to just let me pretend to know what she's talking about. Seriously-I know this isn't gonna make me sound good-but unless you want to tear your hair out in frustration, it's really best to just let me get on with it.

"Half-time," Winston announces. I also think I hear him mutter 'thank goodness' but I can't really be sure. I seriously hope he didn't-that's just a crime against football! Okay, so I get a _little_ involved, but seriously, that ref is gonna need bodyguards if he's not careful with some of his decisions!

"Wanna beer?" I offer the room. Winston shakes his head.

"No, I think I'll pass it up this time," Lara smiles. "I've had way too much."

"Tequila?" She only shakes her head. "Chardonnay?"

"Zip, perhaps I should have been clearer," she sighs patiently. "A hell of a lot of alcoholic beverages-not one of them appealing to me."

"Okay, okay, I can take a hint," I shrug. "Water?" She snorts.

"I don't want anything to drink, Zip," she says. I open my mouth to suggest food when she interrupts. "Or eat." Damnit! "Although, do you know where Alister is?"

"Uh, yeah, still at the hospital," I answer.

"Really?" she says, looking surprised.

"He has just found out his girlfriend is pregnant," I point out.

"Yes, of course," she nods. "Um, when he gets home, could you please tell him I'm looking for him? That is, if he's not looking too distressed."

"Sure," I nod. "Uh, where are you gonna be?"

"Either my room, the library or the gym-the latter two being the most likely." She smiles at both of us and starts to walk upstairs.

"Lara?" She turns. "Are you…you know, okay?"

"I'm fine, Zip," she assures me. "I just had a bit of a…I don't know, a cogitation while I was out there."

"Come again?" I have to ask. Everyday I swear she deliberately hooks up with a dictionary to find a new word she knows I won't understand!

"A ponder," she explains. "Anyway, I did a lot of thinking while I was out there."

"Bolivia?"

"Walking," she snorts. "I didn't do much thinking at all in Bolivia." I nod understanding.

"And, what happened?"

"Bolivia?"

"While you were walking," I snort back at her.

"Oh," she laughs. "Nothing, really. I just…realised that I've got to stop letting everything that's happening around me get to me if I want any chance of finding Avalon…and my mother." I don't say anything. What can you say to that? I'm just glad she seems to have got it sorted. Don't get me wrong, the stress was seriously overdue, but it's great to see she's (at least sounding) back to normal. "I know what you're thinking," she snorts. "That I'm just saying it." I shrug. "Well, I'm not. I mean it. Enjoy your game."

With that, she turns around and walks silently up the stairs again.

Literally, just as she closes the door behind her, the front door opens. "Hey, Alister," I greet.

"Oh God, you scared me!" he curses, clutching his chest. "What are you doing down here?"

"Watching the game," I tell him. "Beer?"

"No thanks," he declines. I nod. I shrug. More for me. Winston gives me a look. What's his problem-crap!

"Oh, hey, how'd it go?" I ask.

"How did-what?" Alister asks confusedly.

"The hospital-Marina. How'd it go?" I explain.

"Oh," he realises. We expectantly await his answer as he opens and closes his mouth. "Uh…"

* * *

_Lara's POV_

I meant it, you know-when I yold Zip that I'm fine. I suppose you could say I finally 'saw the light' How am I supposed to make any progress with my mother and Avalon if I allow everything else to...distract me?! Since I went to the dais for the second time, I have done nothing except for being run over by some irresponsible driver, broken the heart of my best friend, have managed to drive _Kurtis _away because I'm annoying and...fell for one of the cruellest tricks someone could play on another person.

I won't deny I have my doubts about Zip's theory-that 'Lily' lied all along. I know there are some real shits, but I just can't see the purpose-any-other than to stir up my past and distract...oh God, even Amanda wouldn't sink so low, would she? Or is she truly capable of such manipulation that she could actually persuade an impostor to pose as my long-lost daughter? Then again, I suppose if the money's good enough...and Rutland does have access to a hell of a lot of it.

Do you know, I was actually...well, quite relieved when Zip pointed it out. All right, there were a couple of times I envisaged a proper mother-daughter relationship, against all odds probably, but now I look back, I see that's what was bothering me most. I felt guilty because of the way I'd treated her; I felt angry because she'd interrupted my search; I felt...I felt those feelings again, as I remembered the conception. I'd been able to lock it away-her arrival was the key to that memory, if you will.

As I think about it more and more, it was as if...it was as if I was trapped, in a dark, murky pond, drowning, and she...she was the plant, the lily pad just above, preventing me from reaching the surface. Now I realise she was most likely only a bloody good actress, it's as if I've broken the surface of the water and I can breathe again...as it moved out of my path. And as I look around, I can see clearer and I know what I need to do, in order to climb out...and free myself.

The scrolls to my left catch my eye and I pick them up and place them on the desk. I hear the door open behind me just as I'm leaning over to study the scrolls closer. I look up and see Alister behind me. "Oh, hello, Alister," I greet, almost nervously.

"Hi, Lara," he says back, looking surprised to find me here. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I smile. "You?" He just nods. "How did it go, at the hospital?" I ask tentatively after an awkward silence.

"Um, yeah, it's…it's all sorted," he smiles at me.

"Well, that's fantastic," I gush. I go up to him and pull him into a hug, which he stiffly returns. I move away, sensing he's uncomfortable. "Are congratulations in order?"

"Maybe we should save that until later," he suggests quietly.

"Of course," I nod. Another awkward silence comes between the two of us.

"Zip said you were looking for me?" he says.

"Oh, yes, I-"

"To do with the scrolls, I'm guessing?" I nod.

"Of course, we won't have to start working on it now!" I assure him at his expression. "I will obviously give you some breathing space, but when you're ready, your help would be much appreciated."

"Tomorrow?" I frown in confusion.

"Are you sure? You've had one hell of a-"

"You said whenever I was ready."

"Well, yes, I just didn't think you'd be ready quite so soon-"

"Do you need me or not?" he asks coldly. Slowly, I nod. "Then I'll see you here tomorrow."

"All right," I agree. "Um…I expect you want some time alone, so I'm just going to go." I walk out, silently hoping that he will call me back, tell me he's sorry, or…anything. I can't stand his coldness. I know it's no more than to be expected, but I hate it. I hate it…and what's worse is, I think it might be like this for a very long time to come. Alister doesn't do grudges, but when he does, he doesn't let go.

* * *

_Author's POV_

She thought of going to the Gym, but knew she couldn't summon the energy to do anything when she got there. She convinced herself that of course her stamina will be lower than usual, after the accident and all the stress she's been put through recently…but what if she never regained her strength fully? Or even enough to make it physically possible for her to even find an entrance to Avalon? She couldn't surrender, not now. Without her mother, what else was there? But she also knew that after an injury like that, it's unlikely her body would ever fully recover…

* * *

As the voice announced over the PA system that 'this is the last call for flight BA467 to JFK New York' he looked down at his Economy class ticket and wondered if he'd made a mistake in leaving so hastily. Yes, she drove him crazy sometimes, but let's be honest, he probably drove her crazy! Not to mention 'long-suffering' friend Lily. How she'd put up with him, he would never know. Or how Anaya had put up with him. 

"Sir?" the flight attendant called to him. He looked up. "Are you boarding or not?" It wasn't too late to turn back, he knew. He could just shake his head and grab a train back to Lara's village…but that wasn't going to happen, even he knew that. He nodded at the stewardess, and handed her his boarding pass. After checking it, she ripped off the tag and handed him the piece he needed to board. "Thank you, sir." He smiled at her and, taking one last look at the airport, went through…

* * *

She stared out of her Brooklyn apartment window, watching the rain fall on the streets far below. Since the funeral and the…meeting, she'd found herself unable to stop thinking about her, her mother. It had occurred to her to just pick up the phone and call her. She'd said she was sorry, but that didn't necessarily mean that she wanted to attempt at a relationship with her daughter. It could have simply been Lara's way of finding closure. 

She blinks in surprise as a loud thunderclap snaps her from her thoughts. As soon as she's settled, however, her thoughts go straight back to Lara…and wondering, hoping that somewhere out there, Lara is thinking of her...

* * *

He watched her leave, almost willing himself to call her back, even if just to apologise for his outburst. But he didn't. He watched her walk away and close the door behind her. He sat on the desk and watched as the rain began to fall, and the sky darkened with threatening thunder clouds, musing over what had happened this evening…and before he knew it, he found himself starting to cry…

* * *

_Just thought I'd leave it there with everything nicely tied up. LOLX_

_N-ee-ways, I hope you liked the story! I did-well, writing it anyway. So, on a last note, just bear with me, because there will be a second story, up within 2-3 weeks, hopefully. Its current name is 'Of Moss and Daisies' but this could change-it will say 'sequel to Lily Pad' in the summary anyway! Please review!_


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